The renaissance of Aston Villa under Captain Bellend has
been quite remarkable in that he took over from Paul Lambert when the Villa
owner realised that he was one of the worst mangers ever which was something
that had been obvious to everyone else for about two years. Captain Tim Bellend Sherwood (to give him his
full name) is not my idea of a decent manager but his affect on Villa can’t be
denied as they are now in touching distance of safety and are scoring some
goals, which is something Paul Lambert seemed hell bent on doing without, with
his 9-0-Seventy yards-1 formations which he employed both home and away,
regardless of the opposition. The 1 up
front was usually Christian Benteke who had scored about 2 goals all season
until Bellend came in and now he’s scored 10 in the last 9 games or something
like that. They confirm survival if they
win today so we’ll have to be up for it cos despite having an FA Cup Final to
play in a couple of weeks, Villa certainly will be.
It’s been a good week at SFC since the Leicester
shambles. The most significant news is
that Jay Rodriguez has signed a new contract meaning that all the ‘done deal to
Man City / Liverpool / Spurs’ stories were shite all along. This is great news because not only does it
give us a new and very good striker next season, it shows that the club is a
good place to be to anyone potential wantaways.
There has to come a point when every player must look at those who have
left and how their careers have without exception, gone downhill and wonder if
it is in fact better to stay put. No
doubt buoyed by the news of J-Rod signing up, Les Reed has gone to print saying
that the Clyne contract negotiations are in a good place as well and we’ll know
pretty soon. I’d accepted that he was
going but I’m beginning to think positively that there might be a chance that
he’ll stay.
The media department released a very amusing video featuring
a Dr Barry Gale and his #showyourstripes campaign. With various first teamers and club staff
joining in it was quite a cool thing to come out of the club and showed the
club in a very good light as one that when the time is right, is prepared to
show a different non-serious side. The
video was all part of the unveiling of next years home strip which is a decent
looking shirt – however, we are back with adidas so it’s one of their template
jobs. It’s better than that all red
monstrosity from 2013/14 but you’re left with the feeling that adidas really haven’t
put too much thought into it. Still, I’m
not one to get too hot under the collar about kit.
Something had to give following the Leicester defeat and JWP
and Shane Long were recalled in place of Elia and Reed with Morgan not fit to
return and J-Rod still not fit enough for the bench. Villa had more or less their first choice
side aside from having Hutton at left back when he’s a right back. They have Tom Cleverley in midfield who is
shite but he’s had a couple of half decent game recently so there are rumours
kicking round that he’ll be back in the England squad soon. Nothing would surprise me with Roy
Hodgson. Didn’t he compare Cleverley
with Fabregas? Senile old goat.
Straight from the kick off we’re looking good and Villa are
looking a bit ropey at the back. A ball
comes in from the right, behind the defence and Graziano is through and
finishes it superbly first time before anyone realises that the flag has gone
up. On first viewing it looked like Long
was the one in the offside position but he was miles away from the ball so not
active. Graziano has gone over to have a
good old Mamma Mia at the linesman and later replays proved he was dead right
as he was a good two yards onside. Shite
decision.
Villa’s high defensive line is so easy to breach because the
defenders are slow, our forwards are quick and the Villa midfield is not
closing down the ball carrier, in this case Bertrand whose long ball puts
Graziano through. He should square it to
JWP but he shoots, forcing Given into a decent low save.
We were nearly made to pay for that miss (and the shit
linesman) straight afterwards as Villa’s first attack saw Benteke played
in. Gazza came, stopped, then went again
and Benteke got there first and poked it wide of the near post. Not a great start by Gazza who would have got
there first if he’d just gone for it.
Mind you, diving at Benteke’s feet is a bit like diving in front of a
lorry.
It’s a fairly even game as we reach the 15 minute mark but
what happened in the next few minutes was absolutely mad. Some nice build up play ends with Graziano
flicking the ball through the defence into the path of Mané who easily knocks Hutton
out of the way before poking a shot at the onrushing Given. It bounces off the keeper and off of Sadio
and lands perfectly for him to just roll it into the net for 1-0. Get in!
Villa’s defending was atrocious for the goal and straight
from the kick off we win the ball back and attack down the right. Vlaar decides it’s a good idea to play a
blind back pass to Given and he’s taken by surprise by Long appearing from
nowhere to challenge him. It looks like
a foul on Long but the ball bounces free to give Sadio another tap in to make
it 2-0. The rather large contingent of
vociferous Villa fans in fancy dress have suddenly become a large contingent of
mute fans wishing they looked inconspiculous.
If two goals in two minutes wasn’t enough for anyone, we win
the ball back from the kick off on the left hand side and Shane Lang plays a
superb 1-2 with Bertrand and he’s off down the wing with Bacuna and Cleverley,
who are supposed to be on that side, completely absent. Long races to the edge of the penalty area
and squares it to Mané who has half the pitch to himself and he sidefoots it
right footed, curling away from Given and into the net for 3-0 and a 3 minute
hat-trick. It’s fucking unbelievable.
There’s then a great chance for 4-0 as Fonte goes over the
top and JWP is through but he delays his shot too long and clips is straight to
Given at head height when a ball inside would have left Graziano with a tap in.
Villa are shot to shit and it gives Jack Grealish a chance
to show what he’s all about which is basically the full repertoire of diving,
throwing his arms up in the air at the ref and team-mates and when he is
actually fouled, waving imaginary cards about.
Utter wanker. He’s had a bit of
positive press recently but you’ve done fuck all in the game son so I hope
someone has a word with him. Captain
Bellend perhaps. Whilst Grealish is
testing out my ability to not swear in the family centre, I’m amused by a bloke
turning up and sitting behind me and wondering what he’s missed. Very funny.
At least the latecomer didn’t have too long to wait for a
goal and another duly arrives as Mané picks up the ball on the right and slots
a lovely ball behind the defence to Graziano.
His shot is well saved by the foot of Given but the keeper gets unlucky
as it rolls straight to Long who knocks it into the empty net for 4-0.
There’s then a period of about 10 minutes without a goal
before unbelievably, it’s 5-0. Villa are
knocking the ball about and having a bit of possession but Long catches the
useless Westwood with the ball about 40 yards out and looks up, spots Given off
his land and just lashes it over his head and straight into the roof of the net
for 5-0. This raises the roof and a
large swathe of Villa fans decide it’s time to go to the refreshment
stalls. We’ve run out of the nooses we
used to sell – the Sunderland fans bought them all. There is a glorious shot on the big screen of
Captain Bellend with his face in his hands which gets one of the biggest cheers
of the day.
Just before half time there is the most under celebrated
goal that St Mary’s has ever seen as Bacuna gets down our left and swings over
a cross. Benteke is up early and his
hands on José Fonte’s shoulders prevent him from jumping and the big Belgian
buries the header with Gazza having no chance.
Soon after, one of the most incredibly halves of football I’ve ever seen
came to an end.
The half time break was spent listening to a live interview
with Barry Gale in which he predicted an 11-1 win due to the power of the
stripe and getting conformation that Sadio’s hat-trick is the quickest one ever
in the Premier League and it’s broken the Robbie Fowler record that everyone
thought would last forever.
Captain Bellend’s tactical adjustments for the second half
include not playing with a left back. I
think that Hutton is supposed to be playing there but he’s kind of tucked in
like a 3rd centre back and Mané and Clyne are firing over crosses at
will which we totally fail to get on the end of. From one such cross we win a corner which is
expertly delivered by JWP and flicked on by Fonte and Long sticks out a boot
but can’t make contact.
Apart from the flurry of corners, Saints seem happy to sit
back and let Villa have the ball and do nothing with it. It’s odd how getting pegged back to 5-1 can
make you cautious whereas a 5-0 lead would have possibly led to a rout of
Sunderland proportions. Yoshida is on
for Davis with Toby pushed into midfield alongside Big Vic as Ronald attempts to
control the midfield even more. Toby’s
presence allows Big Vic to go and enjoy himself and he’s charging forward now
and retrieving a Clyne cross on the goal line and feeding it back to Pellè
whose shot iis deflected over the bar.
JWP;s corner is perfect and straight onto the head of Yoshida whose
marker, the hopeless Westwood has obligingly fallen on his arse. He powers the header goalwards but Given
defies his 57 years and spectacularly claws it away.
Little twat Grealish is off and Agbonlahor is on and
amazingly, Bellend decides that Bacuna has been worse than Hutton and takes him
off, bringing on Lowton at left back and giving Hutton the chance to prove that
he’s shit on either side of the pitch.
Meanwhile, Agbonlahor is making that face like a bulldog chewing a wasp
whilst simultaneously licking piss off a stinging nettle.
Filip Djuricic is on for JWP \nd his first involvement is to
drive forward with the ball and feed Mané who gives it back to him and Djuricic
backheels a lovely ball behind Lowton to where Mané fires in a right footed
first time cross and Pellè meets it on the volley and crashes it into the roof
of the net. Is this the best goal of the
game or was it the 5th… or the 3rd. Who cares?
It’s a brilliant goal again.
Off goes Graziano to be replaced with Eljero Elia but we’re
done with attacking now as Villa have possession. They manage to carve out a decent chance for
Agbonlahor that Gazza gets down well to save and the same player shanks an
opportunity a coupe of minutes later but Gazza is again up to the task. Finall whistle. Easy.
Captain Tim Bellend Sherwood has won a lot of plaudits this
season for the rescue job he’s done with Villa and getting them to the FA Cup
final and deservedly so. I think today
severely showed up him limitations as he persisted with the high defensive line
that got consistently shredded by the pace of Long and Mané and the guile of
Pellé. It’s not hard to chip a ball into
a fucking great space and let a quick guy run onto it. OK, he couldn’t have done much in between
Sadio’s 3 goals but to persist with that tactic was insane. Villa have improved by closing the distance
down between Benteke and the rest of the players but playing a high line
against quick forwards is going to get you nowhere. Somewhere, Arsene Wenger is smiling at the
prospect of the FA Cup Final.
As a team today, we were superb with all areas of the team
meshing well to complete the performance.
Starting at the back and I have to say that Gazzaniga had a good
game. He saved everything he should have
saved and took a couple of crosses well.
I know this is all standard stuff for a keeper but this is Gazza we’re
talking about. I would still be horrified
if we started next season with one of him or Superkelv in goal but today he was
decent aside from that one slight hesitancy in the first couple of minutes. The back 4 coped well with Benteke which was
made easier by the lack of service into him as both N’Zogbia and Grealish were
complete shit, made to look so by the defensive work of Clyney and
Bertrand. José will be a bit
disappointed to get outjumped for the goal like that but in the main both he
and Alderweireld were their usual excellent selves. I really hope that this is not the last time
we see Toby at St Mary’s. the midfield
showed that there may be life after Morgan with Big Vic anchoring strongly and
Davis and JWP putting in the hard yards.
If JWP can add a little bit of steel to his game (like Morgan has as
he’s got older) then we’ll have a serious player for the media to like with all
the big clubs. The front three were
superb, aided and abetted by Villa’s ludicrous high defensive line and
performances that were as bad as you’ll ever see from Okore, Vlaar and Hutton
in particular. Mané, Long and Pellè all
had field days and all three showed their value today. Ronald Koeman of course was delighted, if a
little surprised at how the game had panned out.
As the lap of appreciation snaked round the pitch, it was
good to see Fraser Forster, Morgan and J-Rod out there. Let’s hope we see all of them on the pitch in
Saints colours soon. I didn’t spot
anyone doing the Lallana badge kissing wanker bit so that has to be a good sign
I guess.
In our mini-league, Swansea lost to Man City so they can no
longer catch us. Also losing were Fucking Liverpool who blew Steven Gerrard’s
last match at Anfield was getting humped 3-1 by Palace in a game where Dejan
Lovren again looked like someone who had never played football before as
Yannick Bolasie handed him a new arsehole time after time. Fucking Spurs unfortunately beat Hull 2-0 so
going into the last game, Fucking Liverpool are 5th, a point ahead
of Fucking Spurs and we’re another point further back. Basically, unless we get a point at City then
we’re finishing 7th and will be hoping that the same Villa as today
turn up to the FA Cup Final and get dicked by Arsenal. Hull’s defeat today meant that Villa were
guaranteed to stay up. Well done lads.
I said last week that today’s game was important, not only
for qualifying for Europe but also for the general feel of things going into
the summer. Whatever test, we were
trying to pass, we did it with flying colours.
Stripes of course Dr.Gale.
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