World Cup 2014 Part 2 - Germany in Ruthless Efficiency Shocker

Honduras in Red Card Shocker

15/6/14

Group C – Ivory Coast 2 Japan 1

This is the ghost game of the tournament, played as it was at 2am GMT.  Japan started well and played some nice football and took the lead with a great strike by Keisuke Honda.  Ivory Coast were displaying everything that you’d expect with some awesome pace and power, combined with undisciplined and basically psss-poor defending.  The tide was turning gradually and it seemed a metter of time before the Ivorians scored and it came after half time when a cross from the right by Aurier was powered in by Bony.  A minute later and the game had completely turned around as Aurier played in another superb cross onto the very sizeable forehead of Gervinho whose header should have been kept out by Kawashima but he allowed it to dribble inside the near post.  Nice for Gervinho and his forehead to get a  goal and it turned out to be the winner.

Group E – Switzerland 2 Ecuador 1

I though that this would be a boring cagey affair but it was anything but.  Switzerland (whose presence at Number 6 in the World Rankings prove that the World Rankings are a joke) went behind when they forgot to mark at a free kick and Enner Valencia had a free header which he buried in the same way that he buried the one against England in the warm-up game.  Half time came and went and Switzerland brought on Mehmedi and he managhed to score with his first touch as Ecuador forgot that marking at a coner is kind of essential and a free header from 5 yards is not a good thing to allow.  The second half was end to end with the Swiss having a perfectly legitimate goal ruled out for a non-existent offside.  In the 93^rd minute with both teams still going for it, Ecuador broke up field and Enner Valencia chose the wrong option and lost the ball instead of playing an easy pass. Away went the Swiss and despite a scything attemped foul, the ref allowed Bahrami to play on and two passes later, Seferovic was on hand to sweep it first time into the net.  94^th minute winner and lovely. 

Group E – France 3 Honduras 0

The kick-to-kill Hondurans were up next against France who are a decent outside bet to do well in the tournament despite being robbed of Franck Ribery before the tournament. France were obviously a different class to their opponents and known thug Wilson Palacios managed to kick it all off by smashing into Pogba who retaliated a bit and we had the first 16 man brawl of the tournament.  Back to the football and the game was effectively over just before half time when Palacios brought down Benzema for a penalty and a red card and Benzema picked himself up to score.  France played within themselves, probably trying not to get injured and scored twice more though a horrible bobbly effort that the keeper juggled over the line and a last minute effort from Benzema to get off to a decent start.   The own goal brought a goal awarded by goal line technology but still, even with the ball over the line and proved by technology, Jonathan Pierce was still convinced it wasn’t in.  What a complete cock.

Group F – Argentina 2 Bosnia-Herzegovina 1

Argentina have virtually been given a bye through to the next round but the most difficult of their games was up first as they played Bosnia-Herzigovina.  Within 5 minutes it was even easier as Messi swung in a free kick and Kolasinac stuck it in his own net.  I think you’ll find that Messi is good enough to not need anyone’s help.  Far from being the cakewalk that everyone expected, the rest of the fist half was quite dull but the main man lit up the second as he scampered towards the box, played a 1-2 with Higuain and beat a couple more before firing in off the post.  Again it should have been the queue for more goals and for Argentina to show their dominance but it didn’t and Bosnia pulled one back with 5 to go as Ibisevic poked one through the keepers legs.  No real alarms in the last 5 minutes but maybe Argentina aren’t as good as they are reckoned to be.  Lets hope that they’re average.

Even though it's Germany, it's always amusing when it's Ronaldo

16/6/14

Group G - Germany 4 Portugal 0

Speaking as someone who had a bet on Portugal to win the whole thing, I was looking forward to this game and Ronaldo beating ze Germans on his own.  You expect Germany to be, well Germany but I expected Portugal to have more flair and put up a decent showing.  10 minutes in and Germany score through a Thomas Muller penalty as the Portuguese defence decide it’s much better to grab someone’s arm and throw them over than actually defend properly.  Half an hour in and it’s 2-0 as they allow Hummels a free header from a corner which he buries.  What you want from your big experienced players is for them to stand up and be counted but Ronaldo was missing in action and Pepe first threw an arm in Muller’s face and then just to make sure that the referee did something, he dropped the nut on him when he was on the ground.  Off you go and if the Portuguese manager has any bollocks then he’ll send him home.  Muller is a whiny little bitch and made the most of the challenge but Pepe is a complete asshole and deserves everything he gets. Just as half time approached and Portugal could maybe have regrouped, Bruno Alves tried to clear from inside the box and instead hit it against Muller who turned and smashed in the third.  The second half was damage limitation for Portugal and the sight of Ballon D’Or winner Ronaldo sulking about whenever he lost the ball was a sight to behold.  Brilliant player but a shit attitude.  Ze Germans made it 4-0 and Muller got his hat-trick when he pounced on a rebound after the keeper parried Schurrle’s shot.

Overall, ze Germans looked fucking scary.  The three attacking midfielders in Ozil, Gotze and Muller were unplayable and though I hate to say it, they look superb as a team.  Hope lies in the fact that they’ve started the last couple of tournaments very well before feeling the pressure and blowing it and lets hope they do the same this time and keep up their 18 year trophy drought.  As he left the pitch, Ronaldo ripped off his shirt but he didn’t pull the Mr Muscles pose – I assume because his impending book already has a cover.

Group F - Iran 0 Nigeria 0

Well it had to happen.  Every game so far had had its share of goals and excitement and then we had Iran v Nigeria.  Nigeria has to make the running as Iran defended and that isn’t easy when your midfield fulcrum is John Obi Mikel.  He wears the symbolic No.10 shirt as well which really says ‘I’m the man and I make things happen’ only it doesn’t when you stroll around like it’s all too much effort for you. The less said about this game the better as it was shite.  Nigeria’s main striker is Shola Ameobi for fucks sake and the fact that Nigeria desperately wanted him to declare for them rather than wait for an England call up says it all really.  This was a good point for Iran but piss poor from Nigeria who will struggle to cause Argentina and Bosnia any problems on this showing.

Group G - Ghana 1 USA 2

Whoever loses this is basically out as they have 2 matches to go against Germany and Portugal so it’s important to make a decent start.  I expect that both managers said this to their players as they went out so I expect the Ghana boss was very pissed off when they were playing statues as the USA tore into them and scored after 35 seconds.  Clint Dempsey was the man, he of the contorted face and acting like he’s been shot and imploring the referee every time he’s in a challenge.  Jozy Altidore or to give him his full title, Jozy Altidore, one of the worst players I’ve ever seen, did the US a favour by limping off but not before he’s missed a sitter by drilling at the keeper when he had the whole goal to aim at.  An even first half ended and Ghana dominated after the restart but it took until the 82 minute for them to equalize though Ayew.  Their relief was short lived though as they allowed Brookes to score with a header from a corner and the USA had won – tossers.  The only saving grace is that they are very unlikely to make the next round.  They are of course managed by Jurgen Klinsmann which is another reason to hate them.  He celebrates goals as a manager in the same way he did as a player and whilst it’s good to see passion on the sidelines – he’ll always be the twat who made diving an artform in the 90s.