Capital One Cup Round 2 - Stevenage 1 Southampton 4

"Fuck me Chappers, can't believe that went in"

A break from the stresses and strains of the Premier League and we have a visit to Stevenage in the Capital One Cup Knockout or COCK for short.  Of course, I’ve taken liberties with the name but football clubs have been taking liberties with the good old League Cup for years.  To add a further degree of surrealism into proceedings, the FA decreed that all clubs had to field their strongest team, unless you are in the Premier League in which case you can do what you like. 

Nigel Adkins, taking the ‘do what you like’ instruction to the max, made 11 changes to the starting eleven with all the subs from Saturday getting a start along with Butters, Deano, Chappers and making a welcome return from injury, Tadanari Lee.  Gazza was in goal, Frazer was deployed as a centre back alongside All-at-Seabourne with Butts and Luke Shaw as full backs.  A midfield three of Chappers, Deano and JWP looked strong and the front three of Lee, Punch and Billy Sharp at least looked a more natural fit for the much maligned (by me) 4-3-3 formation that we saw against Wigan on Saturday.

One of the players left at home was Guly do Prado who managed to win the ‘first SFC player in off the pitch incident’ award for this season by being arrested for drink driving on Monday night.  Well done you utter pillock.  I’m sure there will be a number of players queuing up for your place in the side when you get the inevitable internal suspension.  I’m sure you could have afforded a cab which you’re probably going to have to do for the next year or so.  Being a Brazilian in England, he was lucky the Police weren’t from the Met as they would have just shot him.

Stevenage are currently in League 1 and all I know about them is that they knocked Newcastle out of the FA Cup last year on this ground so this isn’t going to be easy.  They used to be called Stevenage Borough but dropped the Borough a few years ago and also, I have a mate who used to live up that way and he had a girlfriend from Stevenage who actually called the town St.Evenage.  Apparently, Sky wanted to show this game live on Thursday but we knocked that back as it would only give us 3 days till the Man United game.  On the face of it that’s understandable but come on, hardly any of Sunday’s team will be playing here and Stevenage could probably do with the alleged £100k a TV fixture would give them.

I guess we shouldn’t be surprised that we started like a team who didn’t have a clue what they were doing and Stevenage took the initiative while we floundered about.  However, we did have the ball in the net when there was an early offside call as JWP put Billy Sharp in on goal.  The decision was completely and utterly incorrect but by the time he had stuck the ball in the net, we all knew it wasn’t a goal.  Stevenage nearly took the lead a few minutes later as Gazza lined up the wall to cover one side of the goal and then stood too far the other side, giving him the perfect vantage point to watch Tansey’s free kick hit the post and bounce out as he scrabbled around on his arse.

The rest of the first half was quite frankly, shit with All-at-Seabourne showing up well in defence and youngsters Luke Shaw and James Ward-Prowse showing promise going forward.  Stevenage were the better side and the best effort we managed was a left footed whoosh from Butters which had as much chance of hitting the net as Guly has of driving the team bus home.  Half time and 0-0.

Due to an abysmal train journey home from work, I only get in front of the radio for the second half and am greeted by the booming tones that can only mean one thing, Merringtitus.  I’ll not get to hear as much of Big Dave this year as more away games will be on TV but it’s treat to hear the master at work once more and with that he goes off on one about the crap formation and the fact that we get no strikers in the box and it’s a waste of Lee’s ability to have him stuck out on the wing.  Great minds think alike Dave.

We’ve come out with a bit more purpose after half time and take the lead on 52 minutes when a decent passing move goes through Punch who puts Billy Sharp away in the inside right channel and his cross runs behind Chappers but in front of Tadanari Lee who sidefoots it past the keeper for 1-0, the finger-to-the-lips celebration was especially for the Stevenage fans who didn’t seem to like him very much, mostly because he’s Japanese.  I only know that because I read about it on a Stevenage forum so fair play to the guys who flagged it up and I hope the guys who dealt it out are proud of themselves. Pricks.

Unperturbed, Lee is off again down the wing and feeding Punch who mis-controls slightly before playing in Billy Sharp on the right and is left foot finish is bordering on the Sunday league horrific as he leans back and sidefoots it well over the bar.

Talking of Sunday League, we make it 2-0 in farcical fashion and put the game to bed and down the pub for some chips, as the Stevenage centre half totally shanks a clearance back to his keeper Day, who picks it up with the ref blowing for a back pass.  It isn’t a back pass as the rules state it has to be deliberate, not just the product of a player being shite.  So, it’s a ridiculous decision but having had it given against him, what you shouldn’t do as a keeper is hand the ball to the opposition and let them take a free kick before you have your 10 outfield players back on the line.  Hold onto it or welly it and take a booking but don’t give it to Chappers who put it down and tapped it to Billy Sharp who dummied past a bemused defender and smashed it in the net.

It’s a case of the sublime to the ridiculous in reverse a few minutes later a Chappers ball forward is half cleared by a defender to Punch who juggles a couple of touches before….

a)      shanking a left footed shot along the ground and out for a goal kick

b)      lashing it so far over it’s out of the ground and bouncing down the road

c)       volleying it perfectly over a statuesque keeper and into the net

No one who has watched Punch shooting for Saints over the past 2 years will have picked c) but that’s what happened for a goal that would have made a Matt le Tissier Top 10 goals highlights package if the great man had scored it himself.  Merringtitus has predictably gone made with “that’s a DC goal”.  I’m thinking David Connolly or David Cameron even but it in fact is Different Class.

It’s substitution time with the job done and so Ben Reeves, Calum Chambers and Sam Hoskins come on for Chappers, Deano and Billy Sharp and the new lads get going straight away with Reeves driving forward and feeding Tadanari lee who slipped a ball into Hoskins who span between two players with a kind of Cruyff/Bergkamp turn thing before sliding the shot just wide which was a great shame.  The clean sheet that Gazza was looking for then goes to shit as Stevenage break past Shaw on our left before the ball in is controlled by Thalassitis who totally does Seaborne and smashes it across Gazza and in to make it 3-1 with 5 minutes to go.

Back came the Saints though and Lee’s cross found its way to Calum Chambers and as the crowd went “shoooooot” he fed Reeves on the edge of the area who took a touch before hitting a left footed strike confidently past the keeper to make it 4-1.

So, a win that was comfortable in the end and we go through to the next round where all the Champions League teams Reserve sides join the competition.  Nigel played his traditional straight bat to any enquiries on transfers but as the evening drew to a close, the incoming transfer of Emmanuel Mayuko from Young Boys of Berne was announced.  Apparently, he’s a quick striker who was top scorer in the recent African Nations Cup for the Zambian side that won it.  On the face of it, it’s a bit of a coup and of course, we all hope we have the new Drogba on our hands.  It does however raise the question of how many forwards do we need, especially bearing in mind that at the moment, we are only playing with one and that’s Sir Rickie.   When my Dad started watching in the fifties, we played a 2-3-5 formation so maybe we’re going back to that. Of course, it may be that the new boy can play on the wing so we’ll have to see.

Next up we have an easy game with Manchester United visiting St Mary’s.  They’ll be without the Granny Shagger himself which is just as well as all the bile I’ve spat out about him in the last two England Tournaments would no doubt come back and bite me in the arse.  Of course, they’ve replaced Squirrel head with van Persie who’s not bad but hopefully Big Jos will see it as a ticket into the Dutch national side and pull out a blinder.  Assuming he does, this means that we’ve just got the other 10 to worry about... piece of piss!

Premier League Match 2 - Southampton 0 Wigan 2

The Itchen Bridge (with St Mary's in background) - Saints fans not pictured.

It’s unlike me to read emails that get sent out by the Saints marketing department but I did before today’s game and it advised me to get there early as the new card-reading entry system was of course, being used for the first time and there would be queues round the block etc when it broke down.  Turning up at my usual 2.59 wasn’t on and so I inserted my card at a very stress free 2.30pm and went to try and find a programme which was of course new look and fabulous and still only three quid…. and totally sold out by 2.15pm.   Still, not to worry and the good news would be that if the Chuckle Brothers were there, maybe the Moronic one wouldn’t have a programme either and would have nothing to make duck noises through.

Ah the Chuckle Brothers, would they or wouldn’t they be there.  I’m sure everyone who renews a season ticket has them – fucking irritating bastards who they hope and pray will be sitting somewhere else.  Hopefully the price rises would have had the unexpected bonus of getting rid of them.  2.40 – no sign and then,,,”Hello everyone, I’m back”.  Who introduces themselves like that?  Old Bill (aged 85) who sits next to me turns round and asks him if he’s going to moan all the way through this season and my Dad politely points out all the kids in earshot in case I fancy teaching them how to swear.  Chuckle Number 2 turns up and he’s got a programme… fucking great.

To the game and we’re playing Wigan and it is of course, the easiest looking of our first 4 fixtures as the other three are against Champions League qualifying teams. They’ve predictably not brought many down and there are big gaps in their end, despite a batch of their tickets going on sale to Saints fans at short notice.  Wigan don’t have any star names in their side and Victor Moses wasn’t playing as he’d been sucked into the Black Hole that is the Chelsea squad.  Hopefully he’ll get out before he’s wasted too much of his career.  Rumour has it that he moved as he was shitting himself at the prospect of having to play at St.Marys.  His replacement in the starting line up was Aruna Kone who sported a very natural looking blonde afro.  Hopefully he’d be as shit as his hairdo.  The Saints staring line up is obvious before it’s announced as there are 11 players doing warm ups in one group and 7 in another.  Steven Davis is in for JWP and Sir Rickie is in for Punch meaning I guess, that Guly would be on the right wing.  A glance around the stadium and I see the two spanking new screens which must have cost a few quid and may explain why Punch had been left out as Don Cortese wanted to reduce the chances of anyone hitting them with a shot.

Saints start well and are having most of the early possession but once Wigan do get hold of it then they look very accomplished and pass it about nicely.  We get a couple of free kicks in wide areas after fairly cynical Wigan fouls but Lallana’s delivery on both fails to picks anyone out.  The first real chance falls to the new skipper as Lallana cleverly makes space for himself before arrowing a shot towards the top corner but its head in hands time as Al Habsi takes off and tips it onto the bar and over – great shot, great save. 

The rest of the first half is shite to be honest with neither side getting much change out of the defences.  Wigan look good until the last third and Saints are taking too long with their passes which enabled Wigan to get loads of men back behind the ball whilst we piss about passing it amongst the back 4 and the keeper.  Half time and 0-0 and last place on Match of the Day looms even larger.

The second half starts with no changes on either side and Saints in the ascendancy and Guly carrying on from his decent first half by slinging in a cross which Sir Rickie met and headed goalwards for Al Habsi to make a meal of what was a comfortable save.  Disaster struck straight afterwards as Wigan scored with their first shot as Boyce fed Maloney who slipped in a lovely first time pass to give di Santo an opportunity which he lashed into the top of the net giving Superkelv not an earthly.  Shite.

We’re all over the place for five minutes but we get back into it and have Al Habsi being over dramatic again as a corner is headed away as far as Foxy who smashes in straight back at the keeper only for the him to punch away.  Whatever happened to catching the bloody thing?  I’ll forgive him for not catching the net one as Sir Rickie picks up a Lallana pass and lets fly from 30 yards only for Al Habsi to sprawl to his left and push it round the post. 

It’s impact time and James Ward-Prowse is summoned from the bench to replace the Steven Davis who has shown that he’s a good player and it’s a bit surprising he’s being hooked as he’s had a really good game.  We switch to a 4-4-2 formation but no one seems to know where they are supposed to be and soon after, J-Rod is heading for the tunnel to be replaced with Billy Sharp.

With 10 minutes left it’s become one of those ‘not our day’ games as once again, Lallana feeds Sir Rickie who chips in a cross which Big Jos met and floated his header onto the bar and over.  We create another chance or rather Lallana creates one for himself by wriggling away in the box and toe poking an effort at Al Habsi which he again, spectacularly shovels wise of the post.  As a fan, I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself as on chances we certainly deserve something and it’s pissing me off that I’m having to get up to let people out when there are still possibly 10 minutes to go including injury time.  I’ll defend Saints fans as much as anyone but it’s piss poor how empty the ground is on 85 minutes.  It’s only one fucking nil for Christ’s sake and even the Chuckle Brothers are still here. 

It may be only 1-0 but it soon isn’t and the nail is in the coffin as Clyne takes a throw to Fonte who pisses about with it and gets robbed by Kone on the half way line.  It’s a clear foul but he’s allowed to carry on and we can’t get to him as he advances on goal and scores comfortably as Superkelv weighed up his choices of staying on his line or coming out and eventually didn’t really do either.  2-0 and the exodus really begins.  Full time and not the glorious return to Premier league Football at St.Marys that we were hoping for.

Though we created many more chances thatn Wigan you’d struggle to find anyone who said we were the better side.  Wigan looked far more accomplished on the ball and a lot more purposeful when they had it and of course, they had two good chances all game and scored them both.  We were slow in possession and it really showed that some players weren’t as comfortable passing it about as they had looked last season with Foxy and Big Jos in particular looking like they didn’t want it.  Steven Davis was a positive and along with Morgan and Adam Lallana in our midfield and Lallana had some good moments further forward.  On the wings Guly had a good first half but faded horribly from 50 minutes onwards and his head went down whereas J-Rod at the moment is a square peg in a round hole and it just doesn’t work.

I was hoping to get back to the car before Nigel’s post match interview because I was keen to know if he was going to be realistic or playing Adkins Bingo.  Of course there was a bit of that but mainly it was realistic with the message being that if you don’t take your chances you will be punished.  Also he criticized our slow passing which made it so fucking easy for Wigan to get players back behind the ball.  They were my words by the way – not his.

The fans reaction to this defeat has been the full range from philosophical with realism, right through to bunging oneself off the Itchen Bridge and taking Cortese and Adkins with you.  Get a grip if you’re one of the latter and accept that this isn’t going to like the last two years when more often than not, we’ve had things completely our own way.  One way of looking at it is that Wigan have been in the Premier League for 7 years and were the form team at the tail end of last season and even though they lost at home last week - that was to Chelsea who since then have won their two subsequent matches and oh yeah, they’re the current European Champions.  Wigan were a lot better than I thought they’d be and deserved their win for the clinical finishing they displayed and the purposeful way their midfield pressed when we had the ball and passed when they had it.  The trouble is that everyone (including me) has seen Man City, Man United and Arsenal as the other teams in our first 4 fixtures and decided that we had to win this one. 

This game did though bear out one of my pre-season worries – we don’t have the players yet for this formation.  It relies on having pace out wide for attacking, defending and for joining in with the main striker.  Guly and J-Rod tried hard but it’s just not their game.  The only winger with pace at the club is Steeeeeve and I’m guessing he’s nowhere near the first team squad at the moment.  However, he should be if we’re going to try and play this way.  You can of course get the pace out wide from the full backs but neither Foxy nor Nathaniel Clyne got anwhere near the bye line all game.  Still, I guess that’s why we’ve been in for Matt Phillips.

A criticism I do have is of the bench today.  Quite frankly, aside from Billy Sharp, no one was going to make a big ‘impact’ off the bench.  We had a keeper, a right back, a left back and a centre back on there as well as Billy, James Ward-Prowse and Punch.  In my opinion we could have done with Chappers or Deano on the bench so when Wigan were strolling about in midfield for the last third of the game, we could have at least thrown on someone with a bit of physical presence to go and fuck them up a bit but all we had was a neat and tidy midfielder who Nigel put on in place of easily our best midfielder on the day.  I’m not criticising JWP here by the way but surely we don’t need three defenders on the bench.

So, a chastening defeat which will make anyone who didn’t already know realise that we need new players and we have 6 days to get them in….2 centre backs and 2 wingers are I would say, the minimum requirement.  F5, F5, F5, F5, Newsnow, Twitter, Facebook and maybe even, the Saints Official Website – if you can navigate through the fucking thing.

Next up, easy one, Manchester United at home.  They won’t be able to play in their red and orange chequerboard home kit so what colour is their away kit – not grey is it? 

Premier League Match 1 - Manchester City 3 Southampton 2

Inspired by Lawro

Finally, it is here.  It seems so long ago that I was sat in SMS watching Roy Keane using his fingers to unnecessarily count down the last 12 seconds of our life in the Premier League as our manager ‘Arry Redknapp twitched away on the sidelines, outwardly looking concerned but inside as we know, not giving a shit.  Seven years later and we’re back now in the Premier League and ‘Arry is currently looking for a job and failed manager Roy Keane keeps himself in the game by having to sit next to Adrian Chiles on ITV while everyone watches BBC.  Who the fuck is laughing now?  Talking of which, a good start to the weekend was seeing Lee Barnard scoring for Bournemouth at Fratton Park about 4 hours after we’d loaned him to them – he was happy, Bournemouth were happy but still chanted “if you all hate Scummers, clap yer hands”.  Bring him back and loan him to someone else the ungrateful bastards.

The Premier League is starting today (for us) and the excitement affects people in strange ways.  For me, I had a momentary lapse of morals as we were live on Sky Sports 1 and decided at about 1.30pm that I’d get Sky Sports for a month so I logged on to Sky.com and it told me that I could get Sky Sports 1 for £13 – that’ll do… Computer says NO!!!… you are not the primary account holder.  Interesting that…as I’m the only account holder so I got on the phone and I’m talking to a bloke from Northern Ireland who tells me over three conversations punctuated by hold music that they spelt my name wrong as the primary account and they’d spelt my name correctly on a secondary account and linked them.  This took half an hour and I needed to be transferred to another department (evidently on the sub-continent somewhere) to sort it out…. more hold music, more explanation… it’s done now Sir.  No it isn’t…it still doesn’t fucking work so I’m back on the phone and this time I’m in China and following the instructions again, entering my mis-spelled name and my correctly spelled name – nothing.  “I can add the Channel from here Sir but you have to have all the Sports Channels and there’s no on-line discount and will take two hours”… let me think, that’s 15 minutes after kick off at double the cost, assuming you’re true to your word from China.  Fck off.  So I tried – I had a moment of weakness and tried to buy Sky Sports but fuck ‘em, there are other ways to watch a match when you can’t go, as we all know.

I remember writing some of these reports in League 1 where I tried to write a bit about the team we were playing and I had no idea about the opposition.  “They’ve got a big bastard up front and they smash it at him from everywhere”.  Looking at the Man City team makes me wish I knew nothing about them.  My 8 year old could tell me all about the City players as there are World Cup winners and £20 million pound players wherever you look.  All the big guns are playing and Mancini has pulled a bit of a masterstroke in not picking Milner which would have at least guaranteed us some possession.  So, what does Nigel do to counteract City picking all their best players... he leaves out Sir Rickie...what the actual fuck is he on?  Sir Rickie on the fucking bench, J-Rod on the wing, Guly at centre forward, James Ward-Prowse starting, Hammond and Chaplow nowhere to be seen… wow... and Adam Lallana is skipper.  I’m hopeful rather than expectant as the game starts and my last thought it that we have to avoid getting beaten by five to not be bottom of the league following Norwich’s first step towards relegation which came yesterday in the shape of a 5-0 defeat at Fulham.

Our (on the face of it) horrifying team selection is forgotten as we start well, making some promising inroads with the Fox and J-Rod combination down the left giving Zabaleta a few problems.  It’s looking relatively comfortable until Aguero’s break down the left is halted by some excellent pace and a great tackle by Clyne which ends with Aguero not getting up. The break in play for Aguero’s eventual replacement with Dzeko sees City wake up and start to dominate possession.

We still have our moments though and in one of these, J-Rod is wiped out by Lescott.  It’s inside the box and anywhere else on the pitch then it’s a foul as he’s gone launching in and not got the ball but Howard Webb decides it is elsewhere on the pitch and it’s not a foul anyway.  Five minutes later and I’m howling as Tevez turns Jos in the edge of the box and goes down like a sack of shit that refuses to go on as a substitute and Webb points to the spot without a second thought.  To be fair he got that one right as it was definitely inside the box and definitely a foul, much like the one up the other end.  David Silva is on the penalty and he’s not gonna bloody miss is he?  Haaaaaaaaaa! What a load of shit as he scuffs it down the middle allowing Superkelv to fall on it and keep it out.

The rest of the first half is all City and sees us defending progressively deeper and deeper but we’re doing ok and trying to pass it when we can with Ward-Prowse and Lallana showing up well in midfield.  On 35 minutes our luck runs out as Nasri reminds everyone that he’s not just an odious little shit but a good player as well and he pops a lovely ball through to Tevez who looks offside but he cares not as he advances and beats Not-so-Superkelv very easily at his near post.  Replays are inconclusive, only proving that the lino was in the wrong place – it looked offside to me and like the J-Rod incident up the other end, it could have gone for us but neither of the decisions did.  This is City Mr Webb, not United... have you been transferred?

It’s now a case of holding out til half time which we manage but you do wonder how on earth we’re going to get back into it.  Guly has run around with no service reaching him while Punch has worked hard defensively and provided nothing up front whilst J-Rod has not given Fox much help and has looked as much like a left winger as Margaret Thatcher.

It’s all City start of second half again being aided and abetted by Howard Webb who is only refereeing against one team at the moment and Yaya has his cloak of invisibility on every time he fouls someone.  City create two massive chances as first Nasri wriggles away from Clyne and Punch and squares to where Dzeko shows what an average footballer he is in showing no anticipation and just spooning the ball up for Superkelv to grab.  Then Yaya picks out Clichy with a superb cross only for the full back to half volley it at the moon when he really should have scored.

A third great City chance comes and goes as they tear us apart down our left before a Tevez crosses and Superkelv flaps it out to Nasri who cushions it back to World Cup Winner Silva who continues his general shocker by hitting the bar from six yards.  Nigel decides not to wait for the inevitable and Sir Rickie comes on for J-Rod with Guly going wide left.  With the big man on the pitch we immediately look like a completely different side and the ball is now sticking and we’re having a bit of possession and looking more confident and begin making inroads into the City half for the first time since the Aguero injury.

And so it came to pass that Sir Rickie started the move and plays in Lallana whose scuffed cross breaks to JWP who gives it back to Sir Rickie.  His attempted 1-2 with Guly bounces back to him off of Lescott and he sidefoots it first time past Hart and into the corner and we all go absolutely mental.  The celebrations are brilliant as Foxy attempts the high jump record and falls off the top of the pile of bodies and over the advertising boards which earned him a booking for ‘jumping too high’ as it will no doubt say in Webb’s report – he didn’t do it on purpose so to my mind, that booking is absolutely ridiculous.

A substitution apiece as both teams bring on internationals with City bringing on Nutbagotelli for Silva and us bringing on Steven Davis for JWP who takes the deserved plaudits as he goes off for some warm milk and a sleep as it’s nearly his bed time.  Another dangerous cross from the right it put behind by Clyne and then something incredible happens.  The corner is headed away by Fonte and out to City new boy Jack Rodwell who plays a shite pass out to wing straight to Lallana and we’re off, breaking at a pace that I can’t remember ever seeing from a Saints team and suddenly we’re five on three with Lallana swapping passes with Davis before the latter passes the ball into the far corner of Hart’s net to give us the lead.  It’s quite insane at this point.  We’re 2-1 up away from home at the Champions and our two subs have both scored within 5 minutes of coming on.  Foxy manages not to jump too high this time and a fucking great cat has just been thrown amongst the pigeons.  Stop the season now please Mr Webb and Nigel, bring on another sub.

It’s now very open but almost exclusively City and sadly it doesn’t take long for them to equalize.  Fonte heads out a corner to the edge of the box but it falls to Yaya Toure in acres of space.  He scuffs his effort but it pings around before falling to Dzeko and even he can’t miss from there and he sweeps it into the net for 2-2.  Back we come and Punch nearly gets himself free in the box and eventually tees up Lallana whose shot is blocked out to Yaya who sells Morgan an outrageous dummy before setting off up the pitch and feeding Tevez whose cross is on a plate for Balotelli who uses his right when he should have used his left and sidefoots the sitter wide.

There are 10 minutes to go when it goes wrong again as Clichy fires in a cross from the left which Foxy fails to deal with and manages to head it back into the middle of the penalty area for that horrible little shit Nasri to smash into the net and pull the now tedious t-shirt slogan celebration..  We have our moments in the last ten with Sir Rickie heading down a Punch cross for Fonte to hoof over the bar but despite Billy Sharp coming on for Punch for the last 5, though we have decent possession we can’t fashion another chance and so, despite an excellent performance, at the end of it all, we bloody lost.

So where do we start with that one.  Well, it was good that we didn’t get drubbed.  The positives were that it was a decent performance, an exciting performance and it shows that we’re not as far away from being decent in this league as we might have expected.  Sir Rickie scoring is a massive thing and the confidence it will give him is immeasurable.  As soon as he got his two goals against Ipswich in the 3^rd game in the Championship, it became obvious he was good enough for that level and the 25 further goals he got proved that.  Defensively, Nathaniel Clyne looked good but the biggest plus was how well Jose Fonte played when many expected him to be a weak link – I think the level of the opposition forced him to concentrate on defending.  However, all three goals had elements of iffy defending in them that could be improved.  In my opinion, Superkelv should have done better on the first goal, we were all too deep for the second goal allowing the ball to come straight back in after we’d cleared a corner and Foxy’s assist for Nasri was a shocker brought on by the pressure we were under.  As an aside, anyone remember the Cup match we won on penalties at Old Trafford years ago?  Jeff Kenna put a very similar header across our own goal to allow United to equalize in that game.

James Ward-Prowse and Lallana had decent matches and Morgan was OK but he has to ‘man up’ a bit.  The ease at which Yaya brushed him off at times was laughable.  Luckily, no other midfielders in the league are as imposing as him.  On the wings we need to get it sorted but we all knew that and hopefully by the time the Wigan match comes round, we have one or both of the linked targets, Gaston Ramirez and Matt Phillips and Ian Holloway is doing his nut in a straight jacket somewhere.

JWP’s appearance on live TV prompted another laughable Twitter spike in Pompey fans trying to claim some sort of credit as he’s from Portsmouth.  He can’t help where he was born and he also can’t help who his Dad supports – the things he could influence have led him to be playing for Saints so jog on...

Nigel was of course asked why Sir Rickie didn’t start and his response was fascinating in that he didn’t want him getting tired chasing the ball up on his own and thought he’d have better impact as a sub.  I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt on that one but let’s not forget, we could easily have been 4-0 down by the time he came on in the 60^th minute.  Also, the 11 on the pitch at the start must have been wondering how we were going to score without the main man on the pitch.  Next up is Wigan at home and Nigel has to get his selection spot on for that game – 2 up front or 1, J-Rod on the wing or a new signing.  We have optimism, this was a decent performance and Mark Lawrenson likened our attack for the second goal as being like the Red Arrows.  He’s a tit but that was a good line.

I think that having got into the position we were in at 2-1 up, with a bit more belief we could have made a better fist of the last 20 minutes.  We had it for the first 10 minutes and we had it as soon as Sir Rickie came on.  Bizarrely, we also had it at 3-2 down but the key period was when we were in front and City (as Champions do) just took over as we seemed to collectively not believe we were in front.  Mind you, every Saints fan thought that as well.  It is strange feeling so positive after a defeat.

Southampton are Back.

Welcome to 10 Months of Bollocks

AUGUST

Thomas Vermaelen volleys an opponents head into the Arsenal dugout but Wenger did not see the incident.  Southampton Academy Graduate Luke Shaw scores against Manchester United which Arsene Wenger sees with his own eyes from London.  Brendan Rodgers gives first speech about being crushed by the weight of Liverpool’s glorious past and signs Swansea’s best player, Michael Laudrup.   Reading swoop in deadline day deals for Josef Stalin and Mikhail Gorbachev.  Roberto di Matteo still hasn’t unpacked his stuff in his new office.  Kieron Dyer breaks ankle in party incident with Titus Bramble who gets found not guilty.  Martin O’Neill offers £140 million for Steven Fletcher but Wolves say he’s worth more because he had a game for Scotland about 4 years ago.  ‘Arry Redknapp hangs around TV studios like a relic of football's past that won't go away.

SEPTEMBER

Wayne Rooney unveils his new patented Champions League squirrel on his head.  Mario Balotelli arrested for accidentally shooting 24 people in the Trafford Centre in a spot of high jinks.  Southampton Chairman Nicola Cortese introduces shooting of journalists as half time entertainment.  Pass launched in August by West Ham centre back Winston Reid finally lands.  Carlos Tevez named as a sub which triggers a £5 million bonus for number of sub appearances.  England rise to No 1 in FIFA World Rankings after hard fought 1-0 win against San Marino.  Roberto Martinez is hailed by Dave Whelan as “the best manager in the history of the world ever” after watching his Wigan side break the record for most consecutive 7-0 defeats at home in front of 2,363 home fans at the DW.

OCTOBER

Sam Allardyce takes a week off to have surgery so he can see over to rolls of fat on his face.   NASA instruct the US Airforce to shoot down footballs above Upton Park, believing they are an unidentified satellite. Tony Pulis signs Luol Deng from the NBA to partner Crouchie up front.  Rio Ferdinand forgets to put boots on for a match.  Sven Goran Eriksson declares an interest in managing anyone who gets a new owner this season.  Still looking for his first win as Spurs boss, Andre Villas-Boas cries publicly.  Opta reveal that Rory Delap has a higher pass completion rate from throw-ins than he does from using his feet.  Mark Lawrenson passes a worthwhile comment on Match of the Day.

NOVEMBER

The FA investigates betting patterns on two separate incidents as first Sam Allardyce is put on gardening leave at West Ham so he can grow his own pies and  ‘Arry Redknapp takes over and the media think it’s triffic’.    More surprisingly, Gareth Bale accidentally rides a challenge without falling over.  FA Corruption until find several accumulator bets on both incidents occurring, placed at a bookies in Sandbanks.  With the end of his ban imminent, the FA add another 4 games on Joey Barton’s ban for the damage caused to the fresh air in front of Carlos Tevez in May.  Roberto di Matteo feels brave for a second and unpacks a picture of his wife and kids and puts it on the managers desk.  Fenway Sports Group announces the completion of Liverpool’s signings in the January transfer window.  In an unsurprising development, Fulham are dull.

DECEMBER

John Terry caught in nightclub fracas with black team-mates ex-girlfriends hamster stuck up his arse whilst changing into his kit - offering the privilege of watching to anyone for £10 grand probably not his smartest move.  Arsene Wenger talks about all his January targets who are all under contract at Southampton whilst criticizing conduct of Barcelona who want Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain.  Mario Balotelli lands on the moon.  Delia Smith serenades the Carrow Road faithful from the middle of the pitch with a drunken rendition of ‘if you hate Paul Lambert clap yer hands’.  Rooney’s Champions League squirrel is stolen and an appeal is launched for its safe return.  Andre Villas-Boas organizes Spurs Christmas party but Daniel Levy insists it’s also the End of Season Party and the Manager Leaving Party.

JANUARY

Ashley Young and Howard Webb seen scratching eachothers backs in United training session.  Arsenal make £3million offer to buy everyone within 10 miles of Southampton who is under the age of 18.  Rio Ferdinand forgets his own name.  Nigel Adkins and Nicola Cortese unveil Tony Soprano as new Saints hitman.  Brendan Rodgers signs Scouser Rickie Lambert for £70million and backs this up by returning to Swansea to sign then tea lady and kit man for a combined £20 million.  All will score more goals than Andy Carroll.  Rumours of Stoke signing Messi prove unfounded when he fails the “6 foot 4” criteria at his medical.  Fake Rooney Squirrel’s are confiscated from a warehouse in Liverpool.  Marouane Fellani manages to go within 10 yards of a player at Goodison Park without fouling him.  ‘Arry Redknapp gives an interview through his car window saying “I’m not a faaaking Wheeler dealer right” as he drives off over the foot of a Sky reporter.

FEBRUARY

Wales have a friendly, Gareth Bale withdraws injured and plays for Spurs the next day.  Youth player gets a game for Chelsea as 35 year old Frank Lampard gets a run out in the Capital One Cup.  Sir Alex plays reserve team in fixture before Champions League Quarter Final – nothing happens.  Arsene Wenger states Arsenal will win the treble despite being out of everything and 24 points behind in the league.  Rafa Benitez is still hanging round waiting for a big job.  Manchester City stage their yearly training ground mass brawl which Mario Balotelli wins after punching himself in the face.  

MARCH

Fernando Torres scores first goal of the season and is now officially back to his best.  Chelsea knocked out of Champions League, Roberto di Matteo puts picture of wife and kids back in the box from whence it came.  Manchester City clinch the title and Roberto Mancini says that United are still the favourites.  Meanwhile, Arsene Wenger says this is his best team ever and they will win the treble. Luis Suarez drop kicks a female linesperson in the head but is defended by Gus Poyet as it’s all part of the culture in Uruguay.  Nigel de Jong trashes through the back of someone in a game that finished in February.  Sky run adverts advising that they are adding three more zeroes to the sponsorship deal and abolishing anything before 1992.

APRIL

Nigel Adkins breaks interview cliché World record with an enthusiastic repeat of every other interview he’s ever given.  Mario Balotelli declares himself King.  Opta computer blows up when James Milner unexpectedly passes the ball to a team-mate. ‘Arry Redknapp surveys his 53 man West Ham squad and declares he’s down to the bare bones.  Rooney unveils new ‘Europa League’ Squirrel Hairpiece for next season.  Fulham…. yep, still dull.  Fenway Sports Group issue a press release in honour of Liverpool’s title win next season. Twitter rumours of Alan Pardew being caught with a players wife, Kate Middleton, Pippa Middleton’s Arse, Jessica Ennis and Ann Widdecombe are denied by Newcastle United.

MAY

John Terry court case for Hamstergate finally starts and his defence that he did it but not in a bad way gets him off.  Ashley Cole character reference probably helps.  Stewart Downing celebrates second successive season without a goal or an assist with a call up to the England squad.  Kieron Dyer gets new 4 year deal at QPR as he nears fitness.  Rio Ferdinand diagnosed with Alzheimers before a second opinion reveals that he’s just thick.  Michael Owen announces on Twitter than he’s nearly made a decision on which club to join for the 2012/13 season and he hope to push for a place on the England bench as it’s the only bench to be on.  Southampton don’t get relegated and we all live happily ever after – apart from Fulham who are dull.

Premier League Guesswork Predictions

"Don't base your bets on anything you read here...."

At the start of the last two seasons I have predicted where every team would finish along with a small write –up on each side which was made difficult by the fact that I did not have an encyclopaedic knowledge of Barnsley’s starting XI for example.  That said, my predictions weren’t that bad with 10 teams finishing within 3 places of where predicted and only three being horribly wrong; Leeds finished 10 places below my predicted 4^th place finish whilst Watford didn’t finish 23^rd but in fact, 12 places higher.  My classic was predicting Nottingham Forest to come second and they managed 19^th.  The Premier League is much easier to predict and we’re in that this season, so here goes… I will say though that it’s a snapshot at this particular moment in time – the transfer window hasn’t shut yet and whilst this has been in the making, a certain Dutchman left Arsenal to throw things up in the air a bit.  So, as I said earlier, here goes….

ARSENAL  (3^rd)

I would have put them in 2^nd to be honest, but for the Van Persie issue which as I write, has been resolved with him moving to Man United.   Gooners were no doubt be hoping he moved abroad so as not to strengthen a domestic rival but at least they have no history and any bad blood with United so he can go there with no baggage and everyone will be nice to him when he returns to play at the Emirates.  New signings include Giroud, Podolski and Cazorla who are all good enough to make a difference on what they had last season  Getting Jack Wilshere fit will make a huge difference to the midfield in which the Ox will doubtless feature more this season.  Still a bit wobbly at the back and in goal so won’t win it but even without RvP, I see them doing very well this season... and they won the Liebherr Cup so they won’t have the pressure of all those trophyless seasons any more.

ASTON VILLA (14^th)

Two years ago they had Martin O’Neill as manager and a superb team that challenged the top 6 and now they have no one really except Darren Bent.  What they do have is a new manager in Paul Lambert and some decent young players who will have benefitted from last years successful flirt with relegation.  Won’t pull up any trees but shouldn’t be relegation candidates either.  It must be a bit worrying for their fans that they appear to be skint though and I expect some Norwich fans will be smiling if they do struggle a bit.

CHELSEA (4^th)

After last years incredible (spawny) win of the Champions League and the FA Cup, Roman Abramovich did what he probably didn’t want to do and gave Roberto di Matteo the job full time.  The first player movement saw their best player in Didier Drogba, leave to go and play in China.  Their season will depend a lot on Fernando Torres who will be expected to score 20+ goals in the league, a total which he hasn’t looked remotely capable of for the past two seasons.  The midfield will still be strong with Mata, Ramires, Meireles, Essien, Mikel and Lampard being joined by the Brazilian Oscar.  Cech and the creaking Terry are still there and if the latter can stay on the pitch and not find some way to mess things up for himself and the team, they should have a good season.  The most irritating ‘fan’ I know is a Chelsea fan though so I want them to do really, really badly.

EVERTON (6^th)

David Moyes, the best pound for pound manager in the Premier League, is still in the hotseat despite media created interest from Spurs in the summer.  Big surprise that he prefers to wait for Sir Alex to pack it in which will be the time he leaves Everton who will do what they do every year and have a few ups and downs before finishing high up.  If they start well I could even see them doing better than I’ve predicted here if a couple of the big boys ‘do a Liverpool’ and have poor seasons.  Changes are afoot though as EFC stalwarts Joseph Yobo and Tim Cahill have been moved on.  Always had trouble scoring goals but that was pre-Jelavic who at the end of l;ast season, looked the dogs bollocks and as long as he fires again, they’ll do well.

FULHAM (13^th)

They are dull.  No, they really are and they’ll finish in a dull, mid-table, nothing to see here position.  Martin Jol is the manager and he’s decent but dull, their players are kind of dull and their kit is white and black with no bright colours in it.  Clint Dempsey has been linked with Liverpool and he occasionally has non-dull moments when he pulls his best “I’ve been shot” face whenever there’s any contact with an opposition player.

LIVERPOOL (8^th)

Not sure about Brendan Rodgers – he was the next big thing when at Watford and then he went to Reading and died on his arse horribly and found himself on the scrapheap before getting Swansea promoted and having a good first season in the Prem.  That’s it as far as top flight experience goes though and so for him to get the Liverpool job on the back of that is a bit surprising... mind you, Liverpool signed Andy Carroll and Jordan Henderson for £55 million on the back of half a decent season each in the Premier League.  What a job it is at Anfield with a large collection of very average players at his disposal in addition to Suarez and Gerrard.  He has made a couple of eyebrow-raising signings already which are eyebrow-raising but not necessarily for the right reasons.  Rodgers has brought in young Italian striker Borini and Swansea midfielder Joe Allen who was last seen constantly giving the ball away for Team GB in the Olympic football exit against South Korea.  Why is that since the new Yanks took over they seem to pay over the odds for everyone?

MANCHESTER CITY (1^st CHAMPIONS)

Fell over the finishing line in the end last year but having done that, I see them winning it by a street this year.  They have the best squad anyway and the most money to spend on strengthening.  It’s a bit odd as to why they haven’t done so as yet though as I write I see they’ve signed the permanently injured Jack Rodwell from Everton.  Their array of talent is quite bewildering and in Yaya Toure they have in my opinion, the most effective player in the league.  They have that Adam Johnson chap who they really don’t need so if Mr Mancini could see his way clear to keep paying his wages, Nigel Adkins would like to borrow him for a year, with an option to permanently swap him for Jonathan Forte at the end of the year.  They have the best spine in the league with Hart, Kompany, Toure and Aguero and then you add in average makeweights like Silva, Balotelli, Tevez, Richards, de Jong and fucking hell it’s frightening.  Who have we got first match?

MANCHESTER UNITED (2^nd )

Maintained a challenge last year purely on the back of bringing Scholes out of retirement to bolster their amazingly weak midfield.   I say ‘amazingly weak’ and by that, I mean that it’s better than most but it’s the weakest Man United midfield I can remember, it’s hardly Beckham, Keane, Scholes and Giggs in their prime is it?  The signing of Kagawa may solve this problem but it was hard to see them winning it this year without major investment which as I write, they’ve just made by signing van Persie.  Rooney of course scored a hatful last year so with RvP signing, they are taking a bit of pressure off of the man with the squirrel on his head.  Rughead should do well though as he should be refreshed after having the summer off.  Vidic will be fit again but to counteract that, Rio will be another year older and more dopey and neither de Gea or Lindegaard have fully convinced in goal as yet.  Big season for Javier Hernandez who needs to find the form of his first season but the former footballer known as Michael Owen has left and is currently sifting through the multitude of offers he’s been receiving from Premiership clubs, allegedly -  “Oh, this one says they actually want me to play.... not having that, just want to take my money, train a bit and then have lots of time to gamble on the horses”. 

NEWCASTLE (5^th)

Alan Pardew had a season last year where everything he touched turned to gold – the prime example being the signing on Papiss Cisse who rattled in a goal a game for the last 3 months of the season.  As well as Cisse, they have Demba Ba and Hatem Ben Arfa as well as the impressive Cabaye, Coloccini and Krul down the spine of the team.  They won’t have the strength in depth of the really big boys but as long as they don’t get too many injuries then there’s no reason that they can’t repeat the success of last season and maybe more with some more ‘gold’ standard buys from Pardew.  Getting sacked by Saints didn’t do him any harm did it?

NORWICH (19^th – RELEGATED)

Second season syndrome and a new manager in Chris Hughton who certainly has a job on his hands following up last seasons miracle.  I must admit that it pissed me off when Paul Lambert jumped ship to go to Villa.  Two promotions and mid-table finish in the Prem and off he went at the drop of a chequebook whereas he’d have been going ballistic if one of his players had done the same.  The LMA were pretty quiet in exactly the opposite way to how they never are when a manager gets sacked. The bottom line is that Norwich took the momentum from the previous two seasons into last year and over-achieved massively.  That momentum has been killed by the manager leaving and so I think a season of struggle beckons.  Rumours that Delia has created a speciality Paul Lambert Pie for the kiosks are unconfirmed at this juncture. Going down.

QPR (11^th)

Could finish anywhere between 7^th and 20^th to be honest.  They have money at their disposal it would appear and in Mark Hughes they have a solid manager as long as he doesn’t unexpectedly walk out like he’s unexpectedly done a few times in the past.  Seem to have bought well, starting with Ron Green in goal who despite his England disasters, is a decent Premier League keeper.  Lots of other players recuited with Premier League experience should make it a decent season for QPR in their Subbuteo stadium.

READING (12^th)

Irritating in the extreme how they won the Championship last season but fair play to them and their tactics were spot on for that division.  It’s a different ball game in the Prem though and Brian McDermott will have the funds at his disposal to compete as the takeover by a Russian with an unpronounceable name finally happened after months of scrutiny by the authorities over whether it was actually the Russian in questions money or not.  The first singning was Pavel Pogrebnyak who rattled in some goals for Fulham last year.  This raised alarm bells with me with a Russian owner buying a Russian player first up but maybe it was a coincidence and McDermott wanted him all along.  Their defence was uniformly slow last year and contained Ian Harte who is one grade slower again (and who will probably lose his place to the newly re-signed Nicky Shorey) but they got away with soaking up pressure and then hitting them superbly on the break using McAnuff and Kebe to devastating effect on the wings and inspired mid-season signing Jason Roberts to do the business in front of goal.  Can’t see them struggling to be honest.

STOKE (10^th)

Never knowingly signing a player under 6 foot 4 has served Tony Pulis well in his time in the Potteries and Stoke haven survived and prospered under his leadership.  Rumour has it that Youth Team prospects are released if they haven’t reached 6 foot by the age of 11 but it’ll all good at Stoke and another solid season beckons.  Joking aside they have some decent players with Etherington and Pennant consistently standing out, firing the ball into the Giraffe Peter Crouch who has finally found a team that appreciates him and plays to his strengths and that sums Stoke and Pulis up.  They have found a way to play and they are good at it.  They even still find a place for Rory Delap who is a limited footballer but he can throw a ball 3 miles so once again, they play to their strengths.  They’re especially good at winding up Arsene Wenger which should be applauded.

SOUTHAMPTON (15^th)

I think we’ll stay up as long as we play to our strengths and are not intimidated by the opposition.  The strengths of the team all lie in going forward and that’s what we have to do, especially in home games.  Some encouraging signings in the youthful Nathaniel Clyne and Jay Rodriguez with some Premier League experience arriving in the shape of Steven Davis.  I’m sure there will be more to come as well.  I also think the key is not to panic and this applies to everyone from Chairman to supporters.   Have some perspective – we were in League 1 two seasons ago and are welcomed to the Premier League with a nightmare fixture list to start off with which sees trips to Man City and Arsenal and a visit from Man United in the first 4 games.  I expect us to be bottom of the league after that little lot and supporters around me getting all twitchy.  Players like Sir Rickie, Morgan Schneiderlin and Adam Lallana can easily handle the step up but there are questions defensively and we are really paper thin in the centre back positions should there be an injury or suspension for either Fonte or Hooiveld.

SUNDERLAND (9^th)

Now in the second of Martin O’Neill’s three years in charge before he disappears for no readily apparent reason and I reckon they’ll do well as long as they can find a regular goalscorer.  Steven Fletcher may be that man if they can get him but the mercurial-in-his-own-mind Bendtner has gone elsewhere.  O’Neill is one of those managers who proves that the manager is the most important person at the club as he always takes sets of underperforming players and makes them better.  Should emerge as one of the best of the ‘also-rans’ this year.

SWANSEA (17^th)

Appointing Michael Laudrup for his first managerial stint in England is either going to be inspired or foolish and they deserve for it to be the former.  Caught a lot of people by surprise last year though the play of Dyer and Sinclair on the wings and Allen, Sigurdsson and Brittan in midfield.  Two of those players have gone elsewhere and the rest will be known quantities now so I see them having a bit of a struggle.  Laudrup may raise them above that but equally, he may not and as we’re in the prediction game here, I’m hedging that he’ll do ok and they’ll stay up.

TOTTENHAM (7^th)

Not sure about Spurs to be honest.  Injury faking diver Gareth Bale has signed a new deal but Modric will be off and of course they have a new manager in the shape of Andre Villas-Boas who I think it’s fair to say, didn’t shine either as a tactician or as a personality when manager of Chelsea.  To me he seemed out of his depth and a tad unprepared for not being a success as prior to Chelsea, his short career in Portugal had been exclusively successful.  The departed ‘Arry Redknapp has left them with a triffic set of players who should do really well but I can’t see them repeating last year’s 4^th place finish especially as they don’t seem to have any strikers apart from Defoe at present.  The only new signings are Sigurdsson (to replace Modric) and Vertonghen (to replace the retired Ledley King apparently).

WEST BROM (18^th RELEGATED)

They have to hope that the appointment of Professional No2 Steve Clarke is enough to keep them up.  I do wonder where the goals are coming from with the strikers they have but they do get some from midfield usually thorough the excellent Chris Brunt who is a player I really wish Saints had signed when he was in the lower leagues.  Pretty uninspiring looking from here but their fans have been brilliant whenever they’ve come to SMS in the past so I hope they have a decent season but at the moment, I struggle to see that they will.

WEST HAM (16^th)

Fat Sam is my prediction for first Premier League manager to get sacked.  The way it will play out is hoooooooooooooooooof and unlike last year, they will lose more than they win and the fans will not stand for losing without style as sins that can be forgiven in victory will not be permitted in defeat.  The Dildo Brothers will panic and get rid of him, allowing ‘Arry Redknapp to ride back into town and be given enough money to play with to keep them up which will be triffic, f’sure.  As it stands though, Fat Sam is still in place and there are question marks over every area of the team. Aside from the vastly improved Vaz Te) they appear to have a lot of average strikers.  In midfield, I do wonder how effective Kevin Nolan will be now he’s back in the Premier League and as for the defence -  I remember watching them on Match of the Day in their relegation season where ‘highly rated’ James Tomkins was a ‘one man calamity that goal was my fault’ specialist.  Oh yes, Rob Green has gone and been replaced by the vastly experienced Jussi Jaaskelainen as Fat Sam rebuilds his Bolton 2005 team. Rumoured targets are Kevin Davies, Jay-Jay Okocha and Ivan Campo.

WIGAN (20^th RELEGATED)

How many more times can they pull out of it at the last moment.   Roberto Martinez pulled off a miracle at the tail end of last season and the challenge will be how to avoid their usual abysmal start.  For his part, Martinez should have left as his stock is never going to be as high again.  I thought their best two players were Rodallega and Moses, well the former has gone to Fulham and the latter looks like he’s joining Chelsea.  Hopefully they’ll be in disarray and are shite when we play them in our first home game.

6 days to go - Nothing to Worry About!

Aaaargh!  We got no wingers !!!

Pre season is traditionally an exciting time for supporters regarding players coming to or going from their club.  As supporters we’re living in hope of signing a player who is going to be a game changer or signing a player who is going to strengthen a rather obvious weakness in your team.  It’s also a time where you have to be patient, especially this year as pre-season is longer than usual due to Euro 2012 and the Olympics.

The glaring deficiencies in the Saints squad are at centre half and on the wings where we have no back-up for the recognized first choices and no standout candidates respectively.  There are two weeks to go until the season starts and a further two until the window shuts but I’m beginning to get a bit concerned that an injury to Jos or Jose will see Dan All-at-Seaborne in the side to play against Aguero, Balotelli and Tevez when we kick off on the 19^th.

Let’s face it, he didn’t prove he was good enough to play against all those Total Football exponents in League 1, especially against the few sides that attacked us and played on the floor.  It’s obviously been decided that Aaron Martin is not ready and so he’s been loaned out to Palace and that Dan Harding is not good enough so he’s been sold to Forest (more on that later).  Elsewhere in the squad, Dicko, Barney and Johnno Pace have been told they’re free to move on as well so why is Seaborne still here when he’s arguably the most ill equipped for the Prem out of all of them?  Is it because that his long term injury means that Nigel and Crozzer haven’t made their mind up about him yet or is it that we can’t get anyone else in?  Why is it that Aaron Martin has been loaned out and replaced in the squad with the even younger Jack Stephens?  The answer is, in pure Adkinspeak, that “lots of work is going on behind the scenes”.  We know that but it doesn’t stop me worrying at our apparent lack of activity.

In the meantime we’ve been playing friendlies including one which bizarrely, was televised on Channel 5.  I thought our centre half problems had been sorted when I saw Ken Monkou pitch side at the Ajax game but sadly, the 48 year old colossus can’t hack it anymore even though I’d be less worried about him playing than Dan Seaborne.

A brief run through of the friendlies – we lost 1-0 to Ajax with the goal coming from Jose Fonte keeping to fine footballing principles and passing the ball out of defence which was OK until his pass went straight to an Ajax player who smashed it in the net.   There were decent performances with Adam Lallana and James Ward-Prowse being picked out by Ajax manager Frank de Boer who didn’t mention the fine debut from Paolo Gazzaniga’s hair which features a little ponytail to make him look hard.  Seriously – forget getting him to sing a song as part of his initiation – shave his head.

Wolves at home saw a decent performance and a 2-0 with goals from Billy Sharp and Punch.  Billy’s goal in particular was very well worked and Punch seems to be putting in a decent shift in pre-season despite being on most people’s list of players who won’t be here at the start of the season so fair play to him. 

A trip to Ashton Gate to play against last seasons double-defeat-inflicting Bristol City saw us dominate the opening of the game before going 1-0 down to a decent goal from the usually very average Jon Stead.  We created loads of chances playing decent football and missed them all before a good old fashioned cross into he mixer was headed down by Sir Rickie and Billy Sharp was there again to nick the equalizer at the back post and so the game ended 1-1 which proves that we have moved on massively from last season when we got beaten twice by this lot.  Bring on Manchester City….erm.

Before we can start dreaming of starting the season with a win at Eastlands, we had our final friendly against Udinese at home and I made a late decision that I was going to go.  I took to the new look Saints website and after 4 hours of trying to navigate my way round it and find the cost of tickets, I’d missed the match - part of that story may be true.  Actually, what happened was that I found of the prices and got hit with a large dose of ‘fuck that’ and so neatly dodged our 4-0 defeat, courtesy of some stunning goals including two from Di Natale who was last seen playing in the Euro 2012 final.  Reality check – oh yes.

As a general point though, the prices for the friendlies have been ridiculous.  By definition the games are just extended training sessions and we’re being asked to pay £20 for it.  I’ve seen it mentioned that Season Ticket Holders should be given free seats for friendlies ... why not try it and see how the money works out with a gate of 15000 instead of 5000.  Failing that, make the top price a tenner.

I never take friendly results as an indicator of an impending good / bad / indifferent season  but I have to say that I’ve been a wee bit concerned by our new formation which as I write, 6 days before our first game, we don’t have the players to carry off.  Nigel’s thinking appears to be that we need 3 players in the middle of the park and one of those should be Adam Lallana as he doesn’t have the requisite pace out wide.  OK – I buy that but it causes problems elsewhere.   If Adam is not on the left, we need someone else and at present, that someone is J-Rod who is no more a left winger than Jos Hooiveld.  Paying £6million-ish for a centre forward and playing him on the left wing seems odd and it illustrated perfectly against Udinese when we didn’t have the ball much and J-Rod spend most of his time running towards our own goal about 3 miles from the place centre forwards would usually be. Punch seems to be the man in favour on the right wing but as we know, he’s totally left footed and when was his last good competitive game in a Saints shirt?  Other candidates like Guly and Chappers do not have pace and the one who does, Steeeeeeeve isn’t anywhere the starting XI I would have thought.  Also of course, this formation leaves room for just one of Sir Rickie and Billy Sharp and both of them are the kind of players that need other players near to them. They both have many attributes but pace isn’t one of them.  Sir Rickie would be picked out of the two of them which would be harsh on Billy who has 5 pre-season goals so far.

The wingers issue has obviously not gone unnoticed elsewhere as in the last few days we’ve been linked with left winger Matt Jarvis from Wolves who has handed in a transfer request.  Wolves are playing hardball with Sunderland over the fee for their centre forward Steven Fletcher so I imagine they’ll be doing the same over Jarvis and I can’t see us playing £10million for him.  The other player linked is Matt Phillips from Blackpool and the great thing about this one is that we’ve got up Ian Holloway’s nose to the extent that he’s reported us for making an illegal approach, implying that we’ve gone behind his back.  It’s odd that Nigel’s said that he’s had a conversation with Holloway about it.  It’s also odd that Nicola Cortese has had discussions with the Blackpool Chief Exec about it.  Holloway seem to think we’ve not been stand up gentlemen about the whole thing but it’s ok for him to have a rant in a press conference.   I know he’s only looking out for his best interests but he is a cock but watch your back Ian,  it looks to me like people in the upper echelons of your club are trying to sell the player from under you.

The last actual activity that occurred regarding player movement was Dan Harding leaving to join Nottingham Forest.  I was never his biggest fan but he put in some decent performances for us, especially in his first season and knocked in a couple of decent goals when he found himself in the box.  I always found his defending to be poor especially when up against a physical player when he was always found wanting, especially in the air.  He would be buried alive in the Premier League so I’m glad he’s gone but good luck to him as in the main, he did a decent job.

So, 6 days to the start of the season.

Mood - Apprehensive