Euro 2012 Part 9 - Ronaldo says "I'll go 5th"

Germany: Good Up Front

27th June 2012 – Spain v Portugal (Semi Final)

The temptation was to bull this as Spain versus Ronaldo which is no doubt how Ronaldo would see it.  While of course, it a bit unfair the rest of the Portuguese side to see it this way, I can’t personally see Raul Meireles doing anything brilliant to win the match whereas Spain have so many potential match-winners and Torres if he’s playing, which he isn’t.  As he’s their 6th choice midfielder, Fabregas is left out to accommodate a striker but it’s Negredo and not Torres or Llorente as expected.  Portugal have their normal side.

I will attempt to sum up the entire 90 minutes in one paragraph as it was that dull.  Spain tried to pass it but Portugal were right in their faces and didn’t let them do any damage.  Arbeloa and Iniesta both fired just over from the edge of the box When Portugal got it, Grease was the word and every time Ronaldo got it he was cynically taken out, usually by Sergio Ramos who has made an artform of the cynical foul whilst wearing a cloak of invisibility so the ref doesn’t book him.  From the free kicks they did get when in range, Ronaldo smashed them all over the bar after all that chest out, arms down wanky posturing that he does.  Portugal’s main chance to win it came with a 4 on 2 break but unfortunately the man with the ball was Meireles whose shit pass to Ronaldo took all the impetus out of the attack and the Greaseball smashed it over the bar.  There have been soe strange goings on for Spain in that Xavi and David Silva were both very poor and replaced before the end with wingers Navas and Pedro.

Extra time was all Spain with Portugal seemingly knackered and just hoping to get through to penalties.  The Spanish wingers are causing problems with Pedro looking the more likely.  Navas is a strange player for a member of this Spanish side as he looks to knock it past the defender and go but his crossing is almost Milner-esque in the way it skims along the ground to no one in particular.  Jordi Alba is getting forward well and it occurs to me that if as a full back, you make a forward run, it must be nice to know that 99% of the time,  Iniesta won’t give it away and leave you 50 yards out of position.  There is no way Alba could play like he does if he had Ashley Young in front of him.

There are three decent chances for Spain with Ramos thumping a free kick just over, Iniesta drawing a great save from Patricio after a neat move involving Alba and Pedro and then the keeper again saving well from Navas’ angled blast.  Penalties it is then.  I have a few reasons for wanting Spain to win – is it wrong that one of them is that I want to see Ronaldo cry?  Xabi Alonso is up first – Patricio looks huge and the goal looks small and Spain’s regular penalty taker sees the keeper push away his effort at full stretch.  It’s advantage Portugal for about 30 second until Moutinho’s week effort is easily kept out by Casillas.  We get our first goals of the evening as Iniesta, Pepe and Pique all score and then up comes Portugal’s centre half, big bruiser Bruno Alves who gets to the penalty area before Nani catches up with him and sends him back as they’ve forgotten the order.  Nani scores easily.

Sergio Ramos is up next and the (BBC) commentators didn’t mention the Champions League Semi-Final (which was on ITV) when he took one in the shoot out and sent the ball into orbit.  I bet it was on Ramos’ mind though but cool as fuck he did a Pirlo and dinked it into the net as Patricio dived.  It’s even better than Pirlo’s one to be honest and Bruno Alves is now up and drives his penalty against the underside of the bar and out.  The reality dawns on everyone that the Greaseball is Portugal’s 5th penalty taker but if Fabregas scores this one then he’s not going to take one.  Fabregas pings his spot kick in off the post and Spain go through to the final as the camera pans to our hero who is looking to the heavens as if asking God why he tests his son this way.

The BBC commentary team crack me up – they’re better than ITV because they don’t have Chiles but everyone’s going that they didn’t fancy Alves and acting like big know-it-alls but hang on a minute – an inch lower and his kick goes in off the bar, an inch to the left and Fabregas’ kick stays out.  Small margins and all that.  They all however, agree on one thing which is that you don’t leave your main man until last.  It’s a bit like choosing to kick against the wind in the first half and finding yourself out of the game by the time the 2nd half kicks off.  However, no one points out that it is funny because it’s Ronaldo (see below).

Ronaldo: Captain fantastic as one with his team mates as usual

28th June 2012 – Germany v Italy (Semi Final)

In every tournament that we get, there is a general feeling that ze Germans are for some reason now likeable and not hate figures.  I almost fall into it myself at times but as the tournament goes on and they inevitably stay in it, they begin to rankle more than more.  Now we’re at the semi-finals and I really want them to get beaten.  You’ve got their manager Joachim Loew and his resting of players in the last round and you’ve got interviews with Jurgen Klinsmann to deal with.  He comes across as a really nice guy but there’s a real element of ‘we are ze Germans, we are ze best’ about him.  Of course, following yet another England exit, there are calls for us to go ‘The German Way’ like they’re the best thing since sliced bread.  Since 1996 they’ve won nothing and whilst they’ve been decent in recent years, they’ve developed a knack of messing it up when the going gets tough.

Having said that ze Germans wouldn’t let Pirlo dominate the game like England did, Loew changed his side and left out Thomas Muller for Toni Kroos, I assume to shadow Pirlo.  The game starts off like it’s going to be entertaining and ze Germans nearly take the lead when Buffon spills a low cross onto the shin of Barzagli and is relieved to see it deflect off him for a corner.    Balotelli and Cassano are looking lively up front and Hummels is suddenly not looking like the World class performer that Alan Hansen said he was when over reacting about a previous Germany game.  And so it came to pass that Italian arch thug Chiellini fed a pass into Cassano from the left.  Cassano had his back to goal but this became no problem as Hummels ran past him like a bad Sunday League player and allowed Cassano to simply turn and chip onto the head of Nutbagotelli who simply nodded past the static Neuer.

It got better for me and Italy about ten minutes later as Germany let in a goal which was straight out of the England 2010 manual.  A German attack was broken up in the Italian area and the ball fed to Montolivo on the left.  He paused looked up and sent a long ball over the hopelessly off balance Badstuber to put Balotelli through on goal and he absolutely smashed it in from 25 yards as Neuer just stood and waved it by again.  Oh, that’s funny.  It’s at times like this that you’re grateful for the BBC director who gets some crowd shots of Germans crying.  Brilliant.  It’s at times like this that I partly understand how Scots feel when England have their inevitable penalty defeat.  I know the Germans have done better than us but we’re out now so it’s fine to revel in others misfortune.

Loew has noticed that the only player moving less than Neuer is my mate Mario Gomez who come the big game, has been shit.  His lack of movement means that good defenders find him easy to deal with and he’s gone at half time, as is Podolski, replaced with Reus and Klose.  Ze Germans are going to have to be at their ruthlessly efficient best to get back into it against this superb Italian defence but they’re not as Lahm plays a neat 1-2 with Reus but really has to do better than sidefoot it into the crowd from the edge of the box.  Reus goes close from a free kick but a combination of Buffon and the crossbar keep him out.

I can’t believe I’m seeing this but after 65 minutes, ze Germans have gone.  It’s all Italy as Germany all bomb forward and keep getting caught on the break.  The only saving grace for them is that Italy keep missing.  Marchisio flashes a shot just wide at the end of a glorious sweeping move, di Natale nearly nicks the ball off of Neuer who is pissing about in the penalty area, Diamanti falls over when he’s facing the last defender and finally Balzaretti gets the ball in the net but he’s narrowly offside (“oh for fucks sake” says the pub I’m in).

92 minutes are gone when ze Germans are awarded a soft penalty for a handball against Balzaretti and even though Ozil scores, there is no time for them to attempt to snatch a totally undeserved draw and so the Italians win and go through to face Spain in the final.

So the German way, the way we should adopt is to have a great midfield but to piss about with it in a massive game and totally unbalance the team.  They have a dodgy defence and the attack is questionable.  They are undeniably better than us of course but they’re not the finished article as yet.  As for the Italians, well Pirlo ran the game again with a performance that was as good, if not better than the one he put in against England.  He got man of the match but how can you look past Balotelli who was superb and deservedly got the two goals.   He’s still a nutjob though – see his booking for taking his shirt off after scoring which must have meant Prandelli was delighted he got to 60 minutes without getting himself sent off.

Italy versus Spain in the group was the best game I’ve seen so far so I’m happy that it’s the final.  I predict the Spanish will play without a striker so Torres will start.  I hope the Italians play with Balotelli and Cassano up front which will at least stop it being a midfield bore.  If Pirlo can be influential with all the Spanish midfielders around him then Italy have a shout but if I had to predict a winner, I’d go with 1-0 to Spain.