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16th June 2012 – Group A
So now we reach the point in the tournament where teams
start going home unless they’ve done an Ireland or Sweden and managed to get
homeward bound a game early. Today we
have the conclusion of Group B with Greece playing Russia and the Czech
Republic playing Poland. Of course, both
games kick off at the same time.
Greece have given themselves a chance by dropping Mr Bean
and picking a goalkeeper. Russia have
the better of the first half with Kerzhakov firing wide by 6 inches as opposed
to his usual 6 miles. Other Russian
chances come and go, mainly through Zhirkov who is playing so far forward that
‘left back’ seems a bit of a misnomer.
They still hadn’t worked Mr Bean’s replacement though and then, out of
nowhere, Greece score as a throw down the line is obligingly headed to
Karagounis by a Russian centre back. As Karagounis
advances, no one closes him down and he gets into the box before firing straight through Malafeev to put the Greeks
1-0 up. The TV flashes up a ‘as it
stands’ table and Greece are now top, above Russia with the Czechs in third –
all with 4 points. I can’t get my head
around that at all for now as surely the Russians are above both as they won
that game 4-1. Half time.
In the Czech Republic v Poland game, Poland have to win to
go through, otherwise their only victory will have been on the streets of
Warsaw, giving some Russian fans a good kicking. The first half is all Poland but nothing is
on target with both Boenisch and Obraniak hitting the side netting and
Lewandowski firing wide when he really should have scored. Boenisch at least forced a save from Cech when
he had a shot from about 40 yards which dipped in front of the keeper who
actually remembered that he is supposed to be one of the worlds’ best and
palmed it wide.
The second half saw the Czechs coming more into it as they
knew that they had to score. Poland
appeared to have shot their bolt in the first half and were producing nothing
and were grateful to Baros butchering a 3 on 2 break by shooting from miles out
when both Jiracek and Gabre Selassie were available. He didn’t make the same mistake a second time
though when following Poland giving the ball away yet again, he advanced and
fed Jiracek who skipped inside a desperate defender and rolled it past Tyton to
take the Czech’s from third to top of the group as it stands with just 15
minutes left.
The second half of Greece against Russia is more even as
Russia are going for it and leaving spaces at the back. Karagounis dances through one of these and
into the box and it hacked over. Surely
it’s a penalty, no it’s a booking for diving and if the Greeks go through, he
misses the next match which is bollocks.
Greece hit the post from a free kick whilst the Russians huff and puff
and do sod all really. News of the Czech
goal filters though and so the Russians now know they are 15 minutes from going
out and still they produce fuck all. One
of the commentators (Andy Townsend I think) pondered after the first game if
Russia had the mental toughness to win the tournament and today we say that
Townsend was right and that they have no mental toughness at all. When they needed it, the managed zero shots
on target. Last minute…
Poland were gone now but they could still have a say and
Blaszcykowski shot and time stood still.
If it goes in then the Czech’s are out and Russia go through with
Greece. If it doesn’t then the Czech’s
win the group and Russia are out. It’s
going in and then Kadlec gets back to head it off the line and I would imagine
that the whole of Poland celebrates.
So, the Czech Republic win the group and unbelievably, because
of the head-to-head record counting before goal difference, Greece finish 2nd
and Russia go out despite being the only side in the group with any quality –
stupid rule isn’t it, or is it…
The reason I initially thought it was a stupid rule to have
head-to-head records before goal difference is that I’m a traditionalist. Since time began it’s been points, then goal
difference, then goals scored. In a group
of 4 teams though, maybe it’s a good thing to have it the other way round as it
means that there is less likelihood of their being meaningless games at the end
of the group. If the rules had been the
traditional way then Greece would have had to have beaten Russia by 3 goals to
finish above them which they would never have been able to do. Poland in all truth should have qualified but
making a balls of the first game against Greece was their undoing. 1-0 up and half an hour against 10 men…. You
gotta win that. Still, as they say in
Poland… It’s my party and I’ll kick the fuck out of the Russians if I want to.
The end result is though, that two incredibly average teams
have progressed from Group A and I would be amazed if it’s not whoever finishes
first and second in Group B who makes the semi-finals.
17th
June 2012 – Group B
The other reason I suddenly like the rules to separate teams
on the same points is that it means there’s a chance that Germany could
actually go out if they lost to Denmark and Portugal beat the Netherlands. It was a dream scenario but I couldn’t really
see it happening. The Dutch could only
go through if they beat Portugal by 2 goals and ze Germans beat Denmark. Needing a favour off of ze Germans must stick
in the throat of the Dutch as (as one Dutch man put to me) we haven’t trusted
the Germans for 70 years.
It all started well for Bert van Marwijk the Dutch
boss. He’d left out the creaking Van
Bommel and the ineffective Afellay to accommodate Huntelaar and van der Vaart
and the latter put the Dutch ahead after 10 minutes, curling a brilliant left
footed effort into the far corner. It
got even better for the men in Orange when word came through that Germany had
taken the lead against Denmark when abysmal defending from a throw in allowed
Muller (who had earlier missed an absolute sitter, passing to the keeper when
he had a free shot from 6 yards) to squirt the ball across to give Podolski a free
shot from 6 yards and he showed Muller how to do it on his 100th
appearance for the country he isn’t from.
The Dutch suddenly have a problem though – not only do Denmark equalise
as Krohn-Delhi nods in after Bendtner heads a corner back into the mix but
Christiano Ronaldo has decided to turn up today. Firstly he served notice by racing away down
the left before cutting in a sliding his shot just wide of the post before he
fastened onto a Pereira pass and easily beat Stekelenberg to make it 1-1.
So, half time and Germany and Portugal are going through, as
most people expected. My dream scenario
(which I will now call my Evil Masterplan to ensure the elimination of Germany)
is a Portugal goal and a Denmark goal away from coming to fruition.
I’m watching the Portugal v Netherlands match as it’s by far
the more interesting of the two and it’s all about Ronaldo. He’s not a team player at all and it’s all
got to be about him but what a player. A
superb touch sees him skin Van der Wiel and set off down the left He’s got two players screaming for a pass in
the middle for a tap in but you can see his brain thinking “if I shoot and
score then this will be a great goal” so he takes on Van der Wiel again and
then slices it wide. You can almost
understand his thinking though as ten minutes later he’s away again down the
left and this time he beautifully picks out Nani at the back post, all of 10
yards out with just the keeper to beat and guess what, he hits the keeper. Ronaldo is playing to the cameras after
Nani’s miss as if to say “you see what I have to work with here”. He has a point but if I was a team mate, I’d
think that I’m lucky to have such a brilliant player in my side but I’d also be
thinking that he’s a right cunt.
Ronaldo probably forgave his lesser talented team mate
though as following a quick break out of defence, Nani’s ball put Ronaldo in on
goal and he easily sold the last defender a dummy before easily beating
Stekelenberg to make it 2-1. Game over
for the Dutch but a step closer for the Masterplan. Two minutes later and that’s all over though
as Germany predictably take the lead again with a goal from the amusingly named
Bender who has steamed up from right back and latched onto a pass that wasn’t
meant for him and put it away easily.
The Danes have had their chances with one shot skimming a post and the ref missing Bendtner
having his shirt pulled in the box by Badstuber as he went for a cross but ze
Germans prevail yet again.
Meanwhile, van der Vaart crashed a right foot shot off of
the post before Ronaldo’s attempt for a hat-trick also comes back off a
post. The games both end 2-1 and so the
Germans advance to play Greece (insert your own Eurozone bail-out joke here)
and Portugal will play the Czech Republic.
The Group of Death has seen the Germans advance as you would expect and
the Dutch remind me of England in the 2010 World Cup as they seemed to be
bereft of team spirit and the big players not performing. Van Persie, Robben and Affelay were disasters
and age has caught up with van Bommel who is now so slow that he can’t get
close enough to opposition players in order to kick them. At least he tries though which is more than
can be said for some of the others.
Having said that he should start, Huntelaar was complete shit and looked
like he was still sulking about being a sub in the first two games. Only Wesley Sneijder escapes criticism
really.
Shame to see the Dutch leaving
Over the next couple of days we find out which two out of
Croatia, Italy and Spain will go through and the culmination of England’s
group. We only need a draw but no doubt
we will put everyone through the ringer by going a goal down in 5 minutes or
something like that. With Ukraine being
the tolerant society that it is, expect scenes like something out of
Mississippi Burning if Danny Welbeck scores.
Wayne Rooney has been on interview duty from the England camp and is
making all the right noises and he’s had that squirrel on his head
trimmed. What can possibly go wrong?
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