NPC Match 40 - Blackpool 3 Southampton 0

"I am Premier League and I'm above this Championship Shit you know !"

Oh I do like to be beside the seaside... yeah, whatever.  Think of Blackpool and I think of donkeys but Jason Euell has left.  They’ve got Brett Ormerod (as the song goes) but he never gets a game now, unlike Kevin Phillips who isn’t on the Vodafone network.  On the subject of Kevin Phillips – good player, great goalscorer and a major threat today.  They have other attacking flair in the shape of Matt Phillips and Thomas Ince so if should be interesting.   Ian Holloway is of course, the man in charge and is a very good reason for wanting to win.  A much better reason for wanting to win is that the Fat Sam Total Football Academy are at home to Reading today and we have a great chance to gain some more points on one or both of them.

Firstly, a correction - at the end of the last game I said we needed 15 point to be promoted but that was wrong due the aforementioned FSTFA v Reading game today.  In fact, 13 points will be enough to finish above Fat Sam with our superior goal difference, which, in case you’re wondering Sam, we have because we don’t try to shut up shop at 1-0. 

The main SFC news this week has been the start of the new training complex and the release of the accounts up until June 2011.  The new training complex will be the dogs bollx and costs about as much as we got for Alex Chamberlain, a sale which incidentally, came after those accounts that were published.  I love all this about the training ground, infrastructure and long term thinking as it gives me a warm glow.  Why would you bother with all that if you were just in it for a quick buck?

 I’m sure the trolls will see the headline from the Accounts, that the Liebherr estate loaned us £33m and then converted it to shares, as a negative but (I think) this means that it’s not a liability to the club any more – they have shares in a company that they own.  More troll bait is that wages were 93% of turnover in June 2011 but since then, turnover has gone up 70% whilst wages won’t have increased as much.  In 7 games time we’ll have a fair idea of turnover for next year and I’m led to believe that we’ll get a few quid if we go up.   This is probably one of the most boring couple of paragraphs I’ve ever written but we’re all a bit more interested in football finances these days given our own administration and the stench permanently wafting down the M27 from the East.

So, to the game and we’re on the bloody telly again so it’s a 5.20 kick off.  I made the schoolboy error of assuming it was on Sky so made arrangements to go to the pub and all that that entails before finding out it was on the BBC and I was rumbled and given children to look after.  Of course, with it being a 5.20 kick off, we know the other scores and Fat Sam will be choking on his post match meal of chips, lard and Mars Bars as Reading went to the Boleyn Ground and won 4-2.  Another interesting one is that the Skates played at home to mid-table Burnley and got dicked 5-1.  So, the team failed but even more predictable was that the self proclaimed Best fans in the World ™ failed to Pack the Park.

Back to Blackpool and the TV coverage is the usual cliché ridden pile of shite.  You can imagine the brains trust at the pre-production meeting.  “Listen, it’s at Blackpool, seaside town, famous for the tower so let’s get a shot of the tower in the opening titles along with a shot of a wacky Blackpool fan in a novelty hat as they’re very popular here”.  So, after a shot of the tower and some ugly bint in a stupid fucking hat and glasses (the O’s in pool are the eyes – oh yes), we find out the teams and where’s Sir Rickie? Apparently he’s still in Southampton nursing a groin strain so we have Billy Sharp up front with the returning Guly.  Chappers comes in on the right in place of Steeeeeve and Butters is again at right back in place of Frazer.  Holloway has gone mad with his players and made 7 changes from their last game.  After all the worry about Kevin Phillips, he’s out injured as well so up front they have the lumbering Gary Taylor-Fletcher, supported by the fleet footed Matt Phillips and Tom Ince who is unlike his father in that you don’t immediately want to punch him in the face.

On the sofa as pundits you have Mark Lawrenson and Steve Claridge.  Lawro looks and talks like a man who believes he is above all this Championship lark talking in condescending terms of how he wants to see what all the fuss is about with Lallana and Southampton in general.  Claridge is synonymous with Championship coverage and as such, looks more natural and talks more sense.   He gets a lot of stick from our fans, purely for being a Pompey fan but I think he’s alright.  Put it this way, he’s more objective when talking about Saints than I would be talking about them Skate Bastards.

Away we go and we make a decent start as Blackpool get to grips with all of their team changes and we really should take the lead on 5 minutes as Adam Lallana slides Guly in and he reaches the ball first to chip it over the onrushing Gilks and just wide.  Having got to the ball first he really should have scored with the whole goal to aim at.

We’re on top and controlling things and then in the blink of an eye it all changes as a long ball from the left back catches Butters out and Phillips is away on the left, feeding the lumbering Taylor-Fletcher whose clipped effort is well tipped over by Superkelv.  We clear the corner but another long ball dissects the defence again and Ince is away down the right and he feeds Taylor-Fletcher who lumbers in and sees his prodded effort well saved by a Superkelv boot before he lumbers the rebound wide.  Ince scoots past Foxy straight afterwards and goes himself this time with Superkelv holding his effort at the near post.  So – we’ve gone from in control to in the shit and it’s looking like our last televised appearance against Leeds where Superkelv stopped everything.

In that game of course, we had Sir Rickie to bang in a goal but in this game we don’t and that was illustrated next as after a decent move, Lallana played in Guly who was trashed by the sliding Harris for a penalty.  It was a foul but Guly went down a bit easily it has to be said and the linesman gave it instead of the ref.  I had a quick think about who would take it with Sir Rickie not being present.  I believe that Dean Hammond is the reserve penalty taker but he’s not on the pitch so I’m expecting Danny Fox or Guly to take it.  The punters who have Jack Cork at 750-1 to score the first goal are momentarily excited thinking he may be on the penalties before reality strikes that it’s Billy Sharp to take responsibility.  He does not look confident as he waits for the ref and then he seems to look at the ref again as he starts his run up, bang, keepers right, comfortable save. Bugger.  It’s one of those where if the keeper goes the right way, he saves it.

Four minutes later and we’re back up the other end and Taylor-Fletcher is lumbering up the left wing.  He cuts in and lumbers past Butters and Chappers who knocks him off balance before he lumbers into the penalty area before a lumbering belly flop into Morgan which the ref deems worthy of another penalty.  Maybe he thought that it needed evening up as he didn’t give the one up the other end but it’s a shite decision.  Dobbie, who bears a resemblance to the ugly Harry Potter goblin thing of the same name, places it perfectly into the corner and though Superkelv goes the right way, he has no chance.

Blackpool are now looking the much better side but we’re creating a few things when we go forward and never more so than on the half hour when from a Foxy corner and a Chappers flick on, Big Jos steams in and puts a free header wide of a gaping goal from about 6 yards.  Having watched it a few times, I can’t make up my mind if he should have scored or was it travelling too fast.  My gut feeling though is that from there and with a forehead that wide, he should have scored.

Thirty seconds later and the ball in our net again as Gilks wellies the goal kick, the lumbering Taylor-Fletcher beats Jos in the air and heads it on and Dobbie holds of Jose before firing across Superkelv and into the far corner.  Great finish but absolutely shithouse amateur hour defending from us.  The rest of the first half consisted of lots of sideways and backwards from us and every time we went forward, incorrect offside calls against Billy Sharp.  It isn’t going well or looking good.

Half time and a chance for Lawro to be condescending before we start the second half with Steeeeve coming on for Chappers to add some pace to our efforts to get back into it.  Funnily enough, I feel that this game is completely gone already and as such, I feel kind of immune to what happens next.

The first major action of the second half is Blackpool winning a corner and the kick being headed over the bar by Baptiste as Jose challenged him.  Not a corner in my book but we completely switch off as Big Jos loses his man to present Evatt with a free header from about 4 yards which he isn’t going to miss, 3-0, game over even more.

We’re never going to score but we have a go as a Fox corner ends up at the feet of Guly near the byline.  He takes his time and picks the best option which is to tee up Lallana who balloons his effort over the bar, no doubt causing Lawro to write down another condescending point to bring up at the end of the game.

Adam does get an effort on target later but it’s cleared off the line and it wouldn’t have counted anyway as Billy Sharp had pulled off that trick whereby he makes the defender who is playing him onside disappear, causing the lino to get it wrong again.  Steeeeve attempts to put the impact into impact sub by flying down the right wing before firing over a decent cross right onto the head of Lallana who manages to not make contact somehow.

By the look of it, Danny Fox is peed off and he has a go at missing the next 3 games with a wild challenge on Ince which I would have applauded if it’s had been his dad on the receiving end.  Luckily it’s only deemed worthy of a yellow and he’s still on the pitch to take a free kick awarded when Jose bursts onto a ball and is taken out on the edge of the box.  Danny’s free kick is round the wall and heading in until Gilks gets across to push it away.

All that’s left is a spate of substitutions as Brett Ormerod comes on for the ugly goblin fucker from Harry Potter and Lee Barnard comes on for Guly.  Nothing changes and my interest is not engaged and you can tell that we know the game is up and we’re not going to mount a storming comeback.  You can also tell that we can’t be arsed any more as Lua Lua comes on for the last few minutes and doesn’t even get much stick, despite being the main protagonist in the ‘Sha la la’ match at Fratton Park in 2005.  The ref can’t be bothered either and ends the game, spot on the 90 minutes + 3 minutes of injury time mark.

Well, how do you sum up that one?  Quite frankly, we were crap and deserved to lose.  You can point at a couple of things that went against us which could have made things turn out differently – Guly should have scored after 5 mins and of course there was the penalty miss. The shite decision to give Blackpool a penalty for a dive was a bit of a turning point but at the end of the day, we got battered and let in two of the worst goals you’re ever likely to see to kill the game off.  We missed a decent chance to put some serious distance between us and Fat Sam but it’s not a disaster as long as we move on.  It reminded me of a game last season at Rochdale where we were on a long undefeated run and then just simply didn’t show up.  Last year of course we kicked on and won every match from there on in and hopefully we can do that again.  Blackpool were decent though and deserved any luck they did get for basically playing with four forwards.  I hate to admit it but Holloway did well as he wasn’t afraid to freshen his side up and they reaped the rewards.

When you come off a long unbeaten run and get thumped – the key of course is how you react.  We have the Skates at home next and in terms of that game, today’s reverse might not be a bad thing.  I was a bit worried about the Skates being more up for it than us but not anymore – there is no danger of any complacency at all having just got stuffed.  We will obviously be hoping that Sir Rickie is fit and Frazer would be a welcome addition as well.  I also feel at this stage that Deano, Lee Barnard, Punch and Steeeve will be in with a shout of starting. There were a number of bad individual performances today and you’d really struggle to pick a SFC man of the match so I’m not going to.

As Nigel is prone to saying, draw a blue line under it and move on - 6 games left, 12 points needed.

Bring on the Skates and at 3pm after we’ve beaten them, I want to hear 30,000 people singing ‘who the fuck is laughing now’.