Wilfried Zaha throws another wobbler
48 hours after the Skates match finished and we were hopefully ready to go again against Crystal Palace Albion fan about who we were playing on Easter Monday, I got out “Crys…” before I was corrected with “the scum”. More of Brighton later…
To the team and for once I called it correctly with three changes being made. The injured Morgan was replaced by Jack Cork, Chappers came in on the right for Guly and Danny Butterfield came in against his former club in place of Frazer who obviously having just returned from injury, couldn’t do two games in three days. Is it obvious though… maybe Butters is playing because it’s against Palace. Players usually do well against their former sides or against managers with whom they have a point to prove – hence Chappers should always play against a Darren Ferguson team and he’ll always score.
Butters find himself up against Wilfried Zaha who is obviously a talented footballer but at SMS earlier on in the season, he counteracted this by acting like a petulant five year old. He’s causing moments of panic on their left though and the first chance falls to another who stood out at SMS for different reasons - Dikgacoi is basically a big fat lump with the mobility of a very large wardrobe. The Wardrobe manages to heave his arse off the ground and get his head to a Martin corner, forcing Superkelv to tip it over the bar. After a small delay while ground staff repairs the damage to the pitch where the Wardrobe has landed, we carry on.
It takes quarter of an hour but The Saints are Coming with Billy Sharp lobbing wide and then Chappers seeing an effort deflected wide for a corner. Sir Rickie has his first sighter on goal and his effort is tipped wide by Speroni and so we win another corner. It’s delivered short from the right by The Fox to Lallana and his cross is controlled and fired in at the back stick by Sir Rickie but the whistle has already gone for a needless assault committed by Jose against his former club as the ball came across.
Palace have a decent Academy and are not afraid to throw these guys in and should be applauded for that. Debutant De Silva causes consternation with a weaving run past two players and a decent shot which Superkelv helps over the bar. It’s a prelude for us taking the lead though as the corner is cleared and we eventually work the ball out via a Fox crossfield ball to Chappers and back to Butters on the right who slings over a wonderful cross which drops over McCarthy the centre back and into the gap in front of Clyne at right back. Guess who was there to thump the header into the net for 1-0? Goal Number 29 of the season for Sir Rickie.
Every time Deano has a shot now it’s prefixed by ‘Hammond who hasn’t scored since the first game of the season’ and he still hasn’t as he smashes one from 25 yards which goes narrowly wide with Speroni scrambling. We’re approaching half time but we cough up a glorious chance to Palace as Scannell’s flick finds Chris Martin in loads of space and he lashes woefully over the bar in an exhibition of finishing that was truly dreadful, like all those fucking U2-lite records he makes when he’s not being sensitive and making Mung Bean and Lentil Casseroles with Gwyneth Paltrow. Half time and happy days are here again.
As the second half gets underway, Dave Merrington is at his insightful best with the assertion that we really need a clean sheet. In case we didn’t get that, he repeats it about four times until I actually ponder whether Dave actually died a few years ago and Radio Solent kept a library of his clichés to play at the right moment so they don’t have to pay out for another expert summariser.
It’s going very well at the moment and we’re keeping possession well and Palace are obviously getting frustrated with it all and Foxy hits Clyne with a strong tackle which raises the temperature a bit. The Palace players mood won’t have been helped on 55 minutes when Adam Lallana outmuscles the Wardrobe who ate Adam’s weight in burgers as his pre-match meal. Adam feeds Corky who slots the ball through to Sir Rickie who still has a lot to do. He runs at McCarthy, feints right, goes left and buries it across Speroni into the far corner for 2-0.
Zaha has managed about 60 minutes without being a complete cock so it’s not a surprise when as the tackles start flying with some Bald Psycho giving it some. Zaha decides to steam over to Corky, dives in, comes out without the ball and then shoves him over earning an inevitable yellow card. Clyne and Foxy have another spat as well and it’s all kicking off. Big Dave Merrington is clearly not dead because what he said next was so strange that it couldn’t possibly have been recorded in advance as he declared that it will be a “Braziliant” result if Saints win today.
On 65 it’s nearly “5th hat-trick of the season time” as a Sir Rickie chests up a loose ball to himself and casually volleys it just over the bar before Palace make a tactical switch with the Zaha coming over to the right as he’s thrown so many toys out of his pram on the left, there wasn’t enough room to play football anymore. Zaha is a good player though and goes past Foxy and plays a “bury me” ball into the path of Martin who plays an air shot which looks atrocious until you realise that Jose has got a toe in and deflected it away.
Nigel responds to the danger of Zaha on their right by replacing Fox with Dan Harding which causes my eyebrows to raise up in surprise but the managers reasoning is that Dan is quicker and he’ll be able to counter Zaha better. Dan is helped out in the first instance by Big Jos who in a very unsubtle way, charges over and takes out Zaha on the left hand edge of the penalty area. Good job Jos, well done. It becomes even funnier a minute later as Martin, their free kick expert, launches the free kick straight out for a goal kick in the absence of any 14 foot tall Palace players to get on the end of it.
It’s 75 minutes gone and standing ovation time as Sir Rickie is rested for Friday and off he comes to be replaced by Guly. Usually we have to put up with Jack Cork and his poor efforts at trying to break his season long duck but now it’s the turn of Jose Fonte who does his best Sir Rickie impersonation in that he peels away to the back post, rises majestically to meet Adam Lallana’s cross and then fucks it all up by heading it straight at Speroni. The rebound comes straight out to Guly who repeats the effort and heads straight to the keeper. Saints are all over Palace now and Jose again has another go and this time his cross-cum-shot flies wide. Perhaps he and Corky have a bet on to see who scores first.
There is just time for Harding to stop Martin bursting through on goal with a superbly timed tackle and for Chappers to be replaced for injury time with Steeeeeve. There is magnificent chorus of ‘Who the fuck is laughing now’ from the travelling 6000 and then the final whistle and full time – 2-0, get in there.
What a difference a couple of days make. I’d spent the 48 hours since the Skates match finished being a right grumpy bastard but now all was well with the world after a great performance by the red and white machine, albeit against a side who are on the beach already for the summer. You can only beat what’s in front of you though and we did that with a degree of comfort.
After not really being at the races against the Skates, our midfield turned up big time today with Corky and Deano being immense and totally dominating against the Wardrobe whilst Chappers got back to somewhere near his early season form with an all action display. Meanwhile, though he was not at his most productive offensively, Adam Lallana worked his proverbial nuts off. This is our best midfield Nigel, please use it for the Reading game. As for Sir Rickie, well… 30 goals for the season with 4 games to go – he’s a fucking God isn’t he?
Nigel was rightly full of praise for the 6000 away fans afterwards, pointing out the direct positive effect they had on the team. I was a but pissed off that we had games on Saturday then Monday whereas Reading and West Ham had Friday-Tuesday and Friday-Monday respectively but having won today it’s great as the other two have the pressure now in the same way that we had it on Saturday.
Following our game, I kept in touch with West Ham against Birmingham which despite Birmingham being 2-0 and 3-1 up, ended in a draw with Fat Sam getting a point. Fat Sam would have snapped your hand off for that at half time but he’d also have snapped your hand off if you had a cake or a pie in it and you’d get your hand back minus a few fingers and your wedding ring. Reading are up next with a difficult trip to Brighton . Oddly, Fat Sam’s next game is also against Brighton and many have had their pants pulled down when they least expect it when Brighton are in town. If this ever gets published anywhere, I may take that gag out.
So, roll on to Friday and the visit of Reading for what is slightly enormous game, the biggest of the season by a mile. I am by nature a very pragmatic Saints supporter in that I subscribe fully to the one game at a time approach as advocated by our glorious leader. This is a mechanism used against the inevitable fuck up that’s around the corner but…. it’s getting fucking close now. I could go into all the permutations but I can’t be arsed – so for now it’s…
4 games to go, 6 points needed…
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