NPC Match 33 - Watford 0 Southampton 3

The Vicarage Road pitch has seen better days

We have 14 games to go this season, only 6 of which are at home.  Even if we were to win all 6 of these home games, we still need at least 2 wins on the road to get enough points to almost certainly get promoted.  On the face of it, today represents a really good opportunity against a side who are not in the relegation zone but aren’t pulling up any trees either.  They’ve also just sold their best striker, Marvin Sordell.  I thought they were relegation favourites at the start of the season but are almost certainly safe unless they really collapse.  Staying up would represent a decent first season for Sean Dyche, their manager.

For us this week, Ben Reeves has been shipped out on loan to the Daggers, so according to Gus Poyet, he should feel right at home.  Adam Lallana and Sir Rickie have been named in the top 3 Championship players by the managers along with Peter Whittingham from Cardiff.  I’m sure that Peter will enjoy his award.  We also started work on the new training facility at Staplewood which costs £8m quid which is about £9m more than Pompey have spent on theirs which of course, is a school owned pitch in Southampton.  In their misery and need to deflect attention away from their own meltdown, the Skates are trying to make an issue of this, implying that this somehow means we’re broke.  Let’s see.... it’s called infrastructure, it benefits the club, makes it more attractive to players and any would be investors and the cost is about 60% of what we got when we sold our last Academy product, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain.

 

Talking of Alex… there was a new England squad picked by Stuart Pearce and he wasn’t in it which was a shame because a) we may have got some more money and b) we have to suffer Stewart Bloody Downing once more.  I confidently predict that Pearce will not get the gig full time.  And finally... Pompey are fucked but they have at least started to deal in reality and loaned out a high earner in Huseklepp and got in a kid to replace him.

Back to today and many questions, like would the Gulyman return ? Would Chappers keep his place ? Would Big Jos be fit ?  Would Tadanari Lee start ? Would Dan Harding play backwards and inside out again ?  If not then who?  The answers were No, Yes, Yes, Yes, No and Danny Butterfield and we again had no keeper on the bench despite seeing West Ham have the same problem in midweek and end up with a midfielder in goal for 40 minutes.  Unfortunately, the buggers still won.

Watford’s ranks were boosted for this match by the arrival of Tomasz Kuszczak who was a decent keeper a few years ago before he gave up playing football to join Man United who back then, signed keepers based on Scrabble scores.  He moaned once that he was a slave until someone pointed out that slaves who don’t earn 30 grand a week might get a bit upset by his analogy.  They also had the on loan Marcelo Trotta from Fulham who has been scoring goals for fun for Wycombe in League 2.

Some decent news arrived from the early game as the Fat Sam Total Football Bandwagon came off the rails a bit with a 0-0 draw at home to Crystal Palace.  Still, to quote Fat Sam, they are ‘the best footballing side in the division’.  Of course they are.

Talking of Rugby – Saracens play it here at Vicarage Road and consequently, the pitch won the battle of the first 10 minutes as no one put their foot on the ball and it just bobbled around, we had a minor scare when a hoof forward resulted in Superkelv cming out and punching ball whilst flattening forward.  In my opinion, there is no excuse these days for having a shite pitch and especially in the Championship and above.  Like in cricket, there should be penalties for dodgy surfaces and in short, you should not be sharing your ground with Rugby teams.

We took the lead on 12 minutes with a hilarious goal which was made at Manchester United.  Jose Fonte had the ball in the right back area and hoisted a hopeful cross to the edge of the box and in a bit of goalkeeping that was as poor as anything you will ever see, Kuszczak came out about 10 yards allowing Sir Rickie to loop a simple header over him which bounced into the net.  What is it about us and Man Utd goalkeepers?  Everyone remembers Le Tiss versus Taibi and last year we had an abysmal bit of keeping from Man United’s current 3^rd choice Ben Amos when playing for Oldham as he let an Adam Lallana scuffer through his legs in our 6-0 win.

Saints are taking the pragmatic approach to the dodgy pitch and just getting the ball in there.  When faced with attempting to run down a wing which has been chewed up by Rugby line-outs or bomb the ball into the box early, Danny Fox takes the latter option and following an impressive bit of persistence by Tadanari Lee (the man now known at Chung), the ball falls to Sir Rickie whose volley is straight at Kuszczak.

We’re in dreamland a few minutes later though as Morgan breaks up play in midfield and feeds Lallana who throws a defender with a drag back before squaring for Sir Rickie to drive home first time from the edge of the box.  Lovely finish and 2-0.

All Watford seemed to have was set pieces which usually ended with a clearance followed by a wild slash over the bar from a Watford player.  Chung binned ex-Skate Hogg in the centre of the park and instead of playing it out as he was injured, he said "fuck it, he’s a Skate" (in Japanese) and set off towards goal before teeing up Sir Rickie who took on a defender and was body-checked to the ground by a defender who was nowhere near the ball.  It’s untidy but it’s a penalty, only it isn’t.

Despite being 2-0 up, it wasn’t all good news as Lallana hobbled off on the half hour to be replaced by Punch who slotted in on his natural left side.  I like this round pegs in round holes business – much better than moving every bugger around.  The last fifteen minutes of the half saw a Punch effort that was reasonably easily saved by the Scrabble keeper but the main feature was how comfortable it was all looking.  Half time, 2-0 up and lovely.

Chung really should have got the goal he deserved when he got on the end of a Sir Rickie knock down from a Chappers cross but he seemed to go for power instead of accuracy and smashed it over the bar.  In truth it was a pretty bad miss and he knew it, judging by the way he writhed around on the floor with his head in his hands.

Morgan and Chung both fired wide as we tried to put the game to bed and Watford created what should have been a moment of danger when Deeney managed a decent header across goal at the back stick but Rodney Trotta and Eustace ran into eachother rather than one of them head it into the net.

The bed was made and the game was put in it with 20 minutes to go and the Man from Japan was heavily involved in what turned out to be the third goal.  Punch started things out on the left with a raking ball across to Sir Rickie who again cushioned the header down to Chung who got a decent strike on goal which Scrabble Slave boy saved well.  Chung went to head the rebound and was barged off by ex-Skate Dickinson.  It’s less of a foul than the one on Sir Rickie but the ref gave a penalty this time.  I mean... we’ll have it of course so we're not complaining, unlike the Watford players.  We care not though as Sir Rickie nearly takes the net off, smashing it into the top left corner.

Deano came on for Chappers and Connolly came on for Sir Rickie as the game ticked down and all that’s left is a moment of excitement for the 5 or so mug punters who’ve put money on Jack Cork to score at 2500-1.  Connolly works an opening and sets him up, Kuszczak did his ‘rush from the line aimlessly’ thing and Corky’s lob went over the keeper and …… 5 betting slips were torn up.  Next week perhaps lads.

Not too shabby a day then.  Back to the top of the league and an away game we kind of had to win, being won and comfortably so.  It’s the manner of this win which is so pleasing as it was a dominant display, a clean sheet and nice and easy.  Nigel focussed on the fact we did the ugly things well and that enabled us to go and play.  Sean Dyche focussed on how badly his team had played and that you can’t play like that against the top sides.  Perhaps the top sides make you look ordinary mate.

As for Sir Rickie – what can you say... are you watching Stuart Pearce?  The man himself was generous in praise of his team mates, especially Chung and assured us that the kick on the ankle he took was fine.  It’s also good to note that Adam Lallana took to Twitter to confirm that his injury wasn’t too bad either.  As long as that’s all true – a perfect day… well nearly.  At one stage, we were top and the Skates were bottom but Doncaster let in a late goal to leap frog the Skates in the wrong direction.  It’s but a minor inconvenience and hopefully the good ship Pompey will make it to the bottom next week and provide proof that shit does in fact, sink.

Next up we have Leeds at Elland Road which is always difficult but especially as they have a new manager in the shape of the much loved Neil Warnock.  I haven’t got much time for him but in the build up to their game with the Skates today, he did point out that the last time Pompey were in administration, they signed two players on 20 grand a week.  Not strictly accurate but funny all the same.

COYR!!!