NPC Match 32 - Southampton 4 Derby County 0

日本では、これは我々がそれを行う方法です。

Derby County were our visitors to SMS today – a team who started the season well but are looking primed and ready to make a late bid for relegation as they haven’t won in 5 and have hardly scored a goal.  They are of course managed by ‘Young Nigel’ Clough who I think it’s fair to say, didn’t get his father’s charisma or on evidence seen so far, his managerial ability.  In his favour is the fact that he’s not Darren Ferguson.

Derby were of course the team that beat us in the playoff final in 2007 which in turn sparked our descent into administration and life in League 1.  The planets must be aligned or something as Derby are on the South Coast and the Skates have just gone into administration.  Scandalously they have only got a ten point deduction, despite it being their second time in two years and not having paid off any of the previously agreed 20p in the £1 CVA.  The court did one sensible thing and barred that Greek bloke from being the administrator.  This can only be a good thing for them.  I feel that they should have got about a 25 point deduction as repeat offenders and for repeatedly signing overpaid players since the last administration but it’s done now.  I hope they get relegated but I’m glad that it looks like they’re not going to go out of business.  It means that we get to play them in April and hopefully we will bury them.

In other SFC news, Billy Sharp got some vile abuse on Twitter regarding his son who died at two days old.  It’s a good thing that this abuse got to the national media and hopefully the complete asshole who posted it will get the justice he deserves for being the lowest of the low.  In more positive news, Danny Butterfield got a year extension on his contract which to me anyway, was a bit surprising given that he’s 32 and only played 2 games this year.  

Butters would surely have been playing today but he’s injured as well as Frazer.  I was hoping that Jack Stephens would be called up from the Under 18s but Nigel decided to again go with the totally left footed Dan Harding at right back.  Chappers made a welcome return to the right wing as Guly had one of those illnesses that is always worse when it’s cold and raining.  There was again no keeper on the bench and with Frazer missing, no first choice substitute.  I wonder who the victim would be if needed.  My money was on Deano.  Not that we needed additional motivation but West Ham weren’t playing to day so win and we were back on top of the league, at least until West Ham hoofed their way back above us.  Talking of West Ham, they’ve decided not to appeal the Skate sending off last week – perhaps he did hit in the face after all.

Saints start the game like they mean business and it’s good to have some Bald Psycho charging about the pitch once more.  Harding’s low free kick is fumbled away by Fielding and the tone is set.  We win a corner after 15 minutes and from a Fox delivery, Big Jos throws himself at the ball about 6 yards out and bundles it in with his thigh I think.  No matter though and it’s 1-0 and time to pose the question to Young Nigel – what have you got?  

The answer appears to be ‘not a lot’ as from the next Fox corner it’s nearly 2-0 as a defender meets it this time and slices it wide of his own goal.  Derby aren't being allowed to settle at all with Morgan imperiously ruling the midfield, breaking up play and spraying the ball around.  Chappers still seems a bit rusty but his presence has terrifying effect on the left back who is a little tiny chap with only slightly more hair who hoofs it away before Chappers gets anywhere near him.

We do have the left footed right back factor though and Harding is looking completely awkward in the role.  It’s his pass though that Lallana’s first touch takes past a defender before he curls a left footed effort just wide.  Adam is at it again a minute later but drives a loose ball wide of the post as Young Nigel looks on in boring fashion.  That chance was created by the battling Sharp who wins and loses the ball 3 times while chasing his first touch.

Harding skids over another cack-footed cross from the right which every one misses until it reaches Sir Rickie who obviously wasn’t expect everyone to miss it and sidefooted it over the bar.   Derby then remind us that they’re here as Ward fires in a shot following a corner and Superkelv gets down well to hold onto it.

Talking of goalkeepers – Frank Fielding was a pain in the arse when we played at Derby earlier in the season and he has a go at doing the same today as he gets down well to stop a Cork daisy cutter which would have made a lot of money for Ladbrokes if it had gone in.  He’s at it again a few minutes later though as Sir Rickie’s free kick is on its way in until the bugger takes off and tips it over the bar.

Derby have a little spell of possession and I can’t make up my mind if we’re backing off or they’re imposing themselves on us.  The bottom line is that they produce sod all and some of the final balls are hilarious as they go straight off for a goal kick and you can’t even tell which forward they’re aiming at.  One (in fact two) worrying thing is that both Big Jos and Billy Sharp are limping slightly but we reach half time with a 1-0 lead and don’t look in too much trouble to be honest.

As the players leave the pitch, the fitness coach comes out and Jos does a few stretch before disappearing down the tunnel with the coach giving the universally known signal for ‘he’s fucked’.  We are about to begin the second half and we have two subs ready to come on.  One predictably is Aaron Martin and the other is Tadanari Lee, preferred to Connolly I suspect because of the space that is appearing behind the Derby defenders.

With Sharp and Big Jos having gone off, Derby tried to take advantage of any uncertainty there might have been and for about five minutes it looked like there may be a decent side in there somewhere despite there being no threat up front at all.  Saints create the first decent chance of the second half with Sir Rickie bulldozing his way down the left and flipping it back to Lallana who ignored the better placed Lee’s shout of whatever ‘get out the fucking way’ is in Japanese and hooked it goalwards to where Fielding tipped it over the bar.

This save gives us another corner on our right which Dead Ball Fox swings in.  This time it’s Aaron Martin who goes up for the header and reacts quickest to the loose ball and hooks it high into the net for 2-0 and you would think – game over.  Saints up the ante at this point and the passes are beginning to flow.  Young Nigel must have been looking on in a boring kind of way as his team got nowhere near us.  Lallana wins the ball in our half, plays a 1-2 with Lee before setting Cork away.  Corky underhits the pass out to Fox who manages to ride the lunging tackle before crossing to where Adam steers it in on the volley as Fielding kind of watched.  Brilliant goal.

Punch comes on for the tiring Chappers who has proved that he’s the man who seems to make us tick.  Also coming on is Derby forward Steve Davies who has been out of the game since an accidental collision with Jose Fonte at Derby, left him with a fractured skull.

Meanwhile, over in Japan.

コルクは、防衛から抜け出す作られ、右の背中にかかった忠成リーにそれを果たし卿リッキーとして遠く離れて先頭に立たれたチップの野心的な"足の外側"でリーを見つけることを試みた、庭を作り、その後打ちつけネットの反対側の右上にフィールディングを越えショットのロケット。 （Goooooooooooooooooooooal!！）誰も彼が行って、彼のトレードマークアーチャーのお祝いを引っ張ってオフとして彼をキャッチしようとされていません。それは、これらの偉大な瞬間の一つだったあなたが話しのタイヤ決している。それは幻想的なストライキだ。

Punch had slotted seamlessly into the side and created a chance for Corky which was blocked before it missed the target or was saved.  We indulged in a bit of piss take passing and Sir Rickie played the last 5 minutes like a bloke who was going out on the piss tonight – which he was, seeing as how he’d just turned 30.  There was just time for Harding to forget he was on the right hand side and hilariously mark the winger on completely the wrong side but no damage done.

Full time and EIEIEIO up the football league we go.  Only one place but it’s as high as we could go today so we’ll take it.  Our early season home form swagger is well and truly back despite the makeshift right back and the injury disruptions we had today – brilliant.  It wasn’t all brilliant as Derby had their moments but if you can play a whole Championship match and restrict the opposition to one little spell of possession with which they produced fuck all then you’ve done pretty well.  On the way out of the ground it was announced that the Skates had lost and therefore move effortlessly into the bottom 3 as we moved back to the top.  If Carlsberg made Saturdays...

Our Nigel was one happy fella afterwards, talking up Tadanari Lee’s goal in particular, together as one and all the cliches.  Young Nigel Cough was boring in his appraisal of his team getting ripped apart.  For me, we were excellent today with the pick of the bunch being Morgan Schneiderlin who was everywhere, both defensively and prompting the attacks.  The rest of midfielders all put in a shift with Lallana virtually unplayable at times and back to his very best.  Chappers still looked a bit rusty but the team is better when he’s in it and Corky had one of his best games for us even if he has taken over from Morgan as the player who should get booked for time wasting when he has a shot.  Danny Fox managed a hat-trick of assists but the individual highlight of the day was in the goal he wasn’t involved in which was of course the finish from Tadanari Lee.  Derby for their part, join Watford as the worst team I’ve seen at St.Mary’s this season.  Wouldn’t have scored if they’d played all night.

West Ham and a few others play in midweek but we are next in action on Saturday with a trip to the aforementioned Watford.  Time to take our home form on the road I feel.  Hopefully we’ll have a right back fit (nothing against Dan who was ok today)  and same side please unless Billy or Jos don’t make it.

The newspapers focussed most of their report on this game focussing on Lee’s goal and one said that we played the song about wanking, ‘Turning Japanese’ over the tannoy at the end of the game.  Never heard it myself so maybe, just maybe it was inaccurate, lazy, wrong journalism or maybe my need for a pee meant I was out of the ground before it came on.

By the way… the original English version of the 4^th goal was this:

Cork made a break out of defence and tried to find Lee with an ambitious ‘outside of the foot’ chip which was headed away as far as Sir Rickie who played it to Tadanari Lee who took on the right back, made a yard and then lashed a rocket of a shot across Fielding into the opposite top corner of the net. (Goooooooooooooooooooooal!!!!).  No one was going to catch him as off he went and pulled his trademark Archer celebration.  It was one of those great moments that you will never tire of talking about.  It’s a fantastic strike.

No mention of Ricky Lord or creating a garden which is what you get through Google Translate.

COYR!!!