NPC Match 29 - Birmingham 0 Southampton 0

It was a bad day to be a Fox

A sense of optimism had crept over (most of) the fanbase of the Mighty Saints with the second half showing against Cardiff and the signing of Billy Sharp.  All positive thoughts are going to be needed today for a game at Birmingham who are steaming up the league like the proverbial train. In addition to the 11 men in blue that we have in front of us – we also have the Sky cameras which up until now almost invariably means that we play in a shite manner.  Knowing Nigel’s attention to detail we’ve probably been training this week with the Youth team dressed up as cameramen on the side of the pitch at Staplewood.

Sky also means that the game kicks off at 5.20 so everyone else has played... well nearly everyone.  West Ham have managed to beat Millwall despite playing nearly the whole match with 10 men.  Their winner featured a rugby tackle on the Millwall keeper which was straight out of the “Big Sam football at its best” coaching manual.  Fatso said afterwards that it was his best ever win as a manager, not that he likes blowing his own trumpet or anything.  Pompey were having their ‘Pack the Park’ match against Hull, only they weren’t as it was a bit cold so they called it off which is really piss poor when you consider what’s at stake there.  I hope they re-arrange it before the court date for the sake of all the fans who have forked out.

I wasn’t expecting too many changes to the SFC starting XI aside from Billy Sharp starting instead of David Connolly and that’s what we got except Connolly kept his place and the new man was on the bench alongside the returning Guly do Prado.  Nigel had obviously looked at the blizzard-like conditions and decided that a Brazilian would be ideally suited for this particular challenge.  

We of course, duffed Birmingham 4-1 at the start of the season when we were surprising everyone and they were patching a team together following relegation from the Premiership last year.  Liam Ridgewell won’t be playing for them as he’s been pushed out to West Brom who are in the Premier League – it really is beyond belief who a player that bad can be in a Premier League squad.   They also had the situation facing that other lot in blue in that their owner had been arrested for alleged money laundering and had his assets frozen.  Since we stuffed them though, they’ve had a creditable performance in the Europa League before rising up the league on the back of some very good recent results.  They still have that accent though...

Working Man’s Club, TV on, Beer in hand, let’s go… oh look, the pitch is white and it’s snowing like a bastard.  The referee, Phil Dowd, is on loan from the Premiership which invariably gives you some ‘interpretation’ issues....

The game starts and you can’t see the ball on the TV.  It’s not orange like the traditional ‘snow ball’, it’s yellow which just looks like white from a distance.  The players are playing upright – by that I mean that it’s like watch a game on an artificial pitch – no one is tackling and everyone is waddling around trying not to fall over.  When I say no one is tackling of course, I mean no one except Morgan who demonstrates that he can give free kicks away in the snow as well on a normal pitch with a clumsy effort on the edge of our box.  Murphy slams the free kick into Sir Rickie in the wall (bet that stung) and then hoofs the rebound out of the ground.  Birmingham create another chance soon after as Spector crosses and the giant N’Daw rises above both Fonte and Martin and glances his header just wide.

Saints seem to get a handle on the conditions at this point and are passing the ball now.  Lallana and Punch are showing up very well and combine from a short corner routine which ends in Adam firing in a cross which deflects off a Birmingham player and flies into the side netting.

The next incident involved Fox executing a perfect hard but fair tackle on Burke who squealed like a pig.   Over strides Mr Premiership Fussy Bollocks and books him for winning the ball.  I can imagine the report when it’s sent in to the FA.  “Mr Fox slid in and won the ball – however, Mr Burke performed a triple somersault with pike and made a noise a like a pig being skewered so I therefore decided that I had to book Mr Fox forthwith.  Mr Fox needs to master the art of detaching his right leg so it’s nowhere near the player when he tackles with his left foot”.

Nothing much happens in the rest of the first half – we probably have about 70% possession but do nothing in the final third at all and I mean nothing, not one shot on or off target.  We’ve played the better football by a mile but Birmingham have had the better chances.

Birmingham start the second half well and nearly score straight away as Marlon King gets the ball from the full back and despite all the women in the club shouting ‘No’, Marlon shoots anyway and Superkelv flies across to superbly tip it past the post.  As the club reverberates to a chorus of “She said no”, the corner is cleared.

It’s time for Billy Connolly or more accurately, Billy on for Connolly.  Before the new boy has had chance to touch the ball, we clear a Birmingham attack and Fox wins a challenge with Mutch inside our box.  Again the Birmingham player goes over in loud fashion, only this time Dowd gives us the free kick.  Every Birmingham report I’ve read on the game thinks it was a penalty when you can see clear as day that Mutch swings his leg to shoot, Fox goes in and wins the ball, knocking it away and Mutch continues his kick and boots Danny’s foot.  How the fuck can anyone think this is a penalty and in my opinion the referee has got this one spot on.

Billy Sharp’s first involvement with Saints is to fasten onto a Sir Rickie knock down and he should have hit it with his left but tried to cut onto his right and was closed down meaning the chance was lost.  I reckon that one way or another, given a proper pitch instead of an ice rink, this would have been in the net.

On come the cavalry with Deano coming on for Corky and Punch, after another good game, being replaced with the man from Brazil, wearing gloves, a hat, tights, ski suit and a balaclava.  It’s like Cool Runnings without the bobsleigh.  The substitutions looked like an attempt to win the match to me but it all went to shit a minute later as Burke took on Fox for pace, knocked it too far and Fox ill-advisedly gave him a little push.  Burke went to ground and slid in the snow on his bum.   Whilst the stewards were despatched to look for the sniper, a free kick fair enough but a yellow card – you are having one there ref.  Absolutely stupid decision.  Foxy realises there’s no point in arguing and walks off.

What the fuck is the game coming to now?  What do you know – we get a Premier League ref and we get one of the most ridiculous red cards I’ve ever seen.  The first yellow wasn’t even a foul and the second one was a slight push when the winger had already overrun the ball.  Yes, it was a foul but never worth a yellow card.   With a regular championship referee, even with the idiot we had last week, Fox would still be on the pitch and we wouldn’t be about to play the last 10 minutes with Deano at right back and Frazer on the left.

Having witnessed that – the next action is Guly bearing down on goal and Caldwell cynically takes him out.  There is no question and it is 100% deliberate.  Yellow card only issued due to their being a covering defender.  The point is that he gets a yellow card for an offence which was totally pre-meditated and more of a foul than either of the Fox challenges.  Still, we have a free kick from 25 yards out so we can mete out our own justice.  Up steps Sir Rickie and bang… no, hang on, it’s a wanky little chip to the back stick which gets headed away…. Aaaaargh!!!

We play out the remaining few minutes without alarm and without shooting, the final whistle goes and we’ve got a point which I’m well chuffed with.   I can’t help but wonder though if we’d score more goals and maybe win more matches if someone actually had a fucking shot occasionally.  I mean, I love Sir Rickie and all that and I’m sure all Saints fans do but what the fuck was that?  A free kick, well in range, snow and slippery shit all over the pitch, we haven’t had a shot all game, last minute – fucking hit it!!!

In truth, no one deserved to win the game, despite what I’ve read on Birmingham slanted reports since the game finished.  Nigel had it spot on when he said that we played some great stuff without any end product.  There was only one team trying to play football out there but if you don’t shoot, you don’t win.  The main performers for us were Superkelv, Fonte and Aaron Martin who all ensured that Brum had very few chances.  Punch was the pick of the midfielders again and Lallana was superb in the first half – second half though, I only saw him at the end when he was shaking hands with someone.  Billy Sharp had a quiet debut and ended up in midfield after Foxy got sent off.  We’ll have to wait for Burnley at home on Saturday before we get the chance to see him and Sir Rickie start a game together.

To the neutral observer, todays game would have been a complete bag of shite which is kind of poetic justice as there is no way that game should have been played nor would have been played if it wasn’t on Sky.  The ball wasn’t rolling properly in the snow and if the ball had been slowing up on a wet pitch then it would have been called off due to the pitch being waterlogged.  Also, you could see that players were adjusting the way they played to avoid getting injured etc.  So it shouldn’t have been played in my opinion though I’m ultimately glad it was.   It’s ironic that if it had kicked off at 3pm instead of the latest stupid kick off time of 5.20pm, then all would have been fine as they snow didn’t really come on until 5pm.

Having gone a man down I was pleased to get a point but what is it with refs at the moment.  We’ve had a few recently with D’Arsehole at Brighton, that twat last week against Cardiff and Dowd today.  Can we have that guy who gave us that penalty against Brighton when Fonte was a yard outside the box – I liked him!!!.  To be fair, Phil Dowd got most things right today but the two he got wrong both involved Danny Fox.  I don’t care what anyone says – the first yellow card is not even a foul.  He’s gone in hard, won the ball and the opponent made a loud noise.  I read one report where it was stated that Burke complained to the ref that Fox was deliberately trying to injure him.  If that report is true then Burke needs to have a word with himself the pathetic little shit.

Next up is the FA Cup replay against Millwall where I expect to see several chances with the likes of Bart, Harding, Jaidi, Chappers, Deano, de Ridder, Tadanari Lee and Barnard coming into the side.  The reward is a home tie against Bolton in Round 5, it’s worth having so let’s get out there and fucking do it.