League 1 Match 36 - Charlton 1 Southampton 1

Well you can tell by the way I use my walk...

No sooner had Peterborough lost to the Fake Dons, then Saints were on the road again playing Charlton away. A win would take us into 2nd place, still with games in hand but a draw wouldn’t be a disaster either. Charlton were doing ok at the start of the season under Phil Parkinson and were in just below the playoff places when they sacked him. Chris Powell, who played for England a few times (no I can’t believe it either) came in and had a decent initial impact before presiding over 7 defeats out of 8. In their ranks, Charlton have ex-Saints Christian Dailly who I liked and Bradley Wright-Phillips who is top of the list entitled “Saints players I’ve actually hated” – a bit of ability sure but no brain, no heart and that feeling of knowing he’d miss when he was clean through against the keeper. Like I say, he’s top of the list ahead of such luminaries as Jermain Wright, Lee Todd, David Speedie and Kerry Dixon.

Nigel had gone continuity crazy and we had the same starting XI and the same subs as we had against Sheffield Wednesday.

The first half, as is the case with most of Saints matches, was pretty lame with Charlton not showing much at all and Saints only threatening through set plays. The closest we got was in the 20th minute when from a Harding free kick, Sir Rickie headed down for Fonte to stab goalwards where it was comfortably cleared off the line. Sir Rickie had a free kick on the half hour and went for placement instead of lashing it and Elliot in the Charlton goal clawed it away.

On 35 minutes there was a worrying development as Lallana pulled up and it was immediately obvious that he couldn’t carry on and was replaced with Dany N’Guessan. As soon as he went off, Merrington and his fellow goon on Solent went into Jason Puncheon overdrive. Should we recall him?, can we recall him?, what will his attitude be like?, do we want to recall him?, answers on a fucking postcard. Bottom line is that however well Puncheon has played for other clubs, whenever he’s played for us this season he’s been complete shit and whatever the reason for that is, it’s reason enough to forget about him for now. Half time, 0-0, dull.

The first notable action of the second half involved Bollocks Wright-Phillips. When caught offside, a sensation he must be used to by now, he decided to kick the ball away and got booked. Nice one, timewasting with 43 minutes to go. The game opened out a bit without either team looking like scoring but the hour mark brought more injury disaster as Chamberlain went over and turned his ankle in the process. Like the Lallana injury, it was immediately obvious that he wasn’t going to be able to run it off either and so on came the Gulyman as Chambo was helped away.

With Lallana and Chamberlain off the pitch, the responsibility for set pieces turned to the Brazilian maestro and from his first corner, he delivered a good ball into the mixer to where Radhi Jaidi lost his marker with a deftness of movement which was almost balletic and smashed it in the net on the half volley. The celebrations are always great when the goal comes from an unexpected source and Radhi’s Travolta pose before disappearing under a pile of bodies was pretty special as they go.

Saints briefly threatened to take charge and go relatively close-ish to a second as after a long run, N’Guessan fired over a cross to the back post which Barnard hooked back, only for the keeper to palm it away from the onrushing Chaplow. We then got the shits and had a bit of a lucky break when a shot by Llera from the edge of the box, hit the bar and crashed down on the line and away. The Charlton players appealed for the goal but it was never over the line which didn’t stop 3000 Saints fans in the ground from shitting themselves.

Having got away with that one, our Nigel replaced Barnard with Johnno Pace in a move that on the face of it, didn’t help either the attacking or defending aspect of the team but for a second, Saints begin to look to be relatively comfortably heading for a 1-0 win. Pace is not an attribute that Christian Dailly has in abundance and he almost headed past his own keeper in panic when trying to stop Johnno reaching the ball first.

So, we’re looking good and heading for 2nd place and then Charlton bloody equalize and didn’t you just know who was going to score it. In many ways it’s typical BWP as a move builds up on the edge of our box and someone shapes to chip it over the centre backs. As he goes to play the ball, the defence moves up and BWP is being his usual dozy bastard self and just standing there like an offside waiting to happen. Unfortunately, Butterfield hasn’t pushed up and so he’s onside but fair play, he finished it well.

In the five minutes of normal time that remain, Saints have the stick or twist conundrum to contend with but we go for it and Sir Rickie puts a wonderful reverse ball in between the left back and centre back which Dany N’Guessan fastens onto and slots past the keeper into the far side of the net. Offside, bollocks was it, not even close but the flag is up and it doesn’t count. So we had the Bournemouth one a few weeks back where it was flagged offside but given against us and now we have a perfectly good goal chalked off.

Final whistle and 1-1 and how do we all feel about that one. The bottom line is that this is a difficult fixture and we got a point but we could and should have had all 3. By all accounts Charlton played much better than they have in recent weeks and a draw was a fair result. You can stick ‘fair’ where the sun don’t shine though – we scored a perfectly good goal in the 90th minute and it was disallowed due to a trigger happy linesman, a fact since acknowledged by the managers of both teams.

It’s a bummer that we were 5 minutes from time when Charlton equalized and it’s even more a bummer that that little fucker scored. For three years I paid to watch that twat be fucking useless week in and week out. We didn’t kill the game off in the last 10 minutes like we should have done and I think that in an ideal world, Nigel would have brought on Schneiderlin or even Gobern to flood the midfield. As it was, it was the straight swap of Forte for Barnard. Maybe a bit of imagination was called for to bring Seaborne on and tell him to play in front of the centre backs or maybe it would have been better having Dickson on the bench to come on in midfield.

It would have been too easy for Saints to win this game at get into 2nd place – as you know, we don’t do things the easy way. Next up is the Fake Dons at SMS on Saturday week which will be a severe test given the form of the Fakes. The Plymouth postponement is looking farcical at the moment as all 3 of their ‘internationals’ are injured and unlikely to play for their countries on Saturday. It may backfire on Argyle as the chances are that neither Lallana or Chamberlain would be fit for this Saturday but I’m sure that they will be, come the start of May.

Next week we have the end of the emergency loan period but until then, expect us to be linked with wingers, midfielders and even Jason Puncheon.

League 1 Match 35 - Southampton 2 Sheffield Wednesday 0

"I believe in Entertaining Football"

5.20 is a bloody stupid time to kick off as you lose track of where you’re supposed to be and at what time. It was about 4pm and I was in Royal Victoria Country Park trying to get the kids to cycle in the general direction of the car and getting very agitated with the dog who was having none of my ‘come here and you’ll get a biscuit’ logic. Little bastard.

In a week that had seen another win for Huddersfield and another win for Peterborough, we had been in the papers due to Nigel making an enquiry to Reading about trying to sign former Saints trainee Brian Howard. As we all know, Saints don’t talk about transfer business until the deal is done but that doesn’t stop the gobshites at other clubs like Brian McDermott who prefer to be in the papers. Nigel’s admission that he was looking to the loan market in the light of Oscar the Ninja’s tackle last week meant it was a veritable feast for the Echo who actually had something to dig into. Other news is that our game on Saturday v Plymouth has been called off as Plymouth have 3 international call ups – Scilly Isles B, Hayling Island U-21s and Isle of Wight U-14s. This is a bit of a joke really but rules are rules I guess. It’s a right pain though as it loads another game into April but at least Alex Chamberlain will be available for us.

Due to the aforementioned crap kick off time, we had the benefit of knowing the other scores with Huddersfield only drawing and Bournemouth continuing their implosion with their 3rd defeat on the bounce. Brighton were playing as well but to be honest, they don’t even register on the radar any more. They won and we aren’t going to catch them.

To Sheffield Wednesday and a reminder that at the start of the season, I predicted them to be one of our main challengers at the top of the league. Got that a bit wrong didn’t I. Their manager, Alan Irvine was sacked and the best they could come up with as a replacement was Gary Megson. One day in the future when I write a best-seller called “Football People I Don’t Like”, Gary Megson will get a mention. He was a horrible player, did nothing except hold your shirt and niggle, the kind you have to hate and he played for fucking Norwich amongst others. As a manager, I think it’s safe to assume that his team talks will never include the word ‘entertainment’, nor the phrase ‘passing on the floor’. He’s the manager your club gets in when it’s already completely fucked as he gives disgruntled fans a new hate figure and they stop going on about the Chairman / Board etc. I bet the Owls fans were delighted when he got put in charge, only consoling themselves with the fact that it could have been Iain Dowie. Megson’s loan signing for this week is Gary Jones who is a 6 foot 5 ish monster of a centre half – wasn’t going to be a creative midfielder was it… When I was on the way to the game, I was approaching the stadium with a chant of “You’ve only come to see the Wednesday” ringing in my ears. You’ve gotta love that haven’t you.

Saints have kept it simple with the same starting XI as against Bournemouth. The bench sees the return of The Gulyman and the Bartman and it also sees the pointless inclusion of both Seaborne and Martin when one or the other would be fine. What’s happened to Ryan Dickson – surely a better option.

We start well with Sir Rickie turning the centre back only to be dragged back for a yellow card. Following his free kick against Bournemouth last week we were hopeful and though he hit the target, the 14 year old keeper gathered well. Ten minutes of nothing much and Saints created the next chance when Butters overhit a ball down the line to Chaplow who was alert enough the collect the rebound off the corner flag and feed Lallana, whose shot was saved.

Oohs and Ahhs on 25 minutes as a corner was headed up in the air, expertly chested down and flicked against the post by Radhi Jaidi who had already been flagged for offside. Wednesday were trying to funnel all our attacks down the middle where all of their 11 players were. We needed to get wide but for some reason, we went narrow in midfield with Adam in the hole and Chappers and Alex narrow in midfield. As a result of this we handed initiative to Wednesday for who Teale and Osbourne were playing with purpose and the former in particular was looking good until it came to passing the ball to a team mate. Half time arrived at the end of another poor fifteen minutes or so and not much threat from either side.

At half time I listened in to the Chuckle Brothers giving it some serious inane drivel. Today I will focus on the one who made duck noises through his programme. Like I’ve said, he thinks he’s funny – much like the embarrassing old uncle who you see at weddings and you have to go and talk to him cos your mum makes you, even though it is generally accepted by all that he is a complete wanker. Duck Noise Bloke’s specialist ‘humour’ is spoonerisms. You know, when you swap the start of one word with the start of the next ... Chish and Fips, Bate Skastards etc. It’s only funny when you do it by accident – just yelling out ‘Licky Rambert’ in the middle of a game during a quiet bit is not funny. Likewise, saying ‘Pit the Loast’ when Jaidi hit the post, is not funny either. Wucking Fanker.

Second half and we always play better in the second half don’t we? I thought we’d taken the lead on 50 minutes when an attack was half cleared and Hammond hit a superb shot arrowing towards the bottom corner but the keeper got down well to palm it wide. The goal was coming though and it was a very direct goal in the end as Chamberlain’s left wing corner was powerfully met by Jose Fonte who got above Jones and bulleted it past the keeper.

Megson responds to going 1-0 down by taking off their best player. As Osbourne departs, I assume he must be injured. Before too long it’s 2-0 and game over as Barnard bursts past a couple on the right before seeing his shot deflected up and falling to Sir Rickie who adjusts his feet well and smashes it in the net, giving the keeper no chance. It’s a fabulous bit of technique and makes me ponder how good Sir Rickie could be if he got himself really fit and firing.

A riot is threatening to be run now and Chappers cuts in from the right and floats in a cross over the where Lallana meets it first time and drills it against the near post.
Sheffield Wednesday make another sub and the Northam Stand 11 year olds shout ‘Who?’ when Darren Potter’s name is read out. They probably don’t realise that he used to play for us and they also probably don’t realise that he’s really not going to make a difference.

Chambo is about to be substituted so he runs at the full back and cuts in again before curling a left footed shot which is going in the top corner until the keeper sticks out his right arm and expertly claws it away. Off goes Alex to be replaced on the wing by The Gulyman.

Guly is showing all of his Samba skill and making an impression as the game dies down. Then he works himself free on the right and from the bye-line, swings his right foot at the ball to deliver a cross, only to nudge it with his left foot first. The resulting airshot results in him falling in a heap on the ground, in a display of Gobernesque uncoordination. As he got to his feet, he acknowledged the crowd with wave and a smile so fair play, a sense of humour. The next time the ball was played to him, he superbly flicked it round the full back and was hauled down to earn the full back a yellow card from the moron with the whistle.

Johnno Pace comes on for Barney with a few minutes left but has no time to make an impression and Lallana, our most skilful player, is replace like-for-like with Danny Seaborne ?!!?!?! A word too for the ref and the word is ‘twat’. The best refs are the ones you don’t notice but we all noticed this guy. Lambert and Barnard get hammered all game and were given nothing and Wednesday get given a free kick every time Jose or Radhi even jump. I know it’s the oldest whinge in the book to say the ref was biased but sometimes.... Still, he got the final whistle right and another 3 points in the bag.

As we filed out down the stairs I got a little accidental shove off of Duck Noise Bloke as he filed onto the gangway. It was a glorious opportunity to lean on him and give him a little nudge down the stairs. I’m not going to tell you if I did it or not.

It’s another game and another win in which we played as well as we had to in order to get the points. Some may criticize the performance but I bet the Huddersfield fans wish they’d played averagely and ground out a win today. It was relatively easy in the end as Wednesday had very little to offer. Defensively they were ok and Osbourne looked a monster in midfield until he went off. Creatively though, they were non-existent with some energy from Teale and Madine but the end product was just not there. They had no idea once we went in front and seemed to want to hold onto a 0-2 scoreline for the last 20 minutes. It’s a worry for them as they are a massive club with a massive ground and a big history. As we know very well though, you get morons running the club though and see where it gets you.... still, we’d only come to watch the Wednesday and the Wednesday weren’t very good.

Nigel diverted from buses and went horse racing for today’s analogy, likening us to Red Rum, being miles behind but winning the race. We’re racing for second place though Nigel unless Brighton are Devon Lock and fall over right on the line.

On Tuesday we have Charlton and Bradley Wright-Phillips away. After a resurgence when Chris Powell was appointed, they’ve been losing every week so it’s another game where we have to go there believing we can win and win we must. As I write, Peterborough are playing the Fake Dons – come on you Fakes!.

League 1 Match 34 - Bournemouth 1 Southampton 3

"...zat Oscar Gobern, I teach him well, non ?.."

A half hour trip through the New Forest to sunny Bournemouth in what is a massive game for both sides – a win for them and they put a 6 point gap between us, a win for us and we overtake them and will still have 2 games in hand. It’s huge in terms of significance to the league table and then you add in the very secondary fact that we’re only 30 miles apart geographically. As I’ve said before, it is local but it’s not a huge rivalry - not much different to a potential Saints v Eastleigh match.

A lot has been written and I can understand them getting annoyed at our perceived arrogance – an image not helped by the “we’re everyones Cup Final” bullshit which comes out from our camp. Yes it’s a fact that we have a bigger ground, better infrastructure and a larger fanbase but last time I checked, you don’t get given league points for these things. I well remember sitting in SMS watching Man Utd roll us over and their fans chanting “you’ve only come to see United” over and over again like the complete arrogant bastards that they are. I find it quite distasteful that we can come across as a bit like that now. We’ve fallen down the leagues on footballing merit (or the opposite) and we are where we deserve to be.... and so are Bournemouth and so are Yeovil, Dagenham, Walsall etc. The only club not where they deserve to be are Portsmouth who deserve to be in the Zamaretto league but that’s another story.

On the other side of the coin, I’ve always had a bit of a problem with Bournemouth since the time I went to Bournemouth to watch a Saints friendly game which was set up to provide funding for a financial crisis they were in, in the mid-90s. Considering they needed the cash, I saw the irony in getting pelted with coins by their muppet fans while stewards looked on and laughed. In incidents like that and with the bile you get on internet forums, you have to remember that it is a moronic minority. Sorry to disappoint you all but most Bournemouth fans don’t hate us, most Saints fans don’t hate them.

To the game and once all the hype has died away, we have to remember that we’ve played Bournemouth twice this season and won 2-0 with a degree of comfort both times, albeit with a couple of penalty decisions in one that weren’t what you’d call ‘nailed on’. Bournemouth weren’t great in either game and I found them to be quite a dirty team. It’s been to their credit (and my surprise) that they’ve been above us all season having lost their highly rated (but incredibly moany) manager, Eddie Howe, as well as their centre forward (Pitman) and the forward who replaced him (McQuoid). Their manager now is Lee Bradbury who may or may not be a Saints fan, despite having played for Pompey for much of his career. Their Chairman of course, is Eddie Mitchell who is a gobshite and a wind-up merchant. He greatly enhanced my personal build-up to the game with an interview on Radio Solent which left me reflecting on the fact that being a moron is obviously no impediment to making lots of money.

I thought for a while that I’d take a draw in this game but with the way Peterborough are winning games and the way that Brighton are steaming away with it, neither team can think like that. Saints named a totally unsurprising line-up with Jaidi returning in place of Martin. Bournemouth’s latest centre forward Michael Symes was out injured so they had two forwards with a combined height of 11 feet, Ings and Dalla Valle, a loan player from Fulham who has a silly name. With there being no Premiership games due to the FA Cup, Dean Court was blessed with the presence of Andre Marriner to referee this one, along with a lino who helped Howard Webb tot up all the yellow cards in the World Cup Final.

Bournemouth start the better and have the first sighter when Hollands fires just over. If that was a warning for Saints, they ignored it as on 6 minutes, Bournemouth took the lead, even though it had a slight air of luck and controversy about it. Fonte went to clear the ball and his clearance hit Butterfield on the back and rebounded to Dalla Valle who was clearly in an offside position. Up went the World Cup lino’s flag as Dalla Valle rather expertly swivelled and smashed it in the far top corner of the net – brilliant finish. Over went Marriner for a word before giving the goal. Years ago, the rule was that if the pass came from an opposition player then it isn’t offside. OK fine but then the law was changed. Apparently now it has been changed back so fair enough, good goal but what happens if a player tries a through ball and it nicks off a defender on its way to an offside forward ? Did it brush off his sock or not ? Bottom line is that the offside law is too complicated and no one really understands it.

Back come Saints with a Sir Rickie free kick which is deflected wide and from the following corner, up goes big Radhi and heads just over. On the quarter hour, Pearce – possibly surprised by Sir Rickie’s willingness to close him down - dicks about with the ball in the corner, waiting for it to go out. Sir Rickie nicks it off him, barges past and crosses left footed straight onto the head of Barnard who heads down where Jalal appears to have two hands on it before somehow allowing it to squirm over the line in a clear imitation of what my 6 year old son does when playing in goal in the garden. I though Shwans were graceful ... not this one. In their commentary, Solent give no clue as to whether it’s actually a goal or not and it takes a good three seconds to impart that we’ve actually scored. Terrible commentary it has to be said.

Bearing in mind that Jalal has just dropped a bollock, Sir Rickie tries to test his nerve with one of those booming long range half volleys which unfortunately, dipped too late. Saints are coming more and more into the game and bringing the wingers into play which is a tactic that Bournemouth have obviously decided they don’t like and so comes the first cynical foul of the day as Wiggins hacks down Chamberlain and gets booked. The prospect of Chambo having a hour running at a full back on a yellow card doesn’t last long as Wiggins soon pulls up lame and it replaced with Cummings.

Next into the book is Jaidi who gets a yellow for extreme clumsiness in the air when, despite being about a foot taller than Dalla Valle, he manages to take him out rather than heading the ball clear. Cooper completes the booking count in the first half by getting annoyed with Barnard and kicking the ball at him , a cunning plan that is always going to work out in your favour.

The rest of the half tails off slightly with Radio Solent : "Commentary from a Southampton Perspective", bigs up Bournemouth at every opportunity and lays into Saints, particularly into Jaidi and Fonte who admittedly, have found things a bit tough against the two circus midgets. Half time is here, 1-1 and as we know, Saints always play better in the second half.

Saints and Lallana in particular, start the second half much better and following a Bournemouth attack, break 4 on 3 with Lallana leading the charge. It’s a great opportunity but for once, Adam chooses the wrong option and shoots left footed from 25 yards, just wide of the ungraceful Shwan’s near post. We’re nearly caught out though when a big punt over the top finds Ings behind Fonte and he went down like a sack of shit under the slightest of touches. He’d overrun the ball and wasn’t going to get a shot in but I’ve seen them given. Maybe the fact that he’s being flinging himself about all game counted against him but he ref didn’t help himself by giving a goal kick. I mean, it’s either a foul or a corner and if it’s a goal kick then he’s dived and should be booked. Personally, I thought it was clean enough and should have been a corner.

A limping Harding is replaced with Seaborne, a square peg who was moved in the round hole at left back. Saints carried on looking more and more dangerous and another piece of skill by Lallana was curtailed by an agricultural challenge by Hollands which made him see yellow. From Butters free kick delivery from the right, the ball missed everyone except Dean Hammond coming in at the back and he stuck out his left boot and steered it across Jalal and into the far corner. The celebrations were top notch with a big bundle of players and Radhi rolling around on top of it. The look on Lee Barnard’s face when he got up was a picture. If he’s got a good lawyer then hopefully it’s the last time he gets up having had a big smiling bloke rolling around on top of him.

Bournemouth threw on 47 year old Steve Fletcher for Ings and Saints replaced Barnard with Oscar Gobern in a clear ‘we hold what we have’ move from Nigel. Saints were still trying to play it on the ground and Chaplow fired over after a good passing move involving Deano, Lallana and Chambo. Bournemouth had gone more aerial with Ole’ father Fletch on the pitch but created a great chance with 6 minutes left when Robinson was fed in behind Chaplow and fired in a cross shot which Superkelv, in his first positive contribution for a number of weeks, tipped onto the bar and away.

Totally failing to learn their lesson from earlier, Pearce - another Bournemouth player without a booking - lined up Chamberlain and hacked him down becoming the 3rd Bournemouth player to be booked for hacking down one of our wingers. This one is about 25 yards out and level with the edge of the penalty area. Up steps Sir Rickie for an attempt at his 25th free kick miss of the season and bang – over the wall and into the top corner as Jalal slides along the goal line on his backside. At the time, I was told it had hit the side netting by the complete Goons on Solent... truly mind-blowingly awful radio commentary, totally ruining the moment. It’s funny, on a day when it appears that local radio may be under threat; they produce two of the worst bits of radio football commentary ever.

I’ve always had the opinion of Oscar Gobern that he is not in control of his limbs which, when mixed with an obvious balance issue means that he’s always falling over. As the game was winding down he surpassed himself by chasing a ball out of defence and when beaten to it by Cooper, launched a kind of king fu drop kick, the type of which not seen since the days of 70s cartoon Hong Kong Phooey or Eric Cantona in his seagulls and trawlers pomp. To be fair, Cooper got up straight away but there was only one possible outcome and off he went. The look on Gobern’s face kind of said that he had no idea what just happened. A couple of minutes later and the final whistle went – a slightly surreal end to a match that produced a superb result.

I think that maybe 3-1 flattered us a bit but the bottom line is that we went to team 3 places above us who were in the automatic promotion spots and we beat them without playing particularly well. I’m waiting for it to click like it did at Oldham but as long as we are winning then it really doesn’t matter. That’s 3 wins in a week to follow on from the Walsall disaster. Needless to say, bloody Peterborough, Huddersfield and of course Brighton, won again so we only went up one place. Peterborough are proving to be the new team to worry about with a 6-0 win over Carlisle – go away.

Nigel played down any local significance or edge in his post match interview, merely pointing out that we got 3 points and the fans went home happy. This is true and you don’t expect managers to be concerned with the fact that the Bournemouth fans would have been giving it the large one on internet forums if they’d won. It won’t stop them bellyaching though about referees and penalties they should have had and all that – which is exactly what they did after the last defeat to us. Get over it.

Nigel also made mentions of the need to go into the loan market for a midfielder following Hong Kong Phooey’s red card. There really is a potential problem there as for the next three games, Hong Kong and Schneiderlin are missing and Hammond and Chaplow are on 1 and 2 bookings respectively away from a ban. Out of the current first team squad you’d be looking at Butterfield or Dickson filling in with maybe Lallana. We also have a bit of an issue up front with Guly and Connolly being injured, the latter permanently and Barnard relying on his brief to keep him the right side of a prison cell.

Next up for us is next Saturday at home to Sheffield Wednesday, a team who were expected to be among the promotion favourites but who in fact, have been a bit shite. We should have too much for them but in the meantime, both Peterborough and Huddersfield have games on Tuesday so it’s time to change allegiances for a day and shout for Brentford and ironically, Sheffield Wednesday.

The wheels on the bus go round and round....

League 1 Match 33 - Southampton 3 Yeovil 0

Remember Me ?

Yeovil at home and let’s not beat about the bush here – we have to win and we should win comfortably. Whilst relatively speaking, Yeovil’s form has picked up recently, they should be there for the taking, especially as they have a few injuries which include Paul Wotton who did a hamstring on Saturday, the kind of injury which plagues all athletes with explosive pace.

Nigel tinkered to the extent of one change with Aaron Martin coming in for the rested Jaidi, who will no doubt be back for the Bournemouth game on Saturday. Talking of which – on the Radio as I was driving to the game, they interviewed a few fans and staff of Bournemouth and all they were talking about was the Saints game at the weekend. Let’s hope they take their eye off the Exeter away game they have tonight. The bench saw the return of Dan Seaborne and Jonathan Forte or Jonno Pace as he appears to be called in every interview Nigel gives about him. Nigel’s latest buzzword is ‘alehouse’ which he used to refer to both the goal we let in at Walsall and the one Yeovil let in last week against Huddersfield. I wonder if he knows the Bill Shankly quote about Saints being an alehouse team. Whilst we’re on the subject of interviews, I wish that our manager and players would stop all this “We are Southampton and we’re everyone’s Cup Final” bollocks. Have a bit of humility chaps as all it does it wind up the opposition and make us look stupid when we lose to Walsall etc.

The first 10 minutes was as scrappy as you could wish to see but it was obvious straight away that Yeovil were not very good. On 12 minutes they won a free kick and it was one of those moments when you see professional footballers do something so ridiculous that it really makes you wonder what on earth they do all week when they are supposed to be training. The free kick was about 25 yards out, to the right of centre. Three players stood over the ball so there I was thinking that they must have worked on some elaborate routine. Player 1 ran over the ball to the left, Player 2 ran over it to the right and Player 3.... tapped it along the ground, straight into the wall of Saints players. Genius.

Saints had a free kick of their own on 15 minutes with a goal and managed to execute it a little bit better than Yeovil. It was strange in the fact that only two players moved. The kick was from the right wing about 40 yards out, Barnard made a run, Butters slid the free kick through to him and Barnard finished across the keeper. If you were in any way connected with Yeovil – you would be mortified at conceding such a preventable goal.

Saints were trying to play out from the back and in doing so, were highlighting a major limitation with the central midfield players as neither Chaplow nor Hammond want the ball passed into them from the defenders. Martin attempted it and Chaplow skewed a pass straight to a Yeovil player before having to hammer back and concede a corner. There was no movement from anyone so the ball usually travelled across the back four and was then hoofed, usually by Davis, usually to no one in particular.
Half time and my God, what a shite performance that was. Still, winning is the key and this was illustrated by the fact that Bournemouth were losing at Exeter.

Nigel’s half time team talk had obviously contained a request for more aimless rubbish as that was the order of the day after the restart. Saints always looked the more capable though as Chambo fed Lallana who put a perfect cross onto the head of Lee Barnard to head in for 2-0. It was nearly hat-trick time a minute later as Barney was again put through by Lallana but this time the keeper got a block on it and the chance was gone.

It was all Saints now and it was no surprise when a 3rd goal arrived courtesy of Chamberlain who picked up a loose ball in midfield and drove forward before lashing a ball into the net, via a deflection which left the keeper trying to dive in two directions at once.

There was a brief interlude and a rest for everyone else when Chambo got the ball in the nuts. I swear that Butterfield and Fonte were having a bit of a giggle but then, there is something about a football hitting testicles which is always funny, as long as the testicles in question aren’t yours. The Kingsland comedian who came out with “can’t have hurt that much cos they haven’t dropped yet” should be applauded.

Saints used the bench with Chappers, Chambo and Lallana making way for Gobern, Richardson and Jonno Pace. The formation kind of went to shit with Sir Rickie dropping into the hole and Butters going into midfield. Chances kept coming though with Gobern firing a decent volley just over and not falling over as he hit it.
Kelvin Davis, who had up to this point kept a clean sheet just by standing there, had his one thing to do for the game when a hopeful cross from the left nearly ended up in the net as he flapped and fumbled it onto the bar. To be fair, he was under pressure from the nearest Yeovil player who was about 30 yards away. His confidence was then tested when Richardson tried to clear a ball up the pitch left footed and managed to hook it horribly and send it straight back to Davis who then had to deal with it.

Oscar Gobern was showing up well in the middle of the park and from a decent tackle, won the ball and send Jonno Pace on his way. With Barnard screaming for a square pass and a tap in for a hat-trick, Jonno ignored him and ran straight into the keeper, without ever looking like he was going to score. I hate to say it but with his physical appearance, the number on his shirt and the lack of goal.... Bradley Wright-Forte.

BWF showed a nice trick or two over on the left wing before being unceremoniously hoofed up in the air by a clearly irritated defender. He managed a couple of spins and a pirouette before landing.

So, 3-0 and easy really. Didn’t play well but didn’t really have to. Before the game, Yeovil were saying that they’d miss Paul Wotton and it’s easy to see that he would have been their best player today. They were very very poor and seemed to have no idea how to approach the game. I dunno about not having a Plan B, they didn’t seem to have a Plan A. Still, it was nice to see Wotton on the pitch at the end, shaking hands with the Saints boys.

So on we roll to Dean Court and a meeting with the Moaning Dorset Bstrds. I have a feeling that their fans would rather win this game than get promoted. Nice that they lost today and if we manage to get the first goal on Saturday it may really knock them back. If we beat them then we go above them on goal difference and we will still have 2 games in hand. A draw won’t be a bad result but the form of Peterborough and Huddersfield demands that we go for the win... which I’m sure we will.

Bring it on!!!

League 1 Match 32 - Colchester 0 Southampton 2

Funny place to name a ground after

It’s all been pretty quiet since the Walsall disaster. A couple of players have been wheeled out to dish out bland statements – Butterfield about the Walsall game and Hammond about the forthcoming Colchester game. Deano used to play for them of course. Nigel Adkins has hinted at dipping into the loan market and said we just have to go again and try and go on a run of winning matches. All bland and obvious but what else can he say to be fair. Since Gordon Strachan, we have had a succession of managers that only seem to answer a question in one style, be it after a win or a defeat. This can the impression of not really being honest or not having the faintest idea what’s going on. Adkins is always positive – quoting from his ‘How to be a Modern Manager’ Text Book, Poortvliet always talked in riddles, complete bollix and Burley just sounded depressed and mumbled stuff that made no sense at all. I think that it’s only being being a bit up and down that you show your emotions and really connect with fans because that’s what fans are like – we’re the best or we’re the worst. Strachan kind of did this which is one of the reasons why he’s one of our more popular of our last 53 managers – oh yeah, and there was the 8th place in the Prem finish and the FA Cup Final appearance. Pardew was another who showed what he thought and usually did so with some intelligence. I particularly remember him being fed up with the negativity surrounding us.

So – Colchester away at the Weston Shore Care Home Silly Name Park Stadium. In the absence of any firm injury progress updates on either Bart, Seaborne, Chambo, Morgan or the Gulyman, I expected a predictable line-up with Jaidi playing for a 3rd time in 7 days as the manager doesn’t trust Aaron Martin, Chappers and Deano in the centre and Barney and Sir Rickie up front…. And that’s what I got. The good news being that Chambo was fit to start. Notables in the Colchester line up include Kayode Odejayi who is the size of a enormous tree and about as mobile. Also, they have Lloyd James football genius, Saint of old who demonstrated great versatility in being very average in several positions.

I’m struggling to keep in touch with todays game because I’m at Southampton Ski Centre, bombing down the slopes in an inflatable ring thing. The theory is simple – you go down the slope and then do an impression of a Crash Test Dummy as you smash into a padded wall at the bottom. If you hit it backwards you get whiplash, forwards you break you ankles and sideways your brain bounces off both sides of the inside of your skull – it’s great and it’s my daughters birthday so I have to do it.

It is fairly common for Saints league matches to open up with a period of one-way traffic but it’s usually away from our goal and not towards it. After 20 minutes we had stats of 35% possession, nil shots on target, nil shots off target. Davis made a decent block from Mooney after 5 minutes after Fonte had miscontrolled the ball and we weren’t dealing with Colchester Technical Game Plan whereby the ball is bombed on top of Odejayi, 6ft 6ish massive bloke whenever Colchester get it within 70 yards our your goal. Aidy Hoofroyd brought them this approach when he was manager and even though he has long gone, they seem to have kept the style. On 20 minutes we went ahead on one stat when we went 1-0 up on the yellow card count when Lee Barnard got booked for trashing someone.

The game changed on the half hour mark when we got a free kick on the edge of the Colchester box for Clarke’s repeat assault on Barnard. Up stepped Sir Rickie to smash it off of Barnard on the end of the wall and it turned into a perfect pass to Chamberlain to tap home for 1-0.

A minute later it got even better for Saints as Davis rushed from his line and pulled out of a challenge only to see Butterfield steam into a tackle with Mooney and win a tackle with a real man and ball effort. The ball went loose to Davis and another forward steamed in late and slid into Butters. Mooney, the Colchester striker who has always been a bit of a cock when we’ve played them, decided it was a good idea to get up and shove Butters in the back of the neck as he got up. Regardless of the stupidity of the push, it didn’t really warrant a red card but that’s what he got. I could believe that he’d been his normal bell-end self and annoyed the ref earlier in the game but a straight red….? Well take it though, off you go, don’t let the door hit your ass.

Saints managed to create one more major chance before half time as Chambo totally skinned the left back before clipping over a brilliant cross where it was met by the ‘new Ron Davies’, Adam Lallana who didn’t do his usual powder puff flicked header off the side of his face and instead went for a thumping Big Ron effort which Williams tipped up and over the bar, via a couple of bounces on top of said crossbar. Lee Barnard was on the goal line looking at the ball in much the same way that a cat wills a bird to fall out of a tree. The Lloyd James had a shot………… and luckily, he hasn't improved. Half time and 1-0.

Five minutes into the second half we got a corner, from which we revealed another one of our training ground routines as Chambo rolled it into Lallana who dribbled away from goal before chipping it back into the mixer. The training ground routine probably ends with Fonte or Jaidi thumping a header into the net but this time it was cleared as far as Hammond who cut past one player before lashing into the net at the far post. Good strike and 2-0 and what should be game over.

The game went into a bit of a holding pattern for the next 20 minutes as Saints were happy to hold what they had and Colchester trying to make the running but not having much success. Barnard tested Williams out again and found him equal to it.
On 70 there was a bit if a surprise with Jaidi being subbed and Aaron Martin coming on to play with Fonte in what will probably be our centre back pairing for next season. Maybe it was an injury or maybe he just wanted to rest the Big Man for Tuesday nights game against Yeovil. What it definitely did was give Aaron a chance to play against a tree.

On 80 minutes, Nigel thought that Barnard had managed to stay cool long enough, despite the kicking he was getting and gave him a rest with N’Guessan coming on in his place. Just before he left, Barnard latched onto a Sir Rickie flick and rolled it past the onrushing Williams, only to see it dribble wide of the post. One more sub to go as Alex Chamberlain was given 5 minutes rest as he was replaced by Richardson. No dramas, no alarms, no worries, 2-0 and happy days are here again.

They may have had a man sent off and we may not have played particularly well but guess what – it doesn’t matter a shit. Nigel was full of praise for the professionalism shown and singled out Lee Barnard in particular for getting booked on 20 minutes and then managing to not get booked in the face of a severe kicking from the Colchester defence, in the next 60 minutes. Mind you, Lee has learned the hard way that if you don’t show restraint, you end up in the shit or in hospital or both.

Of our promotion rivals – everybody won except for Huddersfield who drew. Brighton came close to dropping a point but sneaked a last minute winner to win 4-3 v Carlisle. It’s the same story as always in this league… you go nowhere by winning one and then winning another with a couple of dodgy results inbetween – the only way you seriously improve your position is by stringing together 5+ wins in a row. We’re capable of that as much as we are capable of buggering up a fixture where we should be winning comfortably.

So, today was the first match of our next 5 match winning run and the next is Yeovil at home which, on paper anyway, is one we should definitely win. Following that we have the Moaning Dorset Bastards at Dean Court but lets not let that game overshadow what is coming our way on Tuesday night.

The Return of the Wotton.

League 1 Match 31 - Walsall 1 Southampton 0

Well played Fatty

A trip to the Black Country to take on Walsall who we belted twice last season. They are showing signs of recovery having been bottom virtually all season, which meant that Chris Hutchings got sacked. Their new manager is Dean Smith who I’ve never heard of, but since he came in they are now in striking distance of safety. The Banks’s Stadium is the relatively new name for the Bescot, which is what it was called the last time I went there – to see a gig by The Wonder Stuff in 1991ish. So, Welcome to the Cheap Seats...

When we were rubbish at Hartlepool, Nigel kept the same starting XI and subs for the next game. In that game, we won 4-1 and so he decides to tinker. Yes, we expected Barnard and Schneiderlin to play but we did not expect Alex Chamberlain to be on the bench with Chaplow playing down the right hand side. I can see the value of playing all three central midfielders if you have two attacking wingers as well but no, much better to play someone out of position. The Gulyman was injured and his place on the bench was taken by Ryan Dickson who had found time to train this week, in between trying to save Plymouth Argyle on Twitter. Also present was the returning Iffy Forecast who became the latest keeper to sit on the bench and wonder what Kelvin has to do to get dropped. When Ollie Lancashire left Saints and signed for Walsall, it was on condition (a Walsall Pact if you will) that he played in every single game against Saints on account of him being shite. The pact was honoured and he took his place against us.

We didn’t have to wait too long for Chaplow to be back in the centre of midfield as Schneiderlin got forward and hammered in a shot which was saved by Walker (Size of a Cow – that’s enough Wonder Stuff references) and Morgan was clattered by a defender as he shot and came off worse. He limped on for a couple of minutes before being replaced with Dany N’Guessan who, being naturally left footed, went to the right while right footed Lallana stayed on the left – yes, it still bugs me and will continue to do so until Nigel tells me why he does this.

Two more chances quickly followed by the quarter hour mark as Saints dominated with both Barnard and Sir Rickie testing the keeper with angled shots that he saved relatively comfortably. Saints were creating chances with decent build up play revolving around the front two, Lallana and N’Guessan who never really looks like he knows what he’s doing.

Also not knowing what he was doing was the referee who intercepted a Walsall clearance with his backside and passed to Sir Rickie who again fed Barney who forced another save from Walker who was already beginning to get a bit fat and annoying. Walsall managed the odd foray into our half and had a couple of half chances, first with Ledesma taking time off from diving about to fire over from miles out and then Gray cutting in from the right wing and firing just wide of the far post. If it had been on target then I have no confidence that Kelvin would have saved it.

The rest of the goalless first half was played out with a constant stream of pressure towards the Walsall goal but Walker and his defenders, including Ollie Lancashire managed to stand firm in the face of further efforts by Hammond and Jaidi.
The procession continued at the start of the second half with a nice move between Harding, Lallana and Barnard leaving Chaplow with a chance which he fired over. Jaidi then nearly made it 2 goals from 2 games when he rose like a very large salmon and headed just over the bar. Then the most agonising near miss as Fonte hammered goalwards with an effort that had ‘GOAL!’ written all over it but he may be a fat bastard but he’s still got his reflexes and Walker somehow stuck out a foot to keep it out. Bastard.

The Radio Solent fed that I was listening to through SaintsPlayer then packed up and we were very kindly given conmmentary from Fratton Park – so, I moved as quickly as Alex Chamberlain flying down the wing and switched to the Walsall commentary on Raydio Brummie which echoed the Exeter commentary from a few weeks back by being both funny and incredibly biased at the same time.

Whilst this change of Radio stations was taking place, unbelievably.... but totally believably, we managed to go 1-0 behind as Jaidi misjudged a bit punt upfield and only managed to head it into the path of Jon Macken whose lobbed finish was made easier by the fact that Davis was 20 yards out of his goal, completely in no mans land. He may have well have been in Nomansland which is on the A36 to Salisbury. Jon Macken was on the bench at Man City once when Stuart Pearce wanted to send on a striker to try and rescue a game – he sent on David James, a then 35 year old goalkeeper instead as he thought he’d have more impact. Anyway – piss take aside, he’s just scored against us.

The sub was then subbed with Chamberlain coming on for N’Guessan and he put the fear up the Walsall defenders with a run and cross from the right which Barnard headed goalwards where it was cleared of the line, moments before Chaplow steamed in to try and add the final touch. Lallana then got the left bye line and pulled back for Sir Rickie to hammer goalwards and see his shot deflected wide. It’s not going to happen is it....

We lobbed big Radhi up front for the last five minutes and he came as close as anyone when another Chamberlain cross was headed skywards by a defender and Jaidi connected well with a left foot volley which flew narrowly wide. We had a penalty shout for handball and Barnard firing just wide – Jimmy Walker was announced as Man of the Match and the final whistle blew. Unbelievably, given the totally one sided nature of the preceding 90 minutes – we had lost.

Jesus... as losses go, this one is pretty unbearable. We spend the game peppering their goal, fatty saves everything and we lose 1-0, ridiculous. We created a lot of good chances with decent football and on its own it could be written off but we seemed to have slipped into an away game malaise of sorts with poorish results in the last 3 away games. All 3 of these games have been different with different problems – Peterborough our defending was woeful, Hartlepool we never got going, Walsall we missed a load of chances. Should have got 9 points, instead we got 2. You could argue that we were unlucky today but the bottom line is that we lost and it’s an abysmal result against a spirited but really, really limited side.

Well – we still have two games in hand on second placed Bournemouth but tonight’s was a banker and we blew it and the 6 point gap suddenly looks a bit larger. I had the next game (away at Colchester) down as a draw but a draw is no longer good enough for that fixture. It’s hard to see how Nigel can freshen the side up as there are no options up front with Forte and Guly being injured and Morgan’s injury means the midfield picks itself as well. The defence, in all honesty, doesn’t need changing so expect Richardson and Dickson to start.

Bollocks!!!