It's a fucking Bunny Rabbit, Alright !!! Back to SMS for the latest home bow for the latest new manager – forgive me for being blasé about the first home match for our 95th new manager in the last few seasons. In the build-up, he had been first class, making the right noises and coming across well but when it mattered, could Nigel Adkins deliver. I had an early uplifting moment just before kick off when I overheard the one Chuckle Brother present today (the whiny one) saying that he was missing the next three matches. My loud cheer brought some quizzical looks from the Kingslanders around me as the tannoy was announcing the Colchester team at the time.
Our team showed one important change with Lee Barnard returning instead of David Connolly who was missing altogether, presumably injured. The bench had one different, if slightly alarming component with Anthony Pulis on there, for what I think is his first appearance on the subs bench since he signed, just over two years ago. I’ve never seen him play but those who have say he makes Paul Wotton look like Lionel Messi. Nigel Adkins comes out and waves to the SMS faithful and the 15 or so Colchester fans and gets a decent reception and I sense good things are about to happen.
Saints started a bit nervously but got it going around the ten minute mark when Barnard was chopped down on the edge of the box. Up stepped Sir Rickie and curled it over the wall and into the side netting. Bugger.
Aidy Hoofroyd may have gone but Colchester prove that old habits die hard with one man up front and whoosh. The one man up front it a bit of a lemon who decides to charge down a Davis kick out with his hands provoking a lecture from the ref when it surely should have produced a card. Ten minutes later he does the same from a Harding clearance and this time gets a booking. Pillock.
On 25 minutes there is a rare thing in that a Colchester player gets substituted and on comes Lloyd James as a sub. As he jogs towards the right back slot, he gets a generous reception from the Kingsland which is nice to hear. Maybe it’s because he was a decent if limited servant to the club or maybe it’s because we have a better chance of winning now that he’s on the field. Within two minutes he’s got the ball in a crossing position and his cross hits Harding on the knee. Some things never change.
Colchester’s midfield is made up of little spiky bastards who get about the park and snap into tackles. Playing against them would be like trying to dribble a tennis ball through a team of Jack Russell terriers. Kemal Izzet is the captain and head little shit. Last year he senselessly booted someone up the arse here and got sent off. This year he’s everywhere and managing to find time to referee the game as well, ably supported by this little blonde shit who isn’t actually very good but he’s very annoying and closes everyone down quickly – mind you, Stephen Hawking could close down Hammond before he’s decided what to do with it and his brain has told his feet what to do.
The Bermuda Triangle of Seaborne, Harding and Puncheon was in full operation – the ball goes in and disappears, only emerging later in Colchester’s possession, usually when Puncheon has tried to take on someone and lost it, or when Harding or Seaborne have hoofed it three miles – though in their defence, this is often when they have no one to pass it to. On the other side of the pitch, Alex Chamberlain was having a fitful kind of game – some brilliant skill and bursts of pace, mixed in with being knocked off the ball really easily and being too eager to play asfe.
Half time, 0-0 and in summary, not very good.
Saints best chance so far came on 50 minutes as a corner that had been won by Puncheon and delivered by Schneiderlin, actually missed the first defender and was met by the boot of Sir Rickie and his volley was superbly saved by Cousins in the Colchester goal. Butterfield got forward for his usual one shot and this weeks effort was a decent daisy cutter which had the keeper scrambling as it pinged off of someone and off for another corner.
With 25 to go, Adkins has had enough of the left hand side of the team and hooks Harding and Puncheon in favour of Ryan Dickson and (loud groan from me) Lee Holmes. Immediately though, the change is marked as Holmes cuts in onto his right foot and curls a shot wide. The crowd all went ‘Oooooooooh’ but in fact it was about 6 yards off target. Dickson is also flying down the wing at every opportunity and we look miles better.
With Holmes now taking over the set pieces, we suddenly looked much more dangerous with Hammond going close with a header but the main thing was that the ball was being delivered into the right area, close to the keeper but not too close and difficult to defend against. A goal was beginning to look like it might be coming but then we had a brown pants moment as suddenly, Colchester sub Odejayi was clean through. Luckily he delayed just enough to allow Butterfield and Fonte to make it back before poking the ball to Vincent who only half hit it allowing Superkelv to smother it. Thank fuck for that.
As the clock ticked 90 and 4 extra minutes were displayed, Saints were on the attack and Colchester had retreated so far they were nearly down by the Docks. Barnard was chopped down on the edge of the box and we had a free-kick, 25 yards out, just left of centre. The referee walked the wall back a good 7 yards at the most and up stepped Sir Rickie to arch one towards the bottom corner which the keeper clawed away at fullo stretch. Bastard. Two minutes alter and another foul in the same place and an identical action replay, only this time it was an even better save. Double bastard.
As soon as the keeper saved the second free-kick, the final whistle blew and the reaction of the crowd was a kind of disappointed appreciation. We had kept going for the full 90 and you could see the green shoots of recovery but I would rather we’d been utter bollocks for 90 minutes and won 1-0. Yes the team had put in a decent send half show but the end result was 450 minutes now, without a goal.
There was one unexpected positive out of today which was the performance of Lee Holmes who up til now, I have only thought was a complete waste of oxygen. Nice bloke I’m sure, loves his Mum I’m sure, effective as a footballer… nope. Today though, he looked decent and put over some set pieces that were 1000% better than the abysmal ‘hit the first man’ shit served up by Schneiderlin and particularly by Puncheon. I would not be at all surprised to see Puncheon on the bench for the next match as Holmes did more in 15 minutes than Puncheon did in 75 so maybe he deserves a go and lets face it, Puncheon deserves to be dropped. Ryan Dickson also made a decent impact when he came on for the disappointing Harding who could also find himself doing a bit of bench duty for a while. I feel that Harding will be slightly stronger defensively but it’s going forward where we’re struggling so get Dickson in there, especially in home games.
Other negatives were Dan Seaborne who is just not very good but he did prove that Aaron Martin should definitely be in the side when fit. Our central midfield got a pasting from the quicker and lighter little shits that Colchester had in there. I thought Hammond was desperately poor – I’m nearly 42 and I reckon I could turn faster and make my mind up on the pitch quicker than he can. He looks so stiff, like he needs two hip replacements or something. As for Schneiderlin – same as ever really with some nice touches and the occasional burst forward mixed in with some over-ambitious passes which ended up as Rugby style kicks for position. It’s all very well twisting and turning and pinging a decent looking pass over the full back – but if it’s 40 yards in front of the winger then I’m sorry, but it’s crap. The central midfield is an area that really, really, really needs to be addressed somehow. Am I repeating myself here – I think I am.
Assuming we don’t bring anyone in on loan before next Saturday, I think we’ll see a few changes for what will be a very difficult game next week at Hillsborough. I think we’ve improved over the last two games under Nigel Adkins but very very slightly and not enough to actually put the round thing in the oblong thing with a net on it. Maybe next week….
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