Classic Single Ahoy !!!Time for the postponed game against the Fake Dons and it’s a lot more interesting than it otherwise would have been. For starters, we would have been very confident of winning this game as we beat them four times last year – however, that was before we were shit with Caretaker Manager syndrome. Also of course, we now have a new manager and predictably, it’s Nigel Adkins who has joined us from that well known swear filter busting team, Scuntfuckwank. Welcome to the Saints, Nigel and I hope you’re still the manager in three years time as this will mean we have gone up at least one division. Adkins seems to be well qualified for the job and should fit in well with the ‘different’ structure we have in place at SFC. Time will tell of course but some things will never change – no results and he’ll get fired. It’s not so easy to judge the Head of Youth Development who is on the same level in the hierarchy.... ho hum, a debate for another day methinks.
The quest for a new manager has been interesting and was ended with the appointment of Adkins and a statement to say that he was the only person offered the job – in direct contradiction to what was stated by Dick Mitchell (don’t know his first name), the Bournemouth Chairman who seems to want to stir up a big rivalry between Bournemouth and ourselves. Eddie turned the job down because we’re better than them Scummers, he might have said. There is always the chance of course, that Saints are bluffing to try and make Adkins feel that he was the number 1 target all along but if I had to choose between Cortese and Mitchell to believe - I’d choose the man who would leave a horses head in my bed if I didn’t.
Back to the game at the Fake Dons acted with great class to allow us to postpone the game when Markus Liebherr passed away and they and their Chairman were thanked publicly by Don Nicola. That should be forgotten now and we should remember that they are a Franchise in a shit town and their manager is Karl Robinson who is the end of a bell. Also of course, stadium:mk (as it is pretentiously written with no capital letters) is touted as a potential World Cup venue in 2018 which even though I’ve known this for a year, is still something I find hard to comprehend.
After just a couple of training sessions, it would be too soon to expect Nigel to have read up on this blog and pick his team accordingly. If he asked me for advice and I was Making Plans for Nigel (sorry! – won’t use that again) I’d tell him to leave out Schneiderlin and Harding and play Dickson and Heather Mills, moving Puncheon into the centre. When I heard the team I realised that Nigel does not read this blog as Seaborne came in for the completely absent Martin and other than that, it was as you were. So, would we get ‘new manager bounce’ as they call it or more likely, not.
Saints started well and bossed possession for the first 20 minutes which brought a chance for Sir Rickie that was well saved by Martin in the Fake Dons goal. Proving that the new manager had made the players aware they had a clean slate – Schneiderlin found himself far forward enough to make a difference and fired a volley narrowly over. It’s going well and we’re looking dangerous and certainly the team most likely to score. That’s all very well but the fact remained that we hadn’t yet. The rest of the half became more even and the Fakes tested Davis a couple of times and really should have taken the lead when Doumbe had a free header when given the freedom of our penalty area and totally butchered it.
Half time and promising but... we still hadn’t scored. 315 minutes and counting.
I’m in a Dave Merrington wonderland for the 2nd half anf until the hour mark we’re still doing ok. Things seem to go slightly amiss around this time and Dave is left wondering how dan Seaborne has got away with a spot of wrestling in our box that on another day would have resulted in a penalty. Recongnizing that things are gradually getting worse, Nigel makes his first substitution as SFC manager and it’s to take Connolly off and put on Heather Mills, a player he had on loan for a season up at Scuntfuckwank. Initially I’m thinking ‘defender for a striker.... boooo’ but it turns out that Chamberlain is being pushed up front to try and inject some pace.
Sadly though, we hear nothing of Mills and Chamberlain before that all too familiar ... he shoots.... goal. Nice build up, nice through ball, nice finish, 1-0 to the Fake Dons and that familiar fan feeling of knowing we aren’t going to do a thing about it. There are 20 minutes to go but as they drift by, it’s obvious that Saints are spent. There is no mention being made of Lambert or Schneiderlin or Puncheon and it’s just Fonte and Davis.
90 minutes are up and we replace Chamberlain with Lee Holmes. I’ll forgive Nigel this one as he can’t possibly know yet that Holmes is a complete waste of space and it won’t matter anyway because having played 3 minutes, he’ll now be injured for a couple of months. Anyhow, another goal as Davis parries the initial shot and Leven follows it in whilst the defence does that usual ‘not reacting’ thing they have perfected recently.
We have a late attack and force a corner and Puncheon jogs over to take it and everyone goes forward – just in time for him to kick it straight out of play – wanker. Thus endeth 4 defeats in a row and no goals in 360 minutes of football.
Following on from Dean Wilkins saying it in the week, Uncle Dave is saying we have no options on the bench anymore whereas last year we had Waigo, Antonio and one of Connolly or Barnard. This is following on from me saying it after the first game of the season. We were also lucky last year that Lambert stayed fit all season and didn’t have a lean spell like he’s having now. Also of course, Adam Lallana was fit all season. The basic problem though is that players are playing worse than they were last year. I’d say that Fonte, Jaidi, Harding, Puncheon, Lambert, Connolly and Davis are all below last seasons levels. Hammond and Schneiderlin are the same as last year but they really needed to improve and the only real improvements have been Lee Barnard (suspension completed today) and Danny Butterfield who is an improvement on the ‘who is right back this week’ scenario we had going on last year. It’s ironic really that we wouldn’t have even signed Butterfield if Frazer Richardson hadn’t got injured straight away. Our other signings, Dickson and do Prado have yet to be given a chance and I think they would both make a positive difference.
We also seem to start games well and then run out of steam which is obviously a fitness issue which ties in with some rumoured Cortese comments about pre-season. As for Nigel Adkins – well he says he’s learned a lot from the game and he’s keeping it to himself. Hopefully on Saturday at home to Colchester, we’ll be able to see what he’s been keeping to himself and that he’s fixed it. A footnote to today’s game is that Karl Robinson wasn’t a bell end and was very respectful of SFC. Fair play to him for realising that you can’t be a total gobshite when you’re the main man rather than the Assistant.
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