World Cup Part 18 - Pub Team Loses FInal

The Nice Face of Dutch Football

SATURDAY 10th JULY

The game that is not even on your wall planner, the 3rd place playoff or as it is now pomposly known, 'The Bronze Medal Match' or the 'We Don't Want to Fucking be Here, We Want to Be at Home' Playoff. As befitting its importance, I can't be arsed with it - Germany beat Uruguay 3-2 with Khedira heading the winner with 8 minutes to go, the Uruguayan goalkeeper was shit and threw in the first two goals, whilst Forlan scored another decent one for the losers. So, Germany third, whoop-de-do.

SUNDAY 11th JULY

Sapin v Netherlands.... The World Cup Final. The selection issues were resolved in a fairly boring manner – the Spanish kept Pedro in the team and left Torres on the bench whilst the Dutch brought back De Jong and Van Der Wiel who were suspended from the semi final.

Spain started brightly and it only took 5 minutes for Sergio Ramos to force the first save from Stekelenburg with a decent header and the Spanish full back causes havoc again when he fires in a cross that Heitinga slices over his own bar, not having a clue where it had gone.

Howard Webb, the referee, then took over for a couple of minutes, showing yellow cards, first for Van Persie and then for Puyol who gets booked for bringing down Arjen Robben. If I had my way, you get a medal for kicking that diving little shit. The double booking comes again a few minutes later as predictably, Van Bommel kicks Iniesta up in the air because he hadn’t touched the ball so far. Sergio Ramos then gets booked for pointlessly fouling Dirk Kuyt, who was having one of those games where if you don’t tackle him, he’ll tackle himself.

Webby (as his mates call him) has a shocker on the half hour when Xabi Alonso wins a header about three seconds before de Jong karate kicks him across the throat. Think Gazza in the Cup Final in 1991 and then go a bit higher. It’s a red card on the park, in the lower leagues, in the Premiership, in the group games of the World Cup…. But it’s yellow in the final. His foot is nearly six foot off the ground and Alonso was lucky he didn’t need dentistry.

There’s a bizarre incident a few minutes later when the Dutch return to ball to Casillas who must have shat himself as it bounced over his head. He pushed it round for a corner and the Dutch took time off from kicking the shit out of everything and returned the corner to the keeper which was a nice touch from Van Persie, though I bet Van Bommel kicked him in the bollocks for that at half-time.

Netherlands have a decent chance a few minutes later as a short corner is worked to Mathijsen who showed exactly why he’s a centre back by hitting an embarrassing airshot. There is only one more incident of note in the first half which is unsurprisingly a bad foul by a Dutch player which Busquets being taken out high and late by Sneijder, for having a silly name. Half time, 0-0 and a crap game.

The game needs a goal and Spain fashion a chance at the start of the second half but it falls to Capdevila who does a Mathijsen and misses the ball. I feel that it’s going to be a long night. We have managed a few minutes without anyone getting booked but the Van Bronckhorst and Heitinga manage it in quick succession. It’s noticeable that Van Bommel and de Jong have obviously been told not to be silly in the 2nd half as neither of them are putting their foot in which must be a killer when all you want to do is kick the fuck out of people.

Golden chance for the Dutch as Robben finds himself clean through with just Casillas to beat. He took his time well and waited for Casillas to commit before scuffing a shot that Casillas toed behind with a trailing boot. Maybe it was the keeper that put him off, or the enormity of the occasion – or maybe it was me shouting ‘WANKER!!!’ at my television as he shaped to shoot. Either way, it was a great chance gone and you kind of knew that they wouldn’t get too many others.

Spain have brought on Jesus Navas who a tricky little quick bastard who plays on the wing. He is immediately flying past van Bronckhorst and setting up David Villa whose goalbound shot is deflected wide by Heitinga. Having praised him for being an effective player in this tournament, time runs of for Dirk Kuyt who is stinking the place out and is substituted with Elia coming on in his place. Today, Dirk looked like Iain Dowie, which he always does to be fair - the trouble is that today he played like him. There’s a phrase about trapping a bag of cement.

There are just over ten minutes to go and Spain re-enact their semi final goal as Sergio Ramos leaps Puyol-like to connect with a header – only there the similarity ends as he powers it over the bar. Free header from six yards… over, in a World Cup Final, nightmare. I’d love to know what names he was calling himself. It’s going to extra time but there is one more incident of note and involves my mate Robben who again gets through and Puyol is having a pull at his shirt but in most strange behaviour, he stays on his feet and runs into the keeper who claims the ball. I have never seen Robben stay on his feet ever and consequently, he doesn’t get a penalty, Puyol doesn’t get sent off and Robben does get booked for bitching about it afterwards. I find this quite amusing and a definite case of past diving about coming back to haunt you. Webby must have thought... he didn't go down and he always goes down, so it can't be a foul.

Extra time and Fabregas is on for Alonso (actually this happened just before the 90 minutes were up) and my thoughts drifted to England – if Torres and Fabregas were English – would they be on the bench? Fabregas is clean though on 95 minutes but can't lift it over Stekelenburg who makes a great save. The keeper has a heart-in-mouth moment five minutes later as Jesus shoots, the keeper dives and Van Bronckhorst deflects it the other way onto the outside of the post. Fabregas manages a run on shot which goes wide and that’s half time.

…and we’re off for the last fifteen minutes of football in South Africa 2010, Torres is on for Villa and it takes five minutes for the inevitable to occur as Iniesta gets hauled down, it’s a yellow card and it’s just a case of if the Dutchman in question has already been booked. He has and Heitinga has to walk. Webby gets Van Bommel in his face and it’s all kicking off but can we have a goal now please? In my opinion, Webby has refereed pretty well considering the occasion and the Dutch tactics. Yes, he probably should have sent de Jong off but he definitely should have seen the foul on Elia who was sandwiched between Ramos and Pique. From the lack of free kick, Spain broke and Torres crossed from the left, Mathijsen messed up the clearace and Fabregas fed Iniesta who took a touch, smashed it home and promptly went nuts along with anyone Spanish round the world.

The Dutch have got nothing to offer and so The Spanish easily hold on and win the World Cup for the very first time and thank Christ for that. If the Dutch had managed to win on penalties it would have been a travesty for the game. Anti-football at its worst, bloody pub team tactics, Total Football... Total Thuggery. They knew that it would take something bad to get sent off in the World Cup Final and they played on this and kicked the shite out of Spain from the first minute. The sad thing is is that the Dutch didn’t really need to do this as they have good players and Dirk Kuyt. A victory for football.

A while later and Iker Casillas received to cup from Sepp Arse Blatter and Jacob Zuma and millions of TVs across England switched off. Will it ever be us? Not a chance. Another remix of the Skinner and Baddiel song with 4 more years added on to the lyrics.

The End.

Thankfully - the best team won

World Cup Part 17 - Van Bommanimal

"I will personally rip your head off"

TUESDAY 6th JULY

The first semi-final was between Holland and Uruguay which is a match you would not have predicted before the tournament began. Of course, to one eyed fans in England, when we filled out our wallcharts with our predictions, this was going to be England v Brazil, a game that we didn’t think we’d win but we might because we had Rooney and Gerrard and Lampard and all the other …. Wankers. Mind you, I expect that people in Brazil thought the same thing about their side and and now think they're a bunch of whatever the Portuguese word is for ‘wankers’. Maybe the word is ‘Ronaldo’. One of the more bizarre bits of news is that Ronaldo has become a father by paying a surrogate mother. Strange, you’d think that with his looks and money he could have got laid.

Anyway, to the football and Uruguay were missing their second goalkeeper in Suarez and the Dutch were without the suspended de Jong and Van Der Wiel. De Jong missing meant that Mark Van Bommel was missing his partner in midfield thuggery so Van Bommel, possibly the dirtiest player I’ve ever seen, would have to up his crime rate.

The first half started off a bit tentatively with not much football being played. The Dutch switched the ball to the left and this was achieved by Van Bommel stepping over a pass, bound for Van Bronckhorst. The way he stepped over the pass was by lifting his foot and stamping down the shin of the nearest Uruguayan but never mind. Van Bronckhorst picked it up, one pace forward and bang, left footed from 40 yards into the opposite top corner for an absolutely stunning goal. As you know by now, my pet hate is the fucking ball but it flew straight and true this time which is great but I bet if he hit the same shot 10 times you’d get 10 different results. The Dutch then started to play and looked like they might win easily. Uruguay were hanging in there but were clearly missing the running of Suarez up front. Shorn of his strike partner, Forlan decided to sort things out on his own as he picked the ball up in the inside right channel and cut onto his weaker left foot where, hampered by no Dutch defenders closing him down, he hit it and Stekelenburg made himself as small as possible in the Dutch goal as he waved it past. A hint of Jubulani about the goal, a good strike but he really should have saved it… 1-1 at half time.

Again, the start of the second half was kind of nondescript with the Dutch lacking ideas and Uruguay lacking ambition. Three minutes decided the match though when on 70 minutes, Sneijder (who I have spelt incorrectly on every other blog entry) hit a shot from the edge of the box which got deflected into the far corner, through the legs of Van Persie who may or may not have been offside. Replays showed that one of his feet was fractionally in front of the defender but in my opinion, they were level and fair enough, the benefit should go to the attacker. Also, he didn’t actually touch it and once it took the original deflection, the keeper was toast anyhow. From their next attack, Holland worked it out to my mate Dirk on the right wing who chipped in a beautiful cross for Arjen Robben to leap, and plant a superb header into the bottom corner of the net. Game over, or was it….

Faced with elimination, Uruguay decided to attack a bit but it took until the 91st minute for them to pull one back as a neatly worked free kick move culminated in Maxi Pareira curling a left footer past Stekelenburg. Hilariously, Van Bommel then got booked for dissent after committing his 25th foul of the match and his “who, me?” face was brilliant. Sadly for Uruguay, there was no time for a frantic finale but they really can be proud of their efforts in getting this far. They have some good players in Forlan, Suarez, Arevalo and Pareira but mainly, they have a great work ethic and team spirit, a bit like France and England. The Dutch go on to their third World Cup Final and they deserve it. They have a few deficiencies in their team but they get the job done, their defence looks a bit dodgy and Van Persie, their main striker, hasn’t scored yet but Sneijder, Robben and Kuyt have been incredibly effective and Van Bommel, despite the fact he should be in prison or in a zoo, does a fantastic job anchoring the midfield and kicking people in general.

WEDNESDAY 7th JULY

Now for the match I was really looking forward to. In this World Cup I had come to accept the fact that previous hate figures had somehow become likeable. Diego Maradona had managed it through his barking mad approach and the Germans were to be admired for the way they were playing. Pundits and fans from many other countries have been queueing up to praise them for they way they have turned things around and developed a new way of playing etc. Germany being Germany though, ruin this by continually telling us how fabulous they are, firstly through Jurgen Klinsmann telling us how he and Joachim Loew changed the world and then our old mate Franz Beckenbauer telling us how Germany were efficient and always scored whereas Spain keep it for 90 minutes and don’t score. When it comes down to it, Franz and Jurgen had reaffirmed something that I had carried with me since I started watching football – I don’t like the Germans.

Spain finally gave up with Torres and benched him in favour of Pedro and the Germans replaced the suspended Muller with Trochowski who hails from North-East Germany, otherwise known as Poland – at least he speaks the same language as Podolski and Klose..

The game starts and Germany do what they did against England and Argentina in that they let the opposition have the ball. The trouble is that England and the Argies gave it back but the Spanish don’t. A lovely through ball from Pedro gives David Villa a chance but Neuer is out quickly to block. The Germans are struggling to keep the ball and the pressing of the Spanish when they do lose it is enough to make the Germans boot it long or give it away. Quarter of an hour gone and Xavi and Iniesta work a corner beautifully and Iniesta fires over a cross and Puyol tries to break the net with his header but it flies over the bar. Soon after, Germany manage to launch a counter attack which is of course, the one tactic they have but it’s ruined by a sloppy Podolski pass behind Ozil but in general, it’s still all Spain with Ramos and Xabi Alonso firing wide when well placed.

On the half hour, Germany manage their first shot with Trochowski forcing a save from Casillas and not a lot happens until Ozil falls in a heap on the edge of the box and nothing is given despite frantic penalty appeals. To be fair, it was a foul by Ramos but outside the box. Half time and 0-0 with Spain having all the possession and nothing to show for it. The Germans have been disappointing with very little being seen of Schweinsteiger and Ozil, their two players who make things happen.

The second half started with two decent but wide efforts from Alonso before Loew made a strange substitution, removing Boateng and replacing him with Jansen, who has looked like a shocking player whenever I’ve seen him, OK going forward but terrible defensively and he’s gone to left back.. More Spanish pressure with Pedro and Iniesta to the fore and David Villa looking the man most likely but it’s still not happening.

All the pretty football and all the possession and how to Spain take the lead ? Xavi fires a croner straight into the mixer and Puyol gets a run on it and smashes it in with his head – which defender lost him ? – Marcell Jansen. The ball hits the back of the net and bounces out back to Neuer – can’t pretend that one wasn’t in pal… I bet it crossed his mind though.

Loew and behold, Germany start showing ambition and are forcing Spain back now in much the same way Uruguay did to Holland once they went behind. I really hope they bloody lose now. Torres comes on for Spain and all Germany have got left is Mario Gomez who won the "Golden Turd Award for the Worst Striker at Euro 2008". He had a clear run at this award as England, and therefore Emile Heskey, didn't qualify. Spain should have wrapped it up as a Xavi pass sets Pedro free. It’s a 2 vs 1 break with Torres screaming for a pass but Pedro pisses about with it and lets the one defender get a tackle in – greedy bastard.

And so the game fizzles out as the Germans really don’t have too much to offer in terms of chasing the game. Spain just keep the ball and the time gets eaten up without much of a threat on their goal. It ends and the best team won and they really were the best team, by a mile. They could have won 4-0 and it wouldn’t have flattered them. As for Germany - well they were brilliant ad clinical against teams who had no defensive discipline (England, Argentina, Australia) but they didn't have a plan to play against teams who don't over commit (Serbia, Spain). Needless to say, they bloody will have sussed it out by the time Euro 2012 comes around but for now, lets rejoice in the fact that they are not the finished article, yet. I know they're light years ahead of England but lets be thankful for small mercies. Bye Franz and enjoy the most pointless match in World football - the 3rd Place Playoff.

So the final is between Holland and Spain and I only really see one winner. The Dutch destruction duo of De Jong and Van Bommanimal have to get the better of Xavi and Iniesta in order to get Sneijder and Robben on the ball but I can’t honestly see anyone getting the better of the Spanish pair. If Robben in particular, gets on the ball and gets to run at Capdevila then the Dutch may have some joy but they have to make the most of any possession they have to get at the Spanish defence, in which Pique is dodgy and Casillas has looked unsure. As for the Dutch defence – well I can’t see them coping with Villa but will Spain play two up or will they play one of Pedro or Fabregas, just behind Villa. As usual, you can’t see Spain scoring too many as they piss about up front too much but I’m sure they’ll get one and it’ll be the one that wins them the World Cup. Spain 1 Holland 0 is the prediction.

It's horrible when Germany lose.

World Cup Part 16 - Vorsprung Durch Technik

Diego drowns his sorrows

SATURDAY 3 JULY

Argentina v Germany in the first Quarter Final of the day was eagerly anticipated in that we’d finally see both sides get their defences tested. It hard to watch though when you watch both teams to lose – who do I hate more, The Germans or the Argies – tough one. I found myself wanting the Germans to win because they didn’t have a hate figure on view. Argentina of course had Maradona but Germany didn’t have a Klinsmann, a Matthaus, a Schumacher or a Beckenbauer. It didn’t take long for the first goal to arrive and the Germans got it when Schweinsteiger swung over a free kick and Tomas Mueller (again!!) ran in front of static defender and diverted it past Romero who barely moved. Klose fired over when it was easier to score from a Mueller pull back before Argentina had the ball in the net as Tevez square for Rodriguez to tap home. Unfortunately, when Tevez received the ball, he was one of four players who had been caught in a Vorsprung Durch Technik German offside trap.

The second half started with more Argentine pressure with de Maria hitting a cross shot that was on target until the Jubulani decided to turn left and miss the far post. Then came the incident that showed that it wasn’t going to be Argentina’s day when Tevez connected sweetly with an on-target volley from 12 yards which hit Mertersacker straight in the face and bounced off for a corner. Up the other end and Schweinsteiger put Podolski through who waited, drew the keeper and slipped it to a suspiciously offside looking Klose for a tap in and 2-0. Five minutes later it was all over and Schweinsteiger set off on a mazy which took him past four defenders and to the by-line, from where he rolled it back into the path of Freidrich to slot home. Brilliant run and my new favourite goal of the tournament. The Argies gave up at this point, leaving just one more opportunity for the Germans to show how the counter attack works and Podolski broke, passed to Ozil who crossed beautifully for Klose to despatch on the volley for 4-0.

Goodbye El Nutjob, I have enjoyed your press conferences and your enthusiasm but it’s still fun watching your team crash out. I guess the big compensation for Maradona is that I like him more than I used to, which will be really important to him, I know. It could be arguesd that the 4-0 scoreline to the Germans puts England's performance in a new light - it doesn't really as England were still terrible and today, Argentina were just as bad.

The 7.30 game was Spain v Paraguay. A shit first half can be summarised by saying that Paraguay worked incredibly hard, closing Spain down high up the pitch and Spain couldn’t string three passes together. Passing the ball to Fernando Torres was the footballing equivalent of pissing in the wind – nothing happens and you end up feeling unhappy. Paraguay in fact had the better chances without ever looking like scoring. The opening 10 minutes of the second half was all Spain until Paraguay got a free kick and tossed the ball into the mixer, where Pique grabbed Cardozo on the arm and threw him on the ground like a wrestling throw. Absolutely ridiculous and a definite penalty given away by a player who, no matter how many medals he wins for Barcelona and Spain, will always be a bit dodgy. Cardozo picked himself up and as he was waiting to take the pen, you could see fear in his face and it was no surprise to me that he missed, though it was a pretty smart stop from Casillas. Spain went straight up the other end which sparked one of the worst sequences of refereeing I think I have ever seen.

1. David Villa breaks through, gets into the penalty area and dives – the ref gives a penalty
2. Having given a penalty, it has to be a red card – the ref gives a yellow
3. Alonso takes the penalty and scores – the ref orders a re-take, there is maybe one Spain player a foot inside the box. Technically a correct decision but daft.
4. Alonso retakes and Villar saves it, Fabregas gets to the rebound first and Villar carts him up in the air for a clear penalty - ref gives a corner.

Spain were the only team who seemed intent on winning it and there was an air of inevitability about the goal which arrived on 82 minutes. Following a lovely bit of triangles between Iniesta, Fabregas and Xavi, Iniesta rolled in Pedro who hit the post with the rebound falling to Villa who curled it onto the inside of the opposite post, along the line, onto the other post and in. Paraguay had one chance when Casillas spilled a tame long effort into the path of Santa Cruz who really should have buried the rebound but his shot hit the keepers foot and Paraguay were out.

A look back at my Quarter Final predictions reveals the following:

I said – “Uruguay to beat Ghana 2-1. Could well go to extra time and deep down, I hope I’m wrong here and Ghana go through.” – Pretty close really though they won on penalties instead of with the extra time goal. There had been the predictable bellyaching about Suarez being a cheat and all that which is true but a bollocks thing to complaining about. I have to admit though, I found his parading about the pitch on the shoulders of his team mates a bit distasteful.

I said – “Brazil to beat Holland 2-0 as the Brazilians look very good when they have their full side out, which of course, they will have in this game” – Totally fucking wrong, FAILED.

I said – “Argentina to beat Germany 2-0. Like with Holland v Brazil, I can’t see the European side defending well enough to stop the South Americans scoring. The German defence looks dodgy when got at and you can be sure that Tevez, Messi and Higuain will get to it. You can also be sure that Argentina won’t defend like England did.” – Ho, ho, ho…Argentina completely defended like England did and I hang my prediction head in shame.

I said – “Spain to beat Paraguay 1-0 in a similar game to Spain v Portugal, right down to David Villa scoring the winner.” – Well I couldn’t have got his more right if I tried.

So, we have Semi Finals of Uruguay v Holland and Spain v Germany. Prediction time.

Holland to beat Uruguay 2-1. The Dutch should have enough to beat the Uruguayans but both teams are steady rather than spectacular. Both have good forward players and both are a bit dodgy at the back but I feel that Uruguay will miss Suarez up front, especially if they replace him with Abreu, who is a big immobile lump.

Germany to beat Spain on penalties. The Germans have proved that they are the best counter attacking team in the World Cup and make no mistake, Spain will have a lot of the ball and be doing most of the pressing. I anticipate Spain playing Fabregas instead of the dreadfully dreadful Torres and thus having more midfielders to counter this particular German threat. Busquets will be very important, trying to keep a lid on Ozil and Schweinsteiger and I wonder if he’s good enough to do that. Again, both defences are not all that great so it could be a case of who cracks first. Too close to call really and if it goes to penalties, you know who is going to win….

World Cup Part 15 - Look Wot You Dung!!!

Picture of Dunga often used in Brazilan Press.

FRIDAY 2nd JULY

Quarter Final Day 1 and first up was Holland v Brazil in a match that could be a classic and it could be an attack v defence training game bore. The game got what it needed in the 10th minute when Robinho latched onto a through ball and the nearest Dutch defender may as well have been in Amsterdam as he stroked it first time past Stekelenberg The rest of the first half was a case of Brazil hammering on the door and the Dutch just about keeping them out which was surprising, given that their two centre backs are ‘average’ Premier League players in Heitinga and Ooijer. Mind you, England had several ‘good’ premier League players and look where that got us. Kaka’s curled effort brought a brilliant save from Stekelenberg and right on half time, Dani Alves rolled the ball into the path of Maicon who had visions of Carlos Alberto 1970 in his eyes as he fired wide.

Having not created much at all in the first half, it was a major surprise when Holland equalised. Robben stayed on his feet and laid back to Schneijder who crossed into the box. In truth he overhit it and it was keepers ball all day long but with Julio Cesar didn’t call or Felipe Melo ignored him and the latter flicked it into the net as the keeper missed his punch. It goes down as an own goal but for me it’s a big keeper error as he gets nowhere near it. Back came Brazil and Kaka had all the time in the world to measure a sidefoot volley which drifted wide which he regretted soon after as a Robben corner was flicked on by Kuyt for Schneijder , all five foot two of him, to head home.

Remember when you were a kid and you played a team that never lost and when you beat them, they just lost their rag because they weren’t used to it? Well, Brazil found themselves behind which they hardly ever do and so Felipe Melo decided to make things even more difficult by pointlessly stamping on Robben. I know he’s annoying and he’s been diving about all game but doing that is one of the more fuckwitted things you will see at this or any World Cup. Off you go. The remaining 20 minutes were interesting in that Holland had chances to score more but ballsed up the final pass and aside from one corner which Stekelenberg missed when it sailed across the goal about three yards out, Brazil didn’t do much and so, big shock, Brazil out and Holland through. Fair play to the Dutch for a gutsy win and spare a thought for Dunga who was never the most popular with the Brazilian press anyhow. Imagine the English tabloids if he was England manager with a name like Dunga…

Uruguay versus everyone’s new favourite team in the evening match and I personally was expecting a Uruguay win as I couldn’t see Ghana putting in two performances in a row. The first half was pretty dull before springing to life in injury time, due to a 35 yarder from a player who the manager wanted to send home earlier in the tournament. Sulley Muntari picked it up just over halfway, lumbered forward a bit and let fly from miles out. Keeper Muslera took two steps to his right before watching the ball veer the other way and end up beating him to the left. This reopens the Jubulani debate again as did the Uruguay equalizer when Forlan’s free kick was heading to the near post before turning right and flying in at the far post which goalkeeper Kingson disappearing up his own arse, trying to change direction in mid air. It looked great but it’s a joke really – there is no way Forlan know the ball was going to do that and there was no chance of Kingson stopping it. In short, it was a fluke as it could have gone anywhere so we have a World Cup Quarter Final being decided on who gets lucky. A couple of chances for Suarez of Uruguay before 90 minutes was up, one into the side netting after a brilliant cross from Forlan and one tipped over by Kingson who showed good reactions to palm over.

Extra time and everyone (including Marcel Desailly) seemed to think that Ghana would tire but they were the better side throughout the extra half and hour and were pressing as we entered the 120th minute. A cross into the box, Muslera comes and flaps and the ball falls to Appiah who smashes it goalwards which Suarez somehow clears it as far as Adiya who heads goalwards where two Uruguayans try to handball it and Suarez succeeds and is duly sent off. The referee signals that it will be the last kick like something out of Ry of the Rovers and Asamoah Gyan, who has already score two penalties in the tournament, steps up and hits the bar and over. You oculd have heard a termite fart for a second before the ref blew to signal the penalty shootout.

I knew that Ghana were now going to lose and so it came to pass that despite Gyan making up for his miss, Uruguay win the shootout 4-2 with Abreu, who looks like he’s homeless, chipping the winning penalty into the middle of the net like a complete arrogant bastard. Ghana’s two misses in the shootout were bloody terrible as Mensah, the brute of a centre half, took a one pace run up and took a penalty that a five year old girl could have hit harder. Adiya’s miss was not as bad but again, he didn’t hit it hard enough to make the keeper have to do anything special – if he went the right way, he saved it. Perez missed one for Uruguay – I think he was trying to kick it back to Montevideo.

So, Holland v Uruguay in the World Cup Semi Final – you wouldn’t have bet on that. Ghana have been brilliant and England could learn a lot from them about playing as a team and having pride in the shirt. Sadly, all Ghana have picked up from the English game is how to lose penalty shootouts but they really should have gone through with the pen in the 120th minute. They must be gutted – not even England have managed to go out in that fashion. Uruguay's Suarez will get some flak for punching the ball off the line but show me a fan who'd condemn a player who did that for their own team in that situation and I'll show you a big far wobbly dangly liar.