"I will personally rip your head off"TUESDAY 6th JULY
The first semi-final was between Holland and Uruguay which is a match you would not have predicted before the tournament began. Of course, to one eyed fans in England, when we filled out our wallcharts with our predictions, this was going to be England v Brazil, a game that we didn’t think we’d win but we might because we had Rooney and Gerrard and Lampard and all the other …. Wankers. Mind you, I expect that people in Brazil thought the same thing about their side and and now think they're a bunch of whatever the Portuguese word is for ‘wankers’. Maybe the word is ‘Ronaldo’. One of the more bizarre bits of news is that Ronaldo has become a father by paying a surrogate mother. Strange, you’d think that with his looks and money he could have got laid.
Anyway, to the football and Uruguay were missing their second goalkeeper in Suarez and the Dutch were without the suspended de Jong and Van Der Wiel. De Jong missing meant that Mark Van Bommel was missing his partner in midfield thuggery so Van Bommel, possibly the dirtiest player I’ve ever seen, would have to up his crime rate.
The first half started off a bit tentatively with not much football being played. The Dutch switched the ball to the left and this was achieved by Van Bommel stepping over a pass, bound for Van Bronckhorst. The way he stepped over the pass was by lifting his foot and stamping down the shin of the nearest Uruguayan but never mind. Van Bronckhorst picked it up, one pace forward and bang, left footed from 40 yards into the opposite top corner for an absolutely stunning goal. As you know by now, my pet hate is the fucking ball but it flew straight and true this time which is great but I bet if he hit the same shot 10 times you’d get 10 different results. The Dutch then started to play and looked like they might win easily. Uruguay were hanging in there but were clearly missing the running of Suarez up front. Shorn of his strike partner, Forlan decided to sort things out on his own as he picked the ball up in the inside right channel and cut onto his weaker left foot where, hampered by no Dutch defenders closing him down, he hit it and Stekelenburg made himself as small as possible in the Dutch goal as he waved it past. A hint of Jubulani about the goal, a good strike but he really should have saved it… 1-1 at half time.
Again, the start of the second half was kind of nondescript with the Dutch lacking ideas and Uruguay lacking ambition. Three minutes decided the match though when on 70 minutes, Sneijder (who I have spelt incorrectly on every other blog entry) hit a shot from the edge of the box which got deflected into the far corner, through the legs of Van Persie who may or may not have been offside. Replays showed that one of his feet was fractionally in front of the defender but in my opinion, they were level and fair enough, the benefit should go to the attacker. Also, he didn’t actually touch it and once it took the original deflection, the keeper was toast anyhow. From their next attack, Holland worked it out to my mate Dirk on the right wing who chipped in a beautiful cross for Arjen Robben to leap, and plant a superb header into the bottom corner of the net. Game over, or was it….
Faced with elimination, Uruguay decided to attack a bit but it took until the 91st minute for them to pull one back as a neatly worked free kick move culminated in Maxi Pareira curling a left footer past Stekelenburg. Hilariously, Van Bommel then got booked for dissent after committing his 25th foul of the match and his “who, me?” face was brilliant. Sadly for Uruguay, there was no time for a frantic finale but they really can be proud of their efforts in getting this far. They have some good players in Forlan, Suarez, Arevalo and Pareira but mainly, they have a great work ethic and team spirit, a bit like France and England. The Dutch go on to their third World Cup Final and they deserve it. They have a few deficiencies in their team but they get the job done, their defence looks a bit dodgy and Van Persie, their main striker, hasn’t scored yet but Sneijder, Robben and Kuyt have been incredibly effective and Van Bommel, despite the fact he should be in prison or in a zoo, does a fantastic job anchoring the midfield and kicking people in general.
WEDNESDAY 7th JULY
Now for the match I was really looking forward to. In this World Cup I had come to accept the fact that previous hate figures had somehow become likeable. Diego Maradona had managed it through his barking mad approach and the Germans were to be admired for the way they were playing. Pundits and fans from many other countries have been queueing up to praise them for they way they have turned things around and developed a new way of playing etc. Germany being Germany though, ruin this by continually telling us how fabulous they are, firstly through Jurgen Klinsmann telling us how he and Joachim Loew changed the world and then our old mate Franz Beckenbauer telling us how Germany were efficient and always scored whereas Spain keep it for 90 minutes and don’t score. When it comes down to it, Franz and Jurgen had reaffirmed something that I had carried with me since I started watching football – I don’t like the Germans.
Spain finally gave up with Torres and benched him in favour of Pedro and the Germans replaced the suspended Muller with Trochowski who hails from North-East Germany, otherwise known as Poland – at least he speaks the same language as Podolski and Klose..
The game starts and Germany do what they did against England and Argentina in that they let the opposition have the ball. The trouble is that England and the Argies gave it back but the Spanish don’t. A lovely through ball from Pedro gives David Villa a chance but Neuer is out quickly to block. The Germans are struggling to keep the ball and the pressing of the Spanish when they do lose it is enough to make the Germans boot it long or give it away. Quarter of an hour gone and Xavi and Iniesta work a corner beautifully and Iniesta fires over a cross and Puyol tries to break the net with his header but it flies over the bar. Soon after, Germany manage to launch a counter attack which is of course, the one tactic they have but it’s ruined by a sloppy Podolski pass behind Ozil but in general, it’s still all Spain with Ramos and Xabi Alonso firing wide when well placed.
On the half hour, Germany manage their first shot with Trochowski forcing a save from Casillas and not a lot happens until Ozil falls in a heap on the edge of the box and nothing is given despite frantic penalty appeals. To be fair, it was a foul by Ramos but outside the box. Half time and 0-0 with Spain having all the possession and nothing to show for it. The Germans have been disappointing with very little being seen of Schweinsteiger and Ozil, their two players who make things happen.
The second half started with two decent but wide efforts from Alonso before Loew made a strange substitution, removing Boateng and replacing him with Jansen, who has looked like a shocking player whenever I’ve seen him, OK going forward but terrible defensively and he’s gone to left back.. More Spanish pressure with Pedro and Iniesta to the fore and David Villa looking the man most likely but it’s still not happening.
All the pretty football and all the possession and how to Spain take the lead ? Xavi fires a croner straight into the mixer and Puyol gets a run on it and smashes it in with his head – which defender lost him ? – Marcell Jansen. The ball hits the back of the net and bounces out back to Neuer – can’t pretend that one wasn’t in pal… I bet it crossed his mind though.
Loew and behold, Germany start showing ambition and are forcing Spain back now in much the same way Uruguay did to Holland once they went behind. I really hope they bloody lose now. Torres comes on for Spain and all Germany have got left is Mario Gomez who won the "Golden Turd Award for the Worst Striker at Euro 2008". He had a clear run at this award as England, and therefore Emile Heskey, didn't qualify. Spain should have wrapped it up as a Xavi pass sets Pedro free. It’s a 2 vs 1 break with Torres screaming for a pass but Pedro pisses about with it and lets the one defender get a tackle in – greedy bastard.
And so the game fizzles out as the Germans really don’t have too much to offer in terms of chasing the game. Spain just keep the ball and the time gets eaten up without much of a threat on their goal. It ends and the best team won and they really were the best team, by a mile. They could have won 4-0 and it wouldn’t have flattered them. As for Germany - well they were brilliant ad clinical against teams who had no defensive discipline (England, Argentina, Australia) but they didn't have a plan to play against teams who don't over commit (Serbia, Spain). Needless to say, they bloody will have sussed it out by the time Euro 2012 comes around but for now, lets rejoice in the fact that they are not the finished article, yet. I know they're light years ahead of England but lets be thankful for small mercies. Bye Franz and enjoy the most pointless match in World football - the 3rd Place Playoff.
So the final is between Holland and Spain and I only really see one winner. The Dutch destruction duo of De Jong and Van Bommanimal have to get the better of Xavi and Iniesta in order to get Sneijder and Robben on the ball but I can’t honestly see anyone getting the better of the Spanish pair. If Robben in particular, gets on the ball and gets to run at Capdevila then the Dutch may have some joy but they have to make the most of any possession they have to get at the Spanish defence, in which Pique is dodgy and Casillas has looked unsure. As for the Dutch defence – well I can’t see them coping with Villa but will Spain play two up or will they play one of Pedro or Fabregas, just behind Villa. As usual, you can’t see Spain scoring too many as they piss about up front too much but I’m sure they’ll get one and it’ll be the one that wins them the World Cup. Spain 1 Holland 0 is the prediction.
The first semi-final was between Holland and Uruguay which is a match you would not have predicted before the tournament began. Of course, to one eyed fans in England, when we filled out our wallcharts with our predictions, this was going to be England v Brazil, a game that we didn’t think we’d win but we might because we had Rooney and Gerrard and Lampard and all the other …. Wankers. Mind you, I expect that people in Brazil thought the same thing about their side and and now think they're a bunch of whatever the Portuguese word is for ‘wankers’. Maybe the word is ‘Ronaldo’. One of the more bizarre bits of news is that Ronaldo has become a father by paying a surrogate mother. Strange, you’d think that with his looks and money he could have got laid.
Anyway, to the football and Uruguay were missing their second goalkeeper in Suarez and the Dutch were without the suspended de Jong and Van Der Wiel. De Jong missing meant that Mark Van Bommel was missing his partner in midfield thuggery so Van Bommel, possibly the dirtiest player I’ve ever seen, would have to up his crime rate.
The first half started off a bit tentatively with not much football being played. The Dutch switched the ball to the left and this was achieved by Van Bommel stepping over a pass, bound for Van Bronckhorst. The way he stepped over the pass was by lifting his foot and stamping down the shin of the nearest Uruguayan but never mind. Van Bronckhorst picked it up, one pace forward and bang, left footed from 40 yards into the opposite top corner for an absolutely stunning goal. As you know by now, my pet hate is the fucking ball but it flew straight and true this time which is great but I bet if he hit the same shot 10 times you’d get 10 different results. The Dutch then started to play and looked like they might win easily. Uruguay were hanging in there but were clearly missing the running of Suarez up front. Shorn of his strike partner, Forlan decided to sort things out on his own as he picked the ball up in the inside right channel and cut onto his weaker left foot where, hampered by no Dutch defenders closing him down, he hit it and Stekelenburg made himself as small as possible in the Dutch goal as he waved it past. A hint of Jubulani about the goal, a good strike but he really should have saved it… 1-1 at half time.
Again, the start of the second half was kind of nondescript with the Dutch lacking ideas and Uruguay lacking ambition. Three minutes decided the match though when on 70 minutes, Sneijder (who I have spelt incorrectly on every other blog entry) hit a shot from the edge of the box which got deflected into the far corner, through the legs of Van Persie who may or may not have been offside. Replays showed that one of his feet was fractionally in front of the defender but in my opinion, they were level and fair enough, the benefit should go to the attacker. Also, he didn’t actually touch it and once it took the original deflection, the keeper was toast anyhow. From their next attack, Holland worked it out to my mate Dirk on the right wing who chipped in a beautiful cross for Arjen Robben to leap, and plant a superb header into the bottom corner of the net. Game over, or was it….
Faced with elimination, Uruguay decided to attack a bit but it took until the 91st minute for them to pull one back as a neatly worked free kick move culminated in Maxi Pareira curling a left footer past Stekelenburg. Hilariously, Van Bommel then got booked for dissent after committing his 25th foul of the match and his “who, me?” face was brilliant. Sadly for Uruguay, there was no time for a frantic finale but they really can be proud of their efforts in getting this far. They have some good players in Forlan, Suarez, Arevalo and Pareira but mainly, they have a great work ethic and team spirit, a bit like France and England. The Dutch go on to their third World Cup Final and they deserve it. They have a few deficiencies in their team but they get the job done, their defence looks a bit dodgy and Van Persie, their main striker, hasn’t scored yet but Sneijder, Robben and Kuyt have been incredibly effective and Van Bommel, despite the fact he should be in prison or in a zoo, does a fantastic job anchoring the midfield and kicking people in general.
WEDNESDAY 7th JULY
Now for the match I was really looking forward to. In this World Cup I had come to accept the fact that previous hate figures had somehow become likeable. Diego Maradona had managed it through his barking mad approach and the Germans were to be admired for the way they were playing. Pundits and fans from many other countries have been queueing up to praise them for they way they have turned things around and developed a new way of playing etc. Germany being Germany though, ruin this by continually telling us how fabulous they are, firstly through Jurgen Klinsmann telling us how he and Joachim Loew changed the world and then our old mate Franz Beckenbauer telling us how Germany were efficient and always scored whereas Spain keep it for 90 minutes and don’t score. When it comes down to it, Franz and Jurgen had reaffirmed something that I had carried with me since I started watching football – I don’t like the Germans.
Spain finally gave up with Torres and benched him in favour of Pedro and the Germans replaced the suspended Muller with Trochowski who hails from North-East Germany, otherwise known as Poland – at least he speaks the same language as Podolski and Klose..
The game starts and Germany do what they did against England and Argentina in that they let the opposition have the ball. The trouble is that England and the Argies gave it back but the Spanish don’t. A lovely through ball from Pedro gives David Villa a chance but Neuer is out quickly to block. The Germans are struggling to keep the ball and the pressing of the Spanish when they do lose it is enough to make the Germans boot it long or give it away. Quarter of an hour gone and Xavi and Iniesta work a corner beautifully and Iniesta fires over a cross and Puyol tries to break the net with his header but it flies over the bar. Soon after, Germany manage to launch a counter attack which is of course, the one tactic they have but it’s ruined by a sloppy Podolski pass behind Ozil but in general, it’s still all Spain with Ramos and Xabi Alonso firing wide when well placed.
On the half hour, Germany manage their first shot with Trochowski forcing a save from Casillas and not a lot happens until Ozil falls in a heap on the edge of the box and nothing is given despite frantic penalty appeals. To be fair, it was a foul by Ramos but outside the box. Half time and 0-0 with Spain having all the possession and nothing to show for it. The Germans have been disappointing with very little being seen of Schweinsteiger and Ozil, their two players who make things happen.
The second half started with two decent but wide efforts from Alonso before Loew made a strange substitution, removing Boateng and replacing him with Jansen, who has looked like a shocking player whenever I’ve seen him, OK going forward but terrible defensively and he’s gone to left back.. More Spanish pressure with Pedro and Iniesta to the fore and David Villa looking the man most likely but it’s still not happening.
All the pretty football and all the possession and how to Spain take the lead ? Xavi fires a croner straight into the mixer and Puyol gets a run on it and smashes it in with his head – which defender lost him ? – Marcell Jansen. The ball hits the back of the net and bounces out back to Neuer – can’t pretend that one wasn’t in pal… I bet it crossed his mind though.
Loew and behold, Germany start showing ambition and are forcing Spain back now in much the same way Uruguay did to Holland once they went behind. I really hope they bloody lose now. Torres comes on for Spain and all Germany have got left is Mario Gomez who won the "Golden Turd Award for the Worst Striker at Euro 2008". He had a clear run at this award as England, and therefore Emile Heskey, didn't qualify. Spain should have wrapped it up as a Xavi pass sets Pedro free. It’s a 2 vs 1 break with Torres screaming for a pass but Pedro pisses about with it and lets the one defender get a tackle in – greedy bastard.
And so the game fizzles out as the Germans really don’t have too much to offer in terms of chasing the game. Spain just keep the ball and the time gets eaten up without much of a threat on their goal. It ends and the best team won and they really were the best team, by a mile. They could have won 4-0 and it wouldn’t have flattered them. As for Germany - well they were brilliant ad clinical against teams who had no defensive discipline (England, Argentina, Australia) but they didn't have a plan to play against teams who don't over commit (Serbia, Spain). Needless to say, they bloody will have sussed it out by the time Euro 2012 comes around but for now, lets rejoice in the fact that they are not the finished article, yet. I know they're light years ahead of England but lets be thankful for small mercies. Bye Franz and enjoy the most pointless match in World football - the 3rd Place Playoff.
So the final is between Holland and Spain and I only really see one winner. The Dutch destruction duo of De Jong and Van Bommanimal have to get the better of Xavi and Iniesta in order to get Sneijder and Robben on the ball but I can’t honestly see anyone getting the better of the Spanish pair. If Robben in particular, gets on the ball and gets to run at Capdevila then the Dutch may have some joy but they have to make the most of any possession they have to get at the Spanish defence, in which Pique is dodgy and Casillas has looked unsure. As for the Dutch defence – well I can’t see them coping with Villa but will Spain play two up or will they play one of Pedro or Fabregas, just behind Villa. As usual, you can’t see Spain scoring too many as they piss about up front too much but I’m sure they’ll get one and it’ll be the one that wins them the World Cup. Spain 1 Holland 0 is the prediction.
It's horrible when Germany lose.
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