Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Premier League Match 17 - Southampton 3 Everton 0


I am a Genius - Just Accept it!

If truth be told I’m not wildly optimistic about this visit from Everton.  We’re up to our arses in injuries and suspensions and n a losing streak numbering 5.  For 3 of those games we played pretty well but we’ve added ‘playing badly’ into the mix in the last 2 games which were two shitty 1-0 defeats to Burnley and Sheffield United.  The injury and suspension list sees us without Dusan Tadic, Morgan and Big Vic from the regular starting XI and without Florin Gardos and Jack Cork from the match day 18 so I’m not expecting too much.

Everton have been very up and down this season as the Martinez effect takes hold.  In quite a long spell at Wigan he played attractive football but his teams couldn’t defend for shit and though they won the FA Cup, they eventually got relegated.  He inherited a David Moyes Everton side that were very solid defensively and one season was not enough to demolish that.  This year though has been a year too far – Sylvain Distin is still in the team at the age of 52 and they have full backs who spend all their time attacking and are not great at defending in Baines and Coleman.  Baines in particular is one of the new breed of full backs who wouldn’t know a tackle if it smacked them in the face.  In goal is the comedy bearded Tim Howard who won rave reviews in the World Cup but this season seems to have spent the whole season sat on his arse in the net as the ball flies past him. They have some serious talent going forward though with the beast Lukaku and the freakishly talented Ross Barkley who was shite down here last year but seems to have hit a bit of form recently.  I’m not too bothered that Kevin Mirallas in injured as on his day he is the kind of player who can tear you a new one.

In the car on the way to the game they announce the team on Radio Solent and they’re all in a flap as they can’t work out where everyone will be playing.  The main problem for Big Dave The Legend Merrington and the other goons is that we have all three of Alderweireld, Fonte and Yoshida playing and no wingers as such as Sadio Mané has been left on the bench along with Sam McQueen, Dominic Gape, Ryan Seager, Jason McCarthy and Matt Targett.  Those 5 have an average age of about 14.  Harrison Reed is starting in midfield and Graziano Pellè and Steve Davis are fit and thank God for that.  I thought it was pretty obvious that Toby would be in midfield alongside Reed and Davis but I and the Radio Solent goons were completely wrong.  As the game kicked off it looked like we were playing 4-4-2 with Maya at left back, Ryan Bertrand in front of him and JWP on the right.  After the first bomb up the wing by Bertrand and Toby Alderweireld seeming to pull Maya over towards him, it became clear that we were playing 3 at the back with wing backs.  Well this will be interesting.  Not since the Alan Ball managerial days with Tommy Widdrington playing sweeper have I seen us play this formation.

Predictably, Everton start with a lot of possession and we look a little bit panicky but overall, we look solid enough as Everton pass the ball about in front of us.  The first incident of note is Shane Long being played in.  Jagielka is covering but he’s got behind Distin who uses his zimmer frame to just barge into him.  It’s a clear foul and the linesman who is right next to it flags for it but in his wisdom, Jon Moss is looking straight at it but decided not to give it.  The crowd are incensed a minute later as Long again goes to ground under the challenge of Besic.  This is less clear cut but they often get given (especially at Arsenal when their circus dwarves get knocked over) but the fat guy with the whistle and the red face again gives nothing. 

We are trying to exploit the fact that Everton’s full backs are always up the wing and that Baines in particular, cannot defend for shit.  A Davis diagonal ball finds Clyne in the space wherer Baines should have been and his cross is onto the head of Pellè who can’t keep it down.  Should have done better really.

The next ball up to Long sees him again tangle with Besic who clearly takes a kick at him when he’s on the ground.  Again, Moss is looking straight at it but again he does nothing.  Players get sent off for less than that in some games but it’s play on today.  Eto’o then goes down injured – his wallet has probably fallen on his foot.  Everton are attacking and want to play on and the ref lets them.  They could kick it out and get  treatment for Eto’o but they don’t and Barkley eventually shoots low and it’s smothered by Forster who is then told by the ref to kick it out so Eto’o can get treatment.  To clarify – if we’d been attacking he would have stopped the game but as they were, he let it go on.  Predictably, there was nothing wrong with Eto’o anyway.

We have the ball in the net as a lofted ball forwards again finds Everton’s full backs absent and Distin and Jagielka all over the place.  Long is penalised for not a lot and knocks it back to Pellè who puts it away well but the flag’s long been up.  On 37 minutes though, JWP slings in a cross which Everton clear and Naismith manages to whack it straight up into the air.  Jagielka is under it and waiting for it to come down but as it does, Long nips in and Jagielka, who doesn;lt take his eye off the ball, clearly volleys him up in the air.  Needless to say, the useless fat twat with the whistle doesn’t give a penalty so he has to give a goal kick… no, he’s given a corner which is a true indication that he hasn’t got a clue.

It’s corner time again and I’m not expecting much but JWP slings it over into a good area, Jose Fonte goes up and get the fuck in there, the net bulges.  José is under a pile of bodies but the replays show that he comes on over the top of Lukaku who is the one who has headed it past his own keeper and added his name to the Alcaraz, Coleman list from last year.

It’s nearly 2-0 before half time as Bertrand and Long work a nice 1-2 down the left and Bertrand’s cross is met by Pellè in front of the near post but he can only turn it into the side netting with much typically over-demonstrative Italian gesticulating and it’s amusing how the first swear word that comes out is ‘fuck’, no matter what your native language is.

Half time and it’s a very decent 1-0 to us. Everton have created nothing and the new formation is working well. Harrison Reed is patrolling well in front of the back 4 and winning the ball back regularly and keeping it simple once he’s got it.  He’s bouncing off of tackles occasionally due to being physically slight but overall it’s a great debut so far.

The start of the second half was quite cagey with no one really putting any decent stuff together. Martinez had however, done absolutely nothing to solve the major problem he had which was Shane Long running Jagielka and especially the pensioner Distin ragged. Barkley was looking the most threatening Everton player but was too wide to really make things happen.  When he gets on the ball though it’s hard to get it off him as he’s a bit Big Vic-like with his upper body strength.  Hodgson has got to get him in that England side.

One player who needs to be got out of the England side is Leighton Baines.  If he’s not fucking about with his hair then he’s proving once again that he can’t defend as Clyney takes him on and there’s no way that Baines should allow the cross to come in but it does.  Long gets up above both Coleman and Jagielka who are both taller than him and nods down to where Pellè swivels and knocks it past Howard for 2-0.

To be fair, Everton don’t look like they know how to get back into this and there’s no movement on the bench which is surprising as what they have out on the pitch is achieving nothing.  They do however have a shithouse of a referee to rely on and they get given a cheap free kick as Davis perfectly tackles Eto’o who is not even appealing for a foul but he gets given one anyway.  Everton proved that even at Christmas they can’t accepts presents as they take it short to Besic who just curls a cross out of play in shit fashion.

Besic is one of few Everton players who is at least putting a shift in but it’s not going well for him as he brings down Reed as he burst past him.  JWP is right on the money with the set piece delivery and it lands perfectly on the head of José Fonte who thumps the header down but Tourette Tim gets down well to fuck shit wank push it away.

A minor blip on the day is provided when José launches one of his Portuguese Man of War tackles on the edge of our box and trashes Barkley as he cut in.  A 5th yellow card and a free kick to Evberton right on the edge of the box and Barkley manages to hit the wall.  He took it because Baines was doing his hair.  Everton made a chance for themselves soon after as Lukaku cut on from the right and  pinged in a left footed shot towards the far post but Fraser took off and clawed it away.  It was a bit ‘one for the cameras’ but the Big Man did well.

The first substitution is not by the side that are 2-0 down and the knackered JWP is off to be replaced by Targett who goes to Left Wing Back with Bertrand moving into midfield.  We win a corner which was always going to happen once JWP, source of our only good dead ball deliveries all season, had gone off.  Steve Davis’ delvery is half cleared to Yoshida to pushes it back out to Davis.  Instead of using his left foot like he should, he curls in a perfect ball with the outside of his right and Maya storms in to thump a header past Fuck Shit Tim and into the net for 3-0.  The big screen replay proved that in fact he’s thumped it into the net with his shoulder but Maya doesn’t care and nor do we.  It’s always great when you get unusual goalscorers – where’s Mayuka?  Oh yes, he’s not even on the bench.

It’s nearly 4-0 in the last minute as Pellè knocks down and Bertrand forces his way into the box before seeing the ball skew off his boot as he fell and go wide.  Dominic Gape comes on for Shane Long who gets a deserved standing ovation and he looks neat and tidy and along with Reed and Hesketh, gives us 3 new central midfielders out of the academy who are less that 5 foot 2 each.

The final action of the game is Lukaku getting through but Fraser is not letting the clean sheet go and blocks bravely at his feet.  Love it – have that, full time, 3-0. Rumours of our demise have been greatly exaggerated.
What I loved about his game more than anything else is that it proved that Ronald Koeman is a genius. A fundamental switch in formation and we were superb.  Everyone knew what they were doing and it worked perfectly.  The three at the back covered everything superbly.  I know José is the captain but Toby Alderweired was the main man back there, always talking and pulling players into the correct position.  Maya is always going to be a player who gives you a few ;shit yourself; moments but he was solid as you like today and was very quickly out to the left wing if Everton got behind Bertrand.  The full backs were magnificent in the amount of work they did and if Hodgson can’t see that Bertrand is better than Baines then he needs to give his head a wobble.  The midfield three were superb with Harry reed having an exceptional debut and Steve Davis giving his usual all action display.  JWP seemed to take 20 minutes to get intot he game but once he did he never wasted a pass and there’s the added bonus of his set piece delivery which today was spot on. And finally…. We had two strikers with Long playing in his best position against 2 centre backs who aren’t the quickest.  The second goal illustrated how important this was… in our usual formation, only Pellè would have been in the box when the cross came over so he would have had to head for goal or would have nodded it down, probably to no one.

Roberto Martinez came out with the assertion that there was nothing between the sides, just that Saints defended the six yard box better.  Who’s he trying to kid?  Everton were pretty much thumped today and the side he picked just didn’t work.  Eto’o and Naismith did nothing and Barkley was stuck out on the left, neither tracking back much or getting enough ball to make a difference going forward.  The very pedestrian Barry didn’t seem to achieve much in midfield and just got ran out of it but I can’t believe that with subs of the ability of McGeady, Pienaar, Stones and  Koné, Martinez didn’t see fit to try and fix any of the glaring flaws.  The more I think about it the madder it is… leaving the pensioner ex-Skate super slo-mo Distin on the pitch when he’s getting annihilated, when you have Stones on the bench.

Anyway, the win takes a bit of pressure off and puts us in good spirit for a ridiculous run of fixtures starting with Crystal Palace away on Boxing Day.  That’ll be a tough game as any game against a Neil Warnock side is.  I’m hoping that the in-form Yannick Bolasie and Mile Jedinak are off to the African Cup of Nations and Asia Cup respectively and not available.  It’s a shame that José Fonte is suspended for the return to his former club but Florin Gardos is back if Ronald want to stay with 3 at the back and the with the returning Big Vic and Morgan, we certainly have more options, which of course include Harrison Reed.  Now he’s played and done well, he’ll certainly get more minutes on the pitch.

Merry Christmas one and all.


Come On You Saints….  

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