World Cup 2014 Part 7 - Bye Bye Ronaldo and Capello's Laser Treatment

Odd Face Paint

26/6/14

Group G – Portugal 2 Ghana 1

Like their playoff final against Sweden, this was always going to be about how many goal Ronaldo could score to carry this relatively poor Portuguese side through.  Hampered by injuries though, you could see he was going to struggle despite still being the best player on the pitch regardless.  Ronaldo hit the bar with a chip and then hit the keeper with a point blank header which saw the keeper celebrating in the way that scorers of winning goals do.  Eventually they took the lead and it was hilarious.  Veloso went down the left wing and crossed and the amusingly named John Boye took time off from appearing in The Waltons to brilliantly slice into his own net.  Great finish.  The lead lasted until 10 minutes after half time when Kwadwo Asamoah curled in an amazing cross with the outside of his boot and Asamoah Gyan thumped a header into the net.  Suddenly Ghana had a chance to qualify but the keeper fucked it up for them by patting a cross down into the centre of a penalty are in much the same way that an 11 year old would do and Ronaldo wasn’t going to miss from there.  2-1 to Portugal and you’re both going out.

Group G – USA 0 Germany 1

There’s not a lot to like about this match.  On the one hand you have Ze Germans and everything about them and on the other you have Jurgen Klinsmann.  Ze Germans started the better of the two sides and the Yanks didn’t shake them out of their stride at all but still reached half time at 0-0.  On 55 minutes Mertesacker got a header in which Tourette Tim parried out and before he could say ‘fuck shit bollocks twat’, Thomas Muller rocketed a perfect sidefoot finish past him from the edge of the box to make it 1-0.  You sensed there and then that that was going to be game over.  The Yanks created a couple of half chances as the game wore but nothing of note really and so ze Germans went through as top of the group and because Portugal failed to hump Ghana out of sight, the USA went through as well.  If I’m honest I would have preferred Ghana to go through in this group but I guess the Americans making it is marginally preferable to Ronaldo. Just.

Group H – Algeria 1 Russia 1

Russia and Capello have been bloody tedious in this competition.  They should have got through easily but were relying on beating Algeria.  They took the lead on 6 minutes as Kokorin headed in but couldn’t finish the game off.  They were knocking on the door in the second half but they had an Achilles heel in the hapless Akinfeev in goal who had made such a bollocks of the South Korea game.  This time he came for a cross, got nowhere near it and it was bundled in by ????  TV pictures later proved that someone was shining a green laser on the keepers face as the cross came in which is a bit of a bastard thing to do and it’s also a bit of a waste of effort with this keeper as the chances are that he’s going to drop it anyway.  So, out go the Russians and Capello of course made a load of noise about the laser on the keeper etc.  I’d say that no wins in three games is more of an issue as one of the greatest managers in club football, proved for the second World Cup running that he doesn’t do international football.

Group H - South Korea 0 Belgium 1

This was a tedious game only made slightly interested when Defour managed to get himself sent off for Belgium for a shin-scraping high tackle.  Ten man Belgium wre still too good for the South Korean’s who stood no chance of repeating their 2002 heroics with hometown referees.  They hit the bar in the first half and had a couple of near things but nowhere near enough and Belgium duly won it with 10 minutes to go when lively substitute Origi had a shot parried and Jan Vertonghen was there to knock it in the net.  Belgium though as group winners, South Korea going home.