Sorry Colin, You Can't Come In !!!
Off to Leeds for another one of these bloody annoying 5.20 kick offs so the watching Sky audience can get their fix. Does the average Sky punter give a shit about the Championship? I wonder what the viewing figures are for this slot as opposed to the Sunday 4pm slot. I could probably look that up but I can’t be arsed. So, to Leeds and their new manager Neil Warnock. This would have been a difficult game anyway but in my opinion, it’s more difficult now. Like him or loath him (I mainly favour the latter), he is a decent manager at this level and his teams are never easy to beat. This team of his will be trying to impress the new manager as well.
My mate the moronic Chuckle Brother at St Mary’s, with his penchant for spoonerisms would no doubt call him Wheel Nornock or something as equally devastatingly funny but there is only corruption for Warnock’s which is worth the time of day name is of course an anagram which he picked up many years ago at Plymouth I believe.... Colin Wanker. Colin has come out in the pre-match interviews and said lots of nice things about Saints and the way we play which on the face of it is nice but it doesn’t make him any more likeable.
A question mark for us is whether Adam Lallana will have recovered from the groin injury he picked up last week courtesy of the pitch at Sacacens Rugby Club. He’s a doubt but the word is that Sir Rickie is fine and will be in the starting XI today. It’s been a quiet week with a load of international friendlies with Tadanari Lee’s 20 minute appearance for Japan being our only involvement. The Skates have had a quiet week as well... quiet on new owners, quiet on clubs wanting to take Kanu and Ben Haim on loan and quiet as the tumbleweeds blow around the PFC bank account. I don’t care what anyone says though – all this bleating about not being able to finish the season is just a line to try and get the League to cut them some slack. Their situation in dire but they’ll finish the season regardless and it’ll be up to us to beat them at SMS when the time comes.
The perceived wisdom before the game was that Tadanari Lee wouldn’t play as he’d been racking up air miles going to play for Japan during the week. He started the game though and the only change elsewhere was Punch coming in for Adam Lallana who didn’t quite make it. Dan Harding took Punch’s regular place on the bench and Guly was preferred to David Connolly on the bench, having got over his bout of whatever it is that means you can’t play when it’s cold. Colin had stamped his mark on Leeds team selection, recalling non-footballer Michael Brown who is a horrible player but we shouldn’t worry too much because he has no discernable footballing ability. Up front they have Luciano Becchio who is a bit theatrical but he can be a right handful when he fancies it.
I am parked in front of the computer with my “Say no to Sky” internet stream and away we go. Colin obviously had his team right up for it as they’re all over us from the first whistle, being aided by our failure to keep the ball. We have a major scare on 4 minutes as Snodgrass skins both Richardson and Bald Psycho and his cross hits Fonte who happened to have his hands up high as he was making sure his hair was in the right place. Looks like a penalty, smells like a penalty, ref gives a corner and no Leeds players really complained, unlike Colin who is going forehead-vein-popping mental. We’re lucky to get away with that one.
Becchio is having one of those games where he is putting in some effort and he’s a right awkward bastard, giving Jose and Jos no peace at all. Morgan is trying to stem the tide in midfield but he’s not being helped by Chappers, Corky and Punch who all get on the ball before doing the hot potato and giving it away again. It’s pretty poor stuff and then out of nowhere, we score. Neat play by Chappers and Frazer sends Corky away on the right and his cross into the box is headed back by Chung. Sir Rickie has pulled away from O’Dea and absolutely smashes a volley past Lonergan and it’s a tribute to whoever made the nets that they didn’t break.
After that brief respite, we’re back to total Leeds domination with McCormack firing one in on the volley from the edge of the box. It’s one of those where he hits it well and you’re just waiting for the net to bulge but thankfully it’s just wide. McCormack is being a major pain a few minutes later as well as he finds space behind Fox and whips in a cross which Becchio throws himself at but Superkelv is up to the task and grabs it on the line. Roll up, roll up for another go as Snodgrass again torments the right hand side of our team and curls one just wide of the far post. The most remarkable thing about this is that it virtually went over the right foot of the totally left footed White at the back post but he didn’t seem to make an effort at it. It’s your right foot mate, it’s on the end of your right leg! Totally one footed footballers are one of my pet hates but it’s always nice when the opposition have one.
The cameras on the internet stream I’m watching seem to be showing two things, Leeds bombarding our goal and Colin ranting at anyone who is near. 4th officials are a relatively new thing so I wonder who Colin ranted at before 4th officials were invented. Sit down Colin, you knob.
Miraculously we’ve got to half time with our lead intact but Nigel is obviously not happy with things and makes two changes with Deano coming on for Punch (who has been anonymous to be fair) and more surprisingly, Guly coming on for Chung which is odd because in my opinion, this is exactly the kind of game in which Guly won’t do anything.
The changes and the half time team-talk mean that for the first 15 seconds of the 2nd half we are fine and then Snodgrass is down the wing again and crossing for Becchio to fire over the bar. I’m sensing it’s going to be 45 minutes of carnage and not in a good way. The decent football that Leeds are playing is all too much for Michael Brown who needs to get involved as he’s not contributing anything to the actual football that Leeds are playing. He has an opportunity to leave a mark on Jack Cork so of course he takes it. He’s quite good as it because he hasn’t elbowed him but kind of shoulder barged him in the head. I hate to admit it but it’s kind of clever. Not so clever is Paul Connolly who trashes Chappers standing leg after he’s passed the ball. Dirty Leeds are back.
We are forced into making our third sub a lot earlier than we would have wanted to as Fox hobbles off with a groin problem and is replaced with Harding who immediately is called up to defend in the air and does his usual and turns his back as he gets brushed off. Leeds bring on ex-Skate Danny Webber for the ex-Skate non-footballer and this makes them even more attack minded as well as giving them 11 players who know what to do when they have the ball.
Superkelv for once causes his own problems as he comes for a high ball and clatters into Jos. The ball loops up to Becchio who attempts to slide it into the empty net but Superkelv is back to block it before clawing away the rebound before Becchio can shoot again. Before anyone can draw breath, Becchio creates a chance for Webber which the Skate fires straight at Superkelv who throws up a hand and tips it over the bar.
We manage at this point to get the ball up the other end of the pitch but all this means is that Leeds can start their attacks from deeper as a big welly up the pitch by Lonergan is allowed to bounce and Webber gets another shot in which Superkelv saves low to his left. We then have an effort which is worth mentioning as Sir Rickie picks up a throw in and just lashes in a shot which is deflected for a corner.
I’m getting the feeling that it will be a 94th minute equalizer but it nearly comes earlier as a Becchio flick across falls in between Superkelv and Frazer who is facing his own goal with a decision to make. Either a) hoof it for a corner, b) hoof it in our own net or c) try some wanky back heel and miss the ball. He chose c) of course and in the resulting melee, Webber managed to scoop the ball wide as we all piled in.
As Leeds begin to tire we get some more time on the ball and actually create another chance as Sir Rickie curls in a shot from the left of the box which Lonergan shovels wide for a corner. The corner is headed goalwards by Guly to Sir Rickie who tries to tee up the Brazilian before it’s hacked clear by one of Colin’s defenders.
Then came the moment that defines the game when there was a ridiculous bundle in our penalty area in which both Becchio and O’Dea hit the bar with headers and Saints had all 11 players in the six yard box trying to block the ball which squirted out to Lees about 10 yards out but his effort was blocked by Big Jos. Together as one… bloody right.
Saints mounted one last attack as a time wasting exercise and Chappers and Sir Rickie worked an opening which Chappers smashed wide and as far away from the pitch as possible. Goal kick, final whistle!!! What a win!
All the players mobbed Superkelv and the TV quite clearly picked up Colin saying “Don’t know how you fucking won that” as he went to shake Nigel’s hand. The cameras had gone and missed Nigel’s reply which was “we scored and you didn’t and we are together as one and on the bus which we parked in front of our goal”. Seriously though, to paraphrase Colin, how the fuck did we win that? If I was a Leeds fan, I’d be a Northern Bastard but I’d also be completely gutted. Leeds played really well but they came up against a goalkeeper who was inspired and a defence which creaked but just wouldn’t give way. They were also guilty of course of giving the keeper a chance to save shots that he really shouldn’t have got near with virtually all the Leeds attacking players being guilty of not being clinical at one time or another. For us it was a triumph of substance over style as we never got going at all but teams that do well need a combination of things, effective football, commitment and sometimes – being lucky bastards.
The theme of the day appears to be ‘robbery’. Leeds were robbed by us which is retribution for Ken Bates ticket prices of £36 for away supporters. Serves you right Dick Turpin. As I said earlier, I watched the game on an internet stream on my computer. This is better than nothing of course but the definition is not good enough to watch it on fullscreen and even on the small screen, the camera switching from close up to long range causes the screen to pixellate for a few seconds and make your eyes go funny. Could the people who illegally provide this service please sort it out as I have a headache.
Superkelv was man of the match by a landslide and deservedly so – he had the game of his life today and any of Antii Niemi, Tim Flowers or even the great Shilts would have been proud of that display. Winning is really all that matters but we were poor today and we’ll be unlikely to get away with a performance like that again for the rest of the season. Leeds were decent though and will maybe take points off our promotion rivals as the season goes on. The top of table at the moment makes it look like a 3 horse race for the 2 automatic promotion slots between ourselves, West Ham and Reading (who both had decent away wins today). Leeds have to play both these teams.
Next up is a home game and I have no need for lo-res internet streams as we are at SMS playing Ipswich and the King of Porn Paul Jewell who as you know, always shoots his films in high definition wide screen. In my mind, Ipswich are a bit similar to Leicester in that they have the squad to be near the top of the league but have underperformed and we all know what Leicester did to us as SMS earlier in the season. However, we’re in a much better shape now than we were then and we’ve learnt how to defend a lead with our revolutionary new 11-0-0 formation. Try that on FIFA 12.
Bring it on….
Lets all laugh at Colin !!!!
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