Premier League Match 35 - Nottingham Forest 4 Southampton 3

Quick Lads, Just Another 2 Goals and 10 Points needed in 4 minutes

With 10 games to go, I looked at the Games against West Ham, Palace, Bournemouth and today’s game at Nottingham Forest and said that we would need 10 points from those four games to have a chance of staying up. As we have the grand total of fuck all from the first three of those games, I guess we need 10 points today. It’s even worse than it sounds because in those three games against very limited opposition, we haven’t even scored a goal so the omens are not good for today as we take on a Forest side two places and six points above us. It is absolutely bizarre that if we win this game today, we could actually be within three points of four other teams. Everything suggests that we won’t win, however.

The main thing that suggests we won’t win, apart from our form against the weakest sides, is the manager who has in those games, not even been brave enough to pick one striker.  Will the handbrake finally come off today? Has anyone at the club actually realised that we have to win this one?  Selles himself still seems to be completely deluded that things are going okay and that we are building towards getting decent results. At the rate we are improving I would say we will start getting some decent results in about 2027, by which time we will be in the National League South.  Whilst that may seem far-fetched, Selles saying that he intends to be Saints manager for 10 years means that it’s probably a lot more realistic than you would think. Please. God. No.

Elsewhere in Relegationland, Leeds have appointed Sam Allardyce and he presided over his first of four games on Saturday and they were beaten 2–1 at Manchester City. If ever a scoreline doesn’t reflect the game then it’s this because if Manchester City hadn’t been playing Real Madrid in the Champions League on Tuesday and weren’t clearly just doing enough to get over the line today, they would’ve won by six or seven because whatever Fat Sam would have you believe, Leeds were shite and I still have them as favourites to go down with us.

Even if we win today I still don’t think we will have a prayer of staying up because we have to string some results together which we haven’t done for a year and a half but a win today would make it very interesting down the bottom. Forest know that if they win this then there will be one team definitely going down – us, and they will be halfway safe. Lose this and their last three games will suddenly look much more difficult, and they will really be in the shit.  As the game drew near, results from earlier in the day came in with Leicester getting smashed 5-3 at Fulham and Brighton phoning it in against Everton and allowing Everton a mind-bending 5-1 win thanks to some hideous defending.

Saints team news arrived and for once, I’m not wondering who on earth is where and why there are random names involved.  Macca in goal, KWP and AMN at full backs, ABK and Bednarek, Lavia and JWP and what looks like a line of Stuart Armstrong, Alcaraz and Walcott behind Che Adams.  Perraud aside – this is probably our strongest side.

Saints started the game well with the Forest looking nervous. Stuart Armstrong wins the ball on the left-hand side and passes forwards to Walcott running into space in from the right side.  He feeds Adams and he should hit it first time but of course he has to cut in back to his right foot and Felipe makes the block for a corner.

The next 15 minutes are really promising with us dominating possession and looking the better side and then Che Adams gives away a free kick in the Forest left back area which shouldn’t be any cause for alarm. Shouldn’t be really as it’s 80 yards from our goal.

A quick free-kick tapped forward to Gibbs-White who has no Saints player anywhere near him and as usual when you don’t put any pressure on the ball, he just turns and has time to play a ball over the top of the defence to Johnson sprinting away behind Maitland-Niles.  A first time cross and there is Awoniyi to crash into the net as he gets the ball in front of Bednarek who has had to leave his man to mark the player that ABK isn’t marking.  For fucks sake.  1-0.  The other thing to mention about this goal is that McCarthy is doing a very passable impression of a hologram.

Once more, there should be no danger as Alcaraz picks up the ball in the left back position but he dithers with it, rather than clearing it and gets robbed.   When the cross comes in, it causes carnage and Walcott half clears it and then KWP does the same but back it comes and eventually the ball gets knocked for Awoniyi to hold off ABK’s powderpuff challenge and smash it into the net. 20 minutes gone, 2-0 and Championship Here We Come!

Forest attack again down the left-hand side but turn out and start to pass the ball around in midfield and JWP gets a foot in on a heavy touch by Gibbs-White and sends Adams away on the halfway line.  Adams finds Stuart Armstrong on the left and he superbly picks out Alcaraz 6 yards out who passes it into the net. Game on, perhaps.

Now we’re throwing players forward which is all well and good until Armstrong’s pass doesn’t reach AMN on the left.  One pass and Johnson is away and ABK really has to take him out but he tries to outpace him and get shrugged off it and again Bednarek has to come steaming across to bail out his centre back partner.  ABK isn’t getting up because he’s made of biscuits and not for the first time I’m wondering how ABK always manages to get injured when he’s having a shocker of a game and it’s just all a bit too difficult.  That’s four times this season that he’s had to be substituted in the first half of games now.  On comes Lyanco who is definitely not made of biscuits.

As we approach half time, Aurier’s simple throw-in is flicked over his head by Yates and AMN appears to have dealt with the situation but as he goes to clear it Johnson gets a toe to the ball from behind him and AMN boots his foot. There is no way that that’s not going to get given as a penalty and sure enough, there you have it.  I know it’s unlucky because AMN has just gone to kick the ball but it’s somehow typical for a player who is totally unaware of anything that is going on around him

JWP Tries to Argue the Penalty on the Grounds that AMN Never Knows Where Anyone Is

Gibbs-White is on the penalty and I wonder if he knows like I do, that McCarthy is just gonna collapse on the ground at the corner of the goal… Oh yes he does, straight down the middle, 3–1.

Half-time and 3-1 down in a game we have to win.  Well that’s fucked then isn’t it.  Regardless of how you attack, you are going to lose any game where you defend like we have. Absolutely pathetic.

So, relegated though we are, we come out well at the start of the second half and put Forest under a little bit of pressure again and Stuart Armstrong wins a corner out on the left-hand side.  In it comes from JWP and Lyanco muscles his way away from his marker before bulleting a header straight at Navas in the Forest goal and he flaps into the net to give us the slightest hope again. 3–2

Sulemana is on for Walcott and in a season where hope never seems to last very long, it doesn’t again as Saints have the ball twice and twice they try and play it forward, once to Sulemana who loses it because the defender wants it more and then again to Adams who loses it because the defender wants it more and Forest attack down our right hand side with the aid of a lucky deflection the ball finds Johnson in behind AMN who is kind of wandering about and Johnson’s cross is superbly flicked by Gibbs-White into the path of Danilo who crashes it past the hologram to make it 4-2 and it really doesn’t fucking matter anymore does it?

I can’t even be bothered to get annoyed about the latest edition of ‘Selles Subs’, where he changes three players and makes us instantly worse. On comes Tall Paul, Adam Armstrong and Sam Edozie and off go Adams, Stuart Armstrong and Alcaraz.

With Paul on, of course we stop crossing the ball and start taking short corners.  Edozie doesn’t cross the ball because it as he has to do 15 step overs first, but he does find Sulemana, who hammers in a shot from the left-hand side which is shovelled away by Navas.  The rebound falls to Adam Armstrong but instead of smashing it at the goal with a goalkeeper on the ground, he smashes it sideways and it hits Tall Paul on the ankle and bounces off for a goal kick. It’s the best cross he’s been given so far, three inches off the ground.

It looks like another shambles at the back as Gibbs-White takes free-kick on halfway and finds the centre back Felipe on the penalty spot and he knocks into the net and does a somersault and all that shit before it’s confirmed that he’s offside, so he looks a bit of a bell-end.  The offside is more by luck than judgement, with Onuachu being behind the rest of the defensive line.

Having given Forest a somewhat fortuitous penalty at the end of the first half, it’s our turn at the end of the second as Navas pushes a ball out towards Lavia who takes a touch, before being impeded by the clumsy Sam Surridge. It’s as generous as you like from Michael Oliver but there is contact and VAR isn’t gonna overturn it and up steps JWP to smash it down the middle with Navas diving out of the way.

There are still four minutes to go and every time we get the ball there is noticeable nerves from the Forest fans but relax lads, you’re playing against us.  We are now about long balls up to Tall Paul and he brings one down really well on his chest and spins and hits it and wins a corner.  With everybody including the hologram up from the back, the corner is crap and cleared and after 100 minutes, the referee has had enough and so a win that will probably keep Forest up, but a defeat that leaves us eight points plus shite goal difference behind fourth bottom Everton, with three games left. Yep, we’re fucked.  The Saints players look crestfallen at the end.  It's almost as if they finally realise.

They Are Looking at a Fat Lady Singing

Well that’s the end of that then. All you can say about today’s performance is that at least we were entertaining and we at least showed some attacking intent which has been missing for virtually the whole of the season.  It was better than losing 1-0.  It’s too little too late though because of course when we tried to attack, we forgot all about defending. You have to do the basics to be a functioning football team and the defenders have to be able to defend one-on-one and three of our back four just totally gave up the ghost today with only Bednarek standing out as having a decent game.  ABK was absolutely pathetic on the first two Forest goals, being totally unaware of the player who he is supposed to be marking on the first and then getting completely bodied out of the way on the second. It was absolutely no surprise to anybody when he went down injured straight after that and had to go off.

That will probably be the last time we see him in a Southampton shirt.

KWP tried to attack but his defending was all over the place and what the fuck can you say about Maitland Niles? Okay he was playing out of position at left back but fucking hell.  It was hilarious to watch the plan that Cosplay Pep had obviously hatched which was for us to be a Poundshop version of Manchester City using John Stones as the template for Maitland-Niles playing fullback but moving into the centre of midfield when we had the ball. Just what you need when your team can’t do the basics.  The trouble is, as anyone watches Man City will tell you, that whereas John Stones pops the ball around and can pass it short and long, Maitland-Niles it’s just shit. There is a lot of variety in the way he gives the ball away, sometimes overhitting it, sometimes underhitting it, sometimes just passing it straight to an opposition player. I wouldn’t want him in the Championship next season even if it’s a free transfer and he didn’t want any wages.  

The goalkeeper - Gavin Bazunu got deservedly dropped a few games ago but McCarthy put in a hologram of the performance today – four on target, four goals. We really need to move him on next season and buy a better experienced goalkeeper to be number one, not just because of today but because he’s not very good at the end of the day and Baz isn’t ready to be a No 1 yet.

I hadn’t got too many complaints about the way Selles set up the team. It was 4-2-3-1 or 4-3-3 depending on your point of view.   The midfield three of Alcaraz, Lavia and JWP were pretty good, especially in the first half as Stu Armstrong and Theo Walcott both started the game well before fading halfway through the second half.  Aside from the AMN bollocks, the only real criticism I have a Selles today was the substitution at the end, bringing on Adam Armstrong ahead of Sekou Mara. If Adam Armstrong has your answer then you’re clearly not listening to the question, especially as Mara has actually been decent off the bench before.  Selles has waited until we were virtually on life-support before he decided to let the handbrake off a little bit and allow us to attack but it was too little too late and it should have happened two months ago - it’s now 10 games without a win and that is why we are getting relegated.  If this team had been allowed to play this way against Palace, Bournemouth and West Ham to name but three, we might ave got more points than the zero we did get by playing False 9 Cautious bollocks.

Today, we started the game pretty well for 15/20 minutes before the double ABK whammy and once we got back to 2-1, we of course had to score the next goal but the penalty given against AMN killed us just before half-time. Once again, we got back to within one goal with Lyanco’s header but ended up throwing in another one to make it impossible. JWP’s late penalty just made Forest sweat a bit. It was never going to be enough for us.

Fail to beat Fulham next Saturday and it will be mathematically certain and thank fuck for that and it will be over and we can concentrate on the players who actually want to be here next season and who are going to make some sort of positive contribution in turning the Good Ship Southampton around.  It starts of course with the Board who I hope are hard at work lining up people to put in place in the senior positions at the club, so we can at least have a chance of coming straight back.  The manager is clearly the most important of those positions so get it done and let them get to work on next years squad.  Not you Ruben.