League Cup 4th Round - Chelsea 1 Southampton 1 (Chelsea win 4-3 on pens)

 

Shame This Didn't Win The Game

A nice easy favourable draw in the Carabao Cup sees Saints in the 4th Round away at Stamford Bridge, home of the Champions League winners from last season. Let’s not kid ourselves that this is going to be the first choice 11 from both teams but let’s face it, Chelsea are pretty formidable whatever 11 they put on the pitch.

I’m expecting Ralph to change a vast majority of our team and it seems to have become a narrative this season that the cup competitions are for playing the players that are not in the Premier League starting 11. In the first game in this competition against Newport, a number of players used it as a springboard to get themselves into the Premier League team like Armando Broja, Moi Elyounoussi and Nathan Redmond. There will hopefully be a few others putting their hand up from this game.

The sub-plot of this game is of course the managers. It’ll be interesting to see if Tommy Tuchel loses his shit again like he did in the league game. That of course didn’t land him with an FA charge where as we all know, Ralph managed to get himself fined 20 grand. Tommy‘s main gripe was against VAR which of course is not a thing in the Carabao cup for some reason, despite it being available at this ground obviously. I think the FA Cup still has the rule where if it’s installed at the ground then you use it and if it’s not then you don’t. Having that mismatch across matches in the same competition is clearly retarded so the Carabao Cup definitely has something going for it with its all for nothing approach. Another thing it’s got right is to not have extra time and to go straight to penalties at 90 minutes.

To the team news and unsurprisingly, Ralph has made nine changes from the weekend with only Salisu and Diallo remaining in the team. It looks like a 4-2-2-2 set up with KWP at left back and Stuart Armstrong, who is captain for the evening, and Diallo in the centre of midfield. There is another chance for Lyanco in the centre of defence so that should certainly add to the entertainment factor.

Chelsea’s lineup is predictably strong but there is inexperience in the central defence with Chalobah and Sarr starting, which should give us a chance if our forwards are on their game.

Having said that it was good that there is no VAR at this game, I’m beginning to wonder about that because the referee is Kevin Friend, well known from past experience to be one of the referees you do not want when you are playing one of the big clubs, especially away from home.  In his 20 grand interview after the league game, Ralph mentione our history with Mike Dean – we have similar with Kevin Friend from past matches against Liverpool and Spurs in particular.

Away we go and we’ve all got the formation wrong unless KWP has forgotten where he’s supposed to be.  It’s 3 at the back with Valery as the right sided centre back and Lyanco in the middle.  I am very frightened.  It’s only a few days before Hallowe’en I guess and in addition, Moussa is left wing back.  Stu Armstrong and Diallo in the centre of midfield with a front three of Arma, Che and Tella.

The first chance is predictably at our end of the pitch and it’s a Chelsea corner from the right and once again, our defending of set plays is shite as Saul gets an unchallenged header, thumps it towards to top bin and Fraser gets up and across to claw it out one handed.  Excellent save.  Havertz has the next effort after cutting in from the left and goes for the far corner but just wide.

Nothing really prepares you for the full Kevin Friend experience even though you’ve seen it lots of times before.  Marcos Alonso goes on a murder spree, not for the first time... and mows down three players and nothing happens.  KWP gives him one back… free kick.  Whilst Kevin has made a poor start, Lyanco on the other hand has started well, organising well and covering with pace and commitment.  Keep it up you nutter.

23 minutes gone and the first booking of the encounter as Kovacic gets away from Diallo in midfield and the Saints man pulls him back.  Clear yellow card that Kevin can’t give quickly enough.  Chelsea are piling on the pressure a bit now and Lyanco is sold a bit of a turd by Valery being out of position and has to try and stop Havertz 1v1 but can’t stop the German smashing one at the near post which Fraser beats away.  Whilst this is going on, Valery is jogging back.

Up front so far, we’ve been useless and it’s down to one of our defenders to start things rolling as KWP runs at the edge of the box and gets bundled over.  Kevin has his whistle stuck up his ass however and gives nothing but the ball runs lose to Stuart Armstrong whose shot is deflected by Sarr and saved by Kepa.  The 1 second that’s elapsed since the foul means that Kevin cannot of course get the whistle out of his ass and give us the free kick.

Tella is then pulled back as he tries to go past Reece James and by the precedent he set ten minutes go, Kevin Friend has to book him but as Kevin’s a clever bastard, he’s worked out that if he waves play on then he doesn’t have to and the additional bonus is that it pisses off the Southampton players.  Straight after that, Diallo gets pulled back by Saul and this time gets the free kick but again, no card comes out.  Diallo, being the player who got booked for the same offence, may have mentioned that to Kevin, who marches over and gives him a bollocking.  Kevin Friend-of-the-big-Clubs is still alive and well.

Lyanco cuts out another cross after a quick break and thumps it behind to give Chelsea a corner as half time approaches.  Another chance to get our set piece defending right... yeah, about that.  Over it comes and we’ve ended up with 5 foot 3 KWP marking 6 foot plus Havertz and he guides it into the net giving Fraser no chance.  Shit.  1-0 down at half time.

We don’t really deserve to be behind but then maybe you do if you defend set pieces like we do.  Also, our forwards have been arse.  Little flashes from Tella and Arma and not even that from Adams who doesn't look fit.  Considering they are playing against the most inexperienced part of the Chelsea team, they really should be doing better.

Saints start fast and press high and Sarr gets dispossessed in his own half by Valery who advances and pokes it through to KWP.  He’s coming in at a narrow angle and just lashes it at the goal and it jams between Kepa’s legs on it’s way through and rolls perfectly into the path of Che Adams, less than a yard out.  Bearing in mind we missed from here on Saturday, it’s a relief when it hits the net.  1-1, get in!

Saints have a bit of possession and pressure straight after the goal but Chelsea come roaring back with Havertz forcing a save from Forster.  Up the other end and Stu Armstrong produces some magic in midfield to run at the Chelsea defence and Adam Armstrong tries a curler which is on target but Kepa kept out well down low. Up the other end and Hudson-Odoi slid Barkley through on goal but luckily, this is the actual Ross Barkley, not the one who everyone hyped up as the second coming of Gazza about 8 years ago.  Barkley is blocked by Forster again after some comedy defending by Djenepo who tries to take down a high ball on his chest whilst doing a backward roll.  Fraser is keeping very busy, tipping a James free kick over the bar after Che had done some ‘helping out’ on the edge of the box.

Time for the first subs of the day from both managers and Chelsea have got Mount and Chilwell, two England internationals ready.  Meanwhile, in the cheap seats, we’re bringing on Theo Walcott and Shane Long.  It’s enough to make you weep.  To be honest though, Che and Tella haven’t exactly been pulling up any trees though it will have done Che some good to get a goal.

The direction of play is still mainly towards our goal and Saul is looking to the heavens as he bands one towards the top corner only to see Forster produce an amazing save to keep it out once more and it’s time to change the midfield with Romeu and Will Smallbone on for Diallo and Stuart Armstrong.

The tide suddenly turns with Shane having realised that Sarr shites himself when under any pressure and hassles him into giving away the ball on right and drives the ball across and it bounces up perfectly for Smallbone to meet as he runs in but he heads it straight at Kepa who beats it out easily.  A yard either side and it’s a goal.

Tino is on for Djenepo for the last five and we look the most likely to win it.  Smallbone shanks a decent opportunity well wide and the 90 is up with 4 added minutes to be played.  93 and Smallbone wins a corner, takes it himself and Lyanco gets up and absolutely thumps a header goalwards but the bloody keeper takes off and superbly tips it over the bar.  Mental celebration and massive shithousing denied.  Over comes another Smallbone corner and Salisu meets it and heads down and Kepa again has to beat it away.  Fucks sake.

94 minutes are well up and Kevin Friend decides to allow one more Chelsea attack because why not? Sarr gets a shot in that Fraser pushes away again and Kevin still plays on as Chelsea have the ball until it peters out so then he has to end it and on we go to penalties.  I’m looking at the players we have on the pitch and I’m struggling to pick five with any confidence.  I’d go with Arma and Romeu but after that I reckon Tino, KWP and Lyanco. OK, here we go – we’re first.

Adam Armstrong – remember you scored 35 times last season… come on, yassss!, 1-0

Marcos Alonso – miss it you zebra crossing bastard… bang…. 1-1

Walcott – oh sweet fuckin Jesus, no chance… up he steps…. Saved, easily.  What a load of shit – fucking scuffed roller that would have hit the post anyway.  The only danger was Kepa diving past it because it was so slow.  Utter predictable shite…1-1

Mount – fuck off you Skate bastard…. SAVED.  What a fucking save that it.  Fraser goes to his right and that’s a worldie save.  Brilliant.  Fuck off Skate… 1-1

Shane Long… oh my days.  What are we trying to do to ourselves?  At least he can’t be offside I guess…. Goal!  Never in doubt – give him another two-year contract (not really) 2-1

Hudson-Odoi – I reckon this is a chance…. Stutter, stutter, Fraser goes the right way… oooof, nearly – good pen though… 2-2

Will Smallbone – Hmmm, he looks terrified, go on lad…… oh shit, that’s gone into orbit… 2-2

Chilwell – not going to miss is he?  Strikes a good ball, bang, 3-2

Oriol Romeu – unless he scores, we’re out of course…. Dink down the middle, goal, is ‘cojones’ a Spanish word? What a man. 3-3

Reece James – again, zero chance that he’s going to miss, come on Fraser…. Wrong way, easy, 4-3, out, fuck it.

Bollocks. We really didn’t deserve to lose that.  Losing a cup game after a good performance hurts a little bit less than if we were shit but it’s annoying all the same when you don’t get what you deserve.  A great game for the neutral but fuck the neutral - there should be no such thing as a neutral in football.


The impressive thing for me was how committed the performance was and once again illustrated that even the players who out of the team fully back the manager and put everything in when they are asked to do so. There was in great performances out there today from the likes of Fraser Forster, KWP, Salisu and most of all, Lyanco who was absolutely outstanding. Good in the air, quick, decent passing, extremely aggressive into the challenge, with a large dose of shithousery and he looked like a completely different player to the tentative nervy panicky centre half who struggled against Oli McBurnie.

 

Cult Hero Incoming

Diallo and Armstrong were excellent in midfield and I guess that the only underperforming area of the team was the strikers. Che Adams got his goal in the end, which he really couldn’t miss but Adam Armstrong and Nathan Tella both flattered to deceive a little bit. You could actually argue that Shane Long was the best of our attacking players when he came on.  Armando Broja's importance to us this season went up a notch after today.

As for another sub, it all seem like a good signing to tide us over when we signed Theo Walcott on loan last season and his performances before he got injured warranted giving him a new contract but bloody hell, he has been awful since he signed a new deal and it was the most predictable thing ever that he would do nothing when he came on as a substitute and when I saw him walking up to take a penalty, I just knew he'd miss and what's more, I knew he'd miss in a really shit way.  Unbelievably, I've discovered he wrote a book about penalties.  Here's the cover

For Fucks Sake

Will Smallbone could’ve had a fairytale if he'd taken either of the two presentable chances that he had in the last 20 minutes but instead of that, he’s going to be thinking about his penalty miss which to be honest, wouldn’t have gone in if there were two goals on top of each other.Regardless of that, it was great to see him back out there and he will be a good player for us in the future.

Having not had a great day against Burnley at the weekend, Ralph had a decent one today with the formation causing Chelsea some problems and we were relatively good at the back. Selecting Yan Valery at centre back wouldn’t have been on everybody’s to-do list but in the main he did okay.  Maybe you could argue that he should have made subs more with penalties in mind as it went straight to pens at 90 minutes.  Three of the substituted players – Stuart Armstrong, Diallo and Adams would certainly have been on the list.  In the event, the 5 takers were the three strikers and two central midfield players which should have been ok but I’d love to know if Theo Walcott has ever scored a penalty in his 15 year career.

Kevin Friend wasn’t any different to the usual and that’s the problem.  One rule for us and one for them throughout.  It’s not like Jon Moss who is just incompetent because you get the impression that Kevin knows exactly what he’s doing.  He gives off this impression of arrogance in the same way that Mark Twattenburg did.  Is pulling a player back a booking or not?  Why do Diallo and Djenepo get booked for it but a player in blue doesn’t? Why can Saul blatantly body check a player to stop an attack and not get booked?  Why do we play on after time is up until the moment that the last Chelsea attack peters out?

Onwards to Watford.  It’ll be interesting to see if Fraser or Lyanco make the starting line-up after their heroics tonight and KWP and Stuart Armstrong should also be in with a shout.  Let’s hope Ralph and subsequently the team, have a good day.

Premier League Match 9 - Southampton 2 Burnley 2

 

The Point At Which We Should Have Kicked On

Following on from our win against Leeds last week, another home game and this time against the football purists of Burnley in what will doubtlessly be a footballing classic. Every year I say the same thing about Burnley and usually it’s born out of the frustration of them always beating us, usually because we don’t do the basics and allow them to score crap goals. Last year however, when no one was watching, we beat them home and away so let’s have some more of that today please.

I touched on it earlier but all you have to do against Burnley really is make sure that you don’t let in any crap goals. You have to compete for everything and do the basics. They are not going to carve you open with brilliant football so you have to defend properly and take your chances when they come. It’s not as if Burnley only smash the ball forward but there will be a lot of that, usually towards Chris Wood and whatever striker is posted up with him. If they do pick up the second balls that they do try and play a bit but as soon as it goes out to the wide players it’s just delivered into the box and this seasons it’s delivered by Dwight McNeil or new signing Max Cornet who unusually for a Burnley first team player, is from overseas.

Sean Dyche is still the manager of course, still gargling with gravel and still absolutely synonymous with Burnley and is the single biggest reason why they stay up every year. If you think Tony Pulis at Stoke and Sam Allardyce at Bolton and what happened to those clubs once the manager that was synonymous with them, moved elsewhere. There is lots to like about Burnley in that they really are underdogs in the Premier League. Every year they managed to stay up though it does seem to be getting closer and closer over the last few years but I would still have money on them staying up this year even though they haven’t won as yet. They will certainly see today as a big chance to get their first win.

For Saints, this is a massive opportunity to build on last weeks win and move to 6 points from this little run a five games where we have to be picking up points. It will be interesting to see if Ralph changes much given the style of football the Burnley play but I’d be surprised if the starting line-up is much different from last week.  Ralph is of course, £20 grand out of pocket after his brush with the FA disciplinary committee for telling the truth about Mike Dean.  It really is absolute fucking bullshit that he’s been fined for stating that fact. For starters, Mike Dean sent off Jan Bednarek at Old Trafford and that got overturned. The FA need to make an example of someone and it’s much easier to make an example of the manager of Southampton and it is the managers of Manchester City or Liverpool. At least that’s over and we can wait until the next time that we have Mike Dean anywhere near us. I contacted Mike Dean for comment on the case and I just got an automated email back which said, “Soft Southern Bastards“.

It's a warm day and St Mary’s is looking fine.  There are a few Burnley fans at the other end of the ground but it’s clear that a lot of tickets have been returned.  Time for the brass band and what sound like an out of time drummer.  Maybe it’s the acoustics and an echo playing havoc with my hearing…. I’ve been trying to digest the team news for the past 45 minutes…. Theo Walcott in for Djenepo… nope, can’t get my head round it.  We have 5 wide men and if I was putting them in order right now it would be Armstrong, Elyounoussi, Redmond, Djenepo, Walcott.

Burnley are basically playing 4-5-1 and we are struggling to get on the ball and feed the strikers in the opening exchanges but then Livramento bursts forward and plays it ahead of Walcott who goes to shoot but gets tackled by Taylor and the ball runs through harmlessly to Pope.

Back to the struggle and with Saints still struggling to get a foothold in midfield, Burnley bypass it and Wood battles for the ball and it goes out of the right hand side where McNeil slings it into the middle and Cornet runs off the back of Livramento and heads down and in off the post. Fucking hell…. simple goal to concede because no one has gone with the runner. Shit.  In a game where we had to do the basics defensively, this is not a good start.

As we approach the half-hour Romeu slings in across from the right hand side and there seems no danger as Elyounoussi goes up for the header but he makes good contact and Pope is beaten and it flicks off the far post and goes wide.  From the goal-kick, in the 25^th minute, Nick Pope is wasting time already.  Why the fuck referees (Chris Kavanagh) don’t just book goalkeepers in the first half for wasting time, I do not know.  When Pope eventually decides to take the goal-kick, there is more carnage as Wood wins the header and it goes out to McNeil on the right-hand side and his return pass sees Wood hit a good effort that McCarthy saves well down low.

Suddenly it’s all Saints as Broja flicks one out to Redmond on the left hand side and he plays a superb cross to pick out Walcott right on the edge of the penalty area in the middle. Walcott brings it down and it’s on his good right foot but it skews it wide horribly. Absolutely crap finish.  I mean, what’s the fucking point?

Yeah - I Don't Understand Either

Unperturbed, Livramento feeds Broja down the right and the big man runs at Tarkowski and twists and turns past him before smashing over a cross and Nathan Redmond is all on his won, this side of the back post, 2 yards out and side foots it wide of an open goal. Un-fucking-believable.

And it gets worse… but in a different way as Perraud finds Romeu who against switches right to Livramento, who cuts inside Taylor and hits one left footed and it comes off the inside of the far post and comes out again. For fuck‘s sake. We’re never gonna score.  We recover possession though and Redmond wins corner.

Nathan Redmond is the Poundshop JWP when it comes to dead ball delivery but over it comes and at fucking last, Livramento runs in and meets it and heads it down it down and it bounces up and over Pope and into the roof for the net. Get in.  Might be half time already if you hadn’t been wasting time for the past 20 minutes you twat.

Anyway, now it’s half time.  I wonder if this is going to be one of those occasions where Ralph hooks a player at half time.  My money is on Walcott not reappearing but no, he’s back and we’re unchanged.  Burnley have gone 4-4-2 with Cornet up front with wood and McNeil switching to the left.

First action of the second half sees Tarkowski pretending that he’s a cultured central defender and turning out of trouble before playing a horrible ball into midfield which Diallo side foots first time to Broja.  Tarkowski gets across but Broja slows them down and then speeds up to earn a yard before smashing it across Pope into the far corner. Brilliant finish, horrible defending and a goalkeeper who will be taking his goal-kicks much quicker now.

We don’t really even have time to settle on the lead and hit Burnley as they press for an equaliser because we cough one up straight away.  A long ball forward is chested down by Wood, who has easily held off Salisu, to Westwood he lobs it forward first time and Cornet spins away from Bednarek and hits it first time left-footed and it bounces past McCarthy and fuck me, 2-2 and another shit goal from a defensive point of view.

To be honest, Burnley look the more likely to score now and Westwood shoots just wide but it still takes until 78 minutes before Ralph decides there’s no point in leaving Walcott on to be terrible for a further 15 minutes and off he goes to be replaced by Stuart Armstrong.  Whilst Stu increases the goal threat, before he can have an impact, Broja limps off which doesn’t help and on comes Che Adams and I feel our goal threat has now gone down.

Nothing much is happening – we seem to be playing a lopsided three in central midfield with a right winger, which Ralph sorts with a few minutes to go by bringing on Adam Armstrong for Elyounoussi.  Too little too late though.  The end.

He Was Alive When Nick Pope Started his Goal-Kick Routine

Ultimately it was probably a fair result bearing in mind the clear chances created but bloody hell we should’ve won. We only really played for quarter an hour either side of half-time and in that time we scored two goals and created enough chances to win two matches.  If we’d kept somewhere near the level of either side of half-time then we win comfortably but we stopped playing.

We got the goal in the end before half-time in the end to reply to Burnley’s opener but in the five minutes before that we showed why we are never going to win a game comfortably. The miss by Walcott was horrendous considering it was a free shot from the middle of the goal on his good foot from 18 yards. The miss by Redmond was even worse, just absolutely abysmal to miss from that close in. After that of course we had Tino doing Tino things and having a really good effort they hit the inside of the post before he scored with his header.

The start of the second-half brought us the second goal after good play from Diallo and a real strikers instinct from Broja and that should’ve been the key to kick on and win the game but instead of that, the only thing we kicked was ourselves in the bollocks as we let in a goal that Burnley will think was a really good goal and we will think is absolutely shit defending.  It was a standard Burnley goal with a ball put forward in the air to Wood, who held off Salisu before knocking it back to the unmarked Westwood and his chip forward found the unmarked Cornet and I’m not quite sure what Bednarek was doing apart from not being in between the forward and the goal, which is what defending is all about when you boil it down. Good finish but crap defending. We went behind in the first half through more crap defending with Tino losing his man when Cornet was playing on the left wing and allowing him to come inside and have a free header.

Ralph confused me again today. I have no idea why Theo Walcott started the game and he played 75 minutes too long with Stuart Armstrong was only given 15 minutes at the end. I can’t understand either the initial selection, nor the amount of time it took to change it.   The tactics today seemed reactive rather than proactive and in my opinion, Ralph has had better days.  As good as Nathan Redmond was against Leeds last week, he was pretty average today. He did at least stay positive and try and take people on but nothing much really worked. However, he did take the corner that Tino scored from and he should of course have had as assist for Walcott and a goal himself.  

For the last 20 minutes I have to admit that I had kind of settled for a point because our fluency going forward was not there and thought it was more likely that we would concede a third goal to Burnley’s more direct way of playing. Ralph made a tactical switch in the second half which I didn’t understand with any Elyounoussi moving infield which basically meant we had three in the centre midfield and no one out left which in turn meant that most of our attacking play was funnelled down the middle which played into Burnley‘s hands. When Redmond was switched to the left for the last five minutes or so, we looked a bit more balanced but it was too little too late and there was never really a feeling that we would go on and win the game.

I said at the start that we would win the game if we did the basics when defending and we didn’t do that today, plain and simple. Chris Wood is a right handful and though Salisu and Bednarek started fairly well against him in the first half, in the second-half they started to struggle and seem to go into panic mode.

The positives today were the performances of Livramento and Broja, justifying the Chelsea-on-Sea approach to summer recruitment more and more with every passing game.  Broja in particular looks like he’s going to develop into a real focal point for the attack.  You very rarely find a striker who has all of height, pace and a real eye for goal.  We haven’t really had a ‘lead the line’ type striker since Graziano.  Livramento is only 18 – keep reminding yourself because he will make mistakes occasionally, like he did for the first goal today but what he brings to the team more than makes up for it.  Whilst we all feel that KWP is very unlucky to have lost his place in the side, there can be no argument as to who the first choice right back should be right now. 

There was another decent performance from Diallo in midfield as well.  Ralph clearly rates him but Ralph’s ‘go to’ formations have just the two players in central midfield and Romeu and JWP are undroppable when available.  However, we are experimenting on occasions with a 4-3-3  / 4-5-1 line up like we tried to do today with Elyounoussi moving into the middle, so maybe, due to Broja being ideal for the lone front man role, there is a day approaching where we have all three of Romeu, JWP and Diallo in the team.  It also gives the tactical flexibility to drop Romeu into a back three during the game or to have him screening the defence in a 4-1-4-1.

Onwards and it’s another point and another game without defeat so now it’s back to the Carabao Cup and a visit to bloody Chelsea. I’m guessing it will be a chance to scout a few players for our next raid on Chelsea‘s Academy, which given that Broja and Livramento were our two scorers today, would be a good thing. Bring it on. Nothing to lose.

Up the fucking Saints.

Premier League Match 8 - Southampton 1 Leeds United 0

 

Redmond Gets It Right

After what feels like about fifth international break in the season, we are back in the room and back in the Premier League with a home game against Dirty Leeds United to give them their full name. The international break itself had some involvement of our players with JWP receiving a deserved and belated call up to the England squad and he performed well in the game against Andorra, with the performance featuring him missing a penalty and scoring the rebound which of course, goes down as a goal from open play. Get in.  Of course, he didn’t play in the more difficult of the two games when we went back to the tried and tested and instead of replacing the injured Kalvin Phillips with either JWP or Jordan Henderson, Southgate decided to shoehorn another attacking midfielder into the team and it really didn’t work.  JWP should have come on of course in the second game when England needed a goal but Southgate thought Henderson was the better bet.

Elsewhere, Moi Elyounoussi scored a couple of goals for Norway which again proved that he is one of our better bets in the number 10 positions. Armando Broja scored again for Albania and there were good wins for Che Adams with Scotland and Jan Bednarek with Poland. The only real bummer is that it appears that Adams has picked up an injury playing for Scotland, which will rule him out of today’s game.

One thing I noticed in the analysis of these England games was that JWP’s contribution gets completely ignored. Phil McNulty of the BBC didn’t even mention him regarding the Andorra game and instead focused on Tammy Abraham (who was shite, apart from scoring).  When Phil came to write up the two games as a whole and reflect on how certain players did, his opinion on JWP was again conspicuous by its absence.

To today and the big question about Dirty Leeds is, are they suffering from second season syndrome? They do not appear to have been as intense as they were last season and of course, as is only natural, teams know what they are up against now. They have won one game which of course is one more than us.  Today they seem to have availability issue with both Raphinha and Bamford struggling due to international travel times and injury respectively.  As mentioned previously, Kalvin Phillips has been injured and it’ll be interesting to see if he comes back into the side today. His replacement at international level was of course JWP who is suspended today after his red card at Chelsea.

Ralph of course made mention of Mike Dean in his post-match interview at Stamford Bridge, something along the lines of Dean having been involved in three of our players being sent off in recent history. Now this is a fact that somehow, the FA have deemed worthy of a disrepute charge. If anyone is reading this who follows any of the big six, a disrepute charge is what managers of the other 14 get if they make a negative comment about a referee or now it seems, even if they state facts. I have to admit though that Ralph did state as soon as it went to VAR and it was Mike Dean on VAR, we knew we were completely fucked. I might be paraphrasing a little bit there.  Jurgen Klopp can have a rant about how many penalties Man United get and Pep Guardiola can go nuts at officials from his technical area in every game they are not winning comfortably and nothing gets done.  It’s of course easier to make an example of the Southampton manager, rather than provoke a media led shitstorm by punishing a big club.

Disrepute charge aside, Ralph has other more important things to worry about today. For me he has to pick a team to go out and win a game and that needs wingers who are a goal threat.  The only two strikers we have available really are Adam Armstrong and Broja so you would think that those two have to start. If one doesn’t start then you wonder if it’ll be Redmond or Walcott.  Personally I’d prefer to see Stuart Armstrong and the in-form Elyounoussi on the wings.  It’s a pretty low bar but he’s looked the best of a bad bunch so far.

I get the team news in the usual place, at the end of the Itchen Bridge on my way to the ground.  Redmond and Broja up front with Djenepo and Elyounoussi on the wings.  Ok, I can live with that.  Leeds do in fact have Raphinha, Bamford and Phillips all missing so it really is a great chance today.  Their bench has no one notable on it at all whereas ours has an 88 cap international striker, oh yes.

Here we go… we really need to win this.  Leeds look all over the place – I know Bielsa is a bit revolutionary with his tactics but it looks like they have 5 at the back, 3 up front with one just behind and one poor fucker trying to cover the entire midfield on his own.  Unsurprisingly, it’s all us and Redmond cuts in from the left, exchanges passes Djenepo and hits it at the near post which forces Meslier to push it wide.  Redmond is on corners and his first one is met with a glancing head a buy Broja which goes just wide of the far post.  The next corner from the same side is again met by Broja and Elyounoussi came flying out in at the back post like Superman, only Superman wouldn’t have missed the fucking ball and somehow it went wide.

Explain How This Doesn't Go In

Bloody hell - these are there for the taking.  Livramento goes galloping forward from right back and set up a crossing opportunity for Elyounoussi, which is headed out and Livramento gets in quickly again to win the ball on the edge of the box before taking a wildly optimistic swing with his left foot and sends it into orbit.

Leeds have not made a good start. The absence of Kalvin Phillips is really noticeable and the poor bastard on his own in the centre of midfield is disappearing up his own arse trying to be in 4 places at once.  This means that Redmond can drop off of Broja and pick up the ball, turn and do what he likes with it.  All this is good but we haven’t scored yet.

It’s going to be one of those games where we only cause ourselves problems. Leeds haven’t got anything much but we get a warning when Djenepo gives the ball away it allows a Leeds break down the right hand side through Daniel James, a couple of passes and eventually he gets the ball back and fires over a cross which is easily caught by McCarthy.

Half time and it’s strange one.  We’ve been the better side but we don’t particularly look like scoring.  They are struggling with Broja and Redmond but we are struggling to create clear chances.  Elyounoussi has looked lively and Djenepo very average.  The defence looks untroubled with Salisu mopping up everything.

Leeds start the second-half well with Harrison at least making Saints think a bit, running at the defence and finding some space on the edge of the box, only to see his shot blocked by Salisu and flick over the bar.   Leeds are playing with a little bit more confidence now but lose the ball on the edge of our penalty area to Diallo who sends Djenepo away on the left with Leeds having seven players in front of the ball.  Djenepo plays forward to send Redmond away and all Redmond has to do is get his head up at the right time, which he does and squares it to Broja who lifts it over the keeper into the roof for the net as the desperate lunge of Cooper cleans him out.  Great move and a great goal on his full debut.  Dirty Leeds and Broja is limping a bit but I’m sure he won’t care too much.

Moi Makes Sure Armando Gets Injured

Ralph makes a change he was going to make anyway before the go with Djenepo coming off and being replaced with Stuart Armstrong.  Moussa does not look happy in a ‘sit straight down and don’t shake the managers hand’ kind of way.  This change means Moi going over the left hand side with Stu’s Magnificent Hair on the right.  Saints suddenly look a completely different proposition with the Diallo carrying the ball forward, exchanging passes with Redmond who tees up Elyounoussi to step in off the left and curl it about a foot wide of the far post.  I was right behind it and I thought it was in… and then I had to sit down.

Having climbed the mountain of actually scoring a goal, Saints have another go at shooting themselves in the foot and it’s the otherwise magnificent Salisu who makes two fuck-ups in quick succession. First of all, an intended diagonal pass to Livramento only gets about four foot off the ground and is intercepted and banged forward and then, when faced with the impending imposing presence of 5 foot 3 Daniel James, he misjudged the header and allows James to get in in between him and McCarthy but luckily, James showed why so many people was shocked that Leeds paid £25 million for him and put it well wide.

Redmond is carrying on having a good game and actually backs himself, beats the full back down the right hand side before firing over a cross which Elyounoussi heads down and Broja can’t quite get on the end of.  Moi does however keep the ball in and make his way across the top of the penalty area before being absolutely cleaned out.  Dirty Leeds.  It’s a freekick in prime JWP territory but of course he’s not here so instead it falls to Redmond and this is just too much to ask for isn’t it?  Sure enough, he hits the wall.

Into the last 15 and Saints still look the more likely to score and a long diagonal from Salisu is picked up by Broja who holds off a defender.  There is an opportunity for a second to knock it to Redmond but this boy is a striker so he takes a couple of touches before having a shot himself and it flies over the bar. Having been injured in scoring the goal, it’s now time for the Slough Albanian to have a rest and oddly, it’s not Adam Armstrong that comes on to replace him but Theo Walcott.

There are no alarms in the last few minutes or the five extras, aside from the fact that we are finishing a Premier League game with Redmond and Walcott up front and before the game, that would have been alarming.  Fittingly, the last touch belongs to Salisu as he launches a free kick forward and the ref has had enough.

Get in. Believe it or not, even though it was only one goal, it was relatively comfortable. We deserved to win that and we deserve to win it more comfortably then we eventually did.
Our problems going forward we are still evident but if you keep it tight at the back you only need one goal to win a game and that’s what we did. We had just the one nervy moment at the back when Salisu made his double fuck-up in an otherwise imperious display but other than that, Leeds never really threatened our goal at all.

Whilst the team selection once again it did raise a few eyebrows, Ralph got more right than wrong today. The only selection that didn’t really work was Djenepo who added very little but did play a major part in the goal just before he got taken off. Nathan Redmond overall had a very good game. It didn’t all come off but he was positive from the start and he had the intent to make things happen and that didn’t change or game. When he plays like that he is 100% worth a place in the team but he can’t go back to being the player who has frustrated the shit out of us for most of the last five years who usually takes the safe option.

Armando Broja proved what many of us have suspected all along in that he is a real talent and he just needs to find consistency and he’s only going to get that with regular games. If we are going to play with a lone striker then he is the best bet given he is the quick, he’s also the biggest of our three strikers and in addition to that, he has a real confidence in front of goal. That goal will be massive for him on what was his full Premier League debut and it will also be massive for Nathan Redmond as long as he takes the confidence of providing the assist into future games.

Elyounoussi had a really good game on the both wings and plays with real intelligence and can you tell that I’m pleased that Stuart Armstrong is back. I’ve said it 100 times before but he is such an intelligent footballer and uses the ball so well. Ibrahima Diallo did a really good job in place of JWP and the defence had a real balance to it with Perraud restored to the left hand side.  Another clean sheet for the totally remodelled defence.

The whole back 4 were excellent with Salisu being man of the match in my book, just for being a massive imposing bastard. He is going to be some player. Then you have Livramento as well and I have to keep reminding myself that the boy is only 18. He is a ridiculous talent. Alex McCarthy was playing as well though I’m sure he will look back on this at the end of his career as probably the easiest clean sheet he ever kept.

The caveat on the team and individual performance today is that Leeds were crap. They seemed to have no attacking intent, nor any idea how to progress the ball up the pitch to get their attackers in the game. Gone was the energy of last season when they just swarmed over us. We got them on a good day because of the absence of about five players which included their three best for players in Kalvin Phillips, Raphinha and Patrick Bamford. They looked very average but it doesn’t matter at the end of the day because we had to put them away and we did and now we can go into the next game against Burnley know that win that and the start of the season won’t look bad at all. With Watford, Villa and Norwich following on after that, there is a chance to build some real momentum now we’ve got this game out of the way.

Ralph felt no need to criticise the referee after the game.  Why would he do that when Mike Dean (and Jon Moss and Martyn Atkinson) was elsewhere.

These 3 Points are dedicated to Mike Dean, PGMOL and the FA

Premier League Match 7 - Chelsea 3 Southampton 1

 

Miraculously, Jorginho Carried On after the Sniper/Dislocated Spine Incident

Six winless games at the start of the Premier League season and today we have a nice easy one with a trip to Stamford Bridge to play Chelsea.  7-Up anyone?

What are the pandemic and all that, it’s sometimes difficult to remember that Chelsea started last season with Frank Lampard in charge and he was doing kind of averagely. When Saints went to Stamford Bridge last year, Lampard was still in charge and we left with a very creditable 3- 3 draw which we secured with a last minute header from Jannik Vestergaard. It was a strange game because we made Timo Werner, the German Shane Long, look good as he scored his first two goals for Chelsea. The draw at home to Southampton was probably one of the results that made Roman Abramovich pull the trigger on Chelsea’s all-time leading goalscorer and replace him with Thomas Tuchel, who of course a few months later won the Champions League. In the summer, he did a bit of transfer business which meant that the German Shane Long no longer started every game regardless, when he spent the best part of £100 million on the Romelu Lukaku, complete with about 300 career goals against Southampton. Great.

Having added one of the planet’s best strikers to their Champions League winning squad, Chelsea are certainly going to be contenders for everything they play in this season.  They replaced last years dodgy Kepa (see what I did there) with Edouard Mendy and have a ridiculous amount of strength all over the pitch, rivalled only in squad depth by Manchester City.  With thee addition of Lukaku they are now looking similar to the relentless machine that they were under Jose Mourinho in his first spell.

I mentioned the German Shane Long earlier on…. Well, we’ve got the real Irish thing, still getting minutes in the Premier League in 2021, for fuck‘s sake. Not his fault of course but hopefully doesn’t happen again today. I guess there’s more of a chance of it happening today because Armando Broja can’t play against his parent club. We’ve had some good news during the week that Stuart Armstrong is back training with the first team and it would be great to see him get on the pitch at some point today. I know that today is going to be mainly a defensive effort but over the last few weeks I think we have all realised how much better Stuart Armstrong is than all of the other players that we use in the wide midfield positions.

As we became Chelsea-on-Sea during the summer, it’s an interesting game because it sees the return of Tino Livramento to Chelsea. That certainly gives the media an angle but it’s quite simple… he left because he wanted to play football and didn’t fancy hanging around in the Under 23s for 3 years or going out on loan to one of those Dutch or Belgian clubs that Chelsea own. End of.

We arrived here today having not scored for three matches and surprisingly, Chelsea arrive here on the back of two defeats, I feel that they can be excused though as one was against Manchester City at home last week and another was away at Juventus in the Champions League in midweek and they scored in neither game. Nice comfortable 0-0 draw coming up then.

Ralph’s done me again with the starting line up – out go Adams and Elyounoussi and in come Tella and Walcott.  Despite being dragged on 45 and 60 minutes (for reasons non-tactical) in his last two games, Bombproof Redmond is selected again and anyone got any idea who is up front with Adam Armstrong?  Hopefully Tommy Tuchel doesn’t know either.  Chelsea’s line up worries me – they’ve gone with two right up top with Lukaku and Werner.  How we deal with that will dictate how this goes.  Your referee today is Martin Atkinson, last seen deciding that Kyle Walker’s 100mph body check with no ball involvement was clearly not a foul and he is assisted on VAR by the one, the only Mike Bad Motherfucker Dean.  Bring it!

You could say that we made a good start. We kind of did but it only lasted for seven minutes. It’s a bit like saying that two opening batsmen looked good for the first over before one of them has their stamps smashed all over the place. Chelsea get a corner on our left hand side and over it comes, flicked on by Loftus-Cheek and there is Trevoh Chalobah, all on his own at the back post to head in, as easily as you like. Bollocks.  Not in our script.  It’s mildly interesting that Chalobah isn’t offside but Azpilicueta is and as the ball got flicked on he was directly in front of the goalkeeper.

Saints respond well with a decent build up on the left through KWP and his pass infield is well controlled by Walcott, who tees it up for JWP to smash from 25 yards but it skids just past the post.

A shot from Loftus-Cheek goes just wide before we are back on the attack again with KWP taking a return ball from Tella and driving past Chalobah before firing over a cross which Walcott throws himself at but he can’t get a worthwhile touch.

It looks for all the world that we are 2-0 down straight afterwards as Rudiger takes time off from being an uncompromising hard bastard and mazy’s his way towards our penalty area before sliding a ball in between Livramento and Bednarek for Lukaku to take one touch and drill across McCarthy into the net.  Flag up and we’re off for a chat with Mike Dean.

“Hello Mikey”
“You know that PGMOL have spoken to me right?”
“What about Mikey”
“They said, the next time I’m involved in a game with these Soft Southern Bastards…”
“You were to try and not make it obvious – you put in the WhatsApp group with the incriminating photo of Jon Moss”
“Yeah, I shouldn’t post when off I’m off my tits – problem is that Lukaku is in my fantasy team as captain”
“What’s it called this year Mikey?”
“Same as always Atko – Mike Dean is A Fucking Legend”
“Anyway Mikey, lino’s flagged…”
“Pisses me off… doesn’t matter, The Soft Southern Bastards are shit – Big Rom will score today”

Offside it is…

If you want an idea of how good Livramento is then the next Chelsea attack told you everything you need to know. With Saints having coughed up possession on the edge of the Chelsea penalty area, Chelsea broke with Rudiger sending away the rapid Hudson-Odoi on the left wing. He barrelled into the penalty area but then back came Livramento to time the challenge superbly and stop the shot. Brilliant defending.

It doesn’t take long though for Chelsea to have the ball in the net again though as Azpilicueta wins it off KWP plays a 1-2 with Lukaku before eventually crossing to the back post, where Hudson-Odoi retrieves it and sends it back into the mixer for the German Shane Long to head home.  Saints are complaining about something, I have no idea what and we’re off to talk to Mike Dean again.

“Hello Atko… me again”
“Always nice to hear from the legend Mikey”
“It’s like this Atko… there was a foul on Peter-Walkers”
“When was that?”
“Fucking ages ago but I’ve got money on Tommy Tickle throwing a shit fit at VAR”
“I suppose Saints didn’t have time to reset”
“Oh they did but they were all over the fucking place”
“It’s a grey are isn’t it Mikey”
“Certainly is Atko and I love those – gives me a chance to be the centre of things”
“Tommy’s going to go mental…”
“Yep, and it’ll be hilarious seeing Werner having another goal chalked off”
“Let’s fucking do it”

Disallowed for a foul on KWP early on in the move.  I am actually amazed we have got away with that.  Tommy Tuchel is throwing a shit fit and gets a yellow card for his histrionics.  Bell end.

We get half-time without any further alarms or any further visits to Mike Dean and as we emerge for the second half, Ralph has rolled the dice and improved the team with removing Walcott and decided to play with 10.  Not really…. on comes Diallo and it looks like Romeu is dropping into the back three so we are now playing the exact same formation as Chelsea.  Some confidence to assume we’ll play it better than they will.

Tiiiiiiinooooooo!

After an early daisy-cutter from Werner, Saints actually start to look decent and we are getting some pressure on the ball and getting further up the pitch. Diallo is at the centre of things, spreading it out to Livramento on the right hand side and he is one-on-one with Chilwell.  The Saints man takes him on and the England full-back dives in like an absolute park player and carts him up in the air.   I’m not even worried about big club home town biased bollocks going on here.  There’s no referee anywhere in the world that wouldn’t give that as a penalty.  Up steps JWP and with Mendy jumping around side to side, JWP waits until Mendy’s weight is all on his left foot and then passes into the opposite corner of the net.  Confident penalty and 1-1. Will that just make them angry I wonder?

Yes it will and Lukaku holds off Bednarek before back heeling into the path of the German Shane Long, who looks set to score as he reaches a penalty spot and he picks his spot but it happens to be a spot that McCarthy can reach and the keeper claws it away. Brilliant save.

Time for another sub with Djenepo coming on for the slightly disappointing Tella with 15 minutes to go.  Will Saints pressing high, Mendy plays a shit ball 10 yards to Jorginho on the edge of the box and JWP launches in to try and win it but catches the Italian/Brazilian at the exact moment that a sniper sat on the top floor of the Chelsea hotel pops a cap into Jorginho’s ass and he simultaneously dislocates his spine. Martin Atkinson gives a yellow card but it’s time for the Mike Motherfucking Dean show again.

“I fucking love this one Atko – it’s perfect.  I’ve given them two so this one’s free”
“Is it clear and obvious though Mikey?”
“It’s clear and obvious that Jorginho is a massive twat”
“Yeah but… he was the one fouled”
“Can you hear that sound Atko?”
“What sound Mikey?”
“The silence Atko, the silence… that’s the whole world wondering what I’m going to do”
“And what are you going to do Mikey?”
“Send you to the monitor so you can see that you were wrong”
“But I thought you were on their side today”
“PGMOL had a word mate but this is just too big an opportunity for me”
“Soft Southern Bastards Mikey?”
“Soft Southern Bastards Atko – send the bastard off!”
“Will do Boss”

Mike Licks His Lips at the Realisation He Can Give One Against Saints

And off he goes. Shit. 13 minutes plus injury time to hang on.

Elyounoussi has been warming up but there is no change as yet and it looks like Redmond has dropped into the centre of midfield and we are keeping the back three.  I think I’d rather put Romeu back in midfield and go 4-4-1 myself but there you go.

Chelsea have sent on Ross Barkley for Loftus Cheek and he is involved straight away, picking up the ball in the inside left channel and pinging a wonderful flat-trajectory ball over to Azpilicueta on the right.  He sidefoots it across the penalty area first time and even the German Shane Long can’t miss that one.  Brilliant goal.  Shit.

We all know we’re not coming back from that and the only question was if Chelsea would score again. Mason Skate Bastard has come on and gets in one on the right hand side and fires it across to where Lukaku manages to hit the post from about 3 yards, with the ball rebounding to Azpilicueta, who manages to hit the bar from about 3 yards and it pings over to the Chelsea left where Ben Chilwell produces a ridiculous left-footed volley to smash it at the near post with McCarthy acrobatically clawing it away.  Oh dear, Martin Atkinson‘s watch it’s telling him something and it isn’t that time is up…. and the goal is given.  Brilliant effort by Macca but 3-1 it is.

Well that’s the end of that. We can’t really have too many complaints. Of the key incidents, the red card is probably correct and the second Chelsea goal which won the game is basically a brilliant goal that we really couldn’t do much about and was a testament to the quality that Chelsea have got in their squad.

Like I say, you can’t have too many complaints about the red card. It’s annoying because it only comes about because Mendy plays a shit ball into Jorginho, so JWP is entitled to go for it but once he goes for it, he is very late and Jorginho has already flipped the ball away. Jorginho doesn’t help of course, folding himself in half backwards and screaming like a baby pig but once Martin Atkinson went to the monitor at Mike Dean’s behest, JWP was always going to end up walking.  Once that happened it was always going to be a case of whether Chelsea could find a way of breaching our very resolute defence and that’s what they did.

I was getting really irritated in the first half because we had absolutely no goal threat past the edge of the penalty area. We had a shot from JWP from the edge of the box and the KWP cross which Walcott couldn’t quite connect with but otherwise, there was absolutely nothing with Tella, Redmond and Walcott producing absolutely nothing and Adam Armstrong again proving that his game is not suited to playing as a lone front man. Once we scored with the penalty, all of that was kind of forgiven and it look like the end might justify the means…. but not to be.

There are questions though. Why is Bombproof Redmond immune to being left out? In the last two games he’s been subbed on 45 and 60 minutes but he still the first name on the team sheet. Nathan Tella was behind Shane Long, ridiculously, last week and suddenly he is starting.  Elyounoussi gets dropped despite being easily the best of our wide players over the past few weeks (it’s a very low bar, admittedly) and Theo Walcott, on the back off I don’t know what, goes straight into the starting 11.

I thought all the defenders were excellent today. Salisu and particularly Bednarek, kept Lukaku as quiet as anyone is going to keep him this season and KWP and Livramento did decent stuff at both ends of the pitch. Though he let in three goals, Alex McCarthy was more or less faultless throughout and made some ridiculous saves that he had no right to make and Oriol Romeu again showed that centre back is where he is going to end up playing as he gets a little bit older.

It seems that we are the only team that the German Shane Long can score against. Even when presented with an open goal from that brilliant cross by Azpilicueta, Werner nearly managed to miss, hitting it straight under McCarthy. The German Shane long now has seven goals in 41 Premier League games for Chelsea and three of those goals have been against us.

Losing 3-1 to Chelsea it’s not really an issue because it is what we expected from today but losing JWP for what will probably be three matches was not part of the script, especially bearing in mind we still haven’t won a game and the next three are all winnable. We have only scored two goals from open play all season in the Premier League and JWP’s suspension will probably mean that Bombproof Redmond to stays in the team to take free kicks and corners.

Tommy Tuchel is obviously a very good manager but he seems to be a bit of an arsehole. I can’t imagine many of his players actually like him too much. I also expect that he doesn’t care. Fair play to him for using one of his forgotten players because it was Ross Barkley who changed the game today in their favour once the red card happened.  His rant about the disallowed goal that Werner scored in the first half is ridiculous. I know play went on for a while before the ball ended up in the net but Chelsea won the ball through a foul and Saints never got another touch until the ball ended up in the net, so how can you complain about that?  You can argue that it was too long after the foul but there’s no time limit on it so sit down.

Ralph is under pressure now but not from today in isolation. Today we lost to the Champions League winners from a few months ago. Ralph is under a bit of pressure now because the run of very difficult games at the start of the season has now finished and we have failed to pick up a surprise win. The next five games of Leeds, Burnley, Watford, Villa and Norwich, are games that you would think we have to pick up about ten points from. There are no free hits in those games and they are games where he has to pick a side that will create chances and be a goal threat, Regardless of how those teams play against us. The wide players that he picks in those games have to be in the team because they are more likely to create a goal at the other end of the pitch, rather than for their defensive capabilities. For example, Armstrong might not be as good defensively as some but he is infinitely more likely to create something for the strikers or score a goal, so Armstrong has to play.

Before Leeds, it’s yet another international break.  We’re going to start having sodding international breaks at half-time soon, which is probably part of Arsene Wenger’s master plan to Re-Monitise… sorry, I mean revolutionise World Football.