Premier League Match 6 - Southampton 0 Wolves 1

 

Jan With a Perfect View Of The Goal

Wolves at home in what is a game that will shape our perception of how good our start to the season has been. The bottom line is that in all the games we have played so far, if we had won any then it would be a pleasant surprise, so to only lose once and draw four times can definitely be spun as a positive. Win this and we’ve got to 7 points and it will definitely be a positive start to the season. However, fail to win and it doesn’t look as rosy in the garden. It’s a day when we need a performance.

Wolves are going to be very interesting this season because they have been riding a wave since they got promoted under Nuno Espirito Santo and have had two very decent years at Premier League level when they have been upper mid table for the majority of it. Last year was not quite as good as the year before, mainly because they lost their main striker Raul Jiménez to a horrific fractured skull injury and they subsequently struggled to put the ball in the net. There has undoubtedly been some strangeness around the way they tried to replace Jimenez with Fabio Silva and unsurprisingly, the manchild plucked from the Portuguese league for a ridiculously high fee has totally failed to provide the goals that were needed. This season they have looked very short of goals even though Jiménez is now back. They still have Adama Traore of course, despite him not doing and weights and being linked to some ridiculous big-money moves in the summer but these never materialised, probably because either a) it was media/agent bollockspeak or b) clubs actually looked at his end product and decided it really wasn’t worth it.

So, Wolves season could go either way this season with new manager Bruno Lage, and line us, they will be viewing this game as one they can win. Saints are off the back of what is, on the face of it, a fairly positive week with the point at the Etihad and then progression in the Carabao Cup in mid week, even though we made hard work of it.

When I get to the ground, I take a moment to remember that this is only the third game back where the attendance has been unrestricted. The pre-match entertainment has changed a little bit from pre-Covid days with the brass band walking up the side and playing “oh when the Saints” at mind buggering volume. It’s actually quite good because it gets the away fans to shut the fuck up and does build the atmosphere. I do get the impression though that it will will become old hat fairly quickly. Still, it’s better than the fucking mascot dog with a drum.

Ralph doesn’t particularly spring anything interesting with the team selection as it’s the same line-up as Man City apart from the injured Stephens being replaced by Bednarek. I guess that proves that no one really stuck their hands up at mid-week in Sheffield.  It does seem to contradict the ‘horses for courses’ approach we’ve been taking so far.  There is no way that this is the same type of challenge as Man City away is.

So, against a team who don’t know the meaning of the word “attack”, Saints start badly and immediately cough up a chance with some weak play in midfield, allowing Podence and Jimenez to get the ball wide to Semedo who has a clear shot at goal but luckily smashes it straight at McCarthy, who beats it away.

The game settles into a pattern of Saints possession with Wolves sitting very deep.  We aren’t showing much inspiration going forward and it’s quite frankly, boring.  Eventually,a JWP free kick is headed out to about 25 yard out and Romeu decides to have a go at hitting the scoreboard with a shot and only narrowly misses.  You could probably put a bet on that somewhere near where our owner lives.

We then actually get the ball in the net when Livramento takes a throw to Elyounoussi and he chips it into Redmond who controls and finishes smartly but the flag is straight up.  Miles offside.  There is one more moment of relative excitement before half time as Adams nearly catches Wolves keeper Sa, pissing about on his six yard line and half blocks the clearance which we pick up and Adams tees up Armstrong for a shot which is straight at the relived keeper.  Half time and soup is consumed whilst pondering how bad we are at attacking  Lots of effort but no inspiration.  Wolves sure as hell aren’t going to change the game plan so we’re going to have to.  Redmond and KWP are providing nothing down the left as they are both reluctant to go on the outside and there’s next to no link up between the strikers.

No changes at half time and we have a bit more life to us.  KWP brings it forward, plays a nice 1-2 with Adams and sends Armstrong away down the left hand side.  He picks out Livramento across on the other side who drills it at the near post and it’s comfortably blocked by Sa. It’s our best effort by far.  From the resultant corner, the ball hits Semedo and there’s a half arsed shout for a penalty but no chance.  Wolves are not even bothering to try and attack and are just camped in theor own half and eventually Elyounoussi takes aim, sees his shot defelcted and then pushed out by Sa to Che Adams who as normal, can’t put the rebound in and he would’ve been offside anyway.

Adams is in the thick of it moments later as Elyounoussi’s shot hits him in the ass and deflects to Redmond who doesn’t react as quickly as Semedo, who blocks and Sa just picks it up.  Sa looks up and bombs it downfield.  One of the things you will hear coaches of youth football teams say to their defenders is “don’t let it bounce” – obviously not in Poland though as Bednarek takes his eye off it, lets it bounce and then gets in a wrestling match with Jimenez.  He gets thrown off and Salisu tries to make up the ground but Jimenez lets him slide by before sitting Bednarek on his arse again and rolling it into the net as easily as you like because McCarthy looks too far over towards the far post.  Overall – it’s a shocker and what a shock that Jimenez uses Saints to break his post-skull fracture duck.  A great moment for him though and I’m really happy about it for fucks sake.

Jimenez Thanks The Lord for Teams Like Southampton

Broja is on for Adams and Djenepo for Redmond.  Djenepo seems to be on a mission to make something happen – he doesn’t know what exactly but it’s better than before and he gets chopped down by Moutinho.  It’s in the range where you think JWP might be able to score form but not this season so far.  The trajectory is good but there’s not enough on it and Sa walks across and gathers easily.  The Great Wolverhampton Cramp Plague strikes at that moment.  With every minute that passes, another player goes down with cramp or feigns an injury in a tackle.  Referee Andy Madley is letting everything go and I mean everything, so Wolves stop pretending theiy’re hurt in tackles and just go for the cramp option when the ball is out of play.  It’s fucking outrageous but my mind is about to be taken off it.

It’s third sub time and what the actual fuck is this shit? It’s 2021 and Ralph’s decided to make his last roll of the dice, a player who spent the second part of last season not able to get a game for Championship side.  Yep, Shane Long, about 5 years past his sell by date is on for KWP.  Well that will fucking help won’t it?   Nathan Tella is still on the bench and if KWP is coming off, even Perraud or Diallo would be more likely to deliver something going forward.

In amongst Great Wolverhampton Cramp Plague, we don’t do much really.  Djenepo feeds the overlapping Salisu down the left hand side and he shows the value of having a left-footed player out there as he puts over a first time cross, Adam Armstrong flicks it on towards Long so it doesn’t end up on the net.

We finally resort to Bednarek upfront and lumping it forward. We are that shit and have absolutely no idea.  The Great Wolverhampton Cramp Plague happens again and then we make a fuck up another long ball when Jiménez knocks Romeu out the way but this time McCarthy saves it.  Wank.

Well that was fucking dreadful. Our attacking play was non-existent from the first minute to the last.  We had 16 shots apparently… I remember two that forced a save – Livramento’s which was never going in and the Elyounoussi one that deflected.

It really doesn’t matter that Wolves are wasting time like bastards for the whole of the second half and the referee was doing very very little about it because we wouldn’t have scored if we had played until Monday. Our players get into the positions to create but just have absolutely no quality. Che Adams and Adam Armstrong are strikers with very little creativity between them they need the service and neither is the type to create a goal themselves with any regularity.

It’s games like today that remind you that when they are up against a packed defence, all of our wingers are not good enough.  Elyounoussi glides around the pitch and has a lovely first touch but when it comes to actually playing a through ball or putting a cross on someone’s head, forget it.  Redmond is just a ‘wrong option’ disguised as a footballer. There was a moment in the second half when he had the chance to do something creative and all he had to do was lift the ball over defender for Adam Armstrong and he was clean through. He tried to lift it over the defender but hit it about three times harder than he needed to and it just ran through to the goalkeeper. That’s the sort of thing I’m talking about. When the moment comes to show any sort of quality or deftness of touch then he just hasn’t got it. One good thing every 15 games when we play a team that are absolutely shit.  Moussa Djenepo did more in his 20 minutes at the end but again, it’s so infrequent that anything comes off of Moussa and actually connects with one of his teammates.  He’s got ‘something’ but we are in his 3rd season now and we’re still waiting. As has been said before, the only wide player we have who has any quality on any consistent basis is Stuart Armstrong and he is injured.

You could argue that Ralph can’t help the players that he has at his disposal in these areas but there were other problems today that were totally of his own making. The lack of attacking effort was not helped by KWP being on the left-hand side. It just condenses the play into the middle and made it easy for Wolves. Nelson Semedo is an absolute fucking disaster at right back but all he had to do was funnel us inside into the three-man central defensive unit where there was the massive Kilman and Coady sweeping up behind.

Impact Sub in "No Impact" Shocker

So we keep persevering with Redmond, Djenepo and Elyounoussi despite them never really having done it in an attacking sense and then the ultimate piss take is to bring on Shane Long for the last 15 minutes. I virtually have nothing to say about this other than it’s 2021 and we are still giving minutes on the pitch in the Premier League to Shane Long. This is especially fucking weird given that as a club we have been showering ‘Starboy’ Nathan Tella with praise and he played pretty well at Sheffield United during the week, yet he is left on the bench when we need to goal and we bring on Shane Long.  What’s the agenda there?  Is it because he only has a year and a half left on his contract?

Wolves were pretty desperate as an attacking force as well but of course in the one moment that mattered, Raul showed some quality as our defenders obligingly fell over all around him. Bednarek created all his own problems by not heading the initial ball and once he let it bounce, he was weak. There is a suggestion that Jimenez pulled him back but even so, it was weak defending. If that was Jack Stephens who had done that, he would be getting absolutely slaughtered. Salisu tried to bail him out and the last line of defence was the goalkeeper, who for me was not in the right place and made the finish very easy.   Maybe that’s harsh but put it this way, from my view from the Chapel up the other end, I could see exactly where the big gap was for Raul to roll it into the net.  From our point of view, it is an absolutely dreadful goal to concede and like I say, our response was to bring on Shane Long.

I said at the start that this game would shape the perception of how good this team is and how the season has started. This was a depressing crash down to earth after the positives of the points taken against Manchester City and West Ham. We are really going to struggle to score goals this year.  It’s acceptable to not have many decent efforts on goal against the stronger teams but as a Southampton player you earn your money against the teams that are mid-table and lower and today, our attacking performance against a very average Wolves side was absolutely desperate. If that’s the best we’ve got then we are going to struggle.  Ralph has taken some deserved plaudits for the way we have set up against the likes of City and West Ham but today it was absolutely horrible and if we are going to create as little as that against the other mid-table and lower side then it is going to be one hell of a long season.

Chelsea next.  Oh good.

League Cup 3rd Round - Sheffield United 2 Southampton 2 (Saints win 4-3 on penalties)

 

Gonna Miss the Vital Penalty Later On, You Arsehole!

Sheffield United away in the Carabao Cup 3rd round at Bramall Lane is certainly not the easiest game we could’ve been given at this stage of the tournament. Whilst I fully expect The Blades to rest players because they will be focused on getting back into the Premier League, they still have a squad of players who have performed relatively well at Premier League level not so long ago. Fleck, Baldock, Egan, Hourihane and Bogle are all half decent and then they’ve got a couple they were shit at Premier League level like Rhian Brewster who did, lest we forget, cost them more than Saints have ever paid for a player. They will of course have Ollie McBurnie.  How could I forget – oh yeah, I know, I forgot him because he’s a twat. Who remembers in pulling out a ridiculous dive at St Mary’s and injuring his shoulder when he landed. Hilarious.

I am anticipating the debut of our latest signing today which was the whole £6 million we spent on Lyanco Vojnovic from Torino. All we’ve seen of him so far is his social media, which has been a mixture of good wholesome family stuff and mad promoting of the club, which is to be applauded. He does seem like a real character so I’m really hoping that he is playing tonight.

In the aftermath of the Manchester City game, there has been a concerted media campaign about “the foul” in much the same way that there was when Bruno Fernandes got tackled, which led to the first goal at St Mary’s. This of course is a big dirty lie because it’s Southampton of course and no one gives a fuck. I had it said to me on Twitter by a sad bitter United fan, probably based overseas, that the Walker charge on Adam Armstrong was the same as the Stephens / Fernandes incident. Yeah, just a couple of major differences, Jack Stephens got the fucking ball and a decision wasn’t overturned by VAR.  We March On.

Our team for today was in the event, surprisingly predictable. Fraser returned in goal, Valery and Perraud at full-backs with Lyanco making his debut alongside Salisu. There was a surprise in midfield where JWP was rested to bring in Diallo. Redmond and Djenepo were on the wings with Broja and Tella upfront. The Blades rested quite a few. There was no Billy Sharp or David McGoldrick but Arsehole McBurnie was in the team along with Brewster, still searching for his first goal.

Away we go and very disjointed.  It only took us eight minutes to go behind with Bogle getting past Perraud far too easily following a throw and his pull-back went right across to the left hand side where ex-Skate Enda Stevens was completely unmarked and rammed it into the net giving Forster no chance. It’s tempting to look at Valery because it’s his man who scored but Valery is picking up someone else so there is clearly been some sort of communication issue somewhere but either way, one fucking nil down and a Skate has scored. Tremendous.

The Lyanco-Salisu centre back pairing doesn’t look too clever and Ollie Burke gets away down the left before crossing right across the 6 yard box but thankfully no one is there.  Up the other end through Valery and via Broja, the ball is worked back to Romeu, who clips it in first time and there to glance a free header into the net for about 10 yards out is Ibrahima Diallo for his first ever goal against anybody. Football is a simple game, get good crosses into the box and have runners arriving from midfield.

Lyanco is having a right battle with Arsehole McBurnie but he ends up on his arse in one challenge and N’Diaye gets a run at Salisu. Through the legs he goes with a possible accidental nutmeg but thankfully he shat himself as Fraser came out and poked it wide.

McBurnie then leaves something on Lyanco as he heads the ball away, which Lyanco is not terribly happy with and Valery stands up for his man but McBurnie of course gives him a shove into Lyanco and it all kicks off. A yellow card for both Lyanco and the Arsehole and level at half time.

The second-half starts with the anonymous Redmond now being even more anonymous on the bench and JWP has come on and we seem to have shuffled to a back three with Romeu dropping in between Lyanco and Salisu – the theory is that as Lyanco’s interpreter, Ori can sort him out a bit. We start off with a decent move down the left which eventually leads to a shot from Diallo which Broja catches (literally) in an offside position before rolling it into the net. That’s not going to count for all sorts of reasons.

A few minutes later, after a good run and cross by Perraud and a shot from Tella, we win a corner. Tella rolls it short to JWP who gives it back to him and Tella makes his way towards the penalty area before rolling across low and Salisu has darted away from his marker to side foot it into the net. Really good finish from the big man and 2-1 and we really should close this out now.

Quality Finish From the Big Man

Where would be the fun in that though?  The lead doesn’t last long as we try and play the ball across the defence with JWP and Romeu being on one wavelength and Lyanco being on a different one altogether.  His attempted return pass to JWP is a shocker and presents it to the opposition.  A quick cross to the back stick and there is the Arsehole McBurnie and he really can’t miss. Bollocks.

There is a chance to win it in the last five minutes. Che Adams has come on as a sub and is getting a huge amount of stick from the Blades fans because he left Sheffield United about six years ago, which seems kind of pathetic but he produces one of those Che Adams misses that you cannot quite get your head around as Perraud gets down the left and puts over a wonderful curling cross and Adams meets it 5 yards out gets a good connection and smashes it towards the goal but the goalkeeper Foderingham somehow throws himself across and claws it out. Great save but how the fuck has he not scored that?

There is one last chance to win it as Broja goes barrelling away down the right hand side leaving a trail of players in his wake before getting his head up and playing a lovely ball across to where the sliding Adams can’t get a touch and Shefford United get away with it again.

Straight to penalties it is then.  It’s hardly England in the Euros Final but tense nonetheless.  No one wants to lose to a team with Arsehole McBurnie in it.

JWP – well we know what side it’s going…. top corner, good luck saving that! 1-0

Norwood – you realise just how big Forster is in this scenario…. Goal, he’s properly hit that and a good pen but Forster has got fairly close to it. 1-1

Che Adams (Booooooooo! Booooooooo! – why are we booing Dad?  It’s what we do son, Boooooo!) – Goal, ssssshhhhh! 2-1

Brewster – This has got to be a chance, his confidence must be lower than McBurnie’s IQ, here he comes, oooooh, dance steps, that always works…. SAVED!  To be fair, he’s hit that well and it’s a great save by the big man.  2-1 Advantage Saints. Has Brewster actually scored for Sheffield United yet – even in training?  Fancy doing the wanky stutter steps, which worked so well in the Euros for England. Anyone want to do that thing where you divide Brewster’s transfer fee by the number of goals he’s scored and work out how much each goal cost. You can’t because dividing by fucking zero is a bit of a hard thing to do.

Fraser Was Not About to be the First Keeper Brewster Scored Against

Back to the pens - Armando Broja is next, hmmmm, not over confident as he’s not had a great game… and off a short run up he absolutely lamps it to the goalkeepers right but to be fair, Foderingham takes off and pulls off and equally impressive saved to the one that Fraser just pulled off – Balls, 2-1, one miss each.

Osborne – everyone has gone keepers right so far…. creams it down the middle and Fraser is going to his right again, 2-2

Diallo – I have confidence in the man…. off a short run…. casually sidefoots it past the keeper to the left. Lovely pen, 3-2

Arsehole McBurney - Miss it you big fucking shit house, miss it, then start a fight with yourself you twat….. bang, keepers left, SAVED Fraser, fuck you McBurnie.  3-2 and Match Point and it’s your fault.

I can’t think who’s going to be next…. Perraud?... Romeu – ok then.  Tonight’s captain strolls up and…. casually sends the keeper the wrong way to put us through to the last 16.  Get in!!!

Well we certainly made unnecessarily hard work of that but if we’d closed it out for a 2-1 win, we wouldn’t have got to see Arsehole McBurnie missing the kick that sent his team out of the League Cup, so putting ourselves through a penalty shootout was well worth it in the end.

The main talking point for us that I was always going to be the performance of the Lyanco and how he settled in. To be fair, he had a bit of a shocker at times but as Ralph has said, it is always going to take time with him being new to the country, not speaking the language and Sheffield United are about as far removed from the football he is used to that anyone could be. Give him time. There are plenty of players around who have not had great debuts but have become consistent performers. Jan Bednarek is a good example of someone who joined for a similar sort of fee and look like he didn’t have a clue for his first four or five games.

Talking of our central defenders, it was revealed by Ralph after the game that Jack Stephens will be out for about 12 weeks with a knee injury which is not great news. It’s desperately unlucky for Jack who had gone from 4^th choice last season to being a first team regular and it does mean that Lyanco is now the first choice replacement so he might not have as much time as Ralph would like to adapt to English football. There is of course also the option of promoting Dynel Simeu from the B team and I imagine that will happen.

It was nice for Fraser Forster to have a moment in the Sun. He is certainly the best goalkeeper we’ve got when it comes to saving penalties so that worked out well today. Another interesting performance today was Ibrahima Diallo who played slightly further forward at various points of the game especially in the second half. It was good for him to prove to himself that he can be a gold threat as well. From what I saw I was slightly disappointed with Armando Broja who needs to work on his consistency because for about 80 minutes of this game, he seemed very static.

There is a certain irony that the only job that Harry Redknapp is suitable for in football these days is drawing balls out of a sack, bearing in mind but he looks like a ball sack.  I know it’s not Harry‘s fault but we didn’t have long to wait to find out who we were playing once the draw had commenced and we were in the first game drawn out and got fucking Chelsea away from home. Well, bollocks!. Let’s enjoy tonight’s excitement and bring on the Wolves on Sunday.

Premier League Match 5 Manchester City 0 Southampton 0

 

All Friends At the End

Manchester City at the Etihad. Seriously, what’s the point? Similar to ourselves, they lost their best striker but whereas we replaced Danny Ings by signing a Championship striker who had one year left on his contract and then haggling the fee down a bit, they spent £100 million on a midfielder and found another striker within their squad who happens to be the starting striker for the Spanish national team. I’m talking of course about Jack Grealish and Ferran Torres. These are the levels at which these two clubs are operating. Like with Manchester United a few weeks back, the game starts with both teams having 11 players on the pitch and there the similarity ends.  It wasn’t always this way of course and in the build up to the game, Saints social media team have been finding highlights from many victories against Manchester City from down the years because up until the Sheikh turned up, Manchester City were basically the same sort of level that we were.  The Sheikh has obviously transformed the way Manchester City are but this won’t be happening again for any other middle of the road side any time soon because all of the current big boys are keen to ringfence what they have and make sure it stays that way. Like with Manchester United a few weeks ago, us fans of the “Other 14” can’t forget that and we all know that the Super League is going to re-emerge in another guise at some point in the future. I wonder how long it took the Sheikh to find the £3 million fine that City had to pay, for their dalliance with the Super League. He probably earned that much whilst he was having his breakfast this morning.

When we played Aston Villa last year the rule of thumb was that if you stoped Jack Grealish, then you stopped Aston Villa and it was a fairly legitimate tactic to focus on him. Stop Jack Grealish today and we just have the other 9 players to worry about or 10 if you include the goalkeeper, who usually racks up more assists per season than all of our wingers combined.  It is hard not to be a fan of the way City play but on the other end, it’s like they’ve got a machine gun and everyone else has a pea-shooter.  The last two teams that have been to the Etihad are Norwich and Arsenal and though you expect relegation candidates like those two to struggle, it was absolutely no surprise that they came away with 5-0 beatings.. There’s no real point in talking about Manchester City’s threats. Whatever combination of De Bruyne, Sterling, Mahrez, Torres, Jesus, Grealish, Barnardo and Gundogan they choose to play, they’re going to have to have an almighty off day for us to get anything out of this game. For what it’s worth, I would go with the same formation that we played last week, with some pace on the wings and up front.

The weekly game of ‘Guess the Team’ has no winner again as it looks like we’re back to 4-2-2-2.  I can’t get my head around Salisu getting dropped for Bednarek and Redmond has been preferred to Djenepo, which seems odd given the defensive discipline or Moussa last week.  KWP is in for Perraud and Che Adams returns.  City’s team has quite a few expensive players in it and the bench includes de Bruyne, Foden and Mahrez.  Insane.  After Pep’s midweek whine about empty seats, the ground is full.  You’ve only come to see Southampton (get thumped 5-0).

Here we go… can we get to 10 minutes without conceding.  Actually, we look decent and have the first goalmouth incident as JWP swings over a free kick from the left and everyone misses it forcing Ederson to take off and push it wide.  We don’t get a corner though because the whistle has gone for some arbitrary foul as everyone ran in.

City;s first threat is not long in coming as City fire it in low from the right and Gungogan is lurking but Livramento has read it in the exact way that Cedric never did and gets his body between player and ball and the danger passes.  Another near opening as Walker crosses from the right and it drifts over Stephens in trademark fashion and thankfully, Gundogan is not six foot tall and can only head high and wide.

Oh shit… Stephens has gone down with no one near him – that’s not good.  It’s ne of those ones where you know he’s done for the day and off he hobbles to be replaced by Salisu, with Bednarek swapping to his more natural right hand side.  In amongst all this we’ve got to 40 minutes and it’s been good.  We’ve won the ball high quite a few times, mainly off of Fernandinho and have looked a threat.  We always seem to choose the wrong ball though when we have half an opening.  Mind you, City are the same and their team cost billions. 

No doubt Pep will have been whinging about something at half time and he won’t have been cheered up when the ball goes to Gabriel Jesus-Christ-That-Was-Shit on the edge of the box and he launches it into the stands.  They look a little bit rattled at our refusal to lose 5-0 and Cancelo bursts into the box and produces a dive that is so bad he can barely bring himself to appeal for a penalty.  He does look longingly at Fat Jon Moss though so he should be booked but he isn’t of course.  I’ll just settle for no penalty being given.

Bloody hell, we’re actually the better side as Romeu combines with KWP and Armstrong to free Redmond who predictably picks out a big empty space in the penalty area.  N oworries though because we in it back a couple of times as City try and play out with Romeu sending Adams running at the penalty area but he drags his shot across and wide of the far post.

Kyle Walker is casually strolling forward with the ball and he appears to be buffering as he stands still for a few seconds and then tries to pass it, allowing Redmond to get a foot in.  On it goes to Armstrong who fakes to shoot and cuts inside Dias and as he’s about to shoot, Walker gets back and bundles him over.  Fat Boy Moss has given it.  Come on!!!  JWP grabs the ball and Moss then waves a red card at Walker with City surrounding the referee.  Off we go to Stockley Park and apparently, it’s Martin Atkinson.

Clearly Not a Foul... My Arse.

“Mossy, Mossy, It’s Martin Atkinson here….  Mossy, MOSSY!!!”
“What’s up Martin?”
“What the actual fuck are you doing man?”
“Penalty and a red card Martin, obviously”
“For starters Mossy, the new Double Jeopardy Rule….”
“What’s that?”
“Oh you won’t know Mossy.. and why is that exactly…?”
“Doh – was I asleep I the ‘new rules’ briefing.  I’d had a big dinner…”
“Yeah, we all heard you snoring on the Zoom call you fat pillock”
“What should I do Martin?”
“It’s not just that is it Mossy – you’ve given a penalty for Southampton at the Etihad, in the second half, at 0-0, for fucks sake man”
“Big Mikey Dean’s gonna be angry with me isn’t he?”
“What does Mike say – Soft Southern Bastards.  Repeat after me”
“Soft Southern Bastards Martin…. So, no red card then?”
“Course not… now, I’m not taking responsibility for your shit.  I’m sending you to the monitor”
“OK… it’s still a penalty though yeah?”
“Of course it fucking isn’t”
“But won’t it get reviewed later and I’ll get demoted.”
“No chance. It’s Southampton – no one gives a fuck”

Overturned, fuck off.  Penalty and a red card given on the pitch and we end up with fuck all.

Broja is on for Adams and over the course of a few minutes, City send on de Bruyne, Foden and Mahrez.  Has there ever been three subs that good brought on in the Premier League?  I doubt it.  In amongst all the subs being made, Saints are still playing good football and a move instigated by Romeu ends up with a snapshot from Armstrong which he doesn’t really get hold of but it forces Ederson to make a save.

As we reach 85, we beginning to get penned back as the increase in quality from their bench begins to take hold.  The commitment to keeping City out is remarkable though with Livramento blocking a piledriver from Mahrez but if it hadn’t hit Tino, JWP and Romeu were right behind it as well.

Sterling then manages to wriggles past both JWP and Romeu as he cuts in from the left but there is the imposing Salisu to block to ensure that McCarthy has still not had a save to make,   Tino gets away with a ropey tackle on Sterling which he would undoubtably have been sent off for last season and Ralph gets him off, bringing KWP to the right and sending on Perraud.

5 minutes to be added, mainly for the farcical VAR interlude and two minutes into it, de Bruyne crosses from our left, Redmond has dozed off and lost Foden who thumps a header goalwards and though McCarthy saves superbly, it pops up for Sterling to knock it in…. fuck… offside flag up…. Ahhhhhh! Take nothing for granted though… off to Stockley Park.

“Hello Martin it’s Mossy – I gave the goal but the lino has his flag up”
“OK Mossy, it’s gonna take me a while to prove it’s a goal”
“But I’m hungry Martin and it’s 45 minutes since I last had dinner”
“Hang on, I’ve got to draw the new thick lines on the etch-a-sketch”
“I’m hungry”
“FODEN IS ONSIDE… give the goal Mossy”
“Ward-Prowse has just said to me that Sterling was offside”
“He can fuck off… oh ok I’ll check it…”
“Any news Martin?  I’m getting stomach cramps”
“SHIT!!..Sterling’s offside – even I can’t give that one”
“But the keeper saved it so it’s a new phase, isn’t it?”
“No Mossy, you were clearly asleep in that briefing as well – just add five minutes on the end”
“I’ll do 3 as a compromise as I’m hungry. Thanks Martin, over and out”

94, 95… right that’s it, 96, 97.. blow the whistle Moss you fat twat…. Finally… Full time, great performance, great and thoroughly deserved point.  Where shall we start…?

So what are the rules now with VAR? As far as I understand it, if VAR shows the decision given on pitch to be completely wrong then you overturn the decision, otherwise you go with the on-field decision. There is no way you can categorically say that that wasn’t a foul by Kyle Walker and it’s absolutely fucking ridiculous that it got overturned.

To me, it’s only obviously wrong, if having reviewed the pictures, you see that Kyle Walker touched the ball which he clearly did not. The argument that Armstrong was on his way down before Walker challenged him is absolute bollocks - he’s on his way down because the first contact is Walkers arm hitting Armstrong shoulders.  Everyone seemed to be focussing on the feet but for me, that’s not where the first contact was.  I was initially going to say that you can’t really blame Jon Moss too much for it because he gave the penalty in the first place but then again, he reviewed the footage pitch side and changed his mind, so he is a useless fat wheezing old twat after all. Maybe he was intimidated by all the City players crowding round him whilst the Martin Atkinson tried to make his fucking mind up.  Atkinson should never have called him over.  Atkinson should have been saying to himself “is it definitely a wrong decision?.... No it isn’t”.  End of story.

Mossy Shites His Pants as City Complain About How Disadvantaged They Are

In the media, I see that Michael Owen said that Armstrong initiated the contact which is a neat trick when you are in front of a player facing away from him.  Fucking idiot.  As for those in the media saying it evened itself out because the goal was disallowed at the end – fuck off.  That was clearly fucking offside and that has got nothing to do with evening things out. Offsides are a yes or no thing whereas a foul for a penalty is down to interpretation by two shite referees.  Other than on that incident, I actually thought Moss refereed the game quite well apart from failing to book Cancelo and Sterling for very obvious dives around our penalty area.  John Moss is like Kryptonite for Saints – horrific last year either on the pitch or when he was on VAR and he’s started this season the same way.

None of this should detract away from what was a superb performance by us to leave the Etihad with a point that we completely deserved. If anything, we were the better side and if we only had slightly more quality service coming into the box, we would’ve won this game. I’m not having Guardiola complaining about having a Champions League game midweek for fuck‘s sake. They could’ve named a completely different 11 players to those who played in midweek and they should still have beaten us. Bringing on De Bruyne, Foden and Mahrez off the bench for fuck‘s sake. How can you pretend in any way the City were disadvantaged in any way.  Just fuck off.  It’s interesting with Manchester City. Even they have some players who are not as good as some of the others. Personally, I was delighted to see Bernardo Silva, Nathan Ake and Gabriel Jesus starting and to a lesser extent, Raheem Sterling.  Of course, if we had a space £300 million or so I’d have them all at Saints (well, except maybe Gabriel Jesus).

It looks like we are all bowing down to Ralph again as his tactics were spot-on despite me/us having another head scratching moment when the team was announced. There were no shirkers out there today with everyone put in a shift in including the subs that came on. We overcame the early loss of Stephens and the other two substitutes were introduced at the right time. We carried a threat at all times, which made City have to think instead of doing what are usually do which is to play keep ball around the edge of the opposition box with all 10 of their outfield players in the final 35 yards.

I was doing what are usually do when watching games against City and just taking it in 10 minute instalments. When we got to about 30 minutes without having conceded, it was obviously still a long shot but we had a chance and City were getting visibly frustrated. Half-time came and went and the first 15 minutes of the second-half went past without incident at our end of the pitch.  The game plan would’ve been executed to perfection if we had taken the lead at that point and of course we had the overturned penalty but defensively, it wasn’t until the 90th minute that City had an attempt on goal and that was a fantastic save by McCarthy because if he doesn’t save that, the offside doesn’t get given and we lose 1-0.

It’s hard to pick out individual players today but Oriol Romeu, having been a bit off the pace last week was absolutely outstanding, doing as usual winning of tackles and breaking up play but also using the ball really intelligently and never giving it away.  No wonder Pep rates him so highly.  JWP also shone in midfield and I have to say that I was impressed once again with Elyounoussi.  The midfield pressing was one factor in us getting a result today. It was amazing how few times City managed to pass their way through the midfield and get at the defence.  Fernandinho is getting on a bit and it looked like it yesterday as he was swamped every time he got the ball. I remember Gundogan heading up a difficult chance over the bar in the first few minutes but apart from that I don’t think I saw him. Livramento had a tough game against Grealish but in the main stood up well and all three central defenders kept concentration throughout, helped by the fact that you can always rely on Sterling and Gabriel Jesus have a shit touch when you most need them to.  KWP was tremendous at left back as well which makes Ralph’s selections even more difficult, with Perraud and Thierry Small also looking for regular game time.

I tuned into Match of the Day to watch the highlights, which where strange.  If you hadn’t watched the 90 minutes then you definitely didn’t get an accurate summary.  The highlights just showed Manchester City getting anywhere near our goal and the penalty shout and that was basically it. Then, when Jermaine Jenas was doing his analysis, it was all about Saints attacking play and how are the little bit more quality we could and should have won.

It’s a busy week next week with the Carabao Cup tie at Sheffield United and Wolves at home next Sunday.  The Blades game should see Lyanco make a debut, which should be fun in a mental kind of way and the Wolves game is one that will shape the perception of the start of the season we’ve had.  Win that and 7 points so far will look like a pretty good start bearing in mind our fixtures.  Up the fucking Saints.

Premier League Match 4 - Southampton 0 West Ham United 0

 

One Man Rampaging Front Line. Sign Him Up.

After yet another tedious international break, the season gets back into swing today with our fourth attempt at getting our first win, at home to West Ham United.  The international break saw England comfortably beat two crap teams in Hungary and Andorra and then concede a last-minute equaliser to draw in Poland with another Southgate masterclass of dropping deeper and deeper, not making any decisions and us conceding a last-minute goal. As far as Saints were concerned, he dropped his real masterclass in the Andorra game by playing Trent Alexander-Arnold in midfield and what was his first game ever of men’s football in that position.  If I was JWP and I’ve just been left out of the Euros Squad with my 300-odd Premier League appearances in midfield and sitting at home watching that, I would’ve kicked the television in and been on the phone to my parents to find out if I had a Scottish or Welsh relative.  Needless to say, Trent was absolutely shit in midfield against sub-Conference level opposition and was moved to his normal position at half time, when Southgate put Reece James, another right back in midfield.  The other Saints related news from the England camp was that Tino Livramento made his debut is a late substitute for the Under 21s, so as Gareth Southgate certainly likes a right back, we can expect him to be in the full squad soon.

Back to today and what can we say about West Ham that hasn’t said recently.  It’s a really interesting club at the moment because they’ve got an ownership of the vast majority of fans can’t stand, yet the team on the pitch is the best West Ham side, certainly in terms of league form, that I can remember since the days of Tony Cottee and Frank McAvennie.  David Moyes is certainly getting things right on the pitch and has built a team with strength and power right through the middle of it, which rivals any of the Everton teams that he built his reputation on.  A spine of Fabianski, Ogbonna, Dawson, Rice, Soucek and Antonio is very good and when you supplement that with excellent full-backs in Coufal and Cresswell and productive attacking players like Bowen, Benrahma and Fornals, you have a bloody good side on your hands. For me, they are a good outside bet to finish in the top four this season if any of the traditional big boys to drop away at all.

The big danger to us of course is Michael Antonio who most people forget, was on-loan with us once upon a time, after which he went back to Reading and we didn't buy him when they eventually sold him on for some reason - probably that Alan Pardew had left the club.. Back then he had raw potential and of course scored in the JPT final for us, but now he is the real deal, particularly against us. It’s always a bit of a relief when he’s injured and our game comes around but that doesn’t appear to be the case this time. Our defenders really have to stand up to the physical challenge today and that worries me slightly.

Usually when a team is doing well, nothing else really matters and the owners can expect to get a not too much flak from the fan base but I have to admire the majority of West Ham fans with their dedication to the cause of “GSB out”, with the GSB of course being the Dildo Brothers Gold and Sullivan, and Karen Brady. The scars of moving from Upton Park will not be healed in the short term and the new virtually free stadium will always be shit, no matter how many people you can get into it.  There’s probably a bit of an uneasy truce with the team doing well but one false move and it all kicks off.  That false move will probably be when Declan Rice gets sold.

Ralph’s press conference revealed that we have a few injuries with Stuart Armstrong not yet ready and Theo Walcott having picked up a new ailment. He also said that our new social media star Lyanco, is not yet ready but I would expect to see him on the bench. Lyanco’s social media has been amusing, not in a Mario Lemina way but actually in quite good way because he seems very enthusiastic and it’s hard to be cynical about that.  He has this rather curious nickname of The Gorilla. You would normally think that it would be good to play that sort of thing down until you’ve had a couple of decent performances for your new club but the guy clearly doesn’t lack confidence and is clearly mental.

Oh yeah, I wonder if the turnstiles will work today?  Update – they did!

The team announcement is another mind-boggling one with only Adam Armstrong picked out of the regular strikers and so it looks like we have Redmond playing up front with Adams, Broja and Tella all on the bench.  I mean, Redmond probably deserves to start after the Newcastle performance but up front? The good news is that Lyanco is on the bench, dressed in a comedy gorilla suit – ok, I might have made that bit up. West Ham have named the same side as usual with their recent expensive acquisitions, Zouma, Kral and Vlasic on the bench.

The first half happened, it was dull. There were a couple of half chances where our fullbacks were the architects. First of all Armstrong sent Livramento away on the right hand side and he swung a cross in which was too close to the goalkeeper and Fabianski ended up catching it and crashing into his own post and probably had a heart attack for a brief moment but he got away with it.  About five minutes before the break Salisu and Djenepo combined to put Perraud away down the left and he fired in a brute of a cross along the 6 yard line but there was no one there to finish it off. The reason for that was that we playing very very differently to how we normally do.  Basically, the defence was a lot deeper than usual and we were not pressing high, which meant that we were getting people forward from midfield. Romeu was sitting just at the back four as you would expect but the wingers were performing defensive duties mainly and the player who was supposed to be getting near the striker was Elyounoussi, who was having to try and time his runs from a long way out. Stalemate. Boring. Half-time.

Salisu: Bigger and Faster Than You

West Ham had their first big chance of the game as following our own corner, Romeu gave the ball away and West Ham broke quickly through Benrahma. He eventually found Antonio who tried a snapshot from out wide which McCarthy saved at the near post. West Ham‘s next attack brought a corner and we got very lucky as the Zonal Blocking Non-Marking Clusterfuck system went to shit again and both Dawson and Ogbonna should’ve scored but eventually the ball ended up with us and we broke down the right hand side through Adam Armstrong.  He played a superb ball to Redmond arriving on the left hand side but where a touch and a left foot shot was required, Redmond did his usual and try to cut back past one of the closing defenders and lost the ball only to regain it and then lash out over the bar from a tight angle.  Why take two touches when you can take seven and fuck it up.

Ralph is getting into this early sub lark and this time it’s the booked Romeu who goes off with Diallo taking his place and JWP moving into the slot just in front of the back 4.

There was a bit of a flashpoint over in the right back area as Antonio tried to spin in behind Stephens who held him back and both players fell to the ground. They got back up with a handbag each and started wrestling, with Antonio grabbing Stephens and throwing him to the ground. Though our chief shit house undoubtedly started it, Antonio’s reaction should probably have brought a red card on its own but referee David Coote, was always going to bottle it so it was a yellow each with Jack Stephens barely able to contain his laughter.

West Ham seemed to be turning the screw of it around 70th minute with Coufal making a rare incursion down their right and putting over a cross which Soucek headed over and we were indebted to McCarthy again as Livramento’s headed clearance dropped to Bowen who saw his first time volley acrobatically tipped over the bar.

Saints are creating nothing and they do need something different upfront and the next substitution was to bring on Armando Broja in place of Adam Armstrong. Broja’s first contribution was to pick up a decent ball down the line from Redmond and just trust his pace to get the better of Ogbonna as he knocked into the wide open grass and just went, leaving the West Ham defender for dead. He got his head up and played into the path of Elyounoussi who just couldn’t quite get there before the defender.

Broja’s arrival had lifted the crowd and Craig Dawson made an almighty bollocks in the centre of midfield and Broja was away again with just Ogbonna to beat and once more he just ran headlong at the goal, got to about 25 yards out and then skimmed a shot past Fabianski and saw it bounce off the far post and away.  The boy looks a serious player.

The introduction of the Slough Albanian has turned the game on its head and Saints were the only team that were going to score in the last 15 minutes.  Unfortunately, the closest we came was a corner from JWP on the left hand side which was met once more by Broja his header beat Fabianski but was kicked off the line by Declan Rice.

The last Incident of the game was Michael Antonio having a complete brain fart and launching into Djenepo on the edge of our own box, going in late and high and his second booking and off you go.  Djenepo’s clearance had gone straight to Diallo who was charging forward but Coote brought it back.  Fuck sake.

Well that was a strange game. The end result justified the means I guess but it was a slightly painful game to watch. We sat a lot deeper than we normally do which was to nullify the threat of Antonio in behind the defence and make sure that West Ham couldn’t break on us. Whilst that was a positive and it’s great to keep a clean sheet, it meant that we couldn’t get anything at all going in terms of threat going forward. There were no ball wins high up the pitch, which has been the Gospel according to Ralph since day one and instead we had to try and pass through West Ham from deep and we weren’t capable of stringing three passes together for most of the game. An upside of not chasing around like madmen to win the ball back in their half was of course that we had some energy left in the last 15 minutes and finished by far the stronger side against a team that is usually just too powerful for us.

Playing as we did in what was virtually a 451 or 4141 formation, the lone striker was Adam Armstrong and he is the least suitable striker we have for playing up front on his own. Armando Broja on the other hand looks the part in terms of physical presence, pace and directness. When he was thrown on for the last 15 minutes, he managed to hit the post and have one cleared off the line and we looks like the only team capable of winning it but that leaves you with the slight feeling of what might have been had we believed in ourselves going forward a little bit more and been more positive about it.

A couple of times we have breaks and just weren’t positive. We didn’t go for goal and we ended up delaying and then sideways and backwards. It will surprise no one that Nathan Redmond was the worst offender, managing not to shoot when clean through and giving the defender a chance to get back at him which of course he did. There seem to be a lack of movement up front for the first hour of the game where we had Livramento carrying the ball out of defence and eventually having absolutely no one to pass to.

Defensively we were excellent with Salisu and Antonio having a right battle in the first half, which Salisu won. There was no quarter asked or given and it was good to see them shaking hands after every coming together. Antonio tried to play down Jack Stephens channel in the second half and he got no change out of Jack either.  He did however get shithoused and let himself down by getting sent off. Romain Perraud had his best game so far and McCarthy behind him was excellent in dealing with everything that he had to deal with. A couple of dodgy looking passes to the defenders in front of him but they probably looked worse from where I was and what they actually were.  Apparently, it’s our first clean sheet for about 16 games and only our second one in about 30 which is certainly not to be sniffed at. I’m still mystified as to why KWP isn’t in the defence (imagine KWP are right back today with Livramento on the right wing instead of Redmond) but today’s back four was completely different to the back four that was first choice throughout last season, so fair play to them.

I never thought I’d hear myself say this a key component of their defensive effort was Moussa Djenepo, who did a very disciplined job out on the left-hand side, tracking Coufal whenever he got anywhere near our half.  It restricted him slightly getting forward and he was not often in the position to support attacks but he had obviously been given a job to do and did it well, lasting 90 minutes which is unusual for him. The wildcard today was Elyounoussi playing just off of Adam Armstrong. At international level he plays off of Erling Haaland which must be a little bit easier. Elyounoussi started well but disappeared out of the game for a large portion of the second half to the extent that I forgot he was on the pitch, before coming alive again in the last 15 minutes.

Tactically Ralph did something different today and we were all calling for him to have more than one game plan and now he has the options and I'm not just talking about the wardrobe.  Different players and different formations for different games are going to keep on happening and we are going to have to get used to it.  Today’s result justifies the means even though the football wasn’t the most entertaining. He would’ve got absolutely slaughtered if we got beat 1-0 or something so you have to give him credit for us getting a point which is what we would’ve all settled for before the start.  Because it was a new system. he decided to go with the players who weren’t away on international duty which is a brave call but once again the end result justifies the means. However, choosing to do without some of your best players is a bit of a bizarre one. West Ham had exactly the same team out that they’ve had since the start of the season and I don’t expect David Moyes even thought about giving Rice or Soucek a week off.  The early sub turned out to be the right call with Romeu (who was also not having a great game) on a yellow card.  I say that because Moyes left Antonio on and look what happened.  Ralph was not happy with the ref stopping the game for the Antonio incident and I can see both sides of this one.  On one hand, Saints are away and it’s a clear advantage.  On the other, it’s a red card for Antonio – what if we’d lost the ball on the advantage and then West Ham find Antonio who scores?

If I was a neutral, I would’ve been somewhat disappointed with West Ham. The best player is Declan Rice by an absolute mile and every performance like that will crank up the smile on the wizened old features of David Gold as he adds another million to the transfer fee they are going to ask for. When you look at some of the other players who have been getting rave reviews recently, you realise that when they are not given space by the opposition, they are not as good are you expect. Antonio’s first touch was usually dreadful and Soucek is another who has a similar issue. We stopped them playing today and they didn’t really have any answers whereas usually, we just let them fucking run riot.  None of Fornals, Benrahma or Bowen set the world alight either. David Moyes seemed happy enough with a point afterwards and had no complaints about Antonio getting sent off.

Having now played four fixtures that we usually get nothing out of and only losing once we now have to get our first win from somewhere. Next week, of course we’ve got fucking Manchester City away from home. Great. It’ll be interesting to see what tactical masterclass Ralph comes up with for that game. If you asked me now I’d settle for anything that keeps the score down.