Premier League Match 38 - Southampton 3 Sheffield United 1

"But Boss, We're Going to Look Fucking Stupid Doing This With No Fans"

And so this season finally ends with the visit of Sheffield United to an empty St Mary‘s. As I write, Sky are sorting out their schedules for the final Sunday of the season and I’m sure that the race for 11th will be on the priority channels. We will guarantee 11th place if we get a better result than Everton get against Bournemouth at Goodison Park. I guess that Bournemouth have a little bit of motivation for their own purposes.

Sheffield United have been one of the stories of the season, coming straight out of the Championship and for a long time, looking like they were going to finish high enough to qualify for the Europa league. That particular dream has died a little bit over the last few weeks but in all honesty, that probably won’t be a bad thing in the long term. Manager Chris Wilder, a former Saints apprentice no less, should be manager of the year. He won’t be of course but if you judge a manager on getting the most out of what he’s got available then Wilder would certainly be the man.

There are other Saints connections as well with Billy Sharp of course being their club captain, though he doesn’t often seem to be in the starting line-up these days. I will always see it as a bit of a black mark against Nigel Adkins that he never gave Billy Sharp a chance in the Premier League when we got promoted in 2012 but I guess sometimes you just have to make decisions on a player. One player I never ever saw as a Premier League player is David McGoldrick, who ironically, usually keeps Sharp out of the team. McGoldrick had the misfortune of having to carry the goalscoring burden in the infamous Poortvliet / Wotte season when we got relegated from the Championship. He was sold to raise funds after our ignominious fall into administration. I don’t think anyone thought he was particularly brilliant but he’s certainly done incredibly well to have the career that he has had and especially to be a regular Premier League starter. For us, he was the main striker in a shite team so it can’t have been easy for the then 19-year-old.

We won 1-0 at Bramall Lane early on in the season, after which I expressed an opinion that they would be relegated.  This is why I never make any money out of gambling.

During the week, the Pierre Hojbjerg transfer story has gathered pace this week. It looks like Saints accepted a bid from Everton and Spurs and Levy are still playing silly bastards because they know that Pierre actually wants to join them. As I’ve said before, good luck to the guy who has always given 100% whenever he has put a Saints shirt on despite wanting to leave. No, not you Virgil. What I want out of this is for the player to leave as soon as possible and for Saints to reinvest the money in the playing squad and that includes securing Kyle Walker-Peters. Personally, I don’t give a shit where Pierre ends up.  Wouldn’t it be nice if we managed to do the KWP deal separately and up front, so the Pierre deal can play out without Levy holding all the cards.

Anyway, with the new season announced to be starting in mid September, all of this transfers stuff is going to happen fairly quickly so mercifully, it’s a smaller window where we have to put up with every ITK in the book, speculating wildly with an air of authority.

Ralph names the expected team for today with the only surprise being Vestergaard in the team and Bednarek on the bench.  I guess that he’s not 100%. Jan is joined on the bench by the usual suspects and Dan N’Lundulu is this weeks ‘yet to make an appearance’ academy player.  McGoldrick isn’t in the 18 for The Blades and so Billy Sharp is picked to partner McBurnie up front.

Saints start brightly and attack which ends with Armstrong finding Danny Ings and Ings getting brought down on the edge of the box but the ref is not having any of it. The Blades pay on on whilst we appeal and a ball down our left hand side allows Billy Sharp to give Vestergaard a 5 yard start and still beat him to the ball and then muscle away from him and bear down on goal. It looks for all the world that Sharp is going to score but McCarthy stands up very well to block it for a corner.  Sadly, it's a crystal clear indication of Vestergaard's limitations and weaknesses... outpaced by 34 year old Billy Sharp who was never quick anyway.

It’s a short lived reprieve though as from the Blades next attack, ex-Skate Stevens crosses the ball in from the left hand side, Vestergaard takes his eye off the ball under a challenge from Sharp and it goes through his legs, wrong footing Bertrand who has lost Lundstram who easily knocks into the net for 1-0.  Another shit goal added to the catalogue of shit goals conceded at St Mary’s this season.

There is another blow as Armstrong can’t run off a knock so Smallbone is on.  KWP then fucks up and gives the ball straight to a Blades player and away goes Billy Sharp again through the inside left channel. This time he gets his head up and picks out Lundstram at the back post and his point blank blast at the goal is brilliantly saved by McCarthy.

The rest of the first half is spent with us playing at testimonial pace trying to find our way past the massed deep defence of Sheffield United and predictably, getting nowhere despite Redmond's best efforts. We reach half time without having made Henderson do anything with his gloves.

The second-half starts with more intent and the ball is pinging around in midfield without anybody really doing anything deliberately. Danny Ings mis-controls and Sheffield United midfielder Berge slides in for a tackle on Smallbone and accidentally pokes the ball through to Che Adams. There doesn’t seem to be any danger at all but Che takes the shot really early and it flies past Henderson at his near post. Really good opportunist goal and really bad goalkeeping from the man hoping to be in goal for Manchester United next season.  Che is on fire.  Revolution.

Suddenly, the game has completely changed with Saints picking up a gear and passing it quickly through midfield. A ball back from Ings allows Smallbone to try first time left foot curler which would’ve taken out someone in the crowd, if only anyone had been there.

Having made two really good saves in the first half and seeing us get back into the game and be the better side, Alex McCarthy then had a massive brain fart and passes the ball straight to Billy Sharp. Unlike Nketiah a few weeks ago, Sharp dithers is on the ball and Romeu comes crunching in to clatter everything and we survive.

Five minutes later and Sharp's dithering in front of goal comes back to haunt him as Saints build, despite some very hefty Blades challenges with JWP finding KWP out on the right and the player we hope to be signing pretty soon after the season ends, runs at the end of the edge of the penalty area cuts across, smashes it left footed, hits a Sheffield United defender in the stomach and poleaxes him and Che Adams takes one touch before smashing into the net to make it for 2-1.  Really good finish.  Che is on fire.  Revolution.

A feature of these Restart games has been our fitness and it’s really weird but the Blades have noticeably completely gone. They’re not getting back nearly as quickly or attacking with an intent whatsoever and it’s just a case of whether we can get another goal to put this to bed. The excellent Redmond carries a ball down the left hand side and feeds into Ings who takes a shocking touch back inside but the but the ball  breaks to Redmond who hits the keeper.  Fuck! Oh, hang on a minute, the ref’s given a penalty because Ings has been taken out by Norwood as he passed the ball.   Saints and penalties have not been a good combination this season but it’s Danny Ings again.  Please don’t stutter, please don’t stutter, just hit the fucking thing, bang, 3-1, that’s how you fucking do it.

Shane Long is on for Adams which is a bit of an odd one. We are 3-1 up with 10 minutes to go and we’ve got a young centre forward on the bench who hasn’t made his debut yet.  Get him on…. Maybe Ralph isn’t the sentimental type and wants them to earn it and this is proved when Obafemi comes on for Romeu for the last couple of minutes.

The referee blows his whistle to bring the worlds’ longest football season to an end and it’s been a very nice end to the season for Saints with an unbeaten seven match run to finish things off.

It didn’t look terribly clever at half time when in truth, we could have been completely out of the game. it looked like another one of those games where we give away a shit goal against a team that is content to just defend but once more, we showed we are made of sterner stuff these days and to be honest, we played them off the park in the second half and totally deserved to win. Our fitness again shone through as the Blades looked totally gassed out in the second half. Che Adams getting the goal just after the restart was the turning point of the game and from then on there was really no doubt we were going to win. We had the one shaky moment at 1-1 when McCarthy, for reasons unknown passed the ball straight to Billy Sharp but we had that bit of luck today whereby we got away with a couple of defensive mistakes.

Overall, McCarthy had a very good game apart from the one aberration, KWP was again excellent and will hopefully not be his last game in a red and white shirt and Romeu and JWP bossed the midfield. Romeu has really stepped up since Pierre stopped being picked to start games and he has shown that there is a place for him next season, which was looking in doubt for a while. Redmond had a really good game and overall, has had a decent end to the season and he was lively again today, playing with his head up and causing all sorts of problems down the left flank, especially in the second half. Upfront, Che is again showing the difference that confidence makes to a striker with two expertly taking goals. Danny Ings didn’t have the best of games but again showed what a gifted player he is and he showed that he can take penalties properly.  The Danny and Che strike force for next season is looking very promising indeed.

Next Years Strikeforce, Next Years Right-Back

Sheffield United have had a brilliant season but today illustrated the problem is that they have with not having a clinical striker. We could’ve been dead and buried at half time but Billy Sharp let us off the hook. It will be interesting to see how the Blades get on next season. I hope they do well because Chris Wilder is a breath of fresh air and it’s great to have a totally down to earth manager in the top half of the Premier league.

Elsewhere, the main issues of the day were that Bournemouth won at Everton but still got relegated because Villa got a point at West Ham.  I'm sure that the more special Bournemouth fans will miss their manufactured rivalry and will maybe start one up with someone like QPR.  Still, they won the St Mary's Trophy this year so I'm sure that they're happy and at least they have a shiny new ground as an investment for the future with all the millions they earned from five years in the Premier League.... oh wait.... still at the Dean Court Vitality Shed... apparently they invested in electronic turnstiles though so it's not all bad.  Watford also got relegated because their owners are fuckwits and they deserve it. The other issues were about the Champions League qualification and go and look it up on the internet because I don’t give a fuck.

Maybe we will next year though (joking!). With a few more additions there is a real chance that we could be seriously decent next season. I’m not a big fan of stats but one that I found interesting was that since the 9-0, we have got two more points than Leicester and Leicester finished fifth this season. That is the challenge - to do it over an entire season.

It’s currently looking encouraging that supporters may make it back in the grounds before too long but without the fans, I think Project Restart has been a surprising success. It has been good that every single game has been on television and this is something that I hope is continued for next season. The five substitutes rule can get in the fucking bin and I don’t really care if the water breaks stay or not, though it does seem to suit us with us having a proactive manager.

The season finishes with us in 11th place which is a tremendous achievement bearing in mind where we have been at various points of the season. In these financially challenging times, the extra prize money will be most welcome and it’s lovely to end the season with the whole club, from Martin Semmens on down, seemingly heading in the right direction.  Oh for a good transfer window.

Roll on approximately eight weeks time, when we all start up again.  With every finished season we are one step closer to the point where 9-0 doesn't get mentioned.  I'm actually quite liking it now though as it's become a positive - we lost 9-0 and we still beat you.

Premier League Match 37 - Bournemouth 0 Southampton 2

Che Bangs Another Nail in the Coffin

And so it comes to pass that in the season that Bournemouth got their first ever win at St Mary’s and over celebrated like they’d just won the World Cup, Saints go to Bournemouth on the second last day of the season and unless Bournemouth beat us, they will be virtually relegated. Karma might be, as they say, a bitch.

In case anyone misunderstands, this is not me caring two shits about Bournemouth or thinking that they are some sort of rival. This is very similar to the way Leicester gave it the big one after they beat us 9-0 and then we went up there and beat them in the return game. Hi Ayoze Pérez with his wanky goal celebrations which got mimicked big time when we went up there and beat them.  For Perez, read Dan Gosling and his ear-cupping goading of the Saints fans.

Bournemouth have always managed over the last couple of years, to just keep themselves out of the relegation scrap by nicking a couple of wins when they were least expected which always kept them hovering between 11th and 16th on the table.  They had enough goals in the side to make up for generally poor defending and a team spirit and organisation that took them a long way.  It’s a different story this season with the chickensa finally coming home to roost with their abysmal recruitment policy over the last four or five years. In fact, you’d be hard pressed to call it a policy unless randomly recruiting overpriced shite is a thing.

We all know that Saints have signed some absolute shite for quite a lot of money and it still haunts us to a degree but Bournemouth have taken that particular art to a new level over the last 2 years especially.  Lerma for £25 million, Danjuma £16 million, Billing £15 million, Solanke £19 million, Mepham £12 million, Kelly £13 million, Rico £13 million… the list is practically endless and eventually, the old reliables there who were with them when they got promoted like Smith, Francis, Daniels, Surman, Cook and Gosling... are now all declining and they were all barely hanging on anyway. Bournemouth have always let in a horrific amount of goals and whilst Ramsdale has looked good in patches in goal, they rely on Nathan Ake to hold it all together at the back and he’s injured.  Ramsdale, Ake and David Brooks are probably the only players they have that will be worth a reasonable amount of money now and I hope that got some serious clauses in the contract to chop the wages down, should the likely happen and they get relegated.

I want to like Eddie Howe. He has been there in all four divisions and even though he left once and came back, he has doubtless had chances when his stock was high a few years ago, to move elsewhere but has chosen to stay, proving that not everyone involved in football at the top level is a shit house, solely motivated by money. However, whilst he comes across as a lovely guy, I can’t say I find him particularly inspiring and their abysmal form since lockdown kind of points to the fact that his message was not getting across. In their Project Restart game against Newcastle, they let in an early goal and then gave up and were not playing for the manager at all. In a later game against Leicester they were absolutely atrocious for 65 minutes, 1-0 down and then Leicester completely imploded and gave Bournemouth hope and fair play to them, they trotted out 4-1 winners. A predictable, if narrow defeat at Manchester City brings us to the point where it is two from Watford, Villa and Bournemouth who will join Norwich in the Championship next year.

I’ve been hearing people in the media talking about Bournemouth clinging to the fact they’ve had a few Great Escapes before which is all well and good but the great escapes that we had throughout the 90s didn’t do us any fucking good in 2005 so I’m sorry, they are not strictly relevant, especially when you fill your team with shite players who don’t seem to care.  Been there, done that.

That’s a lot of Saints fans at the moment queuing up to have a go at Hojbjerg because he has admitted that he wants to leave. At least he has played when asked and in the main played pretty well when called upon. Compare and contrast with Ryan Fraser who has basically refused to play for Bournemouth to try and save them from relegation. Absolutely fucking disgraceful and I hope he has miscalculated his own worth in these strange times and ends up with a really shit move that doesn’t work out for him. Fucking scandalous behaviour.

Bournemouth have undoubtedly improved since the Newcastle game but the one thing that stood out for me in the Newcastle game was how unwilling they were to run back towards their own goal once they lost the ball. So many of their players just couldn’t give a fuck so it’ll be interesting to see if there’s any of that today and whether we can take advantage of it. On the face of it, the way Bournemouth play and their weaknesses should play into our hands especially given the desperation for results.

It's BT Sport today so we are blessed with Owen Hargreaves who knows absolutely nothing about a whole range of topics.  “Saints are a team who like to dominate possession”…. No we’re not…. “Solanke is on form”… no he’s not, 2 gift goals in 40 games is not on form.  Radio Solent’s Kris Temple has made himself a target this week saying that Bournemouth will be more motivated than Saints today.  Do these people not watch football?

Team news and we’ve only really got a couple of talking points with Bednarek injured and replaced with Vestergaard and Shane Long winning the tombola to start alongside Danny Ings.  Considering they have to win really, I’m amazed that Howe has gone with Billing and Lerma in central midfield which is like having Romeu in there twice and not creative at all.  Stanislas and Brooks are on the wings though so that’ll be where the danger would come from you’d think.  It must have come as a shock to Owen Hargreaves that in-form Solanke was on the bench.

Away we go and it soon becomes pretty obvious why Howe has no creativity in midfield… he’s not going to use the midfield… hoooooof!  If you’re being charitable you would call it ‘direct’.  King gets a run at Saints from halfway but when closed down by Stephens and running out of room, decides to throw himself and appeal for a penalty, which no one buys, not craig Pawson the ref or whoever the VAR stooge is.

Saints are clearly the more confident side and begin to grow into the game and create a couple of chances with JWP slotting Redmond through but Ramsdale is off his line well and dives at Redders feet to clear.  JWP then makes a very good run ahead of the ball to latch onto Romeu’s chip forward but his header is comfortable for the keeper.

Bournemouth’s tactics are basically relying on us to make mistakes and of course, we can do that as Vestergaard goes launching in on the half way line which is fine, as long as you take something, either man or ball but he plays a big airshot and King is away down the right. And he gets in a really good cross from the right wing behind the centre backs and in front of the goalkeeper and KWP slides in and brilliantly managed to not put the ball in his own net and clear the danger. The key to it was that KWP used his weaker left foot to block the ball, which is something that so many players can learn from. If he used his stronger right foot then the ball is going in his own net, no question.

After that brief interlude, Bournemouth are back to caveman football, smashing it forwards and playing ‘get it in the mixer’.  It’s all a bit Mike Bassett.  Saints are the only team really playing any football and after one half clearance, Redmond smashed in a left foot volley which unfortunately was straight down the goalkeepers throat.

In a clear case of ignoring instructions, Kelly tries to play the ball to the strikers feet and KWP nips in and wins the ball, finding Long in space on the right.  We work it infield via Armstrong and JWP and Redmond picks it up on the left. He knocks a simple ball to Ings and we’ve seen this many times before, as he cuts across the edge of the box, works the ball onto his right foot and passes it into the far corner, past Ramsdale, for goal number 21 of a ridiculously productive season.

Half time and well on our way to yet another away win and Eddie Howe has some thinking to do.  The direct stuff isn’t really working as Stephens is standing up well and Vestergaard would much rather they were lumping the ball forwards, than playing it behind him along the deck.

Inspiring Eddie obviously didn’t say too much of any use, despite introducing Harry Wilson for the anonymous David Brooks because it was all Saints straight after the break with Danny Ings trying the same trick again but this time curling the right footed shot just wide.  Next up another chance as Ramsdale had to get down well to save JWP’s left footed shot after he had a stroll through Bournemouth’s non-existent central midfield.

Over came the JWP corner, which was met by Romeu at the near post. A few Saints players appeal for a penalty but the game goes on until the next time the ball goes out, roughly on the halfway line and then the referee has the VAR official have a look at it.  One replay later shows Harry Wilson jumping with Romeu with both his arms up in the air like a complete fanny and the ball’s hit both of his hands so even with the handball rules being as random as they are, I can’t see how this is not going to be given as a penalty. Eventually, Pawson gives it and either because of the Golden Boot scenario or because JWP has given up the penalty duties, Danny Ings is on the spot kick today. I don’t like the way he takes penalties because he just rolls them and if the keeper goes the right way then he saves it and that’s what happens a run up a little stutter and then he passes it straight to where Ramsdale has dived. Shocking penalty to be honest and Bournemouth breathe again.  Fuck.

For some reason, Howe has decided to take off Josh King, who has been their best forward by a mile and left Callum Wilson on, who has been dog shit. On came the “in-form“ Dominic Solanke and Lewis Cook who should definitely have been playing from the start in place of one of the creativity bereft central midfield.  Billing and Lerma still on though so now they appear to have no width so it’s just going to get launched even more.

The newly depleted midfield meant Saints were absolutely pissing through Bournemouth whenever we got the ball down to play, helped by the fact that they now had about four strikers right up front and Redmond really should’ve put the game to bed but Ramsdale came out well to deny him when one-on-one. At the other end, after yet another long ball, Vestergaard produced his customary fuck up to allow the ball to run through to Solanke but the Groot managed to make up for it and threw himself in the way to knock it away for a corner

Another tall striker, Sam Surridge is on and Bournemouth are that desperate that they’ve sent on ear-cupping wanker Dan Gosling for the walking streak of piss that is Philip Billing – he is absolute shite by the way. Gosling’s presence gives me more determination that we can  hold out so he can be on the pitch to savour it at the end.

Bournemouth’s increasing desperation for a goal made them just launch the ball further and higher and Callum Wilson produced a forearm smash / elbow on Ryan Bertrand when he was trying to head the ball away and it dropped to Harry Wilson who eventually shot towards the far post but McCarthy got down well to push it away. Even if I had gone in there was no way it would’ve been given because of the elbow but because the application of VAR is a bag of shit, Bournemouth still get the corner.

92 minutes and yet another long throw, this time from Kelly. No one meets it and it bounces in the box and McCarthy comes for it and spills it under pressure from Callum Wilson and Surridge slams it in the net to get a pretty undeserved equaliser. Fuck it. Can’t believe we haven’t put these fuckers to bed and it’s really annoying that their shit Wimbledon in the 90s brand of football has got them an equaliser…. but wait…. Oh, hang on a minute, it’s been reviewed by VAR.... One replay later and Callum Wilson is clearly offside and he is the one challenging McCarthy which caused him to spill the ball… This is going to be disallowed and it’s fucking hilarious.  A few seconds later before the inevitable is confirmed and it’s a free-kick to Saints. Eddie Howe and his lapdog Jason Tindall go from joy to despair.  Like I said - it’s fucking hilarious.

Oh Dear, How Sad, Never Mind

From the restart we go straight up the other end and Bertrand has the ball in the left-hand corner and I assume he’s just going to hold onto it in there but instead of that he knocks it along the goal line to Obafemi (who has come on as a time wasting sub for Ings) who plays the ball across to Che Adams who dances round at half arsed challenge before smashing it into the net past Ramsdale to make it 2-0. This is fucking hilarious. Couldn’t be funnier if it tried.

Ha ha ha ha ha - as I said, fucking hilarious. The disallowed goal was funny enough but the second goal just makes it even funnier. Saints would like a comedian delivering a joke with a brilliant punchline and before the audience to stop laughing, there is a second punchline which is even more funny.

Bournemouth kickoff, referee blows his whistle, the end.

As far as revenge goes for them being complete dicks and at St Mary‘s earlier on in the season, this was just about perfect aside from the fact that we should’ve won about 4-0. I wouldn’t swap that though for what happened in the last couple of minutes. What made it even better was that Dan Gosling was on the pitch at the end, the same Dan Gosling that had given it loads to the Saints fans in at St. Mary's last season, which must seem like such a long time ago.

Saints again proved that they are getting better at defending against long ball shite with two players upfront, which was a major weakness throughout the pre-lockdown part of the season. It’s a big compliment to us that apart from when we play teams from the upper echelons of the table, every manager we come up against tries to smash the ball up the park against us now.

That was another myth about Bournemouth that was dismantled today, specifically, the one about them playing good football. I know it was a case of needs must but honestly, if you need a result then surely you do what your're good at rather than what you're not.  95 minutes of smashing the ball long without playing any football through midfield and just hoping for flick-ons and bits and pieces. Surely after about 70 minutes of it not working very well, it was time to vary and maybe try something different but all he did was throw on more tall strikers and smash the ball even longer.  They did vary it a little bit to be fair with Eddie Howe's tactical masterclass incorporating both long balls and long throws, most of which were dealt with relatively easily by the Saints defence.  Howe couldn’t come up with any way of playing against us other than direct as he knows that we are so much better than them and he knows that the only area that they could even vaguely compete with us was aerially and physically but he reckoned without the fact that we are better at dealing with that these days. Vestergaard had his shaky moments like he always does but in the main, all of the back four and the goalkeeper stood up really well to the bombardment.  Jack Stephens improvement in the air was noticeable today and KWP had another absolutely superb game at right back. One of the things that I used to think about him was that he would struggle physically and in the air but he wins a remarkable number of headers for a player of his height because he has good technique, he gets off the ground and times the jump really well.

Again all of the midfield competed well, including Hojbjerg when he came on for the last 15 but going forward we were a little bit wasteful today, with the missed penalty the main failing but also a frustrating tendency to choose the wrong option from Nathan Redmond in particular. It was another wonderful finish from Danny Ings who was electric throughout again and it was brilliant to see Che Adams smash in another goal to increase his confidence levels going into the final game of the season and beyond.

Maybe Che can take penalties?  Bloody hell someone needs to put their hand up and own it. Personally, I would suggest Ryan Bertrand taking the responsibility or maybe Stuart Armstrong. JWP obviously strikes the best ball at the club but he needs to develop a penalty technique which is nothing like his freekick technique and I’m sorry, I can’t stand the way Danny Ings takes penalties, just trying to roll it into the corner. It’s a keeper goes the right way then he saves it, it’s that simple but Danny Ings can do whatever he likes.  Personally, I would rather see Vestergaard leather the shit out of it.

Also, it has to be said that we came up against a goalkeeper who was absolutely at the top of his game in Aaron Ramsdale who I will add to the list of players that Bournemouth will probably lose if, as seems inevitable, they go down.  One thing I will say about Bournemouth is that they were playing for the manager today and put in a lot of effort, including those are usually don’t bother like Josh King. King should be praised in particular especially because all he had to do was chase balls into the corner and try and win balls against our centre backs, one of whom is 6 foot 7.  Oddly, if they win their last game at Everton, they'll finish above Watford won't get another point in their last 2 games and they are only 3 points and 4 goals ahead of The Cherries.  Villa are the team they have to worry about as they do at least look vaguely capable of winning a game.  As today's game progressed, it emerged that Watford have sacked Nigel Pearson with two games to go, having seen him drag them out of the relegation zone.  What a ridiculous football club they are and I hope they go down.

Next and last up is another game against a team who may have more to play for than we do as we take on Sheffield United at St Mary’s, who may or may not still have a Europa League spot to aim for. Would you be against us though?

Premier League Match 36 - Southampton 1 Brighton 1

How the Fuck Did He Save That?

Just three days after the United game and here we are at St Mary‘s to play Brighton who incidentally, have had an extra couple of days rest. If it sounds like I’m getting my excuses in early, then I probably am.  Brighton’s last game incidentally, was a 5-0 shafting by Manchester City.

Brighton have been a side that have kind of passed me by this season. I reckon I’ve always fallen asleep by the time they get shown on Match of the Day and there is a reason they usually on near the end and that’s because they are not a particularly entertaining side, barely managing one goal a game. They are better under Graham Potter than they were under Chris Hughton, who used to favour the 9-0-50 yards-Glenn Murray formation. This year they are trying to play in a more expensive style and have done well to keep their heads above water, given that they are quite limited.  I think that Potter would’ve settled for being mid-table nonentities at the start of the season. There is still an outside chance that they could get relegated but they would probably have to lose all of the three remaining matches and then Bournemouth and Villa pull off miracles over their remaining games, which they do not remotely look capable of.

Given the short turnaround, there is absolutely no way that Saints are going to go to be able to put out the usual team today. Ralph has hinted at changes in his press conference and so it comes to pass with five players are given a rest including both full-backs, Armstrong, Adams and Stephens. In comes Jake Vokins for his first Premier League appearance, alongside Smallbone, Obafemi, Vestergaard and at right back, Pierre Hojbjerg. He may have lost the captaincy to JWP but in return, JWP has given him the ‘player who gets shafted when we need an emergency right back’ award.  I don’t like the look of the defence… the rest should be ok-ish.

The referee today is Andre Marriner  who refereed us against City the other day and his first action is to watch Obafemi get wrestled to the ground by Lewis Dunk, both arms wrapped round in very obvious fashion, and give absolutely nothing.  Next up, Romeu hammers into Solly March, wins the ball but March takes off with a triple somersault and pike and so Romeu gets booked which is probably the referees union making up for the one that was missed our game at Old Trafford the other day.

We unsurprisingly don’t have our usual zip but the first chance comes when Romeu switches well to the right where Hojbjerg is up against Solly March and the Brighton player makes a total balls of it and Hojbjerg chests it down and he’s clean through but can only blast the ball straight at Maty Ryan.

We are just after the quarter hour mark and Brighton win a throw on the right hand side.  It’s all pretty unremarkable as diminutive Lamptey throws it into Murray, who has walked away from the dozing Vestergaard and he flicks on and no one reacts, apart from Maupay who smashes it through Bednarek’s legs and wrong foots McCarthy who has no chance from about 8 yards.  What a monumentally shit goal to concede.  Embarrassing.

Brighton have got what they wanted and now they sit back and soak it up whilst we go sideways and backwards with no pace or width in our play.  Out of nowhere after a long period of sideways and backwards football, Redders turns up on the right and plays a nice ball through to Ings who smashes it under the keeper and it bounces up off the bar and Honey I Shrank the Right Back, manages to stick it in his own net in comedy fashion. Lino has got the flag up though so no excitement there really.

It’s been rubbish to be quite honest. As said, we’ve got nothing going in the wide areas at all as Vokins its content just to knock the ball infield and having started well, Hojbjerg is now plodding around at the back in full “fish up a tree” mode. You feel there has to be some changes at half-time and you wonder how much point there is in Romeu being out there bearing in mind he is on a booking and he is not exactly likely to unlock a defence which is going to get deeper and deeper as the game goes on.

I don’t often do “I told you so” but I vented on twitter that I’d bring on KWP for Romeu and Adams or Long for Obafemi” and Ralph obviously read that as I’m sure that the new SFC Playbook includes looking at what that fat wanker who writes blogs thinks about substitutions at half time.

Lucy Knows....

So, Ralph did what I said and we were immediately better and the chances started to come as we suddenly had width and some pace in our game.  KWP initiated a break up the right, the ball was held up by Adams and we eventually work it across to Vokins who drills it left footed and it skims across the ground and goes about foot wide of the far post.

Is it going to be one of those days?  After another decent build-up in which KWP features strongly, JWP slides a ball out to Ings on the left hand side and the King of the Scummers cuts inside, curls it round the defender and it smacks off the far post and comes out Adams who drills it goalwards, past the keeper but it hits Lewis Dunk on the thigh on the line and Brighton survive.  Straight after that, a lovely floated ball by Hojbjerg to the back post, where Ings has pulled away from the Brighton short right back and his side foot across goal is missed by the lunging Adams and he ends up in the net without the ball.

There are two ways of looking at it – it’s either going to be one of those games where it doesn’t happen or just maybe, the pressure will tell and thankfully it’s the latter as Adams knocks the ball down to Redmond who plays a wonderful first time pass (he should do this more often) to Danny Ings who was again pulled away from the wee right back and there is never a doubt that he’s going to slot this past Ryan into the far corner…. Goal, get in… and we are level.  25 to go – can we win it?

Another build up in front of Brighton and it doesn’t look like anything much it’s going to happen until the ball finds Vestergaard about 40 yards out and you could see his brain working… “fuck it, why not?“ and he absolutely drilled it, couldn’t possibly have hit it any better and it smacks of the underside of the bar and the post and bounces down for the goalkeeper to pick up. It’s not until you see a replay that you realise though that shot was destined to the top corner and Ryan has got a fingertip to it so it goes down as a brilliant save. What a killjoy bastard.

It wouldn’t be Saints if it was a procession and JWP loses the ball in their box and Brighton break. We are our usual shambles of a scramble defence and eventually the ball finds Bissouma who has a free shot from the edge of the box and shanks it wide. Always thought he was crap – absolute sitter.

The last 10 or so minutes pass by with nothing much going on.  There’s some decent “body on the line” defending from Dunk and Ex-Skate Webster in defence for Brighton and they manage to hang on and get the point that they came for.

Well, we really should’ve won there, even though we only played for the second half. We missed some chances which was down in equal measure to bad luck, bad finishing, committed defending and superb goalkeeping. Ings had one chalked off for offside and hit the post, Adams had a couple blocked and got caught flat-footed on another couple of opportunities, Vokins skimmed one just wide and then there was that ridiculous shot from Vestergaard, which would’ve raised the roof even in an empty ground but for Ryan’s unbelievable fingertip answer the crossbar.  That’s quite a few chances created against a team that didn’t have much attacking intent once they scored.

The new Brighton in truth, not much different to the old Brighton and if you try and look at this game in some sort of wider context of our struggles to put average teams away at home, then you could say that followed a similar pattern in a team came to St Mary’s and they didn’t want to be particularly expansive but we gifted them a goal which enable them to sit back. It  was absolute dogshit defending from us. All you have to do to limit teams like Brighton is concentrate and they won’t score. Vestergaard was completely asleep from that throw-in allowing 48-year-old Glenn Murray to wander away from him, with his fucking zimmer frame and flick it on and no one reacted quickly enough to stop Maupay scoring an incredibly easy goal.  I guess that you do have to remember though, that we had a very makeshift back four in the first half.  The game reinforced my view that Potter has done well with that squad to be fair and tonight, he did really well to substitute the tiny right back straight after the goal because we were targeting him with every attack.  It was probably his bed time.  Having said that – I bet he wished he’d subbed him before the goal.

If you look at the game as a whole, there were some elements that were a bit of an ugly throwback to earlier on in the season when we had out of position players playing at full-back. The full-backs are so important in the way that Ralph wants to play that having players out of position there, is just never going to work.  In the first half, we in effect had no full backs doing the job they needed to do because Vokins was to tentative and kept passing the ball 5 yards inside rather than driving to the huge space that quite often opened up in front of him and on the right hand side, after an encouraging opening five minutes, Pierre had a bit of a nightmare. In the second half, Vokins started driving forward which gave Redmond more space which highlighted just how bad Lamptey, the Brighton right back miniature was.  When he came on, KWP put in a man of the match performance on the right and was the single biggest factor in the change around.

The first half of this game also highlighted something that we already know about our strength in depth and how much work some of the fringe players me to do before they’re going to be considered as starters on a regular basis. Michael Obafemi was absolutely miles off the pace, basically being a one man possession recycling scheme for Brighton.  Every touch he had went straight to Brighton player and it was the most predictable half-time substitution ever when we come out after the break.  He has so much to learn. For someone who has such pace, it’s remarkable that we never ever see him use it and the reason we never see him use it is because he has absolutely no idea when to run.  I wouldn’t have thought it was possible for him to have as ineffective a game as he did against Arsenal a few weeks back but he managed it today and like in that game, he got hooked at half-time.

King of the Scummers scores, as Small Scale Right Back Looks On.

Will Smallbone, having looked excellent in his cameo against Manchester United, seemed to struggle, especially in the first half and look very lightweight. He improved after the break and put a couple of good balls in but a summer in the gym beckons I think.  Jake Vokins was the best of the three today and once he got a bit of bravery about himself to run forward, he did ok.  He didn’t actually have to do any defending today so it was a good game for him to come in for. None of the players who emerge from our academy are going to be the real deal in Premier League terms straight away.  They are getting minutes and they will improve but they are not to be considered as potential regular starters as yet.

Elsewhere, as mentioned earlier, Che Adams had an eventful half, mixing up very good hold-up play, bad luck and missed chances. The lad needs to start hitting the net with some of the simpler chances he gets presented with. He honestly could’ve scored four today but the chances all passed him by either through a lack of strikers instinct in the box (being on his heels) or through decent defending. He is still our best option at front to partner the King of the Scummers so I hope he starts the last two games.

What can you say about Danny Ings - 20 goals from open play in the Premier League.  The fact that he's the first to 20 since James Beattie puts it into context somewhat when you consider the high regard that Sir Rickie Lambert, Graziano Pelle and Sadio Mane are held in and they didn't get near that number.

“I want to win trophies at Spurs” Hojbjerg had a very strange match. He was good for a bit and then crap for a bit at right back and then he was good for a bit and then crap for a bit in midfield.  Some great passes and some attempts at looking like he didn’t know how to kick a ball.  It looks like the situation with him is gathering pace with Everton ready to bid actual money, which might make the Levy masterplan of paying nothing a bit less likely to succeed.  If Hojbjerg moves to Everton, I expect Levy will shithouse us on KWP - we are playing it cool on that score at the moment but there is no way on earth we would not be interested in buying him unless we already have a deal agreed elsewhere for a right back.

Back to tonight's game and you can tell Brighton we are absolutely delighted with the point which makes it all but a mathematical certainty that I will stay up to struggle again near the bottom next year. Ralph was pleased enough with the point bearing in mind we had played just three days earlier but was understandably pissed that we didn’t win it bearing in mind the amount of chances we had in the second half.

Next up is a trip to the Vitality Tinpot Blue Rinse Arena to play Bournemouth. They have to beat us or else they are getting relegated on Sunday and if my sources are correct, the way Bournemouth over-celebrated after they beat us at St Mary’s, hasn’t been forgotten.

Premier League Match 35 - Manchester United 2 Southampton 2

"Look Danny, Gary Neville's Crying"

Manchester United and a trip to Old Trafford which will be even more quiet than it normally is. The pumped in crowd noise that we will get as we watch the game on television will actually provide a much more atmosphere than you normally get at a game at Old Trafford where it is invariably silent unless they score.  Needless to say, over the years they have scored a lot of goals against us but not too many recently as relatively speaking we have done quite well there over the last few years with two 1-0 wins in recent memory. However, today we are playing them at a time when they have been playing particularly well, having won their last four games by more than three goals, so it’s gonna be quite a tough one.

Ole is of course, at the wheel and he has stumbled upon a first 11 that looks decent, Mason Greenwood has emerged to give them a cutting edge upfront and also, Paul Pogba has decided that he is going to play because after all, there is a transfer window coming up. The man who has changed everything there is of course Bruno Fernandes. He has come in from Sporting Lisbon and seems to have provided the spark that they needed from a creativity point of view, either scoring or assisting a goal in virtually every game that he has played. Of course, this has not gone unnoticed in the media who have hyped him up as the second coming of Maradona. It’s a curious phenomenon that seems to affect Manchester United players more than anybody if they have a decent initial impact. Who remembers Federico Macheda or Adnan Januzaj? Of course, I’m not comparing Fernandes to either of those two because it does have to be said that Bruno does look a very good player.

One question I posed going for into the restart was that I wondered if the big clubs were going to get all the decisions still, bearing in mind they didn’t have their usual 65,000 spectators in the ground to influence officials. The answer appears to be a big fat fucking yes as United have broken records this season for the number of penalties that they have been given including one of the most ridiculous ones of all time that got given against Villa last week when Fernandes basically trod on the Villa player and fell over and got given a penalty.

The weakness for Manchester United is around the centre of defence where they have Maguire and Lindelof, protected by Matic. None of these players are particularly quick which will hopefully play into our hands a bit if we are not running on fumes after our recent exertions. Luke Shaw has managed to nail down the left back berth which is probably a marketing stunt to sell XXXL replica shirts in foreign territories and Nathan Redmond will have his work cut out against the best defensive right back in the country, Aaron Wan Bissaka. Hopefully, David de Gea will be having one of his chocolate wrist matches.

Away we go and we start the game pretty well, playing the ball about and looking to put pressure on the United midfield whenever they get hold of it. It’s our midfield who create the first chance though and not in a good way, as JWP does a passable impression of the Steven Gerrard slip and under no pressure, allows the ball to run under his foot Martial is clean through on McCarthy but McCarthy shows his growing confidence of the last couple of games by making himself big and pulling off a good save with a strong left hand.

Whereas United fail to take the gift a chance, we then create one of our own as United are popping the ball about the back and de Gea plays the ball into Paul Pogba who turns with the spatial awareness and athleticism of a pensioner with a zimmer frame, unaware that Danny Ings has hunted him down waited for him to turn.  Ings nicks the ball to Redmond who takes a good touch before putting over superb cross to Armstrong who was unmarked.  He took a touch before half volleying it past de Gea for 1-0. This goal summed up Ralph’s philosophy superbly. Because of the ball win high up the pitch, when the cross came over from Redmond, Armstrong’s marker Luke Shaw was nowhere to be seen because he was half a mile up the left wing when Pogba gave the ball away.

Having got in front we then continue to play well for five or so minutes but then we seem to drop off a bit and all of a sudden Pogba and Fernandes were able to get their head up and have time to play.  We had a warning when Shaw saw that there was a burger van that was open at the far end of the ground and burst forward from left back. His ball across was met by Rashford (who has been recently doing a lot for the hungry) and he stuck it in the net but he was about 3 yards offside.

We didn’t heed the warning though and United built down the left and Wan-Bissaka managed to wriggle his way away from three challenges, one of which should’ve cleaned him out and the ball eventually found its way back to Pogba, who swung it into the box where Martial produced a superb bit of centre forward play to hold off Stephens and poke the ball to Rashford who smashed into the net from the left hand side. Good goal to be fair but totally preventable from our point of view.

We are still not really on it despite the equaliser and we get punished again a few minutes later as Fernandes gives a simple ball to Martial out on the left and he just heads direct for goal, bursting past KWP and smashing a shot past McCarthy before anyone got across from the centre. Fuck off, 2-1 down and a big lesson.  If you give good players time to play like we have been for the last 10 minutes, then they will kill you.  Pogba and Fernandes have looked very average when we’ve got around them.

We now have a case of having to try and stay in the game and the way we try and stay in the game it’s by invoking the dark arts. By that I mean a few niggly fouls to break up play, like JWP bear hugging Fernandes in midfield.  Oriol Romeu, as he tends to do, took it too far and absolutely clattered Greenwood in a tackle that Paul Wotton would’ve been proud of, the ball being as it was, in a different postcode.  VAR had a look and nothing to see here.  I can’t help but feel we got a bit lucky there and it would have been interesting to know if the outcome would have been different with a crowd in the ground.

We managed to get to half time without any further damage which was a job that we absolutely had to do because if we let another one and then we are completely fucked.

The second-half starts and it’s kind of in a holding pattern. United are not piling forward and we are not really creating much either but we are looking confident, not panicking and gradually getting back to the stage where we are on top. United are still ridiculously dangerous on the break though and Rashford plays a 1-2 with Martial at full pace and looks like he must score as he connects from 6 yards but Bertrand has taken Greenwood out of his pocket for long enough to get across from left back gets a foot in, to deflect it for a corner. From the next United attack, Shaw twists his ankle and so he’s off to be replaced by Brandon Williams who looks about 12. We send on our own 12-year-old looking player at the drinks break with Smallbone coming on for Armstrong, whose energy levels have disappeared as the second-half went on.

Oh shit, another United break as Stephens tits around with the ball on the halfway line and loses it to Martial who leaves Stephens in his wake and goes past Bednarek who falls over in comedy fashion.  On he goes, only to get to the edge of the box and smash it miles over the bar.

We’ve made it to 80 minutes and are still in the game and now United look like they’re beginning to get a bit nervous and not go forward as much. The disappointing Pogba and Maradona Fernandes are replaced with a very average Fred and McTominay and you now feel that if there’s going to be another goal, then it’s going to be for us.  Bertrand finds Redmond out on the left and is then taken our horribly late by Wan Bissaka but the ref plays on and Redmond cuts in and hits it and it takes a really good save from de Gea to keep it out. Is it coming?

It’s panic stations for United as they have made all their subs and Brandon Williams has gone down injured after an accidental clash of heads with KWP. The game is stopped despite us having the ball and the referee decides to give United a free-kick, which he hadn’t given before he saw the blood.  We are already over 90 and this is going to add at least another 3 or 4 minutes.

Ralphs last roll of the substitution dice was to send on Michael Obafemi on for Romeu on 87 minutes and it’s not abundantly clear what formation we are playing. You can’t really tell from the TV and you can’t expect Gary Neville to actually tell you anything insightful about what’s going on as he is too busy awarding the Man of the Match award to a Manchester United player and talking about the “in-play” league table (United are 3rd) when Redmond wins a corner. Over it comes from JWP, flicked on by Bednarek and there is Michael Obafemi at the back stick to bundle it into the net. You fucking beauty. One replay all we need to know that it’s not going to get disallowed by VAR and we have a deserved equaliser. There is about 30 seconds to go and that is that.

Oh I fucking love it when that happens. 96th minute equaliser at Old Trafford, in Fergie time, to knock them out of the Champions League places, to make Gary Neville cry.... more on Gary Neville later.

Make no mistake, we totally deserved to get a point from that game. Apart from that 10 minute spell when they scored two goals, we were better or at last their equal.  The start of the game was absolutely superb and Armstrong’s goal owed much to preparation done beforehand in identifying Pogba as a potential area where we could win the ball higher up the pitch. Great tackle by Ings, superb cross by Redmond and Armstrong was customary decent finish. The wobble was horrible where we stopped pressing and allowed United to play and they scored two goals which had a lot to admire from their point of view but from our standpoint, they were pretty poor.  Not clearing out Wan Bissaka on the first and on the second goal we did nothing to halt Martial’s run into the box. Having stayed in the game for the rest of the first half and the majority of the second, we came strong again for the last 10 minutes and deservedly nicked equaliser.

Today really illustrated the value of teamwork. You could look at every player individually in the midfield and you could be quite justified in saying that they didn’t have the best of games individually. Also, Ings and in particular Adams were pretty quiet up front. As I said, we made mistakes in defence which led to the two United goals but the performance today was all about how we played as a team, the commitment and desire - harrying and pressing and not letting it United’s good players, play the game at the pace they want to play at.  You can tell that we are a horrible team to play against - we run more, we tackle more, we niggle more but not too badly (apart from Romeu, obviously). We've been a soft touch for quite a while and we're not any more.

The much hyped Maradona Fernandes did fuck all to be honest and Pogba was pretty anonymous as was Mason Greenwood. Whilst we’re talking about United, I hope Luke Shaw is okay. When you turn your ankle and all your weight is on it and you weigh as much as he does, it’s always going to be quite serious.

The big threats were Martial and Rashford which made sure that KWP and Stephens had tough games. Ryan Bertrand did an absolutely magnificent job on Greenwood and behind them all, Alex McCarthy was flawless, having absolutely no chance with either of the two goals.

Ralph had a genius day. If you send a sub on and go for it with two minutes to go and it’s that sub to get you a goal then you are a genius. It was a great moment for Ralph, for Obafemi and everyone connected with Southampton Football Club to see the ball hit the net in the last minute and shut the fuck up Sky Sports.

No Mercy

We need to talk about Gary Neville. I don’t have a problem with Gary Neville usually as he talks a lot of sense and it seems to be a decent character but he caught a dose of the Carragher’s tonight, being so unquestionably biased throughout, it was actually painful to listen to.  Having said that, it did make the moment when Obafemi’s goal hit the net even sweeter than it was anyway. During the game, when Saints were attacking, Gary only wanted to talk about the United front three and when Romeu put in that bad challenge on Greenwood, that was all he wanted to talk about from when it happened around the 40 minute mark until about 15 minutes from the end. This is a guy who played with Roy Keane for years. When Rashford, admittedly accidentally, raked Stephens achilles, Gary said nothing. When Wan Bissaka bodychecked JWP and didn’t get booked, Gary said nothing. When Wan Bissaka took out Bertrand after the ball had gone, Gary said nothing. He predictably picked a Man United player for Man of the Match and called him the match-winner. Surely you know the match is an over until the final whistle blows Gary? Fergie time and all that? Oddly enough, Fergie time didn’t get mentioned, like it always does if United score late. Fuck off Gary!

In the studio was Kelly 9-0 Cates (of course, Mr Dalglish’s daughter) who is actually okay when Liverpool aren’t playing – there is a theme developing here. In the neutral corner was Eniola Aluko who was even handed and mixed up horrible cliches with some quite decent insight.

Matt le Tissier clearly saw it as his mission to redress the balance a little bit and he didn’t disappoint, putting together a very sketchy defence on the Romeu challenge on Greenwood which will have the United faithful watching in their millions from all over the world, frothing at the mouth. Twitter was spectacular after the game because of course, if you think that Romeu’s challenge wasn’t worthy of a red card, you must be a flat earther.

Sky tried to bait Ole Gunnar Solskjaer into talking about Romeu’s challenge and the fact that they had 10 men on the pitch when Saints scored but he was very magnanimous and chose instead not to make excuses but to praise the opposition. I like him. Doesn’t mean that I think he ever should’ve got the job or that he is the right man for the job but I like him. In complete contrast, Harry Maguire was a bellend. He was a bellend with a bucket full of salt on it. I think the point he was trying to make was that because we have nothing to play for, we could play with some freedom but he totally missed the fucking point and it sounded like he was saying that as we had nothing to play for we should’ve just rolled over and died rather than press them in their own half for a vast majority of the game.

Ralph was delighted at the end and so he should be. City at home, Everton away and United away usually gets us the square root of fuck all in terms of points but we’ve got five which sends us into our next game in really good form.

Next up is Brighton have managed to get just enough points to make them safe for next season. They are the sort of team that usually leaves St Mary’s with a draw or a 1-0 win so that is something for us to try and put right. It will be tough, simply because they have had an extra two days to prepare for the game and we will certainly be rotating players but would you bet against us at the moment?