Premier League Match 37 - Bournemouth 0 Southampton 2

Che Bangs Another Nail in the Coffin

And so it comes to pass that in the season that Bournemouth got their first ever win at St Mary’s and over celebrated like they’d just won the World Cup, Saints go to Bournemouth on the second last day of the season and unless Bournemouth beat us, they will be virtually relegated. Karma might be, as they say, a bitch.

In case anyone misunderstands, this is not me caring two shits about Bournemouth or thinking that they are some sort of rival. This is very similar to the way Leicester gave it the big one after they beat us 9-0 and then we went up there and beat them in the return game. Hi Ayoze Pérez with his wanky goal celebrations which got mimicked big time when we went up there and beat them.  For Perez, read Dan Gosling and his ear-cupping goading of the Saints fans.

Bournemouth have always managed over the last couple of years, to just keep themselves out of the relegation scrap by nicking a couple of wins when they were least expected which always kept them hovering between 11th and 16th on the table.  They had enough goals in the side to make up for generally poor defending and a team spirit and organisation that took them a long way.  It’s a different story this season with the chickensa finally coming home to roost with their abysmal recruitment policy over the last four or five years. In fact, you’d be hard pressed to call it a policy unless randomly recruiting overpriced shite is a thing.

We all know that Saints have signed some absolute shite for quite a lot of money and it still haunts us to a degree but Bournemouth have taken that particular art to a new level over the last 2 years especially.  Lerma for £25 million, Danjuma £16 million, Billing £15 million, Solanke £19 million, Mepham £12 million, Kelly £13 million, Rico £13 million… the list is practically endless and eventually, the old reliables there who were with them when they got promoted like Smith, Francis, Daniels, Surman, Cook and Gosling... are now all declining and they were all barely hanging on anyway. Bournemouth have always let in a horrific amount of goals and whilst Ramsdale has looked good in patches in goal, they rely on Nathan Ake to hold it all together at the back and he’s injured.  Ramsdale, Ake and David Brooks are probably the only players they have that will be worth a reasonable amount of money now and I hope that got some serious clauses in the contract to chop the wages down, should the likely happen and they get relegated.

I want to like Eddie Howe. He has been there in all four divisions and even though he left once and came back, he has doubtless had chances when his stock was high a few years ago, to move elsewhere but has chosen to stay, proving that not everyone involved in football at the top level is a shit house, solely motivated by money. However, whilst he comes across as a lovely guy, I can’t say I find him particularly inspiring and their abysmal form since lockdown kind of points to the fact that his message was not getting across. In their Project Restart game against Newcastle, they let in an early goal and then gave up and were not playing for the manager at all. In a later game against Leicester they were absolutely atrocious for 65 minutes, 1-0 down and then Leicester completely imploded and gave Bournemouth hope and fair play to them, they trotted out 4-1 winners. A predictable, if narrow defeat at Manchester City brings us to the point where it is two from Watford, Villa and Bournemouth who will join Norwich in the Championship next year.

I’ve been hearing people in the media talking about Bournemouth clinging to the fact they’ve had a few Great Escapes before which is all well and good but the great escapes that we had throughout the 90s didn’t do us any fucking good in 2005 so I’m sorry, they are not strictly relevant, especially when you fill your team with shite players who don’t seem to care.  Been there, done that.

That’s a lot of Saints fans at the moment queuing up to have a go at Hojbjerg because he has admitted that he wants to leave. At least he has played when asked and in the main played pretty well when called upon. Compare and contrast with Ryan Fraser who has basically refused to play for Bournemouth to try and save them from relegation. Absolutely fucking disgraceful and I hope he has miscalculated his own worth in these strange times and ends up with a really shit move that doesn’t work out for him. Fucking scandalous behaviour.

Bournemouth have undoubtedly improved since the Newcastle game but the one thing that stood out for me in the Newcastle game was how unwilling they were to run back towards their own goal once they lost the ball. So many of their players just couldn’t give a fuck so it’ll be interesting to see if there’s any of that today and whether we can take advantage of it. On the face of it, the way Bournemouth play and their weaknesses should play into our hands especially given the desperation for results.

It's BT Sport today so we are blessed with Owen Hargreaves who knows absolutely nothing about a whole range of topics.  “Saints are a team who like to dominate possession”…. No we’re not…. “Solanke is on form”… no he’s not, 2 gift goals in 40 games is not on form.  Radio Solent’s Kris Temple has made himself a target this week saying that Bournemouth will be more motivated than Saints today.  Do these people not watch football?

Team news and we’ve only really got a couple of talking points with Bednarek injured and replaced with Vestergaard and Shane Long winning the tombola to start alongside Danny Ings.  Considering they have to win really, I’m amazed that Howe has gone with Billing and Lerma in central midfield which is like having Romeu in there twice and not creative at all.  Stanislas and Brooks are on the wings though so that’ll be where the danger would come from you’d think.  It must have come as a shock to Owen Hargreaves that in-form Solanke was on the bench.

Away we go and it soon becomes pretty obvious why Howe has no creativity in midfield… he’s not going to use the midfield… hoooooof!  If you’re being charitable you would call it ‘direct’.  King gets a run at Saints from halfway but when closed down by Stephens and running out of room, decides to throw himself and appeal for a penalty, which no one buys, not craig Pawson the ref or whoever the VAR stooge is.

Saints are clearly the more confident side and begin to grow into the game and create a couple of chances with JWP slotting Redmond through but Ramsdale is off his line well and dives at Redders feet to clear.  JWP then makes a very good run ahead of the ball to latch onto Romeu’s chip forward but his header is comfortable for the keeper.

Bournemouth’s tactics are basically relying on us to make mistakes and of course, we can do that as Vestergaard goes launching in on the half way line which is fine, as long as you take something, either man or ball but he plays a big airshot and King is away down the right. And he gets in a really good cross from the right wing behind the centre backs and in front of the goalkeeper and KWP slides in and brilliantly managed to not put the ball in his own net and clear the danger. The key to it was that KWP used his weaker left foot to block the ball, which is something that so many players can learn from. If he used his stronger right foot then the ball is going in his own net, no question.

After that brief interlude, Bournemouth are back to caveman football, smashing it forwards and playing ‘get it in the mixer’.  It’s all a bit Mike Bassett.  Saints are the only team really playing any football and after one half clearance, Redmond smashed in a left foot volley which unfortunately was straight down the goalkeepers throat.

In a clear case of ignoring instructions, Kelly tries to play the ball to the strikers feet and KWP nips in and wins the ball, finding Long in space on the right.  We work it infield via Armstrong and JWP and Redmond picks it up on the left. He knocks a simple ball to Ings and we’ve seen this many times before, as he cuts across the edge of the box, works the ball onto his right foot and passes it into the far corner, past Ramsdale, for goal number 21 of a ridiculously productive season.

Half time and well on our way to yet another away win and Eddie Howe has some thinking to do.  The direct stuff isn’t really working as Stephens is standing up well and Vestergaard would much rather they were lumping the ball forwards, than playing it behind him along the deck.

Inspiring Eddie obviously didn’t say too much of any use, despite introducing Harry Wilson for the anonymous David Brooks because it was all Saints straight after the break with Danny Ings trying the same trick again but this time curling the right footed shot just wide.  Next up another chance as Ramsdale had to get down well to save JWP’s left footed shot after he had a stroll through Bournemouth’s non-existent central midfield.

Over came the JWP corner, which was met by Romeu at the near post. A few Saints players appeal for a penalty but the game goes on until the next time the ball goes out, roughly on the halfway line and then the referee has the VAR official have a look at it.  One replay later shows Harry Wilson jumping with Romeu with both his arms up in the air like a complete fanny and the ball’s hit both of his hands so even with the handball rules being as random as they are, I can’t see how this is not going to be given as a penalty. Eventually, Pawson gives it and either because of the Golden Boot scenario or because JWP has given up the penalty duties, Danny Ings is on the spot kick today. I don’t like the way he takes penalties because he just rolls them and if the keeper goes the right way then he saves it and that’s what happens a run up a little stutter and then he passes it straight to where Ramsdale has dived. Shocking penalty to be honest and Bournemouth breathe again.  Fuck.

For some reason, Howe has decided to take off Josh King, who has been their best forward by a mile and left Callum Wilson on, who has been dog shit. On came the “in-form“ Dominic Solanke and Lewis Cook who should definitely have been playing from the start in place of one of the creativity bereft central midfield.  Billing and Lerma still on though so now they appear to have no width so it’s just going to get launched even more.

The newly depleted midfield meant Saints were absolutely pissing through Bournemouth whenever we got the ball down to play, helped by the fact that they now had about four strikers right up front and Redmond really should’ve put the game to bed but Ramsdale came out well to deny him when one-on-one. At the other end, after yet another long ball, Vestergaard produced his customary fuck up to allow the ball to run through to Solanke but the Groot managed to make up for it and threw himself in the way to knock it away for a corner

Another tall striker, Sam Surridge is on and Bournemouth are that desperate that they’ve sent on ear-cupping wanker Dan Gosling for the walking streak of piss that is Philip Billing – he is absolute shite by the way. Gosling’s presence gives me more determination that we can  hold out so he can be on the pitch to savour it at the end.

Bournemouth’s increasing desperation for a goal made them just launch the ball further and higher and Callum Wilson produced a forearm smash / elbow on Ryan Bertrand when he was trying to head the ball away and it dropped to Harry Wilson who eventually shot towards the far post but McCarthy got down well to push it away. Even if I had gone in there was no way it would’ve been given because of the elbow but because the application of VAR is a bag of shit, Bournemouth still get the corner.

92 minutes and yet another long throw, this time from Kelly. No one meets it and it bounces in the box and McCarthy comes for it and spills it under pressure from Callum Wilson and Surridge slams it in the net to get a pretty undeserved equaliser. Fuck it. Can’t believe we haven’t put these fuckers to bed and it’s really annoying that their shit Wimbledon in the 90s brand of football has got them an equaliser…. but wait…. Oh, hang on a minute, it’s been reviewed by VAR.... One replay later and Callum Wilson is clearly offside and he is the one challenging McCarthy which caused him to spill the ball… This is going to be disallowed and it’s fucking hilarious.  A few seconds later before the inevitable is confirmed and it’s a free-kick to Saints. Eddie Howe and his lapdog Jason Tindall go from joy to despair.  Like I said - it’s fucking hilarious.

Oh Dear, How Sad, Never Mind

From the restart we go straight up the other end and Bertrand has the ball in the left-hand corner and I assume he’s just going to hold onto it in there but instead of that he knocks it along the goal line to Obafemi (who has come on as a time wasting sub for Ings) who plays the ball across to Che Adams who dances round at half arsed challenge before smashing it into the net past Ramsdale to make it 2-0. This is fucking hilarious. Couldn’t be funnier if it tried.

Ha ha ha ha ha - as I said, fucking hilarious. The disallowed goal was funny enough but the second goal just makes it even funnier. Saints would like a comedian delivering a joke with a brilliant punchline and before the audience to stop laughing, there is a second punchline which is even more funny.

Bournemouth kickoff, referee blows his whistle, the end.

As far as revenge goes for them being complete dicks and at St Mary‘s earlier on in the season, this was just about perfect aside from the fact that we should’ve won about 4-0. I wouldn’t swap that though for what happened in the last couple of minutes. What made it even better was that Dan Gosling was on the pitch at the end, the same Dan Gosling that had given it loads to the Saints fans in at St. Mary's last season, which must seem like such a long time ago.

Saints again proved that they are getting better at defending against long ball shite with two players upfront, which was a major weakness throughout the pre-lockdown part of the season. It’s a big compliment to us that apart from when we play teams from the upper echelons of the table, every manager we come up against tries to smash the ball up the park against us now.

That was another myth about Bournemouth that was dismantled today, specifically, the one about them playing good football. I know it was a case of needs must but honestly, if you need a result then surely you do what your're good at rather than what you're not.  95 minutes of smashing the ball long without playing any football through midfield and just hoping for flick-ons and bits and pieces. Surely after about 70 minutes of it not working very well, it was time to vary and maybe try something different but all he did was throw on more tall strikers and smash the ball even longer.  They did vary it a little bit to be fair with Eddie Howe's tactical masterclass incorporating both long balls and long throws, most of which were dealt with relatively easily by the Saints defence.  Howe couldn’t come up with any way of playing against us other than direct as he knows that we are so much better than them and he knows that the only area that they could even vaguely compete with us was aerially and physically but he reckoned without the fact that we are better at dealing with that these days. Vestergaard had his shaky moments like he always does but in the main, all of the back four and the goalkeeper stood up really well to the bombardment.  Jack Stephens improvement in the air was noticeable today and KWP had another absolutely superb game at right back. One of the things that I used to think about him was that he would struggle physically and in the air but he wins a remarkable number of headers for a player of his height because he has good technique, he gets off the ground and times the jump really well.

Again all of the midfield competed well, including Hojbjerg when he came on for the last 15 but going forward we were a little bit wasteful today, with the missed penalty the main failing but also a frustrating tendency to choose the wrong option from Nathan Redmond in particular. It was another wonderful finish from Danny Ings who was electric throughout again and it was brilliant to see Che Adams smash in another goal to increase his confidence levels going into the final game of the season and beyond.

Maybe Che can take penalties?  Bloody hell someone needs to put their hand up and own it. Personally, I would suggest Ryan Bertrand taking the responsibility or maybe Stuart Armstrong. JWP obviously strikes the best ball at the club but he needs to develop a penalty technique which is nothing like his freekick technique and I’m sorry, I can’t stand the way Danny Ings takes penalties, just trying to roll it into the corner. It’s a keeper goes the right way then he saves it, it’s that simple but Danny Ings can do whatever he likes.  Personally, I would rather see Vestergaard leather the shit out of it.

Also, it has to be said that we came up against a goalkeeper who was absolutely at the top of his game in Aaron Ramsdale who I will add to the list of players that Bournemouth will probably lose if, as seems inevitable, they go down.  One thing I will say about Bournemouth is that they were playing for the manager today and put in a lot of effort, including those are usually don’t bother like Josh King. King should be praised in particular especially because all he had to do was chase balls into the corner and try and win balls against our centre backs, one of whom is 6 foot 7.  Oddly, if they win their last game at Everton, they'll finish above Watford won't get another point in their last 2 games and they are only 3 points and 4 goals ahead of The Cherries.  Villa are the team they have to worry about as they do at least look vaguely capable of winning a game.  As today's game progressed, it emerged that Watford have sacked Nigel Pearson with two games to go, having seen him drag them out of the relegation zone.  What a ridiculous football club they are and I hope they go down.

Next and last up is another game against a team who may have more to play for than we do as we take on Sheffield United at St Mary’s, who may or may not still have a Europa League spot to aim for. Would you be against us though?