Monday, March 9, 2020

Premier League Match 29 - Southampton 0 Newcastle 1



McCarthy 1 Skates 0

Newcastle at home and are we going to be getting flip-flops out for the summer or are we going to be pondering it all getting a bit squeaky between now and the end of the season. Don’t get me wrong, it will still take a monumental collapse for us to be dragged into the relegation fight but losing this game at home would be a symptom of such a monumental collapse.  I think I can say without fear of contradiction that Newcastle are very very average and their manager is very very average as well. Southampton’s best is easily better than Newcastle’s best but if we’re not 100% on it then we don’t think we can play below our best and win any game, let alone one against a team that sets up to defend like Newcastle will undoubtedly do.

When someone asks the question, “what kind of manager is Steve Bruce?”… the answer is “a fat one“ and that may be monumentally disrespectful to a guy who in my opinion, given the shower of shit he has as an owner and given the squad at his disposal, has actually done quite well to have Newcastle in a place where they’re not in immediate threat of relegation. He has basically achieved the same as Rafa Benitez did last season but for some reason, Steve Bruce, a true Geordie let it be said, is not thought of in the same way.

Having said that Newcastle have shit owners, the shit owner stumped up £40 million quid for a new centre forward at the start of the season but the trouble is, whoever was in charge of recruitment spent the money on Joelinton, who is to Newcastle what Guido Camillo is to Southampton aside from the fact that Newcastle paid twice as much for their man. Watch him score twice today.

Elsewhere in the team, Saint Maximim and Almiron have mainly flattered to deceive and Jonjo Shelvey started the season really well but now seems do you have fallen away a bit.  Defensively they seem quite strong with seasoned Premier League players Cairan Clark, Jamal Lascelles and Federico Fernández. None of them are outstanding individually but as a unit, in the main they do a good job. Behind them you have a goalkeeper Martin Dubravka who is easily good enough to play for a much better team than the Magpies are and he has kept them in many a game this season.  They of course have Andy Carroll who turned the game when we played them at St James’s Park earlier on in the season like he always does but like he always is, he is currently injured though even if he’s got both legs in plaster, expect him to make an appearance of the bench today and caused endless problems.

This week at Staplewood has seen Moussa Djenepo back and Sofiane Boufal looking fit and raring to go. We have also had confirmation that Will Smallbone has been ill and will miss the game and Stuart Armstrong has concussion, caused by the first minute elbow from Aaron Cresswell at West Ham last week. You  know the one, the one where the referee didn’t even review it. I watched it back a couple of times and if that’s not a red card, I don’t know what is and it’s another one to add to the list of what the fuck are the referees up to with VAR. It also raises the question of concussion protocol because if he still suffering with it a week later, there is clearly no way Armstrong should’ve played the rest of that game having been smashed on the head. With Armstrong joining Nathan Redmond on the sidelines, I’m hoping to see both Boufal and Djenepo on the wings given license to attack what will surely be a very defensive Newcastle.

The team is in and a very positive line-up.  Both wingers are included and Yan Valery is preferred to KWP at right back which must make Daniel Levy fume.  

Away we go and if anything Newcastle start the brighter and after 8 ,minutes the first big chance as a long ball goes down our left which we seem to assume is going to run out but Shelvey keeps it in and easily gets the cross over. Gayle has lost Valery and is unmarked in the middle and smashes it goalwards forcing a good save from McCarthy but it bounces clear and Almiron has an open goal but McCarthy saves again before it goes back to Almiron again and McCarthy once more pushes around the past. Reminiscent of Antii Niemi at his finest.

Nothing much happens until the half hour mark when Djenepo nips around a player and over runs it and clatters into Hayden, picking up a yellow card from referee Graham Scott. No one seems that bothered and Newcastle are getting ready to take the freekick when the dreaded “VAR checking for foul play possible red card” appears on the screen. I’ve already got a sinking feeling as Graham Scott goes over to the touchline monitor which is a first in a game at St Mary’s. We all know what is coming, just get on with it you wanker.... and Moussa is sent off. They make the mistake of showing it once on the big screen as he walks off in tears and on one viewing at the other end of the ground, it really doesn’t look completely clear and obvious but typically, off he goes and we face an hour with 10 men. The last time that happened was of course when we lost 9-0 but fortunately for us, Newcastle are no Leicester City.

With boos bringing round the stadium, Saints look to reshuffle with Danny Ings dropping to the left wing and Shelvey curls a brilliant cross in behind the defence and Dwight Gayle meets it with a free header about 8 yards out and once more McCarthy spreads himself to keep it at 0-0. Saints are of course going into every challenge a little bit more forcefully and Graham Scott is being a fucking wanker and giving absolutely everything Newcastle’s way. There is another chance as Saint Maximin bursts past Boufal and Valery on the right hand side and pulls it back and Dwight Gayle puts it wide at the near post. Perhaps the goals are bigger in the Championship.

Scott is at it again in a moment later, giving a free kick nowhere near the ball for the sort of tangle that happens off the ball and virtually every minute of every Premier league game. Matt Skate Bastard Ritchie take the freekick and Lascelles volleys it into the net but he looks a long way offside and the fat old linesman and then a very quick VAR check confirms this. The only surprise is that Graham Scott didn’t overrule everything and give a goal.

Newcastle get a corner on the right hand side and it is eventually cleared when Saint Maximin fails to control and Boufal runs up the field with it. He then goes past Fernandez who holds him back and gets a yellow card for his trouble to much ironic cheering from the crowd. Oh hang on, the fucking VAR screen has come up again and is checking for a penalty which must be against us and must be something to do with the Boufal and Saint Maximin challenge. All I’ve seen is that challenge is the Newcastle player having hold of Boufal’s arm but apparently they are checking for handball and what do you fucking know... Penalty to Newcastle.    I feel I need to apologise for any bad language you may have heard in the Family Stand.  Anyway, Up steps the skate bastard and FUCK OFF YOU SKATE BASTARD…. Says a voice from behind me, and he smashes it left footed but McCarthy turns into a superhero and flies to his left to keep it out low down. Fucking brilliant save and again the only surprise is that Graham Scott and the VAR twats don’t combine to make him take it again.

Somehow we have got to half-time still level and deservedly so given all that’s going on. There is a sense of disbelief in the ground. Without seeing either incident again and only having seen it once on the big screen, I feel that Djenepo’s red card is harsh and that the penalty decision against Boufal should’ve been a freekick the other way because that was the first offence. Fucks sake.

We have our first chance of the second half when along McCarthy clearance is well brought down by Shane Long and for once there’s a goal threat as he turns and smashes it goalwards but unfortunately it is straight at Dubravka.

The game develops into a familiar pattern of Newcastle having lots and lots of possession but doing absolutely fuck all with it because they are clueless going forward and Saints trying to break when we win the ball but we’re not getting players forward quickly enough and we’re not managing to hold the ball up well enough up front. Shane Long is absolutely flogging himself to death so you can’t fault him but he does waste one opportunity when rolling it sideways to Ings would have served us better than slamming it at a spectator in row Z.

Long has to go off with 15 to go and so it’s another chance for Che Adams but no sooner does he set foot on the pitch then disaster strikes as a hopeful ball is chipped forward and Valery has it under control but he inexplicably fucks around with it and neither clears it nor nods it back to McCarthy and Saint Maximin nicks the ball off him runs through and scores comfortably. Fucks sake.

Ralph throws on Obafemi to try and give us something more up front but we’ve got nothing and a deflating inevitability comes over to the proceedings with 10 minutes to go. In fact, it’s hard to remember either Adams or Obafemi touching the ball.

Fucking hell what a dismal defeat. We have managed to lose, home and away to the side which has absolutely nothing. Absolute fucking rubbish are Newcastle and they’ve beaten us twice. Today of course we had to play an hour with 10 men after what I thought at the time was a very harsh decision to send off Moussa Djenepo.  However, on proper viewing he really had to go - it makes you wonder how Graham Scott missed it.  Whether you think it was a red card or not (and most people seem to think that it was), isn’t it typical that after weeks of VAR doing fuck all except back up the referees decision or non-decision, today, the referee gives a decision and gives out a yellow card and then VAR fucking upgrades it via the pitch-side monitor, which have also hardly ever been used this season. We had a reputation for being a lucky with VAR at the start of the season but we are getting completely shafted at the moment. Then we managed to get a handball given against us in our own penalty area. It’s the same penalty area where Alderweireld had his arm at right angles when the ball hit it and we’ve had the Mee and Tanganga incidents as well but typically, they’ve decided to give defensive handballs now when we do one.  There were 3 incidents in the Boufal one –

1) Saint Maximin grabs Boufal’s right arm,
2) Boufal handles it with his left arm,
3) Fernandez pulls Boufal back. 

Graham Scott only saw the 3rd one and whatever twat was on VAR only saw the 2nd one.  Number 1 clearly happens so therefore, how can it be clear and obviously a penalty.  My guess is that the VAR twat didn’t even look at that and was just looking at whether Boufal handballed it or not.  Anyway – no matter because the Skate Bastard missed.

Newcastle were so shit that the only were they were ever going to score was if someone fucked up as sure as eggs are eggs, someone did and Yan Valery was the man with a horrifically casual bit of defending that allowed Saint Maximin to run through and poke it beyond the otherwise brilliant Alex McCarthy.  What a performance from the goalkeeper we had today. The triple save at the start of the game, the save from the free header and then the penalty save from the mouthy little skate twat. He didn’t deserve to be on the losing side today.

The red card of course meant Danny Ings playing out of position on the left wing for virtually the whole game which left Shane to do all the hassling and harrying upfront which he did unquestioningly until he had to be dragged off on about 75 minutes. The trouble with the leaving Shane upfront instead of Danny was that of course we had no goal threat and on the couple of occasions that we did threaten we were wasteful, with poor crosses usually being the reason why. As Newcastle are so bad, we really should’ve had more ambition than to just play for 0-0 and not commit anyone forward.

Everyone put in a shift and worked really hard including the man who eventually made the mistake. I was impressed with the defensive discipline that Boufal showed despite it not really being his game and Danny Ings worked his nuts off going up and down the left flank. Defensively we are comfortable enough with Newcastle offering very sporadic threat. We really should’ve come out of this with a point.

Ralph picked a good starting line-up today but it was course undone by the red card. Could he have made the substitutions earlier? Well it was 0-0 when he made them and to be honest we didn’t have anyone on the bench really who was going to make much of a difference.  A goalkeeper, two centre backs, one full-back, a defensive midfielder and two strikers. When the substitutions did come, Neither Adams or Obafemi really had a touch of the ball.

What annoys me so much about Che Adams is that Shane Long had flogged himself for 75 minutes and was absolutely knackered and he has been taken off because we need fresh legs from the bench as Shane couldn’t run any more. It is therefore reasonable to assume the putting a fresh player on would mean that the pressing in the front half of the pitch would pick up again because you’ve got a fresh player and not a knackered one but a fresh Che Adams playing against tired defenders, does less than a dead Shane Long who has played since the start.  .I’m not expecting strikers to come on and score or create a goal even, as that’s difficult when you’ve only got 10 minutes but the minimum requirement is to put in some effort and I don’t see Adams doing that. People are saying that he needs a run in the team - well he’s not going to get a fucking run in the team unless he works harder. He is our fourth choice striker for a reason and there’s a reason he only gets 10 minutes here and there.

Onwards - the next two games are suddenly very important as we have Norwich and Watford before we start getting some of the big boys come around again in the shape of Manchester City, Everton and Manchester United. The need to win a game out of the next two has suddenly come into sharp focus.

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