1st May 1976 - FA Cup Final - Southampton 1 Manchester United 0

Disclaimer, for context.

Those who were old enough to go to the game could do a better write-up than me.

I was seven years old in May 1976. My actual experience of the FA Cup final was watching it on our family’s little TV in our house in New Road, Netley with my mum and dad. Dad had queued up for tickets outside The Dell but had been unsuccessful so here we were. The first game I actually attended was a month before the final at Fratton Park of all places. We won 1-0 with a last minute Mick Channon winner and Pompey’s Relegation to Division 3 was confirmed as a result. All of that was lost on me at the time, as was the fact that three of the heroes of 1976, Jim Steele, Jim McCalliog and Peter Osgood had been dropped from the Portsmouth game for celebrating a little bit too enthusiastically after the semi-final win against Crystal Palace. The memories of watching the final are surprisingly clear and I particularly remember my dad running round the room when the ball hit the net. Courtesy of the Nostalgic TV DVD, I watched the whole thing from start to finish today and I have to say, it brought a tear to the eye when Bobby’s shot hit the net.

I have not written this from the point of view of seven-year-old me. I’ve tried to write it as if this blog existed in 1976 and adult me was around then.... this is where it all gets a little bit like an episode of Doctor Who... if I was the age I am now in 1976, I would be 95 now, which coincidentally, it’s probably roughly the age I’ll be the next time I have a new Saints game to write about.

Anyway.... 1st May 1976.

The Moment Bobby Stokes Became a Legend

At last the day is here, the 1976 FA Cup Final against Manchester United at Wembley.  Have we got a chance? If you believe the media we've got none and Bobby Charlton thinks United will win 6-0.  Well I guess you’ve always got a bit of a chance but if you look at it logically and on paper, we haven’t got much of one. We are a Division 2 side after all and they look like they going to finish third in Division 1 so it’s a bit of a stretch to imagine we can win this game. Why not though – Magic of the Cup and all that.

I think our team it’s pretty much set in stone.  Though the likes of Bennett, Andruszewski, Williams, Mills, Fisher and Earls have all played some games since we beat Palace in the semi-final, I can’t see any of them making the line-up for the final.   Fisher won’t get back in for Gilchrist but other than that, it’ll be the experienced boys back in as that’s the one thing that we have got that United haven’t.  They of course have got all these brilliant young players like Lou Macari, Steve Coppell, Gordon Hill and Sammy McIlroy and it’s going to be bloody hard for us to compete against them.   The United side is a bit of a who’s who of international football with international players from England Scotland, Northern and the Republic of Ireland.  Coppell and Hill are ridiculously good players on the wings and Pearson up front is a handful so I would imagine a few tackles will be flying in early on. If they got weaknesses anywhere I guess it’s in defence and goalkeeper Alex Stepney must be about 70 now which puts him on a par with most of our side. In front of him they have Scotland’s Martin Buchan and Brian Greenhoff who was a midfielder until recently.

Aside from experience, what have we got that they haven’t?  Well, of course we have Mick Channon, still with us and still playing for England despite being in Division 2 but we but if the like of Osgood McCalliog (ex-United of course) and if Rodrigues can roll back the years – who knows? I worry about Ian Turner in goal and the full backs are going to be tested severely, especially Rodrigues against Gordon Hill.

United manager Tommy Docherty has a certain arrogance about him which you’re allowed to have if you manage a team as good as United are. I think it’s the sort of guy that you love if he’s on your side and hate if he’s on the other. This is direct contrast to Lawrie Mac who everyone seems to love at the moment. It’s been quite a journey for Lawrie considering we got relegated in his first season in charge but this is a reward for him and reward for the club for sticking with him. Regardless of how today goes, all he has to do is get us promoted and he’ll be a legend in the city for as long as he walks among us.

It’s been a strange season really. We should’ve got promoted and started reasonably well but a dreadful run until the end of October really put a big dent in any aspirations we might have had of getting promoted. Still, the big winning run over Christmas and the New Year to the end of February got us to fourth place and just one point outside the promotion places, but that run of defeats around the Bradford quarter-final really killed us. In fact, we didn’t win a game between the quarter-final in the semi-final. The results picked up immediately after the semi-final win but the fixture pile-up eventually caught up with us and the two defeats in two days down in the west country to Plymouth and Bristol Rovers killed any outside chance as we had of getting promoted.  6th place is alright and it’s better than last season but next year we have to do better. Okay, we won the two South Coast Derbies but that’s not real great achievement against a side that finished rock bottom of the division and were largely rubbish until relegation was confirmed when we beat them at Fratton Park, after which they picked up a few points.

The Fixture Pile-Up From Hell - 2 games in 2 days, 3 games in 4 days, 5 games in 10 days

Still, if by some bloody miracle we can win today, no one will care and we will come back next season and have another go.

To the team news and it’s completely as expected with just the one change from last week‘s game against Hull with Steve Mills dropping out to be replaced by David Peach. Out of the five or six who could’ve made the bench, it’s no surprise to see more experience on there in the shape of Hugh Fisher as opposed to the more versatile Andruszewski or the promise of Williams.  So Turner in goal, Rodrigues, Peach, Blyth and Steele in defence, Gilchrist, McCalliog and Holmes in midfield with Channon, Osgood and Stokes up front.  Come on you Saints. 

Wembley is looking magnificent on this gloriously sunny day, the twin towers providing the backdrop for the formalities and national anthem and brass bands and all that stuff.  3pm and it’s time to go and Clive Thomas, the strutting, show pony referee from Wales, gets us underway.

Away we go and we are taking absolutely no chances. We’re not passing the ball at all, just sending it long towards Channon and Osgood at every opportunity.  For someone who has played at Wembley a number of times, Channon might have nerves or put the wrong boots on because every touch he has goes straight to a United player. In his defence, it is difficult to control all these balls that are six foot over your head. United are playing all the football and when they get the ball out to Coppell or Hill there is danger everywhere with Pearson lurking up front and McIlroy just behind him. Coppell cuts inside Peach onto his left foot and gets a shot on target and Turner makes everyone shit themselves by dropping the ball into the penalty area before fortunately being given a free-kick for offside as the ball bounced in between to onrushing United players.

Shit, it’s all United but you don’t mind if the right back Forsyth is having a shot from 25 yards and he blazes it well wide. There is another moment as a ball over the top of the defence sees Turner come flying out and block McIlroy right on the edge of the penalty area. Good save to be fair but we are living dangerously so far.

The game has settled into a pattern of United looking dangerous when they have the ball and us trying to break quickly when they lose it. From one such break, Osgood tees up Gilchrist but by the time his shot reaches Stepney, it hardly has any pace in it at all and the keeper just picks it up.

We have survived the first 15 and are actually starting to play a little bit now. Peach is getting forward well and slings over across from the left hand side which is cleared and after some decent play up the left by Peach and Holmes, we win a corner.  Outswinger from Peach and Osgood rises well the heads over the bar.

Osgood is beginning to take centre stage now. He manages to lose the ball on the edge of our own penalty area by pissing about but then gets back into position to casually knock it back to Turner. He is also our major threat at the other end as United don’t seem to be able to handle him in the air. It just needs the right ball into him and Jimmy Mac’s latest effort it’s just a little bit too high and he heads over again.

The threat from United may not be as alarming but they are still very dangerous whenever the wingers get the ball and Coppell is sent crashing to the turf by Holmes on the edge of the box but fortunately, Forsyth complete wastes the free-kick. Hill on the left absolutely cruises past Rodrigues and leaves Blyth on his arse before teeing up Daly, whose goalbound shot is blocked by a mixture of Steele and Turner.

Half an hour gone and the two Saints players who have been driving me nuts by giving the ball away continually, namely McCalliog and Channon, combine as Jimmy Mac gets it right with a wonderful ball over the top and Channon is through with just Stepney to beat but he has to take it first time and Stepney spread himself really well to save his feet. Bastard. If nothing else this proves that we are not going to be steamrollered by this lot and we can create chances as long as we can keep it tight at the back.  Our approach when United have the ball could best be described as ‘uncompromising’.  Everyone is flying in and not giving United any time at all.

As half time approaches we have another half chance following a corner but Rodrigues is on the end of it and hits a shot which is closer to the sun than the goal and we get away with one at the other end as Big Jim Steele absolutely launches Pearson on the edge of the box but the ball runs out and for some reason, Clive Thomas gives a goal kick... hilarious. There is a similar incident just before half-time when this time it’s Nick Holmes who launches Coppell into the air and Thomas gives to the free-kick that should’ve given to the Steele challenge which was much worse.  Anyway, over it comes and after a bit of a flap by Turner, a United shot comes in which hits Mel Blyth but Thomas has seen enough of the first half and we going into the break still at 0-0.  Not bad for a team who didn’t have a chance.

Everyone of a Southampton persuasion would have taken this at half time.  They were the better side for the first 15 but after that it’s been even.  If anything we have looked the more likely to score and we look more compact than they do when defending.  Believe.

It looks like both Channon and Osgood have been given a bit of a bollocking after the first half because they both come out like men possessed in the second. First off, Jimmy Steele waltzes out of defence and puts Channon away on the left and Channon tries to take Buchan on the outside but the United player just about sees him off. Mick then turns up on the right hand side and has a run at Houston but it sent infield into the traffic loses the ball and then wonderfully, cynically takes out Macari as he tries to break away.

United still pose a bit of threat as Coppell beats Steele’s attempted to launch him into the crowd down the left hand side before pulling it back for Stuart Pearson to volley over the bar. We were lucky that the ball came to him a little bit too quickly and a little bit high.

There’s a bit of concern as Rodrigues goes down and stays down but United play on and eventually the ball goes out so the trainer can get on to the Saints skipper. He is back on his feet in a minute or so but he doesn’t look like he knows where he is and United win a corner. Over it comes, flicked on and there is Sammy McIlroy at the back post who has completely lost Rodrigues who has kind of collapsed inside the goal and he heads against the angle of post and crossbar. Bloody hell we were a bit lucky there.

Rodrigues still doesn’t seem to know where he is a few minutes later when he turns up in the inside right position after we’ve built up down the left through Osgood and Channon.  Channon’s ball across is met by the skipper unfortunately the bang on the head has not giving him the ability of a striker and he slices of first time effort hopelessly wide.  There is a much better chance of a goal next as Channon breaks down the right hand side, plays a 1-2 with Jimmy Mac before cutting inside on his left foot and blasting just over the angle of post and crossbar.

On 67 there’s a bit of a surprise when Tommy Doherty decides to take off golden bollocks Gordon Hill and replace with David McCreery. Bit of an odd one that but I’m really not complaining.  Hill started well but has really gone into his shell in the face of the tough tackling of Rodrigues and the relentless running and harrying of Paul Gilchrist.

After taking a while to get going in this game, Mick Channon is really coming to the party now. He’s getting the ball down and trying to play give-and-goes with anyone because he knows there is no one in the United defence who can match his pace. Elsewhere, Nick Holmes knocks down and Bobby Stokes let’s fly and over the bar before another great move with Jimmy Mac finding Channon who picked out Osgood and his shot is comfortably saved by Stepney.  We are definitely look in the more threatening now but you know what’s going to happen if we don’t make it count.

But We've Got No Chance...

83 minutes and Turner lunches a goal kick up the right hand side. Channon reads the bounce and flicks it inside to Jimmy Mac who weights a perfect ball over the top of Greenhoff and Stokes is onside, he's got away from Forsyth and on the bounce, hits it first time across Stepney and into the far bottom corner of the net. Pandemonium.  Bobby Stokes has scored but you can’t see him as he has 10 blokes on top of him. I cannot believe we are actually winning this and it has to be said, deservedly so. Seven minutes to go and this is where our experience should hopefully tell.

However, straight from the fucking kick off, there’s a ball over the top and Gerry Daly is clean through against Turner who thankfully is not as asleep as everyone else and he’s out really quickly again and it’s a big ‘man and ball’ challenge with the ball fortunately dropping down in front of the goalkeeper to pick up. Ian Turner is turning into a hero after looking, at the start of the game, like the reason we would probably lose.

We are not in too much trouble and United are getting increasingly desperate. Coppell still looks like a threat on the right hand side but the goalscorer Stokes is now playing as an extra full back, getting back to cover if Coppell ever does get past Peach.

As the clock approaches 90, we break out again and Nick Holmes, who was still full of running, has the ball on the right hand side and for some reason, slings it into the box with no thought of just keeping the ball away from the United players. Needless to say, they break from this and it’s Holmes himself who has to get back and gives away a free kick for nothing much. Just piss off referee... over it comes, Holmes clears, 90, 91... Blow the fucking whistle!

Another United attack and offside in the left back area. Before anyone could smash the free-kick up the pitch, Clive Thomas blows his whistle and we’ve fucking done it.  Oh yes we have - get in there. Little old Southampton from Division 2 have won the FA Cup. All the United fan boys will be crying in their beer but who cares, we’ve fucking done it. Making up the numbers were we?  The scenes are absolutely mental. There are players rolling around on the pitch, there are some consoling some crying United players but it’s our day, it’s All Saints Day and we have won one of the biggest club competitions in the world..

The Queen Meets Peter Rodrigues

Up the 39 steps go the boys and Peter Rodrigues receives the cup off of the Queen and I’m sure even she appreciates the significance of the little club from the South Coast taking on the trophy. Rodrigues lifts the cup and the noise is deafening.  Back down to the pitch and off on a chaotic lap of honour.

Every player a hero, 1 to 11. Ian Turner was dodgy in places but always managed to get something in the way and made some important saves as the game went on and he can retire one day knowing that he kept a clean sheet in an FA Cup Final. Where do you start with the defenders who were magnificent throughout. You have to start with Jim Steele really and you do wonder how good this guy could be. Other teams have got their hard men at the back of course but right now, I wouldn’t swap Mel Blyth or Steele for any of them. The full backs kept United’s two best players relatively quiet with a mixture of ability and just making sure the United players knew they were there and that a tackle was coming flying in.  What a day for Jim McCalliog in midfield. Never really made it at United but here he is now setting up the winning goal in the FA Cup final against them and what a ball that was.  Doesn’t matter if he gives the ball away a few times – he played the best two passes today to tee up the goal and Channon’s miss in the first half.  The industry of Holmes and Gilchrist either side of him and the work they put in to help out the full backs were the foundations of what today’s win was built on. Up front, Channon wasn’t at his electrifying best for much of the game and Osgood didn’t set the world alight but the reputation of those two guys meant that United were preoccupied with them and didn’t notice Bobby Stokes who will never have to buy another drink in Southampton for as long as he lives.

No one will remember who got promoted from Division 2 this season and not many people will remember who won Division 1 even but everyone will remember who won the FA Cup in 1976 and everyone will remember where they were at the time. The names of the Southampton players will go down in history and anyone who is a football fan, no matter who they support, will know the names of Lawrie McMenemy and Bobby Stokes in particular. Legend status assured.

Tomorrow is the tour of the city which promises to be absolutely chaotic in a good way and if a few of the players managed to get in trouble with the club to going out on the piss after the semi-final, it’s hard to imagine them turning up unscathed tomorrow or indeed for Mick Channon’s testimonial against QPR the day after. That also promises to be completely ridiculous - what's the capacity at The Dell?

Bring it on.



If you've not seen it, the whole game is on You Tube.  Marvel at the keeper picking up back-passes, keepers not wearing gloves, the offside rule being simple, players not rolling around and players not timewasting.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vv9-Dxqoys

Also, a club video from the 40th anniversary of the cup win
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=he4r07yqlzU

Everything's Fine.... Actually, No It's Not.

Liverpool's Premier League Trophy Revealed

Norwich away but before that, board level matters at Southampton Football Club.

There have been a few rumours about Chairman Gao putting the club up for sale for £250 million quid. I’m very, very cynical about this. I think there’s a big difference between actively looking to sell something and just putting the word out that maybe, if anyone has £250 million quid and fancies buying a football club, I might be prepared to listen. If he really wanted or needed to sell it for some reason, like the Chinese government having his nuts in a vice or whatever, then I think the asking price would be less than £250 million. None of this logic or logic like it has stopped the Twitterverse throwing up mocked up Red Bull Southampton kits and rebranded stadiums and the like and in classic fashion, people have been getting very very angry about what is obviously someone pissing about.

The accounts got published and without going into specifics, probably gave a good indication as to why Chairman Gao wants shot of the club as everything was worse than it was last year with the headlines being that we lost £39 million compared to the previous year and our wage bill was 77% of turnover which seems very high – apparently the UEFA warning flag is thrown at 70%. This is us still paying for the shite recruitment of the latter Les Reed years, work that was continued by Ross Wilson who apparently was 100% responsible for the Carrillo panic buy.

Having five big earning players out on loan, namely Forster, Lemina, Elyounoussi, Carrillo and Hoedt is undoubtedly a major factor here. Saints put Baldrick up to be interviewed (they changed his name to Toby Steele) and he explained away the losses by saying that we could’ve sold those five players if we wanted to and then in the same breath he said that we couldn’t sell those players because there was no market for them but the loan market is very buoyant. He was also asked if there was any truth in the chairman putting the club up for sale and he answered a different question, given the answer that no one was interested in buying the club as far as he knew. Nothing to worry about then with guys like Baldrick pulling the strings.  Baldrick, like any man with a cunning plan that cunning, did not fill me with confidence.  

The hole in the accounts Sir - I have a cunning plan!

However, in Baldrick’s defence, you have to wonder what he or anyone else on the Saints Board knows about Gao and his intentions.  If we are to be sustainable and want to strengthen the team then we have to stop making such a balls of our recruitment.  Aside from these five on loan, we have the expensive Boufal, Vestergaard and Adams – none of whom are first team regulars.  It does worry me that if a bid does come in for the likes of Nathan Redmond, who we really don’t want to lose, then we may find it hard to turn down.  If we do end up weakening the starting XI going in to next season then we’re in trouble on the pitch and where then for Gao’s investment if the worst happens.  Apparently, we would like some investment but who the hell is going to invest in Gao's club who is not from China as you can rule out any Chinese associates he has due to the government not being too keen on Chinese money leaving the country.

Anyway... back to Norfolk and a rather important game.

Think of Norwich and what do you think of? Personally, I think of Alan Partridge and Grant Holt for some reason. During our ascent of the leagues when we were competing with Norwich who made the same journey as us, Grant Holt was their talismanic striker in the same way that Sir Rickie Lambert was ours. Whilst Rickie lost weight to play his best football, Grant Holt remained a big fat bastard but he was effective for a short period of time.

I also remember Grant Holt falling over another guy who had a few weight issues as well (and still does) in Luke Shaw and he won a penalty off of Mark Twattenberg at Carrow Road. Holt missed the resulting penalty and we got a draw out of the game but I didn’t stop Mauricio Pochettino marching across the pitch to have words with Twattenberg after the game. Oh how I hated Mark Twattenberg but in the eyes of many, he was a decent referee who got selected to go to international tournaments, unlike any of the arseholes we’ve got refereeing games at the moment. Can we please have a game today where neither team feels like they’ve been fucked over either by the idiot in the middle or the idiot looking at the VAR screens. You have to say the chances of that happening are not very good because the man in the middle is Lee Mason who is usually shit. On VAR we have John Moss and the consolation there is that at least when watching a TV screen, no doubt with a pint and a burger, his lack of fitness shouldn’t be too much of an issue.

Of course, Norwich have the legendary Delia Smith and “lets be ‘avin you” when pissed as a fart and all that stuff. Norwich have left themselves a mountain to climb if they want to not get relegated at the end of the first season back in the Premier League and this is a game that they must surely win to have any chance as banking on Coronavirus getting the league voided is a bit of a desperate tactic.

They have taken a few scalps at home but I see them as a bit of a soft touch and we should be confident about getting a result from this game. They have been described as the best team ever to have been bottom of the table. What a load of horse shit, said by people who in the next breath say that this is the worst standard Premier League of all time.

Norwich don’t have Grant Holt any more but they do have Teemu Pukki who for a while looked like he was going to keep them up single-handedly but his goal return has dried up and we could do with that remaining the case today. Todd Cantwell and Emiliano Buendia have chipped in with a few goals from midfield but just not enough and defensively, fuck me, they still have Grant Hanley in the team. I’m sure there are League 1 sides that he would struggle to get in. Tim Krul is in goal and he has always been decent and I like the look of Max Aarons at right back.

..... And I wrote all that for nothing because of coronavirus.  I’ll probably use it again when the game does get played.

Thursday, Norwich - Game On!

So on the Thursday before the game, Norwich said it was all fine and the game was happening with fans watching and everything and neither the Government or the Premier League were saying anything different and then shit got real with high-profile figures like our former player Manolo Gabbiadini, Mikel Arteta and Callum Hudson-Odoi testing positive for the virus. There are lots of rumours kicking around at the moment about what is going to happen to the league and the forthcoming European Championships but typically, Europe are a long way ahead of the game then we are in the UK and they are cancelling things and playing matches behind close doors where is in good old Britain with our Islander mentality, we were just carrying on as normal and waiting for everybody to catch it..... and then we decided to do what everyone else was doing and cancel everything, initially until April 3.  Chances of restarting on April 4^th – Zero.

There seems to be a few schools of thought regarding football. One is to cancel the season altogether and pretend it never happened which would be fucking hilarious because Liverpool would not win the league again, Leeds would not get promoted and Pompey wouldn’t get promoted either, nor win the Football League trophy again.    This won't happen though speaking as someone who remembers being really excited about Saints qualifying for Europe in 1985, it's a good job my bitterness towards Liverpool hasn't lasted 35 years.

There is talk of taking the current league positions as the final positions and giving Liverpool the title and relegate in the bottom three - lawsuit central if that happened. The rulebook does appear to have mention of 75% of games being the cut-off point but this is for if a team dropped out of the league. This means that if a team dropped out of the league having played 75% of their games then the results of the clubs got against them would still stand. The said rule doesn’t make it clear though if the league would then be decided on average points per game or whatever because you clearly couldn’t have some teams having played extra games purely because they played the disbanded team earlier in the fixture list.  

Representatives of certain clubs have suggested canning the league, relegating no one and promoting the top 2 from the Championship and having a bigger division next season.  Brighton and West Ham are up for this – I wonder why.  I wonder if they’d be so keen on relegating all of the current bottom 6 as they’re all shit and having a smaller league next season.  I really hope that when / if the League resumes, Brighton and West Ham go down for even suggesting it.

There is also been talk of cancelling the Euros and pushing them back a year and hopefully finishing the Premier League and the EFL in the summer. This is what I believe will happen but what that means for the transfer window and players contracts and all that is anyone’s guess.  With roughly 10 games left for every team, it needs at least six weeks to finish the domestic season so all the problems will really start if the fixtures don’t restart by the middle of May. The Premier League in particular will want the games to be played, mainly for reasons of money and this is either revenue from broadcasting or the potential threat of being sued by various clubs if everything is cancelled. Games behind close doors have already proved to bring crowds to hang around outside the stadium so from a safety point of view, playing behind closed doors is not the answer but I see this being the way forward if we approach mid May and the green light has not yet been given to restart all matches in the usual fashion. Basically, it could turn into a real fucking mess.

Anyway, football is not the priority right now as everyone knows.  We will all miss it and it’s going to be a great day when it comes back.

Premier League Match 29 - Southampton 0 Newcastle 1

McCarthy 1 Skates 0

Newcastle at home and are we going to be getting flip-flops out for the summer or are we going to be pondering it all getting a bit squeaky between now and the end of the season. Don’t get me wrong, it will still take a monumental collapse for us to be dragged into the relegation fight but losing this game at home would be a symptom of such a monumental collapse.  I think I can say without fear of contradiction that Newcastle are very very average and their manager is very very average as well. Southampton’s best is easily better than Newcastle’s best but if we’re not 100% on it then we don’t think we can play below our best and win any game, let alone one against a team that sets up to defend like Newcastle will undoubtedly do.

When someone asks the question, “what kind of manager is Steve Bruce?”… the answer is “a fat one“ and that may be monumentally disrespectful to a guy who in my opinion, given the shower of shit he has as an owner and given the squad at his disposal, has actually done quite well to have Newcastle in a place where they’re not in immediate threat of relegation. He has basically achieved the same as Rafa Benitez did last season but for some reason, Steve Bruce, a true Geordie let it be said, is not thought of in the same way.

Having said that Newcastle have shit owners, the shit owner stumped up £40 million quid for a new centre forward at the start of the season but the trouble is, whoever was in charge of recruitment spent the money on Joelinton, who is to Newcastle what Guido Camillo is to Southampton aside from the fact that Newcastle paid twice as much for their man. Watch him score twice today.

Elsewhere in the team, Saint Maximim and Almiron have mainly flattered to deceive and Jonjo Shelvey started the season really well but now seems do you have fallen away a bit.  Defensively they seem quite strong with seasoned Premier League players Cairan Clark, Jamal Lascelles and Federico Fernández. None of them are outstanding individually but as a unit, in the main they do a good job. Behind them you have a goalkeeper Martin Dubravka who is easily good enough to play for a much better team than the Magpies are and he has kept them in many a game this season.  They of course have Andy Carroll who turned the game when we played them at St James’s Park earlier on in the season like he always does but like he always is, he is currently injured though even if he’s got both legs in plaster, expect him to make an appearance of the bench today and caused endless problems.

This week at Staplewood has seen Moussa Djenepo back and Sofiane Boufal looking fit and raring to go. We have also had confirmation that Will Smallbone has been ill and will miss the game and Stuart Armstrong has concussion, caused by the first minute elbow from Aaron Cresswell at West Ham last week. You  know the one, the one where the referee didn’t even review it. I watched it back a couple of times and if that’s not a red card, I don’t know what is and it’s another one to add to the list of what the fuck are the referees up to with VAR. It also raises the question of concussion protocol because if he still suffering with it a week later, there is clearly no way Armstrong should’ve played the rest of that game having been smashed on the head. With Armstrong joining Nathan Redmond on the sidelines, I’m hoping to see both Boufal and Djenepo on the wings given license to attack what will surely be a very defensive Newcastle.

The team is in and a very positive line-up.  Both wingers are included and Yan Valery is preferred to KWP at right back which must make Daniel Levy fume.  

Away we go and if anything Newcastle start the brighter and after 8 ,minutes the first big chance as a long ball goes down our left which we seem to assume is going to run out but Shelvey keeps it in and easily gets the cross over. Gayle has lost Valery and is unmarked in the middle and smashes it goalwards forcing a good save from McCarthy but it bounces clear and Almiron has an open goal but McCarthy saves again before it goes back to Almiron again and McCarthy once more pushes around the past. Reminiscent of Antii Niemi at his finest.

Nothing much happens until the half hour mark when Djenepo nips around a player and over runs it and clatters into Hayden, picking up a yellow card from referee Graham Scott. No one seems that bothered and Newcastle are getting ready to take the freekick when the dreaded “VAR checking for foul play possible red card” appears on the screen. I’ve already got a sinking feeling as Graham Scott goes over to the touchline monitor which is a first in a game at St Mary’s. We all know what is coming, just get on with it you wanker.... and Moussa is sent off. They make the mistake of showing it once on the big screen as he walks off in tears and on one viewing at the other end of the ground, it really doesn’t look completely clear and obvious but typically, off he goes and we face an hour with 10 men. The last time that happened was of course when we lost 9-0 but fortunately for us, Newcastle are no Leicester City.

With boos bringing round the stadium, Saints look to reshuffle with Danny Ings dropping to the left wing and Shelvey curls a brilliant cross in behind the defence and Dwight Gayle meets it with a free header about 8 yards out and once more McCarthy spreads himself to keep it at 0-0. Saints are of course going into every challenge a little bit more forcefully and Graham Scott is being a fucking wanker and giving absolutely everything Newcastle’s way. There is another chance as Saint Maximin bursts past Boufal and Valery on the right hand side and pulls it back and Dwight Gayle puts it wide at the near post. Perhaps the goals are bigger in the Championship.

Scott is at it again in a moment later, giving a free kick nowhere near the ball for the sort of tangle that happens off the ball and virtually every minute of every Premier league game. Matt Skate Bastard Ritchie take the freekick and Lascelles volleys it into the net but he looks a long way offside and the fat old linesman and then a very quick VAR check confirms this. The only surprise is that Graham Scott didn’t overrule everything and give a goal.

Newcastle get a corner on the right hand side and it is eventually cleared when Saint Maximin fails to control and Boufal runs up the field with it. He then goes past Fernandez who holds him back and gets a yellow card for his trouble to much ironic cheering from the crowd. Oh hang on, the fucking VAR screen has come up again and is checking for a penalty which must be against us and must be something to do with the Boufal and Saint Maximin challenge. All I’ve seen is that challenge is the Newcastle player having hold of Boufal’s arm but apparently they are checking for handball and what do you fucking know... Penalty to Newcastle.    I feel I need to apologise for any bad language you may have heard in the Family Stand.  Anyway, Up steps the skate bastard and FUCK OFF YOU SKATE BASTARD…. Says a voice from behind me, and he smashes it left footed but McCarthy turns into a superhero and flies to his left to keep it out low down. Fucking brilliant save and again the only surprise is that Graham Scott and the VAR twats don’t combine to make him take it again.

Somehow we have got to half-time still level and deservedly so given all that’s going on. There is a sense of disbelief in the ground. Without seeing either incident again and only having seen it once on the big screen, I feel that Djenepo’s red card is harsh and that the penalty decision against Boufal should’ve been a freekick the other way because that was the first offence. Fucks sake.

We have our first chance of the second half when along McCarthy clearance is well brought down by Shane Long and for once there’s a goal threat as he turns and smashes it goalwards but unfortunately it is straight at Dubravka.

The game develops into a familiar pattern of Newcastle having lots and lots of possession but doing absolutely fuck all with it because they are clueless going forward and Saints trying to break when we win the ball but we’re not getting players forward quickly enough and we’re not managing to hold the ball up well enough up front. Shane Long is absolutely flogging himself to death so you can’t fault him but he does waste one opportunity when rolling it sideways to Ings would have served us better than slamming it at a spectator in row Z.

Long has to go off with 15 to go and so it’s another chance for Che Adams but no sooner does he set foot on the pitch then disaster strikes as a hopeful ball is chipped forward and Valery has it under control but he inexplicably fucks around with it and neither clears it nor nods it back to McCarthy and Saint Maximin nicks the ball off him runs through and scores comfortably. Fucks sake.

Ralph throws on Obafemi to try and give us something more up front but we’ve got nothing and a deflating inevitability comes over to the proceedings with 10 minutes to go. In fact, it’s hard to remember either Adams or Obafemi touching the ball.

Fucking hell what a dismal defeat. We have managed to lose, home and away to the side which has absolutely nothing. Absolute fucking rubbish are Newcastle and they’ve beaten us twice. Today of course we had to play an hour with 10 men after what I thought at the time was a very harsh decision to send off Moussa Djenepo.  However, on proper viewing he really had to go - it makes you wonder how Graham Scott missed it.  Whether you think it was a red card or not (and most people seem to think that it was), isn’t it typical that after weeks of VAR doing fuck all except back up the referees decision or non-decision, today, the referee gives a decision and gives out a yellow card and then VAR fucking upgrades it via the pitch-side monitor, which have also hardly ever been used this season. We had a reputation for being a lucky with VAR at the start of the season but we are getting completely shafted at the moment. Then we managed to get a handball given against us in our own penalty area. It’s the same penalty area where Alderweireld had his arm at right angles when the ball hit it and we’ve had the Mee and Tanganga incidents as well but typically, they’ve decided to give defensive handballs now when we do one.  There were 3 incidents in the Boufal one –

1) Saint Maximin grabs Boufal’s right arm,

2) Boufal handles it with his left arm,

3) Fernandez pulls Boufal back. 

Graham Scott only saw the 3^rd one and whatever twat was on VAR only saw the 2^nd one.  Number 1 clearly happens so therefore, how can it be clear and obviously a penalty.  My guess is that the VAR twat didn’t even look at that and was just looking at whether Boufal handballed it or not.  Anyway – no matter because the Skate Bastard missed.

Newcastle were so shit that the only were they were ever going to score was if someone fucked up as sure as eggs are eggs, someone did and Yan Valery was the man with a horrifically casual bit of defending that allowed Saint Maximin to run through and poke it beyond the otherwise brilliant Alex McCarthy.  What a performance from the goalkeeper we had today. The triple save at the start of the game, the save from the free header and then the penalty save from the mouthy little skate twat. He didn’t deserve to be on the losing side today.

The red card of course meant Danny Ings playing out of position on the left wing for virtually the whole game which left Shane to do all the hassling and harrying upfront which he did unquestioningly until he had to be dragged off on about 75 minutes. The trouble with the leaving Shane upfront instead of Danny was that of course we had no goal threat and on the couple of occasions that we did threaten we were wasteful, with poor crosses usually being the reason why. As Newcastle are so bad, we really should’ve had more ambition than to just play for 0-0 and not commit anyone forward.

Everyone put in a shift and worked really hard including the man who eventually made the mistake. I was impressed with the defensive discipline that Boufal showed despite it not really being his game and Danny Ings worked his nuts off going up and down the left flank. Defensively we are comfortable enough with Newcastle offering very sporadic threat. We really should’ve come out of this with a point.

Ralph picked a good starting line-up today but it was course undone by the red card. Could he have made the substitutions earlier? Well it was 0-0 when he made them and to be honest we didn’t have anyone on the bench really who was going to make much of a difference.  A goalkeeper, two centre backs, one full-back, a defensive midfielder and two strikers. When the substitutions did come, Neither Adams or Obafemi really had a touch of the ball.

What annoys me so much about Che Adams is that Shane Long had flogged himself for 75 minutes and was absolutely knackered and he has been taken off because we need fresh legs from the bench as Shane couldn’t run any more. It is therefore reasonable to assume the putting a fresh player on would mean that the pressing in the front half of the pitch would pick up again because you’ve got a fresh player and not a knackered one but a fresh Che Adams playing against tired defenders, does less than a dead Shane Long who has played since the start.  .I’m not expecting strikers to come on and score or create a goal even, as that’s difficult when you’ve only got 10 minutes but the minimum requirement is to put in some effort and I don’t see Adams doing that. People are saying that he needs a run in the team - well he’s not going to get a fucking run in the team unless he works harder. He is our fourth choice striker for a reason and there’s a reason he only gets 10 minutes here and there.

Onwards - the next two games are suddenly very important as we have Norwich and Watford before we start getting some of the big boys come around again in the shape of Manchester City, Everton and Manchester United. The need to win a game out of the next two has suddenly come into sharp focus.

Premier League Match 28 - West Ham 3 Southampton 1

Fucks Sake

To the Dildo Bowl at the expense of the Great British taxpayer. Yes it’s time for another trip to East London and the London Stadium, built on the ashes of Bobby Moore, Trevor Brooking, Billy Bonds and West Ham United as was.  A club completely sacrificed at the altar of corporate greed. It was a good con though, carried out by Gold, Sullivan and Brady - convince the fan base for the club will be going up a level, to Champions League level and then, once the virtually free ground was secured, sell off the Boleyn Ground and carry on as normal with no discernible plan. They had a manager at the start of the season who had operated at that higher level in Manuel Pellegrini but because, I assume,  he wasn’t challenging at the top end of the league they got rid of him and replaced him with David fucking Moyes and shock of shocks, they are now in the relegation zone. With the squad that they’ve got it is hard to imagine them actually getting relegated but stranger things have happened. There is just something distinctly unpleasant about West Ham and it’s nothing to do with how the owners made their money. The whole move to the London Stadium sums up a lot of what is wrong with modern football. The stadium is fucking crap for watching football but it looks good from the outside and that says it all really, it’s all about style over substance.

Whilst we’re on the subject of modern football, I see the Premier League have spent this week addressing the key issues in the game, namely VAR and incompetent referees. Oh no they haven’t, they have announced the much more important fact that  they are introducing a Hall of Fame for past Premier League players and managers. More Americanised bollocks that no one needs. It will generate a lot of discussion and a lot of comment pieces in the press and heated debates on Twitter between a load of people who probably know fuck all about anything. I am firmly of the opinion that any individual award in what is a team sport is completely shallow and pretty meaningless. And you just know that the whole Hall of Fame thing will be about 1992 onwards as the airbrushing from history of everything before that gathers pace.  I nominate Roy Keane so he can say it's all a load of shite.

West Ham always seem to roll us over recently, mainly using the physicality of players like Rice, Antonio, Ogbonna and Diop. They’ve outrun us and outfought us and generally been more athletic around the park than we have been and our last two performances at the Dildo Bowl have been excruciatingly bad. Players like Mario Lemina and Wesley Hoedt have shown their true colours here and been absolutely dreadful. Bearing in mind that we have an effective way of playing away games now, this should be a decent chance for us to give them a better game than we have done recently and maybe even come away with three points. Let’s face it, the toxicity of the situation is never far beneath the surface here,  so a good start with an early goal could really put the cat about the pigeons here.  However, we have to deal with the long ball bombardment that will no doubt come our way.  Today’s referee has been announced and it’s Mark Noble, same as the last seven fixtures against West Ham.

West Ham are coming into this game after a creditable performance at Anfield when they lost 3-2, courtesy of a horrific mistake by the usually reliable Lukas Fabianski.  Hopefully their eventual defeat took some of the wind out of their sales but this is one game where for once, the result is a far more important to the opposition than it is to us. I can’t imagine that when West Ham had the Champions League aspirations at the start of the season, they ever considered that at any point of the season they’d be 10 points behind Southampton.

Look at that Squad that Lawrie Built

A bit of news from Saints was that Lawrie McMenemy has been made a Club Ambassador.  I have to admit that I thought he already was but either way, it's richly deserved.  He was the manager when I first became interested in football and he gave us the greatest day in our history, followed by promotion to Division 1 and regularly being right up near the top of the table, finishing 2nd one year.  He's a great man as far as I'm concerned and so any honour given to him is richly deserved.  So from one story from when football was great, we now move to the present day and the news that Pierre Hojbjerg has announced he has a new agent in 'super' agent Pini Zahavi.  Zahavi is one of those agents you've heard of, which means he's not to be trusted along with the Mino Raiola's and Kia Joorabchian's of this world.  To me this only means one thing and that's that we'll be looking to replace the skipper in the summer.  This fills me with dread, not because he's irreplaceable but because we have yet to prove that we're not still monumentally shit at replacing first team players, given Gao's financial straitjacket and the ZX Spectrum engine in the black box.

It looks like KWP will be fit for us today which should allow JWP to be deployed in his correct position. Moussa Djenepo though may miss the game because of the very sad passing of his mother but if he does miss the game, Boufal was on the bench last week so will hopefully be fit enough to play.  Then the reality…. Ralph has got me some scratching my head with the line-up. I’m not altogether surprised the JWP is at right back with KWP coming back from injury and Valery clearly not trusted but I am amazed that Smallbone is in the centre of midfield instead of Romeu. Another issue is that Ings is only on the bench and his place goes to Michael Obafemi as it turns out that Danny has only trained once this week as he’s had a small niggle. West Ham have lined up with both Antonio and Haller in the side so you know it’s going to be two up front and long ball from the off.

As the players come out I noticed they have they crushingly embarrassing “The Academy of Football“ slogan emblazoned on the fucking massive carpet they have around the pitch on the 400 metre track and the water jump for the steeplechase. I’m glad that we don’t have “The Southampton Way“ written anywhere at St Mary‘s… well I hope we fucking don’t anyway. How can you call yourself The Academy of Football when your Manager is David Moyes and your game plan is going to be to bang it up the pitch to the big guys.

We start the game reasonably well with a little bit of possession and Armstrong goes up for a header and gets a forearm smash/elbow in the back of the head from Aaron Cresswell. Fucks sake, that’s got to be a yellow card at least but we just seem to stroll around accepting it and the referee does nothing about it and all we get is a free-kick.

Nothing much happens for 10 minutes or so but then West Ham attack and it’s a long diagonal ball from right to left which JWP deals with and knocks it to McCarthy who gives it back to him. I don’t know if JWP is trying to clear the ball or drop it into the feet of a midfielder but either way, it’s shit and he just gives it to Declan Rice. On it goes to Fornals and he plays a simple pass into the penalty area where Bowen has come in untracked from the right wing and he slots it past McCarthy with ease as Bednarek stands there with his mouth open, seemingly surprised that anyone has made a run. Fucks sake. What an utterly preventable goal and 1-0 down.

It’s not looking good as you can already see that we have no way of dealing with Antonio as he burst past a lightweight Smallbone challenge and then outpaces JWP down the left wing before crossing and Haller shows why he’s been somewhat disappointing for the £40 million that West Ham paid for him and heads it straight at McCarthy.

Its looking like a long afternoon and then Bertrand chips a ball down the left wing to Long who surprisingly controls it and feeds inside to Hojbjerg and we have a promising looking break as Armstrong carries forward and finds JWP on the right. His cutback finds Obafemi on the penalty spot and he, maybe by accident or maybe by design, lofts it over Fabianski and into the roof of the net.. Either way, it’s a brilliant team goal and stick that in your Academy of football. 1-1.

West Ham really should go back in front pretty soon afterwards as they win a corner in Cresswell’s delivery from the right is met by Diop with a free header from about 5 yards but it’s skimmed off his head and goes wide. It was going wide anyway but the ref didn’t spot it hit JWP on the way out so we got lucky in not having to face another corner with all of West Ham is 6 foot 4 giants piling in on the goal.

Long ball, headed away by Stephens and then another long ball which is not dealt with by Bednarek and it drops down to Antonio on the left hand side of the penalty area and he hooks and across, high and handsome. It looks harmless enough but McCarthy, for reasons only known to himself, doesn’t get off the fucking ground and actually gets out jumped by Haller who then manages to force into the net from an narrow angle. Fuck me, another absolutely shit goal.

Haller Scores, McCarthy Out of Shot

Half time And I’m not confident of getting back into this. We just don’t look ready for the battle today.

We start the second half really well and pin West Ham back with Bertrand getting down the left and whipping in a superb crossing between the goalkeeper in the defenders but Shane Long shows all the strikers instincts he hasn’t got to not get on the end of it. The ball gets returned into the penalty area by Hojbjerg and Obafemi misses the ball when unmarked. Bertrand tried again after picked it up and it flies across the face of the goal again without any of our strikers being anywhere near it and the fourth cross of the move is easily caught by Fabianski. I’m just feeling that in a relatively open game like this one, there is no way that we are going to outscore the opposition.

Like Burnley did a few weeks ago, West Ham are literally just creaming the ball up the middle towards their strikers and whether we head it all they head it, they are picking up all the balls in midfield in that large Romeu shaped hole in between our midfield and defence. Fornals is the latest recipient of the benefits of this manoeuvre and wastes an opening from the left hand side by drilling it straight at the goalkeeper.

Just before the hour mark, we make our first change with Danny Ings coming on for Boufal who to be fair, has been pretty hopeless. Whilst we’re wondering who’s gonna go out the left wing, it’s another long ball creamed down the middle towards Haller and the ball drops to Fornals who chips over the flat-footed Bednarek and Antonio is clean through and from the penalty spot makes no mistakes whatsoever. That is absolute fucking gash from us. Hopeless.

We respond with some pretty football that doesn’t go anywhere and when that breaks down one pass along the ground to Haller in the centre circle and he pulls out a ridiculous rabona flick to put Antonio clean through and this time, McCarthy stands up well to deflect it wide and stop us going 4-1 down.

Shane Long bursts away down the right hand side and Cresswell pulls out some sort of hybrid rugby/MMA tackle to get the booking to add to the yellow/red that he should’ve got after 30 seconds. In comes the free kick from JWP and it breaks to Bertrand whose shot is on target, only our second one but Fabianski saves it easily.

Ralph makes a change with Vestergaard coming on in place of Obafemi and we go to 3 at the back and surprise surprise, we start winning headers at the back. Romeu eventually comes on for Smallbone with about 10 minutes to go and we now have a team on the pitch to deal with the opposition that we are playing. A bit too fucking late really.  Full time and what a load of shit.

Well that was fucking predictable crap. West Ham basically played the same tactics as they played at St Mary’s and we responded by playing exactly the same way as we did at St Mary’s by making it so incredibly fucking easy for them to do what they wanted.

So, bearing in mind that West Ham employed exactly the same tactics as they had at St Mary‘s, it was always going to be a physical battle and there is no getting away from this, Ralph fucked up. Smallbone was always going to get found wanting defensively against this West Ham midfield and so it proved. He was once again, neat and tidy on the ball and one of our best players in possession but out of possession he may as well not have been there.  He was better than Hojbjerg though, who made his new agents job very difficult today.  If JWP was forced to play right back then if ever there was a day for Romeu to play then it was today. But whilst Ralph can be blamed for not putting JWP or Romeu in midfield, he can’t be blamed for the central defenders who were absolutely dreadful.  Surely KWP and Valery could have managed the game between them.  Start one and bring the other one on?

Ralph’s in play substitutions weren’t too bad in my opinion. Boufal had to come off because he was pretty useless and the switch to 3 central defenders possibly provided the blueprint of how we should play against teams like West Ham and Burnley. As soon as Vestergaard came on, we started winning some aerial challenges which Stephens and Bednarek did not do all game up until that point. It also gave us a spare man if we didn’t win the initial challenge. I do think that Ralph left it too late though. There should’ve been a change made at half-time because West Ham were finding it so easy to break through us and we were continually playing right into their hands.

All three goals that we conceded are appalling and even Ralph described it as an absolute joke. The first goal stems with us having the ball in the right back spot and JWP not getting any distance on a clearance. Bednarek is then caught ball watching as Bowen nips in front of him to score. For the second goal, someone has clearly dug two big holes in the penalty area and put the dirt back in on top of Alex McCarthy‘s feet because he just didn’t get off the ground and it’s an embarrassing goal for a goalkeeper to concede, especially one who is 6 foot 4. The third goal is an under 12’s goal. Long ball, we don’t win the header, chipped ball over the last defender, more ball watching from Bednarek, goal. Easy and pathetic in equal measure.

Tactically today, Ralph was done by David fucking Moyes – who admitted that he got today’s tactics from what the players said about the St.Mary’s game. Defend deep, hit it long and compete with the Southampton central defenders, pick up the 2nd balls. Must’ve taken him all week to dream that up. Not exactly rocket science but we had no answer - again.  In Ralph’s defence, he said he knew how West Ham were going to play and we prepared or wait for it but the players didn’t execute whatever was practiced.

Up front we were pretty clueless with Shane Long having one of those games where you despair at the fact that he is in our first choice starting at 11. We had loads of possession and only mustered two shots on target which kind of tells you all you need to know. Yet again, we have one way of playing and if a team doesn’t give us space then we are really going to struggle.

We were lightweight today and once it went 3-1 we never remotely look like getting back into it even though there was half an hour to go. A disappointing performance all round from the team selection to the final whistle. We just didn’t look up for it as much as West Ham did.

The warning signs were there for me from the first minute when Cresswell deliberately threw his elbow into the back of Armstrong‘s head. Why the fuck are we not all round the referee trying to get the West Ham player sent off. I’ve seen a player sent off for that challenge before so why not stop being so fucking nice about everything and make the referee make a decision. Maybe he goes and checks the challenge on the pitch side monitor, or maybe he actually asks the VAR fuckwit room if there is any serious foul play.  Likewise on the second goal, where you can at least look annoyed and try and plant a seed of doubt in the referees mind that McCarthy might of been fouled. I mean, he wasn’t but you could at least make the referee think that there might have been an issue and you never know, the way things are this season, that might actually get disallowed. Instead of that though we just do fuck all and go back to the centre circle to kick off again.

It was a real nothing performance from us today and we deserve to lose. It seems that we went there expecting to lose and we created a scenario where the only result was that we were going to lose. Quite frankly, it was bollocks. I have no complaints about the referee or VAR or the way West Ham played. They played exactly how we suspected they were going to play.   The are seriously in a relegation battle and sod pretty football, they need the points.  I have complaints about Southampton though because we were fucking awful. Ralph is in danger of overthinking things again as there was no question that the ghost of George Burley had appeared again today with two right backs on the bench and our best midfielder playing at right back. Pick a right back to play at right back, even if they can only play half a game each and go from there.

Next time we have another limited, physical team in Newcastle visiting St Mary’s. If you think that they’re going to be open and leave us with lots of space then you are mad. A bit like Sebastian Haller, they haven’t scored a goal for months so they will certainly be looking forward to playing us.