Premier League Match 26 - Southampton 1 Cardiff 2

Ralph Shuts His Eyes and Hopes It Was Just a Bad Dream

Because we have had such a shit season, we are looking at the relegation zone and trying to find three teams that are definitely worse than us. I think we can safely assume that Fulham and Huddersfield are going down to the Championship and the 3rd team most people would pick to be relegated with them would be Cardiff City. However, they have shown, particularly at home, a capability to win tight games and they have a spirit that the other two teams do not. So, they are definitely the most likely to escape out of the current bottom three and as we stand, are only two points behind us so we really need to win this game today.

Cardiff have of course been touched by tragedy this last few weeks with the disappearance of Emiliano Sala in a light aircraft crash, who was on Thursday confirmed as the body pulled out of the plane that was located in the English Channel. This is a horrific story. Sala was of course a striker they signed from Nantes but tragically, he will never get to play for Cardiff.  As tends to happen, the tragedy seems to have galvanised the club concerned and it was no surprise to anybody that they beat Bournemouth at home last week. The emotion around the death of the striker is just one additional thing that we must play against today. Because of what happened, most neutrals will be wanting Cardiff to stay up, even though they have Neil Warnock as their manager. Rest in Peace Emiliano Sala. I wish you could’ve been making your debut today.

All that was newsworthy at Staplewood this week was that Maya Yoshida  returned from the Asian Cup in which his Japanese team got to the final before losing to Qatar. The recruitment policy that was put in place as soon as Qatar bribed their way to the the right to hold the World Cup in 2022 is obviously bearing fruit. With Maya returning. It will be interesting to see if he claims back his starting spot from Jack Stephens. Ralph has already pointed out that the last time we kept a clean sheet was the last time that Maya played.

If we lose this game we are probably going to be back in the bottom three whereas a win will see as five points clear of any trouble. We could really do with the latter Ralph please, if that’s okay with you.

The team announcement is interesting because Ryan Bertrand is back in place of Matt Targett. Maya Yoshida has had to settle for a place on the bench and the striker role was filled by Shane Long. Now of course, I hope it works but Cardiff are going to play deep so there’s absolutely going to be no space for Shane to chase lost causes into so I’m not convinced that this is going to work.

Before the game I watch the shooting drill because it’s right in front of me and if you don’t watch it, you can fetch a ball in the face.  I find it interesting because you can tell the players who take it seriously and they’re the ones you would expect and the one’s you would have down as good pros.  JWP usually scores, Valery and Gallagher also, Redmond also etc.  Charlie Austin – corner flag, Austin again – row Z.  I hope he doesn’t get on today.

From the kick-off it appears that we’ve got Jack Stephens playing in midfield when we have the ball which is a new twist and he gets involved to start the first decent chance of the game as Valery makes good ground on the right hand side and the ball eventually ends up with Stephens who slides in Bertrand whose low cross is cleared for a corner.  For some reason we’ve got Berty taking them from the left today so it’s an outswinger which is cleared.  We are looking like we may have some joy as Redmond fastens on to a good ball over the top and from the left hand side he cuts past the defender before shanking it past the near post.

After these bright spots though, the first half degenerates and we make no impression against the massed Cardiff defence.  The left back Bennett looks shite but when either Valery or Redmond gets past him, the cross is cleared with ease.  Cardiff are offering nothing with just long throws from Gunnarson which cause the usual havoc.  The ball lands in the same place every time so why not put the giant Vestergaard there instead of expecting Valery to compete in the air for it?  Half time and 0-0 and patience is a virtue and all that.

We have a tendency to start second halves well how as a result of having a half decent manager and there is more intent as Hojbjerg tries a shot from distance which is comfortably saved by Etheridge.  The next chance is similar as Valery pisses past Bennett again and smashes it at goal but again has drilled it straight at the keeper.

Cardiff then have an attack which doesn’t involve a long throw and win a corner.  Over it comes from Ralls, Paterson wins a header and fuck off for fuck sake. 1-0 down with Bamba, unmarked, knocking it in from two yards.  A few minutes later, the hapless Long is off and Austin is on.  Great.  Let’s see if he brings his warm up shooting drill form to the party.

It doesn’t take long to find out as Valery picks up the ball in our half and set s off on a run and just keeps going.  The midfielders aren't getting back to him and the defence is backing off.  On he goes and hits it – Etheridge half blocks with his legs and it falls to the master finisher, 5 yards out with the keeper nowhere – a scuff, cleared, an airshot and then the similarly useless Elyounoussi (on for Vestergaard) hits it and it gets blocked wide for a corner.  Over it comes and to compound it, a free header for Austin, over the bar.  Fuck sake!!!

Five to go and Gallagher comes on for the excellent Valery with JWP going to right back.  JWP has the next effort as Austin drops his kebab, falls over it and we get a free kick.  Up steps JWP and tries to bounce it past Etheridge low down but the big keeper is equal to it.

90 minutes are up and we are sliding to a pathetic defeat and Romeu puts Redmond away on the left and he trashes past two players and wins a corner.  Over it comes from JWP, a flick on off of Austin’s pint of Stella and there is Stephens at the back post to apply the finishing touches with an almost identical goal to Cardiff’s opener.  With 5 minutes going up on the board we still feel that we can win this.

From our next foray into their half, a big punted clearance and it falls to Stephens on our right.  Under a bit of pressure he decides to try and play it forwards but just presents it to Cardiff.  Forward they come working it out to our left and panic stations set in.  We’re all over the shop with players frantically trying to get back.  A cross comes in and Bednarek half heads it away, in again, a scramble and Zohore scuffs at it with his studs and it rolls along the ground and into the corner of the net.  Two attacks, two goals.  Fuck – just fuck!  Full time.

I don’t know what to say. I really really do not know what to say. I’m fucking speechless. Having rescued a point against completely dismal opposition, we then manage to throw them another goal. It’s absolutely spectacularly unbelievable. Not only that, it’s the same player who does it. Jack Stephens – hero to zero, scored a goal to bring us back into it and then he made a colossal fuck-up which gave the ball to Cardiff from which they ultimately scored. Absolutely fucking ridiculous. So we score to make it 1-1 and the attitude was obviously about going to win the game which explains why Stephens didn’t just clear that ball and instead attempted some sort of ridiculous pass which ended up going straight to Cardiff player. Unfortunately it's a pattern with Jack.  It's like Maya a few seasons ago in that every game there's at least one colossal fuck up which invariably ends up in our net.  Cardiff barely got in our half other than a few long throws in the first half and two goals they got in the second.

In my opinion, Ralph had a shocker today. Cardiff were always going to play like that and they were always going to defend deep so why the fucking hell we play Shane Long upfront is completely beyond me. Let’s face it, the guy is fucking useless anyway but when there is no space so he can’t chase balls behind the defence then he’s even more fucking useless because that’s the only thing he can actually do. He actually didn’t start the day too badly – he turned up at the ground on time, got his kit and boots on alright, did the minutes silence and the team huddle in a reasonable way and was fine until the football got involved.   Particularly from when the second-half starting to when he got substituted, he was playing like a man who just wanted to be put out of his misery. When things are going badly for him, he starts diving around and the referee doesn’t buy it because it’s pathetic and then he starts giving the ball away 3, 4, 5 times in a row and it’s unbelievable that a Premier League footballer can be that bad …. oh hold my beer,  here comes Charlie Austin. The fat and unfit couldn’t give a fuck player who was lashing balls into the crowd during the shooting drill in the warm-up… an absolute embarrassment to the shirt. The master finisher as I’m sure he likes to call himself, after Valery had run 60 yards with the ball and given him an open goal, which he totally made a bollocks of.

So, I fail to see why Long was picked today as a massed deep defence necessitates a physical presence up front so you have the option of getting crosses in from the wings or for playing the ball in high. Playing tippy-tappy shit when you got a striker with the first touch of a trampoline is never going to fucking work. And the substitutions were fucking abysmal. The other game changer who came on with Austin was of course Elyounoussi who yet again provided no evidence that he has got any single ability which might make him anything approaching a premier league footballer. He did fuck all again. The positives today were provided by Valery who was excellent and Bednarek and Vestergaard who were decent.  The severe underperformers were Ryan Bertrand who looked the second most unfit player behind Charlie Austin and Pierre Hojbjerg who was dreadful and spent the whole game passing the ball to the opposition or to empty space, proving that concussion protocols had not been adhered to.

Did Cardiff deserve to win? No they didn’t but they made less catastrophic mistakes than we did at the back and didn’t miss any open goals. We are undoubtedly better than we were but we are still carrying this incredibly soft underbelly. The last game we kept a clean sheet in was when Maya Yoshida was last available so get him back in the fucking team as soon as possible. As far as I’m concerned, up front we have to play either Sam Gallagher or Michael Obafemi when he is fit in the absence of Ings. Out of the three forwards available today, Gallagher is the only one it might improve with coaching or a run of games in the team. Long and Austin are what they are and they’re not going to improve from the level that they are currently at which is not good enough.

We have two weeks and a day until our next fixture which is away at Arsenal. In that time, we need to get Danny Ings fit and hopefully in a state where he can play the majority of the game. Following that we have Fulham at home followed by Manchester United away and Tottenham at home. The fixtures suddenly got a lot more difficult so a run of games where you only got two points out of Crystal Palace, Burnley and Cardiff gets put into context.

This is Southampton. No one ever said it was going to be easy.

PS…  Southampton fans have attracted a lot of negative headlines over two complete pricks thinking it was cool to pretend to be aeroplanes in the Emiliano Sala minute.  They will be identified and banned and good riddance.  In the Family Stand where I sit, I had about six, 5 to 6 year olds sat next to me and they were immaculate during the silence.  I guess the moral of the story is that people no matter how young know how you’re supposed to behave.  Still, I hope that the two arseholes who were acting up felt really cool when they got called out for it.