Premier League Match 24 - Southampton 1 Crystal Palace 1

Who Wins?  The Referee or the Petulant Twat?

With us abdicating from the FA Cup at the third round stage, we have had a whole 10 days without a game and in that time the club have continued with the squad trimming which was always necessary. 

Out the door on loan to Celta Vigo has gone Wesley Hoedt, on loan for the rest of the season with an option to buy which means we get him back in the summer. Of course, I am sure we would like to have got rid of him permanently but this is the next best thing. Wesley‘s performances this year under Mark Hughes were, to put it politely, inconsistent. I was kind of prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt a lot of the time but the ridiculous goal he gave away at Fulham by trying to show how strong he was in his own corner and then giving the ball away which lead directly to the goal, made me think that this is a guy who is nowhere near as good as he thinks he is and has so much arrogance about him that he is never going to change. I am really not bothered in the slightest about him leaving – he’s not as bad as a lot of people made out but he’s not as good as we need him to be.  When he left he said he had no idea why he had been frozen out as he had done so well in the first half of the season and played 50 consecutive games or something like that. That statement alone is proof that he was a guy who is never going to learn from his mistakes because he can’t admit that he’s made any. On the other hand, of course he is not going to rock up at his new club and say, the new manager didn’t fancy me because I’ve been fucking shit all season and I have an attitude problem. Ironically, on his Celta Vigo debut he managed to get two yellow cards and get sent off so as far as we are concerned, his half season trial has not got off to the best of starts.

Also out the door is the Wet Lettuce.

He’s our Cedric,

Off down the wing he’s electric,

His crosses are fucking pathetic,

Every fuck-ing time

There has been many an occasions over the last two seasons where I’ve been watching Cedric play and thinking that he is going to be the answer to a quiz question in a few years time. Who is the worst fucking player to ever win a major international football tournament? He has had some good games but they’re been many more times when we may have well had a bit of a wet lettuce playing right back and I will miss that goal we always let in with the cross from our left, Stephens missing the ball in the air and then Cedric’s man scoring with a header at the back post whilst our man lettuces around behind him.

Somehow, he has blagged to move to Inter Milan, based I’m sure on him winning Euro 2016 with Portugal. Good luck to the guy but he clearly has not wanted to be a Southampton player since the Portuguese triumph and once more, I’m not bothered in the slightest about him going. His social media stuff has always been hilarious with multiple pictures of the immaculately groomed, tight shirted, Boyband reject. Recently, he has grown a very dodgy moustache and for that reason alone… see you later. I think there are many better right backs who would want to play for Southampton and Ralph Hasenhuttl has obviously seen enough of Yan Valery to decide that he is one of them

21 - The Number of Crosses Before One Lands on the Pitch

To today and Crystal Palace at home – still being managed by Roy Hodgson who endured a very dodgy start which included of all things, losing to a team managed by Mark Hughes.  Palace have a decent collection of players though and have pushed up the league and are now level on points with our good selves.  We have our high wage earners doing nothing and their equivalent in Christian Benteke whoc has not even been in the side recently.  Zaha and Townsend on the wings will be a threat, particularly if the rug that Townsend wears on his head has now raised his height to about 7 foot.  I’ve always liked their central midfield pair of MacArthur and Milovojevic as well and their fans are always worth a mention being loud every time in the away end.  A proper club, no glory hunters, all supporters born and bred Palace.

The line-up Ralph picks is predictable with JWP again preferred to Armstrong.  In fact the only change to the 18 that beat Everton is that Elyounoussi wins a place on the bench in place of the wet lettuce in the tight shirt that was there last time.

The start of the game is odd as we manage to look leggy straight away with Palace sharper into the tackle and with better movement.  We get a break from their first corner as Ings gets his head on it and skews it across his own goal with Vestergaard clearly asking ‘what the fuck was that?’ as it went just wide.  The big issue today is going to be Valery against Zaha and it starts promisingly enough for our youngster as he looks like he’s being outpaced only to steam intot he tackle well and clear the danger.

Mamadou Sakho is of course built like a heavyweight boxer and Danny Ings is not but the big man bottles a challenge out on the right wing and Ings heads directly at goal, teeing up Hojbjerg and his first time effort is comfortably pushed aside by Guaita, preferred today to part-time Hitler impersonator Wayne Hennessey.

Other than that though it’s nearly all Palace with a lack of movement from Saints and the build up being very slow.  Palace are dropping very deep and doing it very quickly and we’re almost being out-Ralphed as they win the ball off our defence.  One such turnover comes when under no pressure though as Targett makes an absolute shite of a routine clearance and it gets worked back to Townsend on the right.  He plays a 1-2 as he works across the top of the box and Romeu trashes him.  The ref is going to give a free kick but no need as it breaks to Zaha who takes a touch and drills it inside McCarthy’s near post.  Shite.  You can’t say it’s not deserved though.

Just one more incident before half time as Stephens takes a poor touch and gives himself a 50-50 with Townsend and he launches himself at it and Marriner doesn’t even give a free kick.  It’s an odd one – if it’s a free kick then a red card isn’t out of the question and we got a bit lucky there.  Half time and 1-0 down and not a lot to get optimistic about.

Mr.Negative-Arsehole behind me has been on fire.  From the first minute to the forty fifth it has been a constant moan.  I am going to politely tell him to shut the fuck up but he’s there with his kid so I’ll save it for another day.  There has been a few empty seats along the row in the first half so we’re having those.

An encouraging start to the second half as Romeu wins a few battles and puts Ings away on the left and he cuts in before smashing one near post for a comfortable save.  Palace have the ball in the net a few minutes later.  They win a corner as Valery again smashes Zaha.  It’s a clear foul or a goal kick if it’s not a foul but Marriner gives a corner.  A foul on McCarthy as it comes in means Sakho’s bundled finish doesn’t matter.

It’s all Palace again and we are not clearing it and giving the ball away on the edge of our penalty area. Sakho is still up after we fail to clear a corner about 5 times and gets a shot in but Bednarek seems to have this happy knack of knowing when to be back on the line and he clears it once more.

The first change sees Armstong on for Valery with JWP moving to right wing back and with no visible improvement as JWP not getting the ball at all, we go 4-2-2-2 as Elyounoussi comes on for Vestergaard and goes onto the right wing.  Incoming Elyounoussi masterclass no doubt.

The ball is still not finding its way out to JWP and Stephens goes left again to Targett and then, completely out of character for the rest of the game, football breaks out.  Targett to Redmond to Armstrong and back to Targett in behind Wan-Bissaka and his pull back is rammed into the net by JWP to make it 1-1.  Didn’t see that coming I have to say.

For some reason, I feel that we’re going to unjustly nick it now and Armstrong tries a curler which beings a decent save out of Guaita.  With us attacking more, we are playing into Palace’s strengths on the break and Stephens ends up giving a corner away after initially trying to wipe Townsend out on the half way line.  More corner based carnage as McCarthy goes all flappy bollocks and he’s at it again from the next corner as he gets nowhere near it but luckily Sakho has a 50p head and it goes over again.  Ralph responds to the latest pressure by being brave again and Hojbjerg is off to be replaced with Slattery.

Away go Palace on the break again down our right and Zaha knocks it past JWP who shoves him out of play.  It’s a clear foul but nothing given.  Zaha just flips.  The the shithousing starts - Firstly JWP fakes to throw the ball at him and then pats his neck and Zaha slaps him away.  Other players get involved to separate them and JWP is just grinning at him.  Yellow card for Zaha for the slap and then the pulls the sarcastic applause routine which never ends well and out comes a second card whilst JWP celebrates.  Zaha continues to clap the ref as he walks off and then has another go over by the dug out.  You have been played like a fiddle you twat.

We only have a few minutes to try and take advantage.  Slattery is getting on the ball and spreading the play about and he hoists in a cross and it’s Guaita’s turn to go full Flappy and Armstrong’s shot is blocked by a defender.  Full time.

We have got to be delighted with getting a point out of that because the 75 minutes of the game, we were pretty dreadful. Palace set up to defend very deep and hit on the break through Zaha and Townsend. Hodgson was obviously very wary of Redmond and Ings and so he negated that by getting 11 men behind the ball and playing very deep so as to leave no space behind at all. Our other main attacking ploy is of course to win the ball off of the oppositions defence and Palace didn’t give us much chance to do that either by quickly sending it long into the spaces behind the fullbacks. Because Palace dropped deep, we had a lot of possession but there was a definite lack of movement in front of whoever had a ball. When Armstrong came on and to a much lesser extent, when Elyounoussi came on, at least we had some players moving into spaces and that’s how we ultimately got the equaliser. The change in formation was exactly the right call and I was impressed with Slattery who found pockets of space and kept the ball moving quickly which is something that was lacking before. I can’t help but feel that Hojbjerg was hampered by the big stupid fucking bandage around his head.

Aside from Targett, we haven’t got any left-footed players on the pitch so yesterday everything seemed to go down the left-hand side as no one wanted to ping a ball from left to right and this was really highlighted when JWP was switched to right wingback and didn’t touch the ball for 15 minutes. Ironically, his goal came from his first touch after he had been waiting for a pass for fucking ages. Us attacking down the left meant we were relying on Targett to provide ammunition for the strikers but he was up against the excellent Wan-Bissaka who he did not have the beating of. It was only when we actually played some passes around the fullback that Targett managed to get the cross over for the equaliser.

Wilfred Zaha. He always used to be a right petulant little fucker and it appears that some things never leave you. Firstly, he was fouled but what happened after that was fucking ridiculous. Allowing himself to get wound up by JWP shithousing was one thing but to get booked and then sarcastically applaud the referee is only going to end one way and off you go.  I can’t imagine he’s not gonna get away without an additional ban for basically, repeating the offence that he got his second booking for. Quality shit housing by JWP though maybe a shame it didn’t happen earlier in the game.

It’s hard to pick out any standout players from this game as everyone was kind of average from McCarthy and his hesitation and crosses into a box right through to Ings and Redmond with their lack of threat upfront.

Overall, we were lucky to get a point and Palace will be kicking themselves that they didn’t put it to bed at the start the second half. It was a really good job that I don’t have a decent centre forward and that Sakho has a 50p for a head.

Ralph had a little pop at the fans afterwards for being impatient about our slow build-up. I know what he’s saying but surely he appreciates that a lot of fans are fucking idiots. Yes, that’s you who sits directly behind me that I’m talking about. Also, we have had 2 1/2 years of this shit so it’s not surprising that the first sign of it returning brings a few complaints. I think we all know that Ralph would like a more in-your-face team that plays at full pelt for 90 minutes but he can’t do it with the players that we have got and as he said at the fans forum the other day, this season is just about staying up.

Of course it would’ve been nice to win today but a draw is not the worst result in the world. Off we go next week to Burnley for another must not lose game. Every time we go to Burnley, we managed to play shit and usually lose. Last year of course we got a Bobby Madley assisted equaliser in the last minute but I feel that we owe them one and whilst I’m not expecting it to be a particularly good game, it will be good to come back with our 2019 unbeaten run in the league still intact.