Premier League Match 17 - Bournemouth 1 Southampton 3

J-Rod: One Yard Out : The Turning Point

A trip to Dean Court as was, to play Bournemouth and a build-up of the usual ‘is this a derby’ shite. In some ways I would like it to be as it would kind of write Portsmouth off of the map but deep down we know it isn't. I've pondered this question many times before but all I could think about in the build up to this game was whether or not when the fixtures were released, I looked down the fixture list first for the games against Bournemouth? The answer of course, is that I didn't.

Eddie Howe of course makes a good point when he says that the rivalry is building and it will continue to build the more that the teams play against each other and the more that each team beats the other one. That is true. Last year however, when we didn't turn up down here and got stuffed 2-0, I just felt as pissed off as I would have felt had we lost to any team who were near the bottom 6 like Bournemouth were at the time. If you read social media though you can easily come across many Bournemouth fans who are desperately trying to make it as big a deal as the Saints Pompey rivalry.  That is never going to happen but these Bournemouth fans are really annoying bastards so it will be nice to win the game and check out what these fucktards are saying afterwards.

I'm listening to a bit of the pre-match build-up on the Radio Solent where we have Dave Merrington in the Saints corner and John Williams in the Bournemouth corner.  It's a bit of a surprise to hear Merrington being the more sensible of the two. Williams is getting a little bit carried away and I hope this comes back to bite him in the arse afterwards. Most Saints fans who are quoted or interviewed on the radio are expecting a tough game and predicting a draw whereas the Bournemouth contributors are in the main giving it the large one and predicting a 3-0 win. We shall see.

We have to be positive despite our chronic lack of goals and I've had a bit of a premonition which came to me when I was trying to fall asleep having been drinking very heavily last Thursday night. I was seeing us winning 2-0 with J-Rod defying his J-Rust nickname that I've given him and scoring two goals.  We were of course near the bottom of the scoring charts in the league but on Saturday, Middlesbrough managed to score three and so we are rock bottom – less goals than anybody.

The team news is a big deal because José Fonte is not in the starting XI.  He’s a sub which is completely bizarre considering it’s a league game.  Harrison reed is starting with Romeu suspended which is good to see rather than shifting Hojbjerg or Clasie into defensive midfielder position and these are the other two midfielders.  Joining Boufal up front is Nathan Redmond with J-Rod being given another chance to see if he can find some form.  If the Fonte news is bad then the other bad news is that Show Pony Mark Clattenburg is referee so expect it all to be about him.  Bournmeouth have bolstered their side this season with loan signings in the form of Jack Wilshere and Nathan Ake from Arsenal and Chelsea respectively.  Other notables are Artur Boruc in goal who is still one of the best goalkeepers in the Premier League in my opinion.  Up front they have Callum Wilson who started loast season on fire and then got a season ending injury and like J-Rod for us, has ben searching for form ever since he got back.  They signed a few players in the summer but not many of them appear to be playing like Ibe, Gradel or Mousset.  I like Charlie Daniels at left back but I have an irrational dislike for Adam Smith who is usually at right back.

Away we go and Saints attack and Wilshere picks up the ball on the edge of his own box and fannies about with Bertrand nicking it off him.  Wilshere reacts and fouls him – well it would have been a foul anywhere else on the pitch but in the penalty area in the first minute, no chance.  We win a corner off Daniels and Bertrand’s delivery nearly catches out Boruc but he manages to shovel it out from the line.

From Bournmeouth’s first attack, they win a corner off of Boufal and work it short back to Wilshere who has all the time he needs to curl in a cross and Hojbjerg stands and watches as Ake nips in front of him and executes a perfect diving header and into the bottom corner, giving Forster no chance.  Fucking hell.

We respond by pissing about in defence and Boufal over-elaborates and loses it, presenting King with a chance and he makes space for himself before hammering in a shot which hits Fraser and luckily, just drops down for him to pick up.  Good save by The Wall to be fair and it should have been 2-0.

We can’t seem to settle into any sort of rhythm.  Reed is giving the ball away virtually every time he has it and Hojbjerg is having his worst game since he got here, an absolute shocker.  Balls forward find J-Rust isolated and everything keeps bouncing off him.  Only Boufal seems to have anything about him and it’s looking like it’s going to be a long afternoon.

We keep trying to pass it out from the back and Bertrand and Boufal combine to give Clasie the ball which he sends down the line.  Great touch by J-Rod to Boufal and then we seem to lose all impetus as usual by going square to Hojbjerg, Redmond and back again.  Clasie picks it up again and plays square to Bertrand and Bournemouth are all back again now.  Bertrand is in the mood to make things happen and he drives inside a pathetic attempt at a tackle by Smith and then outside Francis who has the speed off the mark of a cow.  Bertrand then smashes it across Boruc and into the net right by the post.  Fucking brilliant goal and our boy certainly deserves celebrating in front of the Bournemouth fans who have been giving him loads of stick – presumable for playing 5 games for them on loan about 10 years ago. 

Something has changed with the goal.  We’ve grown and they’ve shrunk.  Wilshere is caught again pissing about in his own area and this time Clasie gets to him and the ball breaks to Boufal whose shot is deflected kindly for Bournemouth, straight to Boruc. Boufal is suddenly unplayable and pulling the strings and showing why we bought him, sliding a lovely ball into Redmond on the right who pulls it back but as is our way, no one gambled on getting to the near post.

We are completely controlling this now and Hojbjerg sends the rampant Bertrand down the left.  Considering they have two right backs on the pitch in Smith and Francis, it’s ridiculous how much space Ryan is getting and he measures a great pull back to Redmond who tries to side foot it home but instead barely kicks it and the ball just carries on going.  Shite.  Boufal is running rings round them and he doesn’t need to have a dive but he does and it deservedly booked.

Half time comes and goes and I’m thinking that we only have to be positive in this game and not play in front of them and it’s there for the taking.  They look very average everywhere and all we have to do is believe.  Claude says ‘fuck that’ (in French) and decides to be more positive and brings on Davo for Harry Reed.

Davo is involved straight away, chipping a ball forward which causes panic and Francis decides a good caurse of action is to head it across his own penalty area to Redmond.  Lucky for him, Ake is alert and digs him out of the shit and blocks Redmond’s effort.  It’s only a temporary reprieve though as Davo pings a gret ball left to right to Cedric.  Our European Champion holds it long enough to pick out Davo again and then the magic happens.  Davo into Boufal, a back heel back to Davis who takes it on, chips over the sliding Boruc and there is J-Rod, 1 yard out….. and this time he doesn’t miss the ball and bundles it into the net for 2-1.

Bloody hell we’ve scored twice and are in front.  I know – let’s get sloppy as Bertrand allows himself to be robbed by King who finds Wilson who skies one.  This sloppiness is contagious as Cook is closed down by J-Rod and the clearance rebounds and Jay is heading towards goal along the bye line but Boruc gets out well to save.  He really should have passed to Redmond on the penalty spot.

Claude then pulls a surprise by taking Boufal off and replacing him with the maskless Tadic.  Boufal has been superb and has made Smith and Francis in particular, look stupid but he has been booked and Twattenburg is referee so a wise precaution.  We have a great chance to wrap it up as Bertrand against gets free on the left and his cross finds Hojbjerg at the back post.  He hammers it past Boruc but Ake has got back to clear it.  More great football and Redmond picks it up in the inside left channel before curling a good effort just over the bar.

At the other end, outr biggest danger is Twattenburg.  Wilshere is up to his old trick of running head long into people, hitting the deck and squealing like a bitch and Twattenburg is buying it.  Last time I checked, it’s not a foul if you stand your ground and someone runs into you.

Anyway, my growing annoyance with Twattenburg totally goes as we reach 85 minutes as Redmond picks it up on the left, twists past Arter and get tackled by Cook only for the ball to bounce free and J-Rod just swivels and hits it right footed, over Boruc and arrowing into the top corner.  What a fucking goal that is.  Absolutely brilliant.  Bournemouth are done. Afobe is on, Fraser is on, Ibe is on.  They have nothing except a Cook shot which Fraser saves easily enough.  Claude pulls the ‘standing ovation’ substitution as Shane comes on for J-Rod.  J-Rust no more.

Back in your box Bournemouth. That was a pretty good away performance as they go with the right blend of tenacity, decent defending and pace on the break. The clinical play upfront was more than enough to get us over the line today. The headlines will go to J-Rod and deservedly so and he certainly deserves it after the run he’s had but there were a few heroes out there today starting with the manager who got everything spot-on from half time onwards. Steve Davis was absolutely superb when he came on and his introduction helped Clasie and Hojbjerg completely dominate the Bournemouth midfield pair of Arter and Wilshere who were next to invisible.

In defence, it has to be said that all of the back four were superb with Virgil and Maya easily repelling any attack Bournemouth put together and the fullbacks being a real menace further forward, particularly Ryan Bertrand who added another superb goal to a very good performance and he wound the crowd up which is always good to see.

J-Rod has had an absolute fucking nightmare in front of goal for the past few weeks and his first half performance was pretty ropey today as well but just bundling a goal into the net from 1 yard made a world of difference. He doesn't score the second goal without the first goal as without the first goal he doesn't just turn and hit it, he takes three touches to bring it down and then gives the ball away. What a goal. I'm a big fan of Artur Boruc but it was fantastic to see him flying across the goal and not getting anywhere near it as it ripped into the top corner.

Like I said, the midfield won the game in the second half. Both Hojbjerg and Reed were pretty ropey in the first half but the introduction of Davis was massive and Hojbjerg really improved as the second half went on.

As for Bournemouth, well they were very disappointing. The midfield pair of Arter and Wilshere were absolutely shite, and they got nothing at all going down the wings with Pugh and Smith. I can't stand Smith and I can't stand Francis either so it was absolutely glorious to see Bertrand rip the pair of them a new arsehole on the first goal.  There are a lot of teams in the Premier League where if you can stay solid and hit them with quick counter attacking play, they just can’t handle it and Bournemouth are firmly in that category.

Another thing about Wilshere. He has always had this habit of just running headlong into the nearest player and flopping to the ground. It was driving me absolutely nuts today that Twattenburg him a free kick every single fucking time he did it and later on in the game when Hojbjerg was blocked off by a Bournemouth player, it was a free kick to Bournemouth. Wilshere couldn't resist going on Twitter at the start of the week saying he was looking forward to playing in his first South Coast Derby. Well now you've played it one you pikey arsehole, did you enjoy it? To be honest, I don't expect he gives a shit that he lost. He got an assist for a goal which was a really good cross so I expect that it's job done as far as he's concerned. His stats will look a bit better to either get him back to Arsenal for next season or to get him a move somewhere else.  Eddie Howe made the mistake that lots of England managers have made and played him too deep. 

The media are always so nice to Eddie Howe. Before the game they all asked him about the significance of the South Coast element and Eddie was at pains to point out that it meant a lot to their supporters. After the game when they've just been humped, no one mentioned the south coast side of things - it was all about what Bournemouth didn't do and about how they can't string two wins in a row together. Why not ask him how he feels to have let everybody down and got beaten by their great South Coast rivals in their own backyard.  They’d have asked him about the significance of beating Saints if they’d won.

The best chant from the crowd today was one of there is only one south coast Derby. I expect any Pompey fans are watching enjoyed hearing that one. Get back in your box Bournemouth.

It's a funny old game. A quick look at the league table immediately after the game and we are seventh which is quite mad. Before the game we were the lowest scorers in the entire division and 90 minutes later we are seventh in the league.  It would be a major achievement to finish any higher than this but the nice thing is that for now, until Everton catch up their game in hand at least, we’re above Ronald Koeman.

Talking of ex-managers, we now have 10 days until our next game which is at home to Pochettino and his North London Bastards who of course include Big Vic and Shithouse Alderweireld.  Hopefully we put up a better show than we did last year in this game where we limply lost 2-0.  We did the same at Bournemouth last year and put that right today so who knows?

Anyway, Merry Christmas from all at League One Minus 10. That’s just me by the way.