He's not Bad, is he?
Friday 10th June
Host nation France opened up against Romania, in what for an opening game, was actually quite decent. Also decent was the referee who was in remarkably not bent towards France and in fact gave a penalty against them which made it 1-1, cancelling out Giroud's opening header and when the goalkeeper was flapping like a budgie. It looked like a disappointing draw for France until Payet lashed one in the top corner with one minute to go. He is an absolutely fantastic player who lit up the game every time he got the ball. Deschamps just let him go and play. There is a lesson in there somewhere that I'm sure Roy Hodgson will not learn. France looked pretty decent going forward but their defence is shit. Evra is 35 now, Koscielny isn't the greatest and Rame who plays next to him at centre half looks like he wouldn't even get in the England squad ahead of the dodgy centre halves that we've got. Romania look like one of those teams that England would really struggle to break down if we played them in the knockout stages.
The leaked team news that you always get before England games and is usually accurate, indicates that Sterling and Lallana will play on the wings with Kane upfront and Rooney wheezing around in midfield probably for 90 minutes when everyone will be able to see that he is absolutely knackered after about 55 minutes.
Saturday 11th June
The day started with Albania against Switzerland which ended in a 1-0 win for the Swiss. The game was memorable purely because two brothers played for opposite sides, which says more about the stupid residential qualifications for international football than anything else.
Next up was Wales against Slovakia and this is of course in England's group. I thought the game itself was pretty substandard. Slovakia should've scored early on but it was Wales that took the lead after 10 minutes when Bale scored a free kick from 20 yards when the keeper decided to wander over to the wrong side of the goal as he hit it. Wales look fairly comfortable to be honest but let in a goal from Slovakia’s first attack and from that point on it looked like they lose but Robson-Kanu came on and managed to scuff a misplaced Ramsey pass into the net to give Wales a 2-1 win. It was interesting watching Wales as you hear that they are a one man team but Bale did very very little to justify his reputation aside from scoring a free kick. Aaron Ramsey has dyed his hair blonde which just means that it stands out more when he fucks something up, which he does very often. A big plus point for Wales though is that they play as a team and they really want to run through brick walls for each other which is something that England could learn from. We really have nothing to fear from these two sides.
And so we moved on to England and our opener against Russia. As had been leaked the day before, Vardy was left out with Lallana and Sterling picked. Rooney was shoehorned in as a deep lying midfielder next to Eric Dier. England started very well with Lallana prominent but he smashed a clear chance straight at the keeper and then screwed another one wide. Rooney then drilled an effort straight at the keeper as well and we went in 0-0 at half time despite completely dominating the first half. Russia were the better side for the first 15 minutes of the second-half but then England took over again with Rooney forcing an unbelievable save out of Akinfeev in the Russian gong as he tipped Squirrel Head’s shot up onto the bar. The breakthrough eventually came on 80 minutes as Alli ran into a Russian defender and won a free kick (bollocks decision) which Dier smashed into the net. At this point Hodgson decided to take Rooney off which was bizarre as he was having a great game. Ok he looked a bit tired but it’s amusing considering all the shite games that he's had for England when he's been left on for 90 minutes. On came Wilshere and things continued to look quite decent and then on 88 minutes he finally put to Sterling out of his misery. Don't let anyone tell you differently, Sterling was complete wank but Hodgson ensured we kept the same levels of wank on the pitch by bringing Milner on. Russia managed a little bit of pressure with a couple of minutes to go with Milner fucking up and over committed allowing a cross to come into our box and Berezutski got himself up against Rose at the far post and looped a header over Hart to make it 1-1.
On the one hand it was cruel because we had been the better side by a long way and had played pretty well but on the other hand we paid for our lack of quality in the final third and Hodgson being incredibly negative. One of the best ways to protect a lead is to attack and we have the best counter attacking forwards on the bench in Jamie Vardy but the negative old goat decides to throw on fucking Milner. It should have been Vardy for Sterling on about 55 minutes and it certainly should have happened once we went in front. We also had the ridiculous shit of Harry Kane taking all of the corners. It's not as if he's even any good at them as he just completely overhit every one. Maybe if we had a 6 foot 3 centre forward in the middle rather than taking the fucking corners we might have got someone on the end of one.
I have to say that Lallana played really well in the first half but in the second half he predictably died and he was left on for the entire match despite being clearly knackered for the last half an hour. I know I've said it once but I'd like to say it again for emphasis and so no one gets the wrong idea but Sterling was wank. He stops when he should just go, he hardly ever gets the cross in because he got no left foot and if by some chance he does get the cross in, it's just smashed across the box with no quality whatsoever.
Despite being touted as our weak link, the back four was actually quite decent. I have never been a fan of Kyle Walker but he was excellent at right back. Cahill and Smalling were competent enough but Rose is still a liability defensively. Harry Kane was pretty poor upfront and really should've been replaced with any of the multitude of strikers that we have on the bench and Dele Alli didn't do as much as we hoped he would do.
Host nation France opened up against Romania, in what for an opening game, was actually quite decent. Also decent was the referee who was in remarkably not bent towards France and in fact gave a penalty against them which made it 1-1, cancelling out Giroud's opening header and when the goalkeeper was flapping like a budgie. It looked like a disappointing draw for France until Payet lashed one in the top corner with one minute to go. He is an absolutely fantastic player who lit up the game every time he got the ball. Deschamps just let him go and play. There is a lesson in there somewhere that I'm sure Roy Hodgson will not learn. France looked pretty decent going forward but their defence is shit. Evra is 35 now, Koscielny isn't the greatest and Rame who plays next to him at centre half looks like he wouldn't even get in the England squad ahead of the dodgy centre halves that we've got. Romania look like one of those teams that England would really struggle to break down if we played them in the knockout stages.
The leaked team news that you always get before England games and is usually accurate, indicates that Sterling and Lallana will play on the wings with Kane upfront and Rooney wheezing around in midfield probably for 90 minutes when everyone will be able to see that he is absolutely knackered after about 55 minutes.
Saturday 11th June
The day started with Albania against Switzerland which ended in a 1-0 win for the Swiss. The game was memorable purely because two brothers played for opposite sides, which says more about the stupid residential qualifications for international football than anything else.
Next up was Wales against Slovakia and this is of course in England's group. I thought the game itself was pretty substandard. Slovakia should've scored early on but it was Wales that took the lead after 10 minutes when Bale scored a free kick from 20 yards when the keeper decided to wander over to the wrong side of the goal as he hit it. Wales look fairly comfortable to be honest but let in a goal from Slovakia’s first attack and from that point on it looked like they lose but Robson-Kanu came on and managed to scuff a misplaced Ramsey pass into the net to give Wales a 2-1 win. It was interesting watching Wales as you hear that they are a one man team but Bale did very very little to justify his reputation aside from scoring a free kick. Aaron Ramsey has dyed his hair blonde which just means that it stands out more when he fucks something up, which he does very often. A big plus point for Wales though is that they play as a team and they really want to run through brick walls for each other which is something that England could learn from. We really have nothing to fear from these two sides.
And so we moved on to England and our opener against Russia. As had been leaked the day before, Vardy was left out with Lallana and Sterling picked. Rooney was shoehorned in as a deep lying midfielder next to Eric Dier. England started very well with Lallana prominent but he smashed a clear chance straight at the keeper and then screwed another one wide. Rooney then drilled an effort straight at the keeper as well and we went in 0-0 at half time despite completely dominating the first half. Russia were the better side for the first 15 minutes of the second-half but then England took over again with Rooney forcing an unbelievable save out of Akinfeev in the Russian gong as he tipped Squirrel Head’s shot up onto the bar. The breakthrough eventually came on 80 minutes as Alli ran into a Russian defender and won a free kick (bollocks decision) which Dier smashed into the net. At this point Hodgson decided to take Rooney off which was bizarre as he was having a great game. Ok he looked a bit tired but it’s amusing considering all the shite games that he's had for England when he's been left on for 90 minutes. On came Wilshere and things continued to look quite decent and then on 88 minutes he finally put to Sterling out of his misery. Don't let anyone tell you differently, Sterling was complete wank but Hodgson ensured we kept the same levels of wank on the pitch by bringing Milner on. Russia managed a little bit of pressure with a couple of minutes to go with Milner fucking up and over committed allowing a cross to come into our box and Berezutski got himself up against Rose at the far post and looped a header over Hart to make it 1-1.
On the one hand it was cruel because we had been the better side by a long way and had played pretty well but on the other hand we paid for our lack of quality in the final third and Hodgson being incredibly negative. One of the best ways to protect a lead is to attack and we have the best counter attacking forwards on the bench in Jamie Vardy but the negative old goat decides to throw on fucking Milner. It should have been Vardy for Sterling on about 55 minutes and it certainly should have happened once we went in front. We also had the ridiculous shit of Harry Kane taking all of the corners. It's not as if he's even any good at them as he just completely overhit every one. Maybe if we had a 6 foot 3 centre forward in the middle rather than taking the fucking corners we might have got someone on the end of one.
I have to say that Lallana played really well in the first half but in the second half he predictably died and he was left on for the entire match despite being clearly knackered for the last half an hour. I know I've said it once but I'd like to say it again for emphasis and so no one gets the wrong idea but Sterling was wank. He stops when he should just go, he hardly ever gets the cross in because he got no left foot and if by some chance he does get the cross in, it's just smashed across the box with no quality whatsoever.
Despite being touted as our weak link, the back four was actually quite decent. I have never been a fan of Kyle Walker but he was excellent at right back. Cahill and Smalling were competent enough but Rose is still a liability defensively. Harry Kane was pretty poor upfront and really should've been replaced with any of the multitude of strikers that we have on the bench and Dele Alli didn't do as much as we hoped he would do.
Hodgson is a senile old goat though. He loads the squad with attackers and then only plays one of them upfront and doesn't use any of the three that he's got on the bench. It shouldn't be terminal as we should still get through the group of course but a defeat against Wales would make it very interesting. All I wanted was for Roy to not fuck it up and he's not made a good start.
Sunday 12th June
Croatia against Turkey was first up today and it turned out to be a close match but Croatia were by far the better side. All they had to show for it was a fantastic volley by Modrić from 30 yards after a hooked clearance by the Turkey centre back. They spent the rest of the game missing sitters but Turkey created the square root of not very much in reply and Croatia held out for a fairly comfortable win. They look like a good side with good players in addition to Modrić and Mandzukic. I liked the left winger Perisic, who was everything that Raheem Sterling wasn't last night for England. Pace, power, focus and direction with a good ball in as well. I can't imagine he'll ever get transferred for £50 million anywhere but I know who I'd rather have in my side.
Northern Ireland took on Poland who are my tip to do well out of the unfancied nations. The game played out in exactly the way I thought it would with Poland being by far the better side and Northern Ireland chasing shadows for the majority of it and having very little quality on the ball. Teams like Northern Ireland can only achieve good results at this level by being more than the sum of their parts and unfortunately today they just look like what they are, a collection of average footballers. The goal just after half time which had been long overdue was eventually scored by Milik and Northern Ireland had virtually nothing in response apart from set pieces, one of which was played to Steve Davis who made a very clever run but couldn't quite get on the end of it. He was out and away Northern Ireland's best player as you'd expect. I would say they have no chance of getting anything against Germany in their last game so the next one against Ukraine is one they really have to try and attack and trying get some more players up near Lafferty who was virtually playing in the Polish half on his own.
Germany played Ukraine in the third game of the day and Ukraine had obviously prepared by watching a video of Germany beating Brazil 7-1 and were clearly scared to fucking death. The Germans took the lead after 20 minutes through a decent header from Mustafi and continued to swagger about the pitch with their usual arrogance. The good news for everyone else is that their defence looks like it's got a mistake in it and Ukraine really should have equalised before half time. The second half was shit though as Germany controlled the play and Ukraine still kept seven or eight players behind the ball the whole time. In an echo of the England game, Germany sent on Schweinsteiger with a few minutes to go to try and see out a 1-0 win. In a slight difference to what Milner contributed, he got himself in the middle after a lightning break up the left following a Ukraine corner and was on the end of Ozil's cross to slam into the net for 2-0 and one game successfully shut down by counter attacking. Hmmm, Vardy's good at that.
Hodgson has got away with it in the media because it all kicked off in Marseille which is all anyone wanted to talk about. No doubt we have some dickheads who are only out for a ruck but how the fuck can the French police, in their current heightened state of security, allow some Russian nutter to get a flare gun into the ground, let alone fire a flare into the England fans. Why the fuck were England put in Marseille where it kicked off in 1998 and there is a large presence of French nutters? England and Russia have been threatened with expulsion from the tournament which was entirely predictable and no doubt we'll get more blame than anyone else despite it being identified that a hardcore Russian firm of 150 nutters were operating, seeing themselves as some sort of army.
Monday 13th June
The 2pm kick offs are a little bit of a nightmare
to keep in touch with, being at work and all that. Today it was Spain v Czech Republic. Everyone knows that Spain are going to be
decent but can they actually stick the ball in the net. They haven’t bothered with Diego Costa or
Fernando Torres this time around but have gone with Alvaro Moratta who missed a
couple of decent chances in the first half.
After dominating possession for the whole match as usual, eventually
Spain broke through when Iniesta curled in a superb cross from the left and Mr
Shakira, Gerard Pique was there to nod past Petr Cech.
Next up was Republic of Ireland and Sweden who are
probably playing for 3rd place in this group behind Italy and Belgium. Ireland had the better of the first half and
had some decent efforts through Hendrick and Brady and they took the lead when
Coleman turned the left back inside out and stood up a great cross for Hoolahan
to smash into the net on the half volley.
Great goal. From that moment on,
Ireland went into their shell and Zlatan decided to wake up and it was a matter
of time before Sweden equalised as Zlatan got down the left and fired it across
and Cairan Clark brought his Aston Villa form to the big stage and stooped to
plant a header past his own goalkeeper.
Usually with own goals you can see it was unlucky but this was just
shit. Sweden looked the more likely to
win it at the end but Ireland will be regretting not scoring in the first half.
Last up was Italy against Belgium. Now, I admit I’m biased as I’ve had a soft
spot for Italy for a while. The first
World Cup I really remember well is 1982 with Tardelli and Rossi and all that
and one of the best games I ever saw was Italy knocking Germany out of their
own World Cup in 2006 with a team boasting Cannavaro, del Piero, Pirlo
etc. Now they have Graziano Pellè as
well so what’s not to like? Belgium on
the other hand are everyone’s tip to do well and somehow are ranked number 2 in
the World. They have a lot of Premier
League players who play for the big clubs which in my mind, probably makes them
over hyped and not as good as everyone thinks they are. Take Fellaini for example – yes he plays for
Manchester United but is he really a top level international player? Is he fuck.
Anyway, the game was marvellous with Italy playing
as a team with a plan and Belgium playing as a team of individuals. The Italians took the lead just before half
time when Bonucci pinged a ball 60 yards over Toby the Shithouse straight to
Giacherrini who finished well. Graziano
missed a sitter with a header straight after that and looked like he might pay
for it as Lukaku broke away but with just Buffon to beat, he floated an effort
high and wide. Hazard looked lively but
all these players you hear so much about were shocking. De Bruyne was embarrassingly bad and Lukaku,
Witsel, Nainggolan and Fellaini weren’t far behind. It took until the 93rd minute but Candreva
broke down the right and picked out Pellè with a cross which he lashed in on the
volley with a real 'pick the fucking bones out of that' finish, to make it 2-0.
Brilliant.
The Italians have a back three on Barzagli, Bonucci
and Chiellini who all play for Juve and they are so organized it’s frightening
when compared to other teams who can’t defend for shit. Buffon is not a bad keeper either so expect
them to go a long way in the tournament.
I liked Candreva on the wing as well and the twin stike force of Pellè
and Eder gave Toby the Shithouse nightmares.
Belgium looked like England to be honest – they have some decent players
who are not as good as the media would have us believe and also they appear to
have a manager who hasn’t got a clue and picks on reputation rather than
form. As England proved with our ‘Golden
Generation’, over hyped big club Premier League bollocks gets you nowhere on it’s
own and can’t believe he left De Bruyne on who was shocking – worse than
Raheem. Someone needs to tell them that
football is a team game and you need some grafters to achieve anything.
Tuesday 14th June
Just the two games today with the match fancied Austrians taking on Hungary. Austria, containing a couple of players who we are familiar with in Christian Fuchs and the knobhead Marco Arnautovic started the better of the two sides and forced a great save out of former Crystal Palace keeper Gabor Kiraly who is now 40 and still wearing the same pair of shitty grey tracksuit bottoms he wore 15 years ago. In the second half Hungary took the lead with a goal buy Szalai, a striker who hadn't scored for about two years. Austria pressed and had a double whammy of a goal disallowed and the reason it was disallowed was because one of their players had cleaned out a Hungary defender resulting in him being sent off. Hungary became yet another team who has managed (unlike England) to keep the foot on the throat when on top and scored a second with a lovely chip over the keeper by Zoltan Steiber
Just the two games today with the match fancied Austrians taking on Hungary. Austria, containing a couple of players who we are familiar with in Christian Fuchs and the knobhead Marco Arnautovic started the better of the two sides and forced a great save out of former Crystal Palace keeper Gabor Kiraly who is now 40 and still wearing the same pair of shitty grey tracksuit bottoms he wore 15 years ago. In the second half Hungary took the lead with a goal buy Szalai, a striker who hadn't scored for about two years. Austria pressed and had a double whammy of a goal disallowed and the reason it was disallowed was because one of their players had cleaned out a Hungary defender resulting in him being sent off. Hungary became yet another team who has managed (unlike England) to keep the foot on the throat when on top and scored a second with a lovely chip over the keeper by Zoltan Steiber
A Shiny Twat, Yesterday
Ronaldo and the other 10 Portuguese players were playing Iceland who really should have no chance. Ronaldo however, played like Gareth Bale did in the Wales game in that he clearly doesn't look fit. Both these players are terrifying to defenders when they're running at full tilt but neither seemed to be able to run. Ronaldo was just hanging around upfront waiting for the ball and invariably the other Portuguese players weren’t good enough to give it to him. In addition, the Icelandic players were lining up and taking turns to kick him up the arse which was quite funny. I have to say though that Ronaldo does look a very shiny these days. Nani put Portugal ahead just before half time but they couldn't get a second despite the Icelandic goalkeeper looking terrified every time at the ball came near him. Iceland, playing exclusively on the break managed to score on the hour mark as a cross came in from the right and Bjarnason had the freedom of the penalty area to knock it past the keeper. The comedy defending by Pepe and the Vieirinha was very funny. The two Saints players in the Portugal squad were both left on the bench which is remarkable because Calvalho is preferred to José Fonte despite being 38 years old and Vieirinha is preferred to Cedric despite being complete shit. Ronaldo hit a couple of late free kicks into the wall and had a free header which he put straight at the keeper and that was it. He did however make a complete twat of himself in the interview afterwards when he criticised the way Iceland played and the fact that they were small time. Well they got a draw with you overhyped shower of shit didn't they and at the end justifies the means you shiny twat.
Round 1 Awards:
Best Team: Italy
Best Player: Dimitri Payet
Best Goal: Dimitri Payet, Luca Modric
Worst Team: Northern Ireland
Worst Player: Kevin De Bruyne, Cairan Clark
Over Achievers: Iceland
Most Overhyped: Belgium, Christiano Ronaldo
Worst Manager: Roy Hodgson, Marc Wilmots (Belgium)
Shiniest Player: Christiano Ronaldo
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