Premier League Match 18 - Southampton 4 Arsenal 0

I'm Back... Bitches!

Following the shower of shit against Tottenham, focus has turned to the Arsenal game and its all been about Calum Chambers who is hotly tipped for a loan move back to Saints in January.  On the one hand, this would appear to suit both parties – our defence has been a bit shambolic, especially the right hand side of it and he’s not getting any game time for Arsenal where despite an injury crisis of epic proportions, he still only gets on in the 91^st minute if he’s lucky, to wind the clock down.  That makes me laugh by the way, especially as he always posts on Twitter afterwards, usually a picture of him with the goalscorer who he’s gone to congratulate at the end of the game.  Yes my tone is cynical and yes part of me wants this rumour to be untrue because the ungrateful little shit got trained up for 10 years at the best academy in the country and as soon as it was time to start repaying that in the first team, he chose to fuck off and his career in a footballing sense has gone nowhere.  Sure he won an England cap just for being at a big club but a minute here and there is hardly going to improve your football is it?

Another who left too early is Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain who is back today as well.  He’s not kicked on either really and has now fallen behind Joel Campbell in the pecking order.  It took Theo Walcott 3 years at Arsenal before he started improving as well and Alex looks like he’s destined for not a lot.  Think very carefully when as a 17/18 year old you’re confronted with the question of ‘Do you want to be the best player you can be or do you want to be the richest player you can be’?

If there’s any truth to the rumour about Chambers then Wenger is probably using it to sweeten a potential deal for Victor Wanyama.  It would be a surprise to me if Wenger went for Wanyama as it would be a departure from his usual modus operandii with Saints players which is to hide in the trees at Staplewood watching the youth team with a camera in one hand and his trousers round his ankles.

For our part, Ronald Koeman has highlighted how ridiculous it is to have two game that haven’t even got 48 hours between them.  He’s right of course but will anyone listen?  Of course not.  So we have a game on Boxing Day which is the norm but why have one on the Monday afterwards?  Absolutely unnecessary.  I say ‘traditional’ in relation to Boxing Day but traditional means a noon kick off where the thinking was that people wanted to get out of the house in the morning before stuffing their faces with food and beer again in the evening but no, we get 7.45 pm which means many fans will be pissed about and we and Arsenal have less recovery time than our next opponents.  The Premier League should care about both those reasons or at least the second one but they don’t give a shit.

To the game and when the team was announced it was accompanied by the sound of 28,500 people saying ‘what the fuck?’ – men, women, kids… all of them… ‘what the fuck?’  All over the country and around the world, Saints fans tuned in to BT Sport said ‘what the fuck?’ and tuned out, or at the very least went to the bar and got 4 pints in – they were going to be needed.  Ronald’s idea of changing the defence was to bring in Cuco Martina…. What the fuck?  I’ve referred to him in very derogatory terms every time I’ve mentioned him, so much so that when my dog has a shite now, I refer to it as ‘having a Martina’.  It’s not big or clever but there you go. 

Disappointingly, there is no Romeu in midfield with Big Vic getting given another go with Clasie.  Maybe the logic is that Big Vic is playing Arsenal, who he might fancy playing for next season.  Steve Davis and JWP are also both selected so I’ve no real idea who’s playing where.  Up front there is no Graziano and in comes Shane Long to partner Sadio.  Tadic is on the bench but Graziano and Cédric are not, suggesting injuries.

It looks like we’re playing a 4-4-2 today with two genuine strikers and a tight four in midfield with JWP on the right and Davis on the left.  Solid and with hreat up front – I like it.  However it’s Arsenal who have the first two chances as Giroud headsz over and the Monreal really should have done better than to scuff a shot straight at Stekelenburg from a very good position.

Clasie crosses to Davis who nods the cross back to Bertrand and his cross is half headed away by Koscielny.  It rolls out of the area to Martina about 30 yards out and he just hits it with the outside of his right foot.  Initially it’s heading for the corner flag and then it bends… and bends… and bends and it’s past Cech and in the bottom corner and it’s one of the best strikes of a ball I’ve ever seen.  ‘What the fuck?’ again.  What a goal – unreal.  Cool as you like he just stands there with his arms out until everyone bundles him.  If I’d scored that I’d have been off round the pitch, even if it had been in front of three men and a dog at the park.  Unreal moment, what the fuck…?

Arsenal try and respond but we are defending well.  Bertrand plays a ball over the top of the full back and Long is chasing down Mertesackofshit who tries to shield it back to Cech.  Shane does his thing and the big German tanker is terrified so he falls over and Shane bundles past and ends up neatly backheeling it though Cech’s legs and into the net.  The whistle’s gone for a foul though… fuck off was it… and Shane’s been booked, I assume for advice given to John Moss afterwards.  Joke decision.  It would be typical if Arsenal scored now and they have a great chance as they win a corner and it drops on the head of a striker with a free header but luckily it’s Walcott and not Giroud and he tamely nods into the side netting.

We have another chance just before half time to make it 2-0 which is all of Asrenal’s making.  Mertesackofshit hoiks a ball across in the general direction of Koscielny who is under pressure and he eventually loses it to Mané who plays Shane trhough into the acres behind Mertesackofshit.  Sadly, Shane’s touch is heavy and he lifts the chance over Cech and well over the bar.

Half time and so far so good.  We can fucking do this.  If Cuco Bloody Martina can score a goal like that then we can do this.

The first incident of note in the second half sees Mané run at Koscielny who just cynically blocks him off.  Yellow card all day long but not today.  Idiot.  JWP curls it in and Cech half comes out and up goes Virgil and nods it over him to make it 2-0… oh no he doesn’t as the bastard flag is up.  It’s an interesting one when you see a reply as three Saints players went up for it but it’s only Virgil who touches it and he’s definitely not offside.

We don’t have long to wait though as Walcott wanders infield and plays a clueless ball straight to Davis.  His knocks it forwards to Long who produces a first time layoff to Mané and loses his marker and arrives in the box unmarked to sweep home the return cross.  2-0, this one counts, fuck off Arsene.  Oh look he’s complaining again.  Once more it’s interesting and maybe proof that things even out as the reason Long arrived in the box unmarked it because he clearly trips Koscielny after he’s put Mané away.  It’s clever and it’s the sort of thing that would have you spewing if it went against you but there you go.  Pick it out.

We’re turning them round every chance we get.  Vic and Clasie and ruling the midfield and a ball dinked over the top sees Mané and Long buzzing around the overrated and quite frankly piss poor Koscielny and Mertesackofshit who would get lapped in a 100 metre race.  Another ball over the top, more panicking from Koscielny and a corner.  Ryan Bertrand is taking them from the right now and his kick into the near post area is thumped into the net by the head of José Fonte as Cech again came out and then decided he didn’t fancy it.  Alex Chamberlain was supposed to with be marking Fonte or blocking his run but he did neither and just let him go.  Another example of something he can’t do which he probably would have been able to do by now if he’d stayed a bit longer with a club who actually develop players and teach them stuff, rather than fucking off for the bright lights at the earliest opportunity.  Talking of which, here comes Calum Chambers at 3-0 down to your former club – wanker!

Arsenal are still shitting it, in the face of us closing them down and it brings another chance for us as Tadic shoots from 30 yards and brings a good save out of Cech.  Is there time for a consolation goal for Arsenal as Monreal gets forward and delivers a cross?  No…. Ozil goes in with Stekelenburg and it rolls under the keeper and just wide.  It’s a mad game ans we look the more likely to score again as Tadic puts Long through and Mertesackofshit and his Caravan can’t keep up and Shane fires across Cech and it hits the post and comes out.

89 minutes are on the clock and we break again with Juanmi finding Tadic on the left.  He dissects the retreating defenders again and Shane is in once more and though he’s gone wide, he manages to squeeze a shot through Cech to make it 4-0.  Fucking get in there.

We want five, we want five… oh yeas we do but Tadic only wants a goal himself and instead of playing a simple ball to Long to smash intot he net from 6 yards, he decides to cut inside and out 4 times before seeing his shot deflected for a corner.  Not impressed but it would be silly to get too annoyed about it as the final whistle goes.  What the fuck?

We kept it tight, played on the break with pace up top and look what happened.  We bettered the side who are favourites to win the league.  Absolutely brilliant performance.  I still can’t get over the fact that Martina scored a brilliant goal but I’m amazed that he even looked like a competent footballer, keeping Walcott quiet.  One swallow does not make a summer though and the jury is still out on him but what a goal – unreal.  Fonte was back to his best today but the real difference was in midfield where Big Vic was back ladies and gentleman.  It’s amazing how good you can be when your attitude is right.  The cynical would suggest that it was because he was trying to impress Arsene Wenger but he and Clasie and then Romeu were awesome in midfield and my moment of the season was seeing Aaron Ramsey getting feisty with Big Vic and Vic raising himself up to his full height and suddenly Ramsey didn’t fancy it any more.  Two strikers – what a difference!  What a performance by Shane Long in particular.

Ronald was full of praise for the perfect second half but the post match highlight was always going to be the Wenger interview and he didn’t disappoint, shitting on about the first three goals being dodgy and failing to mention the two wrongly disallowed goals.  To be fair to the old goat, he did concede that we were the better side and wanted it more.

So – a Boxing Day win and in about 3 hours time an away game at West Ham which I’m suddenly more confident about.  They haven’t won for ages so why not?  I guess it’s too much given the short change around to ask for the same team but as long as Mané and Long are fit, I hope we keep the same formation and go for it.  After the gutless show against Tottenham, things are suddenly looking a lot brighter.

What the fuck?