Premier League Game 1 - Liverpool 2 Southampton 1

Behold, a Smug Tosser

As the Sky Gods decreed, Saints begin our season at Anfield to play a grudge match, not for the players but for the fans.  In increasing degrees of being a wanker – Lambert, Lovren and Billy Bigtime who used to be our captain are Liverpool players now and Brendan Rodgers is their manager.  I hate Brendon.  He’s a smug, smarmy tosser and he confirmed this with his pre-match interview where he basically said that he didn’t feel sorry for Saints and that the players want to better themselves.  Oddly enough he didn’t mention telling Gerrard to get in the ear of Lambert and Bigtime whilst on England duty and any mention of drip feeding news to the media, designed to unsettle other clubs players.  Enough of all that though.  Liverpool had a fantastic season last season before Gerrard slipped on his arse but of course have lost the main man in Luis Suarez who has chewed his last player in a Liverpool shirt.  They have to replace the goals he scored last season and my dream scenario for Brendon is that a proper big club, with a record of regular Champions League qualification comes and buys Daniel Sturridge before the window shuts, preferably by unsettling him through the media first.  With all these ice bucket challenges doing the rounds at the moment, I’d like to nominate Lovren and Lallana for a challenge with a difference.  Every Saints fan at Anfield to piss in a big bucket and then you tip it over your head.  Do that and we might forgive you.

To be honest I’m not really expecting too much from this game as we are a new side but you never know.  Ronald Koeman seems confident and it would be very nice to shat on Sky’s TV Dinner.  Of course, the powers that be who chose this fixture to televise, expect and want us to be hammered.  To the team and Ronald has declared that Morgan Schneiderlin is mentally ready to play which is good news and of the new players, only Florin Gardos is unavailable as he is a couple of weeks away with a hamstring injury.  The question of Morgan was answered when he took his place in the midfield alongside Big Vic and JWP with Steve Davis pushed forward to replace Lloyd Isgrove who dropped to the bench.   The subs bench contained Jack Stephens and it contained neither of Gaston Ramirez or King Artur.  Only Wanker Lovren of our ex-players has made the team with Lambert on the bench and the other wanker who used to be our captain in the stands injured.  I’m actually amazed he’s has the bottle to turn up to be honest.  It’s ironic that we were one of only two teams to beat them at Anfield last season and Brendon Rodgers must have sat through that game with a hard-on as he watched our players.

The summer of shite is officially over, Season 2014/15 is about to start – let’s fucking do it.

Liverpool produced their traditional fast start but all that came our way were long shots from Sturridge and the utterly shit Glen Johnson which flew miles over the bar.  Everyone’s favourite referee Twattenburg, who know what Adam Lallana is, was on the whistle and he didn’t give us a free kick when Bertrand got binned and then Maya left a leg out and fuled Sturridge and he didn’t give that one either.

We survived comfortably enough though and then Sterling got played in, the assembled media all began stiffening at the crotch but he leathered his shot straight at Fraser.   Tadic produced a really testing curling cross from the left and that Croatian wanker sliced it out of play as “wanker, wanker, wanker” rang out.  From the resulting corner, Mignolet had a flap and managed to claim the ball as it dropped when Big Vic really should have taken his head off with a big lash of his right boot.

Whilst we got away with Sterling’s last effort; full media climax was reached three minutes later.  Tadic lost the ball in the tackle to Henderson and Morgan should have picked up the loose ball but he was too powderpuff and Henderson went through him and threaded a beautiful ball between Fonte and Clyne and Sterling ran on to stroke it past Fraser who in truth, didn’t do much to prevent it.

The goal seemed to wake us up a bit and we suddenly attacked with more purpose.  JWP was finding space in his advanced midfield position and curled a right footed shot at the far post which had to be right in the corner to beat Mignolet and it unfortunately wasn’t.  Saints were now knocking Liverpool out of any stride they might have been in and Morgan very nearly had every sin he’d ever committed forgiven when he tried an identical shot to the one JWP had just attempted and this time it really was a decent save from Mignolet as we went in 1-0 down at half time but in truth, it had not been a bad performance.  Liverpool weren’t creating much due in the main to Big Vic and Morgan in the middle of the park.

It was an even opening to the second half but Saints were looking the more likely to score and 10 minutes in it happened.  Clyne burst forward from the back and fed Dusan Tadic who held it up before beautifully back-heeling it through that Croatian wanker, back to Clyne who lashed it past Mignolet at the near post.  Fucking brilliant goal… toss yourself off to that one Brendon you smug twat.

Liverpool are screaming for a penalty a few minutes later but it’s a fucking disgraceful dive by Coutinho but it’s all Saints now and a glorious chance comes to take the lead as JWP picks it up on the left, plays a wonderful unselfish ball across to Steve Davis and the one weakness in his game is demonstrated with a shitey half arsed finish which is straight at the keeper when he should have broken the fucking net and not given him an earthly.

Tadic and Clyne combined again but Skrtel read the 1-2 this time and blocked Clyne and the rebound went to Pelle who was also smothered by a Liverpool defender.  Shane Long came on for Tadic when in my opinion it really should have been Pelle who came off and Rodgers sent on Rickie Lambert for Coutinho and the big man got a deserved ovation from the Saints fans when he came on.  It looked for a horrible moment like he was to score with his first touch but Clyne got across to block.

With 10 minutes to go, Liverpool took an undeserved lead as a cross was half cleared up in the air, Sterling got up to head down and the markers had failed to go with Sturridge who flicked it into the net. Fuck.

Saints threw the sink at it for the last 10 with Isgrove on for Steve Davis.  JWP had a shot easily saved before Morgan Schneiderlin come very close to securing a deserved point as he lashed a Pelle knockdown goalwards but Mignolet threw up an arm to flick it up onto the bar. The rebound bounced down and Long, under pressure from flying Liverpool defenders, headed the rebound wide when he really should have scored.

You lucky bastard Brendon.  I would love to have seen you having to explain on TV how you signed 3 of our players and still couldn’t beat us but alas it was not to be.  I’m proud of our boys today.  You obviously never accept a defeat before the game but before the game, I’d have settled for a good performance and we got that and more.  We really should have got something out of the game and were very unlucky not to do so. 

As was predicted following the Leverkusen game, our problems are going to be up front.  Graziano Pelle will take a while to adapt to the English game and needs to sharpen up his movement if he’s going too get some goals for himself.  Dusan Tadic looks like a decent player going forward but we need more goal threat on the pitch than we had today with Steve Davis playing basically as a forward.  It was great to see JWP making a great start on delivering on his promise that this was going to be his season and it was of course, great to see Morgan Schneiderlin in a Saints shirt.  Those two and Big Vic are going to be huge for us this season.  Of the other new boys, Ryan Bertrand and Fraser Forster were solid enough and they will only improve.  Ronald Koeman was pleased with the performance but frustrated with the result.  He said we should have got something out of the game and he’s right and pointed to a lack of clinical finishing when compared to Liverpool.  Despite it being a defeat; it is a promising start.  I wonder if Robbie Savage and Phil Neville would care to revise their predictions about Saints getting relegated.

Next up we have the visit of West Brom.  Two years ago we had Man City as the opening game and the second game was a more winnable one against Wigan.  We were shit in that match and lost 2-0 and we cannot afford a repeat.  Shane Long will be up for the visit of one of his former clubs and I expect him to start and I expect us to win.