Twattenburg takes the heat off of J-Rod and Lallana
A trip to out-of-form Norwich in the league who have managed
to only win one game in their last 8 but are still in a position that we would
kill for. Grant Holt has found goals
harder to come by this season and when you see the size of him you can see why. Perhaps his new contract included a bonus
clause where he gets paid a proportion of a salary in pies and cakes from Delia
Smith. They have ex-Saints Andrew Surman
in their ranks who hardly seems to play and they have Anthony Pilkington who
was in League 1 with Huddersfield at the same time that we were there. It’s Chris Hughton’s first season after Paul
Lambert walked out on them and he’s keeping his head above water so far. Their deadline day signing of Luciano Becchio
made me smile though – he’s shit but he’s from Leeds like Johnny Howson,
moaning scrote Robert Snodgrarse and about half the rest of their squad.
The major news for the week for us was that we sorted out
our goalkeepers contract and tied him down for another two years. So, Artur Boruc is here to stay and… oh, hang
on a minute. I find it somewhat surreal
that we’ve given 36 year old reserve keeper, proven not good enough for this
league Kelvin Davis a 2 year extension on his contract which still had 15
months left to run. Just when I’d got
used to the fact that Don Nicola was running a ruthless killing machine
operation where those deemed not strong enough are fed to the lions, he goes
and hands out a contract which seems a sentimental award to a ‘really great
guy’ as I keep reading. Pochettino even
referred to him as ‘a great guy’. Hey,
Mauricio, I’m a great guy and I’m also not a good enough goalkeeper to play in
the Premier League – can I have a contract please, the fact I’m 44 isn’t an
issue is it? I’m not displeased that
Superkelv is hanging around but hopefully that’s all he’s doing and not playing
in goal for us any time soon. Just
imagine for a second if we’d let his contract run down for the next 15 months,
Superkelv would be nearly 38 and quite feasibly not played for the first team
in 18 months. Would you really offer a
new 2 year contract at that point?
Meanwhile, our best and only ‘fit for purpose’ keeper is into the last 3
months of his deal. Me. Not. Understand.
Mauricio has shuffled his pack again with Punch paying the
price for his abysmal performance against QPR to be replaced by J-Rod who was
decent in the aforementioned game. Luke
Shaw is back in place of the lame Fox and Big Jos is recalled with Maya having
to switch to right back to cover for the injured Clyne who is fit only for the
bench. I expected Steven Davis to start
today but he’s ill and as a result, the bench features some Bald Psycho. The Premier League in their wisdom have
decided to give us Mark Twattenburg as a ref which is a bit of a coincidence as
Saints v Norwich at SMS was his first game back after his suspension for the
false Chelsea racism claims. As I said
at the time, I felt sorry for him then but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s
a shite referee.
It’s pissing down at Carrow Road which, if Norwich have any
home grown players will suit them, what with being web-footed and all
that. As is usually the case these days,
Saints start the better and are soon knocking it about. We do however look a bit lopsided and the
Pochettino way of playing needs the full backs to bomb on. So, on one side we have the new Gareth Bale
and on the other we have a centre back who looks very uncomfortable when over
the half way line. The first promising
passing move ends with Maya crossing into what older fans call the ‘George
Lawrence Zone’ which is about Row 15 behind the goal.
Maybe it’s the rain making his shirt cling or maybe the kit
man’s given him a smaller shirt for a laugh but pantomime villain Grant Holt
looks really fat. “You’re just a fat
Rickie Lambert” rings out as he trashes Morgan and gets himself an early
booking. It’s all good at the moment and
Norwich aren’t getting near our goal but aside from one rising drive from
Lallana which was straight at Bunn and easy for him to tip over the bar, we’re having
moments but not getting near their goal either.
Adam once more is a couple of yards behind a decent Fonte cross and then
J-Rod breaks into space 25 yards out, looks up and almost caresses a shot high,
wide and bollocks and into a You Tube compilation of “The Worst Shots Ever”.
The pressing game is working well and we nick the ball and
create another good chance as Sir Rickie weights a lovely ball behind the
defence for Gaston to run onto. Bunn
comes out and is kind of in no mans land but Gaston’s attempted chip is six
inches too low and the keeper just about gets a touch. We’re half an hour in before Norwich have an attack of any meaning and
J-Rod puts in another forwards tackle and gives them a free kick 30 yards
out. Up steps our favourite miserable
bastard Robert Snodgrarse and hits a decent swerving free kick which Artur
manages to shovel wide of the post.
Snodgrarse has got his hands full today with trying to stop
Shaw down the left and in the main he’s failing as the main man leaves him in
his wake, burns the full back and forces Bunn to parry away his near post
effort. Shaw is heavily involved in an
incident just before half time as Norwich get a cross in from our right and he
clearly pulls back Holt as he goes for it.
Let’s just say I’ve seen them given and maybe we should be grateful for
Twattenburg not being a decent ref. When
Norwich pick the ball up on our left he proves that he’s a shit ref by giving a
free kick against Adam for handball on the edge of the box as Adam obviously
has arms growing out of the middle of his ribcage.
Half time and we should be winning but could be losing. We have once again failed to capitalise when
on top though and it’s getting annoying.
I can’t imagine Norwich will be that bad again in the second half
either. We start the second half well
with J-Rod doing what he does best these days and steaming down the left wing
leaving everyone in his wake before pulling the ball across the box. Bunn goes for it and misses it and Garrido
squirts a terrible clearance out to the edge of the box to where Lallana wafts
it first time over the bar instead of into the big open thing with a net on it
which has no one in it. Think Guly at
Stoke but worse.
The expected goal against the run of play nearly happens on
55 minutes as Howson’s cross is heading straight to Holt who may have pied it
over the bar but he never got the chance as Maya slid in towards his own goal
and manage to knock the ball calmly away from the gaping ‘OG’ to allow Artur to
pick it up. I was surprised that
Twattenburg didn’t give a backpass.
Having praised him for his decent play down the wing, J-Rod
proves that the weak part of his game is functioning as usual as a wonderful
pass from Gaston picks him out and J-Rod does what he does best and hit it
straight at the keeper with the rebound falling to the left foot of Sir Rickie
who blazed it over the bar. It’s more
or less Gaston’s last positive contribution as he’s removed on 70 minutes after
going into wayward mode as he got tired.
The replacement raised a few eyebrows as in the sleet and snow that was
now coming down, Mauricio decided that Guly might fancy it. The fair-weather, fully gloved up Brazilian’s
first touch was a simple knock back to Maya to enable him to clear it but
before that he had to stop Guly’s touch going for a corner and perform a 180
before wellying it clear as he got closed down.
Having rescued that situation, Maya is at it again big style
next as Hoolahan put Snodgrarse through and as he skipped round Artur and we
had the real possibility of the miserable moaning bastard scoring his second
goal of the season against us, in came the Ninja to clear everything out and
keep it at 0-0. As the game wound down,
Mauricio finally tired of the ineffective Lallana who was taken off and
replaced with JWP who in the 90th minute set up a glorious
opportunity by heading down a cross to the onrushing J-Rod and guess what he
did? That’s right, he shinned it
straight at he keeper.
We’re in injury time and Norwich get a free kick on the half
way line and lift it forward. Fatty pulls
Shaw’s arm to get behind him and then chases the ball. Shaw chases back, there is the minimum of
contact and the fat fuck collapses like a sack of shit. Twattenburg blew instantly and as he went
over I thought Holt was getting a second yellow and therefore sent off for
diving but the wanker pointed to the spot and the men in red went nuts. The lino who is looking straight at it hasn’t
given it but the Twatt has, from an angle where he cannot have possibly seen
any contact. He consults the lino who
must have said that he hasn’t seen it and then decides to give it anyway. Utter wanker.
Up steps the fat bastard and goes to his left. Arise King Artur – what a fucking save! The ball is still in play as Jose runs up to
Artur to congratulate him so Artur shoves him over and I assume, tells him to
watch the fucking ball.
Full time and though the penalty has been missed, no one is
happy with Twattenburg and Pochettino is on the pitch at the end, no doubt
practicing some of the Anglo-Saxon he’s learnt from the players.
So, we snatched a draw from the jaws of defeat which we
snatched from the jaws of victory which we didn’t take because despite
dominating the game, we pissed all our chances up the wall. It’s a brilliant save from King Artur and
it’s poetic justice that that fat bastard missed it after putting more effort
into falling on the ground for the penalty than he put in all match. The decision against Shaw was fucking
diabolical but Twattenburg is such an attention seeking whore that he was
always going to give it. The lino from
right next to it hasn’t given it but Twatt does from miles away. I bet in his mind he was thinking ‘92nd
minute, controversial, they’ll all be talking about me if I give it’ and sure
enough we were, the wanker. As it
turned put it didn’t count against us but that doesn’t change the fact that
Twattenburg is a shite referee, really really shite – every time we have him
he’s shite. You can’t have a referee who
wants it to be all about him. I guess that Mauricio was making this point after
he’d steamed onto the pitch and getting all finger pointy with him. I expect we’ll get in trouble for this – all
because Twattenburg is an appalling excuse for a referee.
Overall it’s like the Wigan game. In that game we did actually score after
dominating the game but the end feeling is the same – should have won, didn’t
win and the reason why? We missed a
hatful of chances that in the Premier League, you really have to take and our
line of attacking midfielders are not doing it.
Jay Rodriguez has improved as the season has gone on but does he ever
think of aiming at the gaps either side of the keeper and the correct side of
the posts. He’s so predictable, miles
wide or straight at the keeper who would save them even if he was blind as the
ball would just hit him square in the chest.
There’s a rumour that at the training ground, we stick one of those
wireframe figures in goal (you know, the ones used being the wall in free kick
practice) and J-Rod practices shooting by hitting the stationary keeper from
different point around the penalty area.
J-Rod does some great stuff running with the ball but £7 million for a
striker who will end the season with about 4 goals from 700 chances.
Talking of not many goals from hundreds of chances, Adam
Lallana is doing my head in. We all love
a local boy who sticks with the club and works up through the ranks but he’s
just not doing it at the moment. He’s
not the best at tracking back which invariably leaves his full-back exposed but
it’s his work in the final third which I have an issue with. His shooting is quite frankly, crap and since
he’s returned from injury he almost seems to be playing like he’s frightened of
getting into the box – it’s all in front of the defence and looks nice but
usually results in a pass sideways.
Stats for this season will show that our best spell of the season was
when he was out injured and that since he came back into the side we’ve lost,
lost and drawn. Obviously that’s not
down to one player but he has to do more – what is it, two goals this
season? The chance he missed today was
fucking rubbish and Guly got slaughtered from a very similar (but probably more
difficult) miss away in the Stoke air-raid.
Gaston had a decent first half today but as usual, he got knackered in
the second half and started giving the ball away. He at least looks like he might score which
puts him in my good books but how can a player we signed for £12million as a
‘playmaker dead ball specialist’, not take a corner and hit three in a row at
shin height. Punch has scored more goals
and had a better season than any of these players this season and he got on in
the 91st minute today but if I had to pick three of these players
for the next game, it would be him, J-Rod and Gaston.
For a vast majority of the game, in every aspect apart from
finishing we played very well today and deserved to win comfortably. It pisses me off that teams like Norwich are
above us in the league and looking down on us from a position of relative
safety. The point we got today moved us
a point further away from the relegation zone but there were wins for QPR today
against Sunderland (which keeps the Mackems in it a bit) and Villa managed to
win at Reading which sent Brian the Egg into blaming everybody else
meltdown. It’s all squeezing up and
getting nice and interesting – for everyone who is neutral. Me, I hate it! We seem to be very close to being a very good
side but in virtually every match, we manage to balls something up for ourselves
with some sort of malfunction – be it defending poorly like at Newcastle or
missing loads of chances like today.
Only occasionally do we manage to get both ends of the pitch right and
we get a performance like against Man City.
Personally I think we’re very close to getting it right but of course,
this year we need to survive.
Having only picked up one point from three games against
teams in the bottom half, we now have to try and pull out another Man City
performance in our next two games, both at home, Liverpool and Chelsea. Come on!
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