Premier League Match 30 - Southampton 3 Liverpool 1

Don't worry Glen, that Nathaniel Clyne doesn't play for a big club

The visit of Liverpool always stirs up a different kind of emotion that the visit of most teams for those of a certain age group – my age group to be exact.  Those who only really remember the Premiership Years will have Man United as their team to be shot at whereas those who remember the 80s will have an opinion on the Scousers.  For me, it’s the game I most want to win this season and I’m not really expecting us to.

Brendan Rodgers had a dodgy start as Liverpool manager as he tried to rebuild after the car crash of the period from Dalglish back to Benitez but he appears to be getting it right at he moment as they are scoring shedloads of goals and are now threatening the top 6 with Luis Suarez proving to be both one of the players of the season and one of the players that you’d never tire of hitting over the head with a shovel.  They of course have loads of England international players with regulars like Gerrard and Johnson and fringe players like Sturridge, Henderson and Downing.  I hear that Roy Hodgson is in the crowd today to check up on his Liverpool contingent but more on him later.  Rodgers had to try and buck a trend of spending stupid money on average players but this season he’s shelled out about £40million on Sturridge, Joe Allen and the injured (but shit) Fabio Borini.  So overall, it doesn’t look like the lessons are being learnt as they continue on their quest to try and get back to where they were. 

King Artur was not offered a new contract yet and Saints had quite a quiet week aside from getting fined £20 grand for surrounding the ref last week and asking why Twattenburg is an attention seeking dickhead.  I wonder who actually pays that fine – will Don Cortese be happy to pay given that the players and manager were fighting for his cause or will there be an extra quid on car parking and booking fees for next season?  Taking of Twattenburg – he was supposed to be refereeing Man United versus Reading this weekend but is “injured”.  It’s hard not to be cynical – I doubt this is the case but I hope for the sake of the game that he’s been dropped for a week for being shite.   In other news, Chappers was loaned out to Millwall becoming the latest casualty of our “too much too soon” rise up the leagues which has claimed Billy Sharp, Dean Hammond, Dan Seaborne, Aaron Martin, Ryan Dickson and Tadanari Lee amongst others.

The Liverpool fans inside the ground had quite a few banners which all carried the increasingly popular “Against Modern Football” slogan.  Whilst I agree with the sentiment regarding the pricing and the lack of standing areas etc, I guess all Liverpool fans yearn for the days before modern football when they used to regularly win stuff.

The team news sees just the one change for us with Nathaniel Clyne coming in at right back but perhaps surprisingly, it’s Jose on the bench and Big Jos in the team.  I’m trying not to think about Big Jos coming up against a certain twisting and turning diving little shite.  My low expectations changed when I head the Liverpool line up.  Brad Jones in goal is 2^nd choice and very average and the defence is weak with Johnson and Enrique not being the best of defenders and Skrtel and Agger have been average for years.  A midfield of Downing (very very average), Gerrard (great player but on the way down), Allen (just poor really) and Coutinho (getting used to English game) were nothing to be worried too much about and Sturridge up front is either brilliant or shite.  I felt that if we could stop Suarez seeing too much of the ball then we’d have a decent shout.

Adam Lallana, still in the team following last weeks opengoalgate, creates the first chance of the day in getting in a cross from the left which Gaston met with a falling volley which was unconvincingly scooped up by Brad Jones.  The cross came in thanks in part to a lack or Glenn Johnson and within five minutes he’s standing around watching as we go 1-0 up.  Corky pings a ball out to the right to where Sir Rickie has peeled away from Agger.  He plays it back to Gaston whose cross to the back post sees J-Rod, totally unimpeded by the ex-Skate, head it down to the arriving Morgan who flicks it into the net with the outside of his right boot.  Lovely stuff.  It was brilliant play from all the players involved and encouraging from the point of view of abysmal attempts to cope with it all from Liverpool.  Neither Gerrard nor Allen tracked Morgan’s run and the less said about Johnson’s attempt to stop J-Rod the better.

We’re swarming all over them and they’re not settling at all.  After winning the ball back about 30 yards from goal, Gaston weights a lovely ball through to Sir Rickie who has beaten Agger’s one man attempted offside trap but he seems to take an age to realise it and by the time he has, Jones has come out to smother.  Gaston is generally playing like he’s on fire and becomes the next Saints player to take the piss out of Johnson as he dances round him and from a very tight position manages to fire over a superb cross which flashes across the goal.

The first threat for Liverpool comes from Coutinho on the left who attempts to take on Clyne for pace and ha ha ha.  Nice effort son, no chance.  It’s hard to recall Suarez or Sturridge touching the ball at this point but we’re soon back on the front foot, again down the left as Shaw and Lallana combine to put the latter in on goal from a tight angle.  His cross is parried up in the air by Jones but comes down on top of J-Rod who has his back to goal and manages to hook it over an open goal from about 6 yards.  Oh for Fucks sake. 

Saints are coping well at the back with any sporadic Liverpool pressure with Big Jos pinging some decent balls forward and Maya mopping up any threat with his excellent reading of the game.  Artur has a bit of a walkabout but is back in his goal by the time Sturridge tries a shot from 40 yards and the first real danger is averted when the lino spots that Big Jos has not just fallen over in a chase for the ball with Suarez but that he’s been trodden on by the striker.  Suarez predictably chucks the toys out and we have arm waving and pointing a-plenty.  I’ve had pops at Webb and Twattenburg in recent weeks but in my opinion, Phil Dowd handles this well by calling Suarez over and Steven Gerrard the skipper and telling him to shut the fuck up.  However, the card should have come out as Suarez then carried on doing the arm waving stampy dissent dance.  It soon turns out that Big Jos has picked up and injury as he goes down with seemingly no one near him and has to be replaced with Jose Fonte.  Looks like you may have caught him after all Mr Suarez.

During the delay as Big Jos goes off, Sir Rickie has come back to have a word with the ref, presumably about Skrtel’s mountaineering every time the ball is in the air.  Sir Rickie is probably explaining that it’s difficult to compete for the ball with a man resembling Frankenstein’s monster draped over your shoulders.  Artur belts the restart forward, Frankenstein goes mountaineering with arms all over the place and we get a free kick 35 yards out.  Up steps Sir Rickie to hit it and Sturridge in the wall bottles it, turns his back and deflects it past Jones and into the corner of the net with his arse.  A bit fortunate but no more than we deserve.  Its nearly three a couple of minutes later as J-Rod controls another pass from Gaston and hits an excellent effort first time which slides inches wide of the post.  I know I crap on about his finishing but this was a really good instinctive effort.  Maybe it’s only when he has time to think that he hits it straight at the keeper.

There are fifteen minutes to go and it’s following the pattern of the Man City home game of a few weeks back – we are 2-0 up and have to keep it that way until half time.  Liverpool have woken up a bit now with Coutinho floating around on both wings which allows Downing to stand around doing sod all in a different part of the pitch.  Coutinho fires in a dangerous cross which is expertly defended by the sliding Jose Fonte and then manages to get clean through but he really didn’t look like he fancied it as the King pulls out the starjump and blocks well.

It’s a constant source of irritation to me of how I have managed to get a season ticket in the moron zone in the Kingsland.  I promise you that there’s no discount for sitting here.   One bloke behind me has no “DAAAAAAAAAAAAVIS” to shout at any more but he’s in full tirade mode as Morgan plays just about his first errant pass of the season to mess up a break.  “SORTITAHHHHHHT” is the intelligent observation.  We win the ball back and pass it around and he evokes the ghost of Dave Bassett with his ‘FOREWAAAAAAAAAARDS” advice.  Reality check please Mr Moron – we’re 2-0 up against Liverpool…. But not for long.

Typical Saints, we can’t hang on and Liverpool undeservedly score as Downing’s cross is headed back by Gerrard, it pings around a bit and lands at the feet of Coutinho who can’t miss and he doesn’t to make it 2-1 which flatters Liverpool big style as the teams go off for half time.  It’s disappointing but overall the lads have been brilliant.

Half time and the game is now definitely mirroring the Man City game with the goal against just before the break.  I’m pondering this despite the ridiculous amount of noise being generated by the biblical hail storm smashing onto the roof.  “Against Modern Football” you say... I guess we don’t want uncovered terraces again then. 

Joe Allen is off at the start of the second half to be replaced by the equally average Lucas Leiva.  When they signed him and for about two seasons afterwards, Lucas was seen as a terrible player, not fit to wear the shirt etc etc but as the team declined and Benitez stupidly sold Xabi Alonso, he suddenly became irreplaceable.  Before today I’d only seen Joe Allen play once which was in the Olympics where I noticed he gave the ball away six times in a row.  Well worth the millions Brendan paid for him.

As the game restarts, Suarez is looking lively and hunting for the ball.  He gets it out on the left and tries to switch play and hits a wonderful ball straight to Johnson at right back who misses it altogether and it goes out for a throw-in.  It’s hard not to feel sorry for Suarez with the ineptitude of Johnson but I manage it.

Ten minutes meander by with Liverpool on top in general and so Mauricio summons Steven Davis from the bench and replaces Gaston who is a little unfortunate to have been removed seeing how well he’s played.  Deployed on the right wing today, Gaston put in his best performance for a while but I guess Pochettino is pre-empting the inevitable running-out-of-gas which would have happened in the next ten minutes or so.

The other side of Suarez comes to the fore straight afterwards as he takes on Clyne for pace and predictably loses in a heavy tackle.  There’s a pat for Clyne as if to say “good tackle” and there’s no histrionics either when a chip over the top just skips away from him off the turf and Artur comes flying out to claim it before the Uruguayan. Suarez completes his cameo 20 minutes with a free kick from roughly the same position that Sir Rickie scored his from but King Artur took it cleanly and held it which with the wind and rain, was an excellent save.

The introduction of Davis has the desired effect and Saints take over proceedings again and begin to make chances again.  Clyne is worked into space behind Enrique and his cross is missed by Skrtel and sliced over his own bar for a corner by Johnson – an own goal at that point would have been particularly amusing.  More superb play down the left between Shaw, Morgan and Lallana sees Lallana bearing down on goal and try to chip the oncoming Jones who gets a touch and makes a decent save.  Someone in the moron zone actually shouts “ANDBALLL” as the goalkeeper saves it.  Unbelievable Jeff.

Ten minutes to go and J-Rod picks up the ball in the centre circle and sets off towards goal.  He leaves Lucas in his wake and then waltzes round Skrtel as if he’s not there before doing his usual and hitting it straight at Jones.  Mercifully the rebound comes straight back out to J-Rod who rolls it into the empty net to make it 3-1 and you would think, game over.

Rodgers settles for a 3-1 defeat by bringing on Henderson for the incredibly disappointing Sturridge and we send on Guly for Lallana who has had a superb game, shooting aside of course.  There is only one incident of note in the last few minutes as Johnson goes round Guly on our left as if he wasn’t there and stands up a cross which Enrique meets at the back post and hits into the side netting.  When watching the highlights later on ‘Saints Player’ – Dave Merrington describes Guly as a ‘waste of space’ which is harsh but in that particular incident, entirely fair and quite funny.

The final action in the game involves Suarez dancing around in front of King Artur who is trying to kick the ball out.  It’s the sort of thing that 8 year olds do until you tell them not to but Suarez keeps at it until the King clears the ball with a look of mild amusement on his face and then Dowd gives Suarez a yellow card for ungentlemanly conduct and/or being a knob.  The indignation shown by Suarez gives you the impression that he may not be the sharpest tool in the box.

Full time and get the fuck in there.  Much has been made of our pressing style and Liverpool were the perfect opposition for it to work.  They will try and play football so they won’t hit us quickly on the break but they aren’t good enough to keep the ball away from us and pass through us.  Our midfield totally outplayed theirs with Gerrard being left on his own by the pathetic Allen and the almost as bad Lucas to try and deal with Corky and Morgan, ably supported by Gaston, Steve Davis and Lallana.  Every player we had out there today (with the possible exception of the “waste of space”) put in an 8/10 performance at least.

Mauricio was buzzing in the press conference afterwards and most interesting for me was the revelation that he went mad at half time over the goal we conceded.  To me, this is good to know.  Sir Rickie was all over scoring against his boyhood heroes and all is well with the world.  The King was excellent in his handling in atrocious conditions for a keeper and Clyne and Shaw were immense, as were all three centre backs who were used.  Having not done it at all last week, the three attacking midfielders were superb with Lallana once again looking like the player who got called up for England at the start of the year.  The biggest revelation though was J-Rod who thoroughly deserved his bit of luck for his goal for the immense work he did around the pitch.  I just wish his finishing was better but it’s churlish to worry about it today.

Elsewhere, Villa beat QPR so we won’t have a week of ‘Arry fawning in the media and all this Harry Houdini bollocks which has got rather nauseating in the last couple of weeks. Wigan had a result given to them by poor refereeing against Newcastle as they should have had a player sent off on 20 minutes for a horror challenge but the ref missed it and then he missed a blatant handball in the build up to their 90^th minute winner.  So, it could have been 7 points clear but now it’s 4.  On the plus side, Sunderland are now right in it after failing to win at home against a Norwich side who had their keeper sent off after 20 minutes. 

As for Roy Hodgson, well if I was you mate I’d take Sturridge, Downing, Gerrard, and Johnson out of your squad and replace them like-for-like with Lambert, Lallana, Cork and Clyne.  By doing that you’d be getting an injection of new blood and players in form.  You won’t though will you, you’ll recall the likes of Rio Ferdinand who this week has sarcastically applauded in a referees face and then kicked a player off the ball.  Funny how he never got charged by the FA for that when he was about to be recalled for a big match against San Marino.  I have never felt more disassociated with the England team in about 35 years of following them.

Anyway, back to the mighty SFC and a two week break before we play Chelsea at home.  They will be beginning a run of 3 games in 5 days with the others being an FA Cup Semi Final against Man United and a Europa Cup Quarter Final.  Hopefully they’ll play a weakened side against us, with Torres in it.

Premier League Match 29 - Norwich 0 Southampton 0

Twattenburg takes the heat off of J-Rod and Lallana

A trip to out-of-form Norwich in the league who have managed to only win one game in their last 8 but are still in a position that we would kill for.  Grant Holt has found goals harder to come by this season and when you see the size of him you can see why.  Perhaps his new contract included a bonus clause where he gets paid a proportion of a salary in pies and cakes from Delia Smith.  They have ex-Saints Andrew Surman in their ranks who hardly seems to play and they have Anthony Pilkington who was in League 1 with Huddersfield at the same time that we were there.  It’s Chris Hughton’s first season after Paul Lambert walked out on them and he’s keeping his head above water so far.  Their deadline day signing of Luciano Becchio made me smile though – he’s shit but he’s from Leeds like Johnny Howson, moaning scrote Robert Snodgrarse and about half the rest of their squad.

The major news for the week for us was that we sorted out our goalkeepers contract and tied him down for another two years.  So, Artur Boruc is here to stay and… oh, hang on a minute.  I find it somewhat surreal that we’ve given 36 year old reserve keeper, proven not good enough for this league Kelvin Davis a 2 year extension on his contract which still had 15 months left to run.  Just when I’d got used to the fact that Don Nicola was running a ruthless killing machine operation where those deemed not strong enough are fed to the lions, he goes and hands out a contract which seems a sentimental award to a ‘really great guy’ as I keep reading.  Pochettino even referred to him as ‘a great guy’.  Hey, Mauricio, I’m a great guy and I’m also not a good enough goalkeeper to play in the Premier League – can I have a contract please, the fact I’m 44 isn’t an issue is it?  I’m not displeased that Superkelv is hanging around but hopefully that’s all he’s doing and not playing in goal for us any time soon.  Just imagine for a second if we’d let his contract run down for the next 15 months, Superkelv would be nearly 38 and quite feasibly not played for the first team in 18 months.  Would you really offer a new 2 year contract at that point?  Meanwhile, our best and only ‘fit for purpose’ keeper is into the last 3 months of his deal.  Me. Not. Understand.

Mauricio has shuffled his pack again with Punch paying the price for his abysmal performance against QPR to be replaced by J-Rod who was decent in the aforementioned game.  Luke Shaw is back in place of the lame Fox and Big Jos is recalled with Maya having to switch to right back to cover for the injured Clyne who is fit only for the bench.  I expected Steven Davis to start today but he’s ill and as a result, the bench features some Bald Psycho.  The Premier League in their wisdom have decided to give us Mark Twattenburg as a ref which is a bit of a coincidence as Saints v Norwich at SMS was his first game back after his suspension for the false Chelsea racism claims.  As I said at the time, I felt sorry for him then but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s a shite referee.

It’s pissing down at Carrow Road which, if Norwich have any home grown players will suit them, what with being web-footed and all that.  As is usually the case these days, Saints start the better and are soon knocking it about.  We do however look a bit lopsided and the Pochettino way of playing needs the full backs to bomb on.  So, on one side we have the new Gareth Bale and on the other we have a centre back who looks very uncomfortable when over the half way line.  The first promising passing move ends with Maya crossing into what older fans call the ‘George Lawrence Zone’ which is about Row 15 behind the goal.

Maybe it’s the rain making his shirt cling or maybe the kit man’s given him a smaller shirt for a laugh but pantomime villain Grant Holt looks really fat.  “You’re just a fat Rickie Lambert” rings out as he trashes Morgan and gets himself an early booking.  It’s all good at the moment and Norwich aren’t getting near our goal but aside from one rising drive from Lallana which was straight at Bunn and easy for him to tip over the bar, we’re having moments but not getting near their goal either.  Adam once more is a couple of yards behind a decent Fonte cross and then J-Rod breaks into space 25 yards out, looks up and almost caresses a shot high, wide and bollocks and into a You Tube compilation of “The Worst Shots Ever”.

The pressing game is working well and we nick the ball and create another good chance as Sir Rickie weights a lovely ball behind the defence for Gaston to run onto.  Bunn comes out and is kind of in no mans land but Gaston’s attempted chip is six inches too low and the keeper just about gets a touch.  We’re half an hour in before Norwich have an attack of any meaning and J-Rod puts in another forwards tackle and gives them a free kick 30 yards out.  Up steps our favourite miserable bastard Robert Snodgrarse and hits a decent swerving free kick which Artur manages to shovel wide of the post.

Snodgrarse has got his hands full today with trying to stop Shaw down the left and in the main he’s failing as the main man leaves him in his wake, burns the full back and forces Bunn to parry away his near post effort.  Shaw is heavily involved in an incident just before half time as Norwich get a cross in from our right and he clearly pulls back Holt as he goes for it.  Let’s just say I’ve seen them given and maybe we should be grateful for Twattenburg not being a decent ref.  When Norwich pick the ball up on our left he proves that he’s a shit ref by giving a free kick against Adam for handball on the edge of the box as Adam obviously has arms growing out of the middle of his ribcage.

Half time and we should be winning but could be losing.  We have once again failed to capitalise when on top though and it’s getting annoying.  I can’t imagine Norwich will be that bad again in the second half either.  We start the second half well with J-Rod doing what he does best these days and steaming down the left wing leaving everyone in his wake before pulling the ball across the box.  Bunn goes for it and misses it and Garrido squirts a terrible clearance out to the edge of the box to where Lallana wafts it first time over the bar instead of into the big open thing with a net on it which has no one in it.  Think Guly at Stoke but worse.  

The expected goal against the run of play nearly happens on 55 minutes as Howson’s cross is heading straight to Holt who may have pied it over the bar but he never got the chance as Maya slid in towards his own goal and manage to knock the ball calmly away from the gaping ‘OG’ to allow Artur to pick it up.  I was surprised that Twattenburg didn’t give a backpass.

Having praised him for his decent play down the wing, J-Rod proves that the weak part of his game is functioning as usual as a wonderful pass from Gaston picks him out and J-Rod does what he does best and hit it straight at the keeper with the rebound falling to the left foot of Sir Rickie who blazed it over the bar.   It’s more or less Gaston’s last positive contribution as he’s removed on 70 minutes after going into wayward mode as he got tired.  The replacement raised a few eyebrows as in the sleet and snow that was now coming down, Mauricio decided that Guly might fancy it.  The fair-weather, fully gloved up Brazilian’s first touch was a simple knock back to Maya to enable him to clear it but before that he had to stop Guly’s touch going for a corner and perform a 180 before wellying it clear as he got closed down.

Having rescued that situation, Maya is at it again big style next as Hoolahan put Snodgrarse through and as he skipped round Artur and we had the real possibility of the miserable moaning bastard scoring his second goal of the season against us, in came the Ninja to clear everything out and keep it at 0-0.  As the game wound down, Mauricio finally tired of the ineffective Lallana who was taken off and replaced with JWP who in the 90^th minute set up a glorious opportunity by heading down a cross to the onrushing J-Rod and guess what he did?  That’s right, he shinned it straight at he keeper.

We’re in injury time and Norwich get a free kick on the half way line and lift it forward.  Fatty pulls Shaw’s arm to get behind him and then chases the ball.  Shaw chases back, there is the minimum of contact and the fat fuck collapses like a sack of shit.  Twattenburg blew instantly and as he went over I thought Holt was getting a second yellow and therefore sent off for diving but the wanker pointed to the spot and the men in red went nuts.  The lino who is looking straight at it hasn’t given it but the Twatt has, from an angle where he cannot have possibly seen any contact.  He consults the lino who must have said that he hasn’t seen it and then decides to give it anyway.  Utter wanker.  Up steps the fat bastard and goes to his left.  Arise King Artur – what a fucking save!  The ball is still in play as Jose runs up to Artur to congratulate him so Artur shoves him over and I assume, tells him to watch the fucking ball.

Full time and though the penalty has been missed, no one is happy with Twattenburg and Pochettino is on the pitch at the end, no doubt practicing some of the Anglo-Saxon he’s learnt from the players.

So, we snatched a draw from the jaws of defeat which we snatched from the jaws of victory which we didn’t take because despite dominating the game, we pissed all our chances up the wall.  It’s a brilliant save from King Artur and it’s poetic justice that that fat bastard missed it after putting more effort into falling on the ground for the penalty than he put in all match.  The decision against Shaw was fucking diabolical but Twattenburg is such an attention seeking whore that he was always going to give it.  The lino from right next to it hasn’t given it but Twatt does from miles away.  I bet in his mind he was thinking ‘92^nd minute, controversial, they’ll all be talking about me if I give it’ and sure enough we were, the wanker.   As it turned put it didn’t count against us but that doesn’t change the fact that Twattenburg is a shite referee, really really shite – every time we have him he’s shite.  You can’t have a referee who wants it to be all about him. I guess that Mauricio was making this point after he’d steamed onto the pitch and getting all finger pointy with him.  I expect we’ll get in trouble for this – all because Twattenburg is an appalling excuse for a referee.

Overall it’s like the Wigan game.  In that game we did actually score after dominating the game but the end feeling is the same – should have won, didn’t win and the reason why?  We missed a hatful of chances that in the Premier League, you really have to take and our line of attacking midfielders are not doing it.  Jay Rodriguez has improved as the season has gone on but does he ever think of aiming at the gaps either side of the keeper and the correct side of the posts.  He’s so predictable, miles wide or straight at the keeper who would save them even if he was blind as the ball would just hit him square in the chest.  There’s a rumour that at the training ground, we stick one of those wireframe figures in goal (you know, the ones used being the wall in free kick practice) and J-Rod practices shooting by hitting the stationary keeper from different point around the penalty area.  J-Rod does some great stuff running with the ball but £7 million for a striker who will end the season with about 4 goals from 700 chances. 

Talking of not many goals from hundreds of chances, Adam Lallana is doing my head in.  We all love a local boy who sticks with the club and works up through the ranks but he’s just not doing it at the moment.  He’s not the best at tracking back which invariably leaves his full-back exposed but it’s his work in the final third which I have an issue with.  His shooting is quite frankly, crap and since he’s returned from injury he almost seems to be playing like he’s frightened of getting into the box – it’s all in front of the defence and looks nice but usually results in a pass sideways.  Stats for this season will show that our best spell of the season was when he was out injured and that since he came back into the side we’ve lost, lost and drawn.   Obviously that’s not down to one player but he has to do more – what is it, two goals this season?  The chance he missed today was fucking rubbish and Guly got slaughtered from a very similar (but probably more difficult) miss away in the Stoke air-raid.  Gaston had a decent first half today but as usual, he got knackered in the second half and started giving the ball away.  He at least looks like he might score which puts him in my good books but how can a player we signed for £12million as a ‘playmaker dead ball specialist’, not take a corner and hit three in a row at shin height.  Punch has scored more goals and had a better season than any of these players this season and he got on in the 91^st minute today but if I had to pick three of these players for the next game, it would be him, J-Rod and Gaston.

For a vast majority of the game, in every aspect apart from finishing we played very well today and deserved to win comfortably.  It pisses me off that teams like Norwich are above us in the league and looking down on us from a position of relative safety.  The point we got today moved us a point further away from the relegation zone but there were wins for QPR today against Sunderland (which keeps the Mackems in it a bit) and Villa managed to win at Reading which sent Brian the Egg into blaming everybody else meltdown.  It’s all squeezing up and getting nice and interesting – for everyone who is neutral.  Me, I hate it!  We seem to be very close to being a very good side but in virtually every match, we manage to balls something up for ourselves with some sort of malfunction – be it defending poorly like at Newcastle or missing loads of chances like today.  Only occasionally do we manage to get both ends of the pitch right and we get a performance like against Man City.  Personally I think we’re very close to getting it right but of course, this year we need to survive.

Having only picked up one point from three games against teams in the bottom half, we now have to try and pull out another Man City performance in our next two games, both at home, Liverpool and Chelsea.  Come on!

Premier League Match 28 - Southampton 1 QPR 2

OK Bothroyd, 6 more fouls before I even think about a second yellow

Today was to be the Return of the Prodigal Son to one of his Spiritual Homes.  A Spiritual Home by the way, is defined as ‘any football club that can be commuted to from Sandbanks’.  Yes, Harry Redknapp is in town with his QPR side who are bottom of the league.  Not that anyone cares but it’s his birthday today and the only reason we know this is because of the amount of media fawning that goes on over the man.  It’s Mauricio Pochettino’s birthday as well and no one really cares about that either.

So, we had the return of Redknapp blah blah blah and more importantly, the chance to get three points against QPR.  In our last home game we beat the champions and so today’s match against a side almost certain to be relegated should be a doddle.  Somehow I knew it wasn’t going to be.  This is Southampton FC we are talking about.  There has been some positive news this week in that both Morgan Schneiderlin and Jason Puncheon have signed new contracts, which was a bit of a surprise to me as I expected us to want to know what division we are in next season before dishing out any new deals.  Regardless, it has to be good news.  In a final bit of pre-match news, I have a stinking cold so I apologise to anyone in the Kingsland who I may sneeze over.

If anything was predictable about today it’s that the second Redknapp appears on the QPR bench, then the chants from the Northam start.  Sloop John B is the tune and “we fucking hate you” is the lyric.  Let’s just get on with the game shall we.  Mauricio has shuffled the pack a bit with Punch returning in place of J-Rod, Gaston instead of Steve Davis, Jose for Big Jos and Luke Shaw is only fit enough for the bench and so Danny Fox is given a start as a reward for his match-turning performance at Newcastle last week.  Redknapp has selected England international Jay Bothroyd up front.  Yeah, you try and say “England International Jay Bothroyd” without laughing.

When we were in the Championship, we quite often had games won with three minutes to go and we then played a game whereby Corky had a shot and you had to guess which seat behind the goal it would land in or which advertising board it would hit.  The game got changed a bit today and he had our first shot but sadly, the result was the same as it scuffed wide and hit Bet365.  Lallana lashes wide after a long period of possession, which the Northam End booed right the way through.  Of course it was aimed at Redknapp who was stood up in the technical area but surely it’s better to support the efforts of you own team? We really should have taken the lead though when minutes as Sir Rickie got his head on a floated cross from Gaston and headed down to where Punch was shoved over by Mbia as the ball rolled along the six yard line.  Question for Howard Webb – How did Punch miss the ball?

We’re looking good and QPR are looking organized but uninspiring and I’m giving forth the opinion that if we get the first goal then they’ll crumble and we’ll win quite comfortably.  Then we get caught out horribly by a long diagonal ball from the left by Hoillet which floats over Foxy to Loic Remy.  Bizarrely, Foxy runs to the goal line and so the first Saints player to confront Remy is Artur and Remy smashes it past him and into the net despite Foxy’s admittedly decent effort to keep it out.  Having suspected that QPR would not have the spirit to chase the game if they were behind, it’s obvious that they have a tactic for defending a lead and this is to kick the shit out of anything that moves.  Still, we should be alright as we’ve got World Cup referee Howard Webb in charge today which is a surprise in itself as this game has no bearing on Manchester United in any way.

QPR are playing us at our own game a bit by closing us down and in response, we’re continually passing sideways and not getting anywhere until someone decides to hit it long at Sir Rickie who is 6 foot 3 but he may as well be 4 ft 3 playing against Chris Samba who is some unit and he’ll be happy all day if all he has to do is head away balls that are coming straight at him.  Meanwhile, QPR’s kick-to-kill approach goes too far as Clyne passes the ball infield and Bothroyd completely wipes him out.  All that can be said in its defence is that it’s one-footed but it’s late and high and nasty and it should have been a red card.  With acceptable standard of tackling established by Mr Webb, Mbia now has carte blanche to steam through Morgan and only pick up a yellow card.

Gaston is looking decent for us and is working hard but not looking decent are Sir Rickie, Punch and Lallana who are really giving us nothing at all and we really don’t look like getting back into this anytime soon.  To be fair to us though, its hard to get any flowing football going when you are being fouled every thirty seconds and Traore becomes the third player to go into the book for hauling back Punch as he looked to get in behind him.   Next up we have a collision between Clint Hill and Lallana which Webb evidently didn’t see.  The Saints players who were nearby were not happy with the challenge and lets put it this way, Lallana was looking at the ball that was out on the right wing and Hill was looking straight at Lallana.

Bothroyd keeps fouling people without any danger of picking up a second yellow before Lallana, who evidently doesn’t know what day it is, has to be substituted and replaced with J-Rod.  If you were being unkind, you could say that Adam didn’t appear to know which way he was kicking before he got the smack round the head.  J-Rod’s introduction brings a more direct approach and right on half time we get back into it as J-Rod hammers in a shot from 30 yards, Cesar makes a total bollocks of it shovelling it back into play and Gaston is there to deftly chip it over the prone keeper to make it 1-1.  If the ball was a cake then Cesar would have swallowed it up.  There is just time for Jose to go into the book for blocking off a run by Bothroyd – it’s a really obvious and deserved booking so it’s therefore a bit of a surprise that Howard Webb spots it.  I’d just like to say, Well done Howard.

Half time and after a few games where they’ve not been as irritating, the Chuckle Brothers are back in town or one of them is anyway.  We’ve had “Licky Rambert” and “Cack Jork” and other classics like “bolling rall” and “cellow yard”.  All deeply funny and hilarious and you could count the people who were laughing at it on the toes of a South African athlete who has recently shot his girlfriend.  As I mentioned, I’m not feeling well and am pondering how I can make a deliberate spoonerism out of “Shut the Fuck Up”.

It’s Saints on the front foot again in the second half but again it’s all from long range and not much going on in the final third.  Our first effort to worry Cesar is from that lethal striker Jose Fonte who latches onto a loose ball about 25 yards our and lashes it just wide of the near post.  It’s fair to say that our most threatening attacking player is J-Rod and he picks up the ball on the left hand edge of the box after decent play by Foxy and curls one over Cesar and sadly, just over the bar as well.

On the hour mark, QPR make it into our half and Foxy manages to injure himself and so Shaw is on.  He links up with J-Rod ten minutes later who continues his one man mission to carry our attack by hammering in another shot which bounces in front of Cesar and he once again shovels it back into play but there’s no one there.  The timewasting has started now oh yes.  Cesar got a dead leg in an earlier challenge but it doesn’t take 5 minutes to get off the sodding pitch does it?  Rob Green comes on to replace him.  James Ward-Prowse comes on for the clearly tiring Gaston which is not a substitution I’d have made with Steven Davis still on the bench.

With 12 minutes to go, the Gods of Football take a dump on us again as Ji Sung Park picks up a loose ball on the right and drives forward.  Yoshida is favourite to win the ball but he goes into the tackle with his wrong foot and Park slides in and keeps the ball, then crossing along the six yard line for Bothroyd to tap into an empty net.  Fucking hell.  Two shots, two goals.

Mbia keeps fouling people and getting away with it and Bosingwa in particular is taking the piss with timewasting at throw-ins.  I lose count of the times Howard Webb tells him to get on with it whilst pointing to his watch and doesn’t book him.  We have a brief flurry with five minutes to go and a JWP corner is well met by Maya but typical of our luck today, Green pulls off a superb one handed reaction save to claw it away and I don’t reckon fatty would have saved that.  6 minutes of injury time is shown on the 4^th officials board and I notice Clint Hill going nuts at Webb whilst the game is going on.  What the fuck did you expect you moron?  He needn’t have worried though as we produce the square root of fuck all in those 6 minutes, not even forcing Green to touch the ball and so the game died with a whimper.

Having made my way from the ground, I got back to the car in time to hear Pochettino’s interview but I couldn’t be arsed with it and switched it off.  I’ll read it later so I don’t have to listen to five minutes of Spanish before the interpreter gives a one line answer.  Jose Fonte was put forward as the player to be interviewed and he pointed out that we controlled the game which we did – unfortunately Jose we did next to sod all with the possession we had.  I found it interesting though that he pointedly blamed the lack of movement up front and this is spot on.  Sir Rickie and Punch had shocking games and Lallana wasn’t much better when he was on.  J-Rod was decent and Gaston was ok until he got tired.  The stats say that we had 19 shots in this game – what it doesn’t say is that apart from Maya’s header at the end, none were from closer than 25 yards.

I guess you can conclude that QPR defended their box well and they did but we didn’t make them work.  Bosingwa and Traore and not good defenders and Hill is a Championship player.  Only Samba is decent and he’s especially decent if you just lob balls up for him to head away.  You can’t knock QPR’s approach – they are in the last chance saloon and they battled for 96 minutes and nicked the result.  They’ll have to do more than that to get enough results to stay up (you won’t have 2 shots and score 2 goals every day) but today, what they did was enough.

I guess it’s time to start talking about League Tables as we enter the final stretch – well, we’re three points and a better goal difference above the third bottom side and if today has told you anything, it’s that the relegation battle is going to the last match of the season for us – it’s the Southampton Way and needs to be incorporated into the new Ipad App of the same name.

I will now avoid Match of The Day, avoid Saintsweb and avoid Twitter as my day has been bad enough without bedwetting and Redknapp fawning in the media.  As for Redknapp – I don’t really understand how we can support the team straight after Nigel Adkins got sacked and then spend most of the game baiting Redknapp (who won’t have cared in the slightest).  For me it’s something that happened 8 years ago and whilst I’ll never really like the man, I can’t be arsed with getting too hot under to collar about something that happened 8 years ago.  We’re in a better place than when he arrived and in a better place than when he left.  However, we now have some serious work to do over the final 11 matches to ensure that this better place is retained for next year.  To paraphrase Alex Ferguson…”Football!....fucking shit bollocks”.

Next up, Norwich away who will be looking at beating us as a way of putting some serious daylight between themselves and the bottom 3.  I’d take a point now but you know that we’ll go out to win it as is the way with Pochettino’s style of football.