Premier League Match 22 - Chelsea 2 Southampton 2

"It no' fair - Nigel, he have better subs than me"

I’m not looking forward to this.  When your game in hand is against Chelsea away and there are no other league games that night, you know that a lot of people are looking on an expecting you to get thumped.  This is of course especially true given the 5-1 gubbing they gave us at St.Marys’ in the FA Cup all of 10 days ago.  On the plus side, I’m sure we’ll try tonight and not leave out our two best attacking players like we did in the FA Cup game.  Also, Chelsea are struggling a bit at home in the league, going all of one game without a win which was a freak 0-1 defeat at home to QPR.  That really is the extent of their ‘struggles’ as the home game before that was an 8-0 win. 

Saints have been linked with all sorts of players in the last few days which will of course have varying degrees of validity.  The most likely looks like Vegard Forren, a Norwegian international centre back who according to the Twittersphere is all but signed from Molde.  He was invited for a trial at Liverpool but, as he's perfectly entitled to do as an international, he told them to do one.  Who the fuck do they think they are?  Then you have Frederik Sorenson, a Danish centre back who is currently in some sort of dual ownership contract with Juventus and Bologna.  This one sounds like a nightmare so if it happens, it won’t be until the 47^th of January.  Next we have Mauro Zarate of Lazio, an Argentinean forward who once played for Birmingham and finally and most improbably, Seba Fernandez of Malaga, a 5 foot 5 striker who is Gaston’s best mate.  Hmmmm, do the names Kleber Chala and Imants Bleidelis ring any bells?  All these players are of course in the Italian League because The Don picks all the transfer targets...except the lad in Norway...oh, and the one in Spain.

Surprisingly, Chelsea have the same manager as they had 10 days ago at SMS in Rafa Benitez, who I have always found an easy manager to ridicule given that he lived off of winning the Champions League with someone elses team for about 7 years at Liverpool and started the trend of buying shit players for too much money which they still live by today.   I also like the way that he cracks up under pressure and starts interviewing himself like he’s some sort of ventriloquist with a glove puppet on each hand.  It’s not his fault however, that Chelsea paid £50 million quid for Fernando Torres but it’s Rafa’s job to get him scoring goals again and looking like a footballer again.  At the moment, it appears that his way of doing this is to buy another centre forward and drop him.

Chelsea’s team shows a few changes from the FA Cup games with Cech back in goal, Lampard in for Ivanovic and Oscar in for Moses.  This means their defensive midfield pairing is Lampard and Ramires which may give us some opportunities which may not have been there had Luiz been in midfield as per the Cup game and another centre half been picked.  Talking of which, Shgger Terry was on the bench along with the £50million ladyboy is there in case Rafa wants to practice playing with 10.

As for us.... oh God he’s done it again!!!  Sir Rickie is on the bench along with Gaston and their places have gone to Guly and Steven Davis making our team looking remarkably similar to that which played in the 5-1 defeat.  I expect that the impending sense of doom amongst Saints fans, would have multiplied to apocalyptic proportions when the team was announced.  For me it’s simple – we aren’t going to keep a clean sheet today barring a miracle so we need goalscorers on the pitch and we’re a better side with Sir Rickie on the pitch and oh yes, we always look complete shite when he’s not playing.

Todays’s first half is brought to you by a terrible streaming of the game on the internet.  It’s the Fox Sports American Soccerball coverage and whilst the picture regularly freezes, the commentary never does.  After his first touch, one of the faceless morons has sold Shaw to Chelsea and they don't know the names of many of our players.  The picture freezes when Guly is in shot which may actually just be the Brazilian freezing in the cold and not a problem with the feed.

We have the first shot of the game of sorts as J-Rod hits a wildly optimistic one at the corner flag and we pass the ball about pretty well.  When Chelsea did manage to build something, Oscar fired wide from the edge of the box and a Ramires burst forward was halted by a combination of Yoshida and all the other defenders flailing about in some sort of scramble defence system.  We’re giving as good as we get though and Punch headed one nowhere near the goal following a decent cross from Guly.

We are looking fairly comfortable with it all and keeping Chelsea at arms length but then out of nowhere we go 1-0 down and it’s very preventable as Davis finds himself on the edge of our own area with the ball and panics, sending a shite clearance about 10 yards straight to Lampard who works it out to Azpilicueta to cross into the box where Big Jos doesn’t cover himself in glory with a challenge on Hazard and it finds its way to Demba Fucking Ba again whose acrobatic volley takes a deflection off of Yoshida to give Artur no chance at all.   Ba’s celebration involves kneeling and down and kissing the ground with his arse in the air.  It’ll be interesting to see if he does that when John Terry is back in the side… I wouldn’t risk it myself.

We immediately create a chance to go level with Yoshida picking out J-Rod with a decent ball and he laid back to Davis who totally fails to make up for his ricket with the Chelsea goal and tamely sidefoots wide.  After this there is the worry that we are going to concede again (and then get dicked) and Chelsea seem to be growing into the game with Luiz finding time and space to bring the ball out and ping it around.  I thought ‘time on the ball’ was one of the things this formation and players was supposed to prevent.  A lovely ball from Azpilicueta puts Mata away in the inside right channel and his pullback pick out Lampard who surprisingly manages to drag his shot wide from the edge of the box from a position he’s scored about 150 of his Chelsea goals from.  There’s more Chelsea pressure in the lead up to half time but we survive again as following a quick free kick for nothing I could see, Ba heads down a cross and Hazard knees it towards goal with Artur flying across to make sure it went past the post.

I’m quite happy to be going in at half time having only conceded one goal which is remarkably similar to what I said in the 44^th minute in the FA Cup game.  Now as then it all goes to rat shit as Lampard’s cross is half cleared by a retreating Yoshida and goes straight to Ramires who crashes it against the bar.  If you thought we were going to away with it for a nanosecond then think again as the ball flew to Hazard who showed superb technique to volley it into the net.  Shite, big time, 2-0, game over

We manage to negotiate the last 15 seconds without conceding another  and half time is here.  The second goal is a killer and it makes our whole performance look shite.  We’ve turned up, tried to park the bus and are 2-0 down having had no shots on target.  Not good and something has to change and you wonder what the Scouse striker and Uruguayan playmaker were saying to each other (via an interpreter) as they went to the changing room.

The second half is brought to you by an internet stream with the word ‘Voetbal’ in the title.  It’s Dutch of course and so is the commentary which is perfect because I can’t tell if they’re selling our players to the big clubs as the game goes on.  There are strange pronunciations aplenty though and we seem to have acquired a Korean Number 42 called Purn She Horn.

We aren’t really doing anything differently or looking any more threatening at the start of the second half so when we win a corner it feels like a bit of a victory and we have a bit of hope as the big guys pile forward and then watch as Guly’s corner is complete shit and is cleared by the first defender at shin height.  For a second I knew what it’s like to be a Guly hater as I have a very loud attack of Tourettes syndrome.

Ten minutes in and nothing is happening for us and it’s time for the big man with J-Rod being the man to make way in a straight swap.  Sir Rickie immediately gets involved with some link up play and we immediately look a better side as he’s contributed more in 30 seconds than J-Rod has in 55.  Two minutes later and there’s no argument on that score as Clyne finds himself on the right with Ashley Cole absent (presumably answering his phone with his arse) and just Hazard to take on who he bundles past before crossing for Sir Rickie to thump a header past Cech to make it 2-1.  It’s a classic big centre forward goal as the replay shows that he shoves Cahill out of the way before the cross comes in.  Come on!!!

Chappers is getting prepared to come on to give us some more legs in midfield and it’s Davis who is going off.  Chappers immediately gets forward from midfield as is pulled for an offside decision which was bollocks.  I wouldn’t mention that sort of thing usually but it showed that we now had intent to commit some bodies forward and it showed what he brings to the party.  However, Chelsea look dangerous fleetingly as Ba stretched for a Mata ball over the top and volleys over the bar and then Yoshida trashes Mata on the edge of the box but Frank’s march towards the Chelsea goalscoring record will have to wait another week as his free kick goes just wide.

More Saints intent was then summoned from the bench as Gaston came on for Guly who really had been poor today which is a bit of a surprise seeing as he’s been decent when called upon recently.  Within 5 minutes it had happened.  A Chelsea attack was broken up and Chappers sent Shaw away on the left.  He burnt Azpilicuta for pace who couldn’t get back at him and then crossed along the top of the box where Gaston couldn’t control it but Punch could, before flicking it up and volleying it past Cech for a quite brilliant finish.  I don’t fucking believe this – 2-2.

Chelsea were obviously rattled by our comeback and Rafa was happy with what they had and decided to shut up shop by taking off Lampard and bringing on Torres.  This was a universally popular move with the Chelsea faithful as you can imagine – fancy settling for a point against Southampton at home.

On thing that Gaston has to learn is that it’s not OK to keep giving away stupid free kicks.  First he ran into Ramires and then after a run forward, he needlessly pulled Oscar’s shirt when we would have had a throw in, in a decent position.  He’s obviously learnt from the master though as Torres loses the ball to Morgan and then as Gaston set off with it, thought it was ok to grab him by the shoulders and haul him back.  How the ladyboy didn’t get a  booking for that one, I will never know.

The rest of the game passed off without too much alarm.  It was all Chelsea but the only shot they got in was a shit one from Torres which went wide of the near post.  There was a half-hearted penalty shout when Cahill fell over and Torres produced one final moment of shiteness by floating a cross over everyone and out for a goal kick when perfectly placed and not under much pressure.

Full time and you got to be happy with that.  It feels like a win when of course, it actually isn’t.  What it is though is a totally unexpected point rescued from what looked like an impossible position only 50 minutes ago.  Sir Rickie’s goal straight after coming on either proves Nigel was right not to start him or it proves him wrong.  The bottom line is that after 95 minutes we’re leaving with a point we couldn’t have expected.  Is Nigel and genius or is he lucky?  Today I think he was both.  Benitez had been saying int he buildup about teams who come to Chelsea and defend deep and Chelsea struggling to break them down.  Well, they broke us down twice and we still managed to be more expansive in the second half and come storming back.  My heart bleeds for the team assembled for a budget greater than the GDP of most small countries. 

Nigel predictably straight-batted the inevitable questions about any incoming players and gave no hint as to the status of any negotiations or otherwise of Punch’s contract negotiations.  He was also predictably forthright about leaving Sir Rickie out, using the final score to justify the selection and you can’t really argue with that.  Despite this, I will never accept that it’s a good idea to leave him out.  J-Rod was completely ineffective for the duration of his stay on the pitch and didn’t really seem to close down the Chelsea centre backs at all as Davis Luiz was pinging balls about all over the place in the first half.  The players brought in, Guly and Davis both had shockers with the former not managing to find a red shirt all day and hitting two of the worst set pieces into the box in living memory and the latter messing up royally for the first goal and just generally recycling the ball for Chelsea.  You have to give it to the manager though for having great big brass balls and completely having the courage of his convictions.  He does what he thinks is right for each individual game, regardless of what’s happened before and you gotta love that about the guy.

Next up we have Everton at home on Monday with a Sky o’clock kick off in a game that I think will be every bit as challenging as this one.  Will Sir Rickie be back in the starting line up and will it be warm enough for Guly to play.  Come to think of it, will it be on as we are supposed to have a load of snow dumped on us over the weekend.  Get yourselves to SMS on Monday and bring the noise.