NPC Match 35 - Southampton 1 Ipswich 1

Hey You!  Wanna be in a Film?

Lights, camera, ACTION!!! Here’s Paul Jewell, the King of Porn and his Ipswich team to play at SMS against the almighty SFC and much to everyone’s relief, there’s no sign of a nymphomaniac or a big bloke with a ponytail who has come to fix the washing machine so we can get on with the game without any distractions.  Ipswich have won 5 out of their last 6 so it should be a tough game but we are on a decent run ourselves of course and we are fresh from our spawny win at Leeds.

My usual journey of hell from Brighton for evening games has been avoided for today by working from home so I have actually managed to get into the ground in time for a pint before the game.  As I’m driving I’ll try one of those 3.8% Saints Ale things.  The first mouthful is one of those which makes you pull a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp but once that’s done, it slips down the hatch and happy days.  When we play the Skates we should make this the only drink they can buy in wobbly plastic pint pots emblazoned with the SFC badge on one side and a picture of Peter Storrie on the other.

To the team and Nigel has shuffled things somewhat with Punch and Chappers disappearing altogether and Corky being relegated to the bench.  Guly gets a start on the right wing after his masterclass of not a lot on Saturday. There’s a recall for Deano and a return from injury for Adam Lallana.  Harding comes in for the injured Fox at left back and there is a place on the bench for Steve de Ridder.  Nigel couldn’t decide who to start up front so he made Billy and Chung have a fight.  Chung came out with some king fu and Billy threw a pie at him which missed so Billy’s on the bench again.

Saints start well and look very dangerous when attacking with Chung and Adam Lallana looking very lively.  Adam was up against Carlos Edwards who is a converted right winger and he flew past him before firing in a superb left footed cross which Chung threw himself at but couldn’t reach.   We won a corner soon after and Hardings delivery was headed back and forth a few times before Sir Rickie headed just over as Ipswich panicked.

We were missing Danny Fox and his set piece delivery and consequently wasted a couple of corners including one of those infuriating ones when we play it short and then someone fucks it up and the ball doesn’t even get into the box.  I hope that’s the sort of thing that results in a club fine.

We have a large moment of excitement when Chung gets all Ninja with the keeper in a 50/50 and wins the ball but it unfortunately falls behind him and the keeper picks it up.  You know full well that if he’d gone on and scored that the ref would have given a free kick to the keeper.  Ipswich remind us that they are a threat as the huge Emmanuel-Thomas brushes off Harding and Lallana before lashing in a left footed effort which is saved low by Superkelv.  How dare you insult him with that kind of effort.

Lallana has the ball in the net soon after as he latched onto a Chung through ball but the flag was up early so no one got excited.  The Carrot Crunchers still felt the need to go ‘Ahhhhhhhhh’ though.  They should have been made to shut up a moment later though as Lallana was put through by Deano after good work by Chung and Sir Rickie but with just the keeper to beat, he shot first time and saw it blocked.  It’s easy to say in hindsight but with half the pitch to himself (dunno where the hell the right back was) he really should have taken a touch.

Morgan immediately gives him another chance with a sublime pass and Adam’s shot is this time deflected wide as he’s closed down.   From the resulting corner which Adam swings over, it land right on the head of the Gulyman about 6 yards out  - he has to score but no, he goes all 50p head and somehow heads it wide.  Shite.  We are nearly made to pay big time when Martin goes down the wing and crosses just in front of Michael Chopra who, for a man with a reputation for gambling, doesn’t gamble enough this time.

We try the throw in followed by direct shot routine again and this time Sir Rickie’s effort is saved comfortably at the near post by McCarthy.  Half time and 0-0 and we really should be ahead.  Leeds in reverse is playing on my mind.

Ipswich start the second half well having watched Paul Jewell strutting round the dressing room in his dressing gown and Chopra’s header looks like a certain goal until you remember that Superkelv is truly unbeatable and he opens the top drawer and pulls a reflex stop right out of it.

Saints are now playing in a stodgy fashion.  People are trying to pass it but too often there is no out ball as we appear to have gone to the diamond formation.  Lallana looks like he was trying too hard and Guly always seemed to be too far infield.  On one occasion, Deano had the ball and he had Frazer in the right back position and no one else to aim at so he had to turn back and go back for Superkelv to hoof it.

Guly was involved in a decent bit of play with a 1-2-1-2-1 with Sir Rickie which cut Ipswich open despite the fact that it looked completely accidental but at the vital moment, Guly lashed it wide.  Lallana had another shot deflected for a corner before Nigel decided he’s had enough of the no width plan and replaced the Brazilian with Steeeeeeve.

Our famous Belgian immediately got on the ball and signalled his intent to try something different.  The second time he got it he picked up a long crossfield pass from Morgan pass, got to near the bye line and pulled it back along the ground to where Sir Rickie steamed in and slammed it left footed into the net.  The relief to the players and the fans was somewhat noticeable as the celebrations went on.  1-0 to Nigel Adkins, 75 minutes gone.  Billy Sharp came on for Tadanari Lee as we attempted to put the game to bed and de Ridder set up another chance for Sir Rickie which this time he stabbed wide.

It looked like Nigel was content to hang on to what we had and he took Lallana off and replaced him with Cork.  Cork kind of went left and a message was passed out to de Ridder, I assume to the effect of putting him at the point of the diamond.  I couldn’t see why we were changing things but before I got it all sorted out in my head they fucking scored.  A punt over the top landed in the space behind Harding and Big Jos went over to cover.  He really should have got there first but Scotland was more determined.  Scotland turned and set off across the box, Morgan went to challenge and slipped over, Scotland lashed it and it flicked off of Harding who had half turned his back on it and flew past Superkelv….. BOLLOCKS!!!

The equalizer had the effect of deflating and demoralizing the team.  There was about 5 minutes left but all we managed in that time was Harding getting disorientated and trashing Chopra and picking up a yellow card.  It’s a bit harsh to book someone for not knowing where he is.  Full time and it felt like a defeat… but did it?

Ipswich were ok but nothing fantastic and I think if you look at the game as a whole then we should have won having created loads of chances in the first half and having been ahead with 10 minutes to go… we really should have closed it out.  The equalizing goal was preventable as Jos should never have allowed Scotland to get the ball in the first place.  Morgan falling on his arse and the deflection were a bit unlucky but the original ball forward should have been better dealt with.  He can’t score if it’s out the ground and bouncing down Brittania Road.  Nigel’s pissing about with the midfield was another factor today.  We were 1-0 up and Ipswich hadn’t been near our goal since Chopra’s header at the start of the second half so why change it?  He brought Cork on and instructions were coming across to Steeeeeve, I assume to get him to play at the point of the diamond and we were still disorganized when Ipswich scored.  It reminded me very much of the Harding for Fox substitution at Fratton Park when we were 1-0 up and the Skates hadn’t even been in our half for an hour.  

Ultimately though, we were like Leeds on Saturday in that we failed to take our chances in the first half with Adam Lallana having one of those games.  The stuff he does on the ball is incredible at times but he has that one weakness in my opinion which is that in some games his finishing lets him down.  One goal would probably have brought another and then it’s a comfortable evening.  Never mind, onwards and upwards.  The pragmatist in me says that I would have settled for 4 points from Leeds away and Ipswich at home though and so we move onto the Barnsley home match on Saturday when we really have to win.  The Skates unsurprisingly did us no favours and lost at Reading so they are now just 3 points behind us with a game in hand.  The silver lining is that we are still top and the Skates have now finally made it to the bottom so I'll repeat my pre-emptive gag from a couple weeks back.  It's proof positive that shit does in fact, sink.  Hurrah!

Highlights of this match from a Saints perspective will appear on Saints Player, 24 hours after the match.  Highlights from a Paul Jewell perspective will appear on Pornhub.

UPDATE: Wednesday result.... West Ham 1 Watford 1 - still top...hurrah!