League 1 Match 20 - Southampton 4 Huddersfield 1

Move along you miserable git....

Well hello there and Merry Christmas one and all. I hate the snow – it’s crap and it buggers everything up. Speaking as someone who had a nightmare drive to Euro Disney, including blizzards and the stress of wondering if we’d get back for Christmas, I can honestly say it was nice to be at SMS again for some footy. The dismal shite of the last game was a distant memory and hopefully would be forgotten by the players as well. I had a simple justification for not caring about the three games being called off and that was that we’ll have a bigger and better squad post-January and so in the long run, it will benefit us. Our postponed games were all away games at Hartlepool, Walsall and Charlton which is proof, if any were needed, that you’re better off living South of Eastleigh.

The side showed a couple of changes from the Brentford fiasco with Jose Fonte returning in place of Desperate Dan Seaborne and Dan Harding being preferred to Ryan Dickson at left back which I found slightly odd as Dickson had been one of the few to not be dreadful in the last game. The bench however did look a lot stronger than of late with returns for Richardson, Chaplow, Barnard, joining Bart, Seaborne, Dickson and Connolly.

Saints had the first threat as Schneiderlin produced a wonderful pass inside the full back to Chamberlain who floated over a cross, straight to Lallana whose first time cushioned volley was brilliantly headed off the line with the keeper beaten. Sir Rickie then teed up Lallana who really should have scored but the keeper managed to save with his foot. We looked great for 10 minutes and then it suddenly went pear shaped as Jaidi and Fonte went for the same ball and panic stations ensued as Davis committed himself and the ball was rolled across to Arfield (who Saints were linked with when he joined from some Scottish club) who had an open goal which he expertly missed. I wonder if you can have a bet on Betfair for ‘minute that a player will miss an open goal from 10 yards’. If so, late Christmas present for the Arfield family from Huddersfield.

Having had an almighty let-off and still laughing about it, we conceded a free kick which the ref allowed it to be taken quickly from 10 yards away from where it should have been. A cross from Roberts a header and a goal. Shit. First reports suggested that Alan Lee had scored the goal but it turned out to be Lee Novak. Interestingly, Alan Lee’s full name is or ‘Alan Lee Six foot Two Diving Pathetic Cheating Bastard’ but that wouldn’t fit on the back of his shirt. I found a small crumb of comfort in the fact that it wasn’t him who scored but he had me howling a minute later when he took a dive when the imagined challenge from Jaidi hadn’t even been made.

Lallana and then Schneiderlin teed up the Gulyman for efforts that he headed wide and then he Puncheoned one into Row Z. The natives were getting restless and things were not going well and then we had what may well be looked back on as a pivotal moment of the season. Harding’s throw in went to Sir Rickie who swivelled and just lashed it first time right footed. The ground went ‘oooooh’ as it hit the side netting. There was a surreal moment as 23 odd thousand realised that the players were celebrating and then we all joined in as it turned out that it had flown in the keepers near post.

Saints were all over them at this point and the comeback was complete a few minutes later as Sir Rickie and The Gulyman teed up Chamberlain who (in front of the watching Liverpool legend, Kenny Dalglish – fuck off), took a touch and smashed home for 2-1. Guly may not be a goalscorer but he’s a decent player and his next contribution was to put Lallana clean through after picking up the ball from a Huddersfield player who had comically fallen on his asspiece. Despite having an age, Adam managed to chip it onto the bar as the one flaw he has in his game came back to haunt him.

Every so often you spot an opposition player who just annoys you. Aside from the aforementioned Alan Lee, Huddersfield had No 8 at centre back who was just a tosser. Lots of petty fouls and histrionics at the referee, culminating in him deliberately handling a crossfield ball to stop it getting to Lallana. Even though the ball had travelled 20 yards and he’d seen it all the way, he didn’t get booked for it which was ridiculous in itself but still went on a big arm-waving hissy fit at the ref. Just shut up you wanker.

Schneiderlin managed his obligatory booking for a Scholes-esque tackle and as half time approached, the mist came down. The pessimist in me said that we’d be 5-1 up with 10 minutes to go and then the game would be abandoned. Meanwhile, Butterfield had a problem and the look on his face when he could hardly walk and was made to hobble forty yards forward to take a throw in was priceless. Half time, 2-1.

Unsurprisingly, Richardson came on for Butterfield at the start of the second half and away we went as Chamberlain flew past the full back yet again who was booked this time for cynically taking him out. Then came one of those moments that just makes you smile as Lallana floated over the free kick to where the biggest salmon you’ve ever seen, rose majestically and completely unmarked, to thump a header into the net.... and off he went on a sprint behind the goal. Definitely the fastest Radhi Jaidi has run in his entire Saints career. I bet the Pro Zone stats look ridiculous as Radhi suddenly overtook Alex Chamberlain as the fastest Saints player.

Energised by his goal, Jaidi then had some defending to do as he raced towards the right back spot and instead of hoofing it into the crowd like he usually does, he produced a cheeky backheel to totally take the forward out of play and give Dan Harding time to clear. Total madness, totally stupid thing to do but brilliant all the same as he got away with it.

The third goal meant the end of Schneiderlin’s afternoon as Nigel obviously didn’t trust him to go another 35 minutes without getting sent off, so he was given the hook and replaced with Chaplow, making a welcome return to the side. Smithies in the Huddersfield goal was all that was standing between them and a pasting as he kept out two efforts from Cap’n Hammond and others from Sir Rickie and Lallana.

Chamberlain succumbed to his usual 70th minute cramp and Dickson came on and we immediately scored with Chaplow drilling home from the edge of the box from another Guly pass for 4-1. Chappers then went on a fouling spree and got booked and still carried on kicking people. Adkins could see the player brought on to avoid a red card getting a red card himself and so switched him to the wing, meaning that the last 20 were a bit disjointed with both Dickson and Lallana taking turns in central midfield. Huddersfield had a decent chance at the end which Davis parried and Lallana hacked away. Anyway – the end, me happy.

4-1 against anyone is a good result but particularly when it comes against one of your promotion rivals. To be honest, aside from a 10/15 minute spell when they scored and we were abysmal, we dominated the game pretty much and it could have been any score at the end but the foot was well and truly off the gas. The lack of depth in our squad in the wide areas is a concern as both Chamberlain and Lallana were struggling at the end and only one could come off. However, three days until the transfer window opens... Talking of which – it is a worry to see Chamberlain linked with Liverpool and the like. It’s all very well Adkins and Cortese saying that players aren’t for sale but I say that about my house. However, if someone wants to offer me millions for it then you can have it and I’ll throw in a crappy car as well. It was amusing to hear the Moaning Dorset Bastards on the radio, moaning (as they do) about selling players and not replacing them and it’s strongly rumoured that Marc Pugh will be leaving them for SMS in a few days time. If that happens then the moaning will be quite sensational.

Nigel was a happy man in his post match interview, declaring the win as a statement of intent. Most interesting for me was that fact that it was confirmed that Lee Barnard has had a hernia op and should soon be fit and firing. Mind you, I thought he was going to jail but nothing seems to be happening on that front at the moment. So, one game on from the Brentford disaster and we’re looking good again. Fonte and Jaidi were immense today as well and though Radhi won’t be able to play every match, if he produces that level of performance in every match he does play, maybe he’ll get an extra year on his contract after all. The wingers were unplayable at times today and despite looking like he needed about 20 minutes to get a shot away, the Gulyman was a handful up front and a lot of good things went through him. Finally, I have to say that Schneiderlin played well today though it was the correct decision to take him off. The biggest plus of the day though was the return of Sir Rickie who looked like the player of last season having smashed in a goal and suddenly rediscovering all the qualities that make him such a vital player for us. His use of the ball was excellent and he was much more of a handful than usual. Keep it up big man.

Finally, we’re back above the Moaning Dorset Bastards in the League now as we’ve shot up to fifth and have a real chance of cracking the top two if we can pick up 6 points from our next two games (which are on Jan 1st and Jan 3rd) at home to Exeter and away to Dagenham and Redbridge. We of course, should win both of these but this is SFC we’re talking about.

League 1 Match 19 - Southampton 0 Brentford 2

Unused Subs, Saturday

It’s been a bit odd to be honest. The game up in the frozen wastelands of Hartlepool was called off on the Thursday before and so all was quiet on the SFC aside from the chortle of fans knowing that their ticket was valid for the re-arranged date, which will no doubt be in midweek, giving you a few issues if you have to work til 5 as Southampton to Hartlepool in two and half hours is not really feasible unless you have a plane.

Other football news was of course, England not getting awarded the World Cup in 2018 so the eyes of the world will not be fixed on Milton Keynes after all, they’ll be fixed on somewhere much more hospitable in Siberia. Rumour has it that Sepp Blatter and Jack Warner thought that Fratton Park was still part of the bid so no amount of Royal Wedding Invites from Prince William, promises of financial aid from David Cameron or pictures of Rebecca Loos from David Beckham, was going to change their mind.

SFC were thrust back into the limelight by Mike Ashley, the fat Cockney who owns Newcastle United, who decided to sack Chris Hughton. To everyone else’s eyes, Hughton had done a great job getting Newcastle promoted at the first time of asking and starting life in the Cash Cow with some decent results. This is relevant to us because they appointed Alan Pardew as his replacement so suddenly, the eyes of the world were back on us again. Coincidentally or not, Don Nicola chose this moment to re-state his vision for Southampton and to me, it was heart warming stuff. The major issues about finance following the death of Markus were addressed in very positive fashion, as were the concerns should the Liebherr family decide they wanted out. He was of course asked why Pards was sacked and he just said there were “many reasons” and fixed the interviewer with a cold hard stare which would have had him weeing down his leg in fear. I was scared just watching it on the computer.

Pards meanwhile, will be about as welcome as an outbreak of smallpox in Newcastle because he’s a) a Londoner, b) from London, c) a mate of Mike Ashley’s via a mutual friends casino, d) not got a great record on the face of it, e) he’s not a Geordie and f) he’s a London boy. Good luck to him and I hope he does well but I don’t think he’s got a prayer up there. When he left I said that he’d get a job higher up the leagues but I didn’t see that one coming...

In other Saints news, it was confirmed that Lee Holmes is out for the rest of the season which is both very unlucky and very expected. I believe that his contract runs out in the summer as well so not good news for the player but at least he’s familiar with the treatment room so he should feel comfortable in the newly renamed Holmes & Connolly Suite of the Medical Facility at Staplewood. Surely now there will be some players coming in, in January (as hinted at in the Don’s interview) as we have lost both Holmes and Puncheon from the wings, so now only have Lallana and Chamberlain who are both coveted by Premier League Clubs. There has been a rumour of the return of Papa Waigo N’Diaye which would be a superb signing for me, as a blog writer but also because when onside, he was a decent player.

Saints team for today was still missing Richardson, Barnard and Chaplow through injury, in addition to Jose Fonte through suspension. Butterfield, the Gulyman, Schneiderlin and Seaborne all coming in. The bench saw the first inclusion of Harlee Dean and David Connolly was on there as he was slightly less injured than normal this week.

Saints started well with Chamberlain firing over a cross which Sir Rickie flicked on and the Gulyman lunged forward to thump a header goalwords which was superbly kept out by Lee in the Brentford goal – a really good save save – a bastard.

Brentford were really not putting much together until some namby pamby tackling from Lallana led to Alexander having a potshot and Superkelv made a complete bollocks of it, didn’t get behind it and it bounced of his forearm and spun into the net. A quite dreadful bit of goalkeeping and a real kick in the nuts for everyone.

Hammond hoofed one over the bar and my friend the Duck Noise Guy, decides to tell us the gag he’s been working on all week regarding that fact that Dean Hammond has the same initials as Dick Head. It’s not funny and it’s not funny when it’s repeated and I want to break his teeth by the 4th time.

Saints responded with Seaborne clumsily hoofing someone up in the air on the half way line and getting booked and we did have half a shout for a penalty when Schneiderlin’s cross hit a defender on the way out of play. Sir Rickie’s free kick for the day was on target this time but at a comfortable height for Lee. Sir Rickie isn’t striking the ball as well this season which in my mind, points to an injury which isn’t going to go away by him continually playing match after match.

We were second to every ball and seemed half a yard slower all over the pitch, except near Seaborne and Jaidi where it was more like 5 yards slower. Saints looked shot to bits by now and no one wanted the ball and this was superbly demonstrated when a shot was deflected upwards on our 6 yard line and Butterfield, Seaborne and Davis all watched and the only player who reacted was MacDonald who stabbed it in the net. Again – a diabolical goal to concede. He kind of looked offside but when you are the only player who moves, I guess that can happen.

We of course, needed a goal before half time and Lallana nearly provided it with a jinking run in from the left and a fierce shot which Lee again got something on and turned it wide. He’s a good keeper and I hate him.

The half time team talk was going to have to be something special to get anything out of this game. I don’t expect that Nigel told them to amble about for the first 15 minutes with no pattern or direction but that’s what they did. The game was an hour old and we were never going to score with the personnel we had on the pitch and nothing had changed since half time. Brentford were completely untroubled and if anything, looked more likely to score the next goal than we did. Chamberlain was switch with Guly and had a couple of shots that were blocked but in the main, nothing. Another tactical switch was to move Schneiderlin into a holding role and push Hammond forward a bit, a combination that has never, ever worked in any match I’ve ever seen. Surprisingly, it didn’t work here either.

The game was gone by the time we made our first real change on 82 minutes when Connolly came on for Sir Rickie though it turns out that this only happened cos Lambert was injured. We huffed a bit and Connolly was dangerous and Lallana hit a post from a free kick but it was generally crap and the final whistle couldn’t come soon enough.

Thanks God it’s over. That was truly abysmal and where do you start to analyse that one. I’ll have a go…. When a goalkeeper drops a complete bollock like Kelvin did, it sucks the wind out of the whole team. I remember a few years ago when he allowed himself to get robbed by a QPR forward on the edge of the box who duly scored, exactly the same thing happened. Butterfield proved that Richardson is the better full back and Jaidi and Seborne proved that they are too slow to play as a pair. Jaidi wasn’t too bad in that slow, lumbering way of his but Seaborne was shite and surely Aaron Martin has to get a game soon as at least he can run. The centre of midfield was appalling and especially in the 2nd half as Hammond was pushed forward where he’s crap, to allow Schneiderlin to sit deep and do fuck all as he always does. Lallana was invisible in the 2nd half as well so out of the keeper, defence and midfield you only have Dickson and Chamberlain who were anything above 4 out of 10. As for the strikers – well I just felt sorry for them. I thought Sir Rickie worked hard and was really trying but the service to him was non-existant and the same goes for the Gulyman but again, and this goes down against Nigel Adkins, they are not a good pair as they both want to flick it on and neither has the pace to pick up the flick on.

There was a complete lack of energy today which Chaplow and Barnard supply and their energy rubs off on the rest of the team. All over the pitch today we had combinations that do not work, Seaborne and Jaidi too slow, Schneiderlin and Hammond both want to play defensive midfield, Lambert and do Prado too similar in style and Nigel Adkins has to take the blame for that along with the fact that we have players on the bench that he obviously does not rate. Ryan Doble has been on the bench about 8 times now and not played a minute, the same with Aaron Martin. If it had been down to me then Schneiderlin would have come off after an hour with Lallana moving to the middle and pretty soon after that I’d have chucked Doble and/or Connolly on for a defender as we were getting absolutely fucking nowhere with the 11 we had on the pitch. If I was one of the subs I’d have been a bit pissed off, sat there watching an abysmal performance and the manager doesn’t think I’d make any sort of improvement on the shite I was watching.

Nigel’s post match interview went some way to explaining the lack of subs and the tinkering he did with the starting XI to try and change things round. All well and good but none too convincing really – for example, Schneiderlin was shit from the first minute to the last and obviously didn’t want to be out there and subtly altering his position is just polishing a turd – get him off, tell him he was merde (French for brown and smelly) and replace him with someone who may just do better. There is no way that Gobern or even Harlee Dean (who I have never seen play) would have been any worse. Brentford worked hard and were very ‘in yer face’ when we had the ball and fair play to them, they were only side deserving a win out there today. We were shit, really shit. As a footnote, today was my Dad’s birthday and he had to sit through that whilst on my birthday, we won 4-1 – my 42nd was better than his 66th. Pissed off and fed up and I watched the whole game with a hangover which had actually got worse over the two hours of ‘entertainment’.

Next up we’re away at Walsall who are bottom and their fans all say ‘awl-roight boy’ when you meet them. At least will have Jose Fonte back to break up the snail central defence we employed today and we desperately need Chaplow and Barnard to return as well or it will be another very testing game.

January transfer window... bring it on!

More unused subs, Saturday