Alan Bennett - Not very good.
Leyton Orient at home on a Bank Holiday Monday and I was running late. Usually, my Dad picks me up at two and in we come. Today it was 10 past two and I was wondering where the old git was and then I remembered that ina reversal of the usual, I was picking him up today and oh shit. Having driven to Woolston and hoofed it across the bridge, with much moaning from the old man, we arrived at 2.59. Plenty of time.
I managed to catch the team announcements and hear ‘James Scowcroft’ named in the Orient line-up. Who remembers Saints 1 Palace 4 in the Alan Bennett match where Scowcroft scored at hat-trick. There have been many occasions when I have watched a player have a mare and thought ‘I could do better than that’ but deep down, I didn’t really mean it. At the time of that game, I was 39 and hadn’t played for 7 years but I would definitely have played better than Alan Bennett. Scowcroft scored the easiest hat-trick anyone could ever score and now he’s back.
The Saints line-up reverted to what is commonly thought to be our strongest line up with Schneiderlin returning in place of Wotton and Barnard in for Antonio up front. Jaidi and Fonte were charged with looking after Scowcroft. Orient had sacked their manager a couple of days ago and were residing just one place above the relegation zone.
Orient started brightly and were nearly in on goal after 30 seconds but Harding snuffed it out. A throw in from the left came in and both Jaidi and Fonte were momentarily possessed by the ghost of Alan Bennett and both missed headers allowing Spicer to have a free shot from 6 yards. He didn’t miss. One minute gone and 1-0 down. Bad went to worse for Jaidi about a minute later as he cleared a ball and pulled up holding a hamstring. Instead of coming straight off he limped back to defend a throw and then couldn’t jump, causing more panic in our goalmouth and Kelvin totally failed to command the area. Off went Radhi after a pretty poor two minutes to be replaced by Danny Seaborne.
Seaborne looked quite composed when he came on and he had the ball at his feet about 10 yards inside our half. There wasn’t a single Orient player within 30 yards of him. The line of 4 defenders was on the edge of the penalty area. The line of 5 midfielders were stationed about 10 yards further forward and the one forward (Scowcroft) was not about to close him down either. This is the way it’s gonna be is it? 85 minutes to go.
It’s difficult enough to break down a massed defence at the best of times but it’s especially difficult when nearly all your forward going players are not at the races. Sir Rickie looked like he was running through treacle and was not getting off the ground at all to complete with headers, whilst Barnard was working hard as usual but was taking about 5 touches to get the ball under control. Schneiderlin’s radar was well off as a succession of well-intended passes were hit. The passes were hit with the usual Gallic flair aside from the fact that they were shite and were all cut out by Orient players. Meanwhile, Puncheon wasn’t getting into the game at all much to the delight of the moaning twat behind me whose one phrase to be repeated all day was ‘Puncheon’s not half the player he looked like is he?’
Like the last time we faced a massed defence at SMS – Swindon – we still created a glorious chance as Puncheon’s deep cross was headed down by Lambert to present Barnard with what looked like a sitter header. He headed it, we all jumped up and somehow it missed by bloody miles. What happened there ?
Orient were predictably offering nothing but were winning the odd free kick in our territory as the referee took a dislike to Fonte (or a liking for Scowcroft) and decided it was a foul every time there was a challenge. Compare and contrast to the other end where Lambert was getting given sweet bugger all every time he was assaulted by Mkunpronounceablename. Scowcroft and Lambert were similar in the way they challenged for the ball in that neither of them did really except standing where the ball was going to drop and slightly backin in. League 1 refs - love 'em.
All very frustrating until the 41st minute when a cross field ball from Puncheon picked out Lallana with just the full back in front of him. He cut inside the full back, leaving him for dead and shaped to shoot but dummied inside the centre back and then curled a lovely shot into the far top corner of the net. Bloody good goal and 1-1. Still Orient played the 9-1-0 formation and so the half petered out.
At half time I had one of the most bizarre conversations I’ve ever had at football. My Dad mentioned a programme he’d seen on tapeworms (I don’t know why) and the bloke in front of us overheard and chimed in like it was his specialised subject on Mastermind. He knew how to flush them out and the dangers of them breaking in half – everything. Weird.
Saints piled forwards at the start of the second half and we had another entry in the ‘Will Morgan Ever Score’ competition as he latched onto a far post cross from Puncheon and headed wide. It is in danger of becoming another Claus Lundekvam story. How many games without a goal? On that note – sort yourself out Claus.
On 54 minutes after some deliberate build up play, Saints took the lead as Puncheon’s cross was headed back into the mixer from beyond the back stick by Sir Rickie and Adam Lallana dived in and headed his second goal of the game. The effect on Orient was quite startling and they decided to attack.
Dan Seaborne had looked composed in the first half and played some good balls forward to feet but when under pressure as he was now – it was going anywhere, usually straight up and Saints were stuggling to clear any danger. Hammond was working hard to make up for the fact that Schneiderlin wasn’t and I was impressed with Deano’s 40 yard sprint back towards our goal before robbing the attacker with a well timed tackle. It took Kelvin to keep us in the lead though with a trademark strong arm to keep out an effort from the Orient right back who’d rumbled forward.
In order to give Orient something to think about, Barnard was subbed as usual and replaced with Antonio. I assumed we’d be going 4-5-1 with Antonio on the right but it was a straight swap and he went up front. I was pondering that it was a bit odd that Papa Waigo hadn’t come on but Antonio made me forget as he managed to get caught offside three times in his first 5 minutes on the pitch. In all seriousness though, Waigo is a forward and Antonio is not, so why?
Saints nearly put it to bed on 75 when Lambert cut on from the left and from a tight angle and hammered it goalwards, where the keeper beat it away. It was time to hold what we have and Wotton came on for Schneiderlin. One comment from near me was ‘oh good, we’ve gone back up to 11 players’. Harsh but fair I thought. Orient huffed and puffed without really creating much aside from tint he 92nd minute when one of their subs, Patulea, lashed one over the bar. Patulea sounds like it’s the name of a bone. I’m sure if you went to the Doctor’s and said you had a bruised Patulea, they’d sign you off work for at least two weeks. I’m sure David Connolly’s had that – he’s had everything else. Full time – Saints 2 Leyton Orient 1.
There is a famous Ian Holloway quote which I apologise for writing verbatim.
I managed to catch the team announcements and hear ‘James Scowcroft’ named in the Orient line-up. Who remembers Saints 1 Palace 4 in the Alan Bennett match where Scowcroft scored at hat-trick. There have been many occasions when I have watched a player have a mare and thought ‘I could do better than that’ but deep down, I didn’t really mean it. At the time of that game, I was 39 and hadn’t played for 7 years but I would definitely have played better than Alan Bennett. Scowcroft scored the easiest hat-trick anyone could ever score and now he’s back.
The Saints line-up reverted to what is commonly thought to be our strongest line up with Schneiderlin returning in place of Wotton and Barnard in for Antonio up front. Jaidi and Fonte were charged with looking after Scowcroft. Orient had sacked their manager a couple of days ago and were residing just one place above the relegation zone.
Orient started brightly and were nearly in on goal after 30 seconds but Harding snuffed it out. A throw in from the left came in and both Jaidi and Fonte were momentarily possessed by the ghost of Alan Bennett and both missed headers allowing Spicer to have a free shot from 6 yards. He didn’t miss. One minute gone and 1-0 down. Bad went to worse for Jaidi about a minute later as he cleared a ball and pulled up holding a hamstring. Instead of coming straight off he limped back to defend a throw and then couldn’t jump, causing more panic in our goalmouth and Kelvin totally failed to command the area. Off went Radhi after a pretty poor two minutes to be replaced by Danny Seaborne.
Seaborne looked quite composed when he came on and he had the ball at his feet about 10 yards inside our half. There wasn’t a single Orient player within 30 yards of him. The line of 4 defenders was on the edge of the penalty area. The line of 5 midfielders were stationed about 10 yards further forward and the one forward (Scowcroft) was not about to close him down either. This is the way it’s gonna be is it? 85 minutes to go.
It’s difficult enough to break down a massed defence at the best of times but it’s especially difficult when nearly all your forward going players are not at the races. Sir Rickie looked like he was running through treacle and was not getting off the ground at all to complete with headers, whilst Barnard was working hard as usual but was taking about 5 touches to get the ball under control. Schneiderlin’s radar was well off as a succession of well-intended passes were hit. The passes were hit with the usual Gallic flair aside from the fact that they were shite and were all cut out by Orient players. Meanwhile, Puncheon wasn’t getting into the game at all much to the delight of the moaning twat behind me whose one phrase to be repeated all day was ‘Puncheon’s not half the player he looked like is he?’
Like the last time we faced a massed defence at SMS – Swindon – we still created a glorious chance as Puncheon’s deep cross was headed down by Lambert to present Barnard with what looked like a sitter header. He headed it, we all jumped up and somehow it missed by bloody miles. What happened there ?
Orient were predictably offering nothing but were winning the odd free kick in our territory as the referee took a dislike to Fonte (or a liking for Scowcroft) and decided it was a foul every time there was a challenge. Compare and contrast to the other end where Lambert was getting given sweet bugger all every time he was assaulted by Mkunpronounceablename. Scowcroft and Lambert were similar in the way they challenged for the ball in that neither of them did really except standing where the ball was going to drop and slightly backin in. League 1 refs - love 'em.
All very frustrating until the 41st minute when a cross field ball from Puncheon picked out Lallana with just the full back in front of him. He cut inside the full back, leaving him for dead and shaped to shoot but dummied inside the centre back and then curled a lovely shot into the far top corner of the net. Bloody good goal and 1-1. Still Orient played the 9-1-0 formation and so the half petered out.
At half time I had one of the most bizarre conversations I’ve ever had at football. My Dad mentioned a programme he’d seen on tapeworms (I don’t know why) and the bloke in front of us overheard and chimed in like it was his specialised subject on Mastermind. He knew how to flush them out and the dangers of them breaking in half – everything. Weird.
Saints piled forwards at the start of the second half and we had another entry in the ‘Will Morgan Ever Score’ competition as he latched onto a far post cross from Puncheon and headed wide. It is in danger of becoming another Claus Lundekvam story. How many games without a goal? On that note – sort yourself out Claus.
On 54 minutes after some deliberate build up play, Saints took the lead as Puncheon’s cross was headed back into the mixer from beyond the back stick by Sir Rickie and Adam Lallana dived in and headed his second goal of the game. The effect on Orient was quite startling and they decided to attack.
Dan Seaborne had looked composed in the first half and played some good balls forward to feet but when under pressure as he was now – it was going anywhere, usually straight up and Saints were stuggling to clear any danger. Hammond was working hard to make up for the fact that Schneiderlin wasn’t and I was impressed with Deano’s 40 yard sprint back towards our goal before robbing the attacker with a well timed tackle. It took Kelvin to keep us in the lead though with a trademark strong arm to keep out an effort from the Orient right back who’d rumbled forward.
In order to give Orient something to think about, Barnard was subbed as usual and replaced with Antonio. I assumed we’d be going 4-5-1 with Antonio on the right but it was a straight swap and he went up front. I was pondering that it was a bit odd that Papa Waigo hadn’t come on but Antonio made me forget as he managed to get caught offside three times in his first 5 minutes on the pitch. In all seriousness though, Waigo is a forward and Antonio is not, so why?
Saints nearly put it to bed on 75 when Lambert cut on from the left and from a tight angle and hammered it goalwards, where the keeper beat it away. It was time to hold what we have and Wotton came on for Schneiderlin. One comment from near me was ‘oh good, we’ve gone back up to 11 players’. Harsh but fair I thought. Orient huffed and puffed without really creating much aside from tint he 92nd minute when one of their subs, Patulea, lashed one over the bar. Patulea sounds like it’s the name of a bone. I’m sure if you went to the Doctor’s and said you had a bruised Patulea, they’d sign you off work for at least two weeks. I’m sure David Connolly’s had that – he’s had everything else. Full time – Saints 2 Leyton Orient 1.
There is a famous Ian Holloway quote which I apologise for writing verbatim.
"To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She wasn't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee".
That was Saints performance today. We won and happy days but we weren’t the greatest, not by a long chalk. There were too many players having poor games with only really Adam Lallana and Dean Hammond having decent games. It was a tough game to win today but we got the job done. Time for a coffee.
Next up is Charlton at home who are suddenly back in the automatic promotion mix as a result of Leeds deciding they fancy another crack at the JPT next year. We have to play better than today and we will – or else we will get stuffed. As for the playoff picture, we are 8 points behind Huddersfield who are 6th and stranger things have happened – Alan Bennett had a few good games for us after his Scowcroft nightmare and I’d have never predicted that.
Next up is Charlton at home who are suddenly back in the automatic promotion mix as a result of Leeds deciding they fancy another crack at the JPT next year. We have to play better than today and we will – or else we will get stuffed. As for the playoff picture, we are 8 points behind Huddersfield who are 6th and stranger things have happened – Alan Bennett had a few good games for us after his Scowcroft nightmare and I’d have never predicted that.
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