Premier League Match 37 - Tottenham 1 Southampton 2

Ronald Pisses Himself as Pochettino Tells Him His Plan B

Spurs. No one likes Spurs do they? The list of reasons why is absolutely huge so I'm not going to do all of it, I'll just do the bits that apply to me personally. Currently, the two main ones are Alderweireld and Pochettino. In fact, it's mainly Pochettino. He strung us along after Cortese had left, making everyone think that he'd honour his contract and probably sign the new one that was on the table. Of course he didn't sign the new contract and fucked off to Spurs but not before a concerted attempt to destabilise the club that was paying him and wanting him to stay, advising all the players to leave and find other clubs (allegedly). The only reason for this is probably his love of Cortese and willingness to do the hatchet job that was required when Cortese had been kicked out. So, an undisputedly talented manager but also a complete wanker.

This is why it's stuck in my throat a bit to see Les Reed giving an interview to the London Evening Standard where he basically blew smoke up Pochettino’s arse.  He was probably trying to point out how clever Saints were to have scouted him as a relative unknown in the first place but the interview read like he was just cracking one off over the ex-manager when we have a current manager who needs a new contract sorting out and who at the end of the day has done a lot better.  Talking of contracts, Pochettino has a new 5 years one ‘on the table’ at Spurs, which he’s verbally agreed to sign but hasn’t actually signed yet.  Sounds familiar doesn’t it?

The perception seems to be that Spurs will be even better next year and they might be but this year, they don't seem to have had many injuries and their backup players (the like of Wimmer, Mason and N’Jie) don't look that great to me.   He has some decent reserve full backs in Davies and Trippier but in true Pochettino fashion, there’s only a Plan A so the others barely get to play.  We will be seeing some of those squad players today with Alli and Dembele suspended. We should be seeing a few more as both Dier and Lamela should have been sent off in their ‘fucking up the league’ match at Stamford Bridge last Monday but that's Twattenburg for you.

Saints had had a very quiet week until Saturday when out of nothing came the news that Virgil van Dijk had signed a six year contract. This is two years younger than his current deal but I assume he's doubled his money as a result. Whatever way you look at it, it's incredibly good news and with six years left on his contract, in all likelihood, even if you were incredibly cynical, he is here for the next four years. It's a big ‘hands off’ to any vultures who may be circling and you never know, a player as good as him committing may just see other players, not to mention the manager commit as well.  Maybe I'm being too hopeful but I can't imagine he would have signed for six more years if the current manager was only going to be here for another one.

On Saturday we had some more good news.  Last week, Swansea had beaten Liverpool and on Saturday they travelled to West Ham and stuffed them 4-1, meaning that West Ham are very much in reach if we could win today.  Also, Sunderland beat Chelsea which meant Chelsea could no longer finish above us and it guaranteed us a minimum of eighth place which means three consecutive years of top eight finishes. Not bad at all.

We named the same starting XI that stuffed Manchester City last week with Graziano returning to the bench after I assume, putting a bit of effort been in training during the week. Spurs replaced the suspended pair of Dembele and Alli with England international Ryan Mason and £22 million signing Son Hueng Min, so not exactly the weak line up that any Spurs fan you spoke to, said they were going to put out this week.  By the way, I'm using the term ‘England International’ to describe Ryan Mason because that's what he is due to Roy Hodgson who picks anyone who is English in a Spurs shirt, no matter how bang average they are.

The start of the game is horrible as Spurs are all over us and we’re barely hanging in there.  Martina is looking particularly shaky at right back and Alderweireld pings a great diagonal ball from right to left and Rose chests it past Martina who has sold himself like a cheap whore.  Rose fires it across and it’s met by Eriksen on the stretch and Fraser gets down well to claw away the point blank effort.

From our first attack we really should take the lead as Mané carries it forward, gets it back off Bertrand before sending Tadic in behind the non-defending Walker at full back.  If he gets his head up then Davo has a tap in, unmarked in the middle of the goal but he brainlessly fizzes it across and wide of the far post whilst we all shout ‘oooh’ or ‘fuck’ or some other expletive.

That's nothing compared to later though as Spurs play it out from the back and it ends up with Lamela in midfield and his pass is for Kane who is clearly offside but he cleverly leaves it and Son races after it from an onside position.  There is hesitation from Fraser as he comes out and Son is in and he walks it round the keeper and round two desperate sliding tackles from Virgil and José and walks it into the net.  Bollocks.

Chalk that one up to the offside rule.  The pass was aimed at Kane and he was offside and he did take a step towards it before stopping and Son ran through.  As a defender though, you instinctively think ‘offside’ for a second and that’s all it takes to concede a goal.  You’re in the lap of the gods as to whether a ref blows or a linesman flags and we didn’t get lucky. 1-0 down, shit and ‘oh when the Spurs’ is ringing out from the fucking retards who don’t know the words.

Saints react to the setback well and are soon putting Spurs under pressure in their own box.  Rose initially looks to have sorted it out but he dicks around and Mané gets a foot in and there’s a big scramble with Vertonghen falling on Mané’s leg and bringing him down.  To be brutally honest, we’d have stood more chance of getting it without the swandive.

I’m quite encouraged that Spurs seem over anxious in attack.  We have settled defensively and are closing them down well and Kane seems to be wanting to get his shots away very quickly and drags one well wide from 25 yards.  Straight after that, Bertrand wins an aerial challenge with Walker and he’s left on the ground.  Spurs fans seem to want us to put the ball out but fuck that.  We attack down the other side and Martina lofts a great ball over Rose and Tadic latches onto it, a great first touch and a first time right footed cross and Davo arrives to poke it goalwards and under the dive of Lloris who gets something on it which makes it sweeter as it trickles into the net.  Spurs fans in the ground are having a right old bleat about the injured player but he’s fine to carry on a few minutes later and his absence had absolutely no bearing on the goal.

The rest of the first half is comfortable for us and then we press the big red button marked ‘entirely preventable fucking calamity’.  Another Rose ball forward catches Martina out and Fonte arrives in plenty of time to see off the threat of Kane.  Every Saints fan in the world was thinking, ‘48 minutes gone in the first half, Row Z’ but the captain tried to let it run out and Kane bundled past him and bore down on goal.  I think Kane’s a great player but I’m delighted that he’s greedy and he tries to smash a ball through Fraser, which is never going to happen and we eventually scramble it away for a corner.  Half time.

I think we’re good for a point as long as we cut out the big fuck ups.  Martina needs to be a bit more solid but other than that we look pretty sound.  Kane hasn’t done much for them and of their other attacking players, Eriksen has been peripheral and Son has done nothing since his goal… and then there’s Lamela.  He’s a prick, always throwing himself about and appealing to the referee and he seems to have a very over inflated opinion of how good he is, strutting around like he’s Maradona instead of accepting what he actually is, a player who cost £30 million, about three times what his actually contribution is worth.  No wonder Dani Osvaldo twatted him one in Italy.  Ah Dani – funny how Pochettino didn’t want to take him to Spurs after saddling us with the bell end pirate rock n’ roll twat.

We start the second half well, sitting deep and attempting to hit Spurs on the break and Mané streaks away but his attempted crossfield chip to Tadic is headed away by Alderwanker but Bertrand receives it and feeds Tadic who is in the big space where Walker should be.  The Serb bends in a perfect cross and Long gets up between Vertonghen and Rose and it looks for all the world like a goal but it slides off his head and wide.  Fuck – glorious chance missed.

Clasie, who has done much harrying of the opposition but not much with the ball is off to be replaced with Romeu and we have a scare as Vertonghen meets a Lamela corner and heads goalwards, only for Virgil to head it over his own bar.  More subs as Pellè comes on for Mané who has had the shit kicked out of him all game and N’Jie comes on for Son who I forgot was playing. Ronald has changed it to a 4-4-2 with the Big Beautiful Italian going up front with Shane whereas Plan A Pochettino has gone for a straight swap.

There are 20 minutes to go and Romeu is getting stuck right in and decides to run like a bastard to chase down a lost cause and hurry Vertonghen up and he plays it to Lloris who slices it out of play for a throw to us.  In it comes to Pellè who holds it up well and it ends up with Davis on the left and he cuts in, plays a 1-2 with Tadic and from the edge of the area, digs out a shot which goes through a sea of legs and past Lloris’ dive and nestles in the corner.  Bedlam and 2-1 to us.

Spurs have another weapon up their sleeve and that’s playing with 12 as John Moss dons a white shirt and starts giving everything to them.  Mind you, I can’t argue with the booking Romeu picks up for trashing Eriksen when he was about to break away on our left.  Lamela has a run through the middle and collapses like the sack of shit that he is - ok, it was probably a foul.  It looks the ideal range for Eriksen but I’m guessing that Lamela decided he was taking it as he’d been fouled and he shat it over the wall and comfortably over the bar.

Moss decides that Danny Rose twatting Romeu with his elbow is fine but the Saints man is away and feeds Long who beats Alderwanker who gets lucky as it bounces off of Shane and runs through to the keeper.  Chadli is on for Mason as a last throw of the dice for Plan A Pochettino and a bit of Spurs pressure results in two goal kicks given instead of two corners by a lino who is clearly balancing up the referee.  It’s funny to see them not happy.

As we approach the 90, the board goes up and it's 5 minutes with a couple of those being for the drinks break we had so Pochettino could try and come up with a Plan B.  JWP comes on for Tadic as we try and see it out and we look like the more likely to score as Pellè is winning everything and one flick on finds Long who lashes it over the bar as it drops.  The tireless Long is at it again next as he breaks and this time squares it to JWP who smashes it high, wide and into the crowd.

There is time for one more attempt by Moss to even it up as Fonte breathes on Kane who collapses for a free kick about 40 yards out on the left in the 95^th minute.  In it comes from Eriksen and it bounces down for Chadli who is 6 yards out with the goal at his mercy but he’s reckoned without the fucking massive goalkeeper who builds the wall and deflects it away.  We don’t clear the resulting corner decisively and it ends up with Kane on his left foot and from the edge of the box he has a wild ridiculous swing and well wide.  Goal kick, bang… final whistle.

You never quite know what your first words are going to be at the final whistle but today, mine were ‘fucking have it you cunts’.  Absolutely fucking brilliant and a deserved win against that bunch of twats who we have been trying and failing to beat for the last four seasons. The only way it could have been sweeter is if Spurs still had a chance of winning the league before today.  As it is, what we've done is given Arsenal chance to finish above them which would stick in the throat of every Spurs supporter as that's where they always finish. Explain that one away in your interview, Mauricio.  It's a shame no journalist will have the balls to ask him what it's like to lose to the club that you tried to fuck over, who are doing quite well without you.   It's nice to have a manager with more than just a Plan A but I’m sure Pochettino is pondering how he got ‘out managed’ on his lap of appreciation.

Ronald got it spot on today, starting with Clasie to hassle everybody and then bringing on Romeu when we needed to mix it a bit more in the second half to stop Spurs getting back into it.  I never really felt like they were going to score in the second half until the last seconds which I was convinced was going to be a goal.  As the players tired in the heat, it was also a good call to bring Graziano on, not least because the substituted Mané was getting the shit kicked out of him with no protection from the referee John Moss who really should fuck off back to being the drummer in Culture Club.

Today it was the combination of Tadic and Davis that was dominant throughout, not only on the two goals but also the great chance in the first half when Tadic should have squared it for Davo to tap in. It's amusing that Davo scored twice when his finishing is usually shocking and even today, he's managed to score from two scuffers.  He won't care and no do we.  Once again, Shane was a complete fucking nightmare for Alderweireld and Vertonghen, neither of whom really fancied running back towards their own goal into the space behind them.  At the back, Cuco Martina still takes years off my life every time he plays but the other three were all superb aside from that horrible moment when Fonte tried to shield the ball out of play with Harry Kane right up his arse. The six-year contract man was just a massive presence all game and Big Vic, Clasie and Romeu totally plugged any gaps are in front of the centre backs.  Finally, there was the big man in goal. Sure, he fucked up on the Spurs goal but the save from Chadli in the last minute certainly made up for it.

This win, coupled with West Ham's defeat has moved us up to 6th in the league.  We are three points behind Manchester United, a point ahead of West Ham and two points ahead of Liverpool but all these teams have a game in hand.  However, West Ham and United are playing each other during the week so there's going to be points dropped somewhere and Liverpool are going to have one eye on the Europa league final which if they win of course, qualifies them for next season's Champions League so all their eggs are going to be firmly in that basket. If we finish where we are now however, then we will be in the Europa League again next year but we have to beat a Crystal Palace side next week, who have already beaten us twice this season. Hopefully, the fact that they have an FA Cup Final at a week later will mean that they won't give a shit.

Anyway, that’s next week.  For now I’m going to enjoy being a smug bastard at work and I intend to be a bit of a bell end.  Brighton, where I work, tends to have a lot of London club fans living there and there are a few I need to have a word with tomorrow.