Premier League Match 15 - Southampton 1 Aston Villa 1

Garde Applauds as Another Player Wastes Time

No matter how bad your recent form, a visit from Aston Villa should be the perfect way to kick start a run of decent results.  This is because results are telling us that they are complete shite with just five points from 14 games, a situation that no team has ever recovered from to stay up.  They have dispensed with the services of Captain Bellend Tim Sherwood and appointed Remi Garde as their new manager.  If they thought his apppointment was going to signal an upturn in results then they were right – they got a draw.  At that rate of improvement, they should reach the magical 40 point mark by May 2019.  It’s a scandal really how such a big iconic club can have got themselves in such a state.  It’s what happens when the owner of a club doesn’t care too much or when he runs out of money.

Talking of scandals – we’ve had three days to get over the Liverpool game but I haven’t yet.  It was unbelievably bad and I expect a few of the players to pay for it in the team selection.  I think I would rather be playing a decent side today – one where we knew we had to play well in order to get a result.  It’s ridiculous that you have to worry about your players not putting it all in but yes, that Liverpool game was that bad.

In the event, the only changes were the return of José Fonte and JWP being preferred to Clasie who has a detention at school.  The bench looked spectacularly underwhelming with two defenders, two defensive midfielders, a goalkeeper and two strikers, one of which was Juanmi.  Gaston was nowhere to be seen and nor was Maya Yoshida.  Villa had a few problems with Micah Richards being out so the defence looked very dodgy.

We start well, winning a free kick which JWP whips in.  It’s cleared to Mané who beats a defender on the outside and pulls it back, finding Tadic on the edge of the box.  It’s a free shot on his left foot and it has to hit the target but he lamely sidefoots it over the bar.  Utter shite.  Another great chance follows as Big Vic puts Tadic away and he puts in a great ball from the left and Pellè lunges at hit and sends it into orbit from about 6 yards.  Big Vic then heads wide at the back post when he should have headed it across and we haven’t played 5 minutes yet.  Another chance goes begging when Tadic gets a ball over from the right and Mané chests down before lashing miles high and wide.  Four presentable chances, none on target.

We are in complete control of the game but a lot is breaking down with the final ball.  A ball gets played to Pellè who spins away from the defender and gets wrestled to the ground by Okore who is more or less the last man.  Free kick… surely that’s at least a yellow then?  Apparently not. Twat referee.  On 20 minutes, a corner drops of José Fonte about 6 yards out after a Guzan flap and though his poked effort beats Guzan, Gestede is there to kick if off the line.  The next corner presents another headed chance to Mané but he heads over the bar…. From 2 yards.  Fucking hell.

So, we haven’t scored in 20 minutes so now of course, it’s time to sit back and allow Villa to play themselves into the game.   I thought it might be better if Plan B was to try getting a shot on target but no, sitting off is where it’s at.  Pass, pass, pass with no urgency in closing down.  When we get it back, usually courtesy of Villa passing it straight out of play for no reason, our build up is so slow that they’ve got 10 behind the ball by the time we try and play a through ball.  We also love trying to walk the ball into the net and we favour trying to get past the massed ranks of Villa defenders by playing trying lodas of flicks and tricks on the edge of the box before we lose it.  Twenty minutes of tedium go by with no decisiveness or quality and just a JWP booking for a tackle that was 5 minutes late.

It’s bollocks and then it gets more bollocks when Fonte gives the ball away and Virgil has to bale him out and give away a corner.  Vertout mis-kicks it across at knee height, JWP misses it at the near post and it skims across the box to where Lescott is waiting at the back post and he knocks it in easily.  Fucking hell. What a wank goal.  Utterly ridiculous.  Half time and a quick boo as the players leave the field.  How the fuck are we losing to this lot?

Half time and we are rid of the annoying bald bloke.  The ‘new direction’ that was announced as a reason for him leaving and joining Spurs (I shit ye not) is to have Francis Benali’s daughter Kenzie present exactly the same half time and pre-match routine.  To be fair, she’s pretty good and a lot less irritating than the bald bloke but it’s amusing that they leave her surname out when announcing her name.  Everyone knows who she is and who her dad is.  All we want to know is can she drop kick Nick Barmby in the head or launch John Fashanu at the moon.

The second half starts quite slowly… well we win a corner as Mané has a shot deflected wide but Tadic takes it and it’s it’s shite and headed away by the first defender.  The next 10 minutes sees Steve Davis driving everyone on and he’s absolutely everywhere whilst others like Big Vic and JWP are playing like they’re wearing concrete boots.  A Cédric cross arrives with Davis at the back post.  He brings it down with his chest and volleys it but some bastard defender throws himself at it and it deflects off him and over the bar.  Great defending to be fair.

Big Vic has picked up a knock and is limping away to be substituted which is a lame end to what has been a poor performance by the big man and on comes Oriol Romeu and Tadic is off after another performace that has had the odd decent pass mixed in with 95% frustrating bollocks.  Whilst I’m quite pleased that he’s gone off, I’m not so delighted with Juanmi coming on.

Juanmi appears to be on some sort of mission though and the two subs have definitely livened things up.  Not only does Juanmi actually touch the ball but he has a header at the back post which goes wide from another decent Cédric cross.  It’s the kind of position that Shane Long scored from against Man City a week ago and against Newcastle on the opening day.  Just saying.  Juanmi looks likely though and after a rare Villa incursion into our half, we break and Davis puts him away, running at Okore.  He shoots and Guzan saves well

On 71 minutes we win a corner out on our left.  JWP swings it over and in slides Romeu to bundle it in at the back post.  Thank fuck for that.  Romeu piles into the net to grab the ball so we can get on with it but hang on, a Villa player has gone down out on the left wing.  72, 73, 74… get him off for fucks sake.  Oh look he’s up and alright.

For reasons unknown, Villa get a bit adventurous and get into our half for the second time in the second half and nearly score as we all ball watch as Vertout chips is across and Westwood has a free volley at the back post but he takes a leaf out of our school of finishing and smashes it into the crowd.

Before long, Shane Long is on for Mané who has been trying hard without it working.  I feel a bit sorry for him as he spends most of his time running away from the goal on the right wing.  We have to find a way to get him up the middle with Pellè.  Time ticks by, usually with a Villa player on the ground or the referee imploring Guzan to get a fucking move on with his goal kicks.  We’re not creating much though other than with set pieces.  JWP puts in a ball from a free kick, awarded for a cynical Hutton pull back on Juanmi (similar to the one Okore did on Pellè in the first half which got nothing) and Lescott heads it for a corner.  JWP again and Virgil heads over.  As we approach the 90 mark, Shane has an optimistic shot into the side netting.  From the resulting goal kick, Guzan finally gets booked for taking an age.  Oh that’s really worth it ref you fucking twat.

The board goes up, 5 minutes.  You have to be taking the piss.  There is no grandstand finish and not a lot happens aside from Villa players rolling around on the ground and them limping off to be substituted from one side of the pitch to the other.  Fucking Stephen Hawking could move faster than that.  Spot on 5 minutes – the end. Fuck.

Whatever way you dress it up, this is an appalling result against quite possibly the worst Premier League team I have ever seen. They were absolutely shit and yet we've managed to draw with them because of the shit goal that we gave away and our ineptitude at sticking the ball in the fucking net. This game it should have been dead in the first 15 minutes but after that we did our usual and stopped playing with any urgency and allowed Villa to get a foothold in the game.

Once we'd equalised then Villa just disrupted the shit out of it with convenient injuries and time wasting, the like of which I don't think I've ever seen. That's not their fault though and all teams do it to a degree. My issue is with the fucking referee Anthony Taylor who let them get away with it. Booking the goalkeeper in the 90th minute is going to achieve fuck all. It would be partially acceptable if the referee added the correct amount of time at the end but that’s only part of the issue. It's the total disruption of the game and absolutely taking the piss.

How the fuck can there only be five minutes added at the end. There were six substitutions so that's three minutes straight away. When we scored it took three minutes to kick off again whilst a player feigned injury. Then we had Guzan taking the piss on every goalkick and every free kick and throw-in was taking ages. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that there should have been double the amount that was actually added.

The substitutions that were made today made us a lot better which is unusual of late. I have to admit that I am moaned like a bastard when Juanmi came on but he did more in his first 10 minutes than he'd done in his entire Saints career to date. Romeu coming on for Big Vic made an enormous difference as well because the Spaniard played with energy and most importantly, he obviously gives a shit. It's not obvious that Big Vic gives a shit anymore.

I thought he was irreplaceable at the start of the year but he looks a much worse player this season. I think he is being asked to do more creatively and he just doesn't have it in his locker to do anything apart from win the ball and play it simply. In addition, his attitude is clearly not all that it should be at the moment. If you're genuinely sorry and want to forget about the transfer to Spurs that didn't happen, then why are you still talking about it every month or so.

The midfield is still our main problem area instead but it was also noticeable that JWP played better once the substitution had been made. Stephen Davis in midfield was magnificent however, especially in the second half where he led by example and continually drove the team forward.

Up front, Tadic did my head in after the first 10 minutes. His set pieces were uniformly shite and he gave the ball away constantly. His role in the team is to provide quality in delivery and final ball but nothing was happening, hence our struggle to score again a shite team. Mané was again too wide to be most effective and Graziano hardly got any service again.

Bollocks to it.  Whilst I’ve been procrastinating in getting this written, we’ve had the 3^rd Round Draw for the FA Cup.  We could have got the Skates or Eastleigh but instead we’ve got a boring and shit draw, at home to Crystal Palace.  It’s boring because we play them twice a season anyhow and it’s shite because they’re a good side and it’ll be tough… and of course they knocked us out last year.

Next up in the league we have… Crystal Palace away. I told you the cup draw was boring.