Quality Finish....
The Saints Board couldn’t have known this was going to be a
nothing game when they heavily subsidised the ticket and travel prices but
obviously thought that a further inducement was needed and threw in a cardboard
mask of a player for everyone and a free scarf.
I went to a wedding once where there were celebrity cardboard masks and
we had pictures of Wayne Rooney banging Camilla Parker-Bowles who was the
oldest we could find. I expect to see a
Vodka and Charlie picture of our goalkeeper on the #sfcselfie tag on Twitter.
Swansea have had an odd season. They did ok in the Europa League and this
doubtless affected their league form and they ended up as surprise relegation candidates. That they didn’t get sucked into it was down to the
form of Wilfried Bony up front who has rattled in 15 league goals and notable
performances by Jonjo Shelvey in midfield who is a player we have come across
many times over the last few years and I’ve never been impressed by. They swapped manager in mid-season with
ex-Saints Garry Monk replacing Michael Laudrup.
Can you imagine if that swap had been made during their playing
careers? They were at slightly different
ends of the ability spectrum weren’t they?
Anyway, Monk has done ok and looks like he’s going to get given the job
for next season. I like Swansea as a
club as like us, they believe in passing it on the floor and the whole club is
set up to play this way and fair play to them.
The impressive showing by the Big Vic-Corky-Davis midfield
three last week led to speculation as to what decision Mauricio would make now
they were all fit. I read that Corky
would be dropped and this would be the final straw for him at the club…. What utter
shit. Even if he had been dropped that
wouldn’t have been the case. As it was
however, the decision wasn’t required because of Sir Rickie Lambert’s
arse. Having torn Everton a new arsehole
last week, he’d managed to tear something similar on himself and was fit only
for the bench. Big Sam continued up
front with Morgan shoe-horned into the midfield and something told me that we
were going to have lots of possession.
Swansea started well and knocked the ball about but as is
their way, they didn’t do much with it until we presented them with the ball
near our goal. Jose Fonte knocked a
back-pass to King Artur who safely distributed it and Steve Davis got himself
in a right state in the right back position and started running across the top
of the penalty area, persued by Shelvey who got a toe to the ball and poked it
to Bony. He back heeled it to Hernandez
who had a free hit at The King from the edge of the box but luckily for us and
Mr Davis, the finish was tame and Artur got across well to beat it away. The rebound fell to de Guzman who took a
touch and then shat it over the bar.
Shall we play properly now then? Not just yet as the next
chance fell to the Swans as well as Shelvey was allowed to ping a cross in and
Bony got up and flicked a header wide.
Next to head wide was Morgan who took his turn to break into the box and
was in the right place as Big Vic switched play to England’s Number 3, whose
cross was good but Morgan’s header was not.
Saints were now having all the possession that I thought
they were going to have but we weren’t doing anything with it until Big Sam picked up a Lallana pass, turned and charged towards goal and reached the edge
of the area before being unceremoniously turfed up in the air by Amat to give
us a free kick on the left of the penalty area.
With Sir Rickie and Gaston off the pitch, I expected Morgan or Adam
Lallana to hit it but Dejan obviously shouted loudest and curled it over the
wall and just over the bar at the near post.
Six inches lower and Vorm wasn’t getting it.
England’s Number 2 then got in on the act and got a run at
Davies at left back and annihilated him.
His cross was superb and right onto the head of Big Sam who tried to
flick it but got under it and headed over from 6 yards when he really should
have scored.
Bony should also have scored before half time as Swansea
went route 1 and Hernandez headed down Shelvey’s cross only for Bony to lash it
over the bar as he shat himself as the large Polish nutter come flying out.
There is a distinct half-arsed 3rd place playoff feel
to this game and the second half starts without any sort of spark. Corky mazies this way thorough midfield and
sets up Adam who tries his luck from range but doesn’t really get hold of it
and Vorm picks it up easily enough.
Sir Rickie is on for Adam just after the hour mark which is
not the substitution you would make if the game meant anything. Swansea bring on Nathan Dyer Bag Thief who is
often forgotten by the media when they talk of Saints Academy alumni but here
he is in the Premier League so it’s another feather in the cap. I wonder if he still keeps in touch with
Bollocks Wright-Phillips? There’s a little
bit of Swansea pressure and King Artur comes and misses a corned which Ashley
Williams gets his head to but it flies over.
Dejan needlessly hoofs Bony over which gives them a free kick which they
waste and we have another victim of Big Vic as Pablo Hernandez jinks in from
the left but as he’s about to shoot, he runs into Vic and all the air in his
lungs leaves his body at once and the shot dribbles along the ground.
It’s like an episode of Doctor Who or Star Trek as we time
jump over a tedious passage of play. JWP
is on for Big Sam and Harry Reed in on for Corky as we enter the last few
minutes of this instantly forgettable 0-0 draw. 93 minutes were on the clock and the stewards were getting ready for the
pitch invasion when Davis chipped a ball through towards Sir Rickie, Williams sliced
it miles up in the air as Vorm came out and it came down practically on the
goal line, hit Sir Rickie on the shoulder when he wasn’t even looking at it and
bobbled into the net. What a shit goal
but we’ll have it. After the Everton
double own goal last week, it’s becoming a welcome trend but this one will go
down as Sir Rickie’s 12th league goal of the season. Get in!
Full time and happy days.
Much was made in the post match interviews of the fact that this
is our best points haul in the Premier League.
Whilst I can remember that football did exist before the Premier League
and remember us finishing 2nd, it’s not an achievement that should be
sniffed at. Football is a very different beast now to what it was in the
pre-Prem days so it’s quite something to be up on 55 points. Five years ago we were getting relegated out
of the championship with the worst Saints team that I’d ever seen.
It’s hard to read anything too much into this game other
than it’s always good to win away from home and there was another clean sheet for
the boys at the back which remarkably, has coincided with the return of King
Artur, Nathaniel Clyne and Big Vic.
Mauricio believes we deserved our luck and I’d say that’s
true, If all that shite about it evening
up over a season is true though, I still want to see us get given 4 penalties
for handball next week at home to Manchester United. Talking of which – their brave new era that
every media outlet as creaming over last week lasted all of 6 days as they got
a Moyes-era result, losing at home to Sunderland who look like they’re staying
up now, barring legal challenges against their lack of points deduction for
fielding an ineligible player in 4 games.
One of the games the illegal played in was the 1-1 draw with us at the
start of the season so maybe if we do eventually get awarded those extra 2
points then we can catch Man United after all.
That’s about as likely as Ryan Giggs being invited around to his brothers’
house for dinner and polite conversation.
One more game to go.
Guly’s last game for the club in all likelihood – lets hope he gets on
the pitch.
This match report is about as half-arsed as the game.
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