Lets Face It Crouchy. She is far too good for you!
If you asked fans of the other 19 teams in the Premier
League to rank all the other teams in the order of how much you like them and
then averaged out the results, the chances are that Stoke would be somewhere
near 19th place, fighting it out with Manchester United. Mark Hughes has been charged with changing
what makes Stoke unlikeable and that of course is the hoof it, kick it, smash
it up in the air mentality that they have had over the past few years. Can you knock it though as they’ve been very
successful with it. Like with Fat Sam
at West ham though, if you don’t get results then even your own fans will not
have a lot of goodwill if they all go home in neck braces after a game. Apparently they are changing the way they
play so we shall see. Remember that we
let in a goal from 90 yards against them last time out.
All has been pretty quiet at SMS this week aside from the
sad news that Sam Gallagher’s father passed away so he’s not involved
today. I had hoped that the close of
the transfer window would see a reduction in the number of bollocks articles
written for at least a few months until the season ends but no, Luke Shaw is
still off to Chelsea and Man United, only he isn't, as well all know though i do understand that he's passed medicals at both...yawn!
The weather is still shit.
I arrive at the ground feeling like I’ve had a course of botox as I
can’t feel my face having battered my way against the wind to cross the Itchen
Bridge. Whilst on the bridge I take
advantage of a 3G signal which stops working when you get top within half a
mile of SMS and find out the teams.
Corky is in over Big Vic and Clyney is back in for Calum Chambers who
picked up a dead leg last week. Lloyd
Isgrove has made the bench again but there’s only really Guly as a recognized
forward option. Stoke have Peter Crouch
up front, all 7 foot and 6 stone of him and they have Ryan Shawcross in defence
who is a complete thug though missing his usual partner Robert Huth, who is an
even bigger thug.
Considering the amount of rain that has fallen in the past
month, it’s quite remarkable how good the pitch looks at SMS as the ball is
worked back to the Stoke centre halves who launch it into orbit. At least this time it didn’t bounce over King
Artur and make it 1-0. Saints first
attack of note came to a halt as Charlie Adam put in a strong tackle on J-Rod,
won the ball and gave us a corner. The
corner was worked short to Sir Rickie who tried to curl in a cross but Adam
charged it down about a foot outside the penalty area and gave us a free kick. Luckily the ref is not Twattenburg and he
gave it. It’s on the side of the penalty
are and it’s obvious that Sir Rickie is going to shoot and shoot he does,
curling it round the ball, past the keeper and in off the post, just below the
crossbar – fucking brilliant, 1-0.
We have developed a bit of a habit recently of conceding a goal
straight after we’ve scored and we have another go as Assaidi (loaned from
Liverpool) gets down the left, crosses it into Walters who tees up Odemwingie
whose shot is scuffed a bit and easy enough for Artur to save. I have to say that for the next 15 minutes or
so, Stoke look quite decent in that they are trying to pass the ball, usually
though Adam in the centre of midfield.
When we’ve got it they are closing us down very quickly and not giving
Lallana or J-Rod any chance to run with it or create much. As a spectacle, it’s a bit crap.
Saints have a great opening as we approach the half hour
which stems from a Stoke corner which is cleared. Steve Davis nips in front of Muniesa on the
edge of our penalty area and he’s away, carrying the ball 70 yards before
sliding in the overlapping player who happens to be Nathaniel Clyne. He hits a decent sidefooted effort which is
well read by Begovic and beaten away.
The ball eventually finds its way to Sir Rickie in the centre and his
chip into the box is once again handled by Adam and this time he does get
booked for it. Whilst we were all hoping
for a repeat, Sir Rickie’s effort this time starts off too central and Begovic
catches it dismissively. Begovic is
getting volumes of Skate abuse from the Northam which is all well and good but
lets remember that he hardly played a game for them, got sold to Stoke and it
costs the Skates a million because Spurs had first refusal on him. Sounds like he’s up there with Antii Niemi as
a legend who took them for fortunes without contributing anything at all.
We are meandering towards half time and I’m looking forward
to a second goal just after half time and a canter to the 3 points but out of a
place where there is no danger whatsoever, Adam pings a ball forward, dissects
Shaw and Yoshida and as King Artur comes out, Odemwingie just has to touch it
past him which he duly does for 1-1.
Bollocks, what a simple goal that was. If we’d managed to get
to half time then Odemwingie might have been sat in some other clubs car park
waiting for his agent.
We haven’t got time to get too annoyed about it as we win a
throw in on the right wing, Clyne throws it to Steve Davis who turns and curls
it in left footed, Sir Rickie and Shawcross go for it and miss it and everyone
else including Begovic leaves it and watch it bounce into the net.
So all is well with the world again and we have time for a
quick blast of ‘you’re not singing anymore’ before the Stoke fans are singing
again as they win a corner from a long throw.
Adam fires it over and that big lanky streak of piss gets in front of
Jose, in front of King Artur and it somehow bobbles into the net. One shit goal each conceded then.
Half time and it really is quite bizarre that the half will
be seen as some sort of great entertainment as there were 4 goals in it when in
fact, there was precious little quality in it aside from Sir Rickie’s free kick
and Charlie Adam’s pass and nothing much of any note between the 5th
minute and the first Stoke equalizer.
My half time conversations earwigging is quality though. The people who sit behind me in the Family
Stand are three 45-60 year olds. The
term ‘Family Stand’ implies having kids with you but it appears these guys have
just decided to buy tickets there and the club has not picked up on it until
now – hence the letter that we all go regarding the ratio of 2:1 for over 17s
to Under 17s. It’s amusing as you would
have expected the Iron Fist of Cortese to have picked up on that. Anyway, they have to move for next season
which is good for me as they talk complete shit.
The five minutes of excitement that happened before the
break is replaced by tedium after the break.
We’re trying to play but Stoke are defending well and whereas in the
first half they played decent-ish footbvall, they’ve now reverted to type a bit
and it’s the 60 yard bomb up to Crouch and hope for the best. We have another quick break and Clyne gets a
cross in by Steve Davis can’t get enough on the header to trouble Begovic who
is not getting a constant stream of Skate related abuse from the Chapel. There’s a brilliant Judo throw from Shawcross
who puts both arms round Jose at a corner and throws him to the ground, safe in
the knowledge that it’s not a penalty unless it’s Twattenburg and it’s a Saints
player doing the holding.
Jose Fonte gets up a head of steam as he brings the ball out
from the back and ends up feeding Sir Rickie whose shot is deflected over for
a corner which Davis chips straight to Begovic.
Crouch and Fonte tangle from Stoke’s next bomb forward and Crouch clearly
kicks out as Jose as the ball is cleared.
It’s nothing really but on another day with another ref and a linesman
who’s awake and it’s a red card. From
that incident, Shaw gets on a run and you can see the foul from Whelan coming
from a mile off and he just hacks him over.
How the referee does not see this as a booking is quite amazing. The resulting free kick sees Sir Rickie head
back across but unfortunately he’s picked out Corky who is about as likely to
score as Katharina Liebherr is to appear pissed on the pitch at half time with
a microphone in her hand like Delia Smith.
No, neither happened. What does
happen though is an amusing chant of ‘your wife’s too good for you’ aimed at
The Giraffe…. And she is. He got caught
banging a hooker as well didn’t he…. Muppet!
There was 20 minutes of nothingness apart from another of
those flash-hailstorms which we seem to specialise in at the moment and if you
looked to the bench for inspiration then there really wasn’t any. Chambers came on for Clyne in a straight swap
but Mauricio saw no need to call on Guly or Lloyd Isgrove as attacking
options. We had one final chance on 82
minutes as Chambo chipped a ball over the defence and Morgan met it on the
volley from a tight angle but rammed it into the side netting.
In keeping with the rest of the second half, the last 10
minutes just lamely ticked by and so it ended 2-2 and all a bit disappointing
considering we were in front twice and coughed up poor goals to allow Stoke to
equalize twice. I think that Mauricio
was influenced by the Villa home game a few weeks back when at 2-2 we went for
it with attacking substitutions and lost the game 3-2. Had we had a Ramierz, Osvaldo or even
Gallagher on the bench then I think he’d have gone for it. Having said that, I think either Guly or
Isgrove could have been given 10 minutes at the end to see if they could have
won it for us. It was also slightly
surprising that Big Vic and JWP were left on the bench but I guess with a midweek game
coming up that it wasn’t worth risking it.
Jose Fonte was on interview duty after the game and talk
predictably turned to the training ground incident with The Prick. Jose revealed that The Prick had apologised after a
fashion but that these things take time to sort out. Basically ‘good riddance’ with more words and
fair enough. Enough of Osvaldo then but
wait…
The Saints media department pulled out a gem with #LovrenLive
which as the name suggests, involved Dejan live tweeting from the game. It was amusing as the man is obviously a
character. It is a shame though that
there are some numpties out there who don’t see this as a positive thing. I did a quick scan of Twitter and found a
hashtag called #OsvaldoLive. These were
all swiftly deleted but I found them anyway.
5 mins. GOLAZO!!!!
Rickie Lambert. Bastard never let me
take-a the free kicks. #fatty #osvaldolive
6mins I would nut him but he too big and from Liverpool #calmdown #hardman #osvaldolive
27mins SHIT!! Call that a shot Clyne. I stamp-a on your head. #defendershot #osvaldolive
37mins Goal Stoke.
Where the fuck was Fonte. #headbutt #osvaldolive
40mins You can’t always get what you want #Juve #osvaldolive
41mins GOAAAAL! Davis.
Fucking fluke. Shit English
football #Oirish #osvaldolive
43mins Goal Stoke. Giraffe.
I’d nut him but too tall #streakofpiss #osvaldolive
44mins Where the fuck were you Artur you fucking… no, bad
move, how you delete #osvaldolive #sorry #vodka #charlie
45mins I off back to Italy.
Fuck you #osvaldolive
I back. Had new tattoo of penis on my forehead #osvaldolive
@jerryhall Yes, I am @MickJagger lovechild #osvaldolive
64mins - Giraffe has kicked Fonte. Fucking nut him Peter. I did #osvaldolive
65mins - Kick in bollocks or head-butt. Nothing else will do #hardman #osvaldolive
65mins - Giraffe’s wife too good for him. I go and visit, she needs Pirate Portion #fit
#osvaldolive
82mins - @JordanSibley looking at me funny. I kick him in bollocks #Justice #3matchban #osvaldolive
83mins – I was born, in a crossfire hurricane #osvaldolive
88mins – Ingleesh football is shit #Malvinas #osvaldolive
90mins – I go with #honkytonkwoman #undercoverofthenight
#gimmeshelter #osvaldolive
95mins – Thank fuck that over. I loan to @Juventus. Fuck You and Ingleesh football #Arrivederci #osvaldolive
OK, I may have made some of that up.
Today was ultimately disappointing but the way I look at it
is that Stoke did a pretty good job at stifling us today, especially in the
second half and probably deserved their point.
It was certainly the quietest game that Adam Lallana has had for a long
time and no one really stepped up to shoulder the creative burden. Steve Davis probably did as much as anyone
and he’s been excellent recently, probably helped by the fact that he has JWP
breathing down his neck for a place in the starting XI. We needed options off the bench to win it
today and we didn’t have any. I hate to
say it but The Prick Osvaldo would have been useful to have on the bench today. He was too busy tweeting though. Stoke are a tough team to beat, especially
when you give them something to hang onto.
Though the first goal was a decent pass, there was a huge gap at the
back and no pressure on Adam in midfield which is unusual for us and the second
goal was definitely preventable. Before
anyone bitches about the weather… it was the same for both teams. I did look at the corner flags for a bit in
the second half (more exciting than the
football) to try and work out which way the wind was blowing and it was blowing
about 4 directions at once so it can’t have been easy to play in which may
partly explain why it was a poor game.
Next up we have Hull City Tiger Leopard Cheetah Ocelots at
the KC Stadium on a Tuesday night in another triumph for the fixture computer. It’s a similar rule to the one which says
every game at Sunderland must be a 1pm kick off but this one specifically says
“Hull v Southampton, fucking long way = Tuesday night”. Hull looked to be heading right back into the
relegation mix until they beat Uncle Gus’s lot today. They’ve signed a couple of forwards including
Jelavic from Everton and my favourite moaning diving little fucker in Shane
Long. Should be a good game but one I
expect to get something from. Match of
the Day predictably said that the first half today was great and the second was
poor which is not true. Both halves were
poor, it’s just that the first half had goals in it.
Miss You #rollingstones #osvaldolive
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