Premier League Match 11 - Southampton 4 Hull City 1

Hey! Southampton! Go Away....

Hull City were the visitors to St.Mary’s for a 3pm kick off on a Saturday.  The torrential rain of the morning had given way to a kind of misty damp rain which when added to the cold, made the walk to the ground over the Itchen Bridge not that great.  Every time I looked at the Championship table last year, I was expecting Hull to fall away but they didn’t and ended up getting promoted in 2^nd place.  I’ve never particularly rated Steve Bruce as a manager but this was a serious achievement and he’s signed a few players for this season who are decent like Curtis Davies, Tom Huddlestone and Jake Livermore on loan.  They are sat happily in mid-table as they are hard to beat, especially at home and have managed to get points of teams that will be around them this season.  However, a quick look down their line up reveals another one to add to the list of “How the Fuck Are They Getting a Game in the Premier League?”.  Adding to Phillippe Senderos and Liam Ridgewell, I give you Paul McShane... you have to be having a laugh.  I’m sure there’s a 10 minute, one man car crash You Tube compilation video of him making a mess of just about every defensive situation you could find yourself in.

I expect that when the fixtures came out, games against Saints were ones that they and their supporters would have been targeting as likely fixtures to get points in.  To be fair, both teams have surpassed the expectations of everyone so far this season but if Saints are serious about the Top 6 then we need of course to beat Hull at home.  I understand that Roy Hodgson is in the crowd to come and see some English players.  It’s going to be hard for him because usually there’s only 1 or 2 on any one team whereas we have 6 starting plus Morgan Schneiderlin but more of that later.  Saints are unchanged from the last league game and the only notable selection is on the bench where Sam Gallagher is preferred to both Tadanari Lee and Gaston Ramirez who are both hopefully paying the price for being absolutely gash on Wednesday at Sunderland.  In Gaston’s case, it’s probably more likely that he’s been allowed to join up with Uruguay for their World Cup Playoff match against Jordan who are massive up front and are very quick to spread their legs and every fucking move they make is on TV.  What do you mean, wrong Jordan?

Hull have come dressed as Chelsea and away we go.  My 9 year old son notices straight away that we have a female linesperson.  He said it was “unusual” which is much better than getting all Richard Keys and Andy Gray and mentioning ironing, cooking or smashing it.  The first decent action sees Lallana pick the ball up on the right and totally do Figueroa with a variation of the Cruyff turn before putting a marvellous cross into the mixer which was expertly flicked clear by the diving Curtis Davies as Sir Rickie closed in.

We’re looking good though despite Big Vic appearing to be in daydream mode with his passes generally not reaching the intended target.  On Hull’s rare appearances in our half, the muscular presence of Sagbo is causing a few problems for Jose but we don’t care about any of those negatives on 15 minutes as Clyney digs out a cross from near the corner, Sir Rickie rises at the back stick and heads it across and in comes Morgan Schneiderlin to place a header over Harper and into the top corner, simple as you like.

Hull are playing a novel defensive system which allows Saints players to run around in the Hull penalty area totally unhindered.  Clyne is away again down the right and fires over another superb cross which is just over the head of Sir Rickie in the middle.  Are Hull going to sort things out back there or is this going to be over by half time?

The answer is that they seem determined to give us the win and Sir Rickie just puts a little bit too much on a ball into the unmarked Lallana’s feet.  Where’s Paul McShane?

A minute later and the ball is with King Artur who taps it to Dejan Lovren.  Under no pressure he passes it forty yards forwards to Sir Rickie who under no pressure plays in Lallana who is racing into the penalty area as Harper comes out like a twat and hoofs him over.  By giving us a penalty, the keeper has of course given us a goal but Hull had 10 outfield players who did sod all to try and prevent the move forwards.  A booking for the keeper which was the right decision as it was out by the corner of the penalty area and then the inevitable happened. Sir Rickie, bang, top corner, 33/33.  Get the fuck in and the Northam sing Rickie Lambert – he’s off to Brazil!  Over to you Roy.

And then a ridiculous moment.  As I’m old enough, I’m put in mind of Matt le Tissier in the opening game on the 1988 season as he waltzed through the West Ham defence to score.  Sir Rickie plays a ball front he left touchline into Lallana who is 30ish yards out.  He turns away from Huddlestone before running at the right back.  He darts inbetween El Mohamady and Davies towards the goal line and cuts in and curls it round Harper and into the far corner.  It’s fucking magic, it really is.  3-0 and this game is done, it really is.  On looking at the replay it gets better every time but there’s another classic for the McShane highlight reel as instead of closing Adam down as he cuts in, he totally fails to sense the danger and goes to wrong way. Adam Lallana – he’s off to Brazil !!!

The rest of the first half sees Curtis Davies finally get near a Saints player as he shoves Shaw over and gets booked and then throws a five year olds tantrum.  A lack of concentration at the back almost gifts Hull a goal as we don’t mark up at a corner and Rosenior’s powerful downward header is kicked off the line by a combination of King Artur and Lovren.  We have reached half time and it has been fantastic.

When you’re leading at half time (at risk of sounding like Dave Merrington) what you don’t want to do is give the other team a sniff at the start of the second half and we do well at this and have a period of possession without going anywhere but at least Hull haven’t got the ball.  I would like us to push forward and get another goal but we do the opposite.  King Artur rolls it out to Big Vic on the edge of the box.  As he does so he points towards Clyne, telling Big Vic where to knock it but he lets it run across him and gets burgled by Livermore.  Livermore slips it to Sagbo who guides an excellent effort past Lovren and King Artur and into the bottom corner.  Shit!  Big Vic is looking up at the sky.  It is fair to say that isn’t the best game he’s ever had.

We are now officially in sloppy mode and invite Hull to get back into it.  We allow Huddlestone a free shot from 20 yards which luckily flew straight at King Artur who didn’t spill a drop of vodka as he caught it without moving.  We are still creating chances but the final ball isn’t working and Hull are actually defending now and getting blocks in.  Meyler diverts a Sir Rickie cross that was heading for Shaw away for a corner which is delivered into the mixer and Jose tries a ridiculous volley which cannons off another Hull player and away.  Having said they were defending better they then allow Lallana to bring down a King Artur bomb on his chest and set off towards the goal, playing a 1-2 with Sir Rickie before firing a bit too close to Harper who makes a “one for the cameras” save.  The resulting corner is scrambled to the edge of the box and Morgan’s blast is blocked on the line by Meyler.

Just after the hour mark and Steve Davis on for Big Vic which he’s probably pleased about and Hull take off Meyler who has been anonymous and bring on Danny Graham, a striker who hasn’t scored since he was an Under-13.  I am not unduly concerned.  10 minutes later we bring on Dani Osvaldo for Sir Rickie who is a bit of a better substitute striker.

Dani immediately beats three players out on the left wing and he looks very lively showing some great touches in his first few minutes.  He’s taken over the back post position as well as JWP slings over a cross and the Argentinian-Italian Pirate Rock ‘n’ Roller leaps high and gets a decent header in which Harper grabs on the line.

Morgan manages to get the booking that he was threatened with after about 10 minutes when he clumps Rosenior over and it’s standing ovation time as Adam Lallana is replaced with Corky.  I wonder if Roy was out of his seat.  He bloody well should have been.

The struggle that has been much of this second half disappears in the last minute as J-Rod tried to flick a ball to himself but it went directly to Clyne who fizzed over a cross which Curtis Davies missed, leaving Steve Davis all the time to bring it down and crack it past Harper and into the corner to make it 4-1.  It’s always nice to get a late goal and I dedicate this one to the fans who left early and missed it. I will never understand that.  We look briefly like we might threaten a fifth but J-Rod takes too long to get his shot away and instead, we pass the ball about until the ref has had enough.  4-1 home win and happy days.

‘Chelsea Dagger’ by The Fratellis is playing over the stadium PA as I make my way to the concourse but I’m thinking of another Chelsea, I’m thinking of ‘Chelsea Wanker’ at work as a quick look at the screen in the concourse says to me that we are 3^rd in the Premier League and Chelsea are 4th.  This is quite mad.  How strange it is to be happy about the Baggies getting a point at Chelsea and Palace holding Everton to a draw.  In seasons gone by (and I’m talking pre-2005 as well), I’d have been wanting Chelsea and Everton to grind the smaller teams into the dust but not anymore.  It got even more surreal on Sunday as Spurs lost at home and Man City lost at Sunderland and we didn’t drop any places.  In addition, Arsenal lost to Man United so we are now just the 3 points off of the top of the entire league.  Like I said, quite mad.

As for the game well we were brilliant in the first half and blew away a spirited Hull side.  I expected the second half to be little more than playing the game out but the stupid goal we let in meant we lost about 20 minutes out of the game whilst Hull sniffed an unlikely comeback.  The 4^th goal at the end gave a final score that was a more accurate reflection of the game.  Unusually for an ex-Manchester United player, Steve Bruce was very complimentary of us saying that his side battled well but Saints were just too good and he’s spot on.  I liked the way Hull battled and they certainly seem to have more about them than some of the other sides that will be around the relegation zone in May.  I hope they survive.  Again, like Fulham a few weeks ago though with Phillippe Senderos, you can’t expect too much defensively when you have Paul McShane in your side.  I think Curtis Davies just had a poor match but McShane is really not up to it.

Mauricio talked his post match interview with much more enthusiasm than he managed when picking up the Manager of the Month award.  His (or the translator’s) favourite word is ‘amazing’ and he’s right to describe our performances this way.  I loved that he also talked of the international calls being a positive thing as you won’t find many Premier League Managers who agree with that.  It’s interesting that he spoke glowingly of Morgan Schneiderlin and how he surely can’t be too far away from a French call up.  I liked the little touch of reminding them that he’s probably qualified to play for England.  If I was the French FA, I’d be seeing that quote and seeing Hodgson in the stand and be getting on the phone.

As for the England boys, well Adam Lallana and Sir Rickie were outstanding and J-Rod did well without excelling.  Luke Shaw and JWP had excellent matches but the star Englishman aside from Lallana was Nathaniel Clyne who defended in his usual ‘unbeatable’ fashion and managed to get forward and sling over at least 4 excellent crosses.  Hodgson must have been drooling at what he saw and he was seen joking with The Don on Match of the Day.  Hopefully it was nothing about feeding a monkey.  Seriously though.... Glenn Johnson, Kyle Walker, Chris Smalling or Nathaniel Clyne for right back?  Hmmm, tough one.

For now though, Clyne’s not there but Adam, Sir Rickie and J-Rod are in the England squad for Friday’s match against Chile and next Tuesday against Ze Germans.  It now carries slightly more interest than the average England friendly.  No injuries please as we need all the lads for a 1^st v 3^rd clash the following Saturday versus Arsenal at The Emirates where we got humped 6-1 last year.  I somehow feel that this time will be different.  If we win by 2 goals then we could actually be top of the league.  Now that would be completely mad.

I’m off to work to have some serious banter at the expense of a Chelsea fan.