Capital One Cup 3rd Round - Leeds 3 Southampton 0

Haven't heard a single thing about this match aside from the report in The Times which I managed to read while I was in Holland.  The impression that I have is that is was slightly worse than complete shit.

I will cobble a blog together over the weekend... and here it is....

Seaborne launches into another subtle demonstration of the art of defending.

Just two days after the Spurs defeat and we’re off on the road up to Leeds to play in the Capital One Cup in a genius piece of fixture scheduling.  We had to move the Spurs match as they played on Thursday and it wouldn’t be fair for them to have two games in three days but it was fair for us to have the same problem.  Apparently, we asked for this game to have been played on Wednesday but it was refused… and the Football League wonder why the Premier League sides always play reserve sides in this competition and totally devalue it.  Having said that, even if this game was on the Wednesday or any other day, Nigel would still have picked a reserve side and I got 10 out of 11 with my prediction.

I always forget about Ben Reeves as he’s neither a youngster, nor a first teamer.  He started his career as a left back and then became a midfielder and in this competition last year, played in the ‘Number 10’ role just behind the striker.  It’s either a sign of our weakness at left back or a sign that we don’t know his best position but Reeves took his place at left back in a back 4, along with Butters, Big Jos OG Machine and Desperate Dan Seaborne.  Chappers, JWP and Guly’s Fault made up the midfield with Steeeeeve, Manny and Tadanari Lee up front.  Leeds played their full side including Building Labourer Michael Brown and El Spitter Diouf – I’d say we were second favourites.

I have always believed that you set the tone for your performance in the first few minutes and we kick off and play the ball back to Reeves who immediately gets caught in possession, forcing Seaborne to hack away the incoming cross.  Not a great first few seconds.  We knock the odd ball forward which finds either Mayuka or Lee but in the main it’s all one way and danger arrives on 15 when Guly tries to prove that Brazilians can tackle on a cold midweek night in the North and fails, giving away a free kick.  Said free kick is put to our back post where Diouf hooks it across to ex-Skate Varney who has an open goal from a foot and manages to slide it wide.  It’s one of the most shitty pieces of finishing you’ve ever seen in your life.

More one way traffic later and Tonge, totally unimpeded by our central defenders, heads over the bar after Reeves is torn apart on our left and then Varney proves that he’s better from long range rather than a foot out and cuts through our right hand side and curls one just wide (or did Superkelv get a touch).  More pissing about in defence later and Reeves wafts one across the back four to Desperate Dan who makes a complete bollocks of his back pass to put Varney in again but once again, the ex-Skate is our friend and lobs the stranded Superkelv and sees his shot hit the post and bounce out.

The ref is giving every single challenge as a Leeds free kick and when Mayuka brushes against a Leeds player who goes down like a sack of shit, Leeds get a free kick and we are asleep as it’s taken quickly and yet another cross comes in from our left which Austin heads wide when he really should have done better having made a run from midfield which no one bothered to track.  After all these repeated attempts, we finally manage to let the goal in that we deserve as Varney is once again put away down our right and as it cuts in, he beats Desperate Dan with embarrassing ease before pulling it back to where it half cleared to Tonge who side foots it past Superkelv and Reeves on the line.

So half time and we’ve had the full house of shit defence, ineffective midfield and bugger all up front.  Leeds on the other hand have been excellent and Colin Wanker will be a tad perplexed that they’re not more than one goal in front.

We set the tone for our second half performance with Desperate Dan, under no pressure at all, in a demonstration of utter shite-ness, passing the ball straight to the ex-Skate Varney who then advances to the edge of the box before Desperate hoofs him over to get booked.  Useless Wanker.  We eventually manage to clear the free kick but you can tell that the second half is going to be exactly the same as the first.  It’s all Leeds and Varney continues his one man mission to keep the score respectable by shooting straight at Superkelv who to be fair, makes a decent block.

Just after the hour, the ineffective Steeeeeve is replaced with Lloyd Isgrove who makes his debut and Luke Shaw is on for the equally ineffective Lee and immediately Shaw puts in a decent cross which breaks to Mayuka who takes an age to control it before screwing his effort well wide but on the positive side, at least we’ve had a shot.  Isgrove links well with Chappers to burst into the box but loses the chance to shoot with a poorish touch allowing Leeds to smother the danger.

There are 5 minutes to go and we’re playing ‘shit or bust’ football now but Shaw’s pass forward is intercepted and Austin runs 60 yards at our defence (I use the term 'defence' loosely) before seeing his shot parried by Superkelv into the path of El Spitter who is not Varney so he can’t miss from there and he doesn’t to make it 2-0 and start the coach.  The shit keeps coming and Chappers and Butters manage to fuck up the sort of thing they’ve done every day since they were about 10 as Butters took a throw, Chappers cushioned it back behind him and Butters sliced if off for a corner.  I coach a team of 8 year olds and we've got the "throw in - cushioned back tot he thrower" routine susses.  It’s completely bollocks and the corner is played short to Tonge who runs into the box and falls over under the slightest challenge from Shaw, penalty, up steps Becchio who has been on for about a minute, 3-0, game over and there are two things we should be pleased about; one is that it's over and two is that no ex-Skates scored.  No one really cares though apart from I suspect, the 500 poor buggers who have travelled up there to watch a complete load of apathetic shite.  If Don Cortese is looking for adjustments to make to his loyalty points scheme, he should give priority for every away match to the 500 who went up to watch a game that no one at the club gave a shit about, from the players to the management.

So, what would Nigel have learnt from that… well, I’d have said that if you’re going to rest first teamers then you’re better off playing Under 18s than experienced players who are not getting a game.  What’s the point of playing Desperate Dan?  Everyone knows he isn’t good enough and maybe Jack Stephens would have learnt something from playing.  Calum Chambers would surely have done better than Guly in midfield and to prove my point, Lloyd Isgrove did more than Steeeeve is much less time.  Also, I’d have said that Superkelv was the keeper least in need of playing in this game.  Why play Superkelv when Gazza could have done with the experience of playing in a hostile atmosphere and Boruc could have done with the game for match fitness?  Also, anyone who thinks that the answer to the left back problem is Ben Reeves needs to give their head a wobble – never in a million years.

Nigel took any criticism on the chin and stated that there were players who needed to show they deserved to be in the league side and they didn’t prove anything of the sort.  As I said at the start, the game two days ago gave him an excuse to use for selecting the side that he did but he’d have done that anyway.  Our next game is undeniably much more important though as we appear on Monday night football away at West Brom and we have some positive news in that The Great Gaston is fit and ready to single handedly save our season as we attempt to win every game 5-4.  Maybe more importantly, Jack Cork is also fit to give the midfield a bit more defensive nous.  Start them both I say.