Local Boy, Local Interest, Lovely!
There has been no Saints news since the weekend victory over Brighton, there has however been bullshit. Picture the scene at the Daily Echo.
MONDAY
The ‘Brains Trust’ meet on the top floor.
Editor: OK lads, Today’s edition had the Brighton match report so we’ll flog a few copies. We need a Saints story to boost circulation for the rest of the week. Any ideas?
Hack1: Cortese leaving for Milan? That would destabilise things nicely.
Editor: No, not taking him on again, I’ve got a family
Hack2: It’s the end of the emergency loan transfer window on Thursday
Editor: Excellent, what can we do with that?
Hack2: How about re-hashing our made up bullshit from the last transfer window... you know about the local lad from Poland.
Editor: Oh yeah, that Jutkie..Jerko...Junkki...thingy. Polish lad from Southampton. Excellent, it’s got local interest with him being a local boy. The punters will love it.
Hack2: Connolly’s injured again so we’ll say that it’s an emergency loan with a view to a permanent move in January. How much shall we say for ? Coventry are skint so £1million ?
Editor: Naaaa, the readers like big numbers and it provokes discussion so let’s go £3 million
Office Junior: Are we allowed to run a story that has no factual basis whatsoever and is based on a four month story which was proved to be completely false.
Editor: Stupid boy... and anyway, what do you mean by false. He was born in Southampton and his sister teaches at Bitterne. Go and make me a cup of tea... two lumps.
TUESDAY
Story gets run in the early edition. Online edition tags ‘Coventry’ which sparks a chain of events which begins with the story getting reported on Coventry unofficial websites. Then, the Coventry local paper, The Sky Blue Bore gets hold of it and re-hashes it for the paper edition which causes....
Coventry fans go mad as he’s their best player, only goalscorer and they’re in the bottom 3
Coventry fans then finish the article and think £3m is a good deal.
Coventry fans then get angry again as they hate their owners and know the money won’t be spent on the team. ‘Sack the board’ they cry.
Coventry fans accept that it’s the players’ local club and at the top of the league etc and wish him well.
Saints unofficial websites report the story, adding a player exchange angle for no readily apparent reason, other than that Coventry needs some players. This exchange involves our ‘out of favour’ players... Dickson, Harding, Butterfield, Holmes... as well as Connolly who is out of favour due to being injured and Mick Channon who is out of favour due to being 60.
Coventry fans debate merits of said players – he’s good, he’s shite, I’d take him, why do we want their cast-offs etc.
Meanwhile, back in Daily Echo Towers...
Editor: This Juko, Juttervick...Jank... story is dieing on its arse, circulation only went up by 1 and that was some bloke in Netley who had dogshit on his shoe and needed something to wipe it off with. What can we do?
Hack 2: He was linked with Middlesbrough in the summer....
Editor: Who... Jurkovitch or the dogshit guy ? OK, good... re-hash the re-hash from before from the angle of Middlesbrough preparing a rival bid. Mention “bidding war” as that’s always good. Also, push the player exchange angle as we’ve been given that one on a plate.
WEDNESDAY
Story gets run with the web version tagging Middlebrough.
The Middlesbrough local paper, The Daily Smog gets hold of it.
Boro fans think he’s not worth £3million, doesn’t score enough goals, Everton fans thought he was shite etc, Saints are welcome to him, hometown club etc, why do they want him as they’ve got Lambert?.
Tony Mowbray quoted as ‘not interested in loan players’. Probably something he said in the summer.
Meanwhile, back in Coventry...
Andy Thorn is interviewed and the story comes up. He says he knows nothing and it’s out of his hands if his players get sold.
Lukas Jutkiewicz (who probably wants the move to be fair to him) is asked about the move and vows to remain professional and give 100% to Coventry.
Back in Echo Towers...
Editor: OK, I need more conflict, more interest, more bullshit. What have you got...
Hack 1: How about a late bid from a Polish Club or Pompey?
Hack 2: I’d go with Jakovich getting kidnapped by the Coventry Massive and being forced at gunpoint to have an affair with Sienna Miller, Steve Coogan and JK Rowling. It’s topical and more plausible than Pompey affording £3 million.
Editor: I like the way you’re thinking but ‘battle’ and ‘war’ always sells so we’ll have “Saints in Fight for Djokovic”.
THURSDAY
The story runs, Novak Djokovic ignores it and gets on with playing tennis, the day goes on and nothing happens.
Thursday at 5pm rolls round and then emergency loan window slams shut. If it was a door it would slam shut... if you slam a window it usually breaks.
Nigel Adkins gives an interview saying what he always says... we have a squad of players we trust and then adding..... I’ve heard about the story but I don’t read the Daily Echo.
Back in Echo Towers...
Editor: OK lads, damage limitation... lets go with Saints were looking for a striker and enquired but decided against it. Put a paragraph about maybe going back in January and if they do, we can say we were right all along, if they go for someone else we can say he’s second choice because the Jakkovitch deal fell through. Local angle, local boy etc. Lovely. Where’s my tea? What do you mean “he’s quit on principle”.
FRIDAY
The story runs – no one cares.
The bullshit has managed to get thousands of people interested and involved when there was never anything there. Three managers have made comment and three sets of supporters have got angry or excited or disappointed or shrugged their shoulders in indifference. In addition, lots of website editors have got busy and given the non-story legs and made it run. Ultimately it doesn’t matter – the only person who may be slightly pissed at it is Lukas Jutkiewicz... and me.
This chain reaction was brought to you by The Daily Echo. Call me naive but I thought the press were supposed to report the news and not create the news especially when it’s not in the public interest. It’s a good job that these day that you never hear about the Power of the Press being abused and Steve Coogan and Sienna Miller are signing for us in the summer. It’s probably just as likely as Lukas Jutkiewicz joining us.
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