Premier League Match 26 - Southampton 2 Norwich City 0

 

Unleash The Thunderbastard

Lettuce begin (in-joke)

Norwich at St Mary‘s on a Friday night. Fucking ridiculous day of the week for a game, again illustrating the total contempt that match going fans are held in by the Premier League and the television companies, in this case, Sky.  Norwich to Southampton is not an easy journey by car or by train so to move it to a Friday night 8 o’clock kick-off is an absolute disgrace, especially for those travelling from East Anglia.

It’s not as if Norwich fans haven’t had enough to moan about this season. It’s been another one where after getting promoted at a canter, they will have been hoping that this year it was going to be different, that this year they were not going to be in the bottom three all season but here we are at the end of February with Norwich in danger of getting cut adrift in last place.  This season started with Daniel Farke, who was kept in place until they won their first game away at Brentford and then they got rid of him and appointed Dean Smith, who three days earlier had been sacked by Aston Villa.  Of course, Saints at Carrow Road was Dean Smith’s first game and we gave him the best new manager bounce possible by basically throwing them three points when Alex McCarthy had a day to forget.

Talking of goalkeepers, Smith has had Angus Gunn in goal for the last month or so and he will no doubt be remembering the last time he played at St Mary‘s on Friday night, when we conceded nine in that infamous game that is now Leicester's best selling DVD.  That was his last Premier League outing for the Saints and he never played for us again once that FA Cup run of that year was over, courtesy of The Minge diving over him to win the penalty to knock us out against Tottenham. There’s been a lot of talk about goalkeepers at Saints at the moment with all four of the most senior goalkeepers on our books out of contract at the end of the season. The intention when we signed him, was clearly for Gunn to be our first choice when we reached the summer but it never worked out and there must have been a good reason why Saints were prepared to write off approximately half of the £12 million investment we made in the goalkeeper, first to loan him out to Stoke and finally selling him on to Norwich.

This is the sort of game today that we really should win relatively comfortably because at the end of the day, Norwich aren’t very good but sods law and experience as a Saints fan tells you this the sort of game we will usually make a complete bollocks of, like we did at Carrow Road.  However, if we can’t get a few goals against a team that has Ben Gibson and Grant Hanley as centre backs in front of the goalkeeper then questions will need to be asked.  Billy Gilmour is on loan for season from Chelsea but he has struggled to have any sort of impact, being singled out for criticism from their fans and I suspect that his undoubted talent has being stifled by the shambles around him. Teemu Pukki up front is another who would be a better player in a better team and he has already proved that he can do it in the Premier League despite the deficiencies of the club he plays for.

It’s been all plain sailing on the good ship Southampton since the Everton game so there are no reasons to not put in a good performance tonight. The one advantage of being on the Friday night is there if we win, we will go up into ninth place in the table.  The plain sailing is illustrated by the fact that we have an unchanged team from the Everton game with Romain Perraud returning to the bench after Covid.  There’s a slight mystery in that Nathan Redmond is not on the bench when the only players reported as having knocks are Lyanco, McCarthy and Tella.

Saints are quickly on the front foot with the full backs pushed well forward.  Norwich are actually the first team to show a decent threat with Pukki breaking down our left hand side and his cutback picks out Sargent on the edge of the box and his shot, which was straight at Fraser, was blocked back out to Gilmour, whose goal bound effort  was pushed away by Fraser.

The shocking Norwich defending which we are hoping for doesn’t take long to appear as Brandon Williams, a bullet dodged in the summer, puts Gibson in the shit allowing Broja to nick the ball off him and drive forwards but his mis-hit effort with his left foot was easily saved by Gunn, who simply fell on it.  We fail again to work the keeper particularly hard when after a nice move, KWP who again drills it straight at the goalkeeper who catches it in front of his face

And there’s more as KWP and Broja combine to create a crossing opportunity for Elyounoussi which everyone misses and JWP’s return cross eventually drops for Elyounoussi who copies what had gone before and drills it straight at Gunn who it hits and Norwich clear it.

For fucks sake we are missing some chances here again. Another corner comes in from JWP and it’s right on Che Adams head on the 6 yard line but it slides off his face down and wide for what is hopefully his one bad miss for the week.

All is right with the world a couple of minutes later as  Livramento barrels down the right, gets a bit of a fortunate break to get past Williams and then fires in low cross across the 6 yard line which Gunn, for some reason goes for with his feet. There is carnage as Adams plays an airshot and ends up on the deck but luckily for us, the ball drops with him and he is able to scoop it into the net from a position of lying on his arse. Goal of the month it is not but we will take it.

The Norwich response to going behind is non-existent and we go close again as Fraser’s big boot finds Adams, on to Stuart Armstrong who tees it up for Elyounoussi on the left hand side and he dribbles it across goal and wide of the far post. Half time and this should be dead – should be 3-0 and don and dusted.  I mean, I don’t think Norwich are going to score but until we get the second, like with the Everton game, it will be nervy at some point.

The Dean Smith half time masterclass produces nothing as the second-half begins in much the same way the first have ended with no noticeable improvement from Norwich. We are still passing the ball round and cutting through them fairly easily.  Livrament gets forward on the right hand side and his cross picks out Elyounoussi at the back post.  Moi can’t get a shot away but eventually finds Stuart Armstrong, whose shot is blocked away by a combination of Hanley and Gunn.

Another chance comes and goes as Broja gets down the right and side and gets to the line and he shows he has learnt from the Everton game by picking out Stuart Armstrong. The man with a magnificent hair can’t pick anyone out though but it eventually get scooped up into the air by a Norwich player and it’s met on the volley by KWP about 10 yards out and guess where he puts it, yes straight at the goalkeeper who doesn’t have to move. For fuck‘s sake

With time running out Dean Smith rolls the dice with a  couple of subs and it seems to injuect some life into them.  The ever-willing Pukki bundles passed a couple of players in the area, forcing Salisu to throw himself in the way - corner.  More threat as the resulting corner is chipped back in from the other side and Hanley heads is well wide. We can’t let a player like him score his second goal of the season against us.

We have some Scotland handbags as we win a free kick on the edge of the box as Adams anticipates the challenge from McClean and goes over but the big build-up for JWP’s free-kick, ends up within firing it over the top of the right hand side of the goal.  Ralph has sensed a slight nervousness about us and we go to 3-at-the-back with quick succession substitutes of  Long and Stephens for Broja and Adams

Norwich then do what they’ve done all game and when trying to build up, lose the ball enabling Armstrong to find Elyounoussi and he advances before smashing it and it looks like it’s nearly going through Gunn’s hands but it flops wide for a corner.  Over it comes from JWP, headed out as far as Romeu and […. Drumroll….] Enter the Thunderbastard and he crashes it into the net from the edge of the box at about 100 miles an hour. It’s not in the corner but the goalkeeper hasn’t got a prayer.

Game well and truly done. Stu off, Moussa on, Moussa controls it out of play, the end.

Overall, that was incredibly similar to the Everton home game last week. The same result and ultimately very comfortable but like against Everton , we needed the second goal from an unlikely source to seal the deal. One of the things that always irritates me about fans is when the ball goes to Oriol Romeu and he is anywhere between 25 and 40 yards out and the crowd shouts “shooooooot”.  No, don’t fucking shoot because someone will have to go and fetch the ball and someone in Row Z will get hit in the face and end up being treated by St John’s Ambulance. What a fucking goal that was.  You can’t strike a ball any better than that. We have turned into a team that misses simple chances but it seems now that with quite a lot of regularity, someone unleashes a thunderbastard and all is well with the world.

Che Can Score From Anywhere

The first goal or straight out of Sunday morning park football with a low cross, a goalkeeper trying to kick it instead of using his hands and an almighty scramble involving air shots and scooping the ball into the net from the prone position.  Che won’t care and nor do I. That goal followed a ridiculous opening to the game where we peppered the Norwich goal without any conviction, firing wide and high but mainly straight at the goalkeeper I don’t think he made one save where he actually had to dive.  Not his fault of course and if you keep the ball out then you’ve done your job.

Ralph was predictably delighted with a win, highlighting again that games like this against teams are expected to beat are often the most difficult ones to win.  There is a truth in that because they are fighting for relegation but of course, the reason they are fighting relegation is because they are not very good. Norwich didn’t even fight that hard to be honest. Too passive and hardly laid a glove on us.  They had a little go for about 10 minutes late in the second half but that was it.  Unfortunately, you can’t see them doing anything other than getting relegated.  Dean Smith was quite magnanimous in defeat – “The best team won” and decrying his sides inability to keep the ball or play through the aggressive press.

The cat is well and truly out of the bag now with the mainstream media, that Saints are playing well and have a well organised and very good football team.   They are noticing that it’s a ‘team’ rather than a bunch of individuals.  It is starting again, just like it did in 2014-2016. You will notice that there will not be a single mainstream media figure who will talk about our players or manager without it being in the context of them moving onto a bigger club. Gary Neville was all about JWP going to a big club today and we’ve already had the same over Ralph. It will also be coming regarding KWP, Tino and Salisu – two of whom were at big clubs before and never got a game. What irritates me is that they assume that it is the endgame of every player to play for a dysfunctional bag of shit like Manchester United or Tottenham. I guess it depends how loudly money talks.

This was an extremely functional win and it sets up next weeks FA Cup tie against West Ham nicely. After that we are back to the league with games against Villa Newcastle Watford and Burnley. There are points to be had if we go into every game with the same attitude that we’ve shown in the last four or five. Quarter-finals of the FA Cup would be nice as well.

Up the fucking Saints.

Premier League Match 25 - Southampton 2 Everton 0

 

La La-La-La Shane Long

Everton arrive at St Mary‘s today, still in a spot of bother near the foot of the table. They are not in any serious danger of going down but the fact that they are even in the conversation is a crushing indictment of how badly they have got everything wrong since the money arrived about five years ago.  Oh how they crowed when Ronald Koeman joined them… since then they’ve gone through David Unsworth, Sam Allardyce, Marco Silva, Carlo Ancelotti and Rafa Benitez.

Ah Rafa, Liverpool legend.  It was always the case that once they hit a bad run, his job is going to be become virtually untenable and so it proved with him being sacked a month ago. In came Frank Lampard Media Darling for his second Premier League job and during the transfer window he addressed Everton‘s problems at centre back and full back and defensive midfield by signing Dele Alli and Donny van de Beek to play in front of those problem areas.  If you were being harsh, you could draw parallels with Frank’s playing career in that he only worried about his position didn’t give a bollocks about what was going on behind him.

Everton have shown signs of life in home games, with wins against Brentford (FA Cup) and Leeds.  In the one away game since Frank’s arrival, they got comfortably beaten 3-1 by a very poor Newcastle side.  Hopefully he won’t have worked out a strategy for playing away games yet.  They do of course have players who have hurt us in the past like Dominic Calvert-Lewin and Richarlison but I see none of the steel in defence or midfield that has characterized the Everton sies of the past.  Richarlison is of course a big fucking baby.  He was the start of the lockdown games, providing his very own blood-curdling death screams every time he got fouled, which weren’t drowned out by opposition fans.  They have got rid of Lucas Little Shit Digne, who Rafa decided to get shot of about a week before Rafa himself got fired.  They don’t appear to have a serviceable replacement so we may see one of right footed centre back Ben Godfrey or right footed Jonjoe Kenny at left back today.

Overall, from boardroom to manager to pitch, they have been an utter shambles for five years.

It’s been a bit of a strange week as a Saints fan. We love a moan when we beat Tottenham and draw with Manchester United and all the media coverage is about the two big clubs. However, we did get some decent coverage as people are now beginning to sit up and take notice of how well things are going but that can draw out the moaning as well because Martin Semmens went on 5 Live and talked about our model which like it or lump it, is giving players a platform, developing them and then allowing them to move on. I guess the key from a fans point of view, is to hope that the club becomes one that in time, players do not want to move on from. I guess there is hope when you look at the players who have moved on in the last year or so and none of them have done anything at their new, supposedly greener pastures. Danny Ings can’t get in the team at Aston Villa, Ryan Bertrand has been injured all season at Leicester and Jannik Vestergaard has become a bit of a joke figure at the same club. It’s almost looks as if playing well inside Ralph and Saints well drilled system is not a guarantee that you can do it for a club that is maybe not as well set up or where there is more pressure.

Back to her today and only one change in our team with Tino back in the side and KWP switched to left back because the very unfortunate Perraud has lost his place through having Covid. Would’ve been interesting to see who would’ve been in the team had everybody have been available. Everton‘s lineup was of course a bit unpredictable with Lampard being newly installed but they have gone with the same line-up that they had the beat Leeds 3-0 at Goodison last week.  That was at Goodison though, this isn’t and we are much better than Leeds at the moment.  On paper it really doesn’t look great with the likes of Holgate, Iwobi and Kenny in the side. Two players who have been a problem for us in recent years are present and available there in the form of Dominic Calvert-Lewin and Richarlison.  I had managed to get fucking soaked on my way to the ground but by the time 3 o’clock rolls around the rain has given way to dry weather and a driving wind, a reminder of storm Eunice which battered the south coast yesterday.

Everton win the toss and change ends so we are attacking the Chapel End in the first half and it soon is becomes apparent why because Everton wanted the wind and they start the better of the two sides putting us under pressure from the start. Pressure is the key word and they are pressurising us on the ball and we can’t get out of our own half. On three minutes across comes over from Everton’s right, hits Romeu on the arm in a manner that leaves you in no doubt that it’s hit his arm and van de Beek tries a shot from the rebound which goes well wide. Andy Madley is not interested and given a penalty but of course Everton surround him and there is a VAR check.

“Hi Stockley Park, Richarlison is crying, can you check the penalty shout for me?”
“Woof, woof”
“Er.. hello Stockley Park – is there enough to overturn my decision?”
“Woof, woof, woof”
“There seems to be some interference on the line”
“No mate, there’s none but I’ve won a bet with Big Mikey Dean”
“What?”
“He said that I wouldn’t take the piss out of your brother being Hashtag Dog Nonce”
“Very funny guys… meanwhile, penalty for Frank Lampard’s Everton or not?”
“Who’s appealing?”
“Richarlison”
“No then – he’s a dick”
“That’s what I thought – play on”

Everton are having all the play and we’re not causing any problems to the slightly weak looking defence but the first time we get the ball forward at all, Elyounoussi knocks it, Holgate makes a mess of it and Adams puts Broja away, powering through on the left hand side but the angle’s against him and Pickford makes a decent save with this feet.

The near miss seems to change the game, as does Romeu executing a perfect man and ball tackle on Richarlison and Everton suddenly take a step back and Saints begin to find some space with Livramento bursting forward on the right hand side and winning a corner.  Over it comes from JWP and it’s a set piece move that skims across the box about 5 yards out and Tino darts in and meets it and then he gets a good touch on it can only put it straight at Pickford.

The Chelsea Academy strikes again as next as Tino plays lovely ball inside the full back to send Broja away on the right.  He sends Kenny for a hot dog on the byline before making an angle to have a shot with his left foot. Both Elyounoussi and Armstrong are not overly impressed that he didn’t knock the ball back but the bottom line is, he’s a centre forward so I can’t blame him for having a shot.  More carnage from the corner as JWP’s delivery is flicked away as far as Romeu who sends it back in to the unmarked Bednarek, who climbs well and heads it over off the top of the crossbar. He clearly knew that he was already offside.

It’s all us now as Armstrong jinks across the field as only he can, with magnificent hair and all that.  He finds KWP on the left who does what he always does and drives in field between Coleman and Holgate. He tries to knock it through to Elyounoussi but it comes back off of Coleman and KWP goes on as it opens up and drills it at the near post and it beats Pickford, flicks off the post and wide.  Shit.

Half time and 0-0.  No cause for alarm as we have dominated the last 25 minutes or so and the opening will come.  As the teams re-emerge, Fat Frank has taken off Allan who is their only defensively minded midfielder and put on Andre Gomes – Open Season in midfield then with him and van de Beek making up the least imposing midfield outside of Under 12s football.

However, like in the first half, Everton start relatively well and win a corner when Calvert-Lewin’s shot is blocked by Salisu. They work the corner short and van de Beek swings it back in but there are about 4 Everton players offside, including Calvert-Lewin who stoops to nod it into the net and so it proves.

Van de Beek, desperate to prove that he’s not a complete waste of space, has an opportunity to drive forward on the right hand side he doesn’t fancy it in turns back towards his own goal, pursued by Elyounoussi. Holgate knocks it to Keane, who knocks it into Gomes, who is shit.  Elyounoussi nicks the ball off him and Gomes grabs hold of him and holds him down but the referee lets Romeu carry the ball into the penalty area, knock it across to Adams who knocks it one more to Armstrong, who smashes it low into the bottom corner of the net giving Pickford not much chance at all.  Get in – what a player.

Please Stay Fit

Suddenly this game looks very different and there is no reaction from Everton with Saints dominating the ball, building up about 10 yards out for the Everton penalty area and looking for openings. JWP spots one and chips it over the flat defence to meet the run of Adams who instead of blasting it with his left foot, tries to steer in with his right and can only put it straight at Pickford from 5 yards. If Che could take a higher proportion of his chances then he would not be playing for us.  I hope both he and Armando are on ‘left foot only’ finishing practice every training session.

Adams is once again having a great game and is fouled once by Keane and once by Gomes, which is the one that gets given because he is just a walking infringement in human form. JWP of course produces a wonderful ball into the box which is met about 3 yards out by Elyounoussi, who with his eyes shut, manages to head it onto the bar and over. I have a certain amount of sympathy because he was probably distracted by Salisu’s boot being 8 foot off the ground right next to his face.

It’s all Saints now I’m just a case of whether we can find a second goal or not.   It feels like we don’t really need one in all truth.  KWP gives Coleman another reason to retire and burns past him from the left hand side and he goes on past the hopeless training cone that is Gomes and sees his right foot left foot flick off of Holgate and Pickford make yet another smart reaction save.  Andros Townsend and Dele Alli are on for Everton replacing the anonymous Gordon and Iwobi.  It makes no difference to the flow of the game though and KWP attempts exactly the same move next has this time he pisses past Townsend before firing at the near post again and seeing Pickford get down and save well. The England goalkeeper has his critics but he is more or less playing Saints on his own at the moment and is the only reason Everton are still remotely in the game.

With seven minutes left on the clock it’s time for our first change, with Ralph taking off Armando Broja and interestingly, it is Shane Long and not Adam Armstrong who gets the nod off the bench.

It’s getting to the last nervous five minutes now where every time Everton get in our half, you are expecting danger but there is no danger when the ball goes to Dele Alli who at the moment is sitting on 100% in terms of giving the ball straight back to us. This time he picks out JWP in midfield and we play a few triangles before Armstrong drives forward in the inside right channel. He calmly rolls the ball to Tino on the right and his first time cross is met by a majestic leaping salmon like player at the far post and headed across Pickford and into the far corner of the net.

From the other end of the ground where I am, there is a celebration which turns to incredulity as we realise that the scorer of the goal is Shane Long, the non-scoring striker who we have brought on basically to chase defenders around. Fucking brilliant.  La la-la-la… la la-la-la Shane Long…

The rest of the game is played out with the St Mary‘s faithful singing the Irishman‘s name. Everton have a few more minutes launching the ball up towards Calvert-Lewin from 50 yards away and that’s it, easy.

The one thing that you never expect to be able to say after a game against Everton was that it was relatively easy or comfortable…. but this really was. Apart from the normal morbid expectation that you always have about a potential late equaliser, when you actually analyse the game, Everton were never going to score. I can’t remember a single shot on target that they had and Fraser Forster didn’t have to make a save. They had a bit of pressure for the first 15 minutes and for 5 minutes after half time but that was it.  Once we scored, the game was up and Andy Madley could have ended it there.  He deserves an assist for that goal because he could easily have brought it back. Elyounoussi won the ball off of Gomes, who then held him down, which was a very obvious offence but Madley let the game flow and Romeu, Adams and Armstrong did the rest.

Allan went off at half-time and Everton‘s midfield went with him. Every loose ball was devoured by JWP or Romeu, which is what made the second half so comfortable after we had scored. Gomes and van de Beek are too lightweight and not defensively disciplined enough to play as deep lying midfielders and as for Dele Alli, well fucking hell, I’d be surprised if he had a single touch that went to an Everton player. So, our two midfielders dominated, helped along the way by Elyounoussi and Armstrong, tucking in to good effect. Though they didn’t score today, our strikers were a real handful for what was basically a very poor and very slow Everton defence. The work that Armando and Che did certainly combined to help Shane Long reap the rewards with his goal. In fact, Shane scoring was probably the only thing that was less likely than an Everton goal but as I’ve said before, Shane doesn’t have many more days in the Sun in him as a Saints player so it’s brilliant when the crowd are all singing his name after an important goal.

"You Dropped Me at the Start of the Season"

It was nice to see Salisu tested by playing against Calvert-Lewin. He found him a right handful as you expect but in the second half he seemed to accept that he wasn’t going to win every header against him but he could make Calvert-Lewin’s job impossible by being all over him like a rash.  Calvert_lewin doesn;t seem to have the intelligence to realise he was getting nowhere and maybe go and play against a full back for a bit... look at Shane Long's goal, he beat Coleman in the air rather than a centre back.  Salisu was helped of course by Bednarek who had his best game for a while.  KWP was excellent again, doesn't matter what side he plays on and Tino was solid though still seems to be feeling his way back a little bit a right back and didn’t seem prepared to take on the Everton full-back Kenny too often. Richarlison is always a player who has caused us nightmares in the past and has always been a threat but today, all it took was a couple a strong tackles and he absolutely disappeared. Again, kudos to the referee who wasn’t about to give Richarlison anything for his diving about.

Our midfield was absolutely top class, both on the creativity side through Armstrong and Elyounoussi and on the defensive solidity side, led by Romeu and JWP.  Playing van de Beek and Gomes against those two was like taking a water pistol to a gun fight.  I do think that people underestimate just how good Romeu and JWP are as a pair.  You expect idiot pundits not to get it but it's a surprise when opposition managers don't seem to get it.

I know Allan was walking a bit of a disciplinary tight rope but in the second half, he might not have got sent off and even if he had, would playing with 10 have been any worse than what they did in that second half with 11? My free advice for Frank Lampard, who I’m sure doesn’t need my advice, is that you can’t set up no defensive midfielders against a decent side when you have that defence.

Anyway, who cares about Everton’s problems.  The Southampton FC well-oiled machine rolls on to a home game against Norwich next Friday at 8pm, which is a fucking stupid day and time to have a football match. We owe them one after they beat us at Carrow Road earlier in the season, which was comfortably our worst result of the season, in a game we contrived to lose by throwing two goals in our own net.  It’s a game that we of course should win if we play well and we certainly will win if we put in a performance like we did today. Whisper it quietly but there are certainly some points to be had in our next 5 games, starting with this one.

Up the fucking Saints.

Premier League Match 24 - Manchester United 1 Southampton 1

Yes David, It's Going In

Just 60 or so hours after the magnificent win at Spurs, Saints have another Big Six away day at Old Trafford.  The reason that the number of hours are significant is because United have had an extra 24 to prepare for this game. Sadly, it’s one of those things that is absolutely inevitable with the way the games are arranged for TV schedules when some of the same round of matches are played over three days in mid-week. Anyhow, we have to get on with it and get on with it we will.  I am hoping that everyone has recovered from the Tottenham game and we can put out the same 11.

Since we played them last, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has been sacked because he couldn’t possibly carry on fluking results in the second half with no obvious plan other than throwing on expensive substitutes and hoping for the best.  The man they have chosen for the rest of the season at least is Ralph Rangnick who has a connection to our Ralph in that he was the Director of Football or Sporting Director at RB Leipzig when our Ralph was the manager.  It was widely reported that there was a bit of a clash between Ralf and Ralph and our Ralph walked and their loss was our gain. It remains to be seen if Ralph Rangnick can get a tune out of this ridiculously expensive but completely unbalanced United squad.

I’m of the opinion that it wouldn’t matter who was in charge of Manchester United.  Any manager will have a game plan and these days, that will always involve hard work off the ball.  It doesn’t matter who the manager is if the players either aren’t capable or aren’t willing to carry out his wishes and buy into it.  We all know what United can do when they come forward, especially on the break and that will be enough to beat a lot of teams but what can they do when it comes down to playing other big sides and it comes down to who works the hardest? The pivotal result of their season and the one that basically saw the end of Solkjaer was when they came up against a team with similar attacking riches but who do work hard… Liverpool…. and they got absolutely smashed 5-0 at home.

Rangnick’s United do look better organised than Ole’s United but they’re not as free scoring. He has made a couple of tough decisions in bombing out both full-backs with the fitter and more offensively minded Dalot and Telles, his preferred combination ahead of Shaw and Wan-Bissaka.  He hasn’t bitten the Maguire bullet yet, but he needs to.  You can’t play high press football with a centre back who turns like a ocean liner and has the top speed of the average 50 year old.   There is still also the glaring weakness in the centre of midfield and one of their other problems, dear old Paul Pogba, is back fit again because he’ll be wanting to impress one of the big European clubs before his contract runs out the end of season. “Will he sign another contract for United?” screams the media every fucking day.  Clickbait bollocks and who fucking cares.

Saints have been basking in the glow of the Tottenham game a little bit. We never receive as much praise as we should when we are away at one of the big boys but we have received a fair amount, usually backhanded and usually stuff like “Broja is playing so well he’s going to go back to Chelsea“ or “Ward-Prowse should be playing for a big club“.

Today will be absolutely no different in that regard and we of course are hoping for the same result again today but it will be tough against this ridiculously expensively assembled Manchester United side. To give it some context, they bought Luke Shaw off us in 2014, 8 years ago, for a fee which beats our transfer record in 2022, by £10 million.

I’m watching this game again on BT Sport so once more we’re going to get Ian The Skate on commentary but Glenn Hoddle is in the studio this time along with Paul Scholes. I guess Glenn is the Saints representation in the studio given that he managed us for half an hour 20 years ago. The glimmer of light for us in regard to neutrality on the TV, is Martin Keown, who would definitely have enjoyed us beating Tottenham on Wednesday and has never had Manchester United on his list of favourite teams.  The build-up is so United leaning that at one point, I wondered if we were playing.  Scholsey thinks it could be a day for a huge win for United…. 9-0 gets a few mentions of course.  It also shows how badly informed the pundits are when they talk about Ralph linking up with Ralf at United, without mentioning the fall out at Leipzig.  However, I’m sure Ralph would find it hard to turn down if United come calling.

Team news and we’ve gone for the same again and whilst I think that’s our best side, I have slight doubts about our ability to put in another high intensity performance this soon after the Spurs game.  United have gone with Pogba, Fernandes and a front 3 including Ronaldo which basically means 5 players who won’t want to track back, so there will be chances for us.  I am delighted to report that Cavani isn’t even on the bench for United which is great news indeed.

After the first Ian Darke 9-0 mention on 5 seconds approximately, Saints start with a bit of confidence and Che has a lash from miles out which flies over the bar comfortably.  We are all anticipating 1-0 from United’s first attack as Sancho orchestrates a break and finds Ronaldo, who impressively, considering he’s carrying a zimmer frame, skips round Forster before bobbling a shot towards an empty net which Perraud clears easily.

The scare seems to wake us up and we build through midfield, eventually freeing Elyounoussi on the left hand side. His cross finds KWP at the back post who has not been tracked by anybody and he’s sidefoots it across but it’s just behind Che Adams and he slips over and the ball bounces out to the edge of the box.  JWP rattles it back but it hits a defender and bounces clear.  An unfavourable break of the ball as far as we’re concerned and United are on the break again and Sancho picks it up on the left but luckily for us he decides to be greedy and gets as far as Forster before stabbing get at the keeper and we get away with it.  Good defending by Bednarek to hold him up a bit.

We only look vulnerable on the break but this is an occupational hazard when you are as brave on the ball as we are.  We lose it and Fernandes plays a lovely ball inside Salisu to Rashford, who goes gallivanting forward (he never runs back towards his own goal) and unfortunately for us, he doesn’t fuck it up and slides it across for Sancho to run into an empty net.  Bollocks.

We have to stay in it for a while now and it would help if we got close to Pogba.  Far from being some sort of weak link, Pogba is running the show.  The way to stop him is to crowd him out but we are competing with him 1 v 1 and he’s just too powerful to defend like that.  We have to get around him because at the moment he is killing us.  Anyway, Romeu Armstrong and JWP get us back on the front foot with some nice interplay around the immobile lump that is Luke Shaw, which ends in Stuart Armstrong firing wide of the near post with his left foot.

United have become known at the last few weeks for playing for half an hour and then losing their Mojo, or rather, losing their willingness to run.  The same appears to have happened here as KWP again gets free on the right and fires a ball right across the six yard line but no one attacks it.

As we approach Half time there is an opportunity for our new special move which I’m sure is going to feature on the next release of FIFA. It is of course Salisu launching a long throw into the box. In it comes and it’s flicked on by Pogba and Stuart Armstrong tries to acrobatically hook it into the net as it bounces high up off the floor but can’t quite get enough on it and de Gea pulls off a good diving catch for the cameras.

One more chance before half time and after some great play through midfield, Elyounoussi finds Perraud, who jinks in past Dalot before swinging his right foot at it, forcing De Gea into a relatively comfortable save

Half time and 1-0 down really isn’t too bad.  We’ve shown real signs of getting back into it for the last 15 minutes and I don’t think United have any higher gears to click into, whereas we do.  I can’t see United being as defensively disciplined in the second half – Pogba and Fernandes have stayed pretty close to McTominay in midfield but they won’t keep that up for another 45.  Another reason for optimism is that looking at the United bench, I don’t see any game changers.  Lingard and Elanga look the best of a very average bunch.

Hard Working Striker Is Rewarded

Away we go, two minutes later and Romeu flicks the ball out to Perraud on the left hand side who in turn, knocks in to Elyounoussi, who has not been tracked by anybody.  He slides the ball in between the centre backs to Adams, who bears down on goal, opens his body out and side foots is it superbly on the inside of the far post. There is a heart in mouth moment because it looks like it’s going to hit the post and come out but it pings back across and nestles in the corner of the net. 1-1, get in. There is a slight worry about offside but one look says that Shaw’s arse has played Adams clearly onside.

United are over the place when we break on them.  KWP breaks and plays a 1-2 with Broja and eventually passes it into Armstrong, who seems to almost be falling over the ball as he has a go with his left from the edge of the box and puts it wide.  Broja shows his power when he picks the ball up on halfway and sets off towards goal.  Shaw can’t be bothered to run so he just hands onto his shirt like a water-skier. It takes a powerful man to keep running with Pizza Boy holding on to your shirt.  Atwell waves play on and Broja lets fly from 20 yards and de Gea beats it away for a corner.  Atwell of course goes back and books Shaw for a very obvious yellow card offence…. No he doesn’t.  Did you forget Stuart?  I know you waved play on but it was literally on 3 seconds later that the ball went dead.

Shaw’s next involvement it’s a fine ball forward which KWP accidentally handles so it’s a free kick out on the left, about 25 yards out.  Shaw swings it in and it drops for Maguire to poke goalward and Fraser kicks it away rather than try to fall on it.  Shaw then clips one over the top which Stephens misses and Ronaldo smashes it straight at Forster who saves, Salisu clears, United get it back into the box and Dalot smashes it near post but you’re not beating The Wall from there.  Ronaldo and Fernandes throw their arms to the sky.  Standard.

Having weathered that, it’s our turn again and Saints create the best chance of the second half with JWP and Romeu combining with Elyounoussi to tee-up Armstrong on the left.  I am waiting for the net to bulge but his hair is fine and he lashes over the bar this time. Fuck…. Big chance, Stu knows it, Ralph knows it.

Rather than be disappointed, we have another go as Broja wins the ball of McTominay in midfield and Romeu knocks it up to Elyounoussi, who waits and then plays a lovely ball and we have the contest we’ve been waiting for.  Armando vs Harry and his Caravan.  Broja of course has too much pace for the Caravan Man and gets there first but seems to get his feet all mixed up and tries to chip it over de Gea but ends up squirting the ball sideways and United get away with it again.

Offside for Dummies

United win a free kick out on our left.  In comes the cross and we hold our line as we do and Ronaldo stoops to head it into the net.  Everyone instinctively knows that it is offside and the flag goes up.  United, led as usual by Bruno Fernandes and Ronaldo are round the referee pleading pathetically.  Off we go to VAR.

“Hi there, Stockley Park speaking, hi there Stuart”
“Can you check for offside for me… well actually, can you check for Bruno Fernandes?”
“Ok…. Checked it…. the magic number is 5”
“5 yards onside?…. So a goal then?”
“No… 5 of them offside by 5 yards”
“So no goal then, lino was right….what’s that Bruno?....”
[muffled whining from Bruno]
“…Bruno says it was flicked on and therefore a different phase and a therefore a goal”
“Um… the guy who he thinks flicked it on was offside… and he didn’t flick it on, he missed it… and even if he had flicked it on, there are loads of them offside”
[loud noise comes over the wire in Stockley Park]
“Stuart – has he stolen your microphone?”
“It’s a goal, pleeeeeeease, we at Old Trafford, it Ronaldo goal, he very old, we desperate, pleeeeease, I am Bruno, I referee, you report to me, I in charge”
“Bruno – it’s offside.  You’re offside, Ronaldo’s offside, Sir Alex is in the stand and he’s offside and Scholesey’s in the BT Studio and he’s offside, every fucker is offside, it’s not a goal, you’re not the referee, stop being a twat and please give the microphone back to Stuart – thank you”

Pleeeeeeeease!

So, a five-minute pointless review on VAR later and we get back to it.  What the fuck were they asking for?

Tino Livramento is on for Elyounoussi now, with KWP moving further forward.  United are clearly rattled and there’s a bit of push and shove between Fernandes and JWP whilst Tino is waiting to take a throw in.  A brief wrestle ends up with Bruno quite clearly throwing a punch which doesn’t connect.  Next on the scene is Romeu, followed by some United players.  Bearing in mind we had a 5 minute VAR check for a goal where 5 players were offside, I can’t wait for this to be reviewed….. nothing….. still nothing…… tumbleweed.
 

There is another meeting between Broja and Maguire straight after that as Broja gets put away on the left-hand side and burns past despite having to take the long route around Maguire and his caravan.  Broja gets into the box before having to turn out and Maguire arrives and clumsily runs into him and then treads on him as he goes to follow the ball.  Standing on him looked accidental but the original contact is surely worth another look on VAR.  Hello?  Hello?  Unfortunately, Atwell has not given the penalty so there’s probably no point in having a look because it’s not “obviously” wrong.

Harry Maguire (out of shot)

Che Adams is getting through a ridiculous amount of defensive work but he gets back to foul Lingard on the left.  In comes the free-kick from Shaw, the ball plops of Maguire’s head and Fraser plunges down to his left to scoop the ball out.  When it comes back in he catches it and rolls about with it, in quality shithouse behaviour.  Game over.

Another belting performance by the boys and a totally deserved point. Overall, I’d say United shaded the first half and we shaded the second and I feel that we could’ve won it with just a little bit more belief. We looked a bit leggy for the first 20 minutes we can probably be explained by the quick turnaround but as we grow into the game after we got our equaliser, we looked stronger and stronger. Big performances all round again from Fraser right through to Armando. Che Adams got a brilliant goal today which is overall performance deserved and though it didn’t happen often enough, any clash between Broja and either Maguire or Shaw was as hilarious as you could hope for. Maguire, fucking hell, talk about towing a caravan. Our back four were largely excellent again and it was pretty seamless when Bednarek went off and Jack Stephens came on. Overall, Jack did a great job considering he hasn’t played that often recently.

Where can we have done better? Shooting.  Stuart Armstrong should’ve got that one on target in the second half and that’s my main criticism, that we didn’t work de Gea enough.  There was a chance is there to win the game but the fact I’m even thinking of those terms after getting a point at Old Trafford it’s testament to how well we played.  In the main we nullified them and the only time I was worried was when they broke on us.  There felt like no way that they were going to pick their way through us.  The work ethic was superb from everyone, personified by Che Adams who kept turning up in defence when United did break on us.  United could only dream that Ronaldo, Rashford and Sancho had that desire the defend for the team.

I find myself in the strange position of having to find some praise Stuart Atwell who has been shocking up here in this fixture before. Today he was pretty good especially in the second half when he had to deal with the hissy fits and histrionics that go with United not getting everything their own way.  Sure, he wasn’t harsh enough with the cards, even though they got 4 and we got 0, but I’ll take that because we didn’t get any shockers.  VAR let him down (in my opinion) on the Broja penalty shout and VAR was also absent without leave when that complete dick Bruno Fernandes quite literally swung a punch.  He missed because he’s a complete fanny but that’s no reason for VAR not to review it – mental.  Surely he can’t say that he saw that and dealt with it.  Not that a retrospective ban is any use to us but Fernandes deserves one, the little shite.  Miraculously, since the game, a video that no one has seen shows that Fernandes was merely freeing his arm so he won’t be charged.  You have to laugh.

Luke Shaw, in one of his fat, can’t be bothered to run moments, got away with grabbing hold of Broja’s shirt as he went towards goal. The referee really should’ve come back and booked him for that even though play went on.

Ralph had a good day against Ralf.  I’ve not really paid much attention to Ralf Rangnick but in his interviews, he comes across as a decent guy who is on a hiding to nothing with a bunch of players with 10/10 reputations as individuals and 3/10 application as team players.  Others are big name international players who have that status because they play for United and not because they are actually that good.  Ralph pointing out that it is no secret that some of the United players aren’t too good in reverse gears when they lose the ball has caused a bit of a shit storm.  Virtually all pundits have come down on his side, notably Gary Neville who called it an embarrassing indictment of where United are.  You could certainly point a finger in that regard at Ronaldo, Sancho, Rashford, Pogba and Fernandes.

Personally, I’d like to point a middle-finger at McTominay, even though he has a thankless task playing in midfield with those lazy players all around him.  He was the biggest most arrogant twat of all last year when they beat us 9-0 a year ago.  Not so Billy Big Bollocks today with Romeu playing, were you?  It’s a bit of a big step from where we were a year ago to where we are now.  I know it’s only a draw but the significance is worth rather more than that.  A draw for us at Old Trafford will always be a superb result for us and a poor one for them.

A few weeks ago we were all thinking the run of City at home, Spurs away and United away, would’ve yielded a big zero points but as it is we are undefeated in those three games and have five points.  Next up is Everton at home, another one which would probably have realistically been in the zero points category but the way we are playing right now, bring it on and let’s see if we can show yet another new manager that there is no magic fix and that it takes time, hard work and having players who are willing and able to put the work in.

Premier League Match 23 - Tottenham Hotspur 2 Southampton 3

 

Dad Dancing Here We Go

Tottenham,Tottenham, no one can stop them…. as Chas ‘n Dave sang.  It was a shit song to be fair and Chas has been gone a while and plenty of teams have stopped them since.  We stopped them at St Mary‘s earlier on this season when we turned up with a makeshift team because we were squad rotating over Christmas when we thought we were playing Newcastle a few days later, then we made it hard for ourselves by getting a player sent off in the first half but we still managed to hold them to draw.
 
It’s a different Tottenham we play today because Antonio Conte has been there a while and the corpse of the team left by Nuno Espirito Santo has been revived somewhat. Harry Kane now looks interested again and has started scoring goals, so this game really isn’t going to be easy, especially given that it’s at their new home, the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium.  It’s a shit name – would have been much more amusing if Daniel Levy had named it in honour of himself – The Super League European Elite Teflon Arena or something.  At least they paid for it I guess, which is more than the Cat Kickers at The London Stadium Dildo Emporium.

This is the game every year where the referees and VAR see it’s Southampton away at a big club and go in dry. This usually happens because some cheating little bastard in white has executed a perfect dive and cons of the referee.  It’s a two-stage process now as well of course because then VAR find a way to back up the official. Last year in the league it was Sergio Reguilon having a dive on the edge of the box.  To this day I still can’t see that that was in the penalty area but of course the penalty got given, last minute, fuck off.  The year before that we played them in the FA Cup and Son Heung Minge (no that’s not a typo - so called because he’s a massive twat), dived over the top of our goalkeeper and won the penalty that knocked us out of the FA Cup that year.  Still, lovely bloke, breaks legs, dives all the time, smiles about it…

Spurs dive about a lot and then all get round the referee, led by a Mr H.Kane.  They did this earlier on in the season at St Mary‘s with Emerson Royal being their latest recruited diver. They have got rid of one of them though with Dele Alli moving to Everton.  I see this as a really positive move for Tottenham because it’s cleaning house of players who think they are better than they are and ultimately, have very questionable attitudes.  As a forward player in the modern game you have to work hard when you haven’t got the ball and some just don’t have the attitude for that.

Ralph caused a bit of a stir this week by saying in the German ‘Kicker’ publication that he didn’t want to work in football after 2024 which is when his contract at Saints runs out. Immediately I saw some people drawing comparisons with the end of Gordon Strachan‘s reign when it leaked out that he wanted to leave at the end of the season, results duly plummeted and he left early. I don’t think you can really use that as a benchmark for a number of reasons. The first of which was that we had Rupert Lowe in charge so we were only ever five minutes away from something destabilising happening anyway. The second is the football has moved on and even less than they did in 2004, managers don’t stay at clubs a long time and players are used to managers moving on.  What it does do is mean that he's less likely to get poached by a struggling big club.

The concern will just be the normal concern of having to find a new manager to continue what will hopefully be an upward trend until that time. When a relatively long serving manager makes it known that he is going to leave, it doesn’t necessarily spell disaster. Everyone knew Sir Alex Ferguson was leaving Manchester United but he still won the Premier League in his last season. I think we’d take that.

There will of course be a media flurry with it and Ralph can expect this question to come up in virtually every press conference he does over the next few weeks and every time there is a slow news week over the rest of his time at the club.  I’m sure he realised this before the article went to print.

Anyhow, back to tonight are starting line-up is back to 4-2-2-2 and it looks perfect to be quite honest. Fraser in goal, KWP and Perraud full backs with Salisu and Bednarek in the middle. JWP and Romeu with Elyounoussi and Armstrong on the wings.  Of all our wide players, these two are easily the best and Broja and Adams up front promises a tough evening for Spurs. I’m looking at their midfield and thinking we’ve got JWP and Romeu against Hojbjerg and Winks. I also think that we are going to be a threat in the wide areas as neither Emerson or Reguilon are particularly good defenders.  However, we ourselves have to defend properly because otherwise Kane, Son and Moura will tear us apart.

Saints start going really well and only takes three minutes to create for the first chance as Elyounoussi on the left clips a cross in with his right foot which is beautifully flighted over the top of the Spurs defence and Che Adams meets it about 5 yards out but in exactly the same way as last year, he manages to smash it straight at Lloris instead of hitting the vast expanse of open goal on either side of him and the chance went begging. Arse

Saints are playing so well and Spurs are struggling to get out but on more or less the first occasion they do, there is a foul out on the left and a free-kick to be taken from that area that we always struggle from. The Minge clips in and Romero has a simple header into the net past Forster but the flag goes up immediately. A quick replay shows Spurs have about six players offside, who are still offside even allowing for the solid steel bollocks that our defenders have.  So, no drama at all really that you can hear the disappointment in the voices of Ian Skate Darke and Glenn Tottenham Hoddle on commentary for BT Sport.

The pressure is all on Spurs and they can barely get out of the defence but they do so by accident as Sanchez panics and aimlessly boots it forward and dissects our midfield and set Spurs on the attack. Wide it goes from The Minge to Kane, who passes it over and sets Reguilon up with a sitter from 10 yards…. but he shites himself and smashes it straight as a keeper. To be fair, Reguilon must’ve been confused by wondering how we could incorporate a dive into this passage of play. Never mind mate.

Another Spurs attack next and a big cross-field ball is eventually recovered by Royal who knocks in field to Moura who plays a lovely reverse ball to the overlapping Hojbjerg, who never did that when he played for us. His cross is heading for The Minge but Bednarek was determined in his quest for the Premier League Golden Boot of own goals and showed expert predatory movement to get in front of the striker and smash it into the net. Fucks sake. We’ve been the better side but find ourselves behind. When you see the replay, you can see that Bednarek has slid in with the wrong foot. If he had slid in with his left, it would’ve been a corner but he went with his right and has been unable to control where the ball is gone.

Golden Boot Incoming

Going a goal down just seems to have made us more intense and more determined. Elyounoussi produces a lovely bit of skill down the left to go past a clumsy looking lunge by Emerson Royal before teeing up JWP on the edge of the box and he goes for the near post and nearly catches Lloris out and a less agile goalkeeper than he would not of been able to get down and push it past the post.

From the next attack, it looks like Broja is going to get a shot away from the edge of the box but he wants it on his right foot and gets dispossessed by Sanchez who knocks it back to Davies and someone, somewhere played some tumbling clown music and the Welshman fell over on his arse and scooped the ball up into the air. Full-scale panic ensued and a bit of pinball before Perraud picked it up on the left and stabbed it across and there was Broja to side-foot powerfully past Lloris to deservedly make it one apiece.

Another chance a few minutes later and it’s a glorious opportunity to take the lead as KWP hooks it forward left-footed and Spurs defence gets caught flat-footed and Broja is away and behind them as he advances on Lloris from the right hand side and we wait for the net to bulge, he shanks it horribly wide of the far post but fear not Chelsea, we still want to sign him and we are quite happy for him to miss the occasional chance to keep the fee down.

We can’t keep missing these chances however and we get another one as we somewhat fortuitously win a corner over on the far side and then it comes from JWP, Lloris comes out flapping and misses it and it ends up with Salisu, diving in to head it but Davies manages to just about deflect it wide.  Over comes this resulting corner, which gets knocked out as far as Perraud, who takes a touch and absolutely lashes it back at the near post and it pings off the angle of post and bar.  Back it comes into the mixer again and Lloris is bouncing around like Tigger but he and Spurs just about gets away with it.  Shit. 

They get away with another one as a cross comes in and Hojbjerg leans into the ball, arm moving towards the ball, arm hits ball.  For the next 30 seconds I’m waiting for the game to stop whilst we go off the Stockley Park but no, nothing.  BT Sport show a replay – it’s as clear a handball as you like.  Ian Darke and Glenn Hoddle don’t dwell on it for too long.  Shite.

Half-time and now the fuck aren’t we winning. It’s hard to imagine that Conte will not do anything about it in the second half and that Spurs won’t be better. It’s also hard to imagine us managing to play with the same level of intensity for the next 45 minutes so there is a chance that we’ve missed out here. However, we have been so much better than them in this first half, there is hope it can continue.

Unsurprisingly, Spurs start the half better have a glorious chance as Reguilon gets down the left and gets over a really good cross which Harry Kane meets from all of 3 yards out but he sends his header down and it bounces up and over the bar as we are very fortunate. Glenn Hoddle spends the entire time the replays are showing, giving excuses for Kane missing a header from 3 yards.  Ian Darke still has his trousers round his ankles.

Nothing to See Here

Spurs are pressing us high and we’re not playing much football.  After good work by Adams, Saints win the ball back and Perraud clips it down the wing towards Broja who gets absolutely poleaxed by Emerson Royal, who just smashes into him in the air.  No free kick, Broja is down, the game doesn’t stop and Spurs work it to Kane, who knocks it through to Maura who plays in a lovely first time cross and there of course is The Minge to slide it into the corner of the net. Conte is going particularly celebration mental and then they show the replay of Royal's elbow making contact with the back of Broja’s head. I am not confident that they are going to go back as far as that with VAR even though the move started with it.  Down on the benches it has all kicked off with all the support staff going at each other and Antonio Conte trying to shush the Saints bench, who are clearly giving the opinion that this is the usual bullshit we get here. Off we go to VAR.

“Coots!... Coots – can you hear me?”
“Not really Brooksy mate… Conte is on an acid trip of some kind, off his tits!”
“Tell him to shut up then”
“No way mate, he might explode… anyway, what’s up? Why are Saints going mental?”
“Spurs won the ball from Emerson smashing into Broja, elbow to back of neck”
“Didn’t see that mate, was looking at the clouds”
“Looked like a head injury and Spurs played on”
“Nah, not having it… Broja limps everywhere, every week, not having it mate”
“Even so, it was a definite foul and they scored from it
“Nah, there was two passes and three seconds between that and the goal, plenty of time “to reset.
“You’re the boss Coots – can you see the BT Sport commentary box from there?
“Yes mate, Ian Darke is jumping up and down in his Pompey kit and Hoddle is making “cut-throat gestures whilst looking straight at me.
“Goal then?
“Goal it is…

Like when we conceded the first goal, straight away we are back on the attack and Spurs, who as I said, had been playing a lot more aggressively and pressing a lot higher at the start of the second half, are suddenly back under pressure again and we are playing all the football.  Do they think we’re done, and we’ll just roll over now? Winks makes an error in midfield and loses it to Broja who goes barrelling off towards goal and ignoring the pass he should’ve made to Adams, goes on before lashing a decent opportunity over the bar. Again, it’s all deliberate just to keep the price down.

On, on and suddenly Spurs can’t get the ball and we seem to keep it for a good minute, but this is passing with intent you can tell we are looking for an opening. Eventually KWP picks it up on the right-hand side and turns to find that Spurs have obligingly left JWP in acres and he fires over the first time cross and meets the run of Elyounoussi, who has jogged into the box and no Spurs defender picks him up, allowing him to glance it down and into the net and Lloris doesn’t even manage a dive. 2-2, come on!  Ssssssssshutup Conte!

Two minutes later and we’ve pinned them back again.  Perraud on the left hand side and his cross is flicked away but finds its way out to KWP again he thinks, you know, I will do this again and it just rolls it back to JWP who is again unmarked and once more, over comes the cross and this time he finds Che Adams at the back post unmarked and he powers the header in.  Mental, 3-2 - Shhhhhhhhhhh. What the fuck is going on here? Ralph is pulling some Dad dancing moves down the touchline in front of the Spurs bench. As if we couldn’t love him any more at this point.

The World's Finest Scot-Albanian Strike Force

There are 10 minutes to go, and Ralph replaces the strikers with the excellent Adams and Broja being replaced with Long and Walcott – no drop off there at all.  We reach 90 without any alarms and oh here we go, The Minge comes forward with the ball, bursts between two players and crashes to the deck with no contact whatsoever. Miraculously, David Coote doesn’t give it.  He should of course book the diving twat, but you can’t have everything.  Fuck off Minge.  We survive and then Walcott tries to run the ball out of the defence and loses it. Spurs feed Kane and his crosses in the box is met by Romero and there is the sub Bergwijn to tap into the net. Fucks sake. Oh, hang on the second, we are going upstairs.

“Hi Brooksy… what’s the craic… good game isn’t it… 94^th minute equaliser, 3-3”
“You’re not going to believe this Coots”
“What?”
“Bergwijn looks offside”
“He can’t be, it’s Spurs at home against Southampton, you know how it works”
“The guideline is “massive dive in the last few minutes, decision to Spurs”… can’t let this one go”
“Why not?
“Cos it’s clearly offside and no amount of pixilation, thicker lines or a broken etch-a-sketch will change that.”
“Fuck… I should’ve given that Son dive a few minutes ago”
“Nah mate.  Even Big Mikey Dean couldn’t have given that one – it was fucking horrendous”
“OK then – offside – besides it’ll be funny seeing Conte lose his shit.”
“Certainly will Coots, make sure you take in the crushing disappointment in the Darke/Hoddle corner”

Ian Darke: Dry Your Eyes, Skate.

No goal - ha ha ha. Two minutes later and we’re done.  Winning.

Get the fuck in there – wonderful result and also, you would be hard pressed to find anyone to argue that that wasn’t a deserved win.  On the stats we absolutely murdered them in terms of shots, corners, possession and all that shit that doesn’t really matter.  What does matter is the goals though and a 3-2 win up here is an absolutely fantastic result. 

Apart from putting the ball in the net, the first half was as good a performance as you could possibly hope for. We kept the ball, we pinned Spurs back and we created endless chances but missed all bar one of them.   We really should have been out of sight.  Spurs pinned us back at the start of the second half until they went ahead and then they took a step back which allowed us to take over again and score our totally deserved identikit goals.

In the battle of the managers there was only one winner with Ralph proving how good he is. It was particularly sweet because Conte got all mouthy after the second Spurs goal before being put completely back in his box by our two late goals and Ralph’s dance moves down the touchline.  Love it.

I said at the start of the game that we needed a fair shake off the referee and in the main David Coote was pretty good. He didn’t buy the obligatory dive from The Minge as we reached the 90th minute but there were still two massive decisions that went against us though, the first being the penalty we should’ve got at the end of the first half when Hojbjerg clearly handled and the second one was of course the second Spurs goal. There is of course, always a bent goal when we play at Spurs away but this time it happened early enough that we could do something about it. I’ve seen it argued that it was a head injury, and you should stop the game straight away. That’s true but even if it’s not a head injury, that was a fucking foul as Emerson Royal just jumped straight into Broja. Karma bit Emerson firmly in the arse within 10 minutes though as he was the defender who was nowhere near Elyounoussi for the equaliser, and he was the defender nowhere near Adams for the winner. In fairness, Adams should have been Davisson Sanchez’ man. Same mistake twice in three minutes either way.

Royal is their new £25 million right back and we had KWP who Spurs sold to us for half the amount. I find it hilarious hearing Spurs commentators and fans wanting him back at Spurs when he was there for five years and hardly played a fucking game.  KWP was brilliant today – the most telling contributions being to two perfectly weighted passes he put back to JWP for him to swing the two crosses in first time.

Talking of Spurs commentators, I watched the game on BT Sport where we were treated to Ian Darke, who is what we call a skate bastard and what everyone else calls a Portsmouth fan. On co-commentary we had Spurs legend Glenn Hoddle.  Hoddle is like Jamie Carragher in a way, in that his analysis is usually pretty good when it’s a neutral game but when he’s doing the analysis for his own team it’s ridiculously bent and painful to listen to – not as high pitched but still painful. When the discussions were going on about the second Spurs goal, he was desperately trying to find every single reason why it should be a goal and the Skate was just doing his usual “lost points from winning position” routine.  Spurs dropped three points from a winning position today Ian and Saints didn’t drop any, but you didn’t mention it.  Sorry to ruin your narrative…. and Glenn, Spurs were not robbed of an equaliser by VAR. You are not robbed if the correct decision is reached and that was clearly a correct decision.

Everywhere you looked today they were fucking massive performances, from Fraser right through to Armando up front. The ones who are slightly more brilliant the others were the aforementioned KWP and his fellow full-back Romain Perraud, who was fantastic on the left-hand side along with Elyounoussi, even though the latter took about half an hour off at the start of the second half and then came to life for the last 15 when we started playing a bit more football again.  Perraud’s improvement shows there is absolutely no reason to rush Livramento back into the team and this is of course the competition you want for places.

JWP in the centre was an absolute machine and those two crosses for the two headers were absolutely superb but as everyone who only watches highlights knows, he’s just a free-kick merchant. Stuart Armstrong again showed just how much he has been missed this season so far and it was another absolutely top-notch performance by him.

Gone are the days of us caving in at the first setback.  Brilliant today and keeping going, even though we were behind twice, missed the first half chances, didn’t get the penalty decision and the shambles over Spurs 2^nd goal.  Ralph’s interview with Peter Crouch and Franny Benali after the game was class – he basically said that they knew that we were going to get some dodgy decisions and it makes winning at big grounds even more difficult.  I loved the way he kind of shrugged it off – I guess the £20k fine he got earlier in the season for nothing makes it a bit easier in a way.

Next up we have Manchester United on Saturday morning and they’ve had an extra day to recover so we are up against it but with the current mentality in the team, why not? The early kick-off gives us even less time, but today’s result makes Saturday a bit of a free hit, so let’s fucking hit it.

Today was one of the really great days and quite a good start to Ralph’s long goodbye.  Up to 10th in the league and the expected drop-off hasn’t quite started yet.