Premier League Match 26 - Everton 1 Southampton 0

 

8 minutes and.... Shit!

A trip to Goodison Park where we always do really well (Cough!, Cough! Bullshit!), to play Everton. You could say we do well there if your idea of doing well is having our last win in 1997. I went to that game, I was 28 at the time and I’m now 52. Goodison Park hasn’t changed since then though and it’s one of the ever declining number of proper, traditional football grounds that are left.

What has changed this season at Everton, is on the pitch with Carlo Ancelotti getting in the players that he wants to get in and he has done a very good job. It’s an interesting parallel with Saints at the moment. Ancelotti has had to do without his first choice full-backs in Lucas Digne and Séamus Coleman at various times this season and he too has put central defenders in the wide positions with Ben Godfrey and Mason Holgate forced to stand in. The difference is that he has found a way to subtly tweak the formation, play the four defenders narrow and find a way to win games. It helps of course if you have the resources that Everton Ihave got to buy players like Godfrey for £25 million, mind you, he was rubbish when he played at SMS earlier this season.  Everton have been somewhat patchy this season but you can’t help but admire the manager and know that they are completely going in the right direction with him in charge.

Elsewhere on the pitch they have one of our arch nemeses in Richarlison, who is a complete and utter bastard but he always scores against us and always plays well, even if the rest of the Everton team doesn’t at times. When we played at the start the season at St Mary‘s and the media were full of James Rodriguez and his impact, we dealt with it superbly and won the game relatively comfortably, mainly through making James do the defensive side of the game, which he couldn’t be bothered with. We also saw Jannik Vestergaard completely nullify Dominic Calvert-Lewin and we’re going to need a similar performance today. I go into this game with very low expectations.

When it rains it certainly pours. It’s a sort of downpour at the moment where you don’t just get a little bit wet and are left wondering whether you actually need to change any of your clothes or not. It’s the kind of downpour where you are walking along the side of the road and a bastard great lorry goes through a fucking great puddle which is next to you that you haven’t seen, and instantly you are as wet as you could possibly be. That’s how fucking wet we are getting at the moment with everything that is going wrong.  I am of course referring to the news that Oriol Romeu has had his ankle broken, in no small part by the pitch at Elland Road on Tuesday. He is one player that we certainly cannot afford to lose but lose him we have and we now need to get on with it. The one remaining option to partner JWP in midfield is a course Alex Jankewitz , who last played at Old Trafford when….  you know the drill. If he plays today, there will be a massive collective intake of breath as he goes in for his first tackle.

Personally, I hope Jankewitz is playing and we are not trying to shoehorn Armstrong into the centre of midfield. That in my opinion would not be good. I’m torn between Bednarek playing at right back or putting Kayne Ramsay in there. The thought of Bednarek trying to stop Lucas Digne’s runs forward it’s not a particularly appealing one. We have another issue in that Takumi Minamino is also injured though this is just a tight hamstring so he shouldn’t be out for too long. Hopefully this means that Nathan Tella continues in the team and then it’s just a case of Redmond or Adams to partner Danny Ings upfront. I’d go for Adams any day, and twice on a Monday, though neither are great at the moment.

The eventual team news and is a bit of a surprise and the headline is that Fraser Forster starting in goal. It’s a really odd situation because he deserves a run in the team but at the same time, Alex McCarthy doesn’t really deserve to be dropped. He played well at Leeds and single-handedly kept us in the game.  Maybe he could have done better on the 3^rd goal but basically, JWP ducked in the wall which would have meant he saw it late.  Elsewhere, and I can’t believe I’m writing this, Stuart Armstrong is in the centre of midfield. Saints record with Stuart Armstrong in the centre of midfield is played 110 minutes, scored none, conceded 11. Hopefully he’s been working at when to run forward and when to sit, during the week. Infuriatingly, Ralph has picked the wrong Nathan and Nathan Tella has been dropped and Nathan Redmond has been put in his spot on the wing. The silver lining of that is that Che Adams is restored alongside Danny Ings up front.  Despite getting a new contract this week, Kayne Ramsay is still on the bench with Jan Bednarek one assumes, looking after right back duties which is okay because they just have Lucas Digne and Richarlison playing down that side. Everton are at full strength apart from Seamus Coleman being missing and James Rodriguez is nowhere to be seen either with his place taken by Gylfi Sigurdsson who as you know, always fucking scores against us. Optimism is running somewhere between nil and zero.

It’s a kind of nothing opening five minutes with the only action in the penalty area being Fraser showing his new found ability to get off his line as he slides out, hands first and takes the ball off the feet of Sigurdsson.  Great old school goalkeeping.  Unfortunately, the next time he’s called into action is on the 8 minute mark as Pickford launches one up to Calvert-Lewin, who beats Salisu in the air and then wins the second header.  It drops to Sigurdsson who plays it through to Richarlison and he skips around the keeper and scores.  For fucks sake.

Salisu is clearly rattled and the next ball up gets knocked down to Calvert-Lewin and Salisu tries to kick his head off. He wins the ball but that’s always going to be a free-kick.  Over it comes and a powerful header by Richarlison which is superbly saved down low by Forster but he’s well offside as our usual thing of standing in a line on the edge of a penalty area and hoping they get caught offside, works well.

Another free kick given away to give Everton another go and this time they try and fake delay it and Digne whips it in, Holgate is free at the back and nods it across and Keane nods it in.  Everton celebrate whilst we look in hope at the linesman and up we go to VAR and Holgate is clearly offside so we breathe again as it’s disallowed.

The game is so shit that it’s only set pieces that threaten the goal.  We get one as Holgate hauls down Ings in the right back spot on the edge of the box.  JWP swings it in and Calvert-Lewin takes responsibility and heads at wide of his near post.  Over comes to corner and Djenepo picks it up on the right wing makes an absolute mug of Doucoure along the line, then knocks it through Digne’s legs and Adams just crashes it straight at Salisu and it hits him and drops to Pickford.

Ings clips a ball through to Adams who rolls around Godfrey who as hold of him momentarily so it should be a free-kick on the edge of the box but he lets go and then falls over in front of Adams who goes over him, in exactly the same way that Calvert-Lewin fell over a prone Alexander-Arnold last week and got given a penalty. There is never any question that we are going to get given a penalty.

Half time is here and though we are one down, it hasn’t been as bad as expected.  Armstrong has been very good in central midfield and has ensured that we are solid.  It’s just a shame we got done by what is a basic Route 1 goal.

I’m sure that at half time, Ralph didn’t say, “Give them a load more free kicks in our half because they’ll score from one in a minute” but Redmond obviously heard that and gives away a stupid foul  In it comes and the offside trap doesn’t work and Keane heads goalward and we scramble it out as far as Godfrey who sees his gold bound shot cleared by Vestergaard.

The excitement only rises above ‘dead’ when we get a corner which Salisu heads well wide and the half bores on.  We haven’t caved in, but we are offering no threat at all.  With 30 to go it’s substitution time and we’re all waiting to see what’s going to happen… and we’re all expecting Redmond to come off… but it’s not him who comes off it’s Salisu who to be replaced by Nathan Tella. That’s a bit fucking weird and it means that Djenepo is going to right back to play against Richarlison and Digne.  This will end well.  Fifteen minutes later, N’Lundulu is on for Adams.

Nothing really happens until the 86th minute.  Tella picks up the ball in midfield and spins past Doucoure before feeding Armstrong who beat a defender before finding Tella again and getting the ball back and the space opens up on the right hand side for Djenepo. Armstrong rolls it into his path and Djenepo has a free shot of goal on the angle and side foots it a foot wide of the far post with the Flailing Midget Armed T-Rex in goal, nowhere near it.  Brilliant build up and a poor finish.

With two minutes to go, Redmond is finally put out of his misery and replaced with Caleb Watts and there is still time to win another corner on the left.  In it comes from JWP, scrambled half clear and Djenepo’s shot is block and it eventually breaks to Vestergaard who slips as he hits it left-footed and Pickford, by now in full flappy Tigger mode, manages to get in the way

We have been playing with a bit of urgency for the last 5 minutes and now there is 94 minutes on the clock and we chuck one in the mixer which Pickford flaps out and we win another corner.  Fraser is up and it comes again and Everton half clear again and then clear Tella’s return into the box and that’s it as far as Martin Atkinson is concerned and lo and behold, we’ve fucking lost again.

Bizarrely, in truth, it is probably a result I would’ve taken before the first whistle but Everton weren’t great. They scored their goal and apart from the last couple of minutes it was relatively comfortable for them after that.  It was a shite game with just one chance which came from build up play, as opposed to a Route 1 ball or a set piece.

I will admit that I was completely wrong about Stuart Armstrong as he was easily man of the match playing in the centre of midfield.  He remained fairly disciplined throughout but still found time to be the most likely source of a goal with his determined running forward and general intelligence. We did miss him further up the pitch though which is not surprising because the wide men chosen just didn’t do it and more on that later.

I’ve seen a lot of rubbish written and heard a lot of rubbish said about Danny Ings over the past few weeks, stuff like that he’s not trying because he wants to move etc. Utter bullshit.  He may want to move but for me, it’s remarkable that he puts in the performances that he does given the lack of help he is given from the other three forward players around him and the lack of service he gets.

Che Adams is in a downward spiral at the moment and just doesn’t look like getting out of it. There is the odd good bit of play but in the main, he is very easily handled by whatever defender he is up against. Having done nothing as a striker over the past few weeks, Nathan Redmond got given yet another chance in his previously favourite position of left-wing and showed a couple of half decent half breaks around the half way line but when it came to doing anything in the final third, you can forget it.  He also gave the ball away countless times either with careless passes or just nothing tackles that let in the Everton player walk away with the ball.  On the other wing,  Moussa Djenepo produced one brilliant run along the goal line in the first half and he showed a decent sense of adventure when he got moved to right back for the last 20 minutes of the game, when we were chasing it.  Also, he really should’ve scored though with that one chance that Armstrong and Tella carved out for him. 

Ask yourself the question, if you were Danny Ings, would you sign another contract for us at the moment? I wouldn’t. It’s no wonder we don’t score any goals when Ings frequently finds himself out wide trying to create something because others can’t and when he puts across in the box, None of the other three are making any runs at all and are basically playing statues.

We got done on the goal because Salisu, was playing on the left-hand side which meant he came up against Dominic Calvert-Lewin. Everyone knows this season that DCL has been untouchable in the air against everybody apart from Vestergaard. I didn’t think of this until the goal went in but not having Vestergaard in the left-hand channel was a mistake. He wasn’t there because we were fucking around playing Bednarek at right back which in turn meant that Salisu, in his second Premier League game, was marking a striker, the type of which he will never have come up against before. Salisu will learn but he got battered by DCL for the goal and our old mate Richarlison skipped round the keeper and scored.

Another Standard Digne Moment

Richarlison is a crying little bitch. A very good player but a nasty player he’s quite happy to leave his foot in but he is a crying little fucking baby if there is any contact from any opposition player. It’s fucking embarrassing. Almost as embarrassing as Lucas Digne who is right out there with Andy Robertson in the “opposition left backs who need a damn good fucking slap” stakes.  Another snide little shitbag of a player and similar to his dreadful tackle on KWP at St Mary‘s, he produced another one today on Djenepo which unbelievably, Martin Atkinson didn’t even think warranted a yellow card.  He also has perfected the 'Yell of Death' when barely touch which is particularly effective in these empty grounds.  When he doesnt get the free kick after the Yell of Death, he is straight back up again.

For me, Ralph’s big decisions had a mixed success. Fraser Forster did well in goal and should get a run of games now. Bednarek at right back was better than it was against Leeds but we need everything we can in an attacking sense and he offers nothing on the right hand side which is of course, not his fault. As said, Stuart Armstrong did well but was needed further forward. Armstrong had a decent game but the bottom line is that we still lost and maybe Alex Jankewitz would’ve had a good game in midfield and then Armstrong could’ve been used further forward. I’m probably going to be accused of jumping on the bandwagon but how on earth can Nathan Redmond be appalling for 88 minutes before he gets taken off. Tella did more as a sub today than Redmond has done all season.  The substitution which brought on Tella and took off Salisu and meant Djenepo was at right back, was slightly random and completely alarming at the time but to be fair, that one actually worked quite well because Everton weren’t that interesting in attacking at that point and he therefore didn’t have to do much defending. 

So, it’s one point from nine games now which of course is fucking appalling but as usual, the sun will rise tomorrow and we have another game coming up and it’s Sheffield United away from home. Having lost this game today, we absolutely have to be looking to win this game on Saturday because the one after that is Manchester City and we’re not fucking winning that one. There is a good chance that KWP, Minamino and Diallo will be back for that game and we have to hope that they are and also that they make a difference and we come home with three points.

Up the fucking Saints!