Premier League Match 13 - Arsenal 2 Southampton 2

Who's Our Best Striker?

I used to find that the international breaks were a real pain. England would jet off and play two European non-entities and usually do enough to get the job done and it would be dull and I would miss not having an upcoming Saints game to think about. How times change. England still went and smashed two football non-entities but no match for Southampton has been a blessed relief. I haven’t checked but I probably wrote something very similar at the last international break.

Still, there has always been Twitter to keep us entertained. The less said about some of it the better but I did put a question out there about the fact that we don’t appear to have many people in key positions that you would normally associate with a Premier League football club. Les Reed and Ross Wilson have left and not been replaced so we have no Director of Football type and no Head of Recruitment type. Lots has been made about the fact that Ralph doesn’t appear to have anyone to talk to on the sideline and therefore no Assistant Manager. Richard Kitzbichler is listed as a ‘first-team assistant coach’ on the official website, which is the same title Dave Watson and Kelvin Davis have got. I know this is probably semantics but the term ‘first team coach’, implies to me someone who designs and takes training sessions, whereas the term “assistant first team coach“ implies the good old BBC - balls, bibs and cones and not a lot else. On top of that, Radhi Jaidi going to America has left us with a temporary Under 23s manager, which dovetails nicely with the temporary Under 18s manager that we have. Is this Saints doing their usual and trying to be ahead of the game and slightly edgy and different or is it the size of a club that really doesn’t know where it’s going or what the structure should be. Just seems to me that having this uncertainty whilst the season is going on, is a slightly bizarre way to go about things. My tweet was discussed at length on the Southampton Dellivery Podcast by Matt Markstone and Carl Anka, the Saints reporter from The Athletic. It is of course a more informed view with Carl having some degree of access to the club. A link to the podcast is here

https://www.podbean.com/eu/pb-zmi9v-c80e11

And it’s worth a listen. I’ll let you make your own mind up as to whether we’re a shambles or not.

Ralph’s press conference before the Arsenal game was good as he said that he has all the players available to play the system that he wants to play in the game against Arsenal. This, I would assume, means that Ryan Bertrand is going to come straight back into the team and there will be no players trying to play a new position for the first time in the rarefied atmosphere of the Premier League. Shane Long for right wingback anyone? Hopefully the spirit of George Burley can stay in the bottle where it belongs.

If we’ve been a bit of a shambles this season then Arsenal have been one as well in relative terms. I mean, they are still hanging around the top five or six of the league and their very entitled fan base have absolutely no fucking idea what struggle is about. The team is of course going through a transitional phase with Wenger having left after so long and it’s exactly the same as when Ferguson left Manchester United. Whoever comes in has got to put his own imprint on things and try and change things and of course, fans of the big clubs have absolutely no patience whatsoever. Unai Emery seems to have a decent collection of youngsters to bring through and they have some good attacking players of course but The defence is quite frankly, no better than ours and we are not going to be troubling the top four any time soon. Emery also made a rod for his own back by appointing Granit Xhaka as captain when the Arsenal faithful already hated him. For the record, I think Xhaka is a decent player but the Gooners don’t and this became a problem when he was substituted a couple weeks back and the substitution was cheered then he was booed as he slowly crawled off of the pitch telling everyone and anyone to fuck off. My opinion is that you don’t boo any player who is wearing the shirt, even if you really do not rate them (and even if they are Cedric Soares) so I’m on team Xhaka for this one Especially when it was revealed the extent of the horrific messages he had been sent on social media, even before the latest incident.

Still, any toxic atmosphere at the Emirates today can only help us. In fact it will make a bit of a change for there to be any noise at all at the Emirates with it being the sort of ground where usually you can hear a Gooner fart at the other end of the ground, unless it’s in the immediate aftermath of Arsenal scoring. The chances are that with Aubameyang , Lacazette and Pepe in their side, we are not going to keep a clean sheet today so we have to go for it a bit and play on the fact that they have Calum Chambers, David Luiz and Sokratis playing in defence. It’s not hard to work out where the weak area is.

Just up the road from Arsenal of course is Tottenham where Murchio Pochettino has just been sacked. It took a lot longer than I thought it would and he has had much more success than I thought he would at Tottenham but after five years, it had gone stale there and having over achieved massively in reaching a Champions League Final, he was never going to be able to repeat that this season without some very major investment which Daniel Levy was never going to give him. Mauricio has got out of Spurs with his reputation enhanced and will be in the conversation when the likes of Bayern Munich, Real Madrid, Manchester United and Paris St Germain decide to dispense with the present incumbent.

Back to today and our line-up is announced with much teeth gnashing and abuse and #RalphOut. I suspect that the majority of these people don’t think before they start angrily smashing at the keyboard. Arsenal’s weakness is susceptibility against pace at the back which explains why Obafemi had been picked. In midfield, Romeu had been left out to accommodate Armstrong. Oriol is a bit unlucky to be the one who missed out but one out of JWP, Hojbjerg and himself had to go. At the back, it’s a back four and includes the two centre backs who have been in the best form, namely Jack Stephens and Jan Bednarek.

Arsenal have a world-class forward line in Aubameyang and Lacazette , an average midfield in Terreira, Ozil and Guendouzi and a shit defence, containing as it does, David Luiz , Calum Chambers and Sokraris. Chambers is apparently having the longest run that he’s ever had in the Arsenal first time in five years. This proves that they have finally come down to his level.

Unlike our last game at home to Everton, we start on the front foot and Armstrong tries a potshot in the first minute which doesn’t trouble Leno.  The effect though is that is saus straight away that we’re going to have a go.  Thirty seconds to have more shots than in the first half against Everton.

A positive start and then Calum Chambers decides not to bother defending and just bodychecks Redmond out of the way. Ryan Bertrand grabs the ball and quickly knocks the free-kick through to Danny Ings whilst Arsenal are not looking. Ings just go straight for goal, draws the keeper and knocks it into the net off of the near post to put us 1-0 up. Unbelievable and what is this sorcery?  A brilliant bit of play by Bertrend and Ings and 84 minutes to hang on.

We have negotiated about 10 of the 84 but Arsenal have worked out to attack down our right because we don’t have anyone defending there.  We nominally have Cedric at right back but he’s nowhere near Tierney who puts his cross into the box and finds Aubameyang.  He brings it down and hits it and Bertrand chucks himself in the way but it bounces to Lacazette who  turns sharply and smashes it into the net, giving no one a prayer of getting in the way. Bollocks, well that didn’t last long.

We actually play quite well for the rest of the first half, carrying a threat when we go forward and actually knocking the ball around nicely.  JWP and Hojbjerg are ruling the midfield area where Ozil is of course not tracking anyone and the twat with the hair is just trying to kick people.  It doesn’t take long before any decision in our favour sees Arsenal surrounding the referee, usually led by Lacazette who seems to run to get involved in every discussion regardless of whether he’s involved or not.  Fuck off you twat.

Half time and we’ve been decent.  Entitled Arsenal fans boo their team off because they aren’t beating this bottom of the league shite.  Emery’s fix is for poor old Arsenal to bring on their £72 million winger and take off the liability that is Calum Chambers so he can spend the rest of the game sizing up his January loan move to the Championship.

Arsenal d start the second half the strong and Pepe breaks away on our right but luckily he chooses the wrong option and tries to find a colleague rather than go straight for goal and shoot and Bednarek gets back to pull off a last ditch block.  Can’t belive they keep attacking down our right as we have a Euro Champion over there.  Dunno where he was mind you – must have had something better to do.  For our part, we’re keeping them honest and still finding space to attack and Redmond drives forward and just when you wanted his to reproduce his Fratton finish, he smashes it just over the bar.

Unbelievably, Arsenal attack down our right again and Tierney unbelievably has no full back anywhere near him and picks out Pepe with a cross and the substitute attempts a scissor volley and smashes it down and up and onto the bar and out.  Living dangerously now.

After the initial worrying 15 minutes at the start of this half we begin to play well again, finding our way into the Arsenal half with ease. Despite having taken Chambers off, Arsenal are still appallingly shit at the back and David Luiz gives the ball to Sokratis who thinks he’s Franz Beckenbauer all of a sudden and tries to take on Cedric who is loitering in the penalty area after our last attack. Cedric does brilliantly to nick the ball of him and with Sokratis on the deck, Leno covering the near post and Obafemi stood 6 yards out in front of the empty net, all Cedric needs to do his roll it along the ground about 5 yards. So what does our Euro Champion do?  I mean, we know he can’t defend for shit but that article in the Guardian said he had phenomenal crossing so what does he do?

Does he …

a) skip around the keeper and score himself,.

b) roll it along the ground for Obafemi to tap into an empty net

c) brainlessly drill it across the fucking box at waist height, giving Obafemi absolutely no chance to react, allowing Arsenal to clear the ball.

Yep, you fucking guessed it.

No worries though as a few minutes later we break superbly on the left and the ball finds Obafemi out wide.  He threads a through ball to Ings in much the same way that he did in the demolition derby at Fratton Park, only this time, Tierney runs across Ings and pulls him back. Miraculously, Stuart Atwell not only sees it but at the home ground of the top six club, actually gives it. A quick VIR check and unbelievably, it’s still a penalty. Up steps JWP and I’m feeling quite confident…. but it doesn’t hit it very well and Leno plunges to his left to parry it back out… and JWP smashes it into an empty net. Fucking hell. A momentary nightmare but we are 2-1 in front.

Shane Long is on for Ings and Djenepo is on for Obafemi as Ralph keeps the pace up front and doesn’t bring on another defender and sit back.  This is good news.  The shit part of Arsenal’s team is still the shit part of Arsenal’s team so why change?  As if to prove that point almost straight away, a bal out if flicked on by Djenepo to Redmond and Redders draws the defender before finding Djenepo again who bangs it past leno but Willock has got back to stop a certain goal.  Good defending to be fair.

The final sub is Boufal on for Armstrong so again, it’s an attacking change when it could have been Romeu or Yoshida coming on and once again, the sub works… well it should have anyway.  Boufal picks it up on the left and goes on one of his mazy runs, beating a few and getting to the line and rolling the ball back to Djenepo who is only five yards out and from right on front of the goal, he fucking puts it wide.  Unbelievable.

And so we reach the 96 minute and one last Arsenal attack and what do you fucking know. Down our right hand side they go yet again and Martinelli this time, again totally on the hindered by our European champion right back who has been caught ball watching, gets the cross over and in the carnage that follows with McCarthy attempting and missing a flying punch, Lacazette brings it down and smashes it into the net. There’s a bizarre moment when I think it’s going to be disallowed by VAR because no one is celebrating and there’s not much noise on the ground because most of the Arsenal fans, appear to have fucked off. Fucks sake, 2-2 and we only have ourselves to blame.

It’s the hope that kills you isn’t it? Usually I am absolutely convinced that we are going to let a goal in when we are one goal in front going into the last few minutes but today I really thought we were going to get to the end of the game and see this one out. I thought that Arsenal, with all the problems that they’ve been having, weren’t going to get the break they needed to get them an equaliser but in typical Southampton fashion, we managed to miss chance after chance and then cough up a goal right at the fucking end. Gutted. Took the gun, loaded it and shot ourselves in the bollocks.

Unlike most of our recent defeats though, there were some positives to take from today, not least in the performance of Ralph Hasenhuttl.  It’s been well documented that he’s had some severe wobbly moments this season but today I find it hard to find a single fault in anything that he did. The original team selection was a bit of an eye-opener but it was pretty obvious if you bothered to actually look into it, that he had picked this team specifically to play against the weaknesses in Arsenal’s team. The tactics of having Obafemi and Redmond stretching and pressing Arsenal’s very very dodgy back three worked really well. The tried and tested and very slow midfield three that we usually put out there with Hojbjerg Romeu and JWP, needed changing and the inclusion of Armstrong gave us a bit of tactical flexibility and we didn’t miss the more destructive qualities of Romeu, even though he’s probably been the best midfielder that we have had this season. Picking two central defenders to play in a back four it’s always going to be a nightmare with the players we have available but Stephens deserved to play after his last few performances and he and Bednarek formed a decent partnership. The decision to leave Vestergaard out was 100% correct.

Personally I would not have picked Cedric but when he can be bothered he is the best right back that we have to play in a back four. Ralph’s substitutions were at the right time and were very brave especially bringing on Boufal when we were to one up. It would’ve been very easy to bring Romeu on but Boufal came on with the intent of getting us a third goal and he kept Arsenal pinned back and set up the glorious chance that Djenepo horrifically put a foot wide.

The reason we didn’t win this game is nothing to do with the manager. It is down to the age old fact but you cannot win matches at Premier League level if you miss the kind of chances that we missed. The absolute abortion of a cross by Cedric to Obafemi was in my opinion, the worst of the lot. Cedric had done so well to take the ball off the horrific Sokratis but you would think the player who had that very positive article about himself in a national paper recently, would be able to pass the ball 5 yards along the ground. Djenepo’s miss after Boufal jinked past 3 players and gave it to him on a plate was horrific but the other Djenepo miss was down to good defending but he should still have scored obviously.

Moussa Reflects on his Miss and Cedric Reflects on Yet Another Goal from His Side.

As I’ve frequently said, I’m not a fan of Cedric and his defending at times was horrific as he totally failed to stop any cross coming into a box and I have no idea where he was on the second goal. Other than him, I thought everyone played excellently and none of the players can really be criticised. Stephens and Bednarek were excellent at centre back and hopefully we persevere with that. JWP had his best game of the season in midfield, though I could have done without him playing a 1-2 off of the goalkeeper from the penalty spot. All of the forward players contributed in keeping the Arsenal defenders under pressure, Ings got another goal which was another excellent finished and Obafemi would have had a goal if our phenomenal crosser of a Euro 2016 winner could pass a ball 5 yards along the ground.

For a side hoping to finish up near the top of the league, Arsenal are hilariously bad. The back three is barely championship standard but what I found particularly irritating about them was the amount of surrounding of the referee and people running to get involved in situations which had absolutely fuck all to do with them. Lacazette was the worst in this regard and that little shit with the hair in midfield, really needs to get a slap off of someone. There was a stat kicking around which said that it was Calum Chambers longest run in the Arsenal starting 11. All that proves is how they have come down to his level.

Despite the last-minute equaliser, this needs to be a springboard for Saints, a springboard to get results in the next few games. We need to play with that energy and that determination for the whole 95 minutes in the games we have got coming up. Repeat today’s performance levels and we give ourselves a chance but if we slip back to something approaching the Everton first half performance then we may as well get ready for the Championship right now.  Today is the day to look at the performance and believe that we can get better. We have gone away to Arsenal and got a point and regardless of how relatively bad Arsenal are these days, to go there and get a point is decent but it will be another false dawn if we don’t beat Watford on Saturday.  This really has to be a win.

PS – I know I mentioned the Cedric – Obafemi thing about 3 times.  It’s justified as it was that shit.

Premier League Match 12 - Southampton 1 Everton 2

I Told Ralph Where the Secret Drinks Cabinet Was

You can argue all day whether this game against Everton is a must win game or not. Whether it is or whether it isn’t, it would certainly help if we won it. There are a number of tactical things that Ralph must ponder before picking his team for today. The defence played well last week but we were very very compact and you can’t always be that in home games when you’re trying to score a goal at the other end as usually the defence pushes up towards the halfway line. Can we afford to do that with the oil tanker that is Vestergaard in the side? Will Vestergaard even play? If not, will Danso play in the back three or will it even be a back three, maybe it will be a back four and if so, which two centre backs will play when you have to bear in mind that none out of Stephens, Hojbjerg or Valery seem very comfortable in a flat back four. My guess is that we will pick the same 11, in the same formation as we had up at City. Maybe the fit again Cedric will come in for Valery but maybe not as he announced he was leaving this week. I can’t see Djenepo starting ahead of Armstrong as I think the man from Mali will be left to be used as an impact sub in the last 25 minutes or so.

We have to be looking to win this game as Everton are shit away from home and they have been pretty much just a shit as we have been this season. They only sit a couple of places above us in the league table which for a team of their expectancy is pretty appalling. Most recently they had a home 1-1 draw with Spurs which was one of the worst games I have ever sat through. The game itself will only be remembered for the horrific injury suffered by Andre Gomes and we can only hope that he makes a full recovery. The injury to Gomes will no doubt bring Gylfi Sigurdsson into the Everton line-up which is a shame because as we all know, the bastard always scores against us.

This game is going to either force a jolt of major optimism through the Saints fan base or it is going to serve as a collective kick in the bollocks and suck all the life out of everyone. I think most accept now that we are in a relegation battle already and that we need to start picking up points in the battle... and that starts today.

The main news of this week has been Radhi Jaidi leaving the football club, temporarily it appears, to take over as the manager of the Houston Oil Tankers or whoever in the second division of the MLS in America. On the face of it this seems very odd. On the one hand we could be seeing great potential in the guy and want to loan him out to give him experience. This appears to be fraught with danger because if he loses his first 10 games they are not going to want to keep him and he’ll come back to us having proved only that he was a failure.  If he does well and stays for a full year, then what? Does he come back to Southampton and take over the under 23’s again? What if whoever takes over the under 23’s does well?  I find it slightly odd that with all the times we’ve changed managers over the last few years, Jaidi has never been mentioned as a serious candidate for either the permanent position or even as a caretaker manager. When Ralph was about to join, the club saw fit to put Kelvin bloody Davis in charge, a man with zero management experience at any level at all.

If you’re being uncharitable about it then you could say that Saints are merely treading the well worn path of for some reason, not being able to get rid of someone, so we loan him out like we have done all the shit players.

Right up there with Lemina in the "Fucking Deluded Dickhead" Stakes

There was also a remarkable newspaper piece about Cedric which his representatives must have written themselves. It basically stated that he was brilliant (when he’s bang average at best) and that Saints couldn’t afford to let him and Virgil Van Dijk go at the same time (as if he was in any way relevant in that) and that he had an amazingly successful loan spell at Inter (4 games in 4 months and they didn’t want him) and that he’s a great crosser if the ball (if you forget about the 9 out of 10 crosses that go to fucking no one or straight to a defender). Also apparently, he is leaving at the end of the season no matter what. Good fucking riddance you Harry Styles wannabe boy band tight shirted dick head. Fuck off. How on earth have the club allowed him to give this interview and basically talk absolute fucking bollocks about himself in an attempt to put himself in the shop window.? Me, me, me, me, me. Fuck off.

After a traffic nightmare around Mount Pleasant train gates, I get to the ground two minutes before kick-off and take ownership of my free scarf, I assume given as some sort of consolation prize for watching us lose 9-0 the other week. The sight of this shit actually puts me in a bad mood before the game kicks off. Ralph has clearly been at Whiskey George’s stash again and playing with his tombola again as the 11 names don’t form any discernible team no matter how hard you try. Fucking Cedric has been picked, despite being a fucking wanker. My best guess is .... It looks like Djenepo is playing at left-wing back because Hojbjerg is not even in the 18, presumably injured. The players line up and what the fuck? Armstrong is at right-wing back (where he has presumably never played in his life) with Harry fucking Styles on the left. JWP is captain for the day and he’s in the middle with Oriol and upfront we have Ings, supported by Redmond and Djenepo. Bits of this line-up look promising but other bits look tragic.

Free Scarf - Fuck Off!

So, with a fast start needed, four minutes, 1-0 down. Everton win a corner and when it comes from our left, a flick on and there is Tom Davies all on his own at the back post to nod it past McCarthy for the simplest fucking goal you could ever score in your life.

Having had all the confidence knocked out of us after four minutes, we then proceed to play walking football for the next 41 with a ball being passed about amongst our defenders, allowing Everton to get 11 players behind the ball and eventually either Stephens or Vestergaard had to attempt a ridiculous pass to a static player who invariably lost the ball. I don’t blame the defenders at all for this as both of them were clearly gesticulating to the players further up the pitch to actually fucking move. Djenepo showed the odd flash by drifting past a player but he was restricted by having that complete wanker Cedric playing behind him who was offering absolutely nothing either going forward or defensively. On the other side, Stuart Armstrong was trying his best and making a fairly good fist of playing at right back but there was no one to pass to further forward so it just became a case of when we would lose the ball.

Everton didn’t really do much for the rest of the half but they didn’t have to. Tosun put a relatively simple header over the bar and Davies tried to cross from the right wing which nearly caught McCarthy out, forcing him to backpedal and shove it over the bar. They look totally comfortable defensively and if they had needed to score a second they probably could’ve gone out through the gears and done so relatively easily. Theo Walcott displayed his entire career in a couple of seconds by bursting through two players with a superb turn of pace and then shanking the ball into row Z when he was trying to cross it. The only thing that would’ve summed him up better would’ve been if he’d collapsed in a heap on the ground after the said shank and had to go off injured.

Half-time and the fans let the players know what they thought of that horrible pile of shit that I have just witnessed. Something had to change and it did with the absolutely fucking horrendous Cedric being hauled off and Boufal coming on. This meant another spin of the left back tombola with Djenepo getting the job. The effect of having Boufal on the pitch was instant though.

First off we won a free-kick on the left hand side of the penalty area, JWP rolled it to Boufal on the edge of the box and he had a shot, on target and Pickford had to save it. It was simple enough and straight at him but it was a shot and it was on target and it sparked the fans into life with chants of “we’ve had a shot“.  Suddenly on the pitch, we have a player who wants the ball.

The next time we attack, it is Djenepo’s turn to take on Schneiderlin in the right back position and win a corner. JWP’s corner is clear now as far as Boufal on our right hand side and he is faced with Schneiderlin again. Boufal absolutely pisses past him at least as if he wasn’t there, knocks across the goal and there is Danny Ings to bundle it into the net from very close range.

So we’ve just equalised and we’re on the front foot but then some horrific defending by Bednarek presents Everton with another chance and Sigurdsson, who has not yet scored his traditional goal against us, forces McCarthy to turn his rising drive over the bar.  There was a hilarious bit of defending by Armstrong when he allowed a long throw from the left hand side to bounce in front of him and over his head and Holgate, who couldn’t have been expecting it, flicked his header over the bar.

We should have a penalty after that as Mina diverted his run to totally take out Djenepo whilst he was pretending to shield the ball. Anywhere else on the pitch then that’s a free-kick but not in the penalty area of course. Djenepo won another free-kick on the left hand side this time as Sidibe just takes him out and JWP whips it in the near top corner as usual but Pickford is alive to it and save is it relatively comfortably.

So on 75 minutes we are looking like we might nick it but then the most predictable thing ever as Iwobi put Sidibe away on the right hand side, behind Djenepo who has lost his positioning and his cross to the back post fines Richarlison in acres of space, not tracked by anybody and he just volleys it first time into the net. Bednarek is looking at Armstrong and Armstrong is looking around with the “I don’t know how the fuck to play at right wingback“ look on his face.

The final few minutes tick by with fuck all happening at the end of the pitch where it needs to happen and the final whistle goes and Everton have deservedly won. They weren’t much better than us but better than us they certainly were. More organised and more positive and more in control and sure of what they were supposed to be doing.

The first half was absolute wank.  Everton must have been expecting us to come flying out but conceding after three minutes with our usual set piece zonal marking bollocks, set the tone and from an attacking point of view (you know, actually trying to get the goal that we fucking needed), the rest of the first half was a joke. I would call it walking football but I’ve seen walking football played at a faster pace then we played at. There were many times when Stephens or Vestergaard had the ball and there was absolutely nothing moving in front of them. Everyone marked, everyone just walking about, no one looking to lose a marker or break into space. What the fuck have these guys been coached during the week? No one is even playing on the half turn, all just facing the guy with the ball. Eventually the central defenders have to try and pass the ball forward to a guy who immediately gets dispossessed because he’s got a player up his arse, sometimes two players up his arse and no one is moving off him so the first time layoff is out of the question. It is absolutely bollocks.

To be honest, the second half wasn’t much better. All we had was the individual brilliance of Boufal, who for 10 minutes looked like the best player on the planet and that is how we got our goal. All we’ve got to rely an is individual brilliance and therefore, we need to flood our side with as much potential for individual brilliance as we possibly can, especially on home games, so Boufal, Ings, Djenepo and Redmond (even though he was absolutely fucking shit today) need to start every game. We have no idea whatsoever how to attack teams when they are in their defensive formation and all a team has to do to really limit the danger is to not fuck about with the ball at the back which takes out the one thing that we are occasionally good at which is pressing from the front and winning the ball higher up. This lack of idea has to come down to Ralph and those two fucking ex-goalkeeper clowns that we have masquerading as first-team coaches. What do you do to earn your money during the week Kelvin and Dave?

Ralph threw us all another complete curveball today with Stuart Armstrong at right wing-back and Cedric on the left. In a week where Cedric has basically announced that he is leaving the club, why the fuck was he selected? Cedric gave a perfect example of not giving a fuck and doing as little as possible whilst trying not to look like he wasn’t doing as little as possible. Half arsed pressing in the Everton half getting nowhere near the player or the ball and then when it was inevitably played round him, he jogged back behind the play and just didn’t get involved at all. Useless fucking wanker. Had a bit of a renaissance and scored a goal at Fratton Park against a shit Pompey side so probably thinks he’s done enough now to catch the eye of some super club or another. Hopefully he fucks off out on loan again in January for another one of those ‘successful’ spells where the fans of the club he joins think he’s an absolute waste of fucking space. If you say you are leaving but that you’re going to give your all for the rest of the season then if you actually do that, most fans will say that’s fair enough as after all, it’s your career and you can do what you like with it. However, if the very next game you turn up and play like you really don’t give a shit and then any positivity towards you is going to be in very short supply.

Djenepo wasn’t great as cover for Cedric at left wing back (and why would he be because he’s a fucking winger after all), but he wasn’t as bad as our European champion And at least he fucking tried. Armstrong put in a decent shift over on the right hand side and proved to be better at it than JWP has ever proved to be even though he did get completely caught out, losing Richarlison for the second goal. Defensively, I thought Stephens and Vestergaard at least tried to do the right things and both tried to be positive within their own limitations. Bednarek had a complete shithouse of a game with every header disappearing off his head and going backwards. The midfield pairing of Romeu and JWP was as fucking grim as you’d expect it to be to be and up front, Redmond had probably his most anonymous game in the Saints shirt but Danny Ings again showed what a class act he is and deservedly picked up another goal. He is one of the few that I will miss when we inevitably find ourselves in the Championship next season.

Maybe I Should Just keep It Simple

It has reached the stage now where Ralph has to go back to basics and accept that the majority of these players are not capable of playing out of position and they are not capable of switching things around during a game. Pick a best 11 and stick to it as much as possible. It will probably not be good enough but at least the players will know exactly what they should be doing. Me personally, after what I have witnessed this season, I would go with Bertrand and Valery as the fullbacks, Stephens and either Danso or Bednarek at centre back. Hojbjerg and either Romeu or JWP in midfield, with Djenepo, Boufal and Redmond playing behind Ings. A lot of these players have major flaws in their game but they are what we have got.

I’m a big advocate of doing something different when things are going wrong but Ralph tries to do something different and odd every single game and I’m sure the players are sat in the changing room now, wondering what batshit mental approach he’s going to come up with next. He will be losing the players. When he read the team out for today, I guarantee that some of the others would have been shooting glances at Armstrong when he found out he was gonna be playing at right back and laughing to themselves. Just keep it simple. Full-back is a specialist position and you cannot think that just anyone can play there, be they a winger or an attacking midfield player. This is certainly the case with us with our centre backs being not the best.  Look at the second goal – Djenepo caught out by Iwobi’s pass to Sidibe and Armstrong losing his man on the other side.  Ralph is beginning to lose the fans now as well because up till now, most have been prepared to blame the shit players but with every mental team selection that goes by, more and more will be pointing the finger at the manager and you can’t really blame them.

Ralph will be hoping that the club find some money to buy some players in January but the way things are going, Ralph won’t be here in January and we will be so far behind anyway, that the club will be preparing financially for the Championship.

Everton aren’t even that good but they were fucking miles better than us. It’s amazing how good a team can look when they’re playing against a team who decides to play walking football for 45 minutes. They looked more like a team and they totally deserved their win. They won’t be going down but we will. As it stands, it will be us and Norwich fighting out the last place and one other who will go down. Mr Gao will soon enough realise that if you buy something and then don’t actually invest, The thing that you have bought will eventually grind to a halt or start going backwards and eventually, be worth a hell of a lot less money than you paid for it.,

As I write I’ve just watched Leicester dismantle Arsenal by 2-0. It was a really enjoyable game, watching the alleged big club getting battered by the smaller one. Leicester are the perfect example of a club of similar size to us, who at the moment are working with a perfect balance. They have balance on the pitch and off the pitch they are perfectly set up with a manager who is decent, knows his best team and players strengths and who has the full backing of the board who are not afraid to put their hands in their pockets. We on the other hand, are completely fucked from top to bottom.

Next up – international break – thank fuck.

Premier League Match 11 - Manchester City 2 Southampton 1

Maybe Ederson Should Have Used His Feet if He's So Good At It

What do you know… Manchester City again, at the Etihad again, this time in the Premier League. The question for most pundits leading up to this game is simply, will Saints get absolutely trashed or will they keep it tight and lose narrowly. There doesn’t seem to be many of the opinion that we will get anything positive out of this game. Last year we came here under Mark Hughes and he changed the formation to match up against Manchester City’s 4-3-3 and surprise surprise, they were slightly better replying it than we were and we got completely dicked by 6-1…. But this was back in the days when 6-1 was classed as a dicking.  We have of course set new standards when in comes to what represents a dicking.

Having rested a few in the Carabao Cup during the week, we can expect Ralph to strengthen the team somewhat with the inclusion of Nathan Redmond and Danny Ings. No disrespect to those two players but it’s quite amusing when you put them up against the players that Pep will bring into the side to freshen them up, namely Ederson, Raheem Sterling, Kevin De Bruyne and David Silva.

The things I’m looking for in Ralph’s team selection are of course the inclusion of Alex McCarthy in goal and Kevin Danso playing at centre back. I’d also like to see JWP left out but with Pierre Hojbjerg likely to being deployed at left back, this seems very unlikely.  Tactically I’m not expecting anything different to what we saw on Tuesday night. It’ll be five at the back and keeping things tight and not committing many bodies forward until the hour mark even if we go behind. Watch us blitz them off the pitch now. Ha ha fucking hah.

Team news and oh Christ… Vestergaard is playing.  Just what you want against quick, nimble footed strikers.  I don’t get it… especially as Danso was decent on Tuesday.  Being decent as Tuesday has finally earned Alex McCarthy a start in the league and I wouldn’t be surprised if there was at least a part of Angus Gunn that was quite pleased to be dropped for this one. Unsurprisingly, Jack Stephens gets another go and the rest of the team is as expected with Ings and Redmond coming in for Boufal and Long.  City have all the big guns playing, the four I mentioned earlier plus the likes of Aguero, Stones, Gundogan & Fernandinho.

As with Tuesday we manage to make it to the 10 minute mark without letting a goal in which is a bonus and then something really fucking weird happens. Romeu puts Redmond away on the right hand side and he gets deep into the City penalty area on the right before pulling the ball back to Armstrong who has burst forward from midfield which is most unlike a Saints midfield player.  He then does what Saints midfielders never do and hits it first time and Ederson, chosen by Pep to be his number one goalkeeper because he is good with his feet, proves that he is not so good with his hands and pushes the ball out and JWP has followed it in, unlike any Saints midfielders usually does and the rams it into the roof of the net for 1-0. Fuck me, this is just gonna make them angry isn’t it?

There’s not really much to talk about in terms of individual incidents in the first half other than the fact that we defended very deep and very well and they don’t manage a single shot on target at McCarthy despite having about 99% possession. Every time they shoot from the edge of the box, if it’s on target then one of the players gets a block in. Every time they get down the wings and cross the ball, Vestergaard, Stephens or Bednarek heads it away or McCarthy catches it. It’s simple and it must be frustrating as fuck for Manchester City but it is very very effective and we reach half-time still a goal to the good.

The second-half starts in much the same fashion, only with added shithousing at every opportunity, taking ages over throw-ins and McCarthy doing that thing that all goalkeepers like to do which is to catch the ball and then dive forward with it, having already caught it when stood up. It’s the sort of thing that would drive us absolutely mental if another team was doing it when we were behind. Even the bench are getting in on the act and not giving the ball back very quickly when it ends up in among the Saints coaching staff.   Pep is going mental as he does and the technical area obviously doesn’t apply to him as he is running up and down the line chastising the ball-boys and getting the ball back into play as quickly as possible. I can totally get where he’s coming from but at the end of the day he supposed to be in his fucking technical area and Lee Mason and the fourth official are supposed to be policing that but they seem quite happy to let him get away with whatever he wants.

On about 65 minutes, a cross comes over from the left and Aguero is totally free in the middle of the penalty area despite us having about 10 players back there but he puts his header well over the bar. Is it time to start believing when Aguero, who has about 100 career goals against Southampton, misses a chance like that? The answer is “of course it fucking isn’t“.

The ball gets played out to Kyle Walker on the right hand side and he takes a shit touch which seems to unsettle all the defenders. Walker, more by luck than judgement I reckon, drills the ball across low and there is Aguero, who has managed to find himself a yard in amongst eight Southampton defenders and he dispatches it from close range past McCarthy to level things up with 20 minutes to go. Fuck it. To be honest, we were never going to hold out but fuck it anyway.

Having found a way to score, City go for it again with Sterling tricking his way to the same point that Walker crossed from. He pulls it back and the ball finds its way to Bernardo Silva who smashes it from the centre of the penalty area but McCarthy pulled off a decent reaction save to knock it over the bar.

From the resulting corner, Saints clear it and are breaking with numbers but fat bald twat Lee Mason, gets in the fucking way. We get the ball back from it from the drop ball but City very sportingly chase down the pass back to McCarthy who has a bit of a brain fart and picks it up.  Free kick about 10 yards out and I am 100% convinced that this is going to end up in the net. It gets rolled back to De Bruyne who thankfully drills is it a foot wide of the far post. If you want an example of the commitment being shown by Saints today then watch this free kick back as about eight players throw themselves at the ball.

Five minutes to go and more City pressure and Angelino slings in across from the left-wing and McCarthy comes out and has a bit of a flap at it and Kyle Walker manages to volley it into the net. Fucks sake. 2-1.

Ralph sends Adams on for Bednarek but our main hope is Djenepo who cam on earlier for Ings.  Every time he gets the ball he manages to wave past two or three players but we can’t fashion another decent chance. Pep is still acting like a fucking dickhead from within his technical area this time and miming to throw the ball away.

Because we’re throwing men forward now, we are wide open to a quick break only Lee Mason doesn’t get in the way of their break.  Sterling managed to show an amazing level of brainlessness by not passing the ball to Jesus and eventually getting tackled by JWP, the one Saints defender who was made it back. The next break sees De Bruyne carry it forward and he does decide to pass it to Jesus and maybe proves why Sterling didn’t pass to him earlier as Jesus shoots but McCarthy makes himself big to pull off a great save.

Fuck. You have to say that that was a magnificent defensive performance full of heart and guts and all the things we did not do last week. It was however undermined by two mistakes with no one taking charge to pick up Aguero from the first goal and McCarthy, unfortunately blotting an excellent couple of games by flapping at a cross for Walker’s goal.

After all my moaning about Vestergaard, he was superb today because we defended so deep the he didn't have to run - just head everything and get in the way and he was excellent.  There was one headed clearance from a corner that reached the half way line.  I grimaced at the thought Vestergaard and Stephens in defence but the pair of them were superb today, ably supported by Bednarek. Hojbjerg and Valery had great games in the full back positions, particularly Pierre who played for most of the game on a yellow card. There was ridiculous hard work from the midfield three and Redmond and Ings must’ve run more without the ball than they ever have in their careers. Another major plus was the form of Djenepo when he came on, gliding past three or four players at pace whenever he got the ball. It certainly is going to make next week’s team selection interesting because Ralph really has to try to find a place for him.

There’s no doubt that Pep Guardiola is a brilliant manager and he is a breath of fresh air for the way the game should be played but when he stressed and things are not going all his own way, he is a fucking nightmare. Remember the last time we ran them close - the Nathan Redmond incident.  Today's referee Lee Mason allowed him to get away with being constantly outside his technical area but what do you expect when you play one of the big boys away from home. Also, Kyle Walker, you can go and fuck yourself mate.  His interview after the game was a classic case of top six bollocks where he just moaned about Saints defending all the game.  Fuck right off, if you could defend in a disciplined way, you still be in the England side you absolute twat.  A few facts for you. City’s starting 11 today cost £400 million in transfer fees and would be worth considerably more than that in today’s transfer market. Saints starting 11 cost £83 million, so roughly a fifth of theirs. 10 players in City’s starting line-up cost more than our record buy, of which 5 cost more than double our record. So Kyle, we are not really going to compete on the same level are we, you prick. It’s like these entitled wankers expect everybody to just roll over and make it easy for them.  To quote a line in a Pearl Jam song…. The Have’s Have Not a Clue.

It was very disappointing to lose in the end but you could absolutely see it coming from about the hour mark onwards. For those saying that we should’ve gone for it more, it was notable that when we did go for it after we went 2-1 behind, that every time we lost the ball, City engineered a three versus two break and only good fortune, poor decision-making and excellent goalkeeping stopped us letting in another one. Teams like us cannot afford to commit to many bodies forward against a team like City, no matter what dickheads like Kyle Walker would like us to do.

It does annoy me the way the media keep saying things like “that’s what champions do“ and all that sort of stuff. Look at the money their squad cost compare to ours. We did incredibly well to get anywhere fucking near them and that’s before you consider the backdrop of getting stuffed 9-0 in our last game

So, well done Ralph and the boys.  A bit of pride restored and now we have a new challenge which is to actually win a home game next week against Everton. We have four or five games now where we have to pick up some points otherwise we really are going to be down amongst the dead man. It starts now.

Carabao Cup 4th Round - Manchester City 3 Southampton 1

Saints Goalkeeper in 'Making Himself Big' Shocker

I am about as enthusiastic for this game as I was when entering the dentists surgery knowing I was going to have a fucking great tooth pulled out of my head. Can I have something to anaesthetise the pain? Oh yes, our reward for smashing the Skates 4-0, is an away trip to Manchester City who have won the League Cup in four years out of the last six. They always rest a lot of players in the early rounds but their reserve players are so good that they can do this virtually all the way to the final.

In the event, Pep put out a few I haven’t heard of but the forward line is Aguero, Gabriel Jesus, Bernardo Silva and Mahrez. Bloody hell. Ralph plays mix-and-match but it’s mainly experienced players in the line-up today. McCarthy is in goal and from the other 10 players on the list it looks like Danso is going to be put at left back again. Jake Vokins has made it as far as the bench and there are places in the team for Jack Stephens, Stuart Armstrong and Shane Long but there is no sign of Cedric or Moussa Djenepo again.

As the game starts it becomes obvious that we are in a 5-4-1 formation with Hojbjerg stuck out at left back and a central defensive three of Danso, Stephens and Bednarek. As City take predictable possession of the ball we are basically playing 8-2-0 with Boufal and Long not touching the ball up front and Armstrong and JWP not getting in touch in midfield. The only midfielder making a mark is Romeo but this is by clattering players which is a marked improvement from Friday night at least.

City need to score a goal every 10 minutes to keep up with Leicester’s rate on Friday and it is with some relief that we reach 10 minutes without having letting a goal. Progress. McCarthy has been busy though making comfortable saves to deny Mahrez and Angelino. Also showing up well is Danso who shows a level of determination not often seen from our defenders to make sure he gets to the ball 1st to deny Aguero when he was second favourite to win it until the last moment.

Angelino fires in a shot that produces another good stop from McCarthy but City work the resulting corner short and the cross comes in from our right and Otomendi gets airborne as opposed to Bednarek who doesn’t and easily nods it past McCarthy for 1-0.

The pattern of the game doesn’t charge at all for another 10 minutes and City sweep forward on the left hand side and work it all the way out to Bernardo Silva on the right. His low cross is met by the unbelievably unmarked Sergio Aguero about 6 yards out and he really isn’t going to miss that. Jack Stephens was marking him and then for reasons unknown decided to go where he thought the ball was going to go rather than stay with the man. If the ball had gone to where Stephens had run then McCarthy would’ve just picked it up. Fucking dreadful and 2-0.

The encouraging thing is that we don’t fall to bits butMcCarthy is called on again to make a decent save from Bernardo.  Half-time and we have barely had a touch in their half but it’s a sign of how bad we have been recently that I am quite happy with only being 2-0 down.

I was hoping we come out with more attacking intent in the second half but before we could do that, we give the ball away in midfield and Aguero knocked it inside to Foden who produced a lovely reverse pass to put Bernardo Silva through but McCarthy came flying out, making himself as big as possible to put off an excellent block. Who would believe that making use of big rather than collapsing into yourself would be the way to go?

It didn’t keep them out for long though as Bernardo weaved his way past our makeshift left back before knocking it in field to Mahrez. Mahrez is never shy of having a shot and his effort hit Bednarek and looped up into the air and only one person in the penalty area was going to react quicker than everybody else and that was Aguero who got in between Stephens and McCarthy to knock into the net.

The question was now, would we give up or would we keep on fighting and the answer was partially given by Bednarek as he threw himself in front of a Mahrez shot from point blank range, which looked for all the world like it was going to be going in.

And then… hang the flags out… we had a shot. Shane Long flicked along ball on to Boufal in the inside right position and he dribbled past two or three before attempting to curl a left foot shot into the far corner but Claudio Bravo got down to push it just past the post. Regardless, we have had a shot.

Boufal’s reward for having a shot was to get substituted and replaced by Che Adams. He is accompanied of the pitch by Shane along with Nathan Redmond coming on.

Hang on, suddenly it’s raining efforts on goal from us as Stephens connects with a JWP corner on the volley. I’m going to claim it as a shot even though it was going wide and Claudio Bravo had no need to save it.

They are shitting it now with Pep regretting leaving out all his good players. Again we win a corner on the right hand side and JWP swings over and there at the back post to bullet header into the roof of the net… Jack Stephens. You really couldn’t make it up. Good header, shit marking but we have all of those goal things the other teams get lots of.

Air Jack

Any ridiculous idea that anyone might have of us making it interesting is never really going to come to fruition as City comfortably play out the last 10 minutes with no alarms at all. There is a feeling that everyone got what they wanted out of this game. Pep got to play a few of his fringe players and got through to the next round and Ralph avoided us getting fucking hammered.

I don’t have a problem with how we approached the game though I know many will. You have to take it in the context of having just got fucking annihilated 9-0. We actually played it how we should have played the Leicester game once Bertie had been sent off. Keep it as tight as possible, stay in the game and then gave a little go in the 2nd half. The Game plan went wrong today when we conceded the 3rd but up until that point we were still in it. I also have no problem with being out of the cup because I was feel that being near the bottom of the league kind of takes away your ability to take cup competitions too seriously. We were always going to get beat tonight, whatever team we put out and that might be defeatist but it’s a fact of life when you’re playing any Manchester City XI in 2019. I have to say that though there were mistakes in defence in particular, at least they were honest mistakes through not being good enough, or not being as good as the City players. No one can be accused today, of not trying.

There were some positives in the team today. Surprise, surprise - McCarthy was excellent which means that the two best goalkeeping performances from a Saints goalkeeper this season have been McCarthy at Portsmouth and McCarthy at Manchester City. There was one slightly wobbly moment earlier on when he punched the ball against Bednarek But other than that he was absolutely flawless and if he doesn’t start in the Premier League from here on in then I will seriously be questioning whether Ralph has taken leave of his senses.

There was more encouragement in the performance of Kevin Danso who finally got to play a whole game in the centre of defence and in the main, he did very well, remaining focused and alert the whole game and using his strength and size to good affect in exactly the same way that Vestergaard doesn’t. Having had a tough time of it recently, it was good to see you and Valery looking like a decent full back again. He gets caught out occasionally when he gets drawn towards the ball and loses the man behind him but usually he is getting drawn towards the ball because he is getting absolutely no help from whoever is playing in front of him. You have to give full marks to the skipper as well it was completely out of position at left-wing back but he certainly made a better job of it than others have done this season. It wouldn’t surprise me if he stays there until Bertrand is back from suspension.

Jack Stephens popped up with a goal, a thumping header and no less and proved that defensively he is no worse than Yoshida and Vestergaard and will probably stay in the team though Danso and Bednarek look like a pairing in the making if we go with four at the back, as predicted last week.

Ralph was happier despite the defeat as you would be, seeing how we lost by a margin of seven goals less. He knows that the upcoming league game back here is a free hit and he will be pleased that we put in something resembling a decent performance.  It really is about baby steps as there is no way you are going to get hunped 9-0 and then come away to Manchester City and play expansive football.

Talking of the weekend, it is comforting to know that Manchester City will be bringing back David Silva, Raheem Sterling and Kevin De Bruyne who will be all fully rested and ready to go.  I can see the game being played along exactly the same tactical lines as tonight’s was. We don’t have much chance of getting a result of course and I think most will be happy if we put in another battling performance regardless of the result.

So we exit the Carabao Cup As we have done every season at some point. This season though, there is the added bonus that the campaign will be remembered. We might be out of the cup and we might be shit and we might have lost 9-0 a few days ago but at least in the Carabao Cup, we went to Fratton Park and fucking hammered them.