Carabao Cup 2nd Round - Fulham 0 Southampton 1

Obafemi Scores and Then His Leg Falls Off

Fulham in the ‘What the fuck is it called this year’ Cup. When the draw was made, there was a chance of getting any southern based teams in this round, including potential away trips to grounds that we’ve never been to before and even the chance of playing them from down the road ... and we got Fulham away, I think the overriding word was “boring”.

Ralph made the right noises at the Brighton game about wanting to take the cup seriously but you know that it’s going to be mix-and-match at best with several of our squad players likely to be given a run out. It will be interesting to see just how far he goes with this. Will he just pick the ones that are on the bench regularly or will he delve deep into the list of players that we don’t actually want any more like Elyounoussi and Mario Lemina whose appearances this year have been restricted solely to Instagram.  For what it’s worth, I feel we should absolutely take it seriously.

Slightly disturbingly, it was another one of those slightly George Burley-esque team selections where we couldn’t work from the list of names who was playing where. The three definite defenders were Cedric, Danso and Bednarek but after that it was a bit of a lottery. I assumed that Cedric would be on the left and JWP on the right but in the event, Hojbjerg of all people was deployed at left back. With both Boufal and Djenepo in the starting line-up on the wings and Redmond and Obafemi up front, there was going to be a big workload for Romeu and JWP in the middle. Alex McCarthy, our best goalkeeper in my opinion, was chosen to start following Fraser Forster‘s return to Celtic on-loan.

The first half was… exactly the same as the first half against Brighton in that it was completely shit, though it was lacking the ninja drop kick red card tackle. Fulham had fielded about 8 reserve players so they were equally as disjointed as we were. The only real chance was a free-kick from the left which McCarthy did well to tip onto the bar at the top corner and then recovered quickly enough to push a subsequent header over the bar. We did fuck all going forward. It’s hard to get excited about winning a couple of good throw-ins.. One positive was that both Boufal and Djenepo were working very hard when we didn’t have the ball, which was about 70% of the time.

For the second successive game it was the same players but a different team that emerged for the second half. It was almost like we stepped 10 yards up the pitch and got in their faces and the Fulham youngsters just couldn’t handle it.

Fulham started knocking the ball about at the back and got into trouble and an eventual shite clearance from the left back was intercepted by Romeu on the edge of the box but he is the one player who you would not want to get the ball in that situation… I mean there are a few of them but possibly the worst one to get the ball in that situation.  On goes Romeu .... drills it straight of the goalkeeper instead of putting it in the big wide open net thing.

No matter though as our best midfielder picks up the ball at left back and puts Redmond away down the left and he lines up the defender in much the same way that Boufal did against Brighton and drills it across to where Michael Obafemi knocks into the empty net from a yard out.  We’re going to fucking Wembley I can feel it

Once we have taken the lead then Bednarek was hauled off and Yoshida took his place. It would have been nice to have brought on Wesley Hoedt as Fulham is the ground where he fucked up so badly that Hughes got sacked and Hoedt himself got binned.  There was another like-for-like swap a few minutes later as Ings replaced Obafemi who had collapsed again in much the same way as he always collapses every time he reaches top speed. I mean this may just be a cramp but as I said the last time this happened, there is no point in being quick if every time you reach full speed your hamstrings turn to cheese.

By now is was looking like a case of how many goals we can score as Hojbjerg drove forward from left back, finding Redmond who shot was not fantastic and easily saved but more worryingly, he collapsed in a heap and had to be replaced with Shane Long.

Our new strike partnership combine straight away with Long flicking the ball on and Ings finding himself through on goal on the right hand side. He chopped back inside the last defender and with the whole goal to aim at, managed to hit the goalkeeper in much the same way that Romeu had done earlier. We are determined not to put this game to bed.

Fulham are still trying to play the ball out of defence without being remotely good enough to do so and le Marchard, who I can’t believe they haven’t got rid of, gives the ball straight to Ings on the edge of the box and Danny once again closes in on the goalkeeper and kicks it straight at him to win a corner. If this Cup has introduced a rule where four corners equals a goal then this would be great but as it stands, in the rules for the What the Fuck is it Called this Year Cup, it’s just a fucking corner.

Once again the high-press works as Fulham show great levels of cluelessness and Romeo this time nicks the ball, knocks it to Ings who shows great presence of mind after his shot his blocked to knock it to Shane Long and that’s all you need to know.  Luckily there were a few fans behind that goal so some poor ball-boy didn’t have to scramble among the empty seats like in other parts of the ground in order to get the ball back.

Luckily, none of this profligacy was costly as Fulham barely got in our half of the pitch in the second half so we progress to the third round, Job done and once again, the end justifies the means.

For this match - Garbage first half, better second-half, scored, wasted a few chances, . Redmond’s injury is a worry as when players collapse when there is no one near them then it is always a little bit worrying and hopefully he will only miss a couple of weeks at worst.  Ralph will have learned quite a lot from this game with a centre back partnership of Danso and Bednarek looking decent and Cedric having a fairly solid game right back.

JWP was incredibly light-weight in midfield despite trying Ralph clearly having a word with him after his non-tackling effort against Brighton.  Sure, he put some tackles in but looked like he was trying to get sent off in the first half. Both Boufal and Djenepo carried on their hard work on the wings and Boufal in particular was lucky to escape injury after a very cynical scythe down by Fulham player which was 100% deliberate and nowhere near the ball. From me, that has to be a red card but the ref bottled it.

Job done. Onto the next round and onto Manchester United at home on Saturday. The injury to Redmond is a bit of a bastard but in Djenepo and Boufal, we have players ready to step in and replace the direct running and unpredictability the Redmond brings so it’s not all bad news.  Personally I think it’ll be a 5-3-2 formation on Saturday so it’ll be two of Ings, Adams , Boufal and Djenepo up front.  Bring it on.

Premier League Match 3 - Brighton 0 Southampton 2

And a Terrace Chant is Recycled (sort of)

A trip to the Amex Stadium set in the South Downs near Falmer which is a place that has been very good to us nearly every time we have visited in the past. When we came here and won 1-0 last season it was a game that majorly set us on the way to surviving in the Premier League and it turned out that Brighton with much more under threat of getting relegated then we were but they survived despite not scoring any goals and made the correct decision to sack nice guy Chris Hughton.

The appointment of ex-Saint Graham Potter is an interesting one but a manager who has worked his way from the Swedish fourth division to the Championship and into the Premier League has to be respected. He isn’t going to be able to work miracles and suddenly turn Brighton into a comfortable mid-table side but I expect them at least to have a little more attacking threat that they had for the whole of last season.  Potter came to Saints as one of a long line of players who was going to take Francis Benali's place at left back and never managed it.  He was ok without ever being first-team regular material.

For my sins I had driven to the game and parked at Brighton Racecourse and I was talking to a few Brighton fans on the park-and-ride bus on the way to the ground and they seemed very optimistic about the season ahead, almost overly optimistic it seems. Time will tell I guess. We had a quick wander around the outside of the ground before refusing to pay £7.50 for a bacon burger. Fucking delusions of grandeur London-by-the-Sea. Fuck off.

Whilst our performance against Liverpool was better than the one against Burnley, it still yielded zero points so there is pressure on this game to get a result first of foremost, especially with Manchester United at home being our next game. The team news filtered through and it was kind of odd. There was a debut for Kevin Danso but when you looked down the team sheet there was no left back with neither Bertrand or Vokins. Cedric, who has been known to play left back in the past was on the bench so we initially didn’t have a clue as to what formation we were going to play but then the news came through but it was the 4-2-2-2 formation (same as last year here) with Danso slotting in at left back. Hmmm... Can’t see him flying up the wing and putting over a cross with his left foot somehow.   Bertrand apparently had an ankle knock and Yoshida had been left out to accommodate Danny Ings who was back in the side to partner Che Adams upfront.

Potter is obviously trying to evolve Brighton as Glenn Murray, all 47 years of him was not in the starting line-up. Up front they had Andone and Maupay, the later being a new and relatively expensive signing. They appear to be playing with three central defenders as joining the usual arsehole combination of Dunk and Duffy was Dan Burn who is similar in size and speed to Jannick Vestergaard.

We start off relatively well and create the first opening but Ings fails to pull the trigger from the edge of the box and eventually gets crowded out. After about 10 minutes or so. the problems that we have with our line-up today first become apparent. Danso has started really solidly at left back as you would expect but he is totally right footed so that stifles any attacking play down the left hand side because all he does when he’s not clearing it is pass it inside to Vestergaard who then feeds into Romeu, back to bednarek and repeat and we don’t actually go anywhere with any pace. On the right hand side, JWP has started poorly and he’s not really attacking with any intensity nor helping Valery out with any defending.

Brighton eventually come into it and Montoya should do better with a header from the penalty spot after there’s been an overload on Valery down his side and the cross finds the Brighton full-back totally unmarked – the Southampton Way. Half an hour in and Brighton are now looking the better side but this is not because of anything specifically good that they are doing, it’s because we are dreadful and continually giving the ball away. A lot of the problem is caused by a lack of movement by the front players. I had to specifically look to make sure that Che Adams was actually on the pitch.

The game changed on the half an hour mark with the first real challenge of the game and it was a fucking ridiculous one. Andone just flew in on Valery and stamped down somewhere up near his knee. Kevin Friend who is not my favourite referee saw it clear as day and off you go pal. What a fucking idiot. It’s worth pointing out at this point that despite the assault, Andone was applauded off by many Brighton fans and received a handshake and I consoling pat from his manager as he fucked off down the tunnel.

Potter consoles his striker after he tried to break someone's leg

Mercifully, having been on the end of a potential career ending challenge, Valery is ok and carries on with the boos of Brighton fans ringing in his ears. What a bunch of clueless cunts.   However, far from tilting the game in our favour, the fact that we have a man advantage makes us go to shit and Brighton look the far more likely to score culminating in a corner being headed home by Lewis Dunk but a Brighton player on the goal line has clearly impeded Angus Gunn and/or is miles offside.  I find it unbelievable that the linesman cannot give this decision without referring it to VAR but upstairs we go. I’m looking at the big screen at the opposite end of the ground and for some reason, I am expecting to see pictures of the actual incident but of course they are reserved purely for the television audience and so those who have paid money to be in the ground get to see absolutely fuck all aside from a dark blue screen with the words ‘checking goal’ written on it. No one seems particularly stressed waiting for the outcome but as it goes on to about 30 seconds, you do begin to wonder that it isn’t as clear cut as you think it is. Eventually the foul on the goalkeeper or the offside is given but we have no fucking idea why the goal has been disallowed really as it is not communicated to anyone inside the stadium.  It happened right in front of us and we have no idea so Brighton fans up the other end will be totally in the dark

The first we knew about it. (Note: nice to see that Brighton already awarded the goal!)

Just before half-time, Redders picks up the ball on the left in midfield and set off with intent towards the Brighton penalty area, skipping past couple of challenges, getting to the edge of the box and firing in a decent effort that Ryan saves comfortably. More of that please and not this pedestrian tippy tappy bollocks that goes nowhere.

Half time and to be honest, we have been fucking dreadful. Danso has been solid enough at left back but of course offers nothing going forward and the passing between the lines is painfully predictable and slow. JWP is having an absolute shocker over on the right wing and since the red card, Brighton have the 6 foot 6 inch immobile Burn playing as an orthodox left back so surely we need to get someone with a bit of pace down that wing to run at him. Has Che Adams actually been on the pitch? He has probably had about two touches of the ball in that half of the worrying thing for me is that him and Ings, who has been the better of the two, are making me think that it’s like having two Charlie Austin’s is out there.  One can only hope that the extra man will tell in the second half.

No subs at half-time so nothing changes for the first 10 minutes before Ralph decides he has had enough but when the substitution comes, it’s a bit of a strange one with Valery being hooked, JWP dropping back on the right and Moussa Djenepo taking up station on the left. It’s kind of hard to tell but it looks like we have gone to a kind of 4-3-3 with Djenepo in midfield with Hojbjerg and Romeu and Ings, Adams and Redmond up front. Whatever the formation is, it doesn’t matter as Ings picks up the ball on the right and switches it quickly (that’s the key word) out to Djenepo on the left. The new man only has one thing in mind and sets off directly towards goal before from 25 yards, curling a fantastic effort into the far top corner giving Ryan absolutely no chance at all. Mental in the away end. Absolutely fucking brilliant goal.

For the next five minutes, the Seven Nation Army refrain is belted out with ‘Whoa Moussa Djenepo’ for everyone apart from the annihilated bloke in front of me who has his own version for Moussa Gazeppo.  That’s gonna wear a bit thin by the end.  We nearly put the game to bed straight after that as a ball drops to Adams from a corner but his point blank is well blocked. The game passes by without too much more goalmouth action there are more substitutions with Locadia and fucking Glenn Murray coming on from Brighton and Boufal and Armstrong replacing Adams and Ings who have been better in the second half.  There is major ‘shit your pants’ moment as a corner is flicked on and Locadia, finds himself free just to the left of the goal.  Gunn flies out in a big star-shape and Locadia can only smack it against the outside of the post, showing exactly why Brighton shouldn’t have paid all that money for him.

Djenepo saw another shot blocked from the edge of the box and Redmond drilled an effort just wide and it’s all groans as Armstrong wastes a glorious chance to put the game to bed when he’s played through by Redmond but he managed to hit Ryan as he came out.  We do recycle the ball though and eventually it came down to the guy with more ability than anyone else as Boufal lined up Montoya on our left and a quick drop the shoulder gave him half a yard before firing a ball across the goal for Redmond to come in at the back post and knock it into an empty net. Another superbly crafted goal. Give me those 3 points - Get in.

We have a further chance to really rub it in and make it 3-0 right at the end when Boufal goes on a mazy towards the box and arch tosser Lewis Dunk just launches him over. In front of a celebratory away and, JWP completed his very poor match by curling the free-kick miles over the bar and taking out a celebrating fan. No one cared.

Oh what fun it is to see Southampton win away as the song goes. Talking of songs, Moussa Djenepo / Gazeppo is being serenaded and Ralph went through his full celebration repertoire and we left the ground to mingle with lots of Brighton fans who weren’t suddenly as optimistic as they had been on the way in.

First things first – we won so the end justifies the means. It has to be said though that we were absolute shit in the first half and showed a bit of an inability to think on our feet once the sending-off occurred.  Post-half time chat, the second half was much better but it took the introduction of the substitutes to give our attack a little bit more spark. Ings and Adams were pretty dreadful in the first half but both are better in the second and Ings in particular had a really good half hour or so before he was substituted, setting up the first goal superbly. We are going to have some fun this season and hopefully Ralph can find a way of getting Djenepo, Boufal and Redmond in the same team.  In a 4-2-2-2 it means that one of Adams and Ings can’t start and probably JWP as well.

Djenepo looks like a proper player as he has the pace and flair going forward but he’s also not shy of putting in a defensive shift and Boufal in his cameo showed just how good he can be when he picks the ball up in the right areas and it certainly leaves you wanting more.  As usual, the media appears to have gone into hyperbole mode and Moussa is now the new Sadio Mane because he's playing for Southampton, is African and has scored a goal.

Danso was very very solid in defence but obviously playing in the wrong position and I don’t know who Ralph is trying to kid when he says that Danso was going to play there anyway even if Bertrand wasn’t injured. I’m not having that for a second. It did limit our options going forward but maybe today, against what is still a very limited Brighton team, packing the team with tall strong players was the way to go.

As for Brighton, well they are better than they were last season and at least will show a little more attacking intent than they ever did with Hughton. They are still not very good though and they’re opening day win at Watford has been put into context by the fact that Watford have lost every game so far. Having 10 men certainly affected them but they still have very very little upfront and I would predict them certainly being in the bottom six at the end of the season.

Special mention for Kevin Friend who today - was not a twat.  He saw the red card tackle and sent him off and basically, wasn't a twat.  Yep, Kevin Friend had a day off from being a twat.  Well done Kevin.

The win for us means we can come out swinging against Manchester United next week. It’s not like playing Liverpool or Manchester City where you basically have no chance as United have huge weaknesses in their side and of course, lost at home to Palace today. United are still obviously a huge club and if there’s any favourable refereeing decisions to be made to then you know that they will get them but if our players can step up to the mark then there is absolutely no way that Solskjaer will out-manage Ralph, so we should going to that game with some optimism. Bring it on. The season has just started.

Premier League Match 2 - Southampton 1 Liverpool 2

One Who's Done Well Since Leaving and One Who Hasn't.

Having declared a personal war with words against Liverpool last season, I kind of thought the once they won the Champions League and I therefore lost the war, that I wouldn’t be that bothered any more.. Unfortunately, it has just made it worse because all the things that are fucking dreadful about them have just got worse. The great media hand job is carrying on at an increased pace as has their fans unbearable belief that they are the best team ever and are somehow more important than everyone else. Then we have the ‘Scouse not English’ booing of the national anthem bollocks, which they did in the Community Shield against Manchester City, which happily they lost.  The one thing that we all have left to cling to is that the Premier League champions are the best team in England and it is 30 years since Liverpool last won it.

Since we last played them they have won the aforementioned Champions League and a couple of nights ago they won the European Super Cup, beating Chelsea on penalties. Okay, fine. Then we get the little film from the dressing room and Virgil van Dijk throwing gangster poses around the trophy and looking like a fucking twat. They just can’t help themselves. Actually winning a trophy has not made Klopp any different as he is still a hypocritical twat, moaning about other teams spending money when his team has been assembled for the amount of money that could support a small country for a year. Does he not know that all his old interviews and his record in the transfer market is all part of public record? For fuck’s sake.

So, newsflash, Juergen Klopp is a wanker. A fucking huge hypocritical wanker. He is so fucking annoying. He’s one of those fuckers like Harry Redknapp and Terry Venables who I really want to hate I think that he is a massive bell end but at the end of the day, they’ve all got quite engaging personalities so sometimes you do find yourself actually liking them and then you have to pull yourself back and remember that they are wankers.

What can be said that hasn’t been said already? Quite a lot actually but with different insults but I’m a serious writer now and I’ve been on Podcasts and YouTube and everything so it would be very childish of me to resort to name-calling. Wankers.

So it’s basically the same Liverpool side as last year which includes all those players that didn’t cost any money. They do have a new player as they signed for my West Ham goalkeeper Adrian on a free transfer as cover for Allison who promptly got injured in the first game of the season so Adrian will be in goal today.  I hear that due to rotation and the European game on Wednesday that Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain may start a game of football which will be novel for him as he continues his quest to have a whole career without ever being a first team regular anywhere.

Post Burnley shitshow it appears that Ralph has worked the players incredibly hard this week, cancelling days off and generally leaving them in no doubt that it simply wasn’t fucking good enough. The big question today was would Kevin Danso be thrown straight in for what would be ridiculously tough baptism of fire.  The answer was no as Ralph went for a pragmatic approach meaning Ings got left out to accommodate Hojbjerg starting and the only other change saw Yoshida preferred to Stephens who went from starting to not in the 18.  Liverpool have a full side out in defence and attack but a 2^nd choice midfield of Milner, Chamberlain and Wijnaldum.  That’s the area we have to target.

Away we goo and the press by the forwards is looking decent.   Adrian clearly doesn’t want the ball at his feet and you can see the panic on his face whever one of their defenders passes him the ball.  We win a corner as a result of one of his panicky clearances and really should take the lead as JWP’s delivery is met solidly, 5 yards out by Yoshida but he puts it too close to Adrian who flicks out an arm instinctively and pushes it away.

The next big chance is also ours as Romeu flings over a really good first time cross and Adams ghosts in between Matip and Trent but shows no conviction with his free header and it kind of floats harmlessly over the bar, not even making Adrian shite his pants a little bit.  Andre Marriner then stamps his authority on the game as Liverpool are struggling and Romeu goes in hard and wins the ball back on the edge of the Liverpool box. Free kick and a booking.  Fucking ridiculous.

The first half really is all Saints – we are winning the midfield battle against the three reserves and their defence is creaking.  Up front, Salah is doing his usual head down blind alley thing and despite some ropey moments, our defence is holding firm.  Then they win a throw out on the left and the ball is worked to Mane who hasn’t moved but has somehow found space on the corner of the box.  A touch away from Bednarek and before Hojbjerg can get to him, bang, curler with the right foot, just inside the far post, Gunn no chance.  It only takes a seconds lapse in concentration and there we have it, one chance, one goal. Fuck.

The second half starts and we can’t get the ball.  Romeu has been sawn off by the booking and Liverpool are of course trying to put it to bed.  It all looks somewhat inevitable.  Mane puts Salah away on our left and he’s right in on goal but rather than get his head up or actually look for a team mate for a tap in, he gets too close to Gunn and allows him to block.

It look like a matter of time and Ralph rolls the dice and Ings is on for Romeu so now it’s basically 3-4-3 which looks like carnage when we lose the ball and the press doesn’t work initially.  Another Liverpool break and Mane superbly finds Firmino in the box but we get lucky as he produces a dreadful miss and passes it wide.

Another slight change as Armstong comes on for Adams which gives us a bit more in midfield and Ings curls a decent effort just over which stemmed from Milner giving the ball away on the edge of his own box.  Interestingly, Milner flew late into two tackles in trying to make up for it and not a word from Andre the Giant twat.

The little flicker of light from that chance on goal was then snuffed out and it’s nother trademarked Southampton fuck up.  It’s our own throw and Bednarek takes it to Yoshida and gets it back and proceeds to fuck about, get dispossessed by Mane and into Firmino it goes who calmly steps inside Vestergaard and scores with ease.  Fuck sake.

Now it suddenly looks like they’re going to go in dry as Mane tees up Robertson with a superb back-heel and Gunn has to be alert to push the near post shot wide.  Mane is the difference - I expect he didn't cost you anything Jurgen.  The last throw of the dice is Djenepo on for Bertrand as Ralph decides we may as well go for it and the new boy makes things happen.  Trent can’t handle him at all and actually manages to get booked.

Armstorng is doing well in midfield and he digs in to find Redmond.  He tries to return it to Armstrong but van Dijk reads it and knocks it back to Adrian.  What an absolute cock…. The keeper just passes it straight to Ings who knocks it straight into the net.  Surely not – 8 mins to go.

You always get that one chance.  If you’re a great team you score and if you’re a lucky team you score.  If you’re Southampton then you build up through half the team and the final ball in from Valery is excellent and then Danny Ings, who you signed from Liverpool for £20 million…. plays a fucking airshot from 6 yards out.

You don’t get two chances.

Bollocks. A disappointing result but we can relatively pleased with the performance. The first half in particular was excellent until Mane showed that quality of finishing that we, as a club from outside the top six just do not possess. Liverpool turned the screw in the second half but we held firm until yet another bit of calamitous defending, this time by Bednarek, handed them the second goal. Danny Ings got his goal from a decent bit of closing down and a goalkeeper being a dickhead and Ings could have got a point for us but showed that quality of finishing that we, as a club from outside the top six, do possess.

It’s unfair to single out Danny’s miss though, even though it was the worst of the bunch. Che Adams should have got his header on target in the first half and Yoshida really should have given Adrian no chance whatsoever with his header from the corner. That would’ve been beautiful as well because he got off the ground and King Dijkhead just stood and watched.

VAR didn’t have to do anything particularly controversial in this game this game did highlight one of the problems that we still have and will always have with referees. When we had the totally incompetent referee at Old Trafford last year, I pointed out how it’s all the little things that don’t get given in your favour but almost have as much effect as the big penalty calls for example. Saints were doing really well until Liverpool scored at the end of the first half until he booked Oriol Romeu for what was basically, the cleanest winning of the ball that you could ever see. I mean, we were on the attack and Liverpool were struggling to get out. They won the ball and Romeu won it back perfectly so we should be on the attack but the idiot gave a free kick which was never free kick, killed our momentum managed to compound the mistake by booking Romeu and therefore restricting him for the rest of the game. That’s quite a big deal and played no small part in the chance of dominance at the start of the second half.  In comparison, James Milner was allowed to foul at will and get away with it, possibly because he had a fucking bandage around his head but more likely because of who he was playing for. Inconsistency is still going to go on. If Sadio Mané had been wearing a red and white shirt today and I think he would’ve picked up the booking he got for hacking down Moussa Djenepo a lot earlier than he actually did.

Will anyone care? No.  Would they if we’d one and they’d had the injustices?  Of course.  The more things change the more they stay the same.

So – Saints were better and we had deent performances out of Gunn, Vestergaard & Romeu and an encouraging one from Djenepo.  Stating the obvious here but our season is not defined by games against the likes of Liverpool – they and City are on a level where you have virtually no chance of even getting a point and this is before you factor in the likes of Andre the Giant Twat.

Next up is Brighton and a decent performance in that one is not enough on its own.  Points are needed and we need to be picking up our first 1 or 3 on Saturday.

Premier League Match 1 - Burnley 3 Southampton 0

All Aboard The Ralph Ex.... fuck!

 Opening day of the season and we get into it with much optimism. Pre-season appears to have gone very well, the results are good and Ralph Hasenhuttl is at the helm the whole season. 

Transfer deadline day had a couple of bits of news with an incoming centre back in it, Kevin Danso from Augsburg. He played against us in a friendly at the beginning of last season when we got hammered and were shite but he must have been impressed.  I was impressed... it was the game that told me never to go to another pre-season friendly, ever.  I don’t know too much about him other than the obvious which is that he is an absolute unit. Reports say that he has a turn of pace and is dominant in the air so it all sounds good. It appears that we have signed him in the way that we signed Danny Ings in that it’s a loan deal to be finalised at the end of the season. It sounds like Danso lived in England as a youngster so with any luck, will not have any of the usual problems settling in. Fingers crossed he is the man to sort out one remaining problem area of our team.

Squeezing through the exit door on deadline day was Charlie Austin. Charlie had had a few good moments in his Saints career, a little run of goals under Claude at the start of that season and a similar little run under Pellegrino which was curtailed by a hamstring injury at home to Huddersfield. Since that moment, he has never been the same player, looking unfit and reluctant to run at any pace faster than a jog, probably fearing another hamstring tear. In some games he looked like the rough diamond former non-league Jamie Vardy type player who we thought we’d signed but in other games he resembled a hologram or a man staggering through an empty bar in search of a kebab shop at two in the morning. The Premier League is not made for players like Charlie Austin any more. For starters, you need to have two upfront with the other one being the player who is happy to do all the running. He will do well at West Brom if he has this kind of set up and good luck to him. I wish him well but I am glad that we have finally got him off the books.

So, Burnley away and if there’s one thing you know for sure is that you’re going to be facing 4-4-2 with two massive units up front, most likely Chris Wood and Ashley Barnes who will have no doubt spent the summer perfecting his bulldog licking piss off a stinging nettle face which he saves up specifically for the linesman. They’ve made a couple of decent signings on the face of it with Jay Rodriguez and Danny Drinkwater being the two that stand out. The manager is of course unchanged so it will be Sean Allardyche in the opposite dugout to Ralph.

The first team sheet of the season and what the fuck? I just don’t get it we now have six central defenders on the books and Jack Stephens is easily sixth in that list and yet there he is in the starting lineup. A central defender who cannot head the ball and cannot win any aerial challenge against a team who are going to play exactly that way. I just don’t get it. Alongside him are the expected Bednarek and Vestergaard with Bertrand and Valery in the fullback positions. News also emerged that Pierre-Emile Hojbjerg had been taken ill on the journey up to Burnley so he was only fit to be a substitute so Oriol Romeu started alongside JWP in midfield. The front three of Adams, Ings and Redmond was all present and correct. Not overly confident I have to say. The start of the football season has been greeted by the weather gods having a laugh up-and-down the country but particularly in Burnley where it is pissing down and blowing a gale.

How are we go and we create a really decent chance with JWP switching the ball from left to right out to Valery and his cross along the 6 yard line was met at the back post by Adams who went with the wrong foot And can only hit the side netting. Decent opening though.

Out first defensive test was when the ball was played over the top and Stephens was casually taking his time until he decided to fall on his arse for no readily apparent reason, allowing Barnes to cross for Wood to score. No alarm though cos the linesman’s flag had gone up as soon as Barnes had moved towards the ball but this season of course, we have VAR.  Barnes had a minute to decide whether to go into full puce rage face or not but the picture showed that he was indeed offside from the original pass so Stephens completely got out of jail there so that’s one defender who will certainly be in favour of VAR.

Che Adams then gets away with a bit of a naughty one on Ben Mee as he leaves a bit in the Burnley defender. VAR again and it looks grim on the pictures, especially when slowed down but nothing doing and no red card.

Just before half-time Redmond chased an over hit ball into the corner and managed to take on and beat Lowton and work his way back to the top edge of the box before firing a shot that Pope had to tip over the bar. Brilliant effort from a player who looks to be carrying last seasons form into this term.

Not a bad first half and 0-0.

The second half starts quite well with ex-Saint Jack Cork continuing to be allowed to foul at will, trashing Ings on the edge of the box and not getting booked again. JWP...

The 60 minutes we had been relatively comfortable defensively where even if we lost the first challenge then someone was always sweeping up behind to pick up the loose ball and in general things are working pretty well... but quicker than you can say “massive fucking hoof up in the air“, Vestergaard is under it and makes a right bollocks of a huge punt forward and Barnes is away and in on goal, smashes it early and it goes straight through Angus Gunn’s legs and into the net for 1-0. Fuck off. To be fair, he has taken it absolutely brilliantly but it’s a disaster for Vestergaard and it’s almost as bad from the goalkeeper. 

We respond to the setback by completely going to shit with McNeil finding space down our right and whipping over a really good ball behind the defence and there is Ashley Barnes, totally unmarked, to side foot into the net, 2-0, game over. Old habits die hard. Five defenders and we allow the cross to come in and no one thinks to mark the fucking massive 6 foot 3 centre forward. Dogshit. 

Just pride to play for now lads and five minutes later, another aerial challenge to win and Vestergaard half wins it and flops the ball down towards Bertrand who gets caught on his heels. Gudmundsson gets the ball of him and marches on unopposed into the penalty area to slide past the unprotected goalkeeper. Absolutely wank.

We’ve made three subs with Obafemi, Boufal and Hojbjerg all coming on but it’s all pointless as the game has gone. Optimism bubble deflated a tad.

The bottom line is that it doesn’t matter how well coached you are, how good your pre-season was, how good your manager is, or how good your tactics are, if you go 1-0 behind to a shit goal, a certain amount of it is going to come down to good old-fashioned heart and guts which cannot be coached as you either have it in your make up or you don’t. We didn’t have heart or guts in the face of adversity today, we just gave up.

For an hour so we did pretty well against the predictable aerial bombardment in the wind and pissing rain but once we went behind it all went to shit and all things that have been serving is relatively well until that point, just when out the window.

To be honest I don’t think that three at the back was the problem as I believe it’s the right thing to do to pick up the knockdowns off of the huge strikers that Burnley have. The problem appeared to be only having two in midfield which enabled Burnley more often than not to retain possession after they launched the ball forward.

With is having such an emphasis on pressing the ball and winning it high up, Burnley away in the wind the pissing rain was always going to be very tough for us and I felt that a point was always going to be the maximum we were going to get today. We were well on course for that and looking the better side until Vestergaard’s ridiculous misjudgement which gifted then the first goal. Fair play to Barnes as he took it excellently but you couldn’t get a more typical goal in a Burnley versus Saints game if you tried. Massive hoof up in the air, mistake by one of our defenders and Ashley Barnes scores. When you play three at the back, the idea it’s the 2 to pick up and want to go spare, so how the fuck Ashley Barnes can be left on his own to score the second goal is absolutely criminal. Fingers have to be pointed at Vestergaard again who was in the vicinity but not marking the striker. Goal 3 also came down that channel with Vestergaard nodding the ball down to Bertrand who didn’t want to win it as much as Gudmundsson did and he strolled on and scored easily. Not enough basic desire from the goalkeeper and defenders to keep the ball out of the fucking net.

It was a bad day. Every little thing seem to play into Burnley’s hands today and none of this is their fault of course. Hojbjerg not being able to start was huge for us and even the fucking weather, with wind and pissing rain suited them a lot more than it did us. I sound a bit like Juergen Klopp there. Ralph sounded totally pissed off in his post match press conference and so he should. Not a great day for the big man.

You can argue whether we played the ‘right’ way or not but as I’ve said on many occasions, I would rather watch my team trying to play the right way and getting beat, rather than watch a team that just sends it long at every opportunity. It’s nothing new as it’s exactly what Wimbledon were doing in the 90s and Stoke were doing under Tony Pulis a few years ago. Sooner or later for whatever reason, usually a need to ‘push on’, you have to change your identity a little bit, like Stoke tried to do under Mark Hughes (ironically) and then you find the players you have can’t do it and you end up getting relegated.  The funny thing is that a lot of noise has been made by Saints saying that they wanna be horrible to play against and I guess we probably were for an hour but after that we were very very easy to play against as we couldn’t cope with the most basic football tactics ever invented. Again it’s old fashioned but you have to fight for your right to play your football.

So, one game and zero points and next up… Liverpool at home. Tremendous.

Cautious Optimism - Here Comes the Summer - Part 2

#TonicLikeAMassiveBellEnd

The first pre-season trip was to Austria and of course, eyes were in who made the trip and who didn’t. The surprise inclusions were Klarer, Vokins and N’Lundulu from the Academy and promising youngsters Cedric and Hoedt. Yes.... Hoedt.  Let that sink in... Hoedt. Let’s face it... he’s better than Stephens.

The high profile absentees were Slattery, Austin, Gallagher, Clasie, Reed and Lemina. I put Slattery first on that list because he’s different to the others in that he’s not up for sale.... rumour has it that he came back overweight. Not good. Of the others, Lemina caused the biggest reaction at the time because somehow, Arsenal and Man United appeared to be interested.  Was that real interest or agent bollocks.

Lemina signed for us when we had just finished eighth and got to a cup final under Claude Puel. He clearly didn’t look too far beneath the surface because if he had he would’ve realised he was joining a team that was in decline. It soon became apparent that this was not what Mario had signed up for and it soon became apparent why Juventus let him go.  It seems clear to me that he bought into the Sadio Mane approach in that he thought he would look decent for a couple of seasons for us and then sign for a Champions League club, in much the same way that Sadio and many others had done before over the past few seasons. He’s since admitted he only ever saw Saints as a 2 year thing and now he was only interest in playing for the biggest clubs.  Fucking waster.

The part of the deal that Mario forgot of course, was that you had to play consistently well. For a while, when it looked like he was going to get the Man United move, it seemed that you don’t necessarily have to, it appeared that you only have to do well in flashes and you will still get the move that you wanted from the start. His flashes of brilliance were spliced together by an enthusiastic Man United fan and retweeted by Mario himself as a very sad “this is what I do”. It’s a classic ‘de Ridder’ style video in that it shows hundreds of tricks and flicks and beating players but always goes onto the next clip before you see any end product or more often than not, the losing of the ball. This video is particular good because it is at 1.25x speed to make him look faster and one of the clips is Nathan Redmond.

So, having put himself in the shop window and made it obvious that he never intended to stay here very long anyway, it turned out to be a bit of premature bridge burning. Noise about Manchester United and Arsenal has now become noise about Everton and West Ham and Wolves and if the speculation/agent bollocks goes down another level then he won’t be moving to anyone that has any more money or is any better than where he is at the moment. I wonder why. Maybe it’s all the #TonicLikeLeminade #FuckingCringeBollocks. If you're a fan of Mario's Instagram like I am, you'll have noticed that his partner, the lovely Fanny, seems to have got fed up with him as well.

Somewhere along the line in the pub, Charlie Austin was clearly told that he was not going to be in the first team squad this season and massively threw his toys out the pram which resulted in the deletion of his Twitter account. This wasn’t before he posted some more fan baiting pictures of him in a Liverpool shirt. Strikes me as a guy who likes to give it out but can’t really take it. Apparently a fee was agreed between Saints and West Brom for him to move but he turned the deal down and there have been some whispers the new Newcastle manager Steve Bruce, wanted him at up there..... until Newcastle surprised everyone and spent 40 million on a striker that no one has heard of. If memory serves, Austin was linked with them when he left QPR so let’s hope that someone at Newcastle still thinks that he was the same player as he was at QPR and not the fat mess he is now.

All that Charlie and Mario need to know is that Ralph saw more value in Wesley Hoedt being in the squad than either of them.

Whilst this was all going on, we had a friendly on the Austria tour which ended up with a 1-1 against Altach with Austin‘s replacement, Che Adams, scoring after one minute. The first team friendlies continued when the players got home with a behind close doors 3-0 win against Brentford and a 3-1 win away at Preston which brought two goals the Danny Ings and one for Jake Vokins.  Ings’ first goal was a thing of beauty as the Preston goalkeeper drove the ball straight at him and it flew in over the keeper off of Danny‘s thigh. How often does it happen that a player who is struggling for goals gets a freak one like that and it sets them up for a nice run of goals . In this case, it will hopefully carry on at the start of the season. The Preston friendly also saw the Wesley Hoedt and Jack Stephens Dream Team combination reunited as two thirds of a three-man defence and these two even managed in a pre-season friendly to show no actual desire to defend and keep the ball out of our net with Preston’s goal seeing a player nutmeg Hoedt on the edge of the box and instead of being straight in with the tackle like he should’ve been, Stephens just stood off and allow the Preston player to walk into a dangerous area and smash it in the net. I can’t make up my mind which age group of schoolboy defending this counts as. I’m going to go for Under 11’s.

PR Trip - Completed It Mate.

Some of the youngsters with a smattering of senior players jetted off to Macau to play against Chinese super league side, Guangzhou and the game ended in a 4-0 win with goals from Adams, Long, Valery and Christophe Klarer.  Both Adams’ and Long’s goals where the result of horrific goalkeeping howlers, in keeping with the Ings goal at Preston.

We did manage to shift some of the squad excess and Jordy Clasie finally completed a permanent move away from Southampton when we cancelled the last year of his contract, enabling him to move to AZ Alkmaar on a free. There does seem to have been a certain amount of history revision regarding Clasie. From my point of view, he was not physically strong enough to make up for his lack of physical stature. There was obviously a player in there but I just don’t think he was ever suitable for the English game. If you comparing with our current first choice three midfielders then you would say he was not physically strong enough to play where Romeu does, not gifted enough on the ball to challenge JWP and not possessing of a big enough engine to challenge Pierre. This seems to have been an undertone on his part to blame Southampton for his situation but for me, the bottom line is that he has spent a year in Belgium with Club Brugge and a year in Holland with Feyenoord and neither have wanted to sign him at the end of the year despite him being available for not very much money by today’s standards.

Also, Sam Gallagher completed a move away to Blackburn Rovers, where he was on loan the season before last. For the past few years I have wanted Sam to be the replacement for Graziano but for one reason or another it never really worked out for him and he never really got given a chance. I was always really wanting him to do well whenever he got on the pitch but it never really happened, with him always taking a split secomd to long to do whatever it was he was attempting to do, be it jump for a header or shoot or release the ball. I have a feeling that they could well be a Premier League striker in there in the future, playing for a team like Burnley and whilst I’m usually disparaging about Burnley, For once I don’t mean that in a disparaging way. To get to that level though he does need to be playing regularly in the Championship so this is a good move for him.

Another friendly was played, this time in the Netherlands as we played Feyenoord. Once again, Ralph played two separate teams in each half with the first half team being what you would expect to be closer to the starting 11 in the first league game. For all the talk of the 4-2-2-2 formation, it’s became apparent what I have suspected all along that unless we sign a commanding central defender, Ralph doesn’t trust any two of the current centre backs to play in a back four so we have to go with a back 3 of Bednarek, Yoshida and Vestergaard. Anyway, we won 3-1 with another goal from Che Adams, a bundled effort from Yoshida and a last-minute goal from the returning Sofiane Boufal having calmly skipped past the defender, sat the goalkeeper down and smashed into the roof of the net. Whisper it quietly but Wesley played really well in the second half. I initially thought he was only on this Dutch trip because he knew where all the best gear could be found and the location of all the best dodgy bars, being a native of that part of the world and all that but it appears that he might actually be a part of things next season. Whether this is down to a change in attitude or no one being interested in buying him, is unclear at the moment though if he has won Ralph over then fair enough. As previously said, he is better than Jack Stephens anyway who was conspicuous by his absence from the Dutch trip.

Overall in the Feyenoord game, we looked like an exciting side going forward with Adams, Ings and Redmond, not to mention Boufal but the central midfield of Hojbjerg and JWP looks a bit light without the presumably injured Romeu so defensively, it all looks a bit worrying.

Danny Taking a Penalty Properly

The final pre-season game was at home to Cologne and though he was apparently in hospital, Ralph put out what I expect to be the starting line-up next week. Maybe he went to hospital because he didn’t want to watch the one surprise, which was Jack Stephens playing in central defence.  Regardless, we saw off the Germans with relative comfort by 2-0 with a penalty by Danny Ings and a nice goal by Hojbjerg who combined very well with Obafemi and Adams. There was also time for Danny Ings to look a twat by chipping a second penalty straight to the goalkeeper who stood in the middle of the goal and patted it down.

There weren’t any huge revelations that weren’t known from the Feyenoord game. We are good going forward and we look ropey as soon as the opposition break our initial press high up the pitch.  Remember that goal we let in loads of times last season where the team broke on us from their own penalty area and we were all over the place.... get used to it.  Against Burnley, you know that the high press is going to be negated by them smashing the ball up to whatever seven foot striker they got on the pitch so it’ll be a different challenge we have to rise to.  Moussa Djenepo made a debut but didn’t have time to prove he’s going to be anything other than an impact sub to start with.

So, an unbeaten pre-season.  In football, it is of course always better to win rather than lose but you can never read too much into it.   I vaguely remember us doing that once in the 90s and then losing our first five matches. That only happens of course when the players think they’ve cracked it and all they have to do is turn up and win. There is no danger of that with Ralph in charge. We will hopefully see a couple more in through the door before the transfer window closes but if not then we will get on with what we’ve got and I think we can have cautious optimism for the season ahead. We aren’t going to be pushing for a European place against the likes of Everton and Leicester but we should certainly have enough about us to be nowhere near the bottom six and I would take that.