Premier League Match 36 - Everton 1 Southampton 1

It's Been That Kind of Season

Three games to go, Everton away.

Usually it doesn’t matter how shit Everton are, we always lose here. Most seasons we might as well not even bother playing it. Everton 2018 are pretty shit and that’s the only way that the word pretty to be used in connection with the team with Sam Allardyce in charge. They appointed him after fat PE teacher David Unsworth was surprisingly found to be not up to the job and he did exactly what it says on the tin, he got them organised and got them safe from relegation with about three months to spare. That’s what he does. What he doesn’t do this play free-flowing attractive football which is what the now money-entitled Everton fans think they should play and they are all up in arms about the style of football that an Allardyce team plays. For the record, Everton have never played free-flowing and attractive football since the mid-80s and the only time I remember them getting anywhere close was under Roberto Martinez for five years ago but they kept losing and the fans soon wanted him out as well and got their wish. Apparently some questionnaires were accidentally on purpose sent to Everton fans by the club to rate Allardyce out of 10.  For a club with so many pretension is about being a big player now, how tinpot, disrespectful and amateurish is that?

Anyway, hopefully it’s an on the beach and can’t be arsed Everton that we play today. All the media channels have been pretty quiet on Saints this week so not much to report. Mr Lemina was quoted as saying that he wasn’t thinking about his next move and he was only thinking about keeping Southampton up. I’ll just leave that one there. Let’s see if he can put in two decent performances in a row. As it turns out, the only change the team was to tighten things up a bit with Hojbjerg coming in from Redmond which I assume means Tadic playing further forward and possibly Lemina being pushed forward a bit too. There is a worrying lack of pace in the attack especially bearing in mind that Everton‘s centre back, Phil Jagielka is about 49 years old.  Everton have a few missing with Walcott, Rooney and Sigurdsson all injured so let’s hope we make the most of that.  Today’s referee is Jon Moss who used to be the drummer in Culture Club but now he’s a fat referee who can’t keep up with play. I’m sure the fact that it’s a hot day will help him a lot.

Lemina looks like he’s playing on the left for us but is indeed pushed forward.  We start the game strongly and look the more composed side but it’s Everton who have the first effort with straggly haired little twat Tom Davies firing wide from the edge of the box.  Cenk Tosun is next to have a go, looping a header harmlessly onto the roof of the net.

Saints are playing well until the final third where Tadic is struggling to have an impact and the crossing opportunities that the full backs have are wasted as both Cedric and Bertrand overhit everything by a factor of 3.  Cedric then manages to keep a cross on the pitch and it’s headed out, sits up nicely for Austin who just smashes it goalwards and Pickford pulls off save for the cameras.

Everton really don’t look up for this and no one fancied closing Romeu down so his eventuall shot took a flick off of a defender and Pickford got lucky as he parried it out and it didn’t fall to the lurking Austin.  Saints are also showing the new cynicism we have in the side with Austin taking a booking and hauling down Coleman to stop a break.  Lemina appears to have picked up a knock but fair play to him, he is carrying on but one more sprint to contain a Coleman run leaves it unlikely that he’ll emerge for the second half.  Half time and solid enough and Everton fans boo their team off, presumably mortified that Fat Sam’s team is playing football like Fat Sam’s team always does.

Redmond is on for Lemina and we start the half well and look like the only team interested in trying to create something.  On 57 minutes, Romeu starts a move from the back and we’re away with Tadic on the right and he slides a ball inside the full back and Cedric crosses brilliantly on the run and there’s Redmond of all people at the back stick to head it down and past Pickford and into the net for his first goal of the season.  Get in.  Redmond scoring was less surprising than Cedric keeping a cross on the pitch but well played both.

Niasse comes on for Everton as Fat Sam reacts but he makes no difference to the direction of the traffic towards Everton’s goal.  Tadic puts Bertrand away on the left and he takes a leaf out of Cedric’s book and keeps one on the pitch and Jagielka nods it just over his own bar with Pickford flapping like a budgie behind him.  JWP comes on for Tadic and takes the corner which is cleared and the passage of play ends with Funes Mori clearing and doing some sort of triple somersault in the air, complete with blood curdling scream to ensure that Fat Jon Moss booked Yoshida for the half challenge that he made.

Long is on for Austin but it’s fellow sub Redmond who is causing all the problems, taking a long ball from Hoedt and driving at Everton before smashing it just over from the edge of the box.  We are still looking in no danger at all and win a free kick on the right which JWP optimistically fires at goal only for Pickford to save confortably.  Big boot forward, no one wins it cleanly and Niasse toes it past Yoshida who launches him into space.  Fuck.  Guess what Fat Jon is gonna do? Yellow, Red…fuck!

4-4-1 but we’re still the better side as 90 minutes arrives, Redmond again scaring them shitless with direct running after a shocking Michael Keane clearance and shooting from a narrow angle which Pickford saves again.  4 minutes to be added.

As we reach 93 minutes, Coleman is one of the few Everton players who looks like he cares and he takes a throw, gets it back and cuts along the top of the penalty area and Hoedt dives in, in clumsy shit fashion and takes him out, right on the edge of the box.  Leighton Baines has these for breakfast and up he steps, over the wall, under the bar and McCarthy gets across to brilliantly turn it over.  Spectacular save.  From the corner, a McCarthy punch and Hojbjerg pucks it up and runs to for the hills, making it right the way to the left corner before conceding a throw.  Everton smash it forwards and we win it again, JWP playing a 1-2 with Cedric and then curling a ball into the corner where Redmond does brilliantly to knock it past Funes Mori and it in on goal.  Fat Cunt Moss decides that he’d fouled the Everton player and gives a free kick for fuck all and then allows them to pinch 10 yards and take it.

And so it unfolds - Niasse crosses from the left, McCarthy punches but not cleanly and it’s going for a throw on the left, Bertrand chases it and tries to smack it up the line but it goes straight to an Everton player, on to Gueye and he advances to the edge of the area and plays it across to Davies.  No one really closes him down. Time stands still.  I know he’s going to fucking score.  I just know it.  I can see it nestling in the bottom far corner.  He doesn’t even hit it cleanly the scruffy little fucker but it’s going for the corner as predicted, McCarthy should save it, no bother.  Then it passes through Wesley Hoedt’s legs but not before flicking off his heel and going the other way.  1-1.  We get to the middle, kick off and the Fat Cunt blows his whistle.

Just. Fuck. Off.

Talk about things conspiring against you. Lucky fucking bastards.  The biggest issue from me is that the fat cunt gave a free-kick against Redmond from miles away and he clearly won the ball and the linesman who was right next to it, gave nothing. The role of the linesman in the Premier League has bothered me for a few years now. They seem to be almost reduced to how they are used in kids games when they are told just to give throw-ins and offsides and not give fouls, even ones where they are right next to it. It wasn’t even part of John Moss’ thought process to think ”the lino is right next to it and he hasn’t given the foul so it must be play on“.  You’d think that with being a fat unfit twat who was blowing out of his arse, he’d use the official who is right next to the incident.  As for the linesman, the official title is actually ‘referees assistant’ which to me anyway, implies that they should assist the referee when they have a better view than him. The change in job title is probably to do with a sexism outcry because we now have some female officials but you see my point.

Then he allows them to take the free-kick for about 10 yards ahead of where it should’ve been taken from. It reminds me so much of the goal against Arsenal last season when four infringements were ignored to enable Arsenal to get up the pitch and ultimately be awarded a penalty. It’s like the referees get excited and in their head is a voice talking to them on repeat going “wouldn’t it be great if there was a last minute goal, wouldn’t it be great if there was a last-minute goal, wouldn’t it be great if there was a last-minute goal”.   Fucking hell we have had a few shit deals of referees this season. The Doucoure handball against Watford, the non-sending off of Alonso against Chelsea and now today. That’s probably seven points right there. A lot will point out the goal coming in the 96th minute when only four minutes extra with signal. To be honest, I don’t have too much of an issue with the timekeeping there when Cedric did get up after his injury, It was 92 minutes gone so you could argue that at most, Moss has played an extra 30 seconds but Mr Moss, if you are going to be pedantic about seconds on the clock then surely you should make free kicks be taken from the correct place.

Jamie Vardy Plays 'Spot the Fat Useless Twat"

We of course played a part ourselves as Ryan Bertrand made a wrong decision by keeping a ball in play that was running out for throw-in and then producing a horrible shanked clearance which just gave Everton the ball back which ultimately led to the spawny deflected equalising goal.   A throw-in is easier to defence than a cross into the box.  Another shit decision was made by Maya Yoshida to go for that second tackle which got him his second yellow card which meant we play the last 15 minutes with 10 men. You can argue the legitimacy of the first yellow card which was extremely harsh and probably no contact but the fact remains that he knew he was on a yellow card before he went for the second challenge. That was a shame because he was having a great game until that point and we will miss him for the Swansea game. I thought he was very dominant in the air today and this will bring Jack Stephens into the team and he is the opposite.

As every week goes by, you see the difference that Mark Hughes has made and yet again, I’m pondering that even with an extra month of Hughes, instead of that arseclown Pellegrino and we would being completely safe by now. The team has purpose and to a man, put a shift in and none of them could be accused of anything less than 100% commitment to the cause.  All it needed Les, was a competent manager.  Hughes some choice words to say about Fat Jon.  “Thirty yards behind the play like he always is” and “no point in talking to him as he’s probably getting his breath back” and “useless fucking fat twat”.  Well played Sparky.  I may have made up the last one.

Alex McCarthy shouldn’t just be on the plane from England in the World Cup, he should be first choice. There is no better English goalkeeper at the moment. Another absolutely fantastic performance and it took a horrible deflection to beat him. Every cross was claimed or punched away to safety and the save from Baines freekick was world class. Again, the back three stood up well and the midfield made sure that Everton barely got any attacking momentum at all. Losing Lemina at half time was a blow but it got Nathan Redmond onto the pitch and he was absolutely brilliant in the second half, scoring one and constantly panicking the Everton defenders with his running and movement. When he is allowed to play like that, we have a proper player on our hands. As for the full-backs, well Bertrand had a decent match defensively until the 96th minute and Cedric put over an absolutely brilliant cross for the goal after virtually a whole season of all his crosses being completely and utterly shit.

There is injustice and there is anger but the situation remains largely the same. If we beat Swansea on Tuesday and we stay up. Personally, I am always happier going into a game needing a win rather than needing a draw because needing a draw encourages complacency.  The Claude Puel inspired Europa League exit to Hapoel Be’er Sheva stands out from recent memory.  West Brom would’ve been down if we won today and Huddersfield would have needed to get at least a point out of the three top six sides that they are playing between now and end of the season. None of that really matters on Tuesday night. If we win then we are safe as none out of Stoke, Swansea or West Brom will be able to catch us barring a catastrophe in the last game.

Let’s fucking do it.