Premier League Match 1 - Southampton 1 Watford 1

Primitive? Yep.

I've been on holiday and have some catching up to do. Due to a monumental fuck up on the holiday dates I've ended up flying out of the country on the day we play our first home game and flying back into the country on the day we play our second home game. To make matters even worse I have an internal flight on the middle Friday which coincides exactly with when I could've watched the Man United game at Old Trafford on the TV.  I hear that they are quite a popular club around the world so their home games are quite often televised. I will try and write to these as if they were written at the time in in my usual 'bloke down the pub spouting bollocks whilst no one listens' fashion. 

Watford at home and it's a must win. Well, it isn't really but with our first two away games being Man United and Arsenal then I guess you could say that it's pretty important. And Claude needs to get off to a good start and many fans who's temperature seems to be about the same as the average volcano need us to get a good start as well otherwise Southampton General it's going to be full of people with ridiculously high blood pressure.

Watford had the summer that they always seem to have and they are even more predictable than us. At least we only change managers every two seasons. They change every single season and usually replace 10 of the players. Walter Mazzaro is the new manager and I've never heard of him so we really have no idea what to expect from the Hornets.

No one has joined Saints after the two squad players last week and more and more importantly, no one has left either though Jose Fonte not exactly pouring cold water on the prospects of a move to Manchester United, has raised with the anxiety levels of many fans even more.  We may even get a glimpse of the future today as the rumour is that he is not starting and that Maya Goal-a-game is.  It's all about diamonds today and Claude's diamond needs to sparkle exactly the same way that it didn't in the preseason friendlies. Somewhat surprisingly, JWP was picked along with Steven Davis on the right and left and no place was found for the incredibly impressive looking Pierre Hojbjerg. Long and the Redmond were the two strikers at the expense of Charlie Austin and Maya was indeed next to Virgil at centre back with Matt Targett on the left in place of the injured Bertrand.

Away we go and the first chance is a free kick, awarded when JWP nearly has his head taken off by a high boot.  It’s a long way out so Tadic just smashes it and Gomes, as he always does, parries it out and there’s all sorts of carnage with a Watfoord player knocking it back towards his own goal, forcing Gomes to save again.  Good save to be fair.  It’s a much simpler affair for the keeper next as Cedric tries one from 35 yards but it must be easy for Gomes to actually catch it rather than punch it away.

If the confidence in the team and the crowd is like a big balloon then it gets a bastard great hole put in it from Watford’s first attack as a cross from the right i hung up for Deeney to compete against Cedric (only one winner there) and he heads down to where Capoue has made a run off off Romeu and he lashes it into the net for 1-0.  Fuck.

And breathe… back onto the attack with Tadic turning about four players inside out on the right before standing up a cross which Shane Long heads over the bar.  To be fair we’re playing ok and the full backs are getting forward well.  Targett’s cross if headed away and Redmond puts his laces through it but well wide and the last effort before half time is another long ranger from Cedric which is comfortably pushed aside by Gomes.  Is this a theme developing – hit it from anywhere within 40 yards.  Half time.

10 minutes of nothing at the start of the second half sees Hojbjerg on for JWP and he’s immediately involved in a charge up the pitch which sees the ball worked to Redmond on the left and another long ranger comes in which Gomes tips wide.  The corner is scrambled away for another corner from the toher side and Davis whips it in, Gomes punches it up rather than out and it comes down to Nathan Redmond who volleys it first time left footed into the net past all the bodies in front of him.  Come on!

Having worked for the best part of 50 minutes to get back into the game, we nearly piss it away straight away as Maya attempts to find Fraser with a back pass and instead gives him a 50-50 with Deeney and luckily for Maya, the big man was alert and cleared absolutely everything out.  Maya’s been decent so far but there it is again, the capacity to make a horrific, unforced error.

A Watford corner is cleared and Hojbjerg leads the charge again, putting the ball in front of Long who gets there for pace against Watson who just hauls him down with no effort to play the ball.  Off you go you wanker.  From the resulting free kick, Tadic drills it in again and it’s straight at Gomes so of course, he punches it out and there’s a scramble which doesn’t fall for us.  He’s a lucky fucker.  So, 20 minutes against 10 men and conventional wisdom tells you that to play against 10 men you have to have width and we don’t really have any so it’ll be interesting to see if there are any tactical changes to adapt to this.  Well Pied is on for Cedric in a straight swap.

Hojbjerg bursts into the box and goes down but that’s never a penalty and we have another substitution and it’s another straight swap with Austin on for Long.  How is that going to change the game Claude?   Anyway, some neat interplay on the edge of the box puts Redmond through and he buries it only to see a very predictable offside flag.  Austin rises to meet a Pied cross but can only head over and with that, we run out of time.  The final whistle goes whilst we are passing it about in front of Watford instead of putting it in the box and playing off of Austin.  Hmmm.

And bollocks. Whilst this is not altogether a surprising result, it is a pretty disappointing one given the incredibly limited opposition that we played and the fact that we had 20 minutes against 10 men. I am guessing that this is an improvement on last years first game at home which was 3-0 defeat to Everton. You have to take the positives where you can.

Watford really were pretty poor and aside from the goal they only really looked threatening when Maya fucked up but you can also look back and say that we had a really shit 0-0 draw with them at the start of last season as well.

It annoys me that we always seem to play the first game like a team of strangers. Newcastle away last year it was exactly the same as we tried a new formation which didn't work and I'm going to say it again, I feel that we would have been much better off playing at the same formation as last year in the first few games and then it gradually evolving into what Claude wants us to be.

The main positives were the two new players with Redmond taking his goal exceptionally well and Hojbjerg making a complete mockery of the decision not to start him. We will certainly improve with Ryan Bertrand back in the team though Targett was decent today but I hope to Christ we sign some more attacking players because I'm more convinced than ever now that a front three of Long, Tadic and Redmond is never going to score enough goals.  There doesn’t seem to be enough players in the box at any one time.  Over the past few years we’ve had a lot of ‘cross comes in, Lambert or Pellè heads down, shot at goal’.

Hojbjerg provided another memorable highlight during his post match interview when he described to Watford as primitive. I have to say that that is the first time I've ever heard a player describe the opposition as that.  It's spot-on though as they had little interest in attacking and in their mindset was illustrated by the red card which was a definite 'take one for the team' effort by Ben Watson.  Should 'last man straight red card' tackles result in a penalty wherever they are on the pitch? On days like today I think that they should, obviously.

Next up is the colossal wankfest that will be Manchester United at Old Trafford in Mourinho's first home game, Pogba's home debut, Zlatan's home debut etc etc... yawn.